If You Have ADHD, You Are Likely To Be Depressed
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- Learn more about ADHD, motivation, focus, and attention in Dr. K's Guide to ADHD and Doing Stuff: bit.ly/3Dmn6Lq
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00:00 - Introduction
00:02:29 - Lecture start (Genetics)
00:14:36 - Neuroscience
00:27:30 - Deficits
00:42:38 - The present
00:56:00 - Roadmap
01:08:04 - Summary & Questions
01:26:42 - Why do people have ADHD?
01:35:50 - Any recommendations for people who don't have access to health professionals?
01:40:25 - Apathy towards success and sensitive to failures common in ADHD?
01:47:19 - Gender differences in ADHD
01:48:20 - Do today's teenagers have it worse with ADHD?
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Ohh wow.. I heard that "You're so smart" so many times as a child but I can't do life. It feels like everyone is able to uncover their true potential and lives by it. Except me.
I've felt this feeling of dread before and it has a way of coming back. Living with a curse. The people in my life always say "you've got so much potential" yet I feel like I've never achieved anything. I've done plenty of research trying to find self help and have discovered some form of self awareness. For some, just knowing there are others going through something similar can help. It's accumulative though. Take time to seriously sit down and think of what you can change, even if it's a simple as cleaning up after yourself. My depression makes menial tasks such as simple hygiene feel impossible, but implementing one thing at a time and adding to it helped build me up. I am still building and while you do, every moment could be that moment that your inspiration is sparked and you find your path. Best part of that is you're simultaneously building yourself up, by adopting positive habits and hopefully reducing negative ones. Never happens over night and don't ever underestimate the power of feeling good about yourself. Have a shower, brush your teeth, wear something nice, clean up your space. It all adds up and makes life more tolerable, but when you discover that inspiration you're propelled to it. Don't give up. What kept me going was the metaphor that I was like a cocoon, I just needed to break free of this prison and spread my wings.
This is exactly my experience.
At 35 years of age, Hecking same.
wow yes exactly
The same, now got diagnosed with ADHD at age 38
"Children with adhd are bullied, unless they are the class-clown" - Miz :(
@@vidzorko4492 too real
wait holy shit is that why i keep trying to pander to people as class clown
Or unless they are the quiet, bullied kid. ADHD is everywhere and not always obvious to others.
Or if they're the inattentive/many girls with adhd they feel like they can't connect with others as well and people write them off as quiet
Or unless they isolate from others
I’m the ‘smart’ kid who never got diagnosed with adhd with life long depression. I was fortunate to just “get” my schooling from listening and drawing during lectures. I feel the “I know what I need to do but don’t have the ability to do it. I have low self esteem due to childhood bullying. It’s really hard for me to participate in my corporate day job because it’s structured for neurotypical people. I appreciate this lector a lot! Thank you so much.
You and me both buddy. It's almost a parallel with my life.
YES! I always drew during lectures and the instructors were baffled that I could retain all the words and information. I was accused of not paying attention because I would never look at the board. I could not focus at all while looking at the board.
@@Rightly_Divided I cant count how many times I was told to put my sketchbook away and pay attention. I am glad I can articulate my needs now. 12 year old me would have appreciated it too.
"YoU'rE sO sMaRt, yOu cOuLd dO iT iF yOu wErE'nT sO lAzY"
Exact same!
A psychiatrist told me once that I cannot have adhd because I had depression, then another psychiatrist diagnosed me with adhd. It's scary that psychiatry is still invthe pseudoscience stage.
Sadly some professionals do not want to entertain the possibility of a dual diagnosis
@@camellia8625 My first therapist said that only dumb people have ADHD. I was a gifted kid and yes I did have ADHD (got diagnosed later). I didn't go back to him after the first session. Thanks to Dr. K, I was more aware.
Just because somebody has a degree doesn't mean that they're good at their job.
Yes, somebody that actually studied it will almost certainly be better than an average guy taken off the street, but that doesn't make them _good._
Psychiatry isn’t in the “pseudoscience stage” that psychiatrist was just an idiot.
Pseudoscience people invented stuff way before your amazing
Science doctors that can't find a fucking cure for thyroid ,diabetes or hiv. Because they jus want to milk the billion dollar business with costly meds.
If you have ADHD. You’re living life on hard mode. Even just a diagnosis can have a therapeutic effect on depression because you can put a name to the invisible challenges you’re facing daily. Be proud of yourself for just living life with ADHD.
I don’t want to live life with ADHD. I want to live *life*
@@jonesyxperia7 Yeah I wouldn’t choose ADHD. And that’s why I advocate for at least trying stimulant medication and therapy. But because you don’t choose ADHD, I think it’s important to give yourself credit for doing life with it.
I think that's invalidating towards the difficulty of living with ADHD. It's like telling a depressed person, "Hey, at least you're alive!"
@@ezioauditore7636 I don't believe they were saying that in that way. As far as I understood, what they were saying wasn't that they should be proud of having ADHD, but that they should try to recognize and have a bit of respect for themselves for the fact that they have to deal with a permanent affliction while trying to live their lives. This is similar to how people have respect for those who live a seemingly full life even while missing entire limbs, because they are still able to go through life's challenges without them, and it shows their strength.
@@megasweetness9353 That still feels invalidating as a person with ADHD because it completely undermines the continuous struggles I face because of it. It's also in a way shame-inducing because then the person will feel like, "Oh, I guess there's no real reason for me to feel so bad... I guess I'm just a whiner/dumbass/etc."
I'm so fucking sick of ADHD forever being the "joke" mental illness that either doesn't mean much or everyone has and therefore doesn't matter. It is all-encompassing. It has consumed my entire life. I want people to know that. We're not just a joke. It's not fun.
I'm so far a quarter through your video. Thank you for making it. It feels good to have your life's troubles be taken seriously _by someone who knows what they're talking about._
Yeah it really fucking sucks. Most people are extremely ignorant towards mental illness. They think they know what's going on in our heads and how it affects our lives, but a vast majority of the time, anybody without any kind of mental illness has almost no worthwhile knowledge of it. The amount of stigma this makes is so absurd. I'm surprised there hasn't been some kind of large scale social movement for bringing awareness, honestly.
@@megasweetness9353 big true & i've actually had people argue with me that mental illness isn't real, as someone diagnosed with bipolar, ocd, adhd, depression, and tourettes, my only response was "keep saying that and you will see what a person diagnosed as a 'psycho' as he called it, is capable of" and they never brought it up to me again. shouldn't have gotten to that point though because the piece of fckin shit shouldn't be arguing with people saying mental illness isn't real WHEN THEY SUFFER WITH IT EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIFE
I've felt embarrassed confessing about it to my professors when I'm late on a project. Needing to read sentences and paragraphs 2-5 times really slows down a course load of heavy reading. Juggling that with feelings of hopelessness and commitment anxiety is overwhelming. Makes escaping this problem through distractions so much more tempting but that further adds to the problem.
FR
@@stygianxv2797 ikr
I've had ADHD for 30 years and I can remember my teachers getting mad at me for drawing while they lectured but then getting annoyed that I could repeat everything they said back to them, lol. Even in my professional life, I have to be doing multiple things at once in order to focus, lol.
omg...me too!!! i doodled my way thru elementary school...the only time i could really focus was like 2 years, 6th and 7th grade. ...
My son has adjacent and I got calls and notes from elementary and middle school from his teachers he’s drawing and doodling in class and not playing attention. Well a month after he graduated high school he come home with five one hundred dollar bills and fanned them out and said now what about those notes and calls lol that was his half of his first paid tattoo he has been blessed to be able to make a living doing something he loves doing and has passion about art. We all have to work and it’s miserable when you work doing a job you hate vs doing a job you enjoy doing. He’s self employed and successful. I couldn’t be more proud of him. Most with adjacent are very intelligent people with above average IQ.
Same lol...
I love how every time I mention my ADHD people around me quite literally say, “Oh shut up, everyone has ADHD.” And I’m just so tired of having to explain myself. I’m tired of being so self-aware of my issues without having a way of dealing with them. And when I do try to make changes or fight my mental wiring I get shut down by external forces (I.e. people, work, etc.)…. It sucks and I do have bad depression from it all. But still, I press forward.
I just don’t bother explaining it anymore. If someone asked me, I just tell them to google it..
Tell them, no Susan, everyone does not have ADHD. Then show them an Olivia Lutfallah short to that effect
You tell the truth. “Do not minimize my medical issue. You don’t have it- if you did you wouldn’t be so rude “
@@vrglcomthey are way too myopic
You press forward, is key
About half of my huge extended family has ADHD. Our social norms are strange. Talking over each other is comfy and default. Lots of interruptions. None of us can make ourselves go to bed and I often end up talking to my aunts, uncles, and cousins until 5am. Everyone is late to everything by like 4 hours.
It’s nice that this weirdness is acceptable in the family but it honestly makes it trickier to deal with groups outside of our own family.
this honestly sounds lovely to me
See I grew up in family where talking over one another was normal too and I hated it. I get fighting mad when someone constantly talks over me
I would never talk in your family lol, I only speak when people want to listen. My grandfather has actually apologized to me cause one time i went to visit he was upset i didn't say anything while there and I just said you were talking and didn't want to interrupt lol
@@ohnoo4468 Sames. I score like 9/10 traits listed in this video. But i've made monumental efforts to not talk over people and actively listen. When people talk over me, it trips my narcissist detection flags, having been raised by these types of shitbags, narcissists are 10x worse at interrupting people than people with adhd in my experience.
If you tell someone with adhd they are interrupting they'll normally make an effort to stop. If you tell a narcissist they are interrupting too much, they'll get uppity and mad, try to gaslight you, then double down on the conversational narcissism.
@@stevenmcqueen7433 That's my adhd right there. I cannot speak while others are talking because I can't process what they're saying fast enough to formulate a response
I don't think people understand how important this is to protect our kids from. I literally have no happy childhood memories; not that good things didn't happen, but I was unable to feel happiness or enjoy them. The first 30 years of my life are blurry and grey. Knowing is half the battle and others don't have to live through this.
I remember hundreds of traumatic memories as if they just happened. But I can count on one hand the clear memories of happy things that I've experienced that I still remember well in my whole lifetime. I'm in my early 30s and it sucks... I'm depressed most of the time but definitely have happy experiences, they just don't stick with me. And that leaves me feeling guilty and hopeless and lonely. Good to know that at least I'm not alone in not remembering good stuff.
Been my experience so far. Still looking for a psychiatrist/therapist that will actually want to believe i have ADHD. Last one claimed it's "pointless to put a label on myself", needless to say i was very upset, especially after struggling with this for two decades and not being able to ignore the almost certain fact that i have ADHD. Everything i ever read about on ADHD i relate with. For example, just like how i thought i might have BPD, but didn't have much of an important aspect or two like black & white thinking, only to figure out that ADHD has very similar manifestations. ADHD is so much more than just inattention, and i check all the boxes, in this video too. But it's hopeless, two decades of seeing mental health professional, and not once have i been listened, just thrown antipsychotics my way for a schizophrenia with none of the symptoms, under the pretense that a depression is enough for a diagnosis of it. I just get brain fog, headache, and i can't think at all when i'm put on the spot and try to explain my issues in person (probably related to a lifetime of abuse from family, peers, teachers, etc), they don't help me either. But apparently that means i have poor vocabulary (despite being fluent and well spoken in both French and English) or that i'm just here for some stimulants. Fuck off with that.
