Anita D - And the Psych Ward Says
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- čas přidán 6. 11. 2019
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Anita D, performing at IWPS 2019 in San Diego, CA.
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Mental health care is something that is so difficult to understand and so hard to find care and treatment for. REAL treatment.
love
and a society not meant to break the soul
The mod3rn h3alth car3 syst3m is br0k3 4 r34l
We have to do better. As a mental health care professional & grad student, I strive to make these conditions better & to change policy. Current conditions and stigma are unacceptable.
I have untreated bpd, I seek help from someone experienced and they turn me away and tell me to see some crappy "therapist" who just wants to cram drugs down my throat and up my veins, oh and they don't know what to do when I start to burn my arm in their wax melter
They gaslight you. The screaming patient is the most sane person there.
Raphaella Velasquez that’s fuckin true
MissDoomNGloom lmao
@@akakaklul4219your shaddenfreud is evidence of a beautiful soul 😇
That hit me
@@akakaklul4219 sorry, your message upset me and I lashed out. I think I misunderstood.
This reminds me why you need to be careful how much you admit to a therapist, or you might get involuntarily institutionalized. It's really one of my biggest fears.
What??? Isn't it illegal for them to share confidential information?
@@eternallyexistential1103 yes, but not if you are at risk for harming yourself or others
My school Counselor and therapist know I don’t share everything because I’ve told them I’m scared to be Baker Acted. But even if they think I’m not saying the truth I don’t cause that still gives them a reason not too and later if I feel more comfortable in the situation I’ll tell them what was going on then.
Oh my god same. With my first therapist I thought she wouldn’t tell anyone anything because you know it’s her fucking job to be quiet and listen. I had told her about how I used to self harm and still got urges and bam next thing I know I’m restrained, put in an empty room with a plastic chair and a bed, wearing paper clothing and being told all that bullshit. I haven’t told any of my therapists the truth since.
@@e.rosenfeld4193 or if THEY PERCEIVE you to be at risk of harming yourself or others... 😉😉😉 They can lock you up if you're not a danger if they believe you are, or even if they just want to say they think you are. This is why, even when I may have been a legitimate threat to myself in the past, I still made it abundantly clear that I wasn't... I'm doing better these days, but I went to psych wards as a teen and young adult..... I got some stories! 🤯
"What is your mood on a scale of 1-10?, did you swallow your medications? Let me see your arms. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Do you know why you're here? Talk. Eat. Sleep. Do you have a plan? Do you have a plan? Do you have a plan?
This is so true omg. I cussed out the therapist the last day I was there and they had to call my mother to come get me
MissDoomNGloom k
did you self harm in any way the last 24 hours? Circle all of your moods , did you take your medicine ? Have you thought about suicide in the last 24 hours?
I've never related to comment more in my life
Do you have a plan? Will you sign this safety contract? Who will pick you up? Stay on your meds like a good girl and you will never have to be here again.
the emotion in this is so raw and out there, the way she speaks her words makes me feel like this is happening to me. bit fan of this.
big*
@@skyyevans7067 why didn't you just edit the comment
@@zyheljacob7681 Turn to bible and allow CHRIST to be your therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist. No man nor women fits to be one. All are sinners and without glory, all are tempted and suffer the same.
All are expected to REPENT AND BORN AGAIN, to LIVE HOLY AND GO AND SIN NO MORE.
All are weak in the daily fight between their spirit and flesh.
All these therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist, this world provides, can do is:
to deceive and steal.
They deceived you through all these “diagnoses” and they steal your money, through all the pills which you “need”.
In short: they poison your mind and your overall health, leaving you with neither one.
Therapist, Psychologist and Psychiatrist = Field where no human soul, never ever going to fit of being an help, no matter the among of years spend in “medical schools” or the decree gotten from there.
ALL of us are daily deceived, no matter the walks of life.
Do not trust one nor to try to be one.
1 John 4:1 KJV
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
"we just want you to reach your full potential as a PATIENT." Yes, story of our modern health care system and especially mental health.
When I TELL you this is the most ACCURATE depiction of a psych ward, I can't stress it enough! I've been in therapy for 3 years and on the first day of ever speaking to my therapist, I was sent to a state run mental health center on a 10-13 (that's what they call it when it's involuntary). They are supposed to hold you there for three days before you're eligible for release.
I was supposed to be there 72 hours, but like the poem says, they don't count the weekends, so by Monday, it was like I was only there for 24. My bf at the time visited me on Tuesday. That helped bc I felt like my life had been slowly drained from me. They had diagnosed me with bipolar disorder 2 and gave me pills that I was forced to take. They think they're helping you, but really theyre giving you drugs until you tell them what they want to hear. There's more, but I'll leave it there. I perform poetry too, so i may write something about it as well. But like, something needs to be done about mental health facilities. I've been to two hospitals and the second was worse than that. But if you read all this, thank you for doing so ❤️
Oh my gosh girl! That is insane! I truly hate you went through all of that! You are right something definitely needs to be done about these facilities because my daughter was in one for 3 hours and she got stories that will last months! Like you she was sent to one on a Friday and after I realized the craziness that was going on, I requested she leave. They tried to keep her in there saying, “The doctor hasn’t seen her yet. We can’t release her until the doctor sees her.” I said I’M HER DOCTOR. SHE’S LEAVING NOW!” My daughter was 9 when this happened. She’s 11 now and has extreme PTSD from it 😔 I wanna file a complaint on these places!
