Our Marriage CHECKLIST!! | What We Wanted vs What We Got
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- čas přidán 16. 05. 2024
- In this video, we go through our marriage checklist and compare the list of things we wanted in a spouse when single to what we actually ended up getting. As always, we kept it raw and unfiltered. Turns out we compromised more than we thought, but you know what they say.. "With every cloud.."
Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
I N S T A G R A M:
➡ @thexs.official
➡ @amaratheninja
➡ @whoissufyanx
M U S I C:
➡ Epidemic Sound
B U S I N E S S E M A I L:
➡ sufyanxamara@gmail.com
#marriage #marriagechecklist #Attraction #dating
Anxiety is linked to many factors. From the environment someone is brought up in to the state of the mother during pregnancy. If a mother is highly stressed or anxious during pregnancy, her child will be born with higher levels of cortisol in them. This will mean that they will be more vulnerable to anxiety and in moments of high tension will struggle to combat it. The fact that Sufyan does not have anxiety is a blessing and privilege. Perhaps a big reason behind that is because he was brought up in a healthy two-parent household so naturally more stability. It is important to recognise that anxiety and mental health are a test from Allah. It is important not to guilt trip people about their anxiety rather we should show compassion and be grateful we were not tested.
Very good response ❤
Reading this while pregnant immediately reminded me to try and relax my mind these days to minimise the cortisol going to my baby 😅😂 so thank you for the reminder. ❤️ Ironically, my mum is so chill and rarely gets anxious mA! I always wish I'd inherited that from her 🤣.
Yes, not being predisposed to anxious thoughts is a blessing, some people have a lot more of a battle with it than others. There are different tests we all face, I guess. I also don't think being brought up in a two-parent household inherently means 'healthy' and one-parent household inherently means 'broken' either. Two-parent households can offer stability in ways a single-parent one can't, but they can also be more damaging if the marriage isn't a healthy one (in which case a single-parent household may be more stable). I think it's situation specific and shouldn't be generalised as far as Sufyan initially did (back then).
I think anxiety can be very lonely and difficult to face, and it is good to be with someone who has built-in compassion and understanding with it, but it's not in everyone's nature to be suited to that or enjoy navigating it. (Just as it's not in my nature to have unlimited patience with certain things Sufyan does, but I adapt and try because I love him 😅😂.) Anxiety can reel out into madness if we can't grab onto vines of sanity and reason as we fall. It can just be an an endless hole to fall down. It can get intense if left unchecked (by our own selves) and regardless of the source of it, part of the solution has to lie in agency and taking control of it ourselves as best we can. You either find someone who is just very helpful and accomodating with that off the jump or find someone who wants to help you through because they love you, even if they would (deep down) rather not have to traverse through certain things if given a blank checklist of choice before emotion and feelings are involved.
Allah SWT gives us the strength we need to overcome our own struggles and tests. It's hard sometimes to engage with a test that isn't really your own (or something you experience directly). But then surely if it becomes your test too (helping a spouse through it when your tolerance for it isn't inherently high), Allah SWT will give us what we need to help with that, as He promises to not test us with more than we can handle . 🤷🏻♀️🤲❤️
Excellent comment. Mashallah you are a really good writer. It would be good to have you write a blog to accompany this CZcams channel.
Bless you guys!
I grew in up in so much trauma to begin with, never had a stable household and so much anxiety, last year I finally started to get a life of my own and was feeling better than I ever did AlhamdullAllah, then the war in my country Sudan happened, I lost everything I worked so hard for, my dad died in the war due to lack of medication, and I am now displaced.
The thing is my whole life felt exactly like the war from the start, I never felt safe enough for love to be an option, let alone marriage, or kids. It still feels like it's something that is very unlikely to happen, I am not mentally well enough for a normal life, but when I see you guys, when you visit certain topics, I feel like you're not different from me, it feels like you too had to come along way in a different kind of journey before you could be with someone, and it makes me hopeful, that maybe sometime I might be well enough for it to be an option, and maybe Allah might bless me with the content of love in Dunyia.
SubhanAllah. Inna lilahi wa Inna ilayhi rajiun. My heart broke reading this. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. May Allah SWT elevate him to the highest ranks of paradise and give you and your family's hearts ease. ❤️ I'm so so sorry.
I am touched that even though we are facing such different tests, (you are going through war and extreme loss, subhanAllah), you feel some comfort and solace with us. We are here with you.
