I searched in vain for evidence of god's voice, power, and very existence - Rachael Robinson
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- čas přidán 1. 08. 2024
- T/W- brief discussion of rape
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Today I spoke with Rachael Robinson, who grew up in a Pentecostal church environment and trusted Jesus as her Savior at a young age, but ultimately deconverted as the truth claims of Christianity fell apart.
We touched on many topics, including:
• Going to church 4-5 times/week and experiencing very strict modesty culture.
• Focusing her life on serving god passionately.
• Being told to expect the Rapture and to fear being "left behind."
• Facing intense pressure to be "on fire for the Lord."
• Seeing people at church falling on the floor and foaming at the mouth in their fervor for the Lord.
• Having the church leaders put "blessed" anointing oil on her forehead when she made a profession of faith.
• Feeling like she was one of god's "chosen ones."
• Facing pressure to speak in tongues and to get baptized.
• Attending emotionally intense tent revival services that emphasized "saving souls."
• Continually repenting of her sins and thanking Jesus for everything that happened in life.
• Fully believing that her mom was getting messages and confirmations directly from god, but observing that whenever her mom got the message wrong, the discrepancy was explained away as a deception of the devil.
• Experiencing extreme homophobia from her mother, especially once she (Rachael) came out as a lesbian, while concurrently hearing her dad describe Christianity as an abusive worldview.
• Seeing loved ones refuse to go to a doctor, but instead claiming a healing from god, yet not being healed.
• Believing that her being raped was deserved because she was not living for Christ.
• Feeling constant pressure to rededicate her life to the Lord.
• Seeing her mom try to preach in church but hearing male church leaders shut her down.
• Knowing that the act of ever questioning the "word of god" would send someone to hell.
• Being given the consistent picture in her black church of Jesus being a white man.
• As part of her deconversion, shifting to a worldview where rationality and the need for evidence becomes central.
• Experiencing much more peace after deconversion than during her time as a Christian.
Thanks to Rachael for sharing her story and insights!
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Connect with Rachael!
/ @thecuriousatheist247
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Please subscribe to my other channels (many more channels and videos coming soon!)
linktr.ee/harmonicatheist
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Tim may be reached by email at: harmonicatheist@yahoo.com
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Thanks!
--Tim
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Ending music by Eyal Raz, "Friends"
• Friends
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Thanks for the love. You guys are so supportive. Thanks, Tim, for giving me a chance to tell my story.
The gaslighting in Christianity messes you up so much.
I'm proud of Rachael for sharing her story. There are more black people who no longer embrace Christianity/the Bible/religion than you realize. Yes, keep pushing!
Yes. The FFRF (Freedom From Religion Foundation) channel on CZcams posted a video titled, 'Black Activists and Non-Belief Panel: "Why I left religion"' that was a powerful conversation about deconversion through the lives of black people. Highly recommended vid for all of Tim's fans.
What I took away was to "Spend my privilege." Any fear I have of doing the right thing should never stop me from doing the right thing.
I’m going to need to them to leave behind Muslim, Islam, Hebrew Roots, Woke Hotep Consciousness and other religious beliefs as well. A lot of black people are far gone into all sorts of garbage and can’t just wake up. I’m a black woman, who has to leave behind a lot of people because of that mess messes up their mind altogether.
Thanks for the support!!
Great stuff, happy to hear so many people waking up and allowing themselves to be free from religious trauma.
This was one of the most powerful interviews in this series.
