@@biekgiek It's actually him from his show commenting on the WAP music video. Here's a song people made with clips from his actual commentary. czcams.com/video/jIg51BlDG5Y/video.html
Someone way more farsighted than the god described in the Bible thought to play a prank on everyone and slip someone's Bronze Age erotic fanfic into the Bible when no one was looking. Hats off to whoever that was!
This explanation is the most _parsimonious_ and has the most _explanatory power_ and covers the greatest _scope._ I'm just putting that in the language of a Christian apologist. 😆
The King James Bible was put together by a committee primarily to prove that James 6 / James 1 had god's approval to be King of Scotland and England. As you know It went on to be a best seller and thus known as a good book.
@@billgreen576 The King James Bible doesn't differentiate that much from the Bible you can find in any church. The King James version actually is missing a few chapters.
@@ushere5791 it's easy for you to make jokes about the GOP, when you're a basement dwelling incel, that's only ever obtained "enthusiastic consent" from his hand. Your idea of getting some "strange" is using your left hand.
@@TragoudistrosMPH what's an example of "liberal ethics"? Trying to silence everyone you don't agree with? Murdering unborn babies? Allowing children to be groomed, by adults, chemically castrated, and set on a path to genital mutilation, a lifetime of medical issues, and huge profits for the medical/pharmaceutical industry. Oh, I forgot, liberals HAVE NO ETHICS. My mistake, carry on..
@@fadikhoory5350 Yeah, there's so much more. Like Lot's daughters getting thim drunk and having sex with him so they can continue the family line. And the whole Oholah and Oholibah story in the Book of Ezekiel.
Probably the most romantic thing said was "Come, lets BOINK" Its consistent though, most of the bible is pieced together horse shit and children's stories.
Watching you how dishonest you are and how ungrateful, obnoxious, pseudomoralist, and a hypocrite, and how you twist the Bible and point fingers elsewhere but yourself, make me feel like I want to vomit. Dishonest, disgusting anti-God, anti-freedom of speech, anti-truth, backward Satanists ,sin lovers, who rejects God no matter what, that even if you were *CONVINCED* that God was *TRUSTWORTH,* loving, good, fare to all, holy and just, you would *STILL* spit in his face and reject him. Watching you God heaters how you speak and how you act and what you endorse, makes me a stronger believer. It's like witnessing some Bible prophecies with my own eyes. Woe to you sin lover who call good evil and evil good.
Honestly, I'm Just kinda Amazed at how well he got the voice of Shapiro... Because either he Went through WAY too Much Audio Footage of the guy to get Clips to cobble together that fit this perfectly, despite how Weirdly specific the words he said were... OR he imitated the Guy's Voice perfectly... In either case, it's Impressive.
@@__evidence__in__my__channe5172 if you and your comment are the best representation of a loving god, I'd rather stay away from such a god and his followers.
@@manamaster6 God is God no matter what I say or doing. I'm just an individual speaking for myself and no one's behalf. But you will be judged for all the wrong doings that you have done on to others throughout your lifetime and for your hypocrisy. Pointing your finger elsewhere won't excuse you on judgment day.
Well it's not like JWs represents this book honestly. Completely different book once you acknowledge the horny instead of insisting it's totally chaste
i just love how people over analyse things and think its more complex than it is. just like this book of the Bible. its ancient fan fiction at its best
"Song of Songs" is more than likely stolen/paraphrased from the Sumerian/Babylonian "The Marriage of Dumuzi and Inanna." So many lines are almost word for word from the epic Babylonian version of the poem. Like many things in the Old Testament, they can be traced back to Babylonian roots.
I do think in general the Middle east was where three continents collided hence many cultures were exchanged and literature components were also adopted
back when i was a worship leader, the church was starting a series on sex (their favorite topic) and asked us to sing “you wont relent” by jesus culture. (a lot of the lyrics are from song of solomon) it was very awkward but we got thru it. after we walked off stage, the pastor said “um… i guess we forgot to tell you. we had to push that series back a week”. so we basically sang a sexually charged worship song with zero context. it’s still whispered about to this day.
I feel kinda weird here because I'm imagining both DM and Mrs. DM (hopefully) laughing their asses off talking to each other this way trying to record the voice lines.
"darker skinned were assumed to be peasantry because they were working outside" Yup, colorism exists in more societies and older societies than racism. It is only in societies where industrialization is already complete that the values change, as darker skin starts to imply tanning, tropical vacations, and time for outdoor leisure activivities, whereas paleness tends to imply you work indoirs all of the time or live in your mother's basement and never come out except to go upstairs and get more Cheetos.
