The Alone Era
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- čas přidán 9. 06. 2024
- I'm sure you've heard a lot of entrepreneurs having gone through the "Alone Era" or have heard podcasts on them experiencing it now. But the truth is, everyone experiences it at least once in their life's. Some experience it after hitting burnout, and/or experiencing a great deal of loss; some just by changing naturally.
From my experience, the ambitious, the overthinkers, and introverts are more likely to experience it early on. It's a phase in your life that starts feeling like sh*t but ends feeling liberated. You no longer rely on others, and your relationships become more meaningful.
I’m not studying psychology nor will be, but this is something I think is worth having a discussion about and sharing.
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Loneliness is not about like you don't have anybody. It's like nobody has you
-Theo Von
I am completely alone in life; My father died when I was 5; My mother died 26 years ago. So I am an adult orphan. My best friend died 9 years ago. I keep to myself because the only people I am around are not friendly, warm, welcoming people. Anything I say "can and will be used against me". I know these people look down upon me as being a loser; I am not worth $100 million dollars and have no impact on the world (unlike them apparently). I learned to live inside myself when I was a child. It is rare I share any feelings with anyone. They won't "get" the feelings or have open contempt for them. I never tell anyone my goals or aspirations; they are my business alone. To quote the LA Dodgers coach Tommy LaSorda : "It doesn't do any good to tell people your problems; Half the people don't care and the other half are glad you have them". I wish you luck on your introspective journey - you are bravely examining issues most people don't want to touch. "The Only meaning to be found in life is the search for meaning itself" - Albert Camus.
I've heard of both quotes before. I've always hated the from Tommy LaSorda. I think it's healthy to talk about your problems just to the right people and with a limit as to how long. In my experience, most people see talking about your problem as complaining or ranting. I don't agree with doing either one and yes both is a waste of time. But actually talking about it to people who actually want to listen or venting is different and more effective with a limit. - limit as in for how long or how many times (ex. 3x talking about it + unlimited time or ex2. 30 minute timer). After that you walk away with a different perspective and/or some relief. Again, this is from my personal experience, I understand if you have a different perspective.
It sucks that your life lead to being an "adult orphan" and I'm sorry for your lose. I truly wish for you to be around warm and welcoming people in the future.
@@AlsoknownasBK Live another 40 years and you will change your mind about human beings. I think you are living in the land of lollipops and unicorns.
@@dchurch2012 There is no disagreement that there are some shit people in the world. Ones you can't trust and that will take advantage given the chance. However there are kind people. I choose to pay attention to the stuff that will make me want to live not the stuff that I know exist and will bring me down. You may be right though, my view on human beings will probably change in 40 years😌
@@AlsoknownasBK Exactly I'd like to say focusing always on the negatives is not a good life strategy. Do your own bit too and be the positivity you want to see in this evil world
In my opinion, the ability to be alone is a critical life skill. It's best to develop it young, so you can deploy it as needed. I was an only child, so it came naturally for me.
Same here
I think a lot of this deep rooted aloneness stems from not having a tribe. Just think for a second about early humans and the environment humans have lived in for most of our existence. Modern life is deeply unnatural.
I have been alone for over 3 years so far, I feel your words!
And your extreme decency,mindset and very nature and calmness and kindness is truly remarkable,especially in this day and age,Sis. Your parents must be wonderful folks who brought you up this way,plus it's your own nature too. In short,you are a wonderful human material and for that you have my upmost respect and I admire you for that.
I appreciate that, thank you. I'm very proud to have them as my parents😌
@@AlsoknownasBK No need to thank. You earned it. And good to hear that you are proud of them and I'm sure they are proud of you aswell.
Your authenticity is inspiring. I get consumed with whatever I'm doing so it's hard to maintain friendships. Worse, I project that I'm bothering people ppl by reaching out just because I'm sensitive to being interrupted. I'm lucky to have a gf that is very social and includes me even though I'm old af. In the past I've depended on one or two friends who are very social to broaden my group. The problem with that is when those friendships ended I lost the group. I think early the 20's is a great time to form lasting friendships. People change a lot in their teens and by the 30 they're not as open to meeting new people. Once they have kids they hang with people who have the same age kids
Have you ever tried to set up appointment with friends? A while back I was considered a workacholic because all I could think about was work so I didn't go out much. It helped to set weekly/monthly appointments with friends. Plus, the best friends are the ones are interested in listening to you latest passions and same goes for you wanting to listen to theirs. Also based off your last comments you seem be someone who likes to help out others, showing that is a big plus when being social. You didn't ask for this so feel free to ignore😅
Also, thank you! I try my best to be "me"😁
@@AlsoknownasBK Thanks for the reply. I like the appointment idea. I had a Monday lunch buddy when I lived in LA and it was really good for me. Maybe I'll do that again if I find someone interesting
The early 20s is when you make friends ? Well I'm fcked 🥲
I can relate. Honestly, I've always felt this era is in pursuit of something greater, bigger and better than what I can imagine. It's the willingness to tough out the difficult times that sets the winners and losers apart, right? If personal comfort were a currency, it feels like I'm spending it, and getting real dollars in return. Which almost makes the feeling worth it.