Take it easy on yourself. You'll be fine.
Stay strong.
I am just Glade that he did not do anything to you
God
Wow...for starters, thank you so much for sharing your story with us ❤. I hate that you had to experience this with these institutions that are licensed to "help" people. The way that mental health facilities treat their patients is absolutely disgusting. A friend of mine was admitted back in middle school and they kept her there for almost a year! Every time the release date was approaching, they would find some reason to extend her stay. These places are literally not good for anyone.
Fuck, I’m so sorry you were literally FORCED to go through this. What was happening to you and the fact that the nurses didn’t even care made my blood boil. I hope you’re doing better now💕
As someone who was in psychiatric care, I see no lies.
Same
I worked in a psychiatric station for teenagers for a while and for that specific station, I wouldn't say the poem applied completely. Of course, some parts did apply to some people.
But every teen had a nurse or orderly (idk how else to call it in English) that was their reference caregiver. They also did have therapy - maybe not every day, but in generally the option was there. There were also group activities strenghenig social interaction.
When it comes to being there volutarily, well, some were, some weren't. In the open station, many were there voluntarily or bc their parents said so, some had to go bc otherwise they'd be in jail. But those were usually the kids who have beaten someone up before, so they would actually be a danger to themselves or others. And many of them were motivated to get better and turn their life around.
same
“We didn’t cause your social anxiety. We only heightened what was already there.” DAMN
You can’t help anyone you keep captive
I lied my way out of the hospital. I was never more suicidal that when I was in that hospital. I took the meds, I told them I was feeling better every day, I went to the group sessions, and I muffled my crying at night. I got out and I promised myself that I'd jump in front of a train before I went back.
Ryan Knuckles - The only thing that a stint in the loony bin teaches is not to philosophize about suicide with mental health “professionals” and to be triply sure that one will be dead if that’s indeed what one wants.
@@j.h.miretskay3430 It's like jail in that way.
Muffled cries at night “ felt that one in my soul. You aren’t allowed to feel any emotions. The only emotion they want to see is joy, otherwise, “what’s wrong with you?” Do u need more drugs?
Or they just want no emotion, like a robot.
Oh my god that must’ve been agonising experience. I can’t believe that they treated you this way. I hope you feel better now ❤️🩹
Mental health care really sucks. You have one bout of paranoia and suddenly everyone is yelling schizophrenia and drugging you up on risperidone. One doctor even "warned" me my family might abandon me because of it, I think he was just getting a kick out of scaring me. He said all sorts of scary things...
I'm sorry man
This is literally what being in the psych ward was like. I learned more through the patients I met that were in there with me. Their stories, knowing I’m not alone, I’ve never been able to verbalize my experience. This is it...
Miah It was so intense being around some of those people I was like I’m struggling but I’d never want what you have damn - but you just feel for them - every single patient their personal goal was to get out of there and I was like yeah me too and I really hope you do cuz fuck
I'm so glad I lied to the therapist/examiner. they knew I wanted to k*ll myself, but I never told them the SH part. I lied saying I would never actually do it. Saying that I'm fine, I know it's dumb, etc. I knew psych wards has a potential you could get hurt, but I didn't know that it was this bad.
I feel this !!
@@dragonflies__7513 crazy isn’t a lack of term to use!
@@tiakachet4166 Yikes this is an old comment I made. You are right, crazy isn't a term I should use. Sorry to anybody that read this and got triggered and the like. Hope all of y'all are well!
i’ve heard so many horror stories about psych wards & it makes me so incredibly angry especially as a future mental health professional..... i can’t believe that institutions that are supposed to be there to improve mental health are actually damaging it. who runs this shit??? how do they let this happen?
its one of the reasons I want to be mental health professional too. the whole system is just fucked up. I'm with you
ER here. As a future mental health professional you're absolutely invaluable. There's only so much I can do in an acute care setting, as much as I want to help. You're the care that actually helps the people we refer. Godspeed.
I'm going to be a clinical psychologist. I suffer from gad (generalized anxiety disorder) and I want to give people the help I never got
God speed to you guys, not going to be a physicatrist or mental heath specialist, but I hope you guys will be part of a solution
It’s because of the stigma. Back then people treated the mentally ill as less than human. They locked them up in asylums with horrible conditions. In the 50s, there was a lot of asylums. People reported that the patients had to go through unnecessary medical operations. Some of them were strapped down. They faced horrific physical and sexual abuse. This is why many of the asylums were shut down and even thought of as haunted. Nowadays asylums (aka mental hospitals) are much more humane, but there are still reports of abuse and stigma from the doctors. It makes me mad.
The doctor asked why I wanted to hurt myself, and I said I didn't know. He went on a rant about how he didn't go to school for so many years for me to lie to his face. I wasn't lying; I was scared, because he was aggressive, and I couldn't think. He left because I started sobbing, and when the nurse asked what was wrong, I told her. Apparently he was "having a bad day". We weren't allowed to socialize much, we "weren't supposed to make friends." We had to "focus on our care". I was incredibly lonely. We were promised time outside; it was in our little pamphlet of "rights and rules". I never went outside. Some of the nurses were awful. "Therapy" felt like an interrogation. I spent my whole stay incredibly anxious. Both times I went, I faked being better just to get out. I feel like I can't tell anyone when I am suicidal because I am incredibly afraid of going back.