(which, incidentally, is also why we elected one such Cheetoh as president. It was not that long ago that the elite took milk baths to try to make their skin look pale instead of spray tanning themselves to make it look darker).
Man that is so inappropriate. We need to ban that book from libraries so our kids don't get ideas that birds, sheep, etc come out of your partner's head when foreplay is occurring.
It's OK, there's no book that is less likely to be read in existence. Even the people who claim to be devoted Christians haven't read it. I think that reading the Bible with a critical lens is the best way to convince anyone that it's a load of shit, and to become an atheist.
The drawings of the literal things discussed was a hoot about how unattractive those things would literally be. Sheep on the lips, doves for eyes, pillars of gold or marble for legs, fawns for breasts.... What a freak that would be!
I would totally go for it. Not because I'm a furry or whatever, more like for the story. How many chances do you get to try such a thing. I mean genetically she is no longer human but originally she was. I wonder how she identifies as lol.
Watching you how dishonest you are and how ungrateful, obnoxious, pseudomoralist, and a hypocrite, and how you twist the Bible and point fingers elsewhere but yourself, make me feel like I want to vomit. Dishonest, disgusting anti-God, anti-freedom of speech, anti-truth, backward Satanists ,sin lovers, who rejects God no matter what, that even if you were *CONVINCED* that God was *TRUSTWORTH,* loving, good, fare to all, holy and just, you would *STILL* spit in his face and reject him. Watching you God heaters how you speak and how you act and what you endorse, makes me a stronger believer. It's like witnessing some Bible prophecies with my own eyes. Woe to you sin lover who call good evil and evil good.
Now THIS is good reason to read the bible... I see why there are so many priests who profess in this holy text and have managed to remain celibate for life. With stuff like this, you don't need a partner.
there's a scene in one of the eps of MASH where Fr.Mulcahy sees that one of the patients has been reading the Bible..he goes to see what the young man has been reeading, against the young man's protests...he'd book marked the Song of Songs,lol.
Yeah, like who tf doesn't know what a p*ssy is? Who is his target audience? 90 year olds in retirement homes who havent had sex in so long, they've forgotten the name for female genitalia?
Dude drinking out of the goblet with dove eyes is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. Plus Little Ben being feet shorter than anyone else was great too.
This is effing slaughtering me. "God, do you want to grab the Church's coconuts?" Excellent work. When one of the priests at my church (Roman Catholic) said it was a metaphor for God and His Church(tm), I may only have been 15 but I knew I heard bullshit from that man's mouth on that one. I mean, if he'd said it was the secret transcripts of how God warmed up the Virgin Mary, maaaaaaybe... actually, no. But it'd be a funnier story.
all goats shall have their part in the lake of fire, HELL for all eternity. Be one of God's sheep, saved, redeemed, blood bought member of the body of Christ & make Heaven your home!
@@Ataraxia_Atom All written in the bible. God said it & God cannot lie. Goats are those who are unsaved the lost. Which is obviously why the goat statue is seen in all demonic churches. Sheep are those who are saved, the saints of God. And Jesus is the Good Shepherd of His sheep. GLORY TO GOD!
You'd think. But the council of nicea left a LOT out of it. I really want to read the apocryphal texts, the dead sea scrolls and the gospels according to Mary Magdaline and Judas
Reminds me of one of the funniest moments of my life. I actually went to a catholic seminary for a couple years and oh...they had bible reading out loud daily and this serious young man got to read this bit and he did it all slowly and reverently with a perfectly straight face in a room full of celibate young men. We were trying so hard to keep it together and failing miserably! 🤭
These animations are great xD I can't wait for your Power Corrupts book! Please consider doing exclusive editions for its initial release! A Yahweh edition, a Jeffery edition, and Lucy edition! :)
@@knight-mares It would which is why exclusive editions tend to be more expensive. I’d imagine they would be Kickstarter Exclusives or similar depending on what publishing method he ends up using.
mainly because he's not constantly perved on like the little girl looking gods/angles/dragons/whatever the hell it is this week, are and obviously has a fully adult mind.
This book was always so confusing to me as an asexual. I was never able to work out what any of the metaphors were supposed to be about. Also, I'm going to guess that it was actually originally a hymn to Ishtar since this is exactly what her hymns sound like and she was clearly being worshiped by the common people since her shrines kept being shut down by the nobility. Someone's got to be giving tons of tithes to those temples if they keep popping up every few years despite government persecution. Ezekiel even says that in his time there's a room specifically set aside for female worshipers of Ishtar in the Temple itself (Ezekiel 8:14).
It's comforting, in a strangely depressing way, to see that people have been giving money to fictional women for thousands of years and nothing can stop it. The more things change the more they stay the same it seems.
