THERAPIST BREAKS DOWN BABY REINDEER | Full analysis and review
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- Welcome! Today we are discussing in detail the MASSIVE hit Netflix show: Baby Reindeer. What did you think of this show?? I clearly had a lot to say about it :)
Trigger warning - some of the topics discussed in the video may be upsetting for some.
Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:47 How does all of this start?
04:06 How and why it progresses
06:10 Their "date"
08:45 Why does Donny follow Martha to her home?
12:26 Episode 4 (trigger warning! grooming, drugs and sexual assault)
14:26 Chemsex
16:46 Male grooming
17:13 What is grooming?
22:00 Martha sexually assaults Donny
23:17 Why does Donny start to question his sexuality?
28:33 Donny's relationship with Terri
31:36 Trauma and being LGBTQ+
34:21 Donny tells his parents everything
35:43 Why does Donny go back to his abuser?
42:20 Let's talk about Martha
47:39 What mental health illness does Martha have?
49:41 The failure of the mental health and criminal system
51:54 Why does Martha do what she does?
56:23 The ending
58:29 Final thoughts and review
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Genuinely took a media break a few days after finishing the show. It was beyond emotionally taxing to imbibe such an seemingly adjacent experience to my own. My mom found me in the kitchen bawling in front of our Alexa during THAT scene - half-washed dish still in hand. It was even more crushing than something like I Spit On Your Grave (either version). It brought up so many latent traumas I have survived, but I was also crying over the sheer catharsis of something I had swallowed in the dark for most of my life having a bright light shined on it.
Edit: Terri is such a wonderful character. It's nice to have a trans character who's identity isn't their defining characteristic. Terri is kind, intelligent, empathetic, perceptive, and a generally beautiful human being. I was shattered when he fucked that up, but was not at all surprised.
Thank you for watching and for your comment
I also thought there was going to be a MAJOR confrontation when Donny went back to the abuser. It was shockingly mundane, which I think was the point.
His responses were so realistic and triggering 😅 I've never felt like i was really watching myself on a show before. Between sexual abuse, grooming, and physical abuse, all of his responses made complete sense to me. Ive also had that urge to approach my abuser. Idk why or what im trying to get out of it, but it's definitely there. I've gone through hypersexual stages and self-destructive behaviors and questioned my own sexual identity. I think its very hard for people who havent been through traumatic experiences to understand how hard Donny, as a character, really hits the nail on the head. Ive noticed alot of people i know come out of it frustrated and annoyed with Donny because they dont understand why he keeps doing these things....its one of those things thats just iykyk.
thank you SO much for sharing
Well this was nicely done. Thank you for the perspective
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching :)
maybe a short introduction to the charakters in the beginning, would be helpful... who are they, what do they represent in the series, who are they to you and how do you understand them... especially since you are a therapist, that would be a useful take for all of us. Since many of us have no plans on watching the series, a plot breakdown--what is happening and why? where does it lead=? could be helpful. Also there is some words you are not allowed to say on this platform, or bad things happen to your video for some reason-- RAPE is definetly one of them!!!you have to avoid that at all cost---!!!
After watching the full lenght, i have to retract my critizism above...apparently those questions about who they are and what they want are the very theme of the series and quite possibly get never answerd. Considering this , you did a great video.
I really enjoyed your thoughts. The second half of the video in particular was so insightful for me. I’ve been looking for a video like this! Thank you!
omg thank you so much!!
What a great breakdown! Will be sharing this with my audience!
oh wow thanks so much!
She was a law student - she didn't 'used to be a lawyer'. There's no evidence she was ever a lawyer, that I am aware of. She graduated, with an Ordinary degree, nor an Honours degree, so basically scraped through.
I'm glad this show touched on subjects (relating to SA aftermath, and especially SA by someone falling outside of your perceived inclination) that I haven't seen anywhere else, and glad you touched on that more through your professional knowledge. I had/still have a similar experience, and I feel even in the LGBT+ community it's not really accepted very much, especially in the younger generations and/or once the questioning individual is past their teens. There's always this pressure to commit to a "label" which I know is very identity-affirming for many, but when it's not because identity is kind of a mess, there's not much slack given unless you disclose why. And I never do, because when someone starts to get frustrated when I can't give a clear-cut answer it's not really reassuring me into a confiding mood. So I end up being an episode 1-3 Donny in the sense that I know that if I disclosed why I'm having the difficulties I'm having, probably most of the people who ever gave me a hard time on this would understand and stop and likely even feel bad and a little silly for having pushed on it. But even the potential satisfaction of feeling like "see, you were the unreasonable one all along, how dumb do you feel right now?" can't offset being pressured into giving information I didn't want to give so I take the flippant commitment-avoiding two-faced still-semi-closeted asshole reputation instead, and it doesn't really matter if only I know that this is a very unfair representation. I hope this show and/or discussion of it and its themes could make some people learn about different experiences of self-discovery, but I've heard of some in the LGBT community calling the depiction of Donny's SA aftermath "problematic" (which is odd to say about a real lived experience) so I'm not sure we're quite there yet.