Knowing is half the battle, and that's all i ask, for a proper evaluation. It'd be 90% of the battle for me, but they deem it either unnecessary, or even come up with ridiculous things like claiming ADHD is made up, that i'm just lazy, etc... I don't enjoy my living hell, no, contrary to what they think. 2 decades of isolation and depression is too long for simple laziness.
If i were to remember any moment of my life where i've ever felt truly happy, nothing would come to mind. I'm lucky i don't struggle too much with self loathing, cause i believe no one should start suffering from the worst consequences of ADHD+trauma from the moment they leave toddlerhood. Never had a single person in my life validate a single struggle of mine.
@@Dice-Z i'm so immensly sorry for what you are going through, ignorant and incompetent therapists/doctors is something of the worst things that can happen to you and i know this very well - no one deserves such treatment. it’s a crime these kind of 'professionals' are allowed to work and damage more people then they help further, the amount of powerlessness they impose on people like us is despicable!
is there any adhd group/social institution/selfhelp center etc where you can make an appointment and talk directly with others who have first hand experience with it? i wish i could help you more but this is the only thing i can think of.. i wish only the best to you, life doesn’t have to be this way
@@vivvy_0 I appreciate the thought. Incoming wall of text, i don't care much if anyone reads it or not, but it just helps putting my thoughts down somewhere sometimes.
Not really anything that i found. My best bet is honestly looking for an ADHD specialist or looking for therapy in another country because it seems like ADHD support is doomed where i am. I've also always been interested in trying EMDR but no clue where i can find that, i've looked. Mental health is just garbage where i live.
If you even achieve the miracle at getting a doctor who recognizes your issues as legitimate (i've been straight up told that "that didn't happen" when i mentioned experiences i've been through with my violent, neglectful yet smothering, abusive and narcissistic parents), the only medication that's even allowed is ritalin, so if that doesn't work for you, tough luck, you won't be able to get anything.
I've been told that i need to get better at managing my symptoms and their consequences before i can be prescribed ritalin once... What the hell is up with that? It's the same bullshit where every jobs expects someone fresh out of school to have job experience. If i could i wouldn't be here in the first place.
I wish i could just manage to live without the medication, some make it almost sound easy which doesn't help fueling constant self-doubt, i've tried for a long time, and it simply doesn't work. I've been hyperactive my entire childhood and even though i loved learning, i hated school, so i could never follow a single class. I cannot start to do anything in life, i cannot spend more than 2 minutes on any tasks, projects, even those i loved i can't do anymore. Composing, playing games, all of that. I can't even sit down and stay put anymore. It takes more energy than i have left to keep myself alive. My brain is too active and has so many ideas, so many things it wants to do, but it's painful to see i can't do a single one. I got desperate enough to misuse a prescribed painkiller that helped with all of my mental health issues (and despite the pile of just as hellish issues it added to my plate, i don't regret it. I don't regret getting to live peacefully for a year or two, at all.), and despite being a depressant, it acted like a stimulant, strange right? Medications always tend to have the opposite effect. Coffee makes me sleep. My emotions are so intense that they are impossible to control. Surviving life with no support from anyone makes it that much more miserable. I have so much more that just can't come to my mind ont he spot, too, that just has to be attributed to ADHD.
I have a close friend who has diagnosed ADHD, they live in the US... I pretty much struggle with all the same issues, but a lot of them so much more intensely. Either i have really severe, crippling ADHD that is simply not manageable, or its association with depression, anxiety, trauma, and a few other things simple makes a too lethal mix for my ability to do anything anymore... or both. So really i doubt i'll ever live a life.
I've doubted that ADHD has a role in my life, let alone an important one, but now it's just painfully obvious, but i still can't find any professional who will help.
It’s so hard to get someone that doesn’t have adhd to understand what it’s like.
If you have ADHD i want to give you hope, being a young adult with ADHD is incredibly hard but it's harder not knowing why. The more you learn about how your brain works and how you process things you start to understand that you have to create your own norms to get things done, your own processes that help combat executive dysfunction, impulsivity, anger etc. I promise it will get easier. I promise you, don't give up.
I really needed to read this, thanks.
Adhd is a hard boss fight but an advantage you have is its surprisingly learnable, if you follow a good guide.
Super frustrated today with myself for not getting what I need to do done plus depression. So tired of it
@@kirk1007 We have lots of days like that, just remember you’re human and humans are not perfect. Even with all my understanding of my neurodivergence, I can’t stop days like this completely. I have tried my best to stop the guilt though, because the guilt of feeling inadequate will make more days like this happen. Try again tomorrow 🖤
Yeah I'm just gonna tattoo damaged on my forehead and scream in the fetal position in the shower its been working so far :'D
I'm 31 and my ADHD was missed due to being female, having a high IQ and succeeding in school. I've never felt so invisible in my life.
Im sorry but looking at your name im not so sure about the high iq, jesus christ
same here sis
Very similar story here. I was finally diagnosed at 28. Mine was missed due to being female and thus having more internalizing symptoms, in addition to having a high IQ and always getting good grades in school. But there was always some degree of struggle behind the scenes. It wasn’t until I got to grad school that I realized how bad my issues are because the workload is so intense that my old compensation strategies aren’t working as well.
Same, but not diagnosed until 40.
I'm 26, just diagnosed and exactly the same thing happened to me. I didn't feel invisible, but more as though I was never good enough and just couldn't do better despite knowing I was smart.
The “don’t get invited to social gatherings” really hit hard for me. For my entire life as long as I can remember it’s usually me asking others to hang out or try and get something going. Very rarely does someone invite me to hang out or for a group thing.
Don't worry it's nothing personal, that's most people's experience. You generally have to put most of the effort, a lot of time people would be just doing nothing if you don't hit them up.
For me it was the exact opposite.
SAME
@@samg2320 no,it shouldn't be that way.
@Nutter butter exactly, but you shouldn’t have to be the one who always reaches out. I know this from experience. If you are always the one reaching out to continue your friendships with others, then you need new friends. If you stopped putting in effort, would they still talk to you?
As a person with adhd we fall into depression easily. Being sensitive and different from others you grow up thinking something is “wrong” with you, that you’ll never fit in and that’s bad. Humans being tribalistic by nature and the human need for connection doesn’t help this either. And when you are being bullied (like I have) growing up being called retarded, dumb, childish, etc,. It sucks. And don’t even get me started on the education system… but at the same time I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I’ve learned to accept who I am, to not care about what others think and learn to live how I want to live. I’ve tried doing things the “normal” way but it never clicked with me. I’m fine with this now. I will say now that I’m no longer depressed or anxious. I’m still stumbling through life and am a late bloomer in a lot of areas but I’ll find my way. Remember, when you are a fish in a jungle surrounded by monkeys they will ALWAYS judge you for how well you climb a tree. Instead find your pond.
I relate to being called all kinds of shit growing up but the worse is when you don't even know why this is happening to you and why nothing was just clicking. At some point, I've accepted that I was probably stupid or not interested in many things until I got diagnosed, it explained everything.
"Remember, when you are a fish in a jungle surrounded by monkeys, they will always judge you by how well you climb a tree. Instead, find your pond." - this is really excellent. We should go and swim and not trying over and over to climb on trees!
Yeah I have ADHD and as a kid was a highly sensitive person (I guess I still am) and all of the childhood rejection and not fitting in really got to me. On top of that my home life was pretty lousy and unstable which left me with no safe zones to feel secure in. Sometime around high school I decided that social interaction wasn't worth the effort and became totally independent of others which barred me from enjoying close relationships with people. I've recently learned that I have schizoid personality disorder characteristics which is why I'm unable to form close relationships with people. Have never had a best friend, have definitely never had emotional intimacy with a partner. It's all so overwhelming and invasive to me, it feels unsafe. I don't think it's something I can recover from, at this point its more about doing what I can to not disconnect from society completely.
It's also very easy for us to feel like shit about ourselves because there are so many things we see others do easily while we keep failing at it.. Like studying, working or even just doing routine chores. That can really wreck your self image.
@@bobobsen Yeah that's super true. My parents always told me I was a smart kid growing up and while that tends to be a bad thing, it honestly helped me a lot because going off of school performance alone I was a B/C student since I just couldn't bring myself to care about school. If they hadn't told me I was smart I might have come to the conclusion that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything. That's more toxic than the 'smart kid persona' imo.
Everytime i learn more about my ADHD i realize how fucked i am and it just makes me even more depressed than i already am
Well as the video discusses, now that you know what you're up against, you can find strategies to deal with it successfully.
Like I've been doing work to improve myself for decades and I'm still working. Turns out I've been fighting the wrong problems. Devastating, right? Decades, plural, of progress rendered ineffective.
But now I know why, so next time it'll have better results. I know your comment is old, but don't give up. Keep learning. Keep pushing. Strive.
@@KingRidley good description, I’ve been fighting the wrong problems
Keep on keeping on. Rick Webster CEO of RenaFi is another good resource for developing useful coping skills for living your best life with ADHD.
Lady with ADHD-I chiming in - I extremely relate to the history of being bullied and academic failure while teachers were constantly saying, "You're so smart, why are you choosing to do so poorly?" I wasn't the class clown, but once I got high school I definitely did a related coping mechanism - being very flirtatious. I felt like I had nothing to offer except (the potential for) sex, so I tried to make everyone fall in love with me. "Gathering allies" is how I've talked about it in therapy. It is an extremely isolating way to go through those young adult years. I'm only about halfway through this vid so far, but I wanted to share while it was still on my mind.
“Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re blocking your own blessings by holding onto to the past or thinking negatively. Start letting go.”
Damn I'm gonna take those words to heart
-Eren yeager
@Simon ngl if u failed i´m kinda disappointed in u my fellow internet stranger... even tho, knowing the struggle of NNN myself °__°
@Simon u commented "your are the person that made me start nofap"
my comment was related to this because *nofap = NNN ^^
I akready hate all this bs quotes that cant help, its just so pretty to read
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old. My parents hid it from me until I was 21 and failing out of college, at which point they told me about it. This video made so many things make sense.
Reminds me of me. My mom was an ER nurse and said she knew I had adhd as early as kindergarten, but she didn’t want me to have to “rely on medication”. So she refused to get me tested until I became suicidal at 15. I think often about how different my childhood might have been if I had gotten the help I needed before it became critical. Sad that my mom was in the medical field and still did that.
@@kidmnstrr sometimes a person who's completely clueless is a lot better than someone who knows a fraction and thinks they know a lot
My parent's got me tested in elementary school, and they decided to wait until I was old enough to understand the upsides and downsides to the medication. I tried it for a month and it didn't do anything for me that I could tell, so I don't use medication and I still feel alright. It's not the end of the world, having unmedicated adhd has some great benefits too
Also there was a time when people were very skeptical of the adhd medication because it was like the illness was made up after the medication was invented
@@ThisistheTale The issue lies in adhd being a spectrum it effects all people differently
Figuring out I have ADHD at 36 finally made so many things make sense. For instance, why the decades of treatment for depression has never fully worked. It also finally put to bed the endless abuse and invalidation I received from my parents and peers growing up. No, I am not useless, lazy, weird, whatever, I have a difficult disorder to deal with.
