Why I hate my autism
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- #autism #aspergers #bullying Hey and welcome to my channel! i am a very weird individual who has been diagnosed with autism at a young age. Due to my autism i have been severely bullied for almost seven years and i hate it because it still affects me. BTW i post videos every saturday
I'm 32 and I hate having it too. People take advantage of my loyalty and hardwork and throw me aside like nothing I did ever mattered. My family is like that too.
Society sickens me these days.
I’m 26 years old too people take advantage of me because I have asperger and learning disability and I have to suffer a lot
And that's why we need to band together and fight back against our Neurotypical Oppressors. I have videos on my channel dedicated to such a task!
And that's why we gotta unite against our Neurotypical Oppressors!
You're not alone I have aspergers and personally I hate having it. I am really sound sensitive, I have bad memory, I have a hard time making eye contact, and I can't understand jokes sometimes. It also makes me annoyed when people say that autism is a gift or when people make fun of autistic people cause they don't know what they're going through
And saying it’s a superpower. I don’t agree with that at all
Or saying there is nothing wrong with you
i personally think there’s some pros and cons, definitely more cons than pros though
This comment just made me ball my eyes out I’m so happy to see someone who actually feels the way I do. I always feel like shit for wanting a cure and I abhor anyone who says it’s a “Gift” what kind of gift lowers our life expectancy!? What kind of gift makes us develop depression and anxiety!? What kind of gift makes someone feel like a damn failure there whole life because they have never been able to do what they dreamed of doing since they where 5? Normal childhood? Nope you don’t get to have good friends have fun trying to figure out why they always try and leave you out. Going to a normal high school? HA nope your depression and anxiety and anger issues all stemming from your childhood and along with the fact you where only just diagnosed when you where 14 and just about to start high school, makes it so you get to go to a high school with only 24 other students! What’s that? Oh you and to at least have the college experience? As if! You don’t know what you wanna do in life when the hell have you found the time to think about that? Even if you did what kind of college will accept you? You don’t even have a GPA! And having kids? RIGHT THATS A GOOD ONE! I’m sure I would feel great knowing I’m risking putting my kids at risk of going through what I had to deal with! Just because that is the last chance of having a life you hoped for since you where a kid.
But hey the cool thing is I can hyper focus!😃
But only on things I’m interested in.
Gift my a** 🤦🏻♀️
Exactly, like what kind of bullshit gift is this?
I don’t have Aspergers, I just have flat out Autism and Autism makes me feel suicidal and I’m tired of being different.
Edit: You have the most gorgeous eyes. *hugs you tightly.* If you ever need to talk I can give you my Snapchat. I understand and relate with almost everything you say.
You are not alone, this disorder makes us feel so trapped
Personally it's not the Autism that is making me feel trapped; it's ignorance, discrimination and bigotry and the stigma attached to Autism which makes me feel trapped. People who can't make friends with people on the Autism Spectrum aren't worth the social effort.
Everything this girl is saying is coming from societal conditioned thinking based on stigma, discrimination and bigotry. We are all "different" no one human brain is the same. We don't need to be on medication and people on the Autism spectrum ARE normal. It's the biggots who are annoying. The Soiciopaths, psychopaths and dark triad narcissists out there who are not normal and they know it so they project their poor image onto the most vulnerable people like us in society. This girl needs to focus on her strengths rather than giving the sociopaths, psychopaths and Narcopaths the supply they are getting from this girl's self flagulation.
'Not alone' When we are all lonely?!
@@wolfgang7812 you’re not wrong
@@wolfgang7812 Sorry to sound negative, but does saying that autism caused me trouble bigotry? While yes, it's not OK to treat others horribly over something they can't help, it's like mistreating someone over any other imperfection someone might have they can't help like having deformities or something. I know, it happened to me. But autism caused me more issues than just social issues. I'm also confused with certain things and struggled paying attention at times, and repetitive movements, etc. I wish I don't have these problems. I don't want to be confused, I want to be able to pay attention, socialize better, etc.
@@wolfgang7812 C-O-P-E
And you're not ugly, don't be so down on yourself. You're beautiful.
Thank you 🙏🏼
@@SofieOpsanger you can have better mindsets than the one depending on approval. How didnt you just backlash at everyone?
