Healing the Stress Response of a Perfectionist
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- čas přidán 21. 08. 2024
- For the perfectionist, I believe they are in a constant state of fight AND flight, where their stress response is in overdrive. Their constant busy living and avoidance keeps them from dealing with matters of the heart that need compassionate healing and grace. In this broadcast, I want to lay out how the stress response of fight and the response of flight both impact the perfectionist in destructive ways. I will also share what can be done and how we can allow our stress response to heal so we can more effectively navigate through the broken areas of our hearts.
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The fact that you uploaded this 2 hours ago if confirmation of God’s timing for me. I am currently sitting through some debilitating anxiety, panic, fight AND flight. Apparently I’ve always operated out of it and now I’m needing to begin this journey of allowing God to heal the wounded places in my heart. I have endured sexual abuse at the hands of my biological father while being a caretaker to my diabetic mother all starting from the age of 5 years old. I’m just now at 37 in this very moment realizing the emotional neglect I experienced amongst the rejection Of my father and a hyper critical mother. I’ve been striving and surviving my entire life. I am now finally in a “safe place” with a safe spouse and I truly believed God has chosen this season in my life to get me to begin to dig deeper Bc He wants to heal these areas. Thank you for all of your resources. I have 3 of your books on the way!
God bless you in your healing journey ❤️🩹❤🧡💛
Happy God is blessing you through this journey
How are you now? I’m currently suffering with the same symptoms you described and I also had a rejecting father AND critical and mean narc mother
Words can’t express my gratitude for your insight on these topics. I came to the end of myself this past week realizing the things I’m obsessing over cannot be the actual issue. And no amount of human reassurance could help, sometimes it even made my thoughts worse. Things are starting to make sense now. After being sick with the flu on top of it, I’ve been forced to sit back and look at the real problems. My ocd, my perfectionism, but my deep deep need to be loved and secure in my relationship with God. My ocd and perfectionism are blocks to my relationship with God, and are also symptoms of my insecurity in my relationship with God.
Thank you Mark.
Embracing compassion for myself
I always wondered in my fear if God would get me the help I needed or was it a million things I needed to do. But God led me to your book about the love of the Father and I feel like wow!! God knows what I needed so bad. Because I’ve never felt safer or more understood than after listening to your teachings. I thank God for your ministry!! To receive Gods love in a real way is so much relief to my weary soul. Thank you and truly God bless you and your family.
This has been a fantastic podcast? Even cried a bit when listening because it helped answer so many questions I have about myself.
The Lord delivered me from so much this past 2 years from stuff I was using to alleviate the symptoms of trauma to bring me to this season of healing. Having to look at the deep stuff has been extremely painful because it's everything I been running away from for so long but thankful He truly leaves the 99 for the 1 cause there is no way I could've done this on my own. Thankful for your calling as a big bro Mark and this ministry! An answer to many prayers! For the those of you here at the beginning of what the Lord is doing ❤️ stay encouraged brave children of a great promise🙏🏽
Constant! I typed that in my journal notes yesterday. It was a word that the Lord emphasized in a message to me as he was highlighting the nature of my thought life. Constant and continual rating and checking!! Then, later in the day, I see this video! So good!! I am grateful to God for your teachings!
Wow. I really AM messed up... You just described me.
Hello Mark, everything you said spoke to me. Eye opening, it made me think Wow, he knows me. Great video, thank you.
Thanks Mark, spot on.
SO good to hear my patterns described so well! I stumble over wanting intimacy -- people/God are just NOT safe. : ( And when I am "still"...not doing anything to relieve the internal pressure, nothing seems to happen...so I go back to trying to care of things. Feels hopeless.
Great teaching!! I’m definitely going to buy the book on CPTSD by Pete Walker.
Hey mark! May God bless you.
Wow can I relate to all you said about performers. It's scary to step out of my element into relationship. I am a professional at avoidance. And masking. Thank you for outlining the process to challenge the disturbance and start learning to slow down and take moments to accept God's love. I drive my adrenal system like Mario Andretti
Where did this masking that I have on come from?
