The 4-Step Process That Makes Men Realize They're Idiots For Leaving You (And Return)

[@ElliotScottDating]

YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THIS LINK HERE (Coaching and more): liinks.co/elliotscott

[@Prairiegirl3]

If he wants to see how it is without me, it will be forever 😊

[@hushpuppies872]

You know it hurts so bad when they leave you. They loved you for a reason. And they leave you for the dumbest of reasons. Not even willing to put in a little bit of effort. Make you feel you are not even worth that much.

[@luckygirl-ue1jx]

This is absolutely true,thanks for validating my thoughts..😢

[@user-iz2je3zi2v]

The worst part is me believing him, his lies and that he was worth any time.

[@stephaniethelovely1]

IMO they ALWAYS do after picking the more exciting girl they were also talking to (unbeknownst to you...) then try to weasel back in with the "nice" girl. This has happened so many times, I just cut all contact these days.

[@ms.diva0079]

Allowing someone back into your life is like Re-reading a book and expecting a different ending. I’ll pass. Go back to whatever made you pull away thank you very much!😂

[@MagdalenaH]

that's not entirely true.. People change(speaking from a 40 year old woman's perspective), but the thing is you change too and so do your needs. assess :)

[@jadegreen1554]

With narcissists definitely.

[@creatureofstyle]

As the dumper I can say this isn't true. There were some serious extenuating circumstances that were temporary (on both sides) and I should have communicated better before I just ran away. I have major regrets but what's done is done and I can't take it back, but we also can't move forward because now he won't even talk to me. I broke my own heart when I broke his and now I'm stuck in limbo

[@nofybn7794]

EXACTLY!!

[@nofybn7794]

@@creatureofstyle It is true, excuse. You would do it again if there was extenuating circumstances again.

[@tinktink8888]

Block him, move on! If it doesn’t work out first time around, it’s not going to work out second time around. I learned that lesson from my 11 year marriage that ended in divorce. Kick that stinky fish in the dry pond.

[@vannamarie8430]

When I told him I wanted to get sober from alcohol and quit working in a bar to be in a healthy relationship with him, that’s when he dumped me. He came back 3 months later calling non stop, I told him to go back to his friends to drink and the women he chose to have sex with over me. And I never looked back! What kind of man leaves someone when they get sober? What a loser! 😂

[@vannamarie8430]

@@AB-dl5yx Thank you for the feedback. I never asked for him to get sober, I was the one that wanted to get sober just asked for his support but instead got dumped. Knowing that he left me when I got sober and he went on to have sex with other women was a deal breaker for me. As I have not slept with anyone since him and it would be a betrayal to myself to take him back. Hope I clarified that.

[@edithk2997]

A man who's a scumbag

[@leilacarvalho409]

People that will now allow your growth change them to avoid accountability 😘

[@Liz-dragon-street.]

He is not a loser ... he was not ready, doesn't mean you had 2 take him back!
You did the best 2 give him a real life lesson.
Hope he is growing from it like you are growing 🌱💚
Peace 🙏

[@saras.2173]

Sounds like a win-win for you! 👏

[@rachelb4722]

They’re 99.9% cracking on with other women if they fall off the radar, no ifs plenty of butts!

[@Diarrheagod]

He’s a borderline. He leaves everyone after 3-4 months then tries to come back 3-4 months later. Constant cycle. Not me tho I blocked his ass everywhere every how. Loser.

[@MissSarahGM]

It takes longer than 3 months for all the emotionally unavailable, the severe avoidant attachers, the guys with commitment phobia and mental health issues. My experience is that by responding to them when they sporadically contact you, and disappear after, without trying to see you, it can postpone the process of feeling the loss of you. It happened to me. It wasn't until 15 months later that he reached out in a much more vulnerable way than before. Because I had disappeared completely. But I think it has to be apologetic and show self-awareness as to why they did wrong, and what has changed. They need to be remorseful and show empathy for how they hurt you. That would be my way to assess it, more than the 3 month time frame. And how they are consistent.

[@alisachaise3]

Still not good because they are willing to lose you. Wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s willing to lose you. Think that’s part of why Elliot goes with his time frames here

[@alisachaise3]

Especially if someone takes off more than once that’s not attraction.

[@alisachaise3]

Elliot always says, “A guy who is attracted to you nd likes you,” isn’t willing to lose you 😊

[@MissSarahGM]

@@alisachaise3 I understand that stand, but it is not an absolute truth : a lot of people will self-sabotage something part of them want, because of insecurities, trauma or other mental health issues. From a psychological perspective it is not true that "if they really wanted, they would". In cases they can like you and even love you, but are unable to be with you or commit for different reasons they aren't ready to change yet. Is it helpful to think they weren't interested? I don't think so.
At the same time, it is not worth hoping and waiting for a man that isn't ready.
But for having looked into breakup dynamics, when there was a real relationship and time has passed - I have noticed it takes more than 3 months for the dumper to reassess and mature.
Doesn't mean we should wait. Sometimes, when they come back regretful, it is just too late. Or there isn't the amount of remorse and self-awareness that would show change. And it isn't worth the risk.

