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A day in the life of Anorexia
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- čas přidán 11. 08. 2015
- *TRIGGER WARNING* (Behaviours and daily life with anorexia are mentioned, if you are easily triggered please think before watching). A little insight into what it's like living day to day with an eating disorder. Nothing can really explain what it's like or how much it consumes your entire being but this is just a little idea without going into too much detail.
I used to be like this but i'd skip breakfast and lunch. Couldn't concentrate or think about anything other than food. I had so little energy at school sometimes i'd fall asleep during lunch, my friends made fun of me for being so concerned about calories and exercise and it just made me feel worse. I'd keep track of all my friends caloric intake and wonder how they could eat without a single questioning thought. Holidays and weekends were the worst, i'd often binge because i'd have nothing to distract myself with and i'd feel shit for the following week and i would purge every night after dinner. Before i got admitted i ate one meatball and a few spinach leaves the whole day and even purged that. i'd obsessively weigh myself and do crunches in the dark after i went to bed. I'd have dreams of me eating delicious foods like cheeseburgers and pasta... that's how much my life revolved around it. I'd spend ages counting my caloric intake and output for the day and knew the nutritional value of every food in the house, even the cat food. I'd bake and watch food videos obsessively, cooking them for my family and watching them eat it. I'd always have a piece too but then i'd go and purge it up. I hated it. I hated it so much. I hated sitting after a purging session, wondering why the hell i was doing this. Why i was destroying myself for some 'perfect' body. I hate anorexia. But i'd do it again. I'd go through all the pain just to make the voice happy. Just to feel like i'm worth something.
Omg this has been me for the last 2.5 years
Same
I can totally relate ...
I can relate so much oml
shit. I feel that so hard. I’ve been in recovery for like 4 years and the number of times I’ve relapsed is uncountable except that now because my metabolism got wrecked, I’m overweight. It makes me feel sooo much worse, like I cant actually recover until I’ve been underweight just once
This is so real, it's scary..
This is like exactly my daily routine just that my mom doesn't check if I'm eating anymore...
Jamie Heim my mother sees that I skip meals and never eat and just doesn't address it. I don't think she cares ..
You need to care for yourselves. Many parents feel helpless, some turn a blind eye because they struggle to admit it or it could be anything. Please take care of yourselves and reach out. Only we can help ourselves, support and people can help but at the end of the day we only have ourselves in this world and we need to have control. x
When I had anorexia nobody cared and when i said something about it they’d just say “you’re not skinny enough to be anorexic”
Nobody notices me. Not even my best friends. It’s alright. I don’t want to be noticed I want to continue. I want to be tinier. My mom always says my legs are tiny but no I don’t think.
Well that is @ least 2 ppl so don’t say nobody cares.. some of us actually have no one :/
robijuli236 i never said nobody cares.. i’m sorry if i offended you?..
That’s what I say to myself... I am anorexic, but I don’t believe it because I still have a chubby tummy and no thigh gap.
Yeah nobody always say me you're slim but not so skinny... At this type of moment I just want to say : guys you don't have to be skinny to be anorexic... Look at me I'm underweight I have an eating disorder... But you don't know that because I don't want you see me the way that I saw myself... I hate me and I'm so ridiculous to explain the unexplainable...
This is insane.. You literally described the past year of my life
+Jeon Jungkook i was the same!!! message me on kik, insta or snapchat if you ever need support cherryiwesr
...army :D...aw :(
Jeon Jungkook omg...army?
omg army. and yeah I can relate too
everyone said im sick i didnt believe them but my days are going like this
OoF
I saw u on another vi
It's all like a blur, I feel you.
how is it possible to be that pretty like im just wondering
+Della Andonovska you're being too lovely! x
puberty
Vera Benson
Lol
makeup
Della Andonovska she had to struggle to get that body. She had to go through an eating disorder for that.
My best friend has anorexia and this video sort of showed me the thoughts that might go through her head when she does certain things. I'm always so worried about her and she's not the same person at all anymore and I just want her back.
IamAWorm is she better now
Update?
How is she now?
how is she now? i hope all is well.