Did adhd meds improve your depression?
I'm also 36 and now more accepting of my ADD and anxiety and taking meds.
@@codeblue3490 yes ADD meds improve my depression.
Same for me diagnosed at 32. You’re not alone ❤
Same, diagnosed at 40 and now 49.
2:50 - You are not screwed if you have ADHD
7:18 - Genes + Environment
11:10 - Risks of ADHD
13:35 - Treatment of ADHD
18:20 - Volume in brain less
30:09 - Coaching programme 20% reduction
32:39 - ADHD causes depression, treat the ADHD to treat the depression
Thank you 😊 👍
37:41 yo, what kinds are we talking on that Zebra Cheeese tho??
I have only watched the part where he talks about apathy towards success and holy shit. This hits home. I'm only diagnosed with depression by my GP but working on getting an appointment with a psychiatrist, and am currently struggling a lot on my bachelor thesis because I don't really care about succeeding but I'm also so so scared to fail and ruin everything like the last time that I'm just stuck doing nothing. Panic is my last minute "motivator" that relies on pressure and leaves me very very drained afterwards but that's what I felt like was the only option to move forward with my studies even though I told myself every semester again that I'm doing it different now. Never worked.
timestamp?
That was exactly me 3 years ago with my masters thesis. i somehow managed to finish it (nearly a year overdue) and i hope you find the strength to do so too. i got diagnosed with adhd 6 months ago and i feel so relieved. it feels like im reviewing my whole live and things make finally sense now.
THIS!!
You will thank yourself later on that you pulled through. Getting my bachelors was an absolute hell but that piece of paper opened so many doors.
I hope your indiffirence to your succes gets the upper hand, thats when depression really goes into overdrive
Currently me. Its 3am and im writing an essay due tomorrow that ive had two months to do but put off because i dont undertsand the material and i dont care about doing well, but im also so terrified to fail that i hadnt started it because i feel stupid that i cant start it
I think a huge problem we have on top of all of this is people without ADHD are also heavily turning to avoidance to just not deal with conflict. I’m sure the lockdowns have only made social awkwardness and ineptness worse across humanity.
This is so true 💀
I’m low key kinda glad everyone else is a little socially inept nowadays, makes my ADHD ass look a little more normal 💀
yea true, but i also feel like the lockdown made me realize that I wasn't taking advantage of non-lockdown and not putting adequate effort into my relationships to begin with
@@elleszabo8655 fair. I’ve come to the conclusion that many people don’t put nearly as much effort into their relationships as I do and I began to start cutting people out left and right. Or they’ve just stopped talking to me.
This is so true 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
My ADHD did not get caught until after my depression got treated at 24. I’m one of those smart kids that felt shame over an inability to study, but it was a non-issue in school. University was a different story. Depression crept up then as my self worth eroded and I had to address how grades contributed to my self value. Even then depression continued to set in until I couldn’t even motivate to do assessable work. Got medicated for it and it worked. I started initiating stuff again. None of that stuff was study. I would sit down and be unable to read a paragraph as my brain wouldn’t take in the information, even if I read it out loud. It was super frustrating and anxiety inducing. I’m glad I have amazing health care providers that immediately believed me and I got help. But man, there’s a lot of stuff I need to work through. This list is really helpful in giving my problems names. Thanks for this lecture.
Edit: typo
Yeaah that's kind of my life, still not going to college cause it seems boring as hell and there's no way i can take another 5 years of studying, but i can imagine myself struggling in the same way you did, i never had to study to get decent grades in school and so i never studied at all, just paying a little attention to classes was enough for me. When i was a teenager my mother didn't force me to study cause she was always working and as long as my grades were good she was fine with it, and because of that i struggle a lot with discipline, i can't maintain a regular schedule and follow it for more than a month and working from home has been a blessing cause it's so hard for me to sleep and wake up at the right time.
A brilliantly informative and easily understandable presentation. ❤ I am 71 years of age and have struggled with ADD my whole life. I was fortunate enough to learn how to adapt and had a very successful business career (though exhausting as it was) until our eldest of two sons died by suicide 12 years ago. He had ADHD. At eight months he went from crawling to running and never slept through the night for the first five years. I (we) have struggled terribly since losing him. Our younger son, also very intelligent now 36 struggles with ADD. Your presentation has helped my wife (and I) understand what we’ve been dealing with the past 40 years and I know it will help my younger son understand his condition and how to learn new and better coping skills. Our heartfelt appreciation. Keep up the good work. ❤
This hits everything. Having ADHD and depression for most of my life, it’s actually hard remembering how it feels to NOT BE depressed. It’s a life long process for most of us to overcome some of these challenges. Thank you for even attempting to shed light into this. I know myself and other people with ADHD really appreciate it.
adhd is supremely obnoxious to deal with on a day to day
Yeah I got hit with not only ADHD and depression, but a bunch of other stuff like OCD. It's not fun, but you kind of get used to it. The main problem is accepting that I'm not stupid because I can't get anything done because of my ADHD. Since I can't seem to accept that, it makes my self esteem a lot worse than it already was. I'm working on it though and I think it's getting better.
What is most of your life in your case?
I wish I could give you some pointers. I spent a huge chunk of my teenage years depressed. I'm just now getting my old happy self back and I wish I knew how. Honestly, I think it was the loss of my 16 year old dog that had a lot to do with it. Loss like that put my life into perspective. We only have one chance at this life, theres no point in wasting it being sad all the time.
It's both nice and doesn't feel very good, (like remembering something embarrassing you want to forget) to see so many comments that basically describes my experiences in life.
I've felt like an alien my entire life , I always see people doing , achieving , enjoying things and I would always tell myself 'that's for them , not for you - you're broken' . I finally feel like I can be on a path towards healing and forgiveness and I can't thank Dr. K enough for giving me the tools to open a dialogue with myself and my past shame
Wow amazing 🙌🙌
Same here. I even got obsessed with UFOs for a few years in my teens, probably because I felt so different and isolated from normie type people
The correct medication for Autsim is LSD/ magic mushrooms,
Microdose or one huge dose , both will work
YOU CANNOT BE UNDER THE INFLUNCE OF SSRI's they disconnect the lower emotional brain
Do it to the Grateful Dead music
Was constantly thinking about killing myself
Never since
Reborn
Wow I had the same thought, that’s not for me, I’m broken. I always felt stupid too in a way. I hope you are continuing on your path to wellness
I’m grateful for adderall
The other thing to remember is the high heritability of ADHD means that a child with it has a very high likelihood of being raised in a family where one or both parents as well as siblings and extended family have undiagnosed ADHD, and the maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms they adopted to get by have effects that extend into the lives and development of their children, further exposing them to other, more negative and traumatic experiences.
My mom and her 4 sisters weren’t diagnosed, but their kids were. I’m older so I went undiagnosed until 40 when my cousins were diagnosed as kids or teens. That’s what led to me looking into it and then being diagnosed.
However, they did know it was “something”, but they used to just say they had the “Lewis memory” while giving me techniques that worked for them. For example, they would tell me if I walked into a room and forgot what I went there for, to go back to where I was when I thought of it to remember, lol
I remember reading that adhd makes people ire likely to get trauma because if they are the inattentive type, they might not always be as aware of the situations they are in and the hyperactive type because of thrill seeking or impulse control behavior. I’ve seen both in my family. Being 49, I was the first one in my extended family (my mom and 4 sisters) to even go to therapy. My cousins that are 10 years younger or more than me all went for various things and only the youngest of my aunts ever went herself. Your comment is so true for me. I also have ptsd and it started in childhood from emotional abuse and neglect. Just so much untreated dysfunction that led to their own untreated traumas that snowballed into the next generations.
@@punkroxgirl I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my mid 30s myself and can definitely relate. After having the doc explain it to me it became obvious that most of my immediate and extended family also had it, including my parents and one of my own children.
@@doomguy9049 yes, once I learned more and more, it was so eye opening! It’s possible my dad had it too, but it’s hard to know because he had very severe trauma and ptsd from an abusive childhood, but I see it on my mom’s side so clearly. We used to go on family vacations and all stay in a big house at the beach…there was so much chaos 🤣 I remember one evening me and two of my aunts made coffee and I went back to get some and it was gone…I mean the whole pot itself, not just the coffee, lol. So I went searching for my aunts in all the rooms and my oldest aunt had the whole pot just sitting on table beside her bed while she was preparing for sleep 😂
@@punkroxgirl lol that's a sweet story, definitely sounds like your aunt was self medicating with that coffee. I used to do the same thing: the psychiatrist who diagnosed me was very surprised that I had never used any kind of recreational stimulants before: it seems quite common for ADHD people to self medicate with booze or drugs, especially uppers.
I was a "gifted" student with undiagnosed ADHD (only just got it diagnosed in July). School was easy, a piece of cake, except I didn't want to do the homework or take notes. All I wanted was to read my books.
College was even worse lol, it took me 5 and a half years to get through it. I had no study skills or impulse control to study, and I could barely pay attention in class no matter how interesting the subject was. Other than labs, the only class I was actively engaged in was one where you take your notes before class and work on the HW in class.
Are you me lol, got scolded every week for not doing homework but still breezed through school, i never needed to study at all so i have no clue how to study now that i need to get into college, and to make things worse now that i'm actually forced to study it's so boring that even washing dishes seems to be more interesting.
Was a gifted student too and had a ton of behavioral issues and couldn’t finish or complete most hw assignments. Was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago but my current therapist thinks its actually adhd. Still waiting on an eval but your situation sounds so familiar!
@@Daniel-wz3yv too relatable rn
My people! 😅🤗
Same, even in university I would almost never go to my classes , would open the book/notes the night before the exam for the first time in the semester. Pulled an all-nighter then showed up for the exam. Took me 5.5 years instead of 4 years but eventually got my diploma lol...Nerve wracking nights but only THEN my motivation would kick in 🤷
Inattentive ADHD is the worse thing for me. I seem apathetic, lazy, and unmotivated. I cannot for the life of me focus and its pretty much costed me some entry level jobs with some harsh words thrown at me too.
imma be real inattentive adhd isn't necessarily the worst thing if you take into account the executive functions that take your self control into account are actually higher in those without any hyperactivity at all. Its not that you can't focus it is that your executive functioning is severely hampered (which is often not related with focus) but with reaction time, short term memory, visual memory, not even necessarily auditory, also visual imagery.
This hits home on so many points. I can actually show my friends what it’s actually like to have ADHD by showing this video. More people need to know that this is more than just hyperactivity or “ooo butterfly”. Thank you for shedding light on this disorder, Doctor K!
Nice partyhat bro!!
Your friends are not going to watch this 2 hour video lol… ADHD makes you get super into topics and want to passionately share with others, but that enthusiasm makes you forget that they probably don’t care.
I do that shit all the time 😂
Not to say your friends don’t care about your experience, it’s just unrealistic to think they’ll actually watch this movie long video
Sadly, nobody is going to watch through this video to understand you. I can barely do it myself, and this is a subject I'm really into as it applies to me.