While it can be easier to be mentally where you want to be before love and companionship comes into the picture, sometimes love can help mend the pain and help give strength and motivation to work through the trauma and hurt. It can be tiring and feel like work to work through so much, and sometimes it's just too hard to do alone and we need help. That help comes from Allah SWT in so many different forms (therapy, very good friends etc) and can also be through whoever you marry.
I had a lot of personal tests to work through and wasn't 'ready' in that respect when I got married, but marrying Sufyan allowed me to be constantly surrounded by a different (more positive) way of thinking than my own that helped me when I struggled. It also forced me to try to deal with things I didn't want to face or have energy to deal with yet, as otherwise our marriage may not have worked as well (this happens both ways in marriage though as we all have our issues, no one comes in perfect).
Marriage isn't the solution I'm saying by any means, there are so many ways Allah SWT can bring our healing. I just want you to know that if you wanted it, you don't need to be your finished self yet. It's okay to have things to work through, as long as you can do it without harming the other person. It's a journey, and with the right person, one you can take together. It might even bring you closer, like Sufyan said. Marriage can also make you feel the safety you've never felt before (with the right person). It's so hard to imagine that before you've felt it, but even though the person is relatively new to your life, they can just feel like home (this must just be from Allah because it's too weird to even explain in words).
I pray you get everything you want in this life and the next sis, and may Allah SWT make your tests easy on you. May Allah SWT give you the best of spouses in the best time and fill your heart with comfort and joy.
I love you for the sake of Allah and hope to hear updates from you over time iA ❤️ I'm squeeze hugging you from afar. Xxxxx
I can relate to you guys. 50 years later we are still together ❤️
May your love always grow and may you be together for all time, in this world and the next ❤️
never stop these podcast video's, they're so goooood
🥰🥰🥰
Explained the 'mummies boy' so beautifully ❤
Reassuring ❤❤❤
Aww thank you. 😅❤️❤️❤️
May Allah protect you always, Ameen!
🤲❤️
You guys are awesome, wholesome, all the "somes" you can think of, are you guys. I always appreciate these talks. May Allah SWT preserve you two and your families. Ameen!
Such kind words. May Allah return all the blessings to you tenfold! 🤲
I’d love an inverse video of this!!!!!! Things you thought weren’t important that actually were, wallah that would be so helpful 🎉May Allah bless you and protect you and your family In’sha’Allah ❤
What's up X's! Thanks for expressing your feelings concerning this topic. I can relate to both of you as a married man. Continue to understand, love and support each other. BTW..... Y'all are hilarious in a good way!!
These recent marriage topics have been so amazing and eye opening. Please keep up ❤
This is so nice and you guys are really brave to let us into your life
Ooh, this was interesting, & quite brave!
Glad you enjoyed it! 😅
Please keep remaining authentic to each other so neither has any cause for suspicion or distrust… Sufyaan pulling out the video evidence quip lol I feel you misunderstood amaras intent which is harmless, she’s a sweetheart. God protect and guide you both. Ameen
She’s the sweetest. Not a bad bone in her body. Alhamdulillah.
I feel you girl!😂❤ it’s self preservation🥰❤️ I like that
🤣🤣🤣🤣😭❤️❤️❤️ for real
I love that you can talk so openly and honestly about your marriage ❤❤ May Allah continue to bless you.
"Best of the best of the best " @8:16
Lots of people are sadly stuck here and dont see the opportunity to grow with someone.
Alhumdulilah people are there own person, you need to see people who are developed as individuals.
I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. I was smiling from beginning to end but especially "on my checklist" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fantastic episode you guys. I appreciate your vulnerability and your desire to strive for the healthiest relationship possible. You are great role models.
Thank you again Sister Monica. Really happy you enjoyed it! 🥰💖
Allhamduliah so happy u both get along so well it's so beautiful to see ur banter and so relaxed with each other ❤
I did the first like Yay!
Yaaayy 🤍❤️🤍
I always love your pod it’s all interesting may Allah bless and protect your family ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
🤲🥰💖
This was a really good one, shows how much you think you want but then you learn to let some things go and grow as a person . Allahumma barek ,love that y'all have this awesome healthy relationship. May Allah protect you always,ameen ♥️
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great video. its so enlighting as someone who is single and has a lot of these of her list lol
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The conversation at 22:56 about Sufiyan wanting a wife with some black in her and realizing it’s unislamic is such an honest and common thing. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Difficult but necessary conversations!