Hi this is such a late reply but my best friend does too and I feel exactly the same way…. I get worried sick and cannot remember the last time we properly laughed together. Hope you’re both ok now as it has definitely had a big effect on me subconsciously in terms of anxiety etc
That's a little bit like my life is...
Before, I could go without eating for like, a week, hiding food, throwing it out and lying, all the time.
Right now, it's a little bit better, my boyfriend is forcing me to eat something everyday, sometimes it's dinner, sometimes it's only a half a sandwich but he's always watching me while I'm eating...
He and my best friend are the only ones that know it and I know that they're there for me...
Every person that is reading this, I hope you won't get an eating disorder because it's horrible...
And if you're reading this and have an eating disorder I think you should think about it, that you should tell someone that is there for you, someone that you know will support you! And IF you don't have anyone you can ALWAYS kik me "straaaaanger", I'm always here for you! You're beautiful! ❤️
Oh, and I wanted to say something else too, even if you feel happy that you did lose weight, you won't be happy for long, that won't be enough. I mean, I did loose 10 kg and I was happy but then I wasn't, I wanted to loose more... That's when my boyfriend helped me, please, don't do this to yourself...
You're extremely brave ❤️.
💚💚💚
I’ve known several people with anorexia, and I’ve always been keen to learn more about it so I can support their health. But MAN, watching all these CZcams vids, there is such an encouraging community of people in eating disorder recovery networks, you guys are amazing. It’s like a family. I wish my bestie had had these resources when she was starting her recovery. Keep doing stuff like this. It’s rly helpful. 💖
I was about to go into tears. I struggled with anorexia, and later on binge eating, but watching this, the feelings of dizziness, physical soreness and guilt and nervs just come back. It's been 3 years but it's still hard for me to talk about it, specially since my recovery involved being overweight, because the thoughts sporadically come and i used to shut them by eating. Hope no one goes through the same as us did. I wouldnt wish it on anybody.
+Flan DeVainilla :( I'm sorry it bought it all back. I really hope that you're in a better place right now, even if it's a tiny bit better than before. Keep fighting it, I know it's exhausting but you can do it xx
“Repent, for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand” Matthew 3:2 ❤❤
I've been very close to have an eating disorder. But my father has always been there to open my eyes and help me fight it. At some points I hated him for making me eat, I would scream and go crazy, but hey... I am strong and he makes me even more strong. For everyone fighting this monster, IT IS POSSIBLE
Thank you for leaving this & spreading a positive message xx
Thank you for simply explaining the circumstances of having an eating disorder as they are or at least how as they feel like.
Thank you for pointing out the discrepancy between the rational awareness and the contradictory dominance of an eating disorder. I am equally devastated and relieved that I can finally identify with and feel understood by such a sensitive image you've shown.
You're very well spoken, great video. I hope your progress is going really well!
+Hawkinz Thank you! I'm at home for Christmas at the moment, so I'm eating more with my mum and family around..
i have anorexia, and it is absolutely horrific. this is so frightfully real! you’re amazing for making this . why? because it can help others understand what some people go through on an everyday basis.
this is real. losing weight became my purpose too. I would drink almost 6l of ice cold water and tea to lose weight every day which caused severe issues on my health, still and it was over a year ago. I am never really 'awake' always dizzy and super tired even after a good 13 hours sleep. it's not beautiful to be anorexic and oh god nothing to aim for. I would lie to my friends and family that I had already eaten or that I would not like that food or that I would eat later whatever. I would look for the most irrelevant things to lose weight. I am so angry all the time I don't have any nerves for anything. Every time I 'recover' I feel like I am going the wrong way and like the disease would make me feel good and not eating. As I am writing this my stomach feels so heavy. There is nothing else I would think about or more specifically not without thoughts like 'yeah, but you got to lose weight for that' 'just pull yourself through for 2 months then you can go swim with your friends' 'before you'll go there you got to lose weight' 'have more ice cubes they burn calories' I can't do anything without having thoughts like this. I do not really have a goal in life other than being skinny so I guess this is what is keeping me alive and which is why i can't let go of it. and yes i could pay a therapist for telling me all the things I already know or I could just go on and hopefully be what I want someday. I do want to be other things than skinny but being thin is my key to everything. I am not struggling it actually makes me feel so good when I don't eat when I skipped a meal I can't even tell I feel safe I know this sounds stupid. but 'ana' when you romanticize it is a person that looks for the good in me and gives me the strength to go on and cares for me.