ADHD Doesn’t exist 🤷🏾♂️
@@abstractproductionz5734 Why do you think that? We can scan brains and see brains with ADHD are different from brains without it.
There was this one person in the comments who asked something like, “Why do I gravitate towards people who have ADHD, even if I don’t know they have a condition (or even haven’t been diagnosed yet?” My immediate thought after that was *”Stand users attract to other stand users.”*
Birds of a feather flock together
😂😂😂
Talking about ADHD and increased risk of suicidal ideation and tendency, and the chat says, "too distracted to go through with it though".
Sometimes HealthyGamerGG's chat is the best form of comedy.
Class clown part hit hard; I always wondered why I would blurt out jokes or interrupt the teachers in high school, and when I think about it now, it was just a way to integrate my impulsivity into something that was the least likely to get me in trouble/ draw negative attention. I knew if I made the teacher smile or crack up laughing they wouldn’t get me in trouble for that impulsivity as long as it didn’t distract from the class too much/ actually got people more engaged.
Yeah school ruins most kids because of boredom - it makes us hate learning. But with adhd you’re even more suited to a wildly different environment, so the ways you’d normally cope are then punished. You become a shell of your former self.
Same bro, same.
Ooof. Reading that comment made me realize that yeah, I'm the dumbass in the class that keeps blurting out stuff. I'm glad to be studying thing that I have interest in, but I do feel that I'm bit rude when I pipe in occasionally when I feel like I might know something valuable. Or funny. But man it's hard to deal with that.
To me, it makes sense that depression (and anxiety) decrease when ADHD is treated. As an adult who was only diagnosed in my mid-40's but who has clearly been ADHD all my life...undiagnosed and untreated ADHD is brutal, because all the behaviors that are associated with ADHD are attributed to character flaws. So, you grow up being told that you're not living up to expectations, that if you just applied yourself...., that the reason you're not achieving is that you're (fill in the blank, often, lazy, careless, rude, late, disorganized, distracted, etc). And honestly, as a child especially...but as an adult sometimes too, you end up with a negative consequence for something you didn't even know was happening/due/required, etc.
Being diagnosed, and learning about the biology of ADHD, and then working with professionals to create structures that support our deficits. But honestly, just the knowledge that I'm not (all the adjectives describing the character flaws that were used to describe me for so long), that's huge. So, with all that, treating ADHD, feeling that you have a shot of directing ones own brain instead of being drug around by it. Yeah, depression and anxiety decreases greatly :)
Edited to add: First I need to laugh. I wrote this in the first third of the video (not surprisingly I didn't listen to the whole thing before commenting). But I also wanted to say that yes, getting into treatment, even as an old lady, has made an amazing difference. So, yeah, getting professional help is key.
It will never stop killing me that society demands that people with mental disabilities change themselves to accommodate everyone else, while we require the rest of the world to change to accommodate physical disabilities. A hell of a double-standard.
Yeah it is absolutely unreal to me how i could even walk straight without my current medication, because of that I'm very thankful, no matter how this ends
It is so awful to go undiagnosed and not really understandinv about it until my 50's.
This is exactly my story too, diagnosed at 40. Also I’m responding to your comment before I’ve watched the video 😂
I am a third in of this lecture and it is so much heavier than I thought. I honestly wish I was diagnosed earlier than by 26. Girls with adhd and inattentive type boys slip through the cracks way to much. Teachers and parents really need more education on this so future generations don't have to suffer as much as we did.
I had teachers in school asking me why i even bothered to come if I wasnt going to do anything. Just because when i saw any of the work they gave me my brain would be overloaded and overwhelmed and i would just have my attention drawn elsewhere like my phone during class. My ability to pay attention due to lack of sleep and just in general was low
This is my first semester in university since being diagnosed and treated for my ADHD. I'm 27 still trying to graduate with my Bachelor's degree in Psych. Learning more about ADHD has been so healing and enlightening for me. I'm also in grief, trying to move forward in my life despite having to go so long without access to the care I always needed.
Hi! How's it going? I'm struggling a lot through college as well. ASD/ADHD super combo. It's real fun.
The worst is the unreliability. People don't believe me when I tell them "I can't do this. I need many more weeks. I will NOT be able to do this." Cue surprised pikachu face when I can't, and stressed shame on my part because I can't deliver.
It's like because I'm verbal and aware of my deficits, they just don't compute that there are these barriers. They think I'm pessimistic. Meanwhile I have years of data on what I can and can't do. Trying to push it to normal timelines just makes me super stressed and even less likely to do it.
Also suprised pikachu face when I wave around my disability accomodation card, because I don't look disabled...
@@Olivia-W if you're not a white little boy, good luck with others validating your disabilities. 🙏
"They got bullied unless they were a class clown"
I got bullied BECAUSE I was a class clown. When I started to try and be "normal" instead I made a ton of friends.
It taught me that being the center of attention is bad, and now I tank interviews due to anxiety because the spotlight feels like I'm going to be attacked.
This was my experience as well. I wonder if this is part of why adhd manifests differently in boys vs girls. Boys are socialized to take up space, while girls are socialized to be small and quiet... So as a girl, if you get bullied or punished for being too loud, then you learn to shut up or else. I think this would also likely contributes to the underdiagnosis of girls and women vs boys and men.
@@lilymulligan8180 this sounds like the thousand year old stereotype of femininity and masculinity
@@ileryon4019 and yet it's true. Being a class clown helped me way more than being quiet.
Yeah .. i hated being in the spot light it always came to me with trouble
@King Pistachion bruh the fuck you mean
I’m at around the 2 minute mark and he’s said that I am not screwed. On the surface I can say I trust him but really I cannot. Having ADHD makes me so intrinsically believe that I cannot do things that other people can that I find myself having such a futile mindset that I find I opt to do nothing at all than to try and inevitably disappoint.
Have you seen a psychiatrist and taking some sort of medication?
I feel you bro just went to see a psychiatrist with my dad instead we got a cockeyed senile nurse who has no knowledge about ADHD. She proceeded to tell me that I was using ADHD as an excuse etc and my concentration couldnt be as bad as the summary I gave her before listening to me and understanding my background. Im in my final exam year and the course I want to do is one of the hardest to get. Ive tried my best and Ive lost any motivation left in my body. I've been told by Family, Friends and Psychologists everything will be ok Im going to get help and all this shit yet not one thing has been fixed in my life but im still trying my best even if it feels like im not going anywhere.
@@Jacked_R_Us get a second opinion, a nurse is not qualified to assess you. At worst you need a psychologist and at best a a psychiatrist. Keep pushing, you’ll get there. Uneducated people without ADHD will never understand what it’s like. “Just focus, just slow down, just try harder” - none of this is constructive advice. You have a literal deficiency in neurochemicals, it’s like telling someone who’s lost their leg to just run faster - you need a new leg bro.
You aren't screwed. It just might take you a few extra tries. I'm 26 and by every measure very successful. But people don't see i nearly failed out of college. I've had around 30 different jobs in the 10 years i've been working, and have had to overcome a number of hurdles that i don't even know typical people don't run into. You keep going and take each failure as a learning moment and take steps to prevent it.
@@Jacked_R_Us you said you aim for a hard course so im going to assume youre smart. Best thing to do is to ask your parents/family to enforce a strict schedule on you and to form that into a military-like routine.
Make them demand of you that you clean your shit up: no clothes on the floor, wiped desk, dishes are washed, papers are in a neat stack, clothes are all folded in the closet etc. Everything needs to be done at a specific time, day in day out. Assign time for study and workout and ask them to monitor you to make sure you do it. If youre bored with nothing to do? go do a workout. You cant focus on your study? Go do a workout.
Its all about structure and routine and keeping an organised workspace, if your surroundings are organised, then that will reflect on your mind aswell.
You can ofcourse also take medication to help yourself start, as i found it helps with motivation to do general housework. If you still have difficulty finding motivation do do this, then you can let them help you with the tasks themselves. But dont forget that the end-goal is that you do this yourself.
You can also use music to help you focus, as i find the some background noise/music helps me focus aswell. For things like cooking, try listening to podcasts or course lectures. Although you wont be able to take notes during this time, listening to lectures/podcasts that you want to learn or are just generally interested in will help you distract your mind and enable you to do boring tasks that would otherwise be impossible to focus on.
Now, asking friends/family to assist in this can be a tall order and whoever you choose to help you will need to be decently organised themselves for you to rely on them. But if you can manage to build yourself a strict routine that encompasses all menial housework and hygiene tasks, then i can promise you that your mental health and general chaotic nature will improve a lot. So long as you keep up the routine that is.
When I was going through puberty, I started experiencing depression. I remember on one occasion when I was 15 years old, my mother was having a conversation with my psychiatrist. I don't remember the conversation except for the one line that still reverberates through my brain--
"Well I've always thought he has ADHD."
And that was the last and only time my mom discussed me and ADHD in the same sentence--at least in front of me.
As a 32 year old adult, I think back and wonder--how fucked up was that? My mother thought I had a problem and never thought to get me in to see a specialist! I don't know if she was just in denial--if there was a stigma about ADHD in the early 2000s that she couldn't come to terms with. "Not MY son" kind of stuff.
I can't help but wonder if I'd been treated for ADHD then if there'd have been a marked improvement in my depression as well.
I manage my depression and (suspected) ADHD alright today through a mix of diet, exercise, and trying my hardest to goal-set and meet those goals, but man--as winter makes the days shorter, the nights longer, and the weather colder, it gets really hard to balance all of those things.
This talk gives the courage to go in and find out for myself if I have ADHD and what I can reasonably do to manage it.
Thanks, doc.
I just turned 30 and my story sounds similar to yours
A counselor once said to me,” how can you have ADD? You have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. That makes no sense.” He made me feel so stupid, but deep down I knew I have both! Thank you for what you do!
Same
A lot of this hit really close to home. It's amazing how overly sensitive I was as a child and how I systematically numbed myself to almost everything. I have a very good enough is good enough mentality, haven't cried since i was 13 (I'm 34 now).
Also I didn't know talking in a conversation and bringing up things that other people feel is irrelevant is part of ADHD. My brain makes 3 or 4 thoughts in half a second and it feels relevant to me. But noone else knows how I got from A to E.
In class, if I didn’t get my work done quickly I wouldn’t do it at all. I had a lot of free time to let my thoughts go but I was screwed the moment I ran into timed activities/group projects
Honestly for a long time, I look at assignments and tend to put them aside if I felt they were too tedious for me or would take too long, entering high school screwed me over because of that
@@jollyjol yeah I'm trying but its hard
Yup - and we get called impatient instead of efficient
Holy shit finally something I can relate too with adhd
If you have ADHD, you _are_ depressed. ADHD is caused by poor dopamine control -- the brain can't properly reward itself with a zing of dopamine when completing a task, resulting in a severely reduced ability to make yourself pay attention to things that aren't _intrinsically_ interesting to you -- and that poor dopamine control causes some of the neural circuits in your brain to be underactive. Underactive neurons is _the neurological definition_ of depression -- it's most commonly used to describe underactive _serotonergic_ neurons, but depression can affect any neurons. The emotional experience also called "depression" may or may not occur, because emotional experiences are vastly more complex than the biological functioning of neurons.