@@inventor121 Actually the temple priestesses (and priests) would absolutely do stuff with you for money. We even have price lists for different positions. It was an important part of their religion: if Ishtar was not given enough worship, fertility as a concept would disappear from the entire world. Mythologically speaking when Ishtar left the world to get Tammuz back from the underworld, no new animal of any species was born. It wasn't just humanity that was doomed to extinction without her, it was all life. That's the explanation for why everything dies in the winter according the Babylonian religion. Only by performing ritual sex and trying to give Ishtar closure over the death of Tammuz by giving him ritual mourning could the world be brought back to life in the spring. And incidentally this was a great way to make incels less whiny: men in the ancient world usually married in their 30s while women married in their teens so you had men spending 20 years of their lives without wives while their similarly aged female friends got married off. This was a release valve to stop them from going on rampages about it. So tl;dr you should go to the Bunny Ranch, perform rituals to Ishtar, and become a more well-adjusted person.
There are even more graphically erotic verses in the bible. For instance: Ezekiel 23:20: NIV *_"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."_* P.S. The inclusion of the Shapiro character was a hilariously brilliant move. 🏆💯 ✔ Thanks so much for sharing. 😉👌🏻
the "whores in this house" reference made me laugh so hard it hurts. i got the rona. you earned my like with this one. been watching you for like a decade it seems now.
About halfway into this video, I just about flipped my house upside down looking for the only bible I own to see if this was true. Lo and behold, I found myself completing the rest of the video, reading that part of the actual Bible, laughing my ass off, and I'm not even Christian!
I talked with my husband about this book. He's convinced me that these are love letters. The amature comparisons, nothing really more than compliments about the other person, It makes sense that these are just love letters
Some people, mostly Christians, claim that the "song of songs" is so wonderfully poetic. In reality it is as ridiculous as we see here. Is there a DarkMatter version of Deuteronomy chapter 28, verse 15 and onwards? That is the most grotesque text I have ever read.
That book was straight up from Alabama. The brother/sister bit is a dead give away. And how in the world did you convince Shapiro to do a voice over? Cap tip to nailing that spot on.
10:14 In Song of Solomon it says "my sister, my spouse" a lot. She wasn't actually his sister but it basically means "I'll be as intimate with you as I am with my sister" because in their culture calling someone a brother or sister was very romantic because it was synonymous with intimacy. I didn't find my conclusion about this in my short research but the fact that calling someone a sibling was synonymous with intimacy obviously implies they were physically intimate with their siblings in that culture which is utterly disgusting. I looked this up a while ago because I was curious so I forgot what my sources were I'll link them if I find them again though.
My super religious dad literally rips Song of Solomon out of all his Bibles, for the last 20 years. And after hearing it here, it is definitely the least erotic story I ever listened to. Calm Down Dad, Song of Solomon won't hurt you, I guarantee it.
The Ben Shapiro inclusion is something I did not expect, but it was what we needed. Amazing work.
Proof of time travel.
Shapiro was freaking out when he thought he was seeing a leftist trans transformation.
Is that actually a recording of Ben Shapiro?
@@biekgiekI think it is
@@biekgiek It's actually him from his show commenting on the WAP music video. Here's a song people made with clips from his actual commentary. czcams.com/video/jIg51BlDG5Y/video.html
Someone way more farsighted than the god described in the Bible thought to play a prank on everyone and slip someone's Bronze Age erotic fanfic into the Bible when no one was looking. Hats off to whoever that was!
This explanation is the most _parsimonious_ and has the most _explanatory power_ and covers the greatest _scope._ I'm just putting that in the language of a Christian apologist. 😆
It was probably DM’s great great great great great great grandfather. 🤣
The King James Bible was put together by a committee primarily to prove that James 6 / James 1 had god's approval to be King of Scotland and England. As you know It went on to be a best seller and thus known as a good book.
@@billgreen576 The King James Bible doesn't differentiate that much from the Bible you can find in any church. The King James version actually is missing a few chapters.
@@rcblazer That you can write those two sentences and not see the many problems with those two sentences speaks volumes .
Man: I consent!
Woman: I consent!
Ben Shapiro (in the corner): I DON'T! 😡
Can we get a DM take on Jordan Peterson next?
That's a perfect description of their Christian/Conservative ethics...
enthusiastic consent from the woman? the gop hates that!!!!!
@@ushere5791 it's easy for you to make jokes about the GOP, when you're a basement dwelling incel, that's only ever obtained "enthusiastic consent" from his hand. Your idea of getting some "strange" is using your left hand.