Tim, you are such a kind, patient, and gracious host. It's refreshing to see. I never dreamed for a second i would ever stop believing. I not only read the bible front to back, but i studied it front to back and over again. One thing i started noticing is that not many other Christians bothered. When i started noticing the Preachers and teachers were basically repeating what they were told, and hadn't bothered to make sense of it themselves, i drifted away from the church. A good 90% of Christians don't actually study or take it seriously. Its all more of a facade than anything. Just a way to feel superior over others. My problem was I wanted the truth. Had i been satisfied with superficial faith, I'd probably still be a Christian. What really opened my eyes though is when I started learning about NPD bc my ex was textbook narcissist and once i finally got free from him, all chains fell off. I saw how misogynistic he was, and how abusive. Then i started noticing the similarities between narc abuse and religious abuse. I truly believe one of the purposes of religion is to control and demean womem. Once i opened my eyes to the truth of everything, I couldn't unsee it. I'm still working through it though. I think this is the first time I've referred to myself as a former Christian. This channel helps me so much.
Hi, Heather, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words!
You've had an amazing journey! So glad you escaped.
I sent an email as well.
--Tim
Rachael is a capivating speaker and beautiful person.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope to be as brave as you, I’ve only voiced my deconversion to my closest friends, daughter and husband. My husband is very indoctrinated but we love each other so it’s something we’re still working through. But it’s important for more black people to come out about this. It’s so frustrating seeing the hold that Christianity has on our community. I wish you the best in everything you do. Sending your hugs 🤗
That Job story actually pissed me off…
Tim and Rachael, my parents are alive and even starting a conversation is traumatic for them because they are so far gone, and old. I don’t think any of us get closure with them.
Yep. It reminds of my grandfather who I battled on this religion stuff last month while at their home. It’s like their so far gone mentally it’s beyond. That’s why I’m shocked there’s people who actually woke up, I’m starting to believe they are a minority. The Christian’s I’ve been around have been in this stuff for years on end and die like that meaning the ones from my family.
Can’t tell you how thrilled I am to learn you’re working on becoming an RN. I just celebrated 21 years, literally August 2002 and it was the best decision I made and has presented so many great opportunities. Good luck as you continue your studies. You’re smart and you have a beautiful heart and we need people like you out here ❤
Hi, thanks for your kind comments! And if you think you'd like to consider an interview, please feel free to add me on FB and reach out there.
facebook.com/timandjuliemills
So much damage religion does, so much damage.
It is the worst thing ever put upon mankind. It has caused more hatred, bigotry, racism, judgment, wars, and cruelty than anything else on earth.
Hi. Yep, and the more damage done in some peoples experiences makes it more ridiculous when they get you early as possible to say that magic prayer🙏
Thanks to Rachael and Tim and EVERYONE else that's finding the courage to steer their kids away from fanatical literal interpretation style belief nonsense.
It's all mythology‼️
Have a good life‼️😬
One of your best interviews yet Tim. This one really resonated hard.
Thank you for your kind comments! Agreed, Rachael is a powerful storyteller. I moved just listening to her story.
I also grew up C.O.G.I.C., and yeah, it was pretty strict. My mother was a missionary and they would let her “preach”, but it was never at a regular service, and never behind the pulpit. It was always done on the floor in front of the pulpit. Smh. It never really stuck with me tho. I think I’ve always been an atheist. Glad you made it out sis.
Crying out to God to show himself to me, even in the tiniest way, to help my faith to survive when it was at "death's door", I can so completely relate to that. And the hiddeness of God, the deafening silence of God, that deeply resonates too.
I could listen to her talk forever
This was awesome. She’s a lovely person and I wish I could hear more about her!
I am just now starting my journey and this resonated a great deal with me. It reminded me a lot of my aunt, she’s one I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell about my…idk…awakening
Really interesting interview. Thank you!
Congratulations to Rachael for getting out of religion, speaking out, and living life on her terms!
I can relate to having a mother who seemed to hear from God SO. FREAKIN. MUCH. And she would often have messages for me/regarding me, and the situations would often play out according to what she had said!! I remember feeling a bit pissed off here and there that God apparently wanted to give HER all this information about me and my situations, but didn’t want to just skip the middle-man and you know, communicate it with ME?! So many cluster-F’s to unpack now that we’re out of it all, huh. Sending love to anyone in the middle of deconstructing and unpacking all these old thought processes, feelings, and traumas. It may be painful but just keep going!! It changes day to day, minute to minute. You adjust and heal every minute and it’s truly amazing ❤️
🎶 Hold on for one more day 🎵 >> is my mantra.
