Is It Easier To Have More Children? | Ep. 295
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
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My grandmother had 11 children. She raised them in rural Romania,without washing machine, disposable nappies, or even a sink in the house. She was a breastfeeding grandmother as I have 5 cousins who are older than my youngest uncles. She died 2 years ago, age 90 surrounded by her girls. When she passed she had 9 children alive, 19 grandchildren, 31 great grandchildren and 2 great great grandchildren. When the priest came for her last communion and asked her if she has something to repent she said " God was so good to me. God was always in my life and my life was God".
I've been saying that each baby born brings it's own challenge. However, the baby is not the hard part. The baby part is easy, it's having older kids AND a baby that's hard. But yes, the kids entertaining each other is just priceless. Not only is it cute but Soo much easier lol
I am currently juggling a toddler and a newborn, so I live for this long game encouragement. 🥴
Hahaha same!
Same we’re in this together y’all! 😵💫🤭
I only have 3 and am pregnant with my 4th. My 3 are really close together so they were all under 3 for a few months. When I have 4, they'll be 0, 1, 3, and 4. This is encouraging! Also, I want to encourage anyone considering more kids who feels like 1 is already a lot to manage. It is easier with 3! I promise! They are all good friends now and really entertain each other. Plus, my capacity has truly expanded, praise God. I'm now way more productive as a pregnant mom of 3 littles than I was before I had kids. I say, trust God, have more kids, and watch the blessings unfold.
This is so good to know. I feel tapped out with my toddler some days, but baby #2 is on the way so we will have to figure it out
I have four children and baby number four was born when my oldest was still four. I lost some weight in an attempt to feel healthier to carry another baby, but regained the weight. It has been super discouraging because I very much would like to have more children, and my husband is open to that as well. I just feel uncomfortable already with how I look, and it’s hard to imagine gaining more weight as is natural in a pregnancy and just feeling so big. My other hesitation has unfortunately been my mother-in-law who does not share the same sentiments on growing our family. Housework is not my strong suit, and she sees that as just one of several reasons why adding another baby would be a hindrance to our family. Thank you for this episode. It encourages me a lot that I can make changes to my lifestyle and habits that may be hard right now, but will greatly benefit my future self. I really see the potential of adding more children as something that will not be detrimental but an abundance of blessing, and while I may not be a model example of a larger family, it’s something the Lord would surely use to sanctify me and refine my life to better reflect Christ. Love you guys and thank you for discussing this relevant topic! ❤
My belief is that no matter if you have 1 or 12 each phase comes with challenges.
Every mom should know their struggle is valid even if they “only have one” or whatever. I got real tired of people telling me “ I only had two” when I had a struggle. That mindset needs to go.
I agree. This is all a thoughtful conversation and enjoyable podcast overall. I agree with you that a “large family” is definitely relative. I have 4 kids and for us that’s a big family-they’re all adopted which does bring its own challenges, too. For anyone I think we can all agree there is sometimes that one kid that feels like 10 kids in and of themselves and then there may be a set of 3 or more that’s doesn’t give any extra trouble. And then we all have different personalities as adults. 😊🤍 If a parent or family struggles or not it shouldn’t matter how many kids they have.
People always asked me what number it got easier. People told me when we started that 4+ got easier but my experience was the same as yours. We had the first 4 in less than 5 years - that was the hardest year of our lives with a 4,2,1,0. I started to freak out that I couldn’t keep up. We added our 5th to our family last year with a 7,6,4,2 1/2 year. Right now life is the easiest it’s been since we started. It’s amazing how fast the seasons change with just a year or two. Life with a 9,7,6,4 18 months is so much easier than any year thus far. I am thankful for all the hard years though we would not be the part we are now if we hadn’t. I learned how to embrace all the hard and grow along the way and now like you said my community is so much greater - this is a sweet season of having a few older children and still having a baby. Big families are such a joy.