1:29:00 As someone with ADHD who finds hiking to be one of the very few activities I can feel totally content while doing, this explanation always resonates so much. Though I don’t like hiking the same place more than once (typical). Even before I knew I had ADHD I’d always had this fantasy of being an “explorer” or some nomadic person back in the day haha
Yesterday for one of my education courses, I wrote about how to work with kids who have ADHD, as I was diagnosed with it when I was 4. Something sad is that having ADHD is often paired with depression and anxiety, especially those who are undiagnosed. Thank you so much for shedding more light on this 💙
The anxiety one i think is because we get so stuck in our head ruminating about every future possibility more so than other people.
And after learning through Dr K that anxiety always resides in the future, it was easy to see how anxiety is amplified in people with ADHD
I have Aspergers, ADHD Inattentive, Anxiety and Depression and RSD
My form of ADHD makes it so that I literally can't stop thinking. From the second my brain turns on in the morning 'till it's off when I go to sleep, I can't stop thinking, I haven't had silence my whole life, and sometimes I even forget what I'm talking about in mid sentence. And only found out last week I have ADHD (dunno why my family decided to wait 'till I'm 28 to tell me, or why I never figured it out myself), but I've also been very suicidal for the last few years. This vid hit too hard, and I can definitely see the link between the two..
Being a writer with ADHD suckssss, I get what you mean by never having silence in your head and what I struggle with most is writing out my thoughts. By the time I finish an essay, I've jumped on like 60 tangents and when I reread my stuff I think: "What the hell was I doing??"
bruh ur brain was made to think lmao
OMG literally the same situation. Sorry we had to be screwed for so long.
@@xiuhwho I used to write poetry/rap lyrics, still do once in a while, and my brain is the same. I remember trying to go to bed usually sucked during the few years I was really into it because id feel myself falling asleep and a really good idea would come into my head. I would try to convince myself that I would remember it in the morning but would always then tell myself, c'mon man, you know you wont lol. This was in my mid 20s,ill be 36 in a few months, diagnosed right before turning 35.
My mind is always going, even when people think I'm being a space head. Its like, NO, I'm just thinking about some random thing that you would not be interested in talking about, and I pretty much didn't listen to anything you said lol
have u tried cardiovascular heavy exercising like cycling ,swiming,running,... ? Could help temporary or at least ease the constant flow of thoughts on overall tension idk
"Depression is the price we pay for the evolutionary advantage of self awareness."
And this concludes why we should return to monkey.
@@aeiou1738 Reject Humanity, Return to Monke. Aouugghhhhhhh!
I often wish I had that ignorant bliss thing instead of all this damning self awareness
"Sometimes I think
That the only way to have peace of mind
Is to have less mind" ~ from a poem I wrote in my 20s @@kikim6116
Basically bro smh
I think most people here can understand how relived and grieved I am at the same time to finally be able, at 55, to understand why I've been depressed almost my entire life. It's like watching the movie of all the things I've done because of ADHD, all the coping and masking and hiding. At this stage, the beginning of my acute awareness of having ADHD, I'm completely overwhelmed. But, for the first time in my life I actually see a way through, a horizon. To all of you, all the best 😢💖
I like how HealthyGamerGG touched on the relationship between genetics and environment here and explained that genes don't act on their own; they need environments to activate them. Thinking genetics = destiny is a hurdle I had to jump over when I was studying it. I like to think of genes as buttons that the environment has to press, or a trigger that the environment is supposed to pull.
It's interesting that you praise artists for being able to express these things through their art, but without people like you who have done the vast studying on the subject, some people would never learn about the MEANING behind the art. You do wonderful work and I for one appreciate you immensely.
It's sad that it has become a trending disorder. People rarely understand how painful of a disorder it can be. In Finland, people often mainly talk about how it is some kind form of richness. For some individuals, this is true, but there are also those of us who just suffer from it. In the worst case, it can make you desire an early death. I already feel brain dead because of it.
I myself often consider suicide quite seriously because, honestly, I don't see life as worth living with my 24/7 symptoms. I can't enjoy things or concentrate on anything, just feeling irritable and super tired all the time. Before anyone starts to tell me about a healthy lifestyle, I need to tell you that I eat healthy, workout six days a week, and do cardio. Honestly, it helps very little with my symptoms, but it has kept me alive the last few years by raising my mood momentarily.
I have tried almost everything to relieve my symptoms, but sadly I'm just starting to feel like it's a lost battle. I'm constantly asking myself why I should fight against my symptoms 24/7 to live a miserable and unhappy life and top it off, consume this planet. I'm just hoping I could get a brain tumor diagnosis that would explain my symptoms better, and then it's either ending my pain by early death or a cure. I've had enough of my symptoms, and sadly my road is coming to a dead-end. I hate myself and my dysfunctional brain so, so much. Fuck you ADHD.
this hits hard man, im kinda glad its getting a trending disorder tho, because maybe, just maybe, one day people will understand the pain of a neuroatypical and maybe, just maybe, the world will be a much better place for people with ADHD and autism
@@GucciHeisDead022 Yeah actually I might thought that from only one perspective like how people are starting to say stuff something like this ''everyone has adhd nowadays, you are just lazy mf'' or ''just go to dopamine detox bro''. But yeah let's hope the best!
Also in last few years studying has become significantly harder for me due to digitalization and poorly organized studying websites :(
Maybe look into Zoloft
I'm starting to feel this way. On one hand finally having a diagnosis and explanation lifted a big weight off me, on the other it's damning because I realize it's only getting more difficult to be a functioning member of society.
My sense of humor and scouring the internet for things that make me laugh and cute videos of dogs has got me this far but sometimes just having someone listen to me vent helps me tremendously. If you ever want to chat, internet stranger, I'm here and so is this tribe.
Stay. Also, Adderall helps, having a job where you meet and interact with many different people helps, like driving.
Also, we need each other.
“… you can escape the destiny that negative genetics will offer you.”
I can’t quite describe how timely it was to hear that today. I really really needed this kind of clarity and hope today, so thank you so much.
This year I started taking Focalin and an antidepressant. I've been coping with depression and ADHD all my life. My life has become so much better this year. I started to succeed so much further in life. I went from struggling to land internships to being the HEAD of finance and accounting for a freaking real estate investment company! I'm so glad I accepted the fact that I need help and did something about it.
You went from looking for an internship to being head of finance and accounting in less than a year? Yeh nahh
@@mmmmmmmmmmm10 you can do amazing things on the dope.
@@porkerpete7722 I am hoping the dope gives me such results now lol
Damn the synchronicity here is astounding. I NEEDED this, RIGHT NOW more than literally every before in my life. Thank you, Dr K. You and your team are SERIOUSLY and POSITIVELY affecting people out there. Your K:D ratio but for helping people is getting close to legendary.
This video is going to be one of those multi-million view ADHD lectures that we all link to everyone over the years when they 'come out' with their new diagnoses due to how much it helped us understand what's going on.
Wow, that tub of ice cream reasoning is basically what I experience in my head CONSTANTLY.
Thought enters: I wish I could do X, but X is bad for me (Health, relationships, being a functional adult, w/e)
Next thought: But you feel so bad right now. Feeling bad is also bad for your (All that stuff), right?
Me, talking between my thoughts: Yes... but I don't think that I should just give in?
ADHD Demon, now forming: Sure, but think about how much willpower you had ALL DAY! You didn't blow up when you were angry at your boss! You didn't make your food supersize! You didn't wander off at work for almost 2 straight hours in a row! You deserve a reward! And you won't be able to control all of your behavior tomorrow if you don't have something to look forward to as the reward, you know that!
Me: Hmm, yea you do have a point. I don't think I'm going to get through tomorrow without some kind of outburst if I don't fill up the dopemine/happiness meter now. Ok, yes, I WILL eat some of this ice cream.
ADHD Demon, 20 mins later: KEEP EATING! YOU'RE STILL NOT FEELING HAPPY AND POSITIVE LIKE THE ARTICLES SAY YOU HAVE TO! FEEEEEEED!
Me, a full on colonized 350lb body with someone/thing else controlling me: Ok. It's not like a little more ice cream is going to be the difference between someone calling me fat or not... If I'm going to be sad and crying anyway, what's the point of keeping a long life, or relationships, or being an adult? But the point of ice cream and hamburgers are ALWAYS valid!
Etc, forever. And then I go around calling myself a highly logical person, lol... -__-
(Maybe because I feel so bad and over-correct about my constant failure to regulate my emotional decisions when alone, eh? Just a theory I've had about myself for quite some time, before my ADHD diagnoses 2 years ago @ 30yrs old. I often wonder about other gamers having this dynamic. I always tell my wife that I have some kind of hang-up where emotions are not OK for me to have around other people, only to myself. And now... 80% of the time... her as well.)
WOOOOOW Got to the shame part. This was a BIG part of admitting to myself I needed help. When I watched YT videos about shame and what shame "ACTUALLY" is. Feeling like YOU are a problem by existing.
I was told at a young age (I think ~8? or 10?) to "stop overreacting to everything" by my family since I was annoying them. Ever since then, I made it a huge priority to control myself.
~20 years later I found out that that internal suppression I constantly do, in order to not be constantly annoying and horrible to everyone around me, causes a LOT Of shadow behavior...
My parents are not bad people. But I strongly theorize my dad has undiagnosed (And will never address it) ADHD. I think he, probably accidentally, taught me his strategy to dealing with it, which is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS "buckle down" and control myself twice as hard. "Just push through" was his normal advice. "She just needs to buckle down and focus more" is what he says about his ADHD having sister whose child is actually diagnosed. I haven't told my parents. Not directly at least. I worry that he'll blame himself for my mental issues. I worry that.... he's not 100% wrong. But I love him anyway. We all have challenges and we can't handle every single one exactly perfectly. Perfect is not an actually real achievable standard, anyway.
I think he specialized in Suppression and that turned into avoidance in (highly introverted) me. I don't think I was ever demonstrated reappraisal (By family or in education or anything) at any point in my life until the last ~5 yrs.
Couldn’t agree more with the synchronicity. I feel like I’ve been falling into psychosis, and I needed to hear this
@@Demon7899 Me too, dude. It’s been rough out here. Just hold on for now and take care of yourself.
@@shan8130 this is definitely one of the harder days. i needed this more than you know. thank you ❤️
My husband’s really struggling at 27, I’ve been seeing for awhile he’s very depressed and your videos are so informative, I’m grateful for your content
I wish my wife would see it with the same compassion.
@@sunstirade1085 i wish my gf would do, we're on the edge of breakup because of this
Why are youtubers in these topics so clear and informative compared to actual professionals in the real world. None of the many "professionals" I've seen have never explained things as clearly overs years compared to this one youtube video. Do all the good people just chose youtube over in person therapy? I'm so sick of wasting time and money why can't we just find someone as good as this?
I believe that my kind of brain would have thrived in a hunter gatherer like environment. Nothing ever satisfies me. I want constant new stimulation. I believe the depression I get is directly related to the fact that current societal systems constrict people like me a lot.
True
yup
Yep
Yuuuup.