She is not beautiful, but she can be if she hits the gym and works on herself. She can also develop social skills by rote learning, and learn to control her emotions via meditation. The key here is to realise there isn't anything inherently wrong with her; she is just in a bad situation, and it's for sure made more difficult for her than for other people due to autism, but it's certainly not one she can't escape. She just shouldn't give up on herself.
@@maxkho00 Kts. You have a toxic gym and ableist mentality.
@@SofieOpsanger If you hate your Autism, you kinda hate yourself. Please go to therapy for this.
I also have aspergers and I hate myself for it because people call me a sociopath for not socializing or showing emotions. I have gone through the same problems you have and I hope one day normal people will accept people on the spectrum for who they are.
You know, it's not the person that's getting rejected its the autism. and it is not part of anybody it's just people taking it too seriously
Autism always affects me for a pretty long time now it’s getting annoying when I have it
People will never accept us. It's too easy for them to target us for manipulative purposes and blame us for shit we have no control over. We're fucked for life and I'd rather kill myself than bring another autistic child into this shitty world who will be forced to endure all of the same bullshit.
You au tists can be so mean and hurtful, so why wonder that people avoid you?
Why not befriend ither autists
I can understand your struggles. I was diagnosed in my 20s. My life has been plagued with bad luck and big chunk of it is because of ASD. Everything from being severely bullied by my own friends when I was a child, to being unemployed and ending up homeless on the street. I've never been in a relationship, even when the opportunity was there and I was shown attention, I didn't know what to do or how to act, I couldn't read body language or be sure that it meant what they were trying to communicate. I've been told I'm very good looking by women. But it doesn't matter when the social skills are horrible. I was able to get a University education as a computer programmer, but it has been impossible to get a permanent job in this industry, partly because companies just lie about this whole STEM shortage. So I wasted several years of my life on that alone(not to mention lots of money), so that was just a waste of time on a scam. I've been tricked and fooled. Things have stabilized in the past few years and I do have a job(manual labor) and an apartment to come home to, but I'm now in my mid-to-late 30s. I see my youthful looks deteriorating at an increasing speed. This Corona thing has just added a few years that could have possibly been useful to advance in life. As a teen I lost the few friends I did have(who turned out to be enemies that bullied me), So I've been completely friendless for 2 decades. I pray to God and try to understand why this crappy life was given to me. Nothing's gonna change. Everything is just gonna get worse. Sometimes I just cry in confusion thinking about different events and low points. I tried to stay positive and hopeful. Nothing has gotten any better since I became an adult. I so badly want to have a wife and children, but that's just a pipe dream. I hate false hope. All the help online has been useless with false promises of a life that will never come. I'm at that point where even if everything would resolve in a week, it would not matter anymore because I was supposed to enjoy it as a young person, not as a grumpy old man. I don't understand why Aspies out there keep insisting that it is a Super Power. Super in what exactly? Winning the Retard Olympics? I don't even care about my special interest, I would give it up in a flash and trade it in with everything that normal people take for granted. I can imagine how difficult life is for people who have classical autism, and need care 24/7.
I was diagnosed with level 1 autism a couple of years ago at age 57. Hang in there is all I can say. As far as women, well, if you dedicate yourself to studying seduction with autistic intensity like I did 20 years ago, you’ll have female company. But I don’t recommend it. Seek out autistic women, and be yourself. They’ll be more likely to understand you, and you them. Relationships are hard for most people, and very hard for autistic people. I’ve been single for about half of my adult life, and I’ve been in relationships with women for the other half. There are pluses and minuses to both, but overall, my life is more manageable (and drama free) without close female companionship. Again, if you’re able to focus on learning how to attract women, you’ll have more opportunities to form long term romantic relationships with them. Being alone sucks, but being with someone who’s abusive or simply not right for you is worse. I learned this the hard way. Good luck - there are millions of autistic women in the world, I suggest using some dating apps and being upfront about your condition. That will scare away most non-autistic women, but beware - it might also attract some predatory ones - and autism is not proof against bad personality disorders, so even autistic people can be predatory. It’s less likely from what I’ve seen, but it’s still possible.
I am in your exact position. Was diagnosed early, got bullied for a very long time and i hate myself for it. I totally understand your feelings.
@@gordontims1999 Blame those doing the bullying.
