International Poetry Slam Olomouc - Ondřej Hrabal, Round 2

International Poetry Slam Olomouc - letní kino Hoblina Olomouc, 8 June 2016
1st Czech International Poetry Slam
Ondřej Hrabal - Czech Republic
Detour Productions, Slam Poetry CZ
Supported by the Czech Ministry of Culture
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ONDŘEJ HRABAL
Dildo Bangings
from Ham Shire
It’s hard to spot intellect with a magnifying glass, fuck Shakespeare,
there are more pressing dilemmas
here in Czechsphere
that still last
to steal or not to steal, that is the task
to steal or not to steal -
Sophie’s Rolls Royce or František’s golden flask
fingers still sticky with honey
and you’re offering handshakes?
an army of Švejks against sheiks;
as it was tenderly done with Čapek’s newts,
let’s poison everyone’s waters
with hot topics, news,
and hate
before it’s too late
and then say:
Dear boss, you say you’re a democrat?
Well… I support that
but you’re so irate, a fat cat aristocratic rat
towards your subordinates
under the same dictate
for the hundredth time,
a handless executioner can’t make the right necks bleed
for a bit of weed, I’d wave our flag
Sieg Máj because Mácha had double the swag
the death of Socrates was only a ploy,
most good people here still have drinks to enjoy
after some Tyrolean elegies
Michal David reached the top, jeez,
he really must have been living non-stop
what makes you stronger doesn’t kill you. huh
they say the village idiot, while quite dense
has Village Commons scents
you’ll find truth
at the bottom of the hundredth glass
screw the library, hit the bar, drop yoga class
the situation is so desperate,
renowned philosophers from Brno
Thomas Hoppes and George Beerkley
can’t save the day no matter what
neither will the visionary engineer from Ostrava, James Twatt
even the president Zemanuel Kant help us
perhaps some wizard like Gandhidalf or,
if things take a turn for the worse,
David Mein Campfrfield
May the videos on Okamura’s Facebook page improve the looks of all when they realize that only those shall be jolly and gay for whom the dawn of xenophobia brightens up the day
discussion is a setback, we must unleash our rage
and type out on our keyboards our dogmatic truth, all stoics shall burn like fuel
and roast pork with dumplings and sauerkraut will rule
because as Forefather Czech put it
I know that I know noth…
I know that I know it all best
but you can easily miss this big goal
because where the devil cannot come
he will send…
not a woman…
a sexist asshole
and it gets even better
those who preach wine drink bathtub gin
while the president passes out in his ashtray, face down on his chin
“Blues for the Crazy Girl” by Václav Hrabě
juice for the crazy girl buy me a vodka
vodka&juice for the crazy girl and what’s more
two shots of vodka for me and the whore.
Czechoslovak Socialist Republic - 2025
Jirotka’s Saturnin now known as Plutin
after the newly elected president.
Tokio Okamura, deputy of
the Ministry against Shiny Happy People demands the national tree be sakura
our whole culture is decimated by rowdiness
because rationally
there is no need for censorship
when nobody reads
now you can cry, Huxley was right, I think
instead of Big Brother we’d better get a shrink.
Translation Pavel Gončarov
Revision Matthew Sweney
Literary Translation Atelier,
Palacký University Olomouc