I agree. I was sent to one at 9 years old (I'm autistic) because I kept having meltdowns and yelling I want to die as my only form of communication. My mom tried explaining that I had autism but they wouldn't listen to my mom. I got sent there and feared going back. I ended up going there again at 12. I was in the little kids room and they just screamed the whole time. I babysat the kids more than them. Then I was sent there again at 13. I met some nice people and met some friends, but it was still scaring cause a girl kept trying to kiss me and nobody would call me the name I preferred.
You need to get help xo talk to someone honestly it help xo ❤️
@@conorkavanagh1427 :/
Reading that was like a punch in the gut, I can't stand how relatable all this is. For such a long time I managed to convince myself psych wards were the good guys and I just got unlucky... If only it were that simple.
If any of you are ever feeling really down, I'm always around for a message, even if it's no where near the kind of support someone with training can give (but at least you know I can't lock anyone up)
@@gimygaming8655 I'm so sorry, I get that. I'm also autistic and they didn't use my preferred name or pronouns. I hope you're in a better environment now :(
I was put in three different skilled nursing homes for 'rehab' they routinly would skip my psych meds so I would continually be unstable. They would show my 'abnormal' and 'unstable' behavior to my family to try and keep me there. They refused to discharge me even though I was a voluntary admit for wound care, not psych care. It took my husband telling him he was filing a kidnapping/ransom charge with the police and FBI. They finally discharged me December 19, 2018. The words you spoke were so true, the treatment was the same. I have nightmares and PTSD from those places. I am so sorry you had to deal with this.
Misty L. I’m sorry you had to go through it too
ER worker here. I may be only acute care, but I'm so sorry that we as a profession couldn't help you better. I've been on the wrong side of psych care, and it sucks butt. Keep fighting, one hour at a time. Your advice and experience may help others like us more than you know.
literally why i pretend like i don't need to be admitted
It's the fear of what it's like. The fear of medication. The fear of doctors, hospitals, solitude and worst of all, people stripping me down to the bare minimum to see the body I tried so much to hide from everyone. That's why I can't talk about it. That's why I won't talk about it.
@@soontherewillbesnow I understand this too well.
You become their prey once admitted it seems.
@@marceolanepoetic Yep, it looks like the healings not worth the trauma.
I spend 3 months in a psych ward this summer and I’ve had 3 admissions and this poem hit me so hard. It’s so true. You’re locked up in there with nothing to do. It’s the perfect environment to make you go crazy so they’ll keep you longer
Why would they want to keep you longer?
@@gabriellameattray9778 they just wanna prescribe you something.
@@gabriellameattray9778 Bottom line: they get paid.
@@AhNee pretty much. And the ones who truly care.. they’re there but harder to come across
@@gabriellameattray9778 In my experience they didn't lol. It's for people who are actively suicidal and in immediate danger to themselves or others and the minimum hold is 3 days. So unless you're there completely by mistake or for just a really bad day (that was my case. depression and horrible week leading to suicide attempt, there for 4-5 days), you will get out pretty quickly. It's just the law usually says 3 days minimum (look up Baker Act for my case). If you're there for 3 months it has to mean that you are in REALLY bad shape mentally.
Nobody "wanted to" prescribe me anything while I was there, and I didn't get a prescription for anything. I just got a sheet with a list of psychiatrists I could call for further therapy if I wanted and I was sent home to a very upset family lol. To be honest, my experience in a psych facility really kickstarted my path to learning how to deal with depression better. I wouldn't do it again, but it was necessary looking back.
I’ve been to 4 psych hospitals in the past. I am now a therapist. This is eerily accurate. Good work!
________holly really glad to see that you are a therapist now. regular, neurotypical therapists/psychiatrists just don’t get it. they can read definitions of illnesses in textbooks but they will never deeply understand
Ezra Leite 😢 thank u. in school, most students are wounded healers. They probably just won’t open up about it to the client.
@@hhholly curious, is it wrong to do it though? I would react better to treatment if I know my therapist has dealt with something similar to what I'm there for. I'm asking if there is a rule or something
Ro mi We have a code of ethics on what we should share. It is just an ethical rule because the session is about the client and not the counselor. So it’s a non-issue. I see a psychiatrist still.
@@hhholly I know you said you see a psychiatrist still, but would you think it would be a good idea with someone who is still stuggling with mental illness. I plan on getting treatment and starting school.
I was hospitalized for depression related stuff about a month ago and this really is what it feels like. It doesn't help. It feels like a prison
Amelia Pierson I was also hospitalized about a month ago. It really does feel like a prison. They want you to go “voluntarily” but can you really go voluntarily to a physc ward.
@@jayquinn5688 They made my parents sign a thing that said it was voluntary but they were going to call child protective services (I'm 16) to take custody of me for the time being if they didn't sign it. So it said that it was voluntary but in the end they really had no choice
Amelia Pierson If my mom hadn’t wanted me to they wouldn’t have backed off. She didn’t like the idea but went with it anyways. They told me if I said I was voluntarily I would get out sooner.
