Sabrina Benaim - Explaining My Depression to My Mother
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 11. 2014
- Get Sabrina's book, DEPRESSION & OTHER MAGIC TRICKS: bit.ly/sabrinamagic
Check out all of Sabrina’s books: bit.ly/sabrinabenaimshop
Become a Member for exclusive perks and videos: bit.ly/ButtonMember
Sabrina Benaim, performing at NPS 2014 in Oakland, CA.
Help us decide which videos go up on CZcams: bit.ly/ButtonCurator
About Button:
Button Poetry is committed to developing a coherent and effective system of production, distribution, promotion and fundraising for spoken word and performance poetry.
We seek to showcase the power and diversity of voices in our community. By encouraging and broadcasting the best and brightest performance poets of today, we hope to broaden poetry's audience, to expand its reach and develop a greater level of cultural appreciation for the art form. - Zábava
“It’s just not that much fun having fun when you don’t wanna have fun mom”
This literally hits so deep, and she meant every word...
That hits so deep....
This is so relatable for me
I swear she is a legend
This hits different
"My mom asks if I am afraid of dying, no, I am afraid of living."
Tim Belger can you not?
@Tim Belger i thought it was funny
That is the realist thing that I have heard all day
Im afraid of reality
Mom , I’m lonely 😩
It's been 7 years and I still can't find a better way to describe depression
I come back to this video so often!! Because same!!! It helps me understand my feelings when they go numb 🥲
My first time watching this and it really did resonate with me. The way I have been feeling recently.
Ben Howard - Small Things
Read the power of now book by Ekhart tolle, it will be the guide to the road out of hill for you.
Same
"I learned how to turn the anger into lonely, the lonely into busy, so when I tell you I've been super busy lately"... I almost had to pause it at this moment. That hit hard.
Same here. Instant tears I'm like omg that's me 😭
just amazing
It’s too real to hear someone else say
"Anger is a gift"
(Rage against the Machine)
She was shaking, she meant every word she said.
she was having a panic attack..
Yes, she meant it but shaking is one of the most common symptoms when you're having a panic attack. Anxiety Disorder does weird things.
Lisanne de Boer When i had a panic attack i was hyperventilating and repeating the same words over and over again. My hands, face and whole body went numb and tingly. Is that normal?
@@maxxoxo9646 Could be yea! When I hava a panic attack I start shaking and get heart palpitations. Then I start hyperventilating and then I start feeling like my surroundings are disappearing (i believe thats a form of dissociation). I sometimes also stutter and can't make proper sentences
No she was having a Panic Attack
she was having a panic attack
She’s screaming what everyone else is afraid to whisper...
TJ Rollins you forgot to add the “inspired (COPIED) comment” at the bottom of your comment.
@@mercury4409 lol i was thinking the same thing!
Uhm, the other one copied him/her...this comment is older lol
@@mercury4409easy man... This is older comment
those words describe everything perfectly.
Explaining my depression to my mother: a conversation
Mom, my depression is a shapeshifter
One day it's as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear
The next it's the bear
On those days I play dead until the bear leaves me alone
I call the bad days "the Dark Days"
Mom says, "try lighting candles"
But when I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church
The flicker of a flame
Sparks of a memory younger than noon
I am standing beside her open casket
It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die
Besides Mom, I'm not afraid of the dark, perhaps that's part of the problem
Mom says, "I thought the problem was that you can't get out of bed"
I can't, anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head
Mom says, "Where did anxiety come from?"
Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town that depression felt obligated to invite to the party
Mom, I am the party, only I am a party I don't want to be at
Mom says, "Why don't you try going to actual parties, see your friends"
Sure I make plans, I make plans but I don't want to go
I make plans because I know I should want to go; I know sometimes I would have wanted to go
It's just not that fun having fun when you don't want to have fun, Mom
You see, Mom, each night Insomnia sweeps me up in his arms, dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light
Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company
Mom says, "Try counting sheep"
But my mind can only count reasons to stay awake
So I go for walks, but my stuttering kneecaps clank like silver spoons held in strong arms with loose wrists
They ring in my ears like clumsy church bells, reminding me I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness that I cannot baptize myself in
Mom says, "Happy is a decision"
But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg
My happy is a high fever that will break
Mom says, I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat out asks me if I am afraid of dying
No Mom I am afraid of living
Mom I am lonely
I think I learned that when Dad left how to turn the anger into lonely the lonely into busy
So when I say I've been super busy lately I mean I've been falling asleep watching SportsCenter on the couch
To avoid confronting the empty side of my bed
But my depression always drags me back to my bed
Until my bones are the forgotten fossils of a skeleton sunken city
My mouth a boneyard of teeth broken from biting down on themselves
The hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat
But I am just a careless tourist here
I like looking at captions or writings instead of watching the person or the image and this was a big help. Many thanks.