Pregnant with my 9th. It's gotten harder and easier depending on both baby's personality and the demeanor of the older children and the stages they are in. Some of my children have had difficult stages while adding a new baby and that has really made those ones more difficult, while others slipped in without being noticed. But 8 is definitely harder then 2. By a long shot.
I have two toddlers and would love to have more, but I am nervous! I so appreciate this conversation
Im currently pregnant with #4 and I 100% agree with that when you are at child number 4 ... you just can't keep up with your 'own' life when you want to raise really amazing humans. Life has to be totallly different, the second I embraced the reality of having lots of kids (as in severely simplifying life) . It was seriously the best thing ever! I quit my stay at home job, I sold some hobbies, I decluttered a ton, and honed in and focused on what mattered. We seen friends a lot less, focused just on our family. Family is our first ministry, everything else is secondary.
I really appreciate your prespectives so much in a world where its so countercultural.
50:42 Elisha your Father sounds incredible! What a blessing to have been raised with a dad who was so intentional & connected to you.
I'm in that stage. Nine from 23 down to the three year old. It has it's own unique challenges. ❤
I really liked the comment, “we can definitely do 10 under our own roof.” I see so many people not even able to handle 3 well, and really comes down to not focusing correctly on managing their own schedules and their kids’. But at the same time, I think you should embrace your own limits! I wouldn’t ever wish someone who doesn’t know how to manage themselves + 1/2 kids to have 5. Or someone who could do 7 well to push past that and have 9/10. There is a very real danger of not giving the last ones proper time and discipline. How would you feel if your last baby didn’t accept Christ? Of course, Katie and Elisha have a very different background than most of us listeners, and that will help them to go further ❤
Having a toddler is hard. It s a marathon. I homeschool 6 kids and the homeschooling is harder with a toddler.it doesn’t matter how many other kids you have. But it s worth it. And it s only a couple years and they are so cute.
I think the number of kids and how easy or hard it is depends so much. The kids themselves for me have not been the hardest part of adding kids, pregnancy and postpartum have been what make me really consider not having more. I am pregnant with my 6th and the last 3 babies I have had some really rough physical challenges during pregnancy and postpartum that make doing even the minimum nearly impossible. Along with the challenges in those moments, I am concerned about my long term health. Kids are such a blessing though and I love each one dearly.
I liked this 'being in the midst of the real time conversation'! It's helpful to see you juggle arguments, weigh values and check your heart along the way. I love your planned out, arguments collected, podcasts as well, they are great food for thought. But this is a nice showcase of the path to that.
Thank you for the encouragement to be pouring into our children early on. I need this reminder to train obedience, respect, independence, and to teach them skills.
For my husband and I, going from 3 to 4 was the easiest so far. Our kids are all 19 months apart. We will have a 4.5 year age gap between 4 and 5 when this new baby arrives in July. Our oldest is almost 10 and our youngest is 4, so it will be interesting to see how different it is this time around but we are confident that God has equipped us with exactly what we need for this new blessing.
So encouraged to continue to grow after listening! I feel like I’m in a similar stage as you but one or two kids behind, so I’m learning so much listening to you two! Thank you!
I have an 11 month old and two year old. Pregnant with my third! I love just watching their friendship.
also love the tips you guys. thank you!
I also found this cool to listen to. We have 5. I found going 2 to 3 kids the easiest. They were all 3 and under, but the older two were such good friends. We were still on our own schedule (no preschool yet) so it was nice. Having #4 3 years later was tough. She has down syndrome, so lots of appointments and some surgeries in her first year, plus juggling gr 1 and JrK (at a school) for two others was tough. But yes, God grew is and sustained us! So many supportive friends and family… Then 6 years later - surprise! #5! I was so nervous to be “starting over” again. We have 13, 12, 10, 7 & 1 now. And our 7 year old with DS and our 1 year old are so sweet together! And the older three are so helpful with the two “little girls”, as I call them. Not what we “planned” or expected, but it’s a pretty cool family dynamic! And God knew exactly what He was doing in our family 😊
Blessings to you guys!