I shut everybody out of my life. I had too. Nobody wants to understand. People are vile.
I know this video is 8 months old, but I have to say it is just what I needed to see. I too am on the spectrum, but its been undiagnosed my entire life (I'm 27). It has caused so much suffering and UTTER self-loathing...I feel like giving up all the time. But oddly enough, hearing you voice your struggles brought me a sense of calm and peace. We are not alone! Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Subscribed.❤
Better late than never isn’t that what they say. Oh I’m so sorry you were diagnosed so late, I cannot fathom how painful that must have been, not knowing why you were different. I don’t think I would have survived if I didn’t have my autism to blame it all on... so in one way I guess the diagnosis saved my life, wow... never thought that would come out of my mouth. Thank you so much, I really needed that realisation!
I am an empath and I can feel your sadness babe 💔🥺 people are so cruel, but you just continue to be yourself ! IF people cannot see you for who you are and only see your diagnosis, something is wrong with them not you!!! Keep your head up ❤️ New subscriber can not wait to see more of your content ! Do not ever stop being yourself
Life With Maribel thank you so much! I just wanted to share my experience with others who might be struggling! ❤️
I dont....I am all that remains.... Goth Bosch Incarnate March 21st, 1965 to March 19th, 2029
I feel you 100%. Im on the spectrum, and i've faced lots of discrimination for it and was bullied too. Honestly it's not you or me, it's just society is cruel to those who are different than them and make them feel inferior and awful. NT society can be cruel to those with disabilities, mental illiness, mental health, and anyone who doesn't fit the norm. To heck with modern society.
@AbdulRahman-lv5pj herbs do nothing for autism.
I hate my autism too.
I agree, I never chose to be this way
I also hate it
I was bullied too for my autism a few times. Old friends came and went. I cant understand social cues. Im loud and only had a blank expression. I cannot understand "harmless" jokes aimed at me. I have nothing in common with my family. I often fought with my siblings growing up. I try to get the last word or win but i never did. I did not want to be autistic anymore. I talk to myself cus i was often making up scenes or characters in my head but i then get caught and asked "who are you talking to?" And i felt so awkward. Weird. Like i was a different species of human altogether. Its hard to fit in and its lonely.
I regret everything I say, everything I say I think I'm a weirdo, tell me I'm not the only one who has this
@@Frangoargo I do this this all the time!Everything I say I feel weird and I constantly watch what I say.
I understand. I have no friends. My family hates me. I see right through people's crap. I'm angry inside. I'll never have a real life, the American dream.
I hate my autistic
I feel you John
Same here
@@eraniklihsuk sorry to hear bud. Not fun!
More like American nightmare
I’m autistic, and I hate my condition. I don’t see it as something that should be accepted, I see it as a hellish mental disease that I wish was curable. If a cure for autism were somehow possible, I’d support it in a heartbeat.
I just want to be normal dammit
I agree, I hate how there's an "autism" simulator availabile but not the other way around. Why can't autistic people experience what it feels like to be normal?!
@catguy4996 I think autism and all other disabilities are a punishment from God because we humans are stubborn creatures, which is why we live in a fallen world. Man chose to rebel against our creator.
you're not alone. I have hated my Autism ever since I was diagnosed, I am the only one in my family too, I was bullied all the time in school. I struggle to talk to officials, I suffer from depression and I'm only 16. I've tried to kill myself many times. I've also been excluded from many things, even discriminated by officials/ people underestimating my abilities. People will NEVER understand how hard it is being on the spectrum... I'm never happy, I hate my autism. I always see it as something i want to get rid of, People baby me and belittle me and it upsets me, and it upsets me when people use Autism for clout, I will never be proud to have it, all I've ever wanted is to be accepted by society
I was diagnosed with autism due to a traumatic brain injury or TBI for short, I couldn’t even talk until I was about 4 to 5 years old I have been robbed and trapped throughout my whole life and I understand your pain I hate my autism too It makes my life absolute hell 😭 😢
I hate my autism too. I despise it. I hope one day I won’t hate it so much, but it sucks so bad. I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4. I have a hard time being around others with autism, because it just reminds me how much I hate my own autism. I hate even being around people who are neural divergent. I don’t dislike the people, I just hate the reminder of how sad and painful it is to be different. It hurts, it sucks, it’s lonely and life just feels like it’s giving you the double middle finger. So yeah, I hate my autism.