Wow this must have taken forever! Thank you!
Umm thanks
THANKS SO MUCH I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS
@@ayanahmed2346 He just copied that stuff form the other guy
It has been my comfort poem for 5 years now. Whenever I feel low I just listen to it , relate to it and cry as hard as I can. Feels good after
Me too
Same❤
What I’m currently doing. This has been my go to poem for years
@@Jsailsman7 I hope you are doing okay
@@githala_manisha I’m better. Crying always helps. Thank you sweetie
"I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." I gasped when she said that. Most accurate thing I've ever heard about depression.
But what does that mean tho
@@vic__5378 it means you want to be happy but you just can't feel happy. It's referring to being baptized so you go underwater to prove/show you believe in God or something
@@vic__5378 To me it is seeing happiness in the eyes of everyone you love, living in a world where happiness is peddled like a cartoon drug. walking through a world that makes you feel like a ghost because as much as you want to be apart of it you are only a "careless tourist" as she said. you can never experience it yourself. The sleepwalking bit is just going through the motions unconsciously because its become too exhausting to even try, knowing it will never come. I think she mentions baptism because they are submerged under water, so if happiness is an ocean then she can't really swim in it. it was a powerful sentence that I really felt.
Shuffling Fate you analyzed this perfectly
But I just wish I could just fall in....
"She asked if I am afraid of dying; no I am afraid of living" that gave me chills.
Liana Mark same
That line and the one of being super busy brought me to tears
Liana Mark same
I Cried After I Hear it , just because it's so me
That describes my life
Fred Again included this poem in his new song and I’m so glad he did. This is powerfully executed
that one live version he did of this... so fucking beautiful
what song?
@@mmmmaia sabrina
@@mmmmaia This song. Fred Again.. - Sabrina (i am a party) czcams.com/video/t6G70kb7pOk/video.html
Ya I just heard it. Way to give people a bad trip in the middle of the dance floor. This is certainly a powerful and important monologue, but NOT for the party imho.
“I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in” has stuck with me since I first saw this almost 10 years ago
She yells out how she feels while the only thing we can whisper is “I’m fine”
I'm fine =D
Sometimes I don't even have the strenght to say that...my friends would notice that I'm lying....and I don't want to be a burden....have a nice day and stay safe...the world is an evil place.
@@juliju2844 i hope your doing okay! please take good care of yourself and stay safe whoever reads this. nice day love:)
True
@@karmatita7575 aww thank you . I'm ok....I guess. No forget it I'm horrible but I have happy times. When I'm with my friends or text with my gf. But I feel horrible, because I 'm so fucked up and I think it's unfair for her.
But please stay safe too. I hope you are good. Please stay safe, you are such a nice person. You deserve all the luck in the world. Your comment litterly made my day. If you need somone to talk I'm here.
Have a greate night and thank you
"I am afraid of living. I am lonely."
This. Hits me hard.
It's hurt so bad. 😭😭
Dhia Syuhada yeah
Dhia Syuhada me too
Yes its so damn true every word every feeling as she describes it and yes like her i dont understand it either. But i know the feelings and how dark the thoughts can be. That dark starts of scarry then it becomes comforting. And that is freightening as well
I'm not scared of dying"
Dhia Syuhada yeah I really did
"Are you afraid of dying
No im scared of living"
GURL SAME-
don’t mind me sending this to my mom
Perfect!
i wish i had the courage to do that
When I sat down to watch this with my mom, she yelled at me. Sometimes, they don't want to empathize, they want to be correct. When I watch this, I watch it with "Perfect" by Maia Mayor.
"I make plans, but I don't want to go. I make plans because I know, I should want to go."
This is so true.
It's just not fun having fun if u dont need a fun :)))
That is exactly how I feel and it really sucks
I'm making plans to move to a standalone small cabin to avoid neighbors and people in general.
actually,I don't have a person with I can make that plans
HalfAStar I know right
The way she moves and speaks..
You can tell shes putting everything she has into each word,each letter,each sentence.
She was having a literal panic attack during this
She was having a panic attack, she came to my high school. And she confirmed that
Lord Paradox id love to have her come to my high school
@@emmawinton8575 i hope she gets to, she is incredible.
She is not a human well she is. But shes basiclly everybodys feelings some times.....
Someone, anyone, tell her that she just made the world come back to it’s senses. Tell her she changed something inside of each and every human alive.
Pls watch our video.. If u like it pls subscribe our channel....
“You see mom each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms, dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove light. Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company.”
“Reminding me I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in”
Wow. How this hurts. Those lines are the most relatable for me.
Depression: kill ur self
Anxiety; but what if u died??
Me: wtf should I do now! God please end this pain.