Rachael...you are AWESOME! Thank you! It's a difficult journey to be your authentic self, but it's worth it in the long run.
While the black church has had a vital role to play in civil rights, Believing the doctrines seriously strips you of Power and agency. Fatally, If you think jesus is your doctor.
Keep ‘em coming.
It's so heartbreaking. That whole Ohio river valley and broader Midwest, just a hollowed out strict conservative Christian wasteland. Not tht I know it well, I lived in Northern Missouri briefly and traveled through some of those areas. All the small towns have the same feeling, trapped in time, trapped in strictures, and a local population nmoslty believing they are bitterly bearing the cross and its the world's fault or something. Small Midwestern towns, extremely hostile to outsiders under the surface!
The south still got the Christianity mentality on lockdown. You’ll be surprised. The southern states almost of the people are Christians or they will operate from Christian logic or grew up around it to be influenced but it in a way even if they’re not converted.
This is a great story of how many people are brainwashed at an early age. Though, like Rachael, do question certain aspects of their Christianity but dare not to confront or further their studies, or even question whether under their believe is this TRUTH or just a myth? So, then I question why those experience demonic activity in their life? However, it's a great story shared.
Demonic activity is a part of confirmation bias. That's why it only happens to people who believe in demons and other supernatural fairytales.
59:40
Rachael's point about Heaven is so true. For me, the only thing left of Christianity is the great desire to once again see my parents, my grandparents, my brother, and not least, all of the dear pets that have joined me on this journey. But I know that none of these will return to me. It seems, then, that I can only strive to love better those that remain.
❤ this comment. It makes me love my people here on earth more today. I just went and petted my kitty and made her purr. 🩷😺
Why did god create us if he is going too hide from us and never answers is this how a loving god acts and leaving us in fear not knowing what the truth is you can beg god too answer and he never does I hate faith I want a hod that loves me enough too answer
'Every thing gets better. Why don't you want that(eternity with a god)?
No. Because in my life experience, the better is now. I'm happy now. I don't desire anything that's substantial in my life, any more than I do now.
Religion likes to proclaim you're never happy unless you have a god. Wrong.
It's like telling a grown adult that they must be anticipating presents at Christmas like an expectant child just because you're a child (of a god). Wtf?
But, without the realization that the true gift is what you have given to others. That is where true happiness lies.
At Christmas time, more a reunion than anything religious, I will tell all my family that a gift is not necessary. And I mean it. Give my socks or a hug. I'd prefer the hug. I'll shower everyone else with gifts.
Amazing, or sad, that many people can't understand how happiness often proceeds contentment. Both are within us. No god necessary to hold my hand and in a kingly decreed say, ' Worship me or you shall surely die'.
Talk about gaslighting.
I hope you're seeing this one Rachael, as I'd love to connect with you. Like yourself, did I also come from the COGIC lifestyle of Christianity, and how much your awesome story was mirroring mine; even my missions of getting right 'spiritually' to sit on god's lap, just let's me know all the more that I'm not alone from _that_ lifestyle specifically. Because I must say, we are rarities.
Nice to see an interview with more black people. We would love to see interviews from people in other parts of the world, particularly Africa. And maybe interview with other religions like Hindu
when i was young..
i remember feeling anxious and fear whenever my mom or one member of my family is missing or gone thinking raptured happened and i was left behind
I had an experience during a car wreck like what Rachel mentioned. Back then I was a regular church member. I was “saved”, because I didn’t want to go to hell. I used to have questions about what was taught in Sunday school. During Bible study I was not shy about saying,” I don’t believe that, it doesn’t make sense “. So anyway, when I had my NDE, I shared it with my church friends. I was told it was from Satan. Satan deceiving me. Because church didn’t teach that when you die you go to a beautiful place. Not a “doubting Thomas” like me. It took me a long time to leave the church for fear of hell. I never realized it but even as an adult I was afraid of my mother. She was very religious. When she passed away I felt free. Finally I could find my own way. Finally I could admit out loud what I had known all along. The Bible was written by men and religion was created by men .