Same here. I absolutely despise being around other people with the condition even though I have it. Hell, I hate being around anyone with much of any obvious mental disorder that makes them act abnormally.
@@morsecode980 I can tolerate some other autistic people, but not others. I hate saying that, but it's the truth. I really don't like the types of people who want to get super close to me and have no concept of personal space/boundaries, especially if they're energetic and chaotic - that totally freaks me out. I'd prefer to be ignored by someone who's absorbed in a game or something.
I feel the same way.
I’m sorry! Like I wouldn’t wish this feeling upon anyone 😥
@@SofieOpsangerthank you for sharing your authentic emotional experience and life experience. I love you!
I wish I didn’t have this disorder I feel like it has taken away so much from me, I am ‘high functioning’ and have the most supportive family. But no matter what there is something wrong with me, everyone is different I am not special but I am different.
It’s like the world is in a circle and I’m outside of the line, basic things to other people are a struggle for me. I am sick of having a brain that desires human contact more than anything but is scared of it more than anything
Being an autistic extrovert definitely is a struggle. A lot of the fear element is a trauma response, not innate. I've never had great social skills, but when I was young I was fearlessly outgoing, it was the constant social trainwrecks with NTs that have me social anxiety. Finding other autists makes it easier, though we then often have to deal with the trauma responses that each other's social struggles have implanted, and those can interact in unpleasant ways.
Hey Sofie, I was also diagnosed on the spectrum myself when I was younger.
For a huge part of my life, I felt very different and often felt isolated when I was in school.
Over the years, I have become a lot more out going.
But the #1 thing I learned is to not try and fit in.
“Fitting in” for me anyways, means settling with being average!
It’s way better to stand out and be proud of who you are, than to try and force fitting in with others who will only bring you down.
I’m not sure if you are familiar with Sweet Anita (she is a Twitch streamer/CZcamsr with tourrets syndrome), but something she said at one point was the more comfortable you can become with who you are, the more accepting others will be.
Also, I would recommend you to worry more about things you can control and that bring you satisfaction.
I think CZcams is a great option because doing videos is good practice for improving the way you communicate and you can discuss whatever your passionate about here!
The more you focus on constantly improving and growing yourself, the better you will feel overall.
Hope this helps! 😄
Arie Ortiz thank you so so much! It really means a lot to here it from someone on the spectrum! ❤️ but I think much of the reason I try to fit in is that I’m scared to get bullied again, even tho I know it’s not going to happen 🙈 it’s just an uncontrollable fear I have.
Sofie Opsanger that’s understandable.
I will also say this though, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to put this video out there.
There’s plenty of people that will relate to you and being vulnerable on here shows you’re strong!
But yeah, I would definitely recommend checking out Sweet Anita’s story.
It’s very interesting and I think you will really like it!
She tells her story on this podcast here: soundcloud.com/oplshow/living-with-severe-tourettes-syndrome
She’s really funny too 😂
will deff. check it out! and thank you again :)
It's nice to know there's someone out there who experiences life the same way.
Whenever a "Neurotypical" accuses you of a negative trait, please remember that they are projecting onto you. You know yourself better than anyone else!
I think it’s beautiful how vulnerable and real you are in this video. It has such a powerful message. As someone with a physical disability, I know it’s not the same and not any cause for comparison, but I know what it’s like to feel different or like people react to you differently. Please know that I can tell from this video that you are an incredible and strong person. I’d love to be CZcams friends.
I’ve subscribed ❤️
Mac&T. Thank you for this sweet comment! And you having a physical instead of a psychological problem does not make your problem lesser! We all struggle, and this is kinda for anyone who might need it disability or not we all deserve to be treated with kindness!❤️❤️
@@SofieOpsanger that gives you a advantage over a lot of people I’m autism and I have a full time job and I’m doing fine and your disability doesn’t define who you r and I get it the situation is very different for each autism person but having low self esteem is not going to help your situation u need to lift your head up and know your strength and weaknesses and every human has a weakness disability or not
@@SofieOpsanger like if u have a weakness use something else to Substitute for your weakness I know it more easy said then done but there r many paths to take
@@SofieOpsanger having a lot of enemies means your doing something right and that the world u live in u can’t be friends with everybody.