You'd be great in the military or many things that need people to step up...Seriously. I could use your help too lol. Unless you're talking about dopamine and getting bored easily / you're not willing to work hard and or you're not creative. Because I have ADD and I'm never bored, my brain doesn't shutup, and even when I'm depressed it won't stop, even when I sleep my dreams are so intense / I lucid dream nearly every night , despite getting drunk and taking sleeping pills, too ! I really don't think it's common, but it took me 30 years to realise that most people ca nnot dream vividly, let alone lucid dream, and remember them even years later....
Ok tangent over lol, I always do that... :/... but yeah , mate I think you're just in a very unchalllenging environment where you personally don't have to struggle .... because there's loads of things you could do and should do, where you could harness that.... Unless you are just trying to tell yourself you aren't lazy and are in denial lol... :p seriously. I can't relate to your comment at all.... people still hunter gather and or live on the edge , or whatever you think would " work " for you. Soooooo, what's the problem exactly ? It sounds like you're lucky if anything. and you're just choosing not to actually help others , and it's also , according to you... not helping you either.. like I said there's many jobs that seriously need people and the war with China has started so yeah, um there's a **** load of things you could do. And hunter gatherer doesn't really explain it at all... what are you talking about ? People still do hunt and gather. ... no one is RESTRICTING you from anything. That victim mentality is your real problem and the comment you made is self explanatory! Oh the irony ! 😅 hahaha.
You're welcome for my insight.. ;p I just solved your own imaginary problem just by reading your own words. :) "it's everyone else's fault" what does that have to do with hunter gatherers? And in what sense ? Its just more of your excuses as is demonstrated in you literally saying "it's society" as if there's not other societies and cultures and countries you can live in. I'm Aussie and I feel I have too many problems, not "not enough". What are you even talking about? Lol.... wanna trade? Good God, frustrating... hopefully I got you thinking anyway (if you're able to self defect, that is 😅 I can't tell .. but I hope things change for you and you work out your .. issues... I am too.. only mine are from too much stress and too much on me and not enough support and from serious abuse etc... not from, um.. being bored.....🙄🙄🤦♀️👍
Diagnosed with ADHD 6 months ago and can confirm that psychiatrists will go after the depression and anxiety first even though the ADHD often times exists first and causes the other two. I was undiagnosed until age 26 because of blind spots in our mental health cared. Almost died at 21 too. Suicide statistics regarding ADHd unfortunately are very true. Word of advice, if you have ADHD, invest time into understanding yourself and don't rely on the external world to understand or "get" you. If anything, trust other people with ADHD or clinicians with the specialty before listening to outside advice. My experience with psychiatrists has been trash quite frankly. They are out of their element when it comes to ADHD. Psychiatry is outdated as Dr K touches on because of how slow moving it is.
So true.
These EXACT events happened to me. Even the age you got diagnosed at. So frustrating to have seen a psychiatrist that did not look into the conditions under which my depression came about. Just saw the depression and immediately tried to medicate it. I was in college and struggling to keep up with the workload despite being a decently smart kid. I’m now trying to get adhd coaching and work with a psychotherapist to tease out and heal from the damage not having a diagnosis has done. Appreciate u sharing your story, makes me feel less alone!
I suffered ADHD, Depression and mental disorder for over 24 years. It's just amazing how psilocybin mushrooms treatment actually saved my life. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
I've been looking to try shrooms, it's just very difficult to get a reliable source here in wales. Really need!
I've done microdosing for help and it works does cut depression out it's been the best remedy I've ever had.
Yes very sure of Dr.benshrooms.
they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize. they could solve a lot of problems, more than just mental treatments, environmental clean up; the possibilities are endless with fungus.
Yes he's Dr.benshrooms.Lsd and psilocybin are amazing teachers along its dmt mah dudes have safe trips all. Shrooms are blessings from nature.
Every time I think I figured out how ADHD works, it suddenly gets so much more complicated. I feel like I’m trying to fit into a circle shaped hole as a rectangle, and talking to people feels impossible. I’m getting better tho, and although I may be reclusive, I can still hold a conversation and have a good time. I hope everyone who has severe ADHD gets the treatment they deserve because this disorder is life changing.
I knew about my depression before my ADHD. Being female and so "calm and collected" I was diagnosed several years after being on medication for BPD which also had off label benefits for ADHD. My depressive relapses we're finally recognized by my primary as spikes in ADHD when whatever environmental factors wore me down and I couldn't self regulate as well. I was trying to self soothe depression "relapses" which was actually symptoms of either under or overstimulation and constantly alternated between existential boredom and feeling overwhelmed but overall didn't feel depressed. It was incredibly confusing to feel like something was wrong and everything was fine at the same time.
He fellow misdiagnosed BPD. me too I was diagnosed BPD till I self-diagnosed ADHD then got convinced by PSYCHIATRIST because BPD meds has some relief. Then one day I got to my first psychiatrist and he said I just diagnosed depression not BPD. and agree to ADHD
Existential boredom is the definition of my life with ADHD lol.
I was misdiagnosed as bipolar until I was 40. I figured it out because of family history but mainly because of seeing a great psychologist for years before I was correctly diagnosed that just happened use a lot of existential therapy along with the other more well known methods. I was seeing him for the ptsd that was a correct diagnosis as well.
I've also found with myself who while not officially diagnosed does have symptoms of adhd, also likely to have highly addictive personality traits. Untreated ADHD was one of the things that led me to porn addiction that after so many years, am finally starting to break
are we same person? i can copy paste this and it will still be my original thought.
Same here! I always used to say “I have an addictive personality” until I learned what I really had was ADHD. turns out 20% of people with ADHD also have a substance addiction. That’s not even counting any other kind of addiction like pornography or gambling. And people with ADHD are 300% more likely to develop a substance abuse problem when compared to neurotypical people. I guess it has to do with a combination of impulsivity, how our brains respond to stimuli and our constant need for stimulation, and self medication for depression and undiagnosed or untreated ADHD. Kind of the perfect storm for addiction. Great news is that people with ADHD can actually break habits easier than people without it. So while it’s easier for us to become addicted, it’s also more possible for us to overcome the addiction. Not easy by any means. Breaking addiction will still take years, possibly a lifetime of work. But possible.
I like the Kefka picture
@@josiel5044 oh I didn’t even notice. I too appreciate the Kefka picture.
@ Josiel
LMAO
Everyone: We’re dealing with ADHD one step at a time.
Josiel: *Kefla.*
I was diagnosed at age 27 (today I'm 35) and I've been developing a better understanding of how ADHD has affected my life path. This video is probably the best resource I've found yet. Dr. K is changing the world in such a positive way. Keep it up! There are so many people out there that need this kind of support.
Yep... That thing about people with ADHD think that they're unlikeable,wow just relatable,hits home Doc... 😭
Can confirm. XD Trust me though keep on going no matter what. Your brain heals back so much stronger. However I recommend looking into the side effects of isolation like I had gone through/made happen. It turns you cynical, untrusting and sociopathic. I'm healing these issues now but it's a long struggle.
omg doc, you had me crying through this. Im about to turn 30 and I've been living like this for like 15yrs, I was on medication for a long time during school for ADD to help with memory and focus but no one ever mentioned to me that I was like 50-70% more likely to be depressed and however many more times for suicide and suicidal thoughts. I left like everything in this video was literially my life being talked about, dont get me wrong ive had ups and downs the last 15yrs but theres always this stuff in the background. Now I just need to be proactive and fix myself and learn more about my conditons instead of just living with them and ignoring them. When I'm not broke again I will donate to you doc.
I hope you’re well!
This channel has been such a game changer for me, I’m learning so much about myself and the world around me. I’m 40, and was just diagnosed with ADHD and complex PTSD on August 2nd of this year. I’m relieved to finally have a name for things I’ve experienced my whole life. But also grieving the life I could have had if I had know sooner. Since my first appointment I have been doing a ton of research and your channel is EVERYTHING!! Good work, here’s a virtual pat on the back! 😊 Thank you.
I have suspected adhd or autism (getting tested in January). I remember starting to get quite anxious and depressed at 10 years old, although I would get incredibly frustrated and have meltdowns as a child, and by 14 I had tried to commit suicide twice. The first time, they said I had mild generalised anxiety and mild depression, and they didn't even consider medication or a formal diagnosis. I couldn't believe it, and I remember being so overwhelmed by being a month behind school because I had attempted suicide, and the psychologists hadn't even cared that I had, so I attempted again. I had a really strict mother who wanted me to have straight A's in pre AP and AP classes, while also doing heaps of volunteering and extra curricular. She was always saying "you're so smart, you can do batter, you need to get into college on a full scholarship because I can't afford it, you just dont work hard enough and you're so disorganised". I remember the pressure of trying to keep up academically and socially.... it drove me to attempt suicide. I would wake up at 4am with anxiety and the need to spend hours doing my hair and makeup so I blended in with other girls at school. When I would get home, I would barely be able to leave my room, and most days I would take a nap for a few hours before frequently staying up to 11-12 to study, only to wake back up again at 4am. When I would get in the car i would start crying and sometimes even smack my head against the dashboard because all the distress i had been bottling up all day from being bullied and masking would rush out of me in this tsunami of emotion. I'm permanently burned out and have never had the drive to do anything since. It completely ruined my passion for anything. I used to love learning in school before it became extremely competitive and more complex in high school.
After my second attempt they basically threatened to diagnose me with BPD (as a 14 year old) if I "didn't get my act together" because I had talked about my mood fluctuations, inabibilty to control my emotions, and the waves of emotions that would infect every bit of my body that would drive me to do or say inappropriate things. I'm also ridiculously impulsive and often say things without even considering how it might come across, and it's mainly misconstrued as me being rude.
When I was 17, they then tried to diagnose me with bipolar, so they put me on 200mg of seroquel, and it made me feel like I didnt exist. I slept 18 hours a day. At this point i had dropped out of high school and I was drinking excessively almost everyday. I eventually gave up getting help because I was always told that I was either fine, or I had a severe mental illness that I knew I didn't have.
I'm 23 now and I have literally nothing to be proud of, despite being top of my class my entire childhood,having a high IQ, talent in art, creative writing and even music... My parents even took me to a child psychological evaluator that tests intelligence and they said I was "brilliant". I was always told I could do anything I wanted. The disappointment and shame I feel for ruining my body and mind from self medicating from a young age is almost unbearable at times. I'm separated from my family by long distances, and I only have one friend, and an amazing partner. Everything else in my life is fucked because no one bothered to think I could have autism/adhd because I'm an intelligent woman :")
Sometimes I think back to 14 year old me begging for these doctors to help me and just being completely shut down, or not listened to at all because I struggled communicating what I actually felt. It was traumatizing, and I can't help but think of all the pain that I wouldn't have had to experience if someone had just taken the time to try and understand what I was attempting to communicate 💔
I'm hoping a proper diagnosis and treatment will put me on the path to a batter life.