I don't wanna Be here I know right! What am I supposed to do?
crazymafia leader I think we just have to wait and see what'll happen next plz don't end ur life things do get better if u wanna talk just let me know I'll give u my email and we can talk ❤️
I don't wanna Be here of course as long as you do the same
crazymafia leader of course! (Luna.busally@gmail.com) ❤️ stay save.
It tells you to kill yourself but once you do it you can’t take it back..The People that love you will be crushed...
She's having a full blown panic attack here yet she fought out the message and done what she needed to do. Amazing
She's shaking but i doubt she is having a panic attack
she tweeted confirming she was?
plus from personal experience myself you can easily read the signs
Oh I'm sorry I don't follow her on twitter.
okay well calm the fuck down dude lol
I'm back a year later to watch this and I'm no longer depressed,it really does get better
I don't even know you but your comment made me smile. I'm really happy for you
I am 14 year old girl who has a dwindling relationship with my mother because she doesn't understand my depression along with other things. This made me feel so deeply understood, and I am trying to get the courage to send this to her. But taking control of your own happiness is often the hardest part.
Thank you for sharing! I promise you that others have sent this poem to their mothers!
She looks so shaken & anxious yet she's brave enough to continue inspiring others with her poem
she was actually in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack
*panic
+A. Steele technically the same thing, you were fine the first time
I thought she was bringing the poem to life. Some of that stuff resonated with me.
+TØP TRASH Actually, there's a difference. I asked my psychiatrist some time ago. Anxiety attacks make you feel extremely uneasy, you might cry, you might feel something bad happening. Panic attacks are when your fight-or-flight instincts go in full force. As someone who suffers from both, there's a difference. Anxiety attacks are unpleasant and hard, but panic attacks are completely paralyzing and terrifying. Some people confuse them with heart attacks.
She's shaking so bad. She's having an anxiety attack in front of thousands of people and still she continues.... I wish I Was that strong
me 2
Why is this me everyday At school I have alexity attack why I type this one is forming and every min every hour every sec I have one I JUST WISH I COULD CONTROL IT LIKE OVER PPL CAN I CAN I JUST CAnt. Do it no more the self harming getting worst the thoughts are coming back
I only unliked this so it would have 666 likes but same
SomeKindMetalhead ikr
SomeKindMetalhead I have anxiety attacks talking to waitresses, I can't imagine thousands of people
I wish I could send this to my parents but I still don't think they would understand, I literally burst in to tears every time I see this video, her emotion is to raw, to real, and so relatable on so many levels. I hope she is doing good and each time I see this video I just want to give her a big hug knowing that she did this while having a panic attack
she was having a panic attack?!
I feel you cz I can't even send this to my mother too because she's the only reason I feel depressed .
She always hurt me thinking she's protecting me.
Ohhh my poor mom 😔.
I feel you and I really do 😐
Yeeeep.
That was beautiful. The next generation seems to be getting better and better at articulating their pain.
Because we worked hard enough to give them free time to think about thoughts. Your welcome.
@@danielbreedlove7522 you’re such a hero. Really deserve a medal 🤮
I showed my mom this, all she said was: "I understand you have depression, but your schoolwork comes first"
I just was someone to understand...
+kayla chan I do. I'm a mom. I'm sorry I can't explain it to yours. You are not alone.
I relate. You're not alone. My mother is the same way. I wouldn't even attempt to show her this. You're brave for trying.
+Laura Olivares
same
I'm sorry for not being more eloquent but THAT IS SO. FUCKING. STUPID!!! You can't just switch it off so you can do your homework! If you could NO ONE WOULD EVER SWITCH IT BACK ON AGAIN!!
UGGGHHHH THAT HURTS ME TO THE CORE. Honestly, if you need a friend or someone to talk to, just hit me up :-) message me or something and we'll figure something out
"I'm sleepwalking in an ocean of happiness i can not baptize myself in" wow
hidden what does that part mean?
well when u get babtized you get water splashed on u that cleans all the bad things youve done and she is saying that she cant be splashed with the happy water so she cant be happy
This line. Every single time. Beautifully written by Sabrina.
"I'm sleepwalking On a ocean of happiness I can not baptize myself in"
Perfectly explains what it's like to "just go out and try to have fun". Yes, I'm present in the fun and happy situation, with my friends, maybe even almost laughing at some points but just because I'm taking part in this thing that should represent happiness, just because I went out into the beautiful life that's going on outside of myself and my depression, doesn't mean that I'm happy and having fun - i.e. i can not baptize myself in the ocean of happiness. That's how I view the line anyway.
" I am standing beside her open casket, it's the moment i learn that every person i come to know will someday die."
people have a time.. i feel dead inside.
What a line. Woof.
Sobbing. Every word, every breath, every tremble: truth.
*_Depression can't be explained_*
This video: *Exists*
I like your profile name/pic
Gaara Kazakage Ty!