I hated being in the psych ward it was worse then prison I lost about 15 pounds from inky being there 5 days and I came out feeling crazier than when I went in.... i will forever refuse to go again especially if its anything like kids peace
Such a shame.
This is amazing, and so true.
I wrote this a year ago telling a similar story.
The hardest thing
The hardest thing I ever did
Was check myself into a hospital.
The smell of sterilization burned my nose,
And I knew I had to prepare myself for a week and a half of monotonous routine.
Being woken up at three AM, because a vampire wants to suck your blood through a Syringe, so they can see the last time you lit up.
Or being told to stay in a freezer of a dayroom, because the doors are locked during the day, for our protection of course.
I was a refugee escaping my own mind.
A wounded warrior that bore the scars of sharp things all over his body.
The self inflicted torment was as a second skin,
And I know that to keep from adding to the canvas, I needed help.
I couldn’t do it on my own, and I had to travel through hell to reach nirvana.
There were no phones we could use that weren’t connected to a wall.
Cold plastic pressed against my ear for only ten minutes, so I could tell my mom about things like group, and what they had for lunch,
But there was one thing I took with me there.
One thing they couldn’t take away.
My way with words.
I can’t tell you how much I wrote to keep me sane.
It was my saving grace.
My comfort.
My privacy.
Something I could take with me, and immortalize online when I got out,
And there were people there that I shared it with.
People I could trust.
People like me.
In a way there is still a comfort I get from being on the inside.
None of us are crazy per say,
Our demons just have different names,
But they know the system just as well as I do,
And we can speak without much explanation.
It worries me some days that if I ever return there again,
I’ll feel less alone than when I get out.
I have been institutionalized five different times at three different psych wards, and this poem expresses exactly what being in ALL of them was like.
A Friend of mine who was in a psych ward shared her experience with me and I was shocked. She told me that when she didn't want to take her clothes of for the check up (sh scars) cause she felt uncomfortable undressing infront of a grown man, they started screaming and threatening her that if she would not do as they say she could not see her family for the next 2 weeks. She constantly was crying and just wanted to go home. If they are supposed to "help you" why do so many people come out there more traumatized then when they got in?!
I spent 8 days in a psych ward. It was pretty mild compared to other stories I’ve heard. But it’s been four years since I was involuntarily committed and I’m still having nightmares that it happened again.
Sorry, commented on the wrong comment, and I'm sorry you still suffer from those issues today.
You can see it in her eyes, the pain and anger of someone who was taken advantage of, she definitely gives off an energy that's for sure and I honestly admire that if I am admittedly intimidated by it
I feel this!! It has been 25 years since I was put on a 48-hour hold for the 1st time, I was a 15-year-old girl who had yet to tell anyone of the molestation, take this they said, try this they said, you have this they said, another patient kept yelling at me that "Redheads have aids" , I'm a redhead. My best friend came to visit and I made sure to yell at the nurses that she was a visitor and not a patient and she could come and go as she pleased, afraid they would lock her in there with me and thinking I was going to save one of us from this. I went back a time or 2 over my teenage years, I was given medications that made me a zombie or made me even more suicidal. Medications that they know now are NO good for children.
"My best friend came to visit and I made sure to yell at the nurses that she was a visitor and not a patient and she could come and go as she pleased, afraid they would lock her in there with me and thinking I was going to save one of us from this."
God damn I'm sorry about your experience dude but talk about overdramatic lol.
@@saitodosan9377 I think overdramatic is implied when you're talking about a 15-year-old girl on a psychiatric hold in a manic state lol
@@WhiskeyWoman LOL you right, I forgot to take into account how crazy 15 year olds can me. Sorry!
its never 72 hours. its not safe. they ruined an innocent girl at 13 years old. I am the girl who is suppose to be a the same person but I'm not. The mental hospital made me insane
I'm sorry to hear this. They will destroy you as a person. They did it to me too
As an ER worker, I am so, so sorry. Please take advantage of any therapists and psychiatric care near you. I've been on the "wrong" side of mental health for years and still spend a lot of my time in an acute care setting. You can make it out on the other side, I promise. And from there you might have some advice for others. Nobody has the answer, but if we can help each other along the way it might be worth it.
@@fevre_dream8542 we are taking about the psychiatric care...they are the ones who cause harm. I don't mean to come across as arumentive but they are not the ones to turn to.
@@fevre_dream8542 The psychiatric system is what's responsible for the pain caused
From what everyone is saying, sounds like the workers themselves are the most insane people there.
I literally just got out of one and.....
You ever just relate too hard?
My heart breaks seeing all of these terrible stories. I got so lucky to have been placed in a psychiatric ward that genuinely cared about the patients, and did their best to truly help you recover and gain the skills to deal with the real world. I was never drowned in medication and the psychiatrist checked on each patient everyday during the work week to make sure that you were still doing okay with medication. I came out of there so much stronger and with a true appreciation for life, and they helped me find an amazing therapist, psychiatrist and they even had out patient treatment to help you adjust and make sure you were still doing okay. I even got a phone call months after from the facility asking how I was doing and how everything was going. I know I’m one of very very few lucky people, but I just see so many negative experiences, I thought it might be good to share the fact that there can be positive ones too.