From my perspective it looks to me your trying to find your self who u truly r and I know how you feel it’s not easy and that for anyone
This was very brave. Man's inhumanity to man is so real. Thanks for your video.
A lot of the time when people say that they hate their autism I feel it’s more of we hate the way people treat us because of our autism, than actually being autistic. Autism affects so much of who I am that I wouldn’t be the same without it , it definitely has its downs but there are some ups that I would never be willing to give up, it’s just not worth it to me. I wouldn’t want to be cured I just want to be accepted and supported. (But everyone’s different and that’s just my opinion) But please don’t say such hurtful things about yourself, I’m sure your a wonderful person you are pretty and nice, and don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you differently.
K-diggity-dog , Kendall much of what you say here is so completely true. I do believe that much of the reason I ‘hate’ my autism is because of what people have told me/ treated me. Yes I do have positives with my autism which I will definitely talk about in the future, but this video was made when I was in a dark set of mind, which I often find myself in. But again, thank you! ❤️
This was so sad to watch. I wish more people would see now hard it is so they could understand.
People on the autism spectrum don't need a cure we are not sick, those who think we are; are sick it's their projection put upon us.
@@wolfgang7812 let's be honest, autism is a spectrum, and a lottery. Even if all the stigma in society towards autism (and all other mental/physical health issues etc) was removed, people would still struggle because of their conditions.
Ableism, ignorance and vile attitudes certainly don't help us, but the world/society themselves just aren't geared towards neurodivergent people in the first place.
Some people probably would like a cure, but that's a whole other can of worms.
This video really helped me to recognize that I'm not alone in dealing with it, thank you. I'm typing this right after coming from a painful experience with some peers at uni. I was misunderstood as having bad intentions and as meaning things that I didnt. I tried explaining myself over messages, and was still misunderstood. It's horrible having what can feel like a different brain to everyone else. I was made to feel like a monster who made others uncomfortable, something I never wanted or intend to do, truth is we're often just well-intentioned people who seem to think and speak in a different language to everyone around us. Hell, even among autistics, theres still often these language differences, so-to-speak. It's agony. Watching videos of how it impacts not just myself but others out there helps with healing I think :)
Sofie Opsanger, I also have trouble concentrating in school. I daydream a lot. I try to focus, but it's very complicated. I get a lot of anxiety in school, especially when I take tests because I take forever taking tests even though you only get limited time on them. I get so anxious that I will get fussed at for taking too long.
And I get mad when I see other students finish before me. Processing information takes me a lot longer than other students. So don't worry, you're not alone.
Oh I’m so sorry! Yeah I know the feeling, I have to retake some classes right now to get my grades up 🙃
Don’t call yourself ugly. Internal dialogue is important. You’re not ugly.
Being different is a good thing. “Normal” isn’t normal.
No matter what you think about yourself, you’re a beautiful young lady, and I assure you that you’re loved, and many people feel the same way you do. You’re not alone.
PLEASE don’t be down on yourself, people care, or at least I do.
Literally in tears from this great video.
I hate autism. It ruins my life. My younger siblings are living their lives except for me. It sucks
My heart hurts for the pain you feel. I work with individuals with autism, who are non-verbal. It’s different to hear from someone on the spectrum explain how they feel and see things. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray things will get better for you. Also, don’t allow a label to define you. Although you may have aspergers, you can be whomever you want to be. Many friends may sound like a must, but in reality we all have a few friends and more acquaintances. Have a wonderful day. 💙
DEMPOGIZ 808 no thank YOU! ❤️ and thank you for your kind comment! It’s just sometimes discouraging when I see how easy it is for others to get friends while I have to struggle! 😅
I understand, keep making videos!
Yeah I hate being on the Autism Spectrum and it caused me to be depressed and also leaded me to smoking cigarettes🚬 everyday it sucks we live in a cruel world😔
At least there will be no more stupid autism in heaven I hope!
I have aspergers too, I know times can be difficult however try to not let the diagnosis upset you- the diagnosis can help you understand yourself and help you with finding a job. If you have an interest try an have a career to do with that an you'll excel. You seem like such a lovely girl your family and friends are lucky to have you in their lives 😊 remember there is no such thing as normal anyway
Thank you so much for these words of encouragement! I just wish I could work with my interests, but I don’t really know how to as there isn’t really a lot of options for what I’m interested in 🙃
I have Aspergers too. I was picked on in school, but not for being on the spectrum, as I was not diagnosed at that point. I think it was I was just odd to them 🤷🏻♀️.