But I still believe there is something after death because I experienced it. I would like to add that I was with someone during my NDE, but I don’t know what or who it was. I called it my guardian angel, but who knows for sure. I don’t fear death because of my experience.
There is a God/Source and Guardian Angels/Spirit Guides apparently. Lot's of people with an NDE describe that. And reincarnation, which goes against Christian doctrine.
@@andymetternich3428Oh that's just more woo.
@@spaceghost8995 maybe, maybe not. But lots of Emergency Room/medical personnel
esearchers confirm the accuracy of the Statements made by NDE experiencers who were clinically dead.
@@andymetternich3428 There are NO credible studies that confirm ANY of that. Hearsay from people is NOT evidence.
@@spaceghost8995 don't waste other People's time, be an adult. Google about whether there is credible NDE evidence.
I know you mean nothing of it, but when a straight person refers to our lifestyle “choices” the inference is that we made a conscience decision to be gay in a world where that “decision” would result in us being ostracized and hated. It took me stepping away from Christianity to also step away from my “pact with God” of killing myself if I couldn’t be made straight.
I bring this up because words matter, and I KNOW from watching your channel as much as I have that you would NEVER intentionally utter words that could even inadvertently cause hurt on another person. 🥰🥰🥰
Good point. Sexuality is not a choice.
amazing channel/the interviewer/is the best i have come across/and the guests/great honesty/thankyou
Thank you for your encouraging words!!
I rememeber hearing what I thought was God. Probably the most crucial moment of tht was pretty late in my faith and early in my doubts. "God" was "telling" me that the church leaders in my church were misguided and actually out of favor with God, and whatever could be inserted to that. It's paradoxical in hindsight, but it's as if God guided me out of church and oitnof the faith. These days I can justify it as non belief emerging and my own intuition and inner voice, true to itself at least. I regarded it as a profound revelation at the time about the church I was going to and then more broadly conservative Christians in general, because all around me in Texas they were basically all the same. We were waging holy war in the middle east, and you could question that, killing civilians and infidels was just part of God's will. But that's just a broader sociological sample from the time.
Interesting, as an agnostic person I also get a strong impression every time I connect with/personally address the higher power or god, that god doesn't want to be controlled (like being asked for miracles) or have words put in his mouth like in the case of the bible, and actually it's the same with any prophet and people that declare they have god to back them up specifically and bless them more than others
St Louis! Represent!
Yeah, i grew up with a Christian mother and an atheist father. While my father certainly has his issues, being raised fundamentalist Christian did not help my relationship with him at all. It helped harm it.
And i stayed a Christian largely due to feelings of expectation and not wanting to upset mother.
There were so many times, especially towards the end before i finally deconverted where my prayer was simply, Lord, help my unbelief, I want to believe.
But my faith was always intellectually based. Logic and critical thinking finally won out.
I'm still working through beliefs and ideologies i had due to Christianity, among them sexual orientation and abortion.
It's like you have almost the same story as Rachel 😊.
Whenever the topic of abortion comes up, I remind people that the Southern Baptists were pro-choice before the so-called "moral majority" happened as a political wedge to allow racism to persist at colleges that wanted to keep their tax breaks despite practicing segregation (it's always about racism and greed, "follow the money").
And I like to remind everybody that anti-abortionists are the farthest thing from pro-life - ever.
And I like to remind people that abortion is good and we need it. It is freedom, private, normal, self-determination, bodily autonomy, medically necessary, life-saving, essential, compassionate, scientific, and security. All those things are good things.
And lastly, I like to remind people that a government that can prevent abortion can require it. Bodily autonomy is crucial for a free and just society.