Cameron Smith yeah me too. people deserve to get proper care
Keep in mind, generally people don't talk much about things let alone look for videos or poems about it if they had a positive experience. I'm only in this video reading the comments because a friend linked me asking if it was accurate because they knew I was in one (for 72 hours/3 days). To which my answer to her is "kind of in the sense of there being uncomfy furniture and an old TV, but other than that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the video makes it sound." They also, in my experience, don't even pretend like you're voluntarily going there. They're meant for people who are unstable and at actual immediate risk of hurting themselves and they make sure you know that the Baker Act is just how the law is. The only time I felt SCARED or anxious was with this one guy who would kind of angry mumble to himself and I felt like there's a chance he might punch me even though between his angry mumbling and pacing he was pretty nice. In the end I think people need to remember that while they're called "psych wards," they're not there for serious therapy, they're there to make sure you don't kill yourself or others and that you're calmed down enough to be okay to go back to your real life. Short term stays are generally for people with depression or anxiety issues that have gotten out of control for a while.
As you should. We appreciate this
@@saitodosan9377 this is trueeee
As someone who has worked in units like this, I always knew people felt like this. The system is so backwards. Your words were powerful. Thank you for sharing.
I'm 19 and I've been in 6 psych wards since I was 17, this poem hit me hard. Big truth here.
Bless this comments section where people are able to share their experiences, relate to others, and feel less alone
They made fun of the patients who got discharged at mine. I was told that if I didn't forgive some random person in my past who wasn't even involved in the reason I was there, I wouldn't get out. My friend was told his gender wasn't valid by the case worker. They called the schizophrenics hallucinatioms her "little friends". But i coukdnt say anything. If i show any sort of resistance or backbone i will have to sit with them all day and be watched as i shower. They're terrible people who deserve to burn in hell.
As someone who was once involuntarily placed in the psych ward...I felt every word of it....makes me cry till date....nobody deserves that.
I've been in hospital twice and found this hard to watch. The first time the staff were very supportive but even with the kindness I was shown it's still a very dehumanising and terrifying experience. The second time I was treated like some kind of alien. The staff wouldn't speak to me unless it was for rounds or was so isolating and I was so scared being so far away from home with people who screamed for hours at a time.
I had just turned 18 in 2017 and I got put in a psych ward because I had been crying for a little over 5 hours and I was hitting my head really hard on anything that I could but I didn't have the energy to get up or anything as I was on the floor and my head was spinning.
Ive suffered from depression ever since I was little and I told my dad about it when I was 10. I was crying and I felt like my forehead was gonna cave in. I didnt know what to make of this feeling I carried with me everywhere and everyday. As a kid I used to try blaming this feeling on parts of my life, like being an only child, my parents divorce when I was 5, being poor as a kid, my dad being in debt thousands of dollars, my mom never calling or caring to pick me up to see me. I used to think why is everyones life better than mine. Why is everyone happier than me. In reality none of that ever hurt me, the loneliness or the heartache of things I couldnt control were all normal parts of my life. I could only feel sorry for myself and that brought me comfort. Ive tried to take my life multiple times the first time when I was 12.
Fast forward to 2017 when I was crying, My mom "warned" me to stop or she was gonna call the ambulance and she did and when they arrived 2 guys grabbed me so I wouldnt move and one of the guys said "alright stop it already be a man" and that pissed me off and im sure you know why. I had been crying for a little over 7 hours when I got to the hospital and I was given 2 shots of some sort of sedative when I was supposed to be given only one but I didnt sleep so they gave me two. The psych ward was pretty bad as im sure you can imagine how insensitive they were. Ive been to therapists, taken fluoxetine, been in programs at school to help but theres always that threat that if you say what you truly feel then youre a threat to others and yourself and now its back to the ward.
Even now depression still hurts me. Early spring last year I stopped eating for a month and went from 157lbs to 120lbs and I got really sick and permanent scarring from discoloration and eczema on both sides of my ribs and underarms due not moving and infection spreading. I had missed that whole month of college. This was the second time I had done this to avoid taking my life as it at least drains me from wanting to act on anything. Last week my mom told me if I thought what I do is ok. That I'm going to be 21 and I'm still "acting" like this. I told her yes and im going to be like this my whole life why dont you understand that. You try to insult me and make me feel worse as though I didnt know you were gonna say that sooner or later. My age says nothing about my progress with depression. I feel like this everyday not just sometimes and not just when I "feel" like it. Why do you think I tried to take my life when I was younger? Because I already knew that as I got older you and everyone else would wait for your chance to say that so that you could hurt me and leave me without feeling bad about it because im "21". The only reason you never did that before is because you didnt want anyone to think you were a bad person.
I havent spoken to my dad in 3 years as I couldnt take living with him anymore.
That was the end of that conversation. I try my hardest to keep going as I do have little brothers now and they mean the world to me. Theres nothing I wouldnt do for them even if it means feeling like this the rest of my life until my body gives out. The thought of not being able to be there for them hurts me more than the thought of feeling this everyday for the rest of my life.
I really needed to get this out so thank you if you read the whole thing.
I am so sorry. I know it's been like 3 years since you commented, but just know that somewhere a suicidal 13 year old really wants you to still be alive.