This video explains it rather well!
*All parents should watch this*
They still wouldn't understand
My parents still wouldn't understand
They won't understand at all... even if your mom is a therapist...
Leslie Abreu they won’t understand. They’ll just look past it and say that it’s your job, school, or family
*where did anxiety come from*
*I am a party that I don't want to be at*
*happy is a decision*
*I am afraid of living*
*Mom, I am lonely*
*but my depression always drags me back to bed*
That hit hard.
Not once have I heard anything come even close to describing depression and anxiety as this - and especially not in such a short amount of time. I am a 28yr old man and I have not cried this hard for as long as I can remember. Reading these comments, and working through addiction myself, I am hopeful that bright days are ahead so long as we take care of ourselves. I love you all
Wish you power and strength! You're loved as well
I am proud of her that she shouted everything while we are even afraid of whispering it!
And the way she tries to stop her tears to fall.
She actually put it into words.....
Ikr wtf
Incredible how we all feel but she explained it perfectly.
For so long I couldn't put it in words
Slythercorn 59 yeah and it’s hella relatable but I could never say this to my parents
Slythercorn 59 I didn’t think anyone could do that. I can’t even do that, it’s so hard to explain depression, and she did it.
i showed this to my mom to try to help her understand my depression when it was over and she said “is this what you sit around watching, because if i watched this all the time i’d be depressed too.”
im afraid to tell her now
wow.. I'm so sorry.
You don't have to make her understand..If she doesn't want to sit down with you and figure out how to help you through depression, then that's her problem. You can grow to be an amazing human, and maybe even help other people with their mental health. I hope you find a way into having a beautiful life and making it your own :) and remember, if there are 7 billion people in this world, at least one human loves and appreciates you 💗
Ouch, thats accurate
@@unknownhuman1979
People need support and if the one person who should support you doesnt, its like a blow the the head. It hurts and it causes damage. Yes she could be great and be ok but if she goes home to a negative atmosphere like that then thats not good
"Besides, mom, I'm not afraid of the dark. Perhaps that's part of the problem."
This.
😞 that bit got me
I showed my mom & she literally laughed & walked away half way through she didn’t even think I was serious about relating to this
Your mom is a jerk. Are you doing better? If not, it's okay. I'm sure things will get better ^^!
@@jronpa5756 it's serious and that's not ok for her to do that my mom is the same way I'm sorry for what happened tell someone else
@@Lys_Alaya I know. That's why I called her MOM a jerk. And I was asking if the writer was okay. Cuz I'm actually worried for them because their mom is like that. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone..
It's so true I'm not afraid of dying I'm afraid of living.
me too and my mom was just like this write me if you want to tracy.barnett17@gmail.com
I'm afraid of both. I don't want to die but I don't want to live
I'm mostly afraid of living as if I'm dead.
I'm not afraid to die. I crave death. I'm afraid of wanting to die.
;tired of living and scared of dying
In my opinion, this is the only video that shows how depression truly is, not that tumblr thing that some people think it is.
Jessica Boor amen sister. I love this so much because it shows imagry of depression without romanticising it.
Jessica Boor This video was beautiful in its truth.
Agreed.
So true
finally someone says it
Fred Again brought me here and i thank him for it, His remix involving this absolutely amazing.
His live version is even better. Highly recommend seeing him perform it live.
"I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptise myself in" makes me cry. I always come back to this when I'm stuck in bed
When you're afraid of your parents watching this, and making the connections as to why their son prefers to play video games instead of trying to go outside.
+watsyurdeal Same here
+watsyurdeal i wish i didn't relate to this damn
+watsyurdeal i wish i didnt relate to this and that i didn't know my brother related to this too
This is me right now, and I'm terrified.
+phan ! Who is that in your profile picture by the way. I think I know, I just don't want to get too excited.
"...Asks me if I'm afraid of dying" "NO, I AM AFRAID OF LIVING".... Words can't describe how that made me feel..
Most powerful words in the poem.
Sobbed...
I was tearing up through out the whole poem but as soon as she said that I started sobbing and couldn't stop for a good hour
Hit the nail right on the head.
Sleeping walking on an ocean of happiness that I can't baptize myself in.
I feel every word, every emotion, her anxiety, her panic attack, her pain, the point to shout laud and cry louder, feeling to get help but afraid of putting heart out, judging society. 😔 I feel u. I do.
My mom is actually the one that sent me this. I am very thankful to have a mom that understands that I can’t put it into words, but her words, for the first time in a long time, made me feel like I’m not the defect on this earth. Thank you.
The pure pain on her face and the shaking of her body kills me everytime
Me too... She has some new videos on button poetry and she looks so much happier. It's absolutely amazing
Same....
sameeeee
you are seeing fear and courage
she had anxiety attack on stage
"I am afraid of living!"