Thank you for letting us in to your conversations. Hugely valuable. Really appreciated the chat on how to use my time well with just one (and validating why it’s hard!) with my 2 month old. You are blessing many with your openness - thanks so much.
If you have more children, your older ones will be able to turn to them for babysitting after they get married and have your grandchildren and in turn those will grow up and babysit for your younger children's children. It's a beautiful thing. ❤
My mom grew up in a family of 10. We have multiple 5 generation’s because some of the women had babies in their teens through 40’s and my great grandmother lived to 101! We have a newspaper article with my great grandmother and grandmother after giving birth to their babies at the same time in the hospital. 😊
Really enjoyed this conversation.
I am a mother of 4, for us going from 2-3 kids was most difficult by far while going from 3-4 was the most smooth transition for us.
I agree with you that the ages of the older children makes a huge difference!
I definitely think there’s some truth to this! While I only have 3, 2&3 have been much easier to manage compared to 1. Going to have baby 4 at the end of the month and not the least bit worried about adding another one because like mentioned, the expectations are already set and everyone has their role. Thanks for sharing!!
LOVED this podcast!! Speaking to my heart and convicting me on all the levels!
Very encouraging because I have a 3 year old and am currently newly pregnant with 2nd baby.
My husband and I literally just had this exact conversation with 5 kids the same ages at yours. We “want to raise our tribe” together. And talked about the exact same timeline. Not wanting the oldest to be more than 10/12 years older than last. We would like them all to be raised together. But like you both said we know Gods ways are better and we hold it with open hands. But we live by seeking peace with each decision and right now we have peace with our decision but are always open to change. It’s a constant conversation but I believe that’s what God what’s for us to always be bringing it to him - if you make an absolute decision you are leaving God out of the equation and I don’t thinks that’s what the Lord wants for us. He wants us seeking him and asking him to lead us.
I was 14 when my mom had her last baby - at first I was a punk about it because it was slightly embarrassing to admit my parents had 8 children, but that lasted until about 5 seconds after I met him then I instantly adored him. He just graduated high school and all of us siblings have always been really close! Just encouraging you that God works it out for whatever He gives. 😊
I agree. My husband and I both have a 14 year span with our siblings so we know what that is like. There are many blessings to having older and youngers as well.
Love this podcast topic. I have two boys and in my heart I would love another, I've just had a lot of trouble conceiving and difficult pregnancies. Trying really hard to just give it to God, and if he decides for us to have more we will embrace it 💙
Ps. katie I love your hair, it looks so healthy and beautiful 😊
I have 5 children and it’s been an incredible journey. I found 3 really hard then it became easier thereafter. I loved the journey but overwhelmed with a husband who was not engaged at all. I homeschooled without his help. I now have a supportive amazing man in my life. I already have 5 grandchildren and one on the way. So exciting and still young to have the energy for it all. Such a blessing. 😊❤
It’s nice to hear about the importance of parents and adults still growing. Unfortunately my husband and I have noticed a lot of price and lack of willingness to grow in some of our parents and one of our value is that we always want to be humble and approachable with our kids
I know it’s easier said than done but I want to be the grandparents and in-laws that my kids and their spouses have no issues with
@groundedapproach I agree, I wanna be a great, reliable grandmother.
So much depth to this conversation! I am an only child so being pregnant with my 7th is so wild to me, but it’s been the same for me in that the Lord has brought me along one child at a time. I had my preferences and was just prayerful each time and it’s been the biggest blessing.
36:45 its fear of the unknown! Do not be afraid, He is with you, He will not forsake you ❤
This was a helpful conversation to listen to. Currently have a 2 year old son and we have been having baby #2 conversations like crazy. I’ll take it this is the Lords confirmation 😉
I’m a mum of two (planning atm for #3!) and I say go for it! We have a 23m age gap and they have such a great connection already at 5mo and 2yo.
I agree that when we had our 4th it was the hardest, because I got pregnant with her when our oldest was still 4 years old. We’re currently expecting our 5th and it seems like our children are the easiest because they are older now.