I found out later that when my school was asked by my parents if I could be referred to someone who would evaluate me, the school said I can’t be autistic/on the spectrum because, and I quote, “she’s a nice girl”.
My parents asked for the number of the school psychiatrist for me to see them, but they refused to give the number. You could only reach them through the school, and they refused to put them in contact, seeing as how they thought they knew better, despite my parents insisting. It still makes me angry.
Yeah I would still have been picked on even if I didn’t know. And how your school reacted is outrageous! I guess that they weren’t familiar that autism in girls are totally different than autism in boys. I my parents luckily got to go assess me before I even started school because I was so weird 😂
Same - I was diagnosed at 17, not told for another 10 years - bullied almost relentlessly from primary/first to high school. I couldn't see how I was so different to anyone else, but there must have been something really obvious to the other kids for that to happen. I never was, and still am not, the sort of person who will go out of their way to bother or upset anyone else on purpose.
As a high school teacher, I have had many students like you, and that is not bad. Things will never be fair for you, but I assure you that there are people in the world who do understand you, and are happy to have people like you in their lives.
I relate with you 100% .I don't have a diagnosis but from very early age i could sense that i was different and i hated it . I was psychologicaly abused emotionally neglected and traumatized born in a disfunctional family who would call me sick so i was trained to mask and pretend all my life as i was scared of my own family... then i was called mean so i had to choose being labeled sick or just a bad person .I have chosen to be called bad because it least people respected me then .Deep inside i knew i was autistic but i was hiding it really well i was able to hide it even from professionals because i was reading psychology on my own since 6 yearsold as i was trying to figure out people and their motives. Im 28 now and i am so scared and frightened to finally get an official diagnosis because it awakens my trauma as being "the sick child " ....i have complex post traumatic stress disorder because of my childhood and getting this diagnosis I'm afraid it will make me feel powerless and exposed to the same abuse i got as a child . I cried with you when you cried .I relate so much.
"You prolly just see a ugly person.. chehehehe" damn that's just how I feel everyday but your a freaking knockout like so pretty 😍 I'd give anything to have eyes as nice as yours I am stuck with my brown oness
Your also drop dead gorgeous
You are not alone 💙 I'm returning to this video from last year because I'm still having continuous recurrent problems that I thought would stop but it doesnt stop it just keeps getting harder and harder and I'm not going to give up even when I felt like it. I'm so fed up right now
I know you are talking about a very sad and emotional topic but I couldn’t stop looking at your eyes! Ironically tho, because I’m autistic too and I hate eye contact but I’ve never seen eyes that deep and rich shades of turquoise before! Gorgeous!
I’m autistic too, and I agree - she’s beautiful - and not just her eyes. Her soul.
I have autism and I feel the same as you. So don't worry, you're not alone. I have almost the same problems as you growing up, plus I feel like I'm hardly good at anything except writing. I also struggled in school sometimes. It's a miracle I graduated high school with mostly decent grades even though I never took special ED., despite struggling with paying attention sometimes.
Sorry to hear about this chickee that you're going through this girl. Don't let others bully you etc. It's tough and yes people can be cruel and seems to not understand what life is like for others. Kudos to you for sharing this with us girl. I give you high praise for you. ❤️❤️❤️🐱🐱🦋🦋
Aspie Answers ❤️ thank you for your kind comment! It’s just sometimes discouraging when I see how easy it is for others to get friends while I have to struggle! 😅
@@SofieOpsanger you're welcome chic anytime xx. It does take time to make friends and then do our best to be ourselves as I said earlier that if anyone isn't willing to get to know us as a person that's their loss. All we can do is be ourselves and that there's going to be people who will love us and accept us for who and what we are. I did make a vidoe about how to make friends with people who has autism and ADHD somewhere on my playlist. There's a lot of people who comes and goes in our lives as well as there is always a season for change. If you need to talk etc, feel free to message me.
People that say people are ugly suck I refused to be friends with anyone in my old school for that reason always too small too... insert insult here. We are all unique. I was told off for shape and my low weight
(still acceptable medically soeaking) I struggle with that. I think its one of the most viles aspects of people.