That-
That hurt.
Badly.
I can't stop crying
Can I hug this girl?
I want to hug her too, along with everyone posting here. Never lose hope.
i cant stop too
Same💔
Huhuhuhuhuhu
I was in pain, and you did not comfort me!!
I was lonely, and you did not come to me!!
I was afraid, and you would not hold me!!
I was weak, and you did not strengthen me!!
I fell down, and you would not raise me!!
My precious child,
I've been waiting for you to trust Me.
I've been waiting for you to run to Me.
I've been waiting for you to surrender to Me.
Your time has come. Reach out to Me.
I am your answer.
-Your Savior Jesus
I only hope she’s doing better now, such a talented and brave woman! She was having an anxiety attack in the middle of this, still she did it amazingly!
Holy shit, this is really incredible, now I will have even more goosebumps listening to Fred Again's songs...
“Why don’t you go to actual parties see your friends”.......
*Bold of you to assume I have friends-*
Me me me me
Me me me
Me me
*_M E_*
Me in a nutshell
That is what i said while i was watching this
Friends? What are thoses i don't thing i have any or any one my mom nope because im trans and bi so i can't talk to her she homophobic and my brother will just tell my mom and the "friends" think im lying and they say "YOUR FINE! GOSH" and then brush it off so =/
Big mood i am super super super “busy”
'It's not much fun, having fun when you don't wanna have fun' THAT hit me HARD
Agreed
I remember sending this to my mom 8-10 years ago when I first saw it because I was unable to get her to understand what my depression does to me. I’m 35 now and because she wrote this I’m still alive; because when the one person I needed to understand what their words kept doing to me was able to finally understand what I couldn’t say they changed. My mom changed. She still has a long way to go and so do I but she changed in all the ways I needed her too before I found a permanent solution to what still feels like a permanent problem.
Fred again has made this even more powerful than I thought possible
she was actually having an anxiety attack while doing this, hence why her face turns all red. she is a brave amazing woman.
she is amazing i agree
You can absolutely tell she is struggling but I'm so glad she shared this with us
she re-lived all she has gone through, because trying to explain in such depth and honesty such a situation, takes a deep plunge to what you had to live through.Also, even when you have managed to come out winner from depression, it leaves residues in your life and it takes a lot of time and personal changes in your life choices that will give you the strenth to start building yourself up again piece by piece, until it stops influencing you in a negative way, and remains just what it is just supposed to remain: a life-lesson
She was literally shaking l.. Respect. I could never
She was also shaking so much
I’m a grown ass man and I feel just like the emotion in this magnificent explanation of my feelings.
I think Fred again really made her story so relatable and accessible to many people myself included! I hope your ok Sabrina
No one wants to hear this when they’re high af on a dancefloor.
@@jaclyndesantis6162 i did n i cried
"Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town that depression felt obligated to bring to the party" 👏🏼🙌🏼 thank you for writing this!
My own family is the reason I'm so.. Depressed. (I use this word lightly.)
Teh Flooper omg same
This is one of my favorite lines in her poems! Her use of metaphors is AMAZING!!
i always find myself coming back to this poem. it really spoke to me.
same
Same
Same
spoke or speaks?
+korisx i meant in the past, so spoke aha
"I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." is something that really hit home for me. Finally moved to my best friend who literally has saved my life, had a child together & its taken me 2 years after birth to feel actual happiness, and I always felt I should have been happier sooner. Struggling with depression, anxiety & ptsd & then ppd was a brutal horrible time for me. But it was a fight I wasn't going to lose. Taken me 28 years to finally feel at peace inside my own head, inside my own home, and I still struggle at some points, but I'm glad everything is working out and I'm with the person who means the most to me, & who would never hurt me. Love this video, I wish my mother understood more.
I come back to this video about once a year. It is still just as powerful as it was 9 years ago.
Mom: "Are you afraid of dying?!?"
Her: "No I'm afraid of living!"
This stopped my heart. For her to say this means a lot.
She is a strong women.
She mean’t every word she said. She was having panic attack
Same...
Same here 😔
i got and still have shivers just from reading that
I feel that
The first time I watched this, before knowing what she would say, I screamed out "I am afraid of living" with her. It involuntarily came out. I don't think I've ever witnessed something so close to me.
I wish everyone understood.
i did the same thing :(
+Kay J Me, too. Wow...
same. I couldn't help but say it with her.
I do understand, I did the same thing (I even said a whole speel like this to my mother two years before I saw this)
me too I have depression all I do is sleep and write poetry and my mom doesn't undetstsnd
My throat feels tight and dry now after hearing this...
I already know that I will keep this video available at a couple a clicks away and get back to hit for many years to come.
I already know I will probably sent it to many people and share it on a regular basis.
I'm already convinced that this should be added in the shool program for teenagers...