I'm sad that other people have stories like mine, but I'm happy this exists
I read people are crying but i’m laughing because this is so freaking true. I can’t do anything else but laugh at the fact that this so accurate.
i laugh when something hits me as too relateable. or when something makes me super emotional at all
@@heygirl6386 yeah, well, people cope differently. sometimes when i'm overwhelmed or about to break i can't even cry. i try to laugh or smile, i try to not think about it, but i always get panic attacks when i'm overwhelmed. otherwise, I'd just sit there and think about my anxieties and my pain and sadness and wait for my heart to stop trying to sprint out of my chest.
the price of salt huh? i never said everyone had to cope the way i do
@@heygirl6386i know that. i think i was referring to the main comment where they were saying that everyone is crying but they're laughing.
Preach! This is so true.
It sucks and it's usually not for 48 or 72 hours. More like a month that feels like a year. Especially when they put you in a windowless dark room with a mat on the floor and no way out.
Fun times.
Absolutely LOVE this. My sister was in and out of psych wards during high school when she was in the thick of her battle with chronic depression. In-patient facilities never helped; mostly seemed to make her worse. This poem is SO frickin accurate in describing this massive hypocrisy in the system. GET IT GURRRRRRRRRL YOU A TRUE QUEEN
After spending most of my past four years in treatment and these places, this is so relatable. My own therapist says these places aren't helpful. So glad someone finally wrote a slam about it.
One of the most honest, hard-hitting poems I've heard. Incredible wording and performance.
The accuracy of this is unreal. I felt like this was only my experience.
I am SOBBING. this is heartbreakingly accurate.
This is why, although I love my therapist, I lie about if I'm really okay
I was admitted into a psych ward before. My anxiety got worse and mental health when I left I thought about is ways that would kill me and I wouldn't survive. I saw people restrained and try to kill themselves. My roommate tried to strangle herself in front of me. They staff did nothing they just told me she did it for attention. They said she cut her self for attention. She was there on her birthday shes was there for other a month. That place made my mental health far worse then what they say they helped. I still can't sleep with pills to make me sleep. I never needed them till I went to that psych ward.
When I was there I literally had a nurse say “ oh do we have a problem” like she wanted to fight, I had a nurse refuse to give me my birth control and not tell me why then try to force me to take meds that where not my prescription, then when I walked away she laughed at me and called me crazy and told a nurse I deserved to be there. I was told to give detailed descriptions to every single doctor which was a total of 6, about how and why I wanted to die. I have every question memorized and was constantly pulled aside because other patients wanted to fight, the only depression that left was because I had girls in my unit similar to me and I was so lucky for them but my anxiety only got worse.
I love watching these beautiful people perform their poetry. I’m crying in this moment because this poem hit to hard. Getting treatment for mental health is really not what it seems to be. It feels as if you got left at a daycare until your mental stability is no longer telling you to kill yourself.
This is so relatable I was put in a psych ward when I was a junior in high school literally the peopler that helped me where the other patience
I work in a nursing home next to a mental institution.
I always have this sick feeling in my stomach when i drive by or look out the windows on that side of the building
I've never been in a psych ward before but i almost was "voluntarily" put in one by my pediatrician. A few years later my younger brother was in and out of one and then in a different facility for outpatient. This resonated with me on a level that i didnt think something could this early in the morning (its 08:30) and whoops now im crying
i've been in mental hospitals eight times. at this point i have been so many times that i have been deeply traumatized by my experiences. this poem hurts to watch and listen to, but at the same time, i am so grateful for it.
Out of all the poetry I've listened to (not just Button), this is the best by a long shot. It really hit home for me. I've been hospitalized once for short term (which ended up being a total of 48 days because of insurance issues. You're not supposed to be in Acute longer than a week or two), long-term for about 5-ish months, and then about 2-3 times of Acute afterwards, periodically, for about a week at a time. Some of th)e worst days of my life
My first visit to short term involved a whole slew of things that I never dealt with before: I threw a chair even though I'm a very docile person; I had mini manic episodes where I'd laugh uncontrollably with a feeling of euphoria which then lead to uncontrollable crying; I had minor hallucinations where everything looked small by perspective and I'd sit at the end of hallways with a loopy feeling until a few patients (never nurses) would either help carry me to sit in the day room or go to my bed to sleep (if it was night); I'd have overactive senses where I thought something was behind me, even if I had back against the wall, which would lead to a horrifying feeling of dread and would lead to uncontrollable crying (again, nurses would never really help me with this. Maybe one time, but it was usually patients that would help calm me down); and literally hundreds of panic or anxiety attacks due to other patients yelling, screaming, having meltdowns, throwing chairs, punching doors (which clanged VERY loud), punching walls, punching the plexi-glass windows, etc. Which was literally a daily thing due to the unstable nature of fresh patients. This isn't even all of what I dealt with that I didn't deal with before. The only exception is panic and anxiety attacks. They were just intensified.
The "behavioral health facilities" (2) I were in have changed me. Both good (cause I actually received decent care at the long term unit of the second facility I went to) and bad (the unstable nature of the Acute unit of the facility I went to 3-4 times).