I love how early in life, your grasping the true importance of existence..... I'm 41 and 4 years into my "beginning" ;)
I wish you the best of luck! I guess it's true that everyone goes at different pace😄
@@AlsoknownasBK Thank you :) and Good journey to you
Awesome You Could Open Up About Your Life. Some people Can Relate 🤙💜✌️🔥
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.”
Arthur Schopenhauer
Our emotions are transient phases.
Perception is reality, I like how you said it depends on how you look at it because it’s the judgement that we place on loneliness that actually makes us feel either feel good or bad, not loneliness itself.
keep up the good work, just need to improve everyday 💪
Hi Karima, i feel what you’re saying. I think that, as you said yourself, all the greater things cannot be ignited without a flame of solitude. These periods of time where it is just about us and our thoughts, when we are looking at ourselves and try to understand the inner wires that compose us. Such a deep understanding of oneself, in my opinion, cannot be reached when one is constantly surrounded by people, by unnecessary noise that extinguishes this introspection. People tend to avoid at all costs any « alone eras », because it forces them to do some work, to face themselves, their shortcomings, their lack of ambition, the things inside of them that have always been put aside by the societal noise. We live in a world where we are very much often deprived of such « Alone eras », constantly stimulated, or being told that being alone equals being lonely. Being alone equals being, or learning to be comfortable with our very soul. I think that being alone teaches us to know the only person that’s gonna do the best for ourselves until our very last breath, which is our very self. Now, some people might help in this process, maybe people who went through an extended « alone era », but at the end of the day, it is only when we are in the sole company of ourselves that we can truly know who we are and what we can do. It can be scary, it can be tiring, but it is necessary work that will lead to the results that we deserve and hope for, a necessary phase if we want to know ourselves and know the path that we want to follow at the core of our soul.
I have always felt alone, not in a sense of isolation but in a sense of not wanting to share some parts of me with others because i know they wouldn't understand, or genuinely care. Not being pessimistic, ig they dont have the same passions as i do then they will not be as interested as i am. And i dont like wasting anyone's time.
But that has left me with a sense of disconnect, a lack of community and belonging that i can't shake.
I get that. Whenever I would share something that I enjoy with people I care about I end up always being mentally drained and exhausted because my overthinking would come in - Ex. "I'm talking too much" - and because of subconscious expectations. Surprisingly, it's easier to share what I love with strangers than with people who I am close to. No expectations, just reactions, and I can be as honest or passionate as I want be. It has it's downside but it's upsides too :) Thank you for sharing😌
At 31, I am actually finding a deep sense of freedom in my aloneness. I am grieving the loss of a parent whom I had a trauma bond with and I actually have no one to talk to about it. And honestly, that’s ok. I have me now finally and that’s growing everyday. I used to be so desperate to escape isolation that I sought connection and understanding from all the wrong people. I allowed myself to be manipulated by partners and family all to not be alone. My God, how foolish (yet this is how we grow, mistakes). Now I feel absolutely liberated. This life is for me and Spirit to explore first and foremost. I’m practicing the Golden rule as best as I can and otherwise staying dolo. 🤟
I agree, knowing how to be alone is one of the most valuable lessons a person can learn. My favorite part is like it's like meeting yourself for the first time😁
Hope you are doing good!!! Super proud of you!!!!!
I am well, and thank you. I hope you are too😁
An easy way to solve the alone era in theory would be just to confide in people in the same line of work that you're in because they'd understand the stress and whatnot that comes along with it. But sadly, it's all so cut-throat in the business world that it's hard to know who to trust. I'm still learning that myself, but luckily there's a few people that I work alongside and subcontract with during this earlier part of the operating season that understand and are good to talk to about that stuff. Helps me get the initial anxiety worked out before the bigger jobs hit in July/August. But there are also plenty of two-faced individuals as well who would love nothing more than to see their competitors crash and burn.
Either way, I love that there's someone on CZcams talking about this stuff. I was in the same position you're in a few years ago of figuring things out, and just finally found what is turning out to be the light at the end of the tunnel within the last two years. Keep posting, it definitely helps more than you realize, and it'll do more to help yourself in your own journey than you realize.
I like to question if the Alone era is something you have to take direct action to solve or something that solves itself by experiencing it. By fully understanding that you are in your "alone era" you can end up seeing it as an opportunity. Personally, I think everyone needs to be alone at one point to figure themselves out and what they want from life and who they want to be around.