Nothing good at all... although at the beginning you may see some kind of 'purpose' there truly is nothing good that comes out of anorexia. It will ruin your whole existence- you become so lifeless and dethatched from reality. On top of that it almost changes your personality and turns you into this compulsive liar with angry traits as fulfilling the eating disorder behaviours comes above everything.
'Ana' is an absolutely ridiculous concept and deep down you know that your eating disorder is slowly taking everything away from you; every opportunity, every experience and every relationship.
Losing weight is not your purpose. Being healthy and the best version of yourself is your purpose.
Look at everything from someone else's perspective if it will help you- what are you doing to yourself. Physically and mentally you are deteriorating and the sooner you can come to terms with this, the better.
Recovery is the hardest thing I have ever committed to. There is no simple quick fix from anorexia. Somehow you have to believe in yourself and see your own worth. That could be with the help of a therapist, friend, family member or teacher/colleague. Moving forwards on your own is a very difficult thing to achieve because anorexia will remain so strong when you keep things to yourself.
It seems to me that you are struggling, but that you do know that this behaviour is not healthy or okay.
Anorexia will convince you that recovery is the wrong pathway, but in reality it is the only way to live any sort of 'normal' life. You have to fight and push each day to move forwards. Feed a small bit of positive energy into your life and with time, energy and effort positivity will keep feeding back. Thoughts might keep coming back, as they will, but you have to counteract it with reality.
I really hope that you seek some kind of help and support and realise that you are worthy of recovery.
I've never seen another girl with hair like mine til I ran into this video! My hair curls at the bottom just like yours! I hope everything's going well!
Mine is the same. so annoying for topknots
Aoife Quigley
Yep I feel you!
That’s my hair 2 it sucks
you're so brave for talking about this i don't know you but i'm SO PROUD OF YOU !!
+jouri aljasser
That's really semiler to me.I eat 500 calories a day.I don't eat in school and i have 0 energy.I'm scared of gaining weight😕
Watching this makes me so so grateful that I was blessed with the strength to recover and now after 3 years am very nearly recovered and happy again. I hope you are keeping well and know that your are beautiful and amazing x
+Alannah Selva It's such an achievement to have nearly gained recovery and for being truly happy again, you should be proud of yourself. Thank you for being so supportive and kind xxx
I'm 18 and I've recently been through treatment for my own eating disorder. Thank you for being brave enough to share this, it means a lot that you are willing to talk about something so difficult and so personal to help others. Best wishes x
+KattCarlsonn You mean a lot to people, remember that. Well done for going through treatment, I hope that you're doing okay.
Thank you for being so kind xx
you have a very similar voice & accent to Princess Diana
She had an eating disorder as well
I can relate to this so freaking much, but it's comforting to know that others are going through the same exact thing. I have a twin sister too so I can relate even more to this. Stay strong, you're beautiful 💗
+Lucy Bolt Hi lovely, thank you for commenting :) I'm glad you can relate to it too, you're not alone in this xxxx
your hair is gorgeous xx
+Elizabeth Ann Thank you lovely!
This is so open, honest and terrifying at the same time. You communicated all these thoughts so well! I'm glad you're doing better and thank you for raising awareness of this awful disorder. :)
Thank you so much xxx
i have a undiagnosed eating disorder i have the same thoughts and issues daily but i go 20-30 hours a day if i dont eat at a certain time i go insane im like "if i eat to late i will have to just do a 20 ish hour fast then but if i eat at 4 i can do a 30 hour ish fast im always dizzy and constantly in pain i always get bloody noses I weigh myslef in the morning and after my shower at night i purge multiple times a week i know how it feels my sister is trying to help me but keep it a secret at the same time
Stay strong, hope you feel better
That's "Intermittent Fasting", but anyways, I hope you're doing better now!
+Christian Gabriel Torres Funes not if you are restricting heavily when you do eat. If her body is crumbling under the pressure so badly then she isn't partaking in healthful I.F., it's disordered eating and/or an actual eating disorder.