The doctors when in Acute (there's two and you swap each time you go) weren't the best. One cared none at all for his job and criticized me when I came back or said a med wasn't working anymore (he's also the one that kept me in Acute for 25 days before he realized the my problems I was dealing with for 2+ years couldn't be stabilized in short term), and the other one was nice and involved with asking YOU about how you want your meds to be adjusted, but frequently wasn't there. Therapy in Acute you might get twice in the week that you're there. They just wanna recommend meds to your doc, make sure you kinda don't wanna kill yourself, and get you out. Getting you out to your normal life ASAP is their goal, but the way they go about it is all wrong
The system needs to be fixed. These institutions should be funded better and monitored closely. More research needs to be done so you're not screwing up a kid more by overly medicating them and putting them in a worse atmosphere than the outside world. I've seen some things and went through some things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Exactly one year on from my episode of psychosis (hospitalized twice) I see this - this is the poem I’ve been wanting to write. What are the spirits up to man but all I can say is thank you
Oh my god. This is so true.
She must’ve been a patient where I worked cause that hit the nail on the head...
"We didn't cause your social anxiety,...we just heightened what was already there."
This is so strong and i for one haven't been in any place like this but i dread the thought. I work in the NHS, so we look to prtect and find reasonable answers without the psych care. No one i have ever cared for has ended up there, i pefer just been a outlet for my patients to vent and let go of whats hurting them :)
This is almost my experience at a "impatient facility". I had been abused, of which they did not know, because I was still in denial but I was not in the best place. I almost got kicked out of school because someone reported me getting high and instead of in school suspension, which was very strict, cold, you couldn't cry or sleep or talk or listen to music, and your hands had to be visible at all times, I was taken to a facility to be assessed.
We decided impatient was the best for me, and after reading the contracts and signing everything, we went through the check in process. They explained the strip search for me(btw I was 15), but they lied. They made me take my underwear off and they felt me and I almost had a panic attack. I couldn't wear a bra or have my cross necklace. I got placed in a room with a girl who was very quiet, which was nice. They didn't know what to do when I was hallucinating, so I had to fake being better in order to get out.
I had a migraine and threw up and slept all day and they didn't care. We couldn't touch each other at all, not even a high five, even if it was conventual. But the nurses could touch us however they felt was needed.
We couldn't play cards with our families and others. We couldn't go outside or bring a blanket to therapy and it wasn't that bad because of the people there, but the treatment we got did nothing. It's sad but at least their staying limit was 1 month. I was there for only a week.
I was in the hospital for overdosing once they sent me to the mental ward in the hospital . I was there for a week. During the weekdays we were woken up at 7:30 by doctors 🥼 sometimes they took our blood then u went out of the room down the hall there were more doctors they took your temp but everyday in the morning afternoon before bed the ask three questions
“Did You Have Thoughts Of Hurting Yourself Today?”
“Have You Had Thoughts Of Hurting Anyone Else?”
“Rate Your Anxiety and Depression For Today 1-10”
One time a kid said yes he was 8 years old he said yes to having thoughts of hurting himself they took him to an empty room let him sit there for 20 minutes just to think. He was just being honest but because of that they took him to a room where he can have more time to think about how to escape how to harm himself how is that supposed to help? They just gave him more time to have suicidal thoughts. They should have kept him active but of course it’s his fault he said the wrong answer he should have said no right?
I’ve been in two psych wards in the last 3 months and this spoke to me. I was on involuntary holds from the state for a weekish both times and it felt like it was designed to push me over the edge. It didn’t help shit
Shes definitely experienced. I can tell ... Because of my experience. Once they find out you don't have a support group they will and do gas light you.
This poet is dope! 🙏🏾
Omg. I'm crying. This is amazing.
As someone who has worked with patients in the wards as security it breaks my heart… too often this is the story. This system is broken and the only thing I can tell people in crisis is that this place is like quick sand the harder you fight the faster you sink. I’m afraid to tell my therapist about my issues and my ptsd because if she baker acts me I’ll not only be stuck with a huge bill but I’ll lose my job so I am stuck in a cycle of watching people suffer and I’m not able to help them and I’m not able to help myself.
This is beyond true. I was recently in a ward and they didn't know I was going through bad alcohol withdrawls till I aksed if that was what it was. They didnt give me a bandage for my arm cuts because the nurse said the heat of the bandage will make it heal slower. It later got infected and when I was out I bought stuff for it and they healed fine. They never gave me my perscrbed meds then lied and said they did when my mom said she wasnt going to pay the bill. I was also kicked out of my house and I told them on my discharge day I had no where to go they just said they cant keep me there. Luckly my bf was there and we had the money for a hotel room till I could go home. Same thing with someone I met in there he had to lie and say he was going to kill himself if they let him out so he was transferred. And this was the good hospital.
This is so beautiful and amazing!so deep amd emotional..it tells such a beautiful story and the power you speak with is so beautiful and amazing. Thabks for the emotion and story in my heas that this poem painted🖤🖤🖤
keep coming back to watch. love this.
My first impatient psych stay was in 2012. I've had at least 20 week+ stays since then. My last stay was 2019, when I got placed in a residential treatment program. I don't know what I did to get out of it, but the past 2 years I've been living independently and today marks 2 YEARS of no cutting. I was started on Spravato, the ketamine nasal spray in March 2021 and it literally did a 180 degree turn on my depression and anxiety. I still struggle most days, but I'm capable now of keeping myself *somewhat* together. But this poem... yeah it speaks the truth 100%.