@@TragoudistrosMPH what's an example of "liberal ethics"?
Trying to silence everyone you don't agree with? Murdering unborn babies?
Allowing children to be groomed, by adults, chemically castrated, and set on a path to genital mutilation, a lifetime of medical issues, and huge profits for the medical/pharmaceutical industry.
Oh, I forgot, liberals HAVE NO ETHICS. My mistake, carry on..
Boomers: this generation is too sexually active, y’all need the Bible.
*The Bible:*
It's a metaphor, Jeffrey!
@@ATurnip ahahahahahahahhav
One book which is less than 20 pages is not representative of the entire book which is nearly 2000 pages long.
@@fadikhoory5350 but Is a part of It
@@fadikhoory5350 Yeah, there's so much more. Like Lot's daughters getting thim drunk and having sex with him so they can continue the family line. And the whole Oholah and Oholibah story in the Book of Ezekiel.
“Baby, I need some dirty talk…”
“Sure babe, let me just pull out the Bible real quick!”
Probably the most romantic thing said was "Come, lets BOINK"
Its consistent though, most of the bible is pieced together horse shit and children's stories.
Thou eyes are like doves 🕊
Thou lookest like a sexy little horse
"EXCUSE ME?"
Nah, nah, its cool, I'm attracted to horses
😨
You start with the Songs of Solomon and work up to the time Loki fucked a horse
I’m sure their reaction will be WTH and a look of total disgust.
I like the part where he's using a Wikipedia article instead of the real thing because it would be hard to draw it 😭
"Ben Shapiro's inclusion was the best part of this Christmas erotic special"
Words I never imagined I would put together.
Second best part. The woman transforming was the best part.
Watching you how dishonest you are and how ungrateful, obnoxious, pseudomoralist, and a hypocrite, and how you twist the Bible and point fingers elsewhere but yourself, make me feel like I want to vomit.
Dishonest, disgusting anti-God, anti-freedom of speech, anti-truth, backward Satanists ,sin lovers, who rejects God no matter what, that even if you were *CONVINCED* that God was *TRUSTWORTH,* loving, good, fare to all, holy and just, you would *STILL* spit in his face and reject him.
Watching you God heaters how you speak and how you act and what you endorse, makes me a stronger believer. It's like witnessing some Bible prophecies with my own eyes.
Woe to you sin lover who call good evil and evil good.
Honestly, I'm Just kinda Amazed at how well he got the voice of Shapiro... Because either he Went through WAY too Much Audio Footage of the guy to get Clips to cobble together that fit this perfectly, despite how Weirdly specific the words he said were... OR he imitated the Guy's Voice perfectly... In either case, it's Impressive.
@@__evidence__in__my__channe5172 if you and your comment are the best representation of a loving god, I'd rather stay away from such a god and his followers.
@@manamaster6 God is God no matter what I say or doing. I'm just an individual speaking for myself and no one's behalf.
But you will be judged for all the wrong doings that you have done on to others throughout your lifetime and for your hypocrisy. Pointing your finger elsewhere won't excuse you on judgment day.
My mom: “You really need to learn more about the Bible.”
Me: Okay. *watches darkmatter Bible stories*
My mom: No, not like that!
Yes, yes like that.
XD
Bible isn't that creative with complementing eyes isn't it? Doves, Doves and Doves again
Exactly like that lol
Invite mom into a 3-way with your sister.
@@AZOffRoadster
"Home sweet Alabama"
XD
Can't believe you got the actual Ben Shapiro for voice over
It did sound exactly like Shapiro. I almost fell out of my chair laughing when he appeared and started talking.
@@kevchard5214 I'm pretty sure those are actual excerpts of Ben from when he was talking about Cardi B's WAP on his show
@@theMosen That makes it more epic!!!
Yes, that was mighty cool of him!
@@theMosen how did he get the copyright
DarkMatter understands that the best way to make Ben Shapiro's voice sound ridiculous, is to use clips of his ACTUAL voice.
I agree, the best way to show how ridiculous the bible is, is to read it without christian goggles
And his wife told him getting a woman wet was a disease 😲
Ben Shapiro: *speaks*
Everyone else: congrats, you just played yourself
Atleast make it sound ridiculous, but it actually not
@@wohodude100 why, because if you read a bi letter made by an atheist will be full of truth?
Damn I legit forgot that this was even IN the Bible. Ben Shapiro was just the icing on the cake
I like to think of him as a fly that just got stuck to the icing. Kinda like the one that was making love to Mike Pence’s hair😂
I want cake now :(
I can't believe the bible predicted ben Shapiro
Well it's not like JWs represents this book honestly. Completely different book once you acknowledge the horny instead of insisting it's totally chaste
"It means they fuckin' outside" made me literally snort so hard that it hurt LOL
In fundamentalist Christian groups, this book is often explained as a story of love between believers and the God. 😂
god wanted to screw isreal pretty bad!