I struggle with what I suspect is adhd neurodivergence, or maybe just really bad stunted social skills (but there are many symptoms that point to ADHD). Even just that has already hugely impacted my life. I always knew I was weird. Always broody and or too nerdy on some things. Until my current age of 28, I've only just began to let the idea sink in that my childhood trauma of just thinking I wasn't enough all the time, may just be a huge umbrella trauma that falls under ADHD.
I can't imagine how difficult and agonizing it must be to have Aspergers, which I feel cranks the social difficulties to 11. It's so hard. Even now I'm just here, getting my morning started, and I'm watching this emotional video and the entire time I can't stop shaking my leg. Or stimming the edges of my blanket. UGH. Who knows maybe I'm even on the spectrum. My specialist will have to find out.
I wish everyone who deals with social ailments the strength to overcome their journey
I too have Asperger's Syndrome and I know exactly how you feel! There are days in which I feel like it was best I wasn't here any more, sadly 💔 That being said you are definitely a very beautiful and loveable fellow Aspie and you are perfect just the way you are ❤
I understand your pain and frustration. I have Asperger syndrome and it makes my life so tedious. People look at me like I'm from outer space. I have terrible problems with listening and absorbing information, and expressing my opinions in an abundant and well-spoken manner. I have trouble making eye contact, my eyes swing all over place. People think maybe I don't like them or I'm being hostile. I've had people scream and laugh at me so loud and hard, give dirty looks, and stare at me like I'm crazy. They often think I'm stupid because I rarely speak a word. I'm also dead pan when I'm talking, in a literal sense, so they think I'm so serious. To sum it all up, I have no social life and no partner. I can't count how many people made fun of me and scrutinized me. I always imagined that I could be a normal person, guess I was wrong. Cool thing is I'm no depressed or have any bad thoughts, but feel that I'm missing out on life. It's just horrible.
This is very relatable. Thank you for having the courage to talk about it.
I have Asperger's and ADD too, and I absolutely fucking hate it. I try to accept it, but it haunts me 24 7.
Yes it’s so hard to except that I was ‘cursed’ to have this...
I- SAME
I had the good fortune of having a mother who was a psychiatrist diagnose my at five, and she did what she could to help me grow up relatively well. After my folks split and I was doing summer visitation with my father and step-mother was when I legitimately felt the impact of being an Aspie, what with being emotionally and psychologically abused.
I hated being on the Spectrum for nearly a decade since. Now, as I've entered my Thirties, I've come to accept Asperger's as a series of challenges to deal with. Even the neurotypical has challenges I could not foresee myself dealing with, so I'm simply thankful that I was able to adapt and get to the next day. I have a stable job, nothing fancy, but it suits an Aspie like me just right.
I can't fault you for hating having Autism (I've wished I was born normal for many years), but I'm just going to say that there are ways to adapt to the rest of the world. A solid support group will help you, and I'm more than willing to give some tips that have helped me, at least.
I'm not even the kind of Autistic thats blessed with being intelligent. Instead, I'm noticeably slow once you get to see me in any situation beyond talking to me for 5 seconds. I've been mocked for being spacey and slow my entire life. I'm dumber than a box of rocks and the most painful part is I'm just smart enough to be aware of it. I can really feel it when Im around normal people my age and I can tell hiw socially stinted and incapable I am. On top of it all, I'm below average looking which just compounds the misery and robs any hope of a normal life that much more. Autisim isnt always a "cute" and "quirky" thing, it can be a punishment that condems you to a life of suffering.
@MyMProductions3
What you describe may not be a simple case of being dumb; people who are truly dumb don’t usually see themselves as such……
I think your problem is mostly “processing disorder”, which is common in autism. Because of the way our brains work, it takes us longer to go through our thoughts, and to give an answer or continue with a conversation. We analyse and examine everything before answering, which looks quite dumb. Being socially stinted is admittedly VERY annoying; I cope by just avoiding people altogether……
Unfortunately, today’s society and social media etc set great store by how people look, but I’m sure you know how stupid and shallow that is! Never forget that. Autistic friends might be better company for you.
Best wishes for the future, and try to find comfort in knowing there are many like us, including famous people, who face the same challenges. (If you watch Elon Musk being interviewed, you can see his processing disorder clearly).