I feel so bad for the girl who died innthe fire similar thing actually 2 happened in my upbringing 2 kids one died one got blinded and yes it was all blamed on unfaithfulness 😢
I want a god that loves me and answers
Same here…
Wow I use to struggle with my thoughts as far as the forgiveness of my thoughts.
E. St. Louis is across the Mississippi River in Illinois. 10 minutes into the border which is the river. St. Louis is the city FULLY on the Missouri side bordering the Mississippi. She is correct. Like many predominantly black families, Christianity runs deep.
I HAVE SEEN SIMILAR SITUATIONS LIKE HERS PLAYED OUT. 👀
1:30:13. That reminds me of when my wife died in Hospital. All I got was crickets. Maybe only some people can talk to God or spirits?
As my daughter says, if there is a god, he sure does pick and choose who he wants to help, who wants that?
@@nigella4me well, the funny is, when I badly messed up my back at work, I couldn't take it anymore. So as a last resort, I prayed at my late wife's Hindu altar and actually got immediate relief/healing from the pain(which never returned). But when I prayed to Jesus to save her life in hospital, I drew a blank. So I'm thinking:
1. I got refused because she's a Hindu
2. I'm not a Christian in the accepted sense
3. Jesus isn't able to help
4. He doesn't exist as some say.
@@andymetternich3428 I'm glad you were healed. However, I don't believe in ANY type of god or that prayer works. If it did, the world would be a paradise with all the millions of believers praying for peace, health, love, etc. I don't like to think that someone, including myself, is so special that they would get healed, while millions of others, particularly babies and children, are not healed. It's been scientifically proven that the mind can actually heal the body in some cases if the person is truly concentrating on wanting healing for a specific reason. But, I'm glad you are no longer suffering.
@@nigella4me I don't know how any of this works, but I'm told that it(good/bad experiences in this life)has to do with Karma. Which also explains smart/dumb/rich/poor/healthy/sick people. And those with special talents from birth.
Though I would have never called myself atheist and never was caught up in any religion, I very much like watching your interview videos. Giving people who been indoctrinated into a organized religion the information that it's a man made construct for the benefit of man, not God, is important work. I do believe there is a soul, spirit, energy, entity, god (name not important) and our animal body is animated with a portion of the original.
to here god's voice you need to have ears the size of Horton.
I love when people of color come out because we are beat with this garbage in our heads as children.
Like it’s used as some sort of boogeyman type mess like it’s (the god in the Bible/or Christ) Michael Myers from the fictional horror franchise. It’s crazy especially for black Americans are hugely Christian fanatics it’s unbelievable how they’ll identify with the characters of the Bible and truly believe their those fictional characters. I have been around my recent relatives who’s Christian and they’ve been in that stuff since the 70s, and it’s depressing to see my eldest relatives who’s about to be dead and gone still hardcore Christians.
Their pastor really did a number on them with the extremist rapture/end time type thing. They’re heavily into that mess and truly believe it with all their hearts. They live in another state of mind that everything that’s discussed their bringing Bible/Christian beliefs into everything that don’t require that mess.
They don’t care about this life at all. They believe that this world is all evil, cursed, sinful, and doomed. It’s crazy how they never changed and I have grandparents who’s Christian to the bone that denies healthcare as well. My grandfather is a huge high holy roller 😂, they have church in their house den with him/my grandmother listening to constant talks of end times/world conspiracies and discussing bad 4x a week their always in service then on sundays to. They don’t have a social life, don’t travel any where, and just really misanthropes. They feel like this life is meaningless because they’re big goal is to get to heaven/be raptured up in the air.
It’s always “god this or go that”. Their whole lives only is based around late night 4x a week church service listening to their pastor who’s miles and miles away.
They also believe in the Bible literal. Like they believe Jonah was swallowed by a fish and lived type shenanigans. All in all this video was great 👍🏾.
There is no god, period.
You Are the God you are denying.
Straight up satanism