We have a 13yo, 10yo, 3yo and another on the way due in about a month. We struggled with infertility issues hence the spacing of ages. My husband especially felt the children would not be connected or have close relationships concerned by the age spread, but we've found it to be the opposite. We've found the kids have wonderful relationships and special connections, the older ones are learning great life skills too.
For me there was a lot of thought that went into the number of children born into our family… our health/mental health and our family’s health history, income and projected income, stability of our marriage, and parenting skills. Considering all of these factor’s, we had two children and divorced when our youngest was 19.
so appreciate this honest convo! You guys are a blessing!
There was a lot of great discussions here and food for thought!
It's so incredible to hear these reflections. Thank you for sharing! Recently, God has been speaking to me as I've been praying about future children. I've subconsciously felt as though I'm 'holier' or a better Christian if I have more kids. God reminded me that that is not the case - rather it matters that I OBEY Him. I truly believe that God calls each of us according to HIS purposes and has a plan for each of us (Romans 8:28). For some couples, obedience to God will be to have 11 or 12 children. For some couples, that will be to have 2 or 3 children (perhaps when they even imagined having more). And perhaps God has a PURPOSE for that extra space in their lives, either spent in ministry or obedience to God's call in another way. What matters is that we are obedient to God's call!!! One day will be accountable to God, before His throne... we will not have our husbands or wives or children with us... what matters most is that we hear Him and OBEY His voice ☺ But obviously to do that, we need to have a close relationship with Him so we can hear His voice! Anyhow, just thinking out loud... would be curious to hear anyone else's thoughts on this!! I truly do believe children are incredibly blessing from the Lord.
This was such a fantastic episode! Thank you both for sharing your views. I’m sitting here wondering what I need to improve on before I give birth to our second child in less than a month. Our first born is an angel, well behaved and I’m trusting God will help us through this transition the right way and learn through the rest. We were blessed with many embryos after 2 years of loses and we could potentially end up with 6 children in total or more 😊
We are so thrilled about that even though my pregnancies are 9 months of puke and part of our family thinks it’s irresponsible. But hearing all of your ways to think about it reassures me that we will make it through with God by our side and we simply have to continue to grow as parents and with our business. We’ve noticed this shift just with one and how our life is more enjoyable now with a child than it ever was before being a family.
God bless you all and may God continue to bless you with as many children he desires for you two. Much love 💓
When they say “in my old age” while referring to themselves today 😂.
I just think it's hilarious that you guys are like, "These 10 little kids are no problem, but when they get older, it's going to be so much harder," when your oldest is still a little kid, lol. I understand that you have & are watching your parents go through this, but that's not the same as experiencing it yourself. I have 7 kids ages 17 to 5 & everyone has told me that the older years are so much more difficult, but for me, my teens are great & I found it much more difficult when I had 3, under 5.
I'm only on having 3( currently 32 weeks)at the moment. We are thinking of having 4 or 5, which I never dreamed of as my first two were from a different relationship. But their ages are 13 and 10. It's a different kind of hard, but I find it so much easier than baby times.
My mom told me after I recently had my first baby (a girl) that we should have a boy and then stop having kids. (Assuming baby number two would be a boy ). It was sad to hear that, since she had 7 of us herself. I think she's just been overwhelmed emotionally over the years due to her grown kids not all following the Lord , and using her for childcare a lot over the last ten years. Parenting well was definitely lacking in my family growing up, and that was not just because of our size.... :/
I definitely agree with Katie that parents are to take dominion and not depend on grandparents doing childcare. I'm thankful my mom helped us out while I still had to work but that was not my preference or hers either. :/
Do you have any good books on parenting 9 year old boys?
Isn't the point for children to be engaged. In relationship though.