WTF, i'm a christian now 😏
😂 what...lol, ahhhh that makes it even more cringe
i just love how people over analyse things and think its more complex than it is. just like this book of the Bible. its ancient fan fiction at its best
Just to clarify, the male is apparently the god and the female is "the church"
"Song of Songs" is more than likely stolen/paraphrased from the Sumerian/Babylonian "The Marriage of Dumuzi and Inanna." So many lines are almost word for word from the epic Babylonian version of the poem. Like many things in the Old Testament, they can be traced back to Babylonian roots.
I do think in general the Middle east was where three continents collided hence many cultures were exchanged and literature components were also adopted
Wow 😮😮😮
back when i was a worship leader, the church was starting a series on sex (their favorite topic) and asked us to sing “you wont relent” by jesus culture. (a lot of the lyrics are from song of solomon) it was very awkward but we got thru it. after we walked off stage, the pastor said “um… i guess we forgot to tell you. we had to push that series back a week”. so we basically sang a sexually charged worship song with zero context. it’s still whispered about to this day.
Upload it in secret lol
The world needs to know
For research!
🤣 Ow! My ribs hurt! You poor things.
😂😂
Just an FYI: Giovanni Pierluigi da Palestrina put the Latin version of the Song of Songs to music back in about 1584.
@@resourcedragon cool, but did he do an altar call with it
I feel kinda weird here because I'm imagining both DM and Mrs. DM (hopefully) laughing their asses off talking to each other this way trying to record the voice lines.
Yes, I had to cut out a lot of laughing!
@@DarkMatter2525 Ms. DM is a trooper thats for sure.
@@DarkMatter2525 nicee 😂
@@DarkMatter2525 did you eat her coconuts?
@@DarkMatter2525 at least you had fun.
Proof that once again the Bible is not child friendly.
Doesn't need proven.
😂😂😂
UMMM,IN THE FIRST CHAPTERS, There was a flood
but it's friendly for incestuous siblings!
the bible is for ALL. PRAISE GOD!!!
"darker skinned were assumed to be peasantry because they were working outside"
Yup, colorism exists in more societies and older societies than racism.
It is only in societies where industrialization is already complete that the values change, as darker skin starts to imply tanning, tropical vacations, and time for outdoor leisure activivities, whereas paleness tends to imply you work indoirs all of the time or live in your mother's basement and never come out except to go upstairs and get more Cheetos.
(which, incidentally, is also why we elected one such Cheetoh as president. It was not that long ago that the elite took milk baths to try to make their skin look pale instead of spray tanning themselves to make it look darker).
And that's why a lot of hotel's bibles have pages stuck together. Classic.
hahahahahahahhah!
💀💀💀😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
ewwwww
I stayed in an Airbnb and someone bookmark those pages lol
Man that is so inappropriate. We need to ban that book from libraries so our kids don't get ideas that birds, sheep, etc come out of your partner's head when foreplay is occurring.
It's OK, there's no book that is less likely to be read in existence. Even the people who claim to be devoted Christians haven't read it. I think that reading the Bible with a critical lens is the best way to convince anyone that it's a load of shit, and to become an atheist.
"You little reddit atheist, stop being so literal" lol
Dam and y’all wonder why no one takes atheists seriously 😂 I can already tell you’re subscribed to r/atheism and type the most toxic BS on Reddit.
Then why did they change parts when they were describing those parts?
The drawings of the literal things discussed was a hoot about how unattractive those things would literally be. Sheep on the lips, doves for eyes, pillars of gold or marble for legs, fawns for breasts.... What a freak that would be!
Iunno I'm pretty sure some people would be very attracted to someone with gold legs.
@@hinro what, they'd caress them a bit and sell the dust for that much needed supplemental income? o.O
I would totally go for it. Not because I'm a furry or whatever, more like for the story. How many chances do you get to try such a thing. I mean genetically she is no longer human but originally she was. I wonder how she identifies as lol.
Watching you how dishonest you are and how ungrateful, obnoxious, pseudomoralist, and a hypocrite, and how you twist the Bible and point fingers elsewhere but yourself, make me feel like I want to vomit.
Dishonest, disgusting anti-God, anti-freedom of speech, anti-truth, backward Satanists ,sin lovers, who rejects God no matter what, that even if you were *CONVINCED* that God was *TRUSTWORTH,* loving, good, fare to all, holy and just, you would *STILL* spit in his face and reject him.