+Andrea Johnson (birdymum1990) Agreed
Me too
It takes a lot to come as far as you have come and regardless of anyone who posts negative comments on this video I really hope you know how strong you are to be fighting for recovery . You are truly an inspiration to anyone else who is struggling you are an absolutely beautiful girl and I wish you all the best for the future! Keep going !
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it xxxxx
Your courage is incredible, and I couldn't imagine how to explain the horrors of the illness more eloquently. I wish you all of the luck in the world with a healthy future free from relapse and obsessive thoughts xx
+Andrea Johnson (birdymum1990) Thank you so much. It's very kind of you to take the time to write such a nice message xxx
I’m very proud of you sharing your personal story on such a personal addition. You doing this video has helped many people that feel very alone know they are not the only ones that have a very dark secret. I’m 52 and have struggled with anorexia since I was 14 but never had the courage to do what you’ve done here! You are a beautiful, strong young lady! I hope you’re ED has taken a backseat in your life and you are thriving in a wonderful life! I’m sure you know this already. But always remember, sometimes we have setbacks. But that’s all they are..is a setback. God bless you beautiful lady ❤️
I really hope that this journey only gets better for you. You're so beautiful, strong and brave to share something so personal and painful. I've never had an eating disorder but was curious to see how it started or how people felt when they had such conditions. I can now be much more empathetic and compassionate to people suffering through such conditions so thank you. God bless. x
Thank you for sending this message. I'm happy that it has helped you to understand eating disorders a bit more- the more that people can be compassionate towards those suffering, then the less stigma will be attached to the illness.
Thank you for your support, sending love xx
This is so relatable. I'm so sorry you had this happen to you. I know how hard it can be, so I really fell you are brave to tell your story..
How brave of you to speak about such a harrowing illness - such beauty inside and out!
+smcco27 Thank you for being so kind & supportive! xx
I'm currently in recovery of anorexia, I feel your pain. 💕😓
You are honestly so so beautiful, like I noticed right away at the thumbnail ... this was so hard for you to post, but you did a great job, so strong xx
+guthyjuki874 Thank you for being supportive, you're so kind xxxxx
you are so amazing and beautiful for taking the time to tell all this to people.
I wish you loads of happiness❤❤❤❤
+Andi Muir :( Thank you so much lovely xxxx
You feel like home. I can see that your life is gonna be amazing ^^ I hope you're feeling better, thank you so much for this video ❤️
Thank you for being so kind, it means a lot to me xxx
This is so relatable. I want to recover, but sometimes I am afraid and just wanna give in. I notice my menstruation hasn't come this month, which means it is getting worse and I started to panic. I tried to eat a little bit more and exercise less during the past few days and today I had a breakdown. I cried and tried my best to calm myself down. I'm scared and I need more motivation, but noone but me knows what's wrong with me, as mental illness is not a matter of concern here, no therapist whatsoever. The only redeeming feature is that I still am quite outgoing, trying to hang out with friends instead of pushing them away.
This is the most relatable thing I've ever watched
I understand how you felt!!! I have been struggling for 8 years now. It's always in my mind
As a recovered bulimic/anorexic I understand how you feel but I could never open up about it due to embarrassment and shame. So I applaud your bravery for sharing on such a public platform.
You are so cute and I think it's really brave from you to upload a video like this. I used to think similar like you, but now everything is fine again. Why I ask myself today: why? Why do we starve ourselves, why do we shut ourselves out from the world? As you said, "it was a sad place to be". We live because we wanna enjoy live. But if you starve yourself and don't have any family or friends, that you feel close to, you can't enjoy live. So all that- it's just not worth it.
I hope that you can inspire some people, to change their way of living and to realize what the real live is like. Being happy.