You kind of understand it as it unfolds, but imagine: a child in a family with several other children has a relationship with mom, and with dad, and with each individual other child. I only have three, and my oldest is two, but I'm constantly surprised how much my little guy likes to hang out with a baby, and the baby gets so much satisfaction from watching our 2 year old play. And our one year old is a little less social. Because our 2 year old is engaged with the baby, she has an opportunity to read quietly or just be around mom and cuddle. The more children I have, the more each finds their own role in the family and the more space is created for their individual identities to develop. And they're more confident because if a kid at church doesn't want to play with them, they have all their siblings that they know their place with and they know they're accepted among. Every child you have is another relationship that they're engaged in, in addition to you. And you're always available to hang out, even if you're changing a baby or nursing, you can still engage with your older children. New kids don't take you away any more than any other task. If I wasn't changing a baby, I'd be making soap or reading a book. I wouldn't just be idle. I like to be busy and I'd be busy whether or not I have a baby.
Yes. She's just saying when you have only 1 child all the pressure is on Mom fit ALL engagement, all the time. It's fatiguing and helps to have siblings doing some of that engagement. It's easier to get dinner made if you have 2 or more children that play well together.
Why are the older years hard? I'm asking because I really don't know?
I only have one. He is 4 and full of energy. Both me and my husband are exhausted. We can’t even imagine having more because we simply don’t have the energy for that and yet.. it saddens me he will be all alone when we’re gone. Any advice?
As Katie said, raise your threshold! Some practical tips:
- get up before him and be productive
- teach him to play on his own, even just for 30min at a time
- is your house cluttered, poor storage, etc.? That will make it more stressful to tidy, maintain, be relaxed in, etc. Maybe your space needs a refresh!
@@emmagreenland-broadsmith6841 thank you!
I have a two year old boy with lots of energy. When it’s just me and him, it’s exhausting. He wants every second of my attention. He’s lonely and I’m the only person around who can solve that.
We go to bible study and dinner at someone’s house once a week. There he plays with the other kids and only occasionally comes to me if he is upset of injured. He also plays with other little boys every time we go to the park.
We just welcomed our second boy. It’s not really that much harder. My toddler loves being a big brother. I’ve realized that I have to train him to be more helpful/independent, so I’ve been working on that with him and it’s going well. I give him lots of praise and he enjoys being Mommy’s helper. I can really see how they will be great playmates soon. Neither of them will need me to fill their loneliness. I really think having more than one is going to be easier in that way.
@@dianaaugustine5438 that is so nice! I think you’re right. Things might work out with intentional training for more independence and more socializing with other kids(in my case). Thank you!
I believe people says it's easier because they have the older children helping them around the house or with the younger children. I don't believe that's ideal if you want your children to have a great childhood. My husband and I have three children back to back. Our children are ages 11, 10 and 8 years old. We couldn't imagine having more to add to the plate. Some families have challenges like autistic, ADHD, down syndrome children or children with different other disabilities that makes it a lot harder to raise. I believe God gave my husband and our children for us to raise and not for our children to help raise the younger siblings. If we have more children it would be solely me and my husband responsibilities to take care of them and make sure they had the necessities for them. I know some parents have lots of children and then they decide to homeschool or they decide to have the oldest ones teach the little ones. I still believe that's not ideal and that's not God's plan. He did not call us to have children so they can get rid of all of our burdens. We were called to teach our children and not to lead them into stress. Yes I believe we should teach him to cook, clean, and have responsibility for themselves, but the responsibility is not for them to help raise their siblings. I've asked plenty of people who have lots of siblings about how they were raised and most of them feel stressed out about having to help their parents take care of younger siblings. Like changing diapers, taking them outside to play, cooking food for the family, and washing all the clothes. Some of those things are okay and I do believe that children need certain responsibilities, but to always have your older children responsible for the little ones is to me absurd. That's not their responsibility.
Agree💕🙏
whats with the mullet😂😂
I am the oldest of 5 and didn't have much of a childhood because I had to be "mommy" to the younger 4. I wasn't allowed to have friends because I was needed at home. At 73 I resent being "used" at the cost of my childhood. I am not close to my siblings because they were forced on me. You are delusional. Have fun playing golf at the expense of your children.