Thank you so much. CZcams suggested you 6 months ago. I am learning layer by layer. Slowly marinating. Trying and trusting to enjoy the process, to "just be OK" in the moment. In my recovery from compulsive overeating and food journaling, I saw the fear and rejection, as I continued I realized "just right, not enough" is the back ground noise of the train running on the wrong rut deep track. This video is lots of good content. I'll have to review it several times.
Thank you my brother from another mother.
Praise God for not de levering us over to our fears and foolishness! I therefore bind to hell one disliking oneself while binding one to like oneself, binding to hell to respond out of fight of flight-reaction when one gets stressed in my life, the lives of my family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, acquitances, opponents and the body of Christ while binding one to think wisely before one acts and binding to hell looking with contempt to one's weaknesses while binding one to see one's weaknesses as opportunities to heal and better oneself, binding to hell every unequal yoke and common share with anyone disliking oneself while responding out of fight or flight-reaction when stressed while lacking to think wisely before one acts and looking with contempt to one's weaknesses while lacking to see one's weaknesses as opportunities to heal and get better, in accordance with this word and proverbs 13:16, 2 corinthians 6:14-18 in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah, glory to God ❤!
That is so good 'fixing mode' God has been speaking rest to me . Now you are helping me get there. Thank you Mark
I’m listening to this episode for a second time. I so need this and this is very much like me. Thank you for this.
Thank you
This is so good!
thank you 🙏🙏🙏
Amazing, thank you
Definitely learning how to have compassion for myself. Just recently started walking that path with the Lord.
@Mark DeJesus I know that's not the real Mark lol
Im glad you could see that.
This was right on time for me, it ministered to me, thank you!
This is so great and timely! I’m seeing fear or weakness and imperfection because I have an underlying belief that I just fix it myself…or fix it NOW! Leaving no place for journey. I just started seeing my therapist again and I feel this is SO timely!!! I also was able to raise $500 to have some sessions with her! 😭😭😭 Believing this is a place of healing for me. Thank you for all you do Mark! Love you brother!
@Mark DeJesus
@Mark DeJesus someone created a duplicate account!
I commanded fake mark to leave. LOL
@@marktdejesus Good! Little turkey! Get on outta here!
OMGosh, Mark, this made SO much sense and helped me tremendously!!! 👍
What does LOVE feel like? What should iI expect? I'm not good with emotions so I have done the best I could to crush them.
The more I listen to you the more you irritate me. Don't get me wrong, I like and appreciate you. This video is kicking my butt.
I understand that feeling. It can kick up the shame in us. You are loved.
Thank you so much. This video really helped me tremendously. I related to everything you said and it brought relief to understand the source of what I've been dealing with. I also found a lot of what you shared as a common personality type of Christians. The black and white thinking, the shame, the blaming and victimization, and the very harsh , edgey demeanor of Bible thumpers . I wonder if perfectionism is a trait of Christians or those drawn to Christianity are perfectionist...
I think my constant phone scrolling is a form of avoidance
I saw someone’s comment on Gods timing and even though this was posted 5 months ago, it was perfect timing for me tonight. How I can go from the presence of God to on fire mad and cursing 🙄🤔 because of these teachings, much prayer and some Abbey Howe Enneagrams I was able to realize that anger came from a hurting perfectionist- I was able to go to you tube and listen to this clip and give myself a pass, some love and forgiveness and NOT spiral, spin or continue in other negative ways. Thank you 😊
Very interesting and good. Just started to listen. I’m 74 and been on self improvement journey since a child. Oldest with seven siblings, Catholic, growing up with Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver. Learned my identity in Christ in my thirties. Always open and learning of inner healing and all the gifts of the Spirit, thirty years or so ago a wise man from UK with a prophetic gift and taught at a conference I attended. When I went up for prayer he told the Spirit of perfectionism to come out of me. I fell to the floor with no thought in my part, completely surprised. Life went on and now I am in a new chapter of struggle in my journey. I am blessed to have found you as you could be the answer to need for a therapist. What thoughts, if any, do you have about my experience of being slain in the Spirit?