Watching you God heaters how you speak and how you act and what you endorse, makes me a stronger believer. It's like witnessing some Bible prophecies with my own eyes.
Woe to you sin lover who call good evil and evil good.
@@irrelevant_noob I would guess a blowtorch or a chisel. gold diggers would be everywhere.
This is a work of art deserving of serious recognition.
I wish I could take a pill to forget everything from the last 12 minutes so I could rewatch this video repeatedly as if it were new
All those people in my past trying to interest me in the Bible should have led with “it has a chapter of soft porn in it”.
A whole slew of chapters*
Now THIS is good reason to read the bible... I see why there are so many priests who profess in this holy text and have managed to remain celibate for life. With stuff like this, you don't need a partner.
This is why no one respects or takes atheists seriously
there's a scene in one of the eps of MASH where Fr.Mulcahy sees that one of the patients has been reading the Bible..he goes to see what the young man has been reeading, against the young man's protests...he'd book marked the Song of Songs,lol.
👩AISHA SAID I AM NINE. MOHAMMED👴SAID IT'S FINE😋😋
@@ankur7773 oh!! comments from an Indian. That's nice.
Ben's diatribe fit so perfectly. What amazing story writing and editing
Putting those descriptions to life was absolutely hilarious. And it got funnier every time.
I saw a pretty funny video discussing this. Can’t remember the name of the uploader though
"P-WORD IS FEMALE GENETALIA" i've been laughing at this over a year and it still hits just as hard.
Yeah, like who tf doesn't know what a p*ssy is?
Who is his target audience? 90 year olds in retirement homes who havent had sex in so long, they've forgotten the name for female genitalia?
The Ben Shapiro part was hilarious!
Dude drinking out of the goblet with dove eyes is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. Plus Little Ben being feet shorter than anyone else was great too.
The last 2 minutes of God and Jeffrey talking over the credits is the best part.
How do we collectively send this to Ben Shapiro
3:12 The Ben Shapiro cameo was epic! I kept laughing as he looked through the window. 🤣🤣🤣
The ending just killed me 🤣
Much more wholesome than drag queen story hours 😅
👩AISHA SAID I AM NINE. MOHAMMED👴SAID IT'S FINE😋😋
Wow less then a hour since upload? I'm star struck. Amazing videos man. I'm exmuslim from Syria living in Sweden. Glad i became a atheist so much
Fuck Christianity long live Islam c he Ostia it’s is bunk and this video proves the truth
This is effing slaughtering me. "God, do you want to grab the Church's coconuts?" Excellent work. When one of the priests at my church (Roman Catholic) said it was a metaphor for God and His Church(tm), I may only have been 15 but I knew I heard bullshit from that man's mouth on that one. I mean, if he'd said it was the secret transcripts of how God warmed up the Virgin Mary, maaaaaaybe... actually, no. But it'd be a funnier story.
*I love when DarkMatter2525 when he said "It's eroticin' time!" and eroticed all over the Bible. Truly one of the Bible stories of all time.*
A truly blessed Christmas
@@Chetloore Truly a Christmas.
Y e s
This metaphor for god's relationship with the church is sooo... *deep* 😳
The GOAT of bible school, darkmatter himself
funny comment
all goats shall have their part in the lake of fire, HELL for all eternity. Be one of God's sheep, saved, redeemed, blood bought member of the body of Christ & make Heaven your home!
@@billybob-ro6qf im commenting on your comment
@@billybob-ro6qf you got any evidence for this claim?
@@Ataraxia_Atom All written in the bible. God said it & God cannot lie. Goats are those who are unsaved the lost. Which is obviously why the goat statue is seen in all demonic churches. Sheep are those who are saved, the saints of God. And Jesus is the Good Shepherd of His sheep. GLORY TO GOD!
Not the weirdest Bible porn I've seen but...
Excuse me whaaaat?!!
What's weirder than this?
@@polasamierwahsh421nut temple of the Bible with the brothel😂😂😂
I swear whoever compiled the bible just stitched together whatever paper he found 🤣
You'd think. But the council of nicea left a LOT out of it. I really want to read the apocryphal texts, the dead sea scrolls and the gospels according to Mary Magdaline and Judas
Ezra put the Jewish Bible together.
@@AngharadMac Right, but that’s the New Testament. The Old Testament was long since canonized before the Council of Nicaea.
@@walmartpimp2 no no no Ezra was a Jedi who helped ignite the flames of rebellion :P
@@Failedlegend It is obvious that this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force... but by our skills with a lightsaber.