Listen to your body and to what is actually good for you and start doing fun things with friends again without worrying about what you have eaten that day. Set your priorities differently and enjoy life! ❤
+Amy Saling Thank you
You are so brave for doing this. You might not see this because it was two years ago but I have been going through the same problem for months now. The only difference is that I purge my food too (I don't binge eat though) when I am in situations where I'm not in control e.g. having to eat food my mum does for me so she doesn't suspect anything. My day also revolves around worrying about food and I usually stick to eating an apple or two during the day to keep me going. I see people in college eating things like sausage rolls, chicken burgers etc and it's literal torture. I can't even tell you how much I want to eat but I just can't, and if I do end up eating something calorific the guilt is uncontrollable and I end up throwing it back up. I have been thinking about confiding in a teacher I trust in college about this, just to help me deal with my emotions I guess. I have already hinted around the issue with her and told her not to ring my mother and she's agreed not to. However I'm worried if I tell her anymore that she will. Do you think I should just trust her anyway?
Thank you for making this video :)
Thank you- I really think you should speak to a teacher, or someone that you trust. I know this is difficult, but try not to worry about your mum finding out. Your teacher may have to report what you have said to another member of staff or your mother. She is there to ensure you are safe, and these behaviours are very dangerous to your mental and physical health. I really didn't want my mum to find out too, but in the end she had to. I would encourage you to tell someone, because you can't go on this way, you need to get some support to recover.
Definitely trust your teacher, good luck :) xx
I love your hair!! The curls are so cute. My routine is similar to yours, except my mum doesn't watch me - I try as hard as I can to get rid of food without anyone noticing. I have anorexia, so I completely understand how hard it must have been for you, it sucks!!
+Emilia W I hate my hair it's so messy- but thank you! :(
You should tell someone about it? Or talk to a doctor so someone is monitoring your health? It's horrible but try your best to fight it xxx
+Lotus Lou I love it!!! I'm seeing camhs starting soon, I have seen a doctor recently and they referred me. Thanks though xxx
Thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story. I have been there and I am still struggling every single day.
Thank you for being so kind. It is an everyday struggle, even after a long time it can still be there. But acknowledging that and separating it from yourself can help you to keep pushing forwards xxx
You're soo brave to make a video on this topic..I never could..
+Cypriot Sister I'm so nervous about it still.. thank you for watching xx
and there are so many people who are relating to the video. people who are speaking out
Hang in there Lotus. Don't give up. Be confident in yourself and best of luck x
Thank you for your support :) xx
Thank you for making this video. I guess I am anorexic, but I tend to get outraged at myself and think if I was a "good" anorexic I wouldn't be allowing so much food. Because I eat, and volume wise I think it's not extremely little, but I like completely cut calories content wise. I have everything low calorie vegetables and everything measured and weighted and counted and analyzed. I know I have a problem from wbere I am mentally, even though it is hard for me to accept I have a physical problem too, because I am not majorly underweight (probably yet).
I completely understand how you feel. I'm at the same stage now. It's very difficult to accept that you still have a problem if you don't look a certain way. But that is irrelevant- you still need help and you are still unwell. Please try and get some help?
I used to have anorexia and I remember crying myself to sleep, praying it would go away. That was many years ago and today, I don't even remember how I got better...It was like a miracle
thank you for sharing your story. you are so brave and your words matter a whole lot. it's nice to know you're not alone when you're struggling so much.
+Geena Frank Thank you for your kind words xxxx
This was so accurate and such a raw video. I'm really impressed I would love to see more of your videos! You are very brave
Thank you for your support, it was lovely of you to say that xxxx
You have a very lovely voice. I could listen to it all day
Thank you so much for making this. It takes a lot of courage. So glad I found your channel. *Subscribed*
Thank you so much for making this video. I’m currently experiencing health issues due to my reliance on anorexia and it’s gotten to the point where the people who are in my life need to know about it in case I pass out and hit my head or j have a heart attack so they can relay info to paramedics or doctors. It’s so nice to see a real video on the reality of living with an eating disorder. So many sources just talk about what people are seeing as opposed to what’s going on in the eating disordered brain. I’m gonna use this video so if anyone in my life has any questions about why or what I’m doing I can show them this as I don’t know if I’m ready to answer those questions myself.
Thank you for your kind words. Eating disorders are very complex and it's so difficult to explain what's going on in your head to those around you (add in the pressure/expectation to look a certain way and trying to make sense of your own thoughts and it gets even more confusing). I'm glad you can use this to help people close to you understand, hopefully they can support you more if they know what's going on.