Sorry :(. Yea. With “high functioning” autism there is a sub-type of executive-dysfunction called “inertia” that overlaps with adhd. Its exactly what the word would indicate. You have a hard time getting started on things, but also once you get going with something you do enjoy its devastating to be dragged away. You may also have a hard time with sleep, not due to anxiety but, due to getting dragged down rabbit holes and just not wanting to sleep. It really aught to be its own diagnosis, but the end result is pretty much the same as adhd. You feel bored and impatient a lot, procrastinate, and doing chores is like pulling your own teeth. Don’t know if any of this rings a bell, but since you mentioned autism I thought I would share. I’m in my 40s and life is still overwhelming and even agonizing for me.
@@marshallsweatherhiking1820 Haha I recognize myself very well in this. I'm a master at procrastinating but once deadline pressure comes onto me, I become ultra-focused and can pull efficient work through the night until morning. And interrupting me when I'm in the "zone" is also one of the only ways to make me genuinely angry (in the most animalistic form, like verbally aggressive, insulting, and could physically push people if I was not already bothered by other stuff), also applies to bugged/non-responsive/unintuitive softwares that don't do the obvious thing I want to be done.
My sleep schedule is a pure mess, I try to maximize the time awake at night, then to maximize my sleep time in the morning. Since there is a deadline to wake up (get to my workplace) but none to go to bed, I don't sleep as much as I should. When it's the holidays, no deadline to wake up so I go to bed at 4am and wake up at 2 or 3pm, and basically waste my entire day doing nothing, reloading CZcams homepage forever hoping for some 1h long interview or conference on a subject I like to pop up in my recommandations so that I can listen to it while playing a videogame (I find it more and more difficult to actually play a videogame without a podcast to hear on the side...)
I try to "optimize" my "actions" in my life. Which basically means I don't do chores until I get in the mood (rarely happens) or social obligations (gotta clean my flat if I may end up receiving people there). I buy some vegetables and stuff, but I always wait until I've already eaten all of my freezed/canned food to cook, because cooking is a waste of time. So I keep my food at the bare minimum and go to grocery often, to force myself to cook. Even then, it's common to skip dinner just because I'm too lazy to cook, or sometimes I wanted to cook and time just flew and it's midnight already. Here ! I'm writing this comment, it's past midnight, I didn't eat and I need to take a shower.
I can't bring myself to manage my money. And filling administrative paperwork gives me intense, physical anxiety, like I feel a heavy weight on my chest, my mind goes painfully blank and it's more uncomfortable than to keep my breath underwater. Too bad I'm French, and France loves the administrative bullshit...
I don't know if I have ADHD, but I'm quite sure my life is a pure mess lol (not very funny in fact). Didn't mention my social difficulties, which made me think I was autistic to some degree, at some point, but in the end I don't find it hard to read subtext, 2nd degree humor, and people's intentions (unless it's about me, then it's always naively self deprecatory), and have no other autistic symptom so I guess if it had to be something it would be adhd. Or I'm just a lazy looser trying to find another excuse to explain why I didn't do shit for 3 years straight into my PhD.
Avoidance and suppression are my biggest problems, beautifully explained oof
I can't reappraise at all lmfao
Something a former boss I respect a lot told me that continues to provide value and insight into my life, be it the inward journey or seeing our news/political systems through its lens,
“Reframe the narrative. He who controls the narrative controls the outcome.”
When applied inwardly, to the moment, or to our own past experiences this reframing is the reappraisal Dr K spoke about. The thing is, our thoughts create our internal dialogue/self-narrative and you just did it in your comment by saying, “I can’t reappraise at all” so you can do it!
Like Dr K said, awareness will get you about half way there with more work to be done but hey it’s a start! Hope sharing these words helps you on your journey Moe 😁
@@morimora5730 thanks for the kind words! ❤
Same. I think once I stop avoiding, I will take on and solve my other problems like being academically a bit slow etc.
For me it is easy to reappraise others peoples narrative perfectly but I struggle with my own and get unsecure and re-reappraise it back to an unhealthy narrative.
I recently started a YT course with another therapist/coach that is called emotion regulation and in one of her videos she says that if you have only the following three strategies you'll probably get in trouble :
-suppressing
-eating something
-talking to s.o. about it
And I thought damn talking to someone is already my advanced strategy, I haven't mastered yet. So I'll do the course. She is called therapy in a nutshell.
@@morimora5730 nice name
This resonated with me so much. I’ve known about my diagnosis since my senior year of high school but I still learn new things about myself and this disorder everyday. Just seeing it broken down like this makes you feel so seen and understood and validated.
My depression symptoms went away when I was diagnosed with ADHD and understood what it does. I was very frustrated with myself by not being able to do basic tasks and hurt people emotionally for being careless. It's really hard when you try to do life by the book, but in the end it just wont workout for ADHD people. But now that I know the reason behind the way I am, I try to improve myself, but also I also respect my limitations and don't let it push me down.
I feel like Dr. K is using his intuition skills that he uses in interviews but in a meta way to determine what we as a community are struggling with and making videos accordingly.
Or..... he’s spent years studying thousands of individual cases, and he’s not just talking out of his ass about what he thinks we could be struggling with
I feel like this is something every person with ADHD knows, but that doesn't take away the stigma around depression.
This makes a lot of sense; my father was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. He grew up in El Salvador during the civil war, he had PTSD and didn't have his parents raising him most of the time. He also was diagnosed with depression. Now I'm going through it. I can't imagine how it was for him given his environment. He's one of my biggest motivators.
this video, like many others on this channel i watched so far, are pure gold.
when i was 10 (i think) years old i was tested for adhd/add, but nothing was found. but later when i was about 11 or 12 years i could start to feel that something is off. i felt different, even tho i should have been "normal". no friends, bullying, anxiety, depression, lonelieness... i'm 32 now, female, diagnosed with a anxiety disorder. I broke down when i got 18, the pressure to be like the others was so bad.. but no matter what i did, i was "broken". i couldn't be like them...
even tho i'm not diagnosed yet, i have to have it. I can find so many parallels to my life and situations that could explain a lot i had going on back then, even today.
sorry for my long essay. those videos are amazing and i'm happy that YT recommended them to me. my best wishes go to you, and thank you.
I'm listening to the diagnostic list (around 58:00) and mine includes like 90% of the list. I have a ridiculous amount of work to do. I think avoidance of shame and loneliness may be near the top priority. Especially since one of the issues is that I avoid tons of things especially meeting new people and connecting with old friends since I'm ashamed of I turned out in life or how awkward and weird I tend to be. It all ties together.
This video’s ability to pick apart everything that’s ever gone wrong with me or about me is insane. Honestly. A bit in tears just knowing I’m not bat crap insane. Just weird
Realizing I devalue my successes and failures hit me hard. I'm so happy that I've found your channel with so so much useful information
It's really difficult to change things about yourself when you didn't even know you needed to
In regards to the apathy towards to success, I think part of it has to do with the fact that adhd minds are tailored towards short term gratification, so if the success is achieved through delayed gratification, all the emotional investment has left the adhd mind and they dont care about the outcome anymore.
w we a😅 😅w we were😂w
❤
I just want to tell anyone else who has ADHD not to feel bad about the ways it can affect you on a daily basis. I found that a lot of people don't really accept or understand that someone with ADHD can be really impulsive at times. Sometimes I can make a really poor decision in a moment of impulse and I feel like people see me as stupid at times. And I don't really feel understood because if I try to talk about it I sound like I'm making an excuse. I'm trying to take care of myself now by meditating, eating well, sleeping well, exercising, and basically rearranging my habits, but sometimes I still see it come up. Just do the best you can and try to be easy on yourself if you know you're trying.
Dr. K, this video helped me to focus while crushing a calc 3 assignment that I had no business being able to do with my focusing problems in class. I've watched many of your lectures on ADHD and I always feel empowered to work on my symptoms and habits surrounding what I believe is ADHD. I haven't seen a clinician yet because I am trying to handle it without being prescribed a supplement or stimulant. I didnt have to worry about how ADHD affects me until this semester and its been very challenging but fortunately I have not been depressed since very early this year, something I have struggled on and off with most of my life. I know I am driven to succeed and love social interaction but my brain makes it very difficult to maintain a healthy work ethic as well as maintaining strong relationships with the people I desperately want to keep in my life. I want to see a clinician soon for some professional input very soon and I someday would maybe like to do something to educate and help other college and high school kids out of these valleys and really understand their process of overcoming and using their unique brain to achieve everything they want to. Thanks for the lecture, and if anyone read this far, here's a 🍪. ✌
I think the key for me has been realizing that all of the stupid shit we've built up as a society is fucking ridiculous and that I, as an individual, with the help of medication and therapy, have the capacity to live authentically. To be clear , it took years of drug use, rehab, and therapy, and rehab, and rehab, to figure this out. Also, thank you for the content!
This stuff is so true that it hurts. I am currently going through the diagnosis process at the age of 22. Currently I am struggling. I use to struggle less, but it is getting worse. All of these things hit so close to home that it hurts.
Thank you for uploading these streams; for those of us who are unable to attend, it's so nice to have these lectures and this information permanently stored to rewatch and digest better over time.
I think part of the problem at least in UK is how LONG it takes for you to get diagnosed. Waiting lists are ages long, on average it takes YEARS to get diagnosed especially as an adult. 3-4 years in Bromley area of London. Doctors refused to accept my Polish diagnosis and therefore refused to treat me with medications so I can finally study. I have school phobia. School participated massively in my abuse. Teachers who closed their eyes whenever my classmates would hit me or make fun of me, parents who demanded I start acting like neurotypical because you ''can grow out of ADHD'' who would not only emotionally abuse me when I tried to cope with games and online friends by cutting off the internet or taking away my laptop (also, i am a digital artist so i couldn't even do my hobbies anymore). Grandmas hated me and were living too far away for me to visit them when my mother went bonkers. I had no escape route, no way to cope as my way of coping was constantly being taken away as a punishment. As an adult now everything, literally everything feels like threat and danger. I am afraid of leaving my house. University even tho I love it feels like a prison. Whenever I am on campus I am in constant state of alertness and dissociation. Everything feels far away and kind of like made out of smoke/fog. Everything is that reminder of how painful my childhood was. And now as an adult I don't have time to heal. There are responsibilities, bills to pay, work to do. I was never medicated. I don't know why. When I told my mum as an adult that I want to start taking medications for ADHD she got angry that I want to take drugs and that I will get addicted. I never smoked, I never took heavy drugs. My kryptonite is food. Sugary food especially. And it's the worst kind of addiction because you need to eat if you want to survive. So i am being constantly exposed to things I need to heal from. Hell never ends, every single day If i manage to fall asleep i think about ending my life. everytime i wake up i am disappointed it didn't all just end. I suffer from chronic pain. my entire body just hurts. a lot, all the time. Some days i can't even bend down to turn on my pc. If i try to kneel down i will need someone to help me get up. My anxiety and stress made my joints extremely painful and stiff. I constantly contract my muscles like i am afraid that i will get hurt and i need to be ready to fight.
I had history with suicide attempts in the past, some longer mental health hospital visits in the past, some self harm in the past.
Now I keep everything internally. Even my own voice, because I don't speak very much. In fact, I am learning ASL So i don't have to use my own voice ever again.
This is how lack of compassion, lack of love and support destroys you. It breaks you in half, and you cannot be ever whole again. You can use glue, or sew yourself back together but the scar, the mark will always remain. You will always remember how much evil people did to you when you only wanted to live and be happy.
