Understanding Intermittent Reinforcement in Narcissistic Relationships
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- čas přidán 5. 08. 2024
- Reinforcement is a concept in psychology derived from the work of behaviourist B.F. Skinner. It’s a method used to increase or decrease the likelihood of a behaviour recurring. There are two main types of reinforcement, positive and negative. Narcissistic people can be experts at using both types of reinforcement, but they employ a more sinister version called intermittent reinforcement. This can be particularly powerful because it creates a cycle of hope and despair, creating trauma bonds and making it difficult for victims to break free.
This video outlines how intermittent reinforcement works and why it can be difficult to spot at first. It also looks at the affects it can have on people and lastly, how to break free from it.
Research:
Skinner, B. F. (1938). The Behavior of Organisms: An Experimental Analysis. New York: Appleton-Century.
Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. L. (1993). The battered woman syndrome: Effects of severity and intermittency of abuse. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 63(4), 614-622.
Carnes, P. J. (1997). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships. Health Communications, Inc.
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darrenfmagee.substack.com/
If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack
/ dfmagee
darrenfmagee.substack.com/
#narcissism #narcissisticmanipulation #recoveryispossible
They’re predictably unpredictable and consistently inconsistent because of intermittent reinforcement - it’s maddening and confusing
My ex (es)
It is meant to confuse you and, worse, it comes from their subconscious mind. It is behavioural patterns that formed in them in their early childhood.... They aware and unaware of it... Maybe even some of them with less pronounced narcissistic traits (some codependent) would like to change but can't..
Im talking not about full blown NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)
I'm talking of some pitiful complacent or codependent, or some playing same dysfunctional games, just because they don't know anything else
It is meant to confuse you and this way to get throu your inner and outer borders...
I lived with this for 40 years. I used to say it was like living with Jekyll and Hyde.
Yes, I as well. It's like 2 days of fairly normal, 2 weeks of silent treatment, verbal abuse, etc. Almost 29 years for me and I'm trying to get out as she has taken a toll on me.
I learned about terms like "amygdala hijacking" and "walking on eggshells" because of intermittent reinforcement.
This was a part of most of my life. I am on my own but when I have friends I get anxious and worry about not doing anything to upset them and I make a scenario in my head that I should not have said that, etc, goes on like a movie, I know I make things up. i am now writing in the diary to recognize these thoughts and meditate. I was sick from it a few days ago but yesterday and today I am doing better. I found your videos and am happy that you are explaining why it is. It becomes some kind of mental addiction. I am not addicted to anything, no alcohol, healthy eating, etc. I know I am an empath and I am practicing self-love I still am afraid of losing someone who is a bit nice to me.
After living for decades with covert narcissists (in the 70's, I was blindsided big time!) I can say I lived the most maddening life and only in the last two years, since I have such valuable information as was given in this video, did I begin to understand why I stopped functioning, stayed depressed, and was an emotional mess. Progress has been slow to overcome all that happened, but I HAVE made progress and will continue to do so. Maybe what I have to give others is experience, however bad, but I can verify this video gives truth and insight. I can verify how bad things can get after 50 years of the mean games with the narc. I thank Darren F Magee for sharing his knowledge.
Meanness is a sign of narcissism ❤️🩹 I learned that too late to save myself
Meanness is a sign of narcissism ❤️🩹 I learned that too late to save myself
@@caroleminke6116 Sadism that just at first seems to be an honest mistake of theirs the first 10 times. The shocking reveal at the end is not what they did, but why they! They'll never admit it, but it becomes too obvious at the end what their true motive was: DOMINATION with plausible deniability to cover it all up. (This is when they reframe it in DARVO style that "you're the problem" to others close to you.)
I was told things like... I will respect you when you shut your mouth... And ... I will apologize when you act right.
Fortunately early on I recognized that the 'praise' was artificial and actually made me feel uncomfortable. I felt that it was fake. Shortly thereafter, it became inconsistent and turned critical & therefore validated my belief that it was fake in the first place. It was easy then to just ignore bc I was not fooled in the first place, but then the person started to try other things to provoke a reaction. So in the end it was easy to go no contact.
It definitely helps if you’re able to see it clearly 😌👌❣️
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Yes! I love hearing stories like this on occasion
I swear you were at my old job. Your description of what happened there is spot on. This is not the first time I've had this feeling watching your videos. Several vids of yours have helped me realize what happened there was not cool.
One of my favorite subects in school was psychology. It's even better seeing it all in real time.
Thank you. Such good information and advice. It’s taken two long years after leaving this kind of situation, navigating a separation and divorce and then finally putting in boundaries that mean zero contact, that I finally feel hope and joy again. Prior to this I was in a constant cycle of relief, then overwhelming grief. I can honestly say I am happy to be on my own and not have to do this crazy walking on egg shells dance ever again. After listening to countless podcasts, completing a few online courses on healing the trauma, I now only listen to the occasional podcast to remind myself how free I am. ❤ Joy comes if you’re prepared to listen and do the work of healing- but not if you have to remain in the situation. Too hard! My heart goes out to anyone who is not able to get away!!!!❤
i experienced this several times, even now people try this when they know they did wrong. They try to pull you back again.
Spot on! Exactly the case. Thank you for brilliant advice Darren. Intermittent reinforcement which is aimed at creating trauma bonds is extremely insidious and plain demonic.
I wonder about the repeated "Oh, you lost weight!" comment from a relative when I was actually struggling because it was going on.
Mean comments are a sure sign of narcissism
Thank you for this.
All of it is future faking, bread crumbing and the old bait and switch.
It’s a shell game from start to rejection
If you’re raised by a malignant narcissist father & a covert vulnerable mother who were both the only child of older mothers who didn’t want children 🤦♀️ you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of having a happy life 👩 it just wasn’t possible to win with the hand I was dealt this time around
Great insights! This was very helpful info. Thank you, Dr McGee!
My husband.
And my boss!
this goes in combination with reactive abuse.
Bingo! Yes and then reactive abuse leads to gaslighting and DARVO. Ultimately they want to abuse you, for you to take it and walk around and think you are the abusive one. You end up being a human rubbish bin.
Thank you.
This video is very accurate. You certainly are helping people. I have absolutely no interest in this person, have removed him from my life, and am doing well.
Sir! Your words are like an oasis in the desert!
I have a question: How often these intermittent phases can occur? Days? Weeks? Or longer time periods? If months or years can we speak abut narcissism?
It’s unceasing & can last a lifetime ❤️🩹 covert or vulnerable narcissists can be especially devastating over time
This would mean that companies and corporations are narcissists by using fear and hope to control employees.
Interested
I rarely get love bombed. 😂 I see through it. It seems disingenuous and yucky so I don't fall for it. Yuck is yuck always.
Although it’s only happened on rare occasions, I’ve considered the source and offered intermittent who cares really?