This is me again 🤝🏻💯😖
My thing is, Im a perfectiinist but also a people pleaser, so im not demanding to other or express anger, so its ALL internally focused
What about an internal driven lifestyle. I don't do enough physical work, but I do a lot of mental work. Honestly, I feel like I am trying my best but apparently it's not enough for anyone. I do recognize some self-pity but why am I not "allowed" to have self compassion? I struggle. I really do. I am not a rock.
Need prayer for chronic stresss and panic attacks please
Thank you in advance, love y’all God bless
Prayers to you
For I am the Lord your God, I take hold of your right hand and say to you, do not fear I will help you! Isaiah 41:10
I’ve been telling myself “For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, peace and a sound mind.” I said that scripture out loud yesterday while I was in the middle of a panic attack and it went away immediately. Say scriptures out loud.
@@jamescapb3795 Yes!! That’s been my go to scripture lately.
❤
This is me in a nutshell help!!! Lol
I need help with processing
Got a lot of criticism from every angle during childhood. Presbyterian minister father who was narcissistic and morally judgmental, perfectionist chronically busy mother, critical emotionally abusive brother, critical grandmother, critical teachers, friends etc. My mother was a perfectionist in her own life - but couldn’t tolerate it in me. Expressing strong preferences would irritate her and she would criticise me more for not being flexible enough, yet in her own life was constantly seeking perfectionism just in different areas. So her areas were deemed rational and sensible, my areas were irrational, irrelevant and frivolous. She still cannot see her own hypocrisy.
I understand the self compassion message, but how do you reconcile it with the other message we always get from society to keep doing our best? To try hard to succeed? I have more of a problem with going into freeze mode and lack of success rather than being an over achiever. In some areas that I value more than others, I do not really know how to aim for the middle ground. It feels unsatisfying and frustrating. That knowledge that things are ‘ok’ but if you’d tried harder the result could have been better. I don’t like the feeling of certain things being mediocre. I think everyone has different areas where they don’t care so much and areas where they do care, and they differ for everyone.
Im having physical fight, flight, cause i had a traumatic event happen in the weather conditions. So on rainy days my body is not in homeostasis as its supposed to be.
I'm the cause of my problems, with this in mind, I'm supposed to work to fix myself, this doesn't make sense to me. I'm about to be 68 and I'm still screwed up.
Anyone explore medications to aid in recovery from this?
Having ocd how can you tell your partner they are perfectionists or do they learn on there own?
I think I forgot what the definition of obsession means.
So is this a part of OCD or something different? Can you have both?
If you struggle with OCD, perfectionism is automatically there.
👍🏼👌🏽
Can you please explain youe views on Penal Substitutionary Atonement? I just recently watched another one of your videos where you mentioned Jesus taking the wrath that "sin requires," and that discouraged me a bit, because scripture talks about Jesus Himself being the one who treads the wine press of God's wrath (Revelation 19:15).
Scripture talks a lot about God's wrath and hatred of sin, and anger at sinners (Psalm 7:11).
I'm wary of teachers that leave out or don't explain these aspects of God, because scripture teaches them. And even if there is some truth to what you are teaching, it makes me afraid that you are teaching people what they want to hear and not what is actually true of God and scripture.
I don't mean to sound accusatory. I'm just concerned.
I think his target audience is already well aware of the wrath of God and how sinful they are. He is trying to accomplish balance and correct mental health towards themselves and a relationship with God. There are believers who need teachers like Mark because they are over sensitive to sin and carry a lot of issues related, and there are believers (or Christians by name only ) who need preachers like Paul washer to sober them up a bit because they are not taking God seriously. That’s just my opinion 😀
@@andreav1706 I understand! I just think using phrases like the wrath that "sin" requires waters down the gospel and isn't actually true. Sin doesn't require anything, but God requires judgement over sin, and Jesus loves us enough to take that on Himself, and the Father loves us so much to send Jesus. That's the beauty, is that we don't deserve it, but He's so good anyway
I want God to fix me cause I don't trust me to do it.