Reminds me of one of the funniest moments of my life. I actually went to a catholic seminary for a couple years and oh...they had bible reading out loud daily and this serious young man got to read this bit and he did it all slowly and reverently with a perfectly straight face in a room full of celibate young men. We were trying so hard to keep it together and failing miserably! 🤭
The part about her breasts being like fawns, gets me weak in the knees every time.
I love how for her head being like Mount Carmel you literally just put the Wikipedia page
I’m dying 😂😂😂
The bible was the original Game of Thrones.
These animations are great xD
I can't wait for your Power Corrupts book! Please consider doing exclusive editions for its initial release! A Yahweh edition, a Jeffery edition, and Lucy edition! :)
i agree with you
I’m no expert, but that would probably lead to extra production costs.
@@knight-mares It would which is why exclusive editions tend to be more expensive. I’d imagine they would be Kickstarter Exclusives or similar depending on what publishing method he ends up using.
👩AISHA SAID I AM NINE. MOHAMMED👴SAID IT'S FINE😋😋
Holy shit! Looks like I lived long enough to see a new video uploaded by DarkMatter2525 pop up in my notifications!
I died at the neck like the tower of David 😂😂😂
SUDDENLY....everything is metaphor now.....although historically, 99% of bible are literal
with only very few metaphors......
Yup! Bible literalism is truly frightening. Additionally, I can guarentee that as it relates to Ben, Mrs. Shapiro has never experienced a WAP.
Some women have low self esteem tho.
Jeffrey is one instance where "1000 year old god that actually looks like a child" kind of works.
mainly because he's not constantly perved on like the little girl looking gods/angles/dragons/whatever the hell it is this week, are and obviously has a fully adult mind.
He's a cherub
Japan always translate it into horny loli girl
Ok groomer, with anime wifu avatar. =P j/k
Towako always works.
Ben Shapiro is perfect here. W.A.P.
MY MOM Literally read this to me as a bedtime story while I was still in elementary school.
Ewwww. Why?!
@@DemonDante1000 She likely didn't understand what she was reading. It's pretty common
@@aronm5329 oh no 🤣she was the one who explained the context to me in no uncertain terms 😭.
@@DemonDante1000 I ask myself that question all the time.
@@Gfish17 tf? Lol this brought up memories huh lol
What a beautiful day when DarkMatter uploads.
Ladies and gentlemen, twelve-year-old fanfiction writers who think describing eyes as 'orbs' makes them cool.
Always a good day when Dark Matter releases a video
This book was always so confusing to me as an asexual. I was never able to work out what any of the metaphors were supposed to be about. Also, I'm going to guess that it was actually originally a hymn to Ishtar since this is exactly what her hymns sound like and she was clearly being worshiped by the common people since her shrines kept being shut down by the nobility. Someone's got to be giving tons of tithes to those temples if they keep popping up every few years despite government persecution. Ezekiel even says that in his time there's a room specifically set aside for female worshipers of Ishtar in the Temple itself (Ezekiel 8:14).
It's comforting, in a strangely depressing way, to see that people have been giving money to fictional women for thousands of years and nothing can stop it. The more things change the more they stay the same it seems.
Ay chief I'm not asexual but I have no fucking clue what they're on about either
@@inventor121 You can take the unga bunga away from men, but you can never take the unga bunga out of men.
sexual attraction is weird, I'll give you that, but trust us that it's not THIS weird lol
@@inventor121 Actually the temple priestesses (and priests) would absolutely do stuff with you for money. We even have price lists for different positions. It was an important part of their religion: if Ishtar was not given enough worship, fertility as a concept would disappear from the entire world. Mythologically speaking when Ishtar left the world to get Tammuz back from the underworld, no new animal of any species was born. It wasn't just humanity that was doomed to extinction without her, it was all life. That's the explanation for why everything dies in the winter according the Babylonian religion. Only by performing ritual sex and trying to give Ishtar closure over the death of Tammuz by giving him ritual mourning could the world be brought back to life in the spring. And incidentally this was a great way to make incels less whiny: men in the ancient world usually married in their 30s while women married in their teens so you had men spending 20 years of their lives without wives while their similarly aged female friends got married off. This was a release valve to stop them from going on rampages about it. So tl;dr you should go to the Bunny Ranch, perform rituals to Ishtar, and become a more well-adjusted person.
Not the Ben Shapiro!! 🤣🤣🤣
"Girl, what's thou been doing with thou brother?!"
There are even more graphically erotic verses in the bible. For instance: Ezekiel 23:20: NIV
*_"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."_*
P.S. The inclusion of the Shapiro character was a hilariously brilliant move. 🏆💯 ✔
Thanks so much for sharing. 😉👌🏻
The literal depictions had me dying. Merry christmas darkmatter
how do you animate ben shapiro so well.