" It's just not fun, having fun, when you don't wanna have fun"
That one hit different
My parents are always asking why I choose not to have fun, what I think they don't understand is I can't " have fun" unless I'm on my own. They tell me to be more social, what they don't get is I don't want to be, everytime I try to be, I get choked up, I have panic attacks, I feel like I physically can't do that. I've talked to my mom about it, and she asked if I needed to go to a mental hospital, I tried talking to my dad about it, and he just used the "attention" and " it's all in your head" card. Yes. I get that it's in my head. But, it's also in life. This is the reason I can't escape, the reason why no matter how hard I try, it's never good enough. This is the reason I stay up at night, not only counting my reasons to live, but the reasons I'm not good enough. If I were to tell my mom, one of the only people I trust, that I am constantly wondering why I'm alive, and I know the reason I am, I couldn't live with myself, it'd tear her up. Just recently, when I felt like I was just about to give up, I found someone who not only just gave me a little bit of hope for myself, but gave me my reason to live, and grow stronger. I am very thankful for that person, the only thing is, I'm scared. I want to tell her, but I don't want to worry her. My parents are always telling me to smile more, or be more happy, or look more happy, or saying " why do you always look so depressed/mad". What they haven't stopped to think about is, maybe I don't want to smile, maybe I'm not happy, maybe I'm mad at myself, and that makes me depressed, but being depressed only makes me more mad, and it's just that cycle. What's worse is, I don't even know why I'm like this.. now, I'm just wondering if I should tell that person how I feel..
Sorry for the rant if anyone reads this.. I just.. don't know anymore..
Hey, it's okay ^^! But istg if I see another vent where the parents don't care about their child's MENTAL HEALTH LEAVING THEM ON A THIN LINE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, I will write down a list of people to kill I swear -sorry if this make you uncomfortable, it's just infuriating to hear parents that don't care for their child when their child is so close to taking their life-
@@jronpa5756 No no! Not at all, and thank you for being a caring person. The world really needs more people like you.. really the only update is that one person left, along with the rest of my friends, but I did find some healthier, better people! I told my mom (the most part) and she's seeing to get me some help ( a counselor), the situation with my father is getting worse, but it's ok because I might be getting out of it soon. I hope you have a nice day/night wherever you are! Stay beautiful ❤️
@@Beans-up6qi well, probably not exactly like me. Cuz I'm pretty much bad luck -not kidding btw-, but yeah. I wish more people would be nicer and caring. Then these mental health issues would lessen -lessen by like no more abuse, but there are still other reasons remaining for depression and stuff-. I wish you a pleasant day, mot the same for your father tho. Your father can be thrown in William Afton's hell and I wouldn't care ^^.
My mom doesn't understand my depression. I physically can't get out of bed and she says "stop being lazy". I'm not lazy, I just always feel exhausted.
Same here....
Same. I always have to fake illnesses (because according to my mother, depression is not a valid illness) in order to stay in bed. I got to college now and once my mom found out that I skipped my two morning classes and she asked me why. I had to make up a lie that I took some medication for my chronic back pain and it caused me to oversleep. I wanted to tell her "I could not bring myself to get out of bed." but I know she would have said "You're in college. You're an honors student. That is no excuse." I hate that.
I agree. It's tiring when you can't get out of bed because of those hideous automatic thoughts that just won't shut the hell up.
Amanda Dorothy Anderson It's sad that we're at 2015 and there are still people in the civilised world who pick and choose what medically certified conditions they 'believe' in. Having someone there to provoke you into engaging in the world is a good thing, however diminishing a person's problems and reducing the pain of depression down to a personality flaw is fucking poisonous... and sadly all too common. It's a shame that adults (parents in particular) take such offense when people try to educate them on certain matters, otherwise I would suggest looking up online resources about the facts of clinical depression and printing some stuff off to just leave her to read.
You're not alone though. Try not to get into the habit of lying too much. It is always tempting to make excuses, cover up and disengage instead of looking them in the eye and insisting that what you feel is a real thing. Getting an official diagnosis can help shut their worst behaviors down though, if at all possible.
Hang in there!
100% AGREE. I get physically and emotionally tired quite easily from the simplest of things, but my mum thinks that because I am younger and dance that I should be able to endure things more. She always calls me lazy and screams at me for being lazy. I told her that I had depression last month and all she said was ''How the hell do you have depression?''. She's the only person I've told but I feel that she doesn't believe me and thinks I'm making excuses for my 'laziness'. I will never get over how powerful this was, I sat completely still whilst watching it in awe, It felt like everything I needed to say was finally said. Perfectly.
Anytime my depression gets worse I come back to this and it makes me feel less alone. I'm so glad she did this.