I'm glad you enjoyed the video and decided to share your theory and experience. Thank you :)
@@AlsoknownasBK at least in my experience there’s multiple meanings to being in your alone era too. Like in the business world I’m not in an alone era anymore. But because of my decision to focus on my business at this point in my life and getting it in a solid footing, it’s put me into an alone era as it pertains to certain levels of social interaction (like the lack of a love life for example, or less friends than I’d like despite preferring a smaller circle). I’m hopeful it’ll all fall into place the way it’s meant to when it’s meant to. But I guess that can be chalked up to every action having a reaction/consequence.
Hi,little Sis. What you said,I'm so familiar with it that I don't even have to think much about it. I can just feel every word you said. We are so alone and it's strange that specifically in these times,the more closer people get the further they move from each other. Feels more like some quantam physics phenomenon rather than a social one. And like some other friends have shared their stories briefly,well I'm pretty much a loner too. My Mom suddenly died of brain haemorrhage in 2003 when I was 18. And than my Father died of a sudden heart in 2007 when I was 22. And I have no siblings either.. Later I married a girl,but it did not turned out well and only lasted for 10 months. Never got married again and have no kids either. Overall,seen a good life,but with tragedies,of course. And yes,most people don't care. There are a handful who do care,but in that non caring majority that tiny fraction is just lost or invisible. ,you have to hide every problem and feeling, else people will leave you. How ironic is that. As humans we were suppose to be with each other in good and bad times,and be there for real. Solutions apart,but world is pretty distorted. But it's also important to let all that out that is suppressed inside. And if one does finds even a handful of people that listen,than it's really is something.
It's an ironic situation to be in that is for sure😄. Also, thank you for sharing story and I'm sorry for your lose.
@@AlsoknownasBK It is,Sis. Sometimes the world and humans make so much sense and sometimes not at all. We can understand this world and people but never,understand why and what for is all this. And it's ok,what happened,it happened. Life is merely just a "Happening". If not this than that. Appreciate your kind words.
Pretty rad you’re going through that at 19. Took me a lot longer to hone in on the alone phase and finding it epic for filtering in the quality of life that I was never raised to be aware I had a choice in.
You're cute Karima. That aside, a day at a time. Keep moving forward!
Alone in germany first time Im from greece my name is spuros an the most imprortant message is to get out of your comfort zone :)
Getting out of your comfort zone is definitely part of it. Also, I know the weather is something to get used to in Germany lol.
I can't describe it but I felt like I was talking to a friend, or some kind of familiarity, while it's my first time watching your video. And this is very recomforting
I do relate to what you just described but for me there's something more to it that I can't really figure out how to describe but yeah. great video!
If you are up for it. I wouldn’t mind if you tried to explain it. I would do my best to understand what you are saying😌
So far I can tell the Alone era has it’s own phases and it’s possible you are in it, past it, or about to enter this new point of your life. Maybe something different and I would love the new perspective 😁
3:40
'I see you guy's on the next video'
Mic:Making techno noises
🎤👩💻
Keep posting such vidoes. They are really helpful!
You got this sis 💙
thanks for making me smile bcs someone on earth have the same problem/era in life like me.
I can say the same thing to you. Thank you🤝😌
HealthyGamerGG mentions this idea, that in Hindu philosophy, the energy/drive for doing something, can be also dissipated by talking. It's actually present in all religions wisdom, in different forms, like "your actions will speak much louder than any words you will ever say" in the Bible. From my experience, usually it's pointless to "vent" bad emotions to friends, it doesn't help much, it only makes them feel bad too. But staying quiet and "bottling" those emotions in, builds tension that can give me the drive to take action to change things.
I think most people are happy to listen to people’s bad times. But there’s nothing worse than someone who goes on and on and on about how sad they are, how annoyed they are. Ngl there’s not much someone else can help with that
I remember that video and I've had that experience too. Holding in the emotions are not a bad thing as long as you process them and use to better understand yourself. However, if you just hold them and use it as a drive and energy boost it will die out and then you are stuck with all the things you never talk about and worse don't know how to communicate it. Venting can be helpful from my experience you just have to make sure there are limits like how long and who.
Anyways, that is just my experience. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience :)
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CZcamsrs need to be more like Karima
OMINGOD THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME MIND FRAME I THINK LIKE TOO. Except I call it the
“obsessive mindset”.
Ephesians 4:22 says “Cast off your old self born is anew”. When you are on the embark of doing something BIGGER than yourself you go through this “lonely” phase of rediscovering yourself. FUCK I could go ON AND on, I’m actually in the middle of making a video on this topic because I’m sure you know what I mean by this BUT our generation (gen z) are as LOST as ever. Anyways I’m rambling I just subscribed. I’ll see you on the other side.
I’ve been alone for 30 years i have it a lot worse then you lol
Be strong bro, you still got life ahead. Hopefully you get over it
average men experience
what mic is that
any link for the mic?
Trust me, you don't want the link for this mic😅 The only reason why I'm holding it is because It's quiet when I clip it on to my clothing.
Squish.
❤social engineering 😂hard to fight🎤post more😘
Who else clicked cos she looks hot 😂.....🙋