Thank you so much for sharing and taking the time to make such a thought out comment
31:39 This is such a tricky topic to discuss. I understand how people can question if trauma is the reason for their sexual identity. It's important to note I've heard of some women experiencing assault then going on to identify as lesbian which on the front looks like a rejection of men. This is markedly different than the experience Donny has with his assaulter and following sexual expression.
I like the way you redirect the focus on acceptance of where you are currently instead of focusing on the why. Really interesting.
For me this show highlighted the ambiguity in these relationships. There are no monsters and no neat and tidy (happy) ending. It really was a challenging watch because it was the closest thing I've ever seen in depicting the lived experience of being abused. Abuse
t's such an incredibly isolating experience. The shame, the self-loathing, the self-doubt, the difficulty of leaving these relationships.Its so misunderstood and you are victum blamed and invalidated so often if you get the courage to speak out.
I'm glad I didn't know the actor was actually the writer and abuse victim as I probably couldn't have watched it. Often, when I got dustressed Id say he's acting, it's not real, chill. To watch someone basically retraumatise themselves...nah.
Thank you for watching, commenting and sharing
When I saw the GHB I knew what would happen. I do have mixed feelings about Netflix not doing enough to have protected the stalkers identity, which leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth
Agreed. It was fucking foolish, but at the same time, anyone who knew the bones of the story and "Donnie" irl would have easily been able to piece together her identity.
@@DeaDiabola they should have protected her better man. Even tho she was the stalkers she don’t deserve this… I think Netflix is gonna pay her big time but even that would barely help her I think. They used her teeets word for word what did u expect !!
@@sit-insforsithis1568 While I agree on a very small level - with peace and love - you would never say that if you had ever been stalked and sexually assaulted. Because she DID sexually assault him. She isn't "just" a stalker. No stalker is EVER "just" a stalker, it's a continued invasion, an endless inducer of stress and trauma that very often ends up in death or further sexual violence. If you've been through that and survived it as well, it'd be harder to say. I *am* inclined to give women a louder voice, and while she empirically denies any wrongdoing: NO stalker I ever had thought they did anything wrong. To this day, I "led them on".
Until we know more (if we ever do) I will approach this particular case as it has been presented. If your interest was in protecting a woman - I am with you there. But I care a whole lot less when they're a predator, even a sympathetic one.
From what I just gathered from an ex-coworker of "Donnie's", they WERE cruel and misogynistic towards her. That does not mean that she did not stalk and terrorize him anyway, naturally.
I do agree that either way, she should be left alone and encouraged to get help. There was no reason to harass her when she is no longer a danger, but this is more an issue we have to collectively work on as a society.
@@DeaDiabola I did not mean to come over as dismissive of the effects of her behavior, i should have made that more clear. And she did sexually assault him that is 100 inexcusable.
@@sit-insforsithis1568 Oh no, you didn't come off as remotely dismissive, you actually came off as shockingly empathetic, which I admire. I hold people like you in high regard, actually. Our world would be on flame while underwater if everyone was like myself, lol. You are a valuable asset to society and the world at large, and I appreciated this conversation. :) I merely disagreed about where to place sympathies, but if we brought this discussion to a philosophical debate about morality, you'd decimate me 10/10 times!
Well well, chemsex, it has a name, unfortunately its practically the only kind I've experienced, and I'm 65 lol! Well thats a slight exaggeration, maybe long long ago, in a distant galaxy, in the early 70s....lmao! Love this programme, its opened a right can of worms! I sympathise about the hayfever, mine starts with the tree pollen in about March then comes back in the late summer when, apparently some trees start with the pollen again! I worked with kids for a while and grooming and SA are really damaging, it seems worse when it's male on male as the victim feels responsible in some way, is made to feel responsible, is more accurate. Sorry I can be flippant about Chemsex, but am totally aware that it's used by people to undermine the victims natural defences. This, Chemsex, and the whole male on male grooming and SA can leave the victim emasculated and feeling like he asked for it. Its a terrible thing and was at the root of some awful, self destructive behaviours in boys and young men. As a woman, I know how appallingly R affects women and girls but for boys and young men, who often are straight, the undermining of their natural sexual inclination, through grooming and drugs, can be devastating and leave them questioning themselves and feeling they are to blame. Its horrific. You dealt with this really well in the video, it's the feeling they've done something wrong, that ends up playing right into the abuser's hands. What people don't seem to understand is that grooming is done so subtly and makes the victim feel that they are being understood so well that its hard for the victim to see the agenda.
Wow thank you so much for taking the time to make such a thought out comment - it means so much! Glad you enjoyed the video and I also enjoyed reading your thoughts :)
I was overwhelmed with sadness for both of these lonely, broken individuals. I hate to see how Martha/,Fiona us being villainized. Donny is a very imperfect victim and that's what makes thus so fascinating. I love your insights and compassion. The only YT therapists who share your perspectives are Dr Kirk Honda and Richard Grannon.
100 subscribers 😊
Thank you so much!!
The audio though 🤦♀️.
I can’t.
Please buy a $50 mic 🎤
What do you mean by "qualified therapist"? What are your qualifications?
You know what helps with hayfever/allergies? FFP2/FFP3 respirators. You know what they also shield you from...?