And is that Ben's real voice❓️
@@thomasdoubting yeah it's one of his funniest videos
I think I know. DM probably starts with Jeffrey's image and just adds hair and deletes the wings.
@@thomasdoubting Yeah its from this video here where he "dissects" the song WAP...pretty funny stuff 😂
czcams.com/video/U9FM49Tzhn4/video.html
I’m always so HAPPY to see new content from you. Absolutely the best there is.
Good job Mr & Mrs Darkmatter!
This is the best credit shapiro has in his entertainment career.
the "whores in this house" reference made me laugh so hard it hurts. i got the rona. you earned my like with this one. been watching you for like a decade it seems now.
It seems like Pornhub was in the market way earlier than i thought .
You’re telling me that there’s a whole part of the bible that’s just smut?! And yet Christians shame people for reading and watching porn 😵💫
I loved this! Unfortunately, this has become one of the most underrated channels on CZcams.
Always gotta catch these videos as soon as they come up. Can't have it any other way.
About halfway into this video, I just about flipped my house upside down looking for the only bible I own to see if this was true. Lo and behold, I found myself completing the rest of the video, reading that part of the actual Bible, laughing my ass off, and I'm not even Christian!
I see DarkMatter2525 and I automatically hit play. Let's go!
Ben Shapiro! lmao...He's so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents
I remember reading this as a child and feeling very uncomfortable
Very hilarious and On Point. Thank you!
I talked with my husband about this book.
He's convinced me that these are love letters.
The amature comparisons, nothing really more than compliments about the other person, It makes sense that these are just love letters
Ah, yes, how... sweet. Is he an apologist in general or just a romantic? lol
If you try really really hard you may even convince yourself of that one day...
@@garros Neither really, just by the way it's all phrased it really reads as some love struck young adults
It make sense. A lot of real people write love letters like this. Mozart even wrote a music piece with Liech mein arse.
It is a song actually. There are choir parts, along with the boy and girl solos.
Some people, mostly Christians, claim that the "song of songs" is so wonderfully poetic. In reality it is as ridiculous as we see here.
Is there a DarkMatter version of Deuteronomy chapter 28, verse 15 and onwards? That is the most grotesque text I have ever read.
lol 🤣 🤣🤣🤣 this is way better than an only fans subscription
Lol that was great especially Ben being in there
Can you believe that the muslims actually site this passage as a prophecy pointing towards muhammad
😂😂
How?
"A lot, too much"
"swipe you nose like a credit card"
I am dying of laughter.
Christian: Porn is sinful and destroying our lives. We need to ban ALL OF IT now!
Me: OK, we'll do it your way.
Christian: 😢
That book was straight up from Alabama. The brother/sister bit is a dead give away.
And how in the world did you convince Shapiro to do a voice over? Cap tip to nailing that spot on.
10:14 In Song of Solomon it says "my sister, my spouse" a lot. She wasn't actually his sister but it basically means "I'll be as intimate with you as I am with my sister" because in their culture calling someone a brother or sister was very romantic because it was synonymous with intimacy. I didn't find my conclusion about this in my short research but the fact that calling someone a sibling was synonymous with intimacy obviously implies they were physically intimate with their siblings in that culture which is utterly disgusting.
I looked this up a while ago because I was curious so I forgot what my sources were I'll link them if I find them again though.
Dont you have a search history? Just scroll back
I'm excited as heck to watch this! Your stuff is always *chef's kiss* level quality.
Gods breakdown at the end was priceless omg
You had me laughing to tears with this one!
The green bed 🤣
“Thou” is only used in the subject part of the sentence. The form used in the object part of the sentence is “thee”.
8:10.
The man became the Simpsons now. 😂😂😂
The collaboration with Ben Shapiro was pretty awesome. You should see if he'd be open to do this more often.
OYG, the PornHub music after he said step-brother 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NOT THE BEN SHAPIRO WAP CAMEO 💀
"It means they fuckin' outside."
My wife in the other room was wondering what was so funny.
Mount Carmel but the Wikipedia article😂😭😭😭😭
My super religious dad literally rips Song of Solomon out of all his Bibles, for the last 20 years. And after hearing it here, it is definitely the least erotic story I ever listened to. Calm Down Dad, Song of Solomon won't hurt you, I guarantee it.
same book as "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Not going to lie, this video made my apple tree grow a few inches... 😋
I knew it was going to be the book of songs , it literally kick started my puberty heh
I don't think I've laughed this hard in weeks 😅😂
What are you doing step bro? 😭😂🤣