I hope that you are able to get the help you need
thank you for putting yourself out there like this. It's good that people are talking about it.
hi lou glad you have gotten past the worst. it shows how strong a person is to come through that experience like you have. hope you are well
darren
Darren Roberts Hi :) thank you for your comment! Hope you are well too!
Im ok thanks things are better still have anxiety issues but it will take time for them to calm. Remember im here if your ever having a tough day hope you have had a nice summer.
+Darren Roberts Thank you, same for you too! Summer has been okay, nearly going back to uni now :)
Oh good are you looking forward to your 2nd year
This was exactly my life too except I was too sick to go to school for a year
For a year so sorry for what you've gone true
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL...remember when insecurities come that I (albeit a random CZcams commenter) and many others find you GORGEOUS
Thank you for your comment, it's very kind of you xxx
Its sad how its always the prettiest and sweetest people (dont worry, every one is pretty ♥️ im just talking from my point of view) who suffer from an eating disorder. Ive been suffering from anorexia for about 5 months now, i know its not that long but its like hell. I can relate to the things this girl is talking about so bad. To anyone with an eating disorder, i love you and your not the only one ♥️
This remained me of my worst day. I hope you're better now
Thank you for sharing your story with us! You are so brave, when I did it on my channel I was incredibly nervous and afraid of the response I'd get. But I can tell you now that your story was so real and relatable for me, stay strong and healthy!
Thank you so much. I'm still really nervous about it because some people just don't understand and don't seem to care about understanding. So hearing from you is lovely :) you're so kind, look after yourself xx
Lotus Lou You're welcome lovely, keep your head up. You're going to receive a lot of positive responses. Check out my channel if you'd like. I love yours!
you're a brave young lady i am so proud of you for coming so far
:( thank you so much for your support, it really means so much to me
I find it really unfair that someone as beautiful as you has to have such thoughts ... I hope you're better now x
So if she wasn't beautiful?......
+Nathalea Dugaduga Well, I think everyone is in a way, so same thing ...
Hahahaha. yeah
This is the most accurate description I have ever heard. I am currently going through this now .. But i'm calling it my "healthy kick" . Since i'm addressing it as that no one sees it as an ED...
+Jennifer Sousa It's not at all healthy... not in any way. Please try and stop now before it goes too far. Tell a friend or a family member because it's so dangerous that noone around you knows that you have an eating disorder :( I hope that you are okay
Thank you for sharing your experience. My daughter is 14 and really struggling with an eating disorder so much so that she’s in a mental health hospital. I’ve learnt a lot from your video , I just want to try and understand so I can help my daughter x
Thank you for taking the time to write this, it means a lot to me. I hope that your daughter gets the help she needs and can learn to find peace. I know how difficult this is for family, how helpless you can feel. It's important for you to find support too xxx
You didn't abuse your twins trust by hiding your weighing activities. It is that kind of thinking that makes people feel guilty enough to get eating disorders in the first place.
+DarkBungleX I know what you mean. It's difficult though because it was done so secretively because I wanted to hide everything from her.. it made me distance myself from everyone. You're right, my thought process isn't rational but I feel like I did abuse her space by not being open with her.
Watching through all your videos, i can see how strong you were through your journey. I went through something similar but didn't go too low. Well done for finding your way onto the path of recovery. You are really pretty too :)
+Olive J Thank you so much for your kind words xxx
thank you so much for this. You understand and speak the struggles and hearing your voice knowing I'm not alone means so much. Sending all my love and hugs. I hope you are well
+Rachel Roberts Thank you for sending such a nice message
This is exactly what happened to me, down to the letter. However, a few months ago (I've now recovered) I have made up with my old best friend after we fell out when I first developed my ED. I'm so glad we've made up because she was so helpless through the whole time and she only wanted to help and I just shut her out 😁
+Hannah Skynest I'm so happy that you've recovered, that's an amazing achievement
You are incredibly strong and beautiful. Also, your hair is perfect.