Happy Friday to you guys
❤️❤️
The skinny jeans leopard print combo is wild though
😂😂😂
I relate to the race issue, I understand the thinking is wrong and not in line with deen but I don’t think I can marry someone who isn’t black. Especially because most other races are anti black (especially predominantly Muslim ones such as south Asian and Arab)
It’s true for the most part, Sufyaan being half Pakistani is a unique situation. But if he was full black I doubt he’d be with a non black woman.
I love how you said its not what you wanted but you got what you needed....thats a very important thing to remember in life....wants and needs are 2 different things...apply it to everything in life and we could understand a lot from it in Shaa Allah 🤲❤️
May Allah swt bless your marriage with love peace and happiness Ameen 🤲❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sufiyan is a lil defensive ngl 😂
I noticed that too he feels like he has to prove himself
Hella defensive 😂😅
Which is natural and normal. I was expecting it 😂
Thanks❤
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Love you guys 🫶🫶 you are such intelligent young couple stay blessed continue lto love and respect each other like you doing.
Totally get you guys I'm from mixed background myself As n Spanis married Jamaican of Christian n Muslim backrounds .Respect each others cultures and religions and enjoy.🫶
Assalam aleikum The 4X’s, ❤
Amaya,😘
W/salaam Al-Aswad ❤️
💛💛💛
♥️♥️♥️
May Allah bless your family
Ameen wa iyyaki ❤️
❤❤❤❤MashaAllah ❤❤❤❤
❤️❤️❤️
I get the not being traditionally Pakistani thing cuz my family is like that and i dont see myself marrying a pakistani
Allahu Barik. For a interest vlog.
Thank you 😊
36:14 - this here is the truth. All revert bros pay attention ;)
This is semi true but at the same time speaking of experience some families are happy to marry a revert and others would prefer someone who is more knowledgeable about Islam and grew up in the faith.
Keep in mind for a revert, the rest of their family may not be a Muslim which may be an issue for the spouses family.
Shared on muzz!
Thank you!! Xx
@33:36 Wait Sufiyan is half Pakistani!? Wow didnt see that coming. I thought he was 100% Jamaican. Coooool. Do a video in Urdu!
🙋🏽♂️🇯🇲🇵🇰
Man marry when their ready or religion /social pressured. Woman marry for stability and financial benefit. From all that factors into reason why people choose to get married, these are my top reasons.
Yea but family pressure women too also sometimes the men and women want kids😊
It’s another one of those men does this and women do that when we all know that men marry for so many more than that and women marry for so many more reasons than that, that can also cross over and have the same points.
Interesting #hottake 👀
The honeymoon one was awkward and Awful
Yes you want to love his exfamily you are his new family
😂😅😅 it's funny looking back now
The the husband gives used to be player vibe ofc he’s extrovert and notices 😂
I think Amaras naive and sheltered he’s very street wise and switched on.
I think Amara is just the sweetest purest soul
Football player * 😅
I’m glad you took my suggestion! I’ve been meaning to change the name and definitely will be now lol!. This was sooo helpful and I love how you keep it real with your responses. Are you guys on insta? I love you guys!!
No we love your channel name 😭❤️ anything that says 'fun' has me hooked and on board to watch 😂❤️. I'm so glad you found it helpful. & Gotta keep it 💯 always! 🤣 Our IG handles are @amaratheninja, @whoissufyanx & @thexs.official xxx
Wait I had to pause this video to comment about the procrastination of my husband with the great ideas but the execution time it’s always last minute and it’s such a petpive of mine. Ps Safian he is mixed dad is Jamaican and mom is Canadian🤔🤣🤣 also a man that treats his mother with respect is a man that will treat his wife well
His mum is Pakistani British
Are you claiming that Jamaican mixes are genetically predisposed to procrastination???? 👀😅 Maybe it’s down to the cultural herbs. Ancestors left it lingering in the bloodstream. Big up your husband 💪😂
I know safian’s mom is Pakistani they have mentioned it a hundred times in their videos it’s my husband’s mom who is Canadian. Go back and read my comment 🤔
Safian let’s just keep that if you know you know🤣🤣🤣 you guys are great👍🏽👍🏽