I actually managed to refer myself for CBT therapy - thanks to NHS waiting time is 6 months. more or less.
I have ADHD and high functioning autism (both diagnosed by a professional when I was a child) Recently went through a break up where the partner was mentally abusive and I’ve been struggling ever since I’ve had severe bouts of depression, this video he help me with my motivation and understanding, it was recommended to me by a friend who also has ADHD and I am thankful for having this as a resource, thank you
This makes a lot of sense.
I think I now know exactly why I am the way that I am (at least in part).
A long time ago I got diagnosed with ADHD, thought nothing of it (much) and just went on basically ignoring it.
Its the joke disease kids say that they have to get Adderall.
No big deal.
Got some 'meds', barely did anything or nothing at all.
Got relentlessly bullied by my peers and on occasion even my teachers in grades K-6.
You don't exactly feel great when all the school children call you a monster, a freak, an outcast (and then you kind of believe them).
So that's exactly the role you play so that you can fit into the narrative.
If that's what I'm perceived to be, then I might as well do my part, even if I hate it.
Its all you have.
Ditched the meds and went on as 'normal', but I got extra time on tests.
Changed schools.
Had zero motivation until 9th grade.
Really only wanted to cultivate a good friend group and just hang out.
Pretty successful.
Took up some motivation to avoid getting kicked out of school and barely scraped by more often than I'd like.
Everyone told me I was smart.
It never felt that way.
I passed those classes by the skin of my teeth because I could never will myself to crack open a damn book.
How could I be smart if I cannot will myself into doing what I know must be done?
You know what to do, so just do it.
What is that behavior if not idiotic?
Never could do it (it was a miracle I could pass Calculus-Physics 1 & 2, I still don't feel like I deserved to pass).
Look around to the rest of my peers and just see more successful people than I am.
Even people that barely attend class and lay off work as much as possible.
Shouldn't I at least surpass them?
Apparently not.
College time.
Constantly feel like a rotating door of friends and acquaintances, never able to keep up with them all.
They're good people and I love being around them, I just never seem to do that.
Keep making plans with people I still contact rather often, fail to fulfill those plans... often.
Hell, how can I keep up with people if I can't keep up with conversations, can't discern when its my turn to talk?
There's no way that it is possible.
Couldn't keep a loving girlfriend because I just repeatedly and consistently dropped the ball.
So incapable to do anything correctly that you botched a perfectly good relationship that was placed into the palm of your hand just because you can't pay attention to what's going on around you.
Congrats.
You loose.
Now what security do you have on your future?
That's right. None.
I don't seem to be able to enjoy as many things as I used to, or I loose interest so frustratingly fast.
I simultaneously feel like I do nothing and am unbearably slow, but speed through life at a pace so blindingly fast that I can't stand still long enough to appreciate it.
It feels like over time I'm loosing my existing memory and ability to form new ones.
Its maddening.
And I always felt like I could talk to absolutely no one for help.
Why would I need help anyways?
I'm just a screw up with a diagnosis of the joke disease.
In what way does that make me deserving of help?
So I never asked.
I never told anyone other than my sister.
But she still has no idea how hard it is to just get by.
My parents to this day still don't know the immense struggle their son has been dealing with ever since he was 6.
To be honest, I don't think many people at all really know me.
At times even I don't feel like I know who I am.
Better stay safe and just pretend to be a person instead.
You're more socially presentable that way.
...
Only just now after this debilitating condition has ruled over my life for its grand majority, did I even really understand that it was doing this to me.
It has to change.
I can't just sit by and watch this stupid disease kill me any longer.
I'm going to see someone this Tuesday to hopefully start fixing this mess.
I can't believe its taken me this long, but enough is enough.
I'm tired of being ruined by a past I can barely piece together in my head, and constantly thwarted for any aspirations or prospects of the future.
The only place I can be right now is in the present, and the present doesn't last very long.
I just want to be able to breathe.
I'm just so tired of being a walking corpse.
There is so much validation in this lecture. I have struggled with this for most of my life and when medication didn't work for me doctors just shrugged and told me I'd have to deal with both my depression and ADHD without meds. Because of this I have struggled to define what parts of my behavior were actually me and what parts were the disorders. Now I understand a bit more about this and I hope to be able to work with again with more knowledge. Thank you so much for this!
I've become avoidant to the point that I have no close friends. I ever only talk to one of them, in a very superficial level. :(
I'm on the same boat. I just don't talk to any of my friends anymore. And I don't think I've ever had any really close friend.
Regarding adhd and depression, prior to getting diagnosed with adhd I was diagnosed with mild depression to which I was given anti-depressants. I always felt like I was different, and operated differently, in that I struggled with certain things a lot more than others, and I had no control, like something invisible was guiding my thoughts and behaviour which led to being very frustrated, which then led to my depression. So it was my adhd that caused the depression, the result of struggling with certain things and all the failures, which I had figured out myself by the way and not the doctor, I was misdiagnosed. I think that some who do suffer from both adhd ànd depression, may find that their depression is a result of the symptoms of their adhd, like unmet needs, not living up to their full potential, having to try a lot harder than 'neuro-typicals', impulsive behaviour, lacking focus and forgetfulness etc, because their depression is coming from somewhere. Anyway, that's my take on it, and what I personally experienced. And I cannot stress enough the importance of exercise as a tool amongst other things to combat both ADHD and depression, I swear by it.
Hope this helps some of you out there.
Great video by the way, thank you for sharing your expertise with us and giving us a deeper understanding of how the brain functions, and the difference in the adhd brain, particularly the amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex, I did read somewhere that the amygdala is smaller, resulting in emotional dysregulation, which could cause depression, I'm trying to be more aware of that. I also suggest and highly recommend checking out Dr Russell Barkley who has 30 or so years of experience regarding adhd.
I loved the video. One of the best and my favorites. One big thing missing is more info on how adhd manifests and impacts women vs men, starting at a young age. There is so much information on that now and would love to see it being mentioned more in the future!
I actually didn’t know that the part of the brain that lets logic and emotions interact is weaker in people with ADHD. It always frustrates me when I know an action or behavior is irrational but I can’t stop it, and now I know why. For instance, one time as a kid I saw that episode of the Twilight Zone with William Shatner, and the moment that he looks out the window and the gremlin thing is pressed right up against it really affected me for some reason. Now, over 15 years later, I still can’t bear to look outside windows at night. I know it was just a guy in a bad suit, I know there’s nothing there, but I just can’t do it no matter how irrational I know it is. That’s just one example, I have tons of behaviors like that. I’m glad to at least know the cause now.
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40, but I remember being 16 and writing in my journal that I thought something was wrong with me because my logic and emotions felt so separated
I got called a class clown so much by my father as a kid I would look in the mirror and imagine clown makeup on my face and be disgusted with the idea, but then wonder what was so wrong with me and why I was always in trouble. I think I developed such a strong sense of self-doubt and insecurity through that.
Handling so many social and behavioral issues as a kid can be incredibly depressing, because you understand things are bad but can't understand why or how to fix them.
Ugh yes! I was also a class clown though I enjoyed the role. As soon as I learned about the condition as a kid, I knew I had it. Tried to get diagnosed when I was 13 and got told I probably just had depression because my inattention score was high, but conduct disorder was low and hyperactivity on the brink. My behavioural issues got MUCH worse as I got older. Drinking, gambling, arrests, suspensions… all while I was a teenager.
My dad would SCREAM at me calling me a burden and shit because I had a team of teachers trying to help me but no one knew what was wrong. I’ll never forget one day where I was crying to myself while my dad was driving me to school bc I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed and I was late. He was screaming “why won’t you let anyone help you?! You don’t care about anyone but yourself! You’re selfish! Just tell us what’s wrong!” And I remember feeling so defeated because all I could say is “I don’t know. I just feel this way.” And he scoffed at me.
Many of us have dealt with severe abuse like this over our lifespans and having no idea why you are acting the way you do is incredibly frustrating and sad. I’m 22 and working on getting myself a diagnosis because I have such poor coping skills to deal with these deficits that I didn’t know I had until recently. Well, I knew I had them, but as is the story of my life, no one believed me and now I am riddled with worry and self doubt.
People do not understand how horrible it is to live with this condition. Whether you’re sub clinical or living with adhd on the more severe end.
Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD is this comorbid trifecta I like to call the Tryforce because of how much force it takes to try and get stuff done.
Oh thank you so much! As a Psychotherapist who sees clients with (often undiagnosed ADHD), as a person with ADD myself, and as a mom to a brilliant teenager with ADD, I find it so valuable to have this broken down and explained so succinctly.
You mention a website with suggestions, meditations, etc and also several important studies. Would you be willing to post the links for these resources?
Just recently found out about the emotional disregulation inherent in ADHD, and just knowing and being able to catch my thought process in progress and redirect it by knowing it's the ADHD has changed my every day life a lot. Currently in a queue to see an ADHD specialist to help me better understand myself and how to organize my life and manage my emotions.
What finally made you sure you had ADHD and to go see a specialist about it? Genuine question, not trying to be a jerk. For me, I've been thinking for years that I probably have ADHD but I also don't think its that but something else. I've put off seeing a professional for a long time.
@@REChronic54 in my case it took years from me seeking help to getting diagnosed
This is such an incredible wealth of knowledge, both explicit and concise. Thank you Dr. K for believing in the intellect of your community and providing us with in depth knowledge of ourselves and others.
Jesus thanks for talking abt that avoidance thing - I didn't know that was an ADHD thing, lmao. Pushed me to confront something I've been avoiding for a week, even though it took a lot of anxiety just to get it started. Appreciate it man.
ADHD is like beeing inside a glassbox and everyone outside it are able to do their goals, and they look at you and tell you that you are lazy, just do abit better and you will get out eventally. "Just focus and you can do it" . And no matter how hard you try you simply can never get out of that glass box. Theres also mud inside, which you are slowly sinking in to. It is not shocking that we are all depressed.
Society has an abusive relationship with people with ADD and its not necessarily its fault. It is made for people without it so it would make sense that we would be marginalized. (thats the first time ive ever used that word but now I understand what it means at its core) one example is society and marketing abuse our weaknesses. Games with flashy lights and instant reward are like perfect for procrastination and my short attentiion span. this is more fine for people without add but for me... it takes a lot of willpower to not be distracted by all the distractions.
I have never thought of it that way, but holy shit I needed to hear the words “marketing abuse to our weaknesses.” That really reframes how we look at purposeful deliberate distractions like that in a way that takes away any positive connotations, even though it gives us dopamine that we crave. Not all dopamine is good dopamine! Sometimes it’s used to manipulate us!
Sames and most of the time I still end up giving in too the distractions as my adhd brain craves the dopamine that video games will give too it instantly since my brain is also too impatient too wait on the reward and wants it right now because all the boring chores around chores the house literally give my adhd brain zero dopamine at all make it nearly impossible for me too make myself do the tasks like someone without adhd could do so easily I simply cannot most of the time and even if I manged too start some chores i cannot complete it fully and as a result I end up playing video games for hours and hours and and hours even if i'm bored and don't actually wanna play video games at all the moment my brain will still pick instant gratification aka video games over all other tasks that I do not directly have a interests in