+Colleen Reneé Thank you for being so kind xxxx
You are so brave and selfless for sharing your very personal story with the world so honestly. Good on you! Stay strong ❤️
+Zoe M Thank you so much beautiful :( xx
+Lotus Lou no problem! You're really beautiful yourself! Xx
Your beautiful! Stay strong and I hope you are doing well xxx
Thank you so much xxx
Thanks for sharing your story, its such a brave thing to do! :) I suffered from anorexia nervosa as a teenager and still battle with it most days in some way or another even though I like to think I am recovered. I wrote a song about fighting that battle and have just released the music video for it. I would love to hear your thoughts about it, it's over on my channel so let me know if you check it out. Much love, Rosey x
Thank you Rosey :) I know how you feel about being recovered, it can still feel so strong even when you're better than you were - if that makes sense. I'll defiantly have a look xxx
Thank you so much for this video❤ You literally described the way I was feeling and behaving a few years ago. I've been suffering from this eating disorder at a very young age and I just want people to know that anorexia is not necessarily about wanting to be skinny to be accepted or loved. 'Cause most people think it is about wanting to be as skinny as a role model or like society says us to be. But for me it was not. It was about having myself under control and it was me, just me who could make the decision whether I'm gonna live or die. I feel as if I was almost born with this disease like I was' the skinniest-me' with 8 years. My parents did realise I wasn't eating but even if they get me to eat something I would try to fool them. I would crumble my tiny slice of bread so much that there were just crumbles left on my plate so I could throw them away. I would also try to not eat other food by pretending to be eating and if they were looking away I would put the food in little pices in my pocket so everyone would think I had eaten up.
Anorexia (for me) was never truly about being 'skinny'. It may have taken that form, but really that was just a cover up for more emotional upset/hurt and it revealed itself in the form of an eating disorder. It was a way to be in control.
I hope that you are moving towards recovery and getting some kind of help or support. I know that it is so so hard to break out of these cycles, but it is possible. xxx
I can tell this video was difficult for you to film, but you should be really proud of yourself for being so strong. Thank you for sharing xx
+Kerry Dick Thank you for understanding and for being so kind xxx
i have a twin too!
+Lotus Lou Christmas has got to have been really hard... You can do this, though!! And it feels SO much better to be honest with your loved ones and to not hide food from them... Think about them if you don't feel like doing it for yourself; I also have a twin, and we were both sick one after the other, and something that helped us both to recover was to focus on the well-being of one another... Think about your sister, and how happy she will be once you heal from the disease ❤️ I have to admit that in my case, that little voice is still there, and probably always will, and I still have (very few) "Forbidden Foods", but I've learned to keep Ana under control... I'm confident you can do this, too, since you're very aware of what you are/were doing ☺️
+Flo Led My family and friends are my motivation because I want to be there for them and I know when I'm like this that it completely takes over. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't think its something that will 100% go for me, but its something that I've got to learn to manage well so that it doesn't prevent me from living properly. Thank you lovely xxx
I can relate to this sooooooo much
Ikr me too it made me cry to think about how messed up my mind is and how unhappy I am with myself
+Morgan Simmons :( This makes me so sad. I completely know how you feel but your thoughts are tricking you. Be safe xx
+Lotus Lou you too sweet heart. You are lovely please believe that 😘
+monkeymaddie100 I'M IN THIS RIGHT NOW...help
+Simple Me The only thing I can say is to reach out for help. Just how you've typed it to me, type it to a friend/family member who can help you get the support that you need. Tell the people who care about you so that you can start getting out of this horrible cycle before it get's too late. Sending you lots of encouragement and strength, you can do it xx
That 1 disliker...
Lexi -- those people who missed the like button because they couldn't see
189 ppl are blind
Your absolutely stunning and anorexia is absolutely disgusting and horrible and it’s horrible to go through 😢 sorry you went through it x
Yeah any of the pro-anorexia videos are sooooo triggering and sound so brainwashing it's weird and uncomfortable
+Lotus Lou thank you so much for making this video and I really can see how hard it was for you...several friends of mine, me included, are sometimes unhappy with themselves and their bodies, one of them is actually going through Anorexia. Thank you so much for making this video and helping people understand what it is like.