Christina Henderson same here
Christina Henderson that's what I was just doing
Christina Henderson glad I'm not the only one
same
Same
She is honest with what she says and has the courage to say it in front of so many people ... I just admire her
I came here to listen, and left sobbing. Man
That. Was. Powerful. Started crying from start but “I’m not scared of dying, I’m scared of living” BROKE ME. Puddle of tears. Incredibly sad and moving.
Why did you cry
@@xink3r_au727 you'll understand one day in your life but I hope you don't go through it
It broke me when she said why don't u try going to actual parties see ur friends. But then I realise no one wants to be my friend cause I've been ditched and bitched behind my back
started crying halfway though... never realized how much I related to this
I’m scared of both...
My mom told me that she thinks I like having depression
Parents don’t always say the right things
i have nothing to say except, godfuckingdamnit.
Parent are morons
They might not understand Depression but they love us. They want nothing bad to happen to us.
Your mom might have said that line out of confusion and her inability to understand your emotions but you have to make her understand what you feel.
She loves you. She will always love you. She wants all the happiness in the world for you. So never be sad. Everything will eventually work out. You just need to have trust in yourself. Believe in yourself!
I've had depression and anxiety for so long it's all I know
I still connect with this even in 2022❤
We know this is a beautiful poem and she acted it so effectively, but can we appreciate how she memorised all of this?
When you try to talk to someone about it and they tell you to get over it cause its all in my head. Of course its all in my head. Where else would my demons live? :)
+Dale White Of course it's in your head, that's where your brain is. Your brain is an organ and part of your body, so it can get sick just like the rest of them. When someone tells you to get over it, get over them. Find someone who does care, they are out there. Be well.
And they tell you, its your perspective and that "happy is a decision". Its just annoying. With their perfect lives and "happiness" they think they're some sort of experts at living life. Its sad
+vansh puri haha the funniest thing is when a few months later they're in the same shit and depressed af and come and cry to you 😂
Or when they say "there are people that are dying.. People who have it worst" and trust me I get that but why isn't my pain just as valid? I get they are different kinds of pain and I'm sorry if that it makes me selfish but my pain shouldn't be invalidated just cause you can't see what it does to me.
+Sandra Armenteros **worse
'I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptise myself in' WOW
Grace Platt I love her use of metaphors
I don't understand that metaphor
@Patchy It's a metaphor for suicide.
Grace Platt tha'ts my favorite part ❤️
Grace Platt what does it mean?
She is confident about talking about it i can't even talk about it im afraid of living to not dying
why do i always find myself coming back to this kind of videos...
Makes us feel like we aren't alone, gives the feelings of loneliness validation cause we know at this point we aren't alone. 😢😢
" i am afraid of living " that literally made me break into tears 😞
Same here. Every time. And i have watched this many Times.
Best Explanation of Depression i have ever seen.
Maya Sirine yes
Yup
Me too
Maya Sirine tkfh
This is amazing. You can tell by the tears in her eyes and the shaking of her body that she feels the emotion that she is speaking.
Agreed, seems raw, an outlet for her.
You can see how much it costs her to talk about it, especially to so many people, and it's just amazing.
I found this video via a clickbait website, and, i'm kinda sad I discovered it this way. Because everyday I keep coming back here to watch this, this is such a powerful video.. I've rarely seen that much emotions in so little time.
i didnt get that feeling , she was just acting
ash86marie Empathy comes easier to some people.
*"Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is."*
*- Atticus*
P.S. To anyone reading this, only if its alright and if it isnt that selfish of me, please whisper a prayer for me and my family? Truly needed it at this point. 🙏 Been a long and repetitive battle. 💔
Please pray for our total healing, stable source of income and may we finally afford to move out and have a place of our own, for our peace of mind, its so painful to keep on walking on eggshells in someone else's place, and not knowing when we'll get kicked again. 💔
May help finally arrive. 🙏
Thank you and GOD bless. ❤️
I’ve been watching and coming back to this video every year..praying one day I won’t have to come back
Sometimes, all I want is for someone to ask if I'm okay.
xXNoOneImportantXx Are you Okay?
TheOverratedDarkness Haha, yeah, thanks though. I wish more people would have asked me that when I was growing up.
xXNoOneImportantXx Are you okay?
***** True. Very true. Talking about everything that's troubling you can be very difficult.
xXNoOneImportantXx Sometimes, when I say I'm fine, I want someone to hug me and say, "I know you're not."
But then again, I don't want to bug people with my problems.....
she put it into words...
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) Same reaction here...
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) EXACTLY!
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) I cried...because I could clearly see myself in her words, it was so true... .
+ClickDi Clack I watched this video at least 10 times and I cried every single time. I guess even during the 100th time I'll cry
This poem was amazing! The line “am I afraid of dying?…no I’m afraid of living” hit me so hard and so instantaneously that I immediately started crying! Having depression and hearing someone that can describe how you feel on a day to day basis is emotional! This whole poem screams to me! If you know someone who has depression or other mental health problems…help them!!! Conversation and concern starts everything!