Anyone else have iatraphoba(fear of doctors)? a doctor at a psych ward is most of the reason I have it. Its been three years and I still have nightmares about him pretty often. While I was still there I reached out to a nurse for help and she invalidated me and forced me to go into that tiny room with him anyways. I remember nights when I was so terrified he would come after me that I would lay in my boyfriend's arms trembling and crying and begging him to protect me. I'm still terrified that I'll run into him again.
Why is this so so true!
the head nurse at the ward i was in literally on my last day caused me a panic attack and ik she did it on purpose bc right before she said i should stay a little longer to make sure im ok to return to my family. she told me "what if u hurt ur little brother or maybe one of ur sisters or that new kitten u got" i never told them about any of that but i did write about it everyday and they told me they wouldn't read the papers
I pray for healing over all those watching this video, reading the comments, or skipping the video by.
In the mighty name of Jesus Amen.
This is... a very striking and powerful poem. I'm so sorry psych wards are like this - all of you who've been through this deserve a good kind of help. You guys are so, so strong. I believe in all of you.
damn, hits right in the feels
As someone that is navigating mental health challenges myself, and works at a residential program for youth this really spoke to me. I want to play this for my co-workers..
Play it till their ears bleed
This poem was everything I’ve ever wanted to say, everything I’ve ever felt for the past three years as I still get nightmares of being in that horrible place where no one helped you, but just waited for you to become what they already thought you were. Thank you for giving me closure. I respect this poem so much and I’ve never related to anything more in my entire life
This is so true it hurts. I’m just glad that when I was in the psych ward I met some good people there because if I didn’t I would not have survived in there.
As a women who worked in a group home for at risk kids for 9 years..... These facilities never helped! You get 5 minutes with a girl who needs real attention. I left the group home and decided i needed to go back to school to really help...... I hope more people have seen the issues i have seen in the system and are working to make the change. # youmustjointomakeachange
I've had cousins go in our local psych ward about 7 times each and literally nothing came out of it
Thank you for putting words to this. Thought I might be crazy, having experienced and felt the same but seeing everyone around me look like I was deluded for not healing in an environment that only exacerbated everything.
If you watch this and think "but it's necessary because some people.." You are part of the problem
i’ve been in one of these and that’s not.....true. while 90% of them are vile and evil, they still make a 2% change. it’s still nothing close to worth it, but there are worse places of care
The cameras are there for a reason, the locked doors a there for a reason, the questions they ask are for a reason. It’s hard to except but they have been doing this for a lot longer then we’ve been alive. Sometimes they truly might not care but often then not they do.
@@quetzalcat2839 thats an exaggeration. I've also been sent to one, and the few cases that are horrible are separated from the rest. if the majority of the cases you saw were vile and evil, you were most likely one of them, just saying. most patients dont need or deserve that.
Amen.
i related to this so hard, i cried. it was so painful to remember when i was inpatient but incredibly validating to listen to this and finally hear that i wasnt crazy when i hated my time there or the feelings that i felt there.
when i was in the psych ward there was a family with me in a small room. a boy my age in scrubs and a wrist band waiting to be put in a room. his mother was telling me that it was all going to be okay. she said something that i'll never forget. "the government criticizes people with mental health and just drugs them and labels them instead of trying to help them."
This is giving me ptsd all over again
I said hell no so loud when I saw that head tilt at the end.
Flashbacks to being in a mental hospital. Holy crap. Sobbing
i was sent to the mental ward a few months ago, and luckily only stayed 3 and a half days. My roommate had been to several different wards, including the one i was in. My roommate would cry often because of things going on in their life, and later she told me that the staff couldn't give a shit if you were having a mental breakdown. Kids would be crying and screaming down the hall, the staff would be high or only talk to you when they had to, it was cold, the beds had this weird silicone cover, they made you wear socks with grips on them, the food tasted like cardboard. They would encourage you to go to Group, where they just watch calming videos or listen to music. There was barely anything to do, except play with the purple slime batch that a past kid had left, or sign out a pen or dull pencil to draw. I was able to call my mom almost every day, and i made a couple friends there, but i felt like i was constantly on the verge of a breakdown because of how awful it was. And like the poem says, that was one of the good ones.
She's right and it makes me mad. You know why people are in and out of psych wards? Because they don't get help. Php actually works a bit. I think psych wards are best for letting someone calm down and reflect while being safe. But other than that they don't help. I stayed 6 days and my Outlook changed bc of the friends I'd made. But then i went downhill again. And the hospital had taught me nothing.
Yeah the only help you get in there is the friends you make listening to their experiences in their reasons for being there is way more helpful then the doctor asking if you’ve had any suicidal thoughts lately
This has to be my 20 th time rewatching. Love this!
This poem gives me flashbacks to the experiences I went through the 3 days turned into over 2 weeks wow this made me cry.
the emotion…. wow
I related to every single word.
This is perfect. Thank you, this is amazing.
This is great stuff. Lets heal the psyche ward!
wow thank you for this. it's been hard for me to come to terms with my experience being hospitalized and it has almost been 2 years. that experience was pretty traumatizing and she depicted it pretty well.
dude i was there for 10 days & this hits hard
This is a new perspective I have NEVER thought of 💯👏🏾
Too real, so thickly intense and god, you can't unforget the experience.
I cried. I needed to hear this.
Thank you.
Her body language is as loud as her words. Powerful.