[@alisachaise3]

Yet, have some self respect. You were willing to lose me, stay lost 😊

[@AD-hh6dd]

Just had a guy come back 6 mos later and he did want a serious relationship when he came back so…it does happen if you know how to do it right and if it’s the right kind of guy.

[@Scheherazad100]

There are always possibilities beyond what he says. His 6 month comments he qualified saying it was just his opinion. I listen to him however cannot agree on some of his views. Then I'm older than all of you. People and situations can change in a nanosecond. Just know what you want. If he's not in the same place see if he's willing to negotiate before you completely walk away for good. That is if the 2 of you had more positive than negative interactions. Each person has to work it out for themselves. I went no contact just before Xmzs. January decided to wish him Happy New Year and Happy Birthday. Then I informed him I would not contact him anymore. Stated I'm open for coffee if you ever want to connect
That's it. Now I stay in no contact and move on. Our situation was very complicated to begin with. It was a great time learning and working on myself so I could manage parts of the relationship and make mostly positive times together. Our memories are all positive., except for the breakup part. No arguing. Respect. Appreciation,Thank yous
At least that's how I feel.

[@nofybn7794]

Sorry, but he's a liar. Sorry.

[@AD-hh6dd]

⁠@@nofybn7794he wasn’t lying. He ended up wanting to get married and I broke things off. And I’m in a relationship right now with a second guy that came back 5 mos later. Things aren’t always black and white.

[@AD-hh6dd]

@@nofybn7794he’s not if he’s my boyfriend now. Which he is.

[@hollyrodgers9345]

They pull away bc I’m not easy to sleep with. Oh well you lost these benefits when you left.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

THIS! Same story with me. I’ve been ghosted constantly over the course of 2 years of meeting guys who I discover are just after the kitty 🐱. I’ve told them and made it clear that I’m not easy to sleep with, I have standards and I especially require a committed relationship beforehand. These days men just go after anything easy. Sadly there are A TON of easy women. Those of us great women usually end up remaining single for life. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sorry but I have to know the man is IN LOVE with me first and is serious about me first and foremost. My body is mine until then.

[@Scheherazad100]

The 6 to 8 dates for a commitment is crazy. As someone old enough to be your grandmother all you are doing as a guy is taking her off the market for her assets initially. Sex. So no other guy gets to her.
To vet someone for a commitment or any type of a relationship can take a wise, mature man or woman at least 6 months to decide. By then if he dumps her she's been nothing more than a FWB. Jumping into any relationship commitment takes time. Both people need to vet each other. 6 to 8 dates for a commitment? What's the rush?

[@nofybn7794]

It's not a rush. It's more than enough time. 6 months is way way too long. 2 months max is more than enough time.

[@carlasmith3459]

I don't agree. Men come back after six months even after a year. Happens all the time.

[@carlasmith3459]

Come back for a relationship . It all depends on the circumstances and reasons for a break up .

[@MissSarahGM]

@@carlasmith3459 True, especially avoidant attachers, people needing time to grow. Doesn't mean we should wait if the approach isn't what we need to hear.

[@S.Randolph-hu5oh]

Thanks Elliot. Longer than 3 months apart forget it!

[@alexone8338]

You've been posting very interesting content lately! I love when practical stuff is included.

[@minniethomas6206]

If only I could date Elliot 😅😢

[@aprilmichelle6990]

I know lol he is awesome!!! ❤

[@us5freaak]

What for? He talks about women like they’re disposable

[@renatelewis538]

minniethomas6206, be careful what you wish for. 😅

[@Ellegirle]

To each their own 🫤

[@PlaywithDaisy]

Ew😂😂😂

[@JETTSTACHI]

And women are usually done with someone who leaves her within a few weeks.

[@susan5048]

Elliot you have taught me things that I never knew. You are the MAN !

[@lunas2551]

Elliot, I appreciate your content. In one of your older videos, you mentioned how you used to be clingy with an ex and your “own worst enemy.” Can you possibly make a video on how you overcame those patterns?

[@rhondastirewalt3801]

I’m so glad I found this site , I’ve listened too many but your the one that calls it out !! Thank you so much !

[@rainbowcity911]

mine was a narc he will only miss what i do not me

[@chrissemenko628]

Yeah😢
Same😢

[@emmaboyett8667]

how to confuse people with avoidant attachment syndrome

[@starbright2683]

I am learning so much from you.

[@user-il5yj1jv7o]

Men move fast.. the time frames, 3 months for all 4 stages? How did he play any of the stages out, each of those stages seem like they would take me to really live them out and reflect and learning would be 3 months each stage?

[@jtothec1234]

What about couples who breakup and get back together after a year? I've heard stories like this and they are even stronger than ever. Also, what if there is change or growth? I believe people can change.

[@marekin8024]

It's possible. I got back with my guy a year later and we're stronger than ever and getting married. The growth and maturity has to happen on both ends. It's pointless if one person outgrew the other.

[@leilacarvalho409]

That is extremely rare and dont put all your hope in that basket. You are more likely finding someone better for you than repeating a body that changes

[@jtothec1234]

@@leilacarvalho409 Thank you for this!