+Julia Feichtinger So many people aren't happy with their bodies, that's normal to some extent. But when if it turns in to an eating disorder it's very different from normal behaviour and not many people understand that; they just think it's a diet. Thank you so much for being so so thoughtful and kind. Lots of love xxx
My Beautiful 11 year old Grandaughter is now at 15 a walking Belsen prison camp Anorexic Skeleton, It is heart breaking to your family
She is now found out, all the lies, baggy clothes, had a meal with my friends in town at a burger joint/ chinese etc and now very ill, with help from a phsycairatis, the hospital and parents desperately trying to help her, I am devastated, She is no longer at school and almost about to be addmitted to hospital OMG how hard this is
her younger sister is 13 and full of life singing dancing, going out with friends to dances and young teenage stuff, Just as she should have been
How I Cry Grandad
I know what it's like as I suffer from anerxia myself and this is practically a day in my life but you are extremely brave to share
Thank you- keep working towards recovery xx
i feel like i have ana now. im so obsessed with my weight, i went to gym 6 times a week and spend 3 until 4 hours in gym. i eat only less than 500 cals in a day and burn more than 500 cals a day, and i start to spewing my food away everytime i ate too much. i just want to be skinny and i have lost 14 kg now. i hope i will be ok. can't handle it
I think that it's really good you're acknowledging that you can't handle this. I really strongly suggest that you tell someone close to you about this if you can. If not speak to a doctor as soon as you can, because this isn't sustainable at all and you will make yourself very ill- physically and mentally. Good luck
How long did it take to lose 14kg x
You are so lovely and no matter what you think you need to punish yourself for, you dont. You deserve to be happy and you belong here in this world and i hope you can fully realize this. The past is past. Today, you can start fresh and live with joy. You are so lovely, you can certainly also bring joy to others. I wish you peace and happiness.
+Stopana Thank you so much :( You're so lovely!
Too many nice things to read in this comment xxx
You are wondeful and very brave to share your story with us. I empathised a lot with what you said, mainly with the control part. Thank you again for sharing and take care!! Sending you a hug :D
Your so beautiful! I wish you haven't got through this. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ stay strong
Thank you for your support & kind words xxxx
Wow! Well said! I can relate with you so much! It all happened to me 🌸 and I'm still recovering, I have gained some but I'm still quite thin 🌸 this was amazing 👏
Thank you- keep going with recovery and take each day as it comes- with the aim of moving forwards. Sending you lots of encouragement xx
It sounds like you put a great deal of thought into this video. You explained exactly how my days goes every day. The scale determines how I'll be feeling for most of the day. If I've lost weight I feel euphoric inside. If I've gained weight I start to feel like a failure.
Thank you. Throwing away my scales felt like the hardest thing in the world to do at this time. But once I done it, I felt a strange kind of relief, like I was no longer controlled by it. Of course that took time, but it is possible to get through this stage if you decide to throw away the scales. Or do it in stages, like move to another room or give it to a friend for a week x
You literally described the past year of my life. Wow, emotional video. Now my problem is, that there is a girl in my class and she's dieting and it makes me so sad and at the same time it triggers me so so much. :/
Must've been scary to post but I appreciate this so much... it's so much more comforting to know other people have the same mindset. I just really want to know how people get past it
Thank you- it was scary but hopefully worthwhile.
The only way to move forwards is often with professional help and lots of support
Thank you for sharing your story 😊
Thank you for sharing your story!
xiuminnnn
Its ok to fast sometimes. Ive had Anorexia for approx. 49 years. I still get repulsed by food, and general dirt. I was 6 stone at 15 years old. Ive spent my whole life suppressing this illness, but I know that its still there. I understand how awful this illness is.
Oh my god, I feel you so much girl, I've been there too
I've always wanted to understand what an eating disorder is, and I guess if you don't go through it, you can't know, but I find you explained it really well, so thank you. And stay strong.
+Emma Casablancas Thank you for watching xxx
im currently going through these feelings as i type this.. i havent become self aware of them until this year or realized that it was not normal to even have these thoughts.i live independently so the only person that knows is my room mate . watching this was tough and to know im not alone is a relief. hope you are well and thank you for sharing
I hope that you can reach out and find the support you need. Seeking help is hard because you have to accept that you are struggling, but it's the first step to living a more 'normal', healthy life. xxx
I have anorexia too and everyday rescissions are hard x I love you for posting this xxxx
+beautifulpeople.liv.91244 People I hope that you are doing okay :( you can beat it xxxx