This hit me where I live so many years ago when I first saw it. I wish I could say I'm in a better place than I was then, but that hole I live in keeps getting deeper. Trying to explain my not being able to move from my bed is not laziness. Not being able to sleep and feeling exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my anxiety and depression, insomnia, ptsd. Look up ⬆️ 🆙 that handle , he’s got the best tips and stuffs for microdosing, psych meds, dmt trips, ayahuasca, lsd, psilocybin, chocolate bars and he ships too.
she spoke words I could never courage to say to my parents.
you shold try, or at least show it to your parents :)
Hah, if I did tell my parents they'd tell me to piss off and go tell someone who does care
Jay Ade same
😔
If i showed this to my mom she would get mad at me for “blaming her”.
same with my mom
Tried explaining and yup, that happened, so no need for me to try and show this video 🤷🏻♀️
Don't! It's a bad idea.. I tried.. And all they did is.. Beat me up
Same
@@hemamendon6614 you what???? That is fucking cruel!! Are you okay?!
I found this after the fred again song, so the entire time she was talking I was waiting for the beat to drop.
9 years after it's been posted this is my go to when explaining what this hell is like to someone new entering my life.
My mother just watched this and texted to say she understands now. I am 51 years old.
Well, at least she understands now.
Damn
Wow ur mother's trendy
Laila Hardy damn honey
Poor soul..
I cannot stop crying. "Mom, I am the party, only I am a party I don't wan't to be at." damn...she's translating my feelings into words
She has diary and she has laxidav and she is ugly
Michal Erenburg
What?
Michal Erenburg Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Fred Again brought me here. He made this beautiful with his musical genius.
After watching this video and reading its comments , I realized that lonely people are not alone.
I’ve listened to this so many times I can lip sync it word for word.
Same, its a good feeling
Zoe M same. it verbalizes everything that I feel but cannot bring myself to say. it's hard explaining to someone else how you are feeling when you don't even understand yourself why your crying or so depressed. 💚
Same
Zoe M same
Ikr
Lets be honest we this didn’t come up on recommend we searched it up
Just gonna call me out like that huh-
No longer available 😭lmao
it really did come up in recommendations for me and damn i cried like never before
@@rebekakalinic7326 same it gave me like 5 chills...but the good chills. if that makes any sense (?)
me who didn't search it:
This is so accurate! It’s anxiety/depression put into words… I almost felt like I was gonna have a panic attack while watching.
According to Sabrina thats what she is doing at the top of the video. Big audience and all.
I went to a rave once. I have social anxiety, depression, dissociative personality trait. I kept searching and trying to find anything that makes me feel alive. Nothing. For 24 years, nothing. I started abusing drugs and alcohol on a daily basis. After years drugs and alcohol stopped working. I have lots of loyal social friends that didnt leave me alone even in my weirdest days. I tried partying but that only made my anxiety and self hatred increase. Until I went to a rave. That’s the only time I feel alive, everybody is dancing and everybody seems to be in their own world. I felt invisible I can move how ever I want nobody seemed to care. I went to a rave and it was the best decision I ever made.
💙
A lot of this hits a little too close to home, especially the line "I'm afraid of living".
+zwithgol same
I wasn't bitching. I was saying I can relate. And you clearly are an ignorant person. It's possible that I don't have a computer or a phone. They have these things called libraries where people can go and use computers for free. Also, clinical depression isn't about your life being better than most people or having everything you need. Just by living in the U.S. where I live, makes one far better off than most of the world but that doesn't matter. Sometimes life is still crap and sometimes, especially with clinical depression, there's absolutely no circumstantial reason to feel that way. It's just a chemical thing. Until you wake up one day and it takes everything inside of you to take just one more breath, I suggest you shut the hell up about depression because you have no idea what it's like.
Agreed. No one can understand unless they themselves have it. It's not "whining," it's a chemical imbalance thing in the brain that makes you feel deeply sad for no reason, with little to no ways out of it. It gets tough. But like I say.....just because you can't relate to something or don't have experience with it....doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and that other people don't experience it.
***** By that reasoning you can't be happy because other have it better....
+NCR TROOPER Despite the year passing, I had to comment given that ignorant comment. Let's be clear. Depression doesn't skip over people just because they have a computer, a TV, a house, a phone, or whatever. Depression doesn't care about the balance in your bank account. Everyone has their own problems. You have it or you don't. Now-a-days, people get sad one day and call it depression, discrediting the ones who actually have it. It has become a "trend" and something romanticized in books (just look at some of the God awful books on Wattpad). But make no mistake, there are people who actually have this insidious thing and God bless them if/when they see it through.