[@basicinfo2022]

As long as he meets your standards and you're happy with the lifestyle he is offering.

[@jtothec1234]

@@basicinfo2022 Thank you! Something I have to think about. Not sure if he will come back but if he does I would need to see growth and he would have to make effort. Also, I need to have boundaries and my needs met.

[@jadegreen1554]

What about when men “pull-away” not actually going no-contact, but pull away in soft actions like considering other women, paying attention elsewhere and not making the effort with you but still not letting go.

[@user-tt8vg7jk2u]

But then there not being interested in just you only. That would make me feel like I'm not special enough.

[@lihong9389]

Elliot is like our leader 😅 our Moses, taking us to the promised land

[@viviileee]

Land we can find. It’s the promises that are no where to be found 💁🏻‍♀️

[@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo869]

He said he’s scared. I’d consider him an avoidant dismissive. Every time he’s broken up he comes back right away. This time is different because he says he’s letting me go because he’s not mentally well.
You’ve always said men don’t leave a woman he loves so what gives??

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

Push - pull dynamics

[@ceridwynnhaven6236]

Yeah, that's not true. A avoidant dismissive absolutely will push away but actually love you. I feel it's important for them to work on it though; they can improve how they handle their feelings instead of a continuous cycle of excuses.

[@roser8911]

Only weak men would tell you “he’s scared” lol 😂 such BS

[@rose-of-theoasis]

Happened to me too. He left because he was scared. He has gamophobia. I know & I‘m sure of it. I understand he has severe relationship anxiety and get panic attacks because of it but he needs to get help (therapy) for me to welcome him if he ever came back

[@user-dq9iu3oq1r]

It’s gone 6 months with no contact….

[@hajji1509]

İ swear im coming back as a man next time! 😂

[@hellosunshine53]

I love your work @elliotscottdating but I disagree that there can't be a long break and then reunite aka Justin Beiber and Hailey. Sometimes growth happens during the break. I know couples like this, maybe not many but it does happen.

[@emmaa4595]

He leaves because some people dont know when they've got it good. Be 70% good and have boundaries (because statistically you need that balance to have a healthy relationship 100% good doesn't work either) then he will be back. FA will be back in a month or at least check in. DA 6 mths to a year in my experience. DA romanticise you though and almost you can't live up to your past self 😂

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

They want fantasy of you, they don't want reality. You can not change that so ruuuun!

[@private4735]

What if his my ex and he got married, he was talking to me whilst drunk and its been only a month of his marriage, then next day he said he cant speak anymore because his married now

[@emmaa4595]

@@private4735 this is bitter pill to take he sounds like he is having doubts and is checking in with you to see if you will still speak to him. He's got married that's a big commitment. Look after you and take care of yourself, maybe the marriage won't work, but don't bring drama just be cool, polite and respectful. That sets you up for being the girl who is of high value and has grace n standards.

[@nbee6217]

​@@private4735block him

[@anon_ya]

@@private4735 the guy is married and unavailable; he’s not an option for you and it would be unhealthy to pursue anything with him if you continued to talk. Heal and move forward.

[@araceliavila7010]

I love your voice !!!

[@Jules-740]

Ive only dated him for a month. He pulled away twice. 😢 is there enough context for him to care?

[@ElliotScottDating]

It's not that he doesn't care. It's that he doesn't NEED to care. aka, he is taking you for granted. If I pull away twice in one month, I def know I have you.

[@Jules-740]

@ElliotScottDating Thank you Elliot. I think I changed my behavior after realized I liked him so much.

[@Rb79_85]

4 months post breakup from a 4 year happy relationship it seems my ex is going around the office lamenting he is going to be a single bachelor forever more…..
Tiny seeds of doubt? Who knows? He left me due to cold feet (were late 30’s) I do wonder if he’s now starting to feel the break up.

[@rediettadesse2828]

Men are funny AF ❤

[@marlounsly]

I love this title 😂😂😂

[@private4735]

What if he got married...he was talking to me but was drunk and then next day he said he couldn't speak because his married now ,its been 1 month of his marriage (his my ex)

[@annyespinal8077]

Elliot does it work if I’m the one who broke up?

[@Brangienn]

Elliot, will you help to be in a relationship with a specific guy or just with random dude? Thanks for an answer.

[@ElliotScottDating]

I do both if you get the package deal with me. We do our best to formulate something with the guy you're talking while working on your dating life

[@renatelewis538]

Why is it always up to the guy. It seems women r just object's in your opinion. That's why I'm not subscribing. 😮😮😮

[@NMTDelightfulMusic]

He is explaining narcissists. You are an object for the narc. There are fimale narc so guys are objects.
As far as I see there are 60-40% guys vs. girls narcissists. They are all awful 😂😂😂

[@bujitea8522]

@@NMTDelightfulMusicu r right !

[@Jasmin23332]

Look elliot I say we cut allllllll the middle men... You move to n. Z date me and give me immense satisfaction with actual communication lmao

[@qu33nluv58]

3 months us woman move on lol n over it there’s no going bk at that point more like after a month we done done 😊

[@Lena-ng9hw]

Watched about 10 videos on this channel - absolutely the same content in the same words, and nothing useful, all water.