Regards from UK. 🇬🇧
What I seriously hate the most is when people use the word "autistic" as an insult. They really aren't helping.
Wow. And I thought I was the only one facing a lot of the same challenges you are Sofie, in my battle with being autistic.
Listening to your story I went thru a lot of the same things when I was young.
And still face alot of the same challenges your going through.
Just embrace being different. It's ok to be different.
I'm not the crying type of autistic.
Nor am I able to tell the viewers as well as you did how autism affects one self.
Instead I just bottle it all up until i can't bottle it anymore.
I am a late diagnosed asperger/asd1 person I can relate much to the things you describe even though i had no idea why i struggled so hard until I was 26. I did not experience the same level of teasing/ bullying as you but my inability to be like everyone else was made fun of and I started to shut down trough self hatred. Now I just hope I can find the pieces of me that I lost/suppressed to fit in and find a place where I can be all of me and function at my highest potential.
I'm 30 next month and was never diagnosed. I just figured it out myself a few months ago.
I hate being autistic, I hate all the struggles it brings. I don't understand why other people are like "but it makes you who you are" or "you're just differently abled".
No, I'm not "differently abled" I'm DIS-abled. I struggle with almost everything, daily life is more difficult than it should be. I cannot understand people who are pretending autism is a gift. It's not. It's a curse. There's not a single area of my life it doesn't touch.
A formal diagnosis probably won't help me now, I should have had extra help during my education, but instead I went to university for 4 years, forcing myself through hell every day, repeating years and wasting thousands of pounds, to ultimately drop out because I was so depressed and anxious, and constantly overstimulated.
My executive function is so terrible, I can't even remember to brush my teeth in the morning, unless I'm going to work. I can't handle working more than 30 hours a week regularly because I get burnt out so easily.
I will never be able to handle pregnancy or motherhood. I know I would regret having children because I've regretted having pets in the past. I just can't look after anything bigger than a hamster and even then, most of my house plants are dead or dying.
Autism isn't really a gift or a curse. There are things that suck and things that rock. I definitely have significant issues with executive function and burnout, and I've definitely suffered on account of my autism, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
My mom is quite possibly on the spectrum, and she's definitely killed house plants, but she's never killed me :-)
@@JonBrase I also am a killer of house plants. My old boss pulled me up on it a lot (I was a cleaner in a nursing home. I still clean, in a different setting and luckily the only plant I come into contact with at work now is fake).
I’ve always felt the same way. I just didn’t know why. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my 30s. It’s not any easier being undiagnosed, unfortunately.
I hate the fact that I go into burnouts all the time. It ruined almost all my relationships.
I want to socialise, however it is so exhaustive to me to even say hello to people at times. I feel so trapped in this thing, and I hate it.
My daughter has pda autism, she’s 18, her life is incredibly difficult, she’s lonely, unwell, has complex health problems. My heart breaks for her.
When I was in Year 10 (British 9th grade) the other kids voted me as the 'No 1 Weirdest person in the school'. Sometimes I myself think it's funny, sometimes I think it's a reminder that I'll never be normal. I try to see everything as joke, a psychologist once said to me that I must think of autism as a 'superpower'. I almost argued with her, but I just say that as a joke now.
Just rewatched this with my husband and we love you! You're truly amazing and we can't wait for your next upload ❤
Thank you! It really means a lot!
i wish this disorder never exist!
Same here. I can promise I would be way more happy without it
@@pastelrose2261 Same!
Same here
I hate my autism
I have Asperger's, wasn't diagnosed till I was almost 23 because I am fairly intelligent so no one caught it. Course also late 20th century in a poor neighborhood also just as likely that no one cared. But I was mostly a pariah, kids bullied me heavily. Tried to burn me once, another time the school nurse had to extract a pebble from my arm, girls pretended to ask me out.
When I got my diagnosis it pretty much destroyed me. Wife was abusive as is and often about me not being able to support us. Diagnosis meant I never would and she left a year and a half later. But despite all this it is not the autism's fault. We are bullied, dehumanized, and reviled not because we are different. It is because many humans are just hateful little xenophobes and they outnumber us by a lot. Weird is not as bad as they think. Weird people made most of the things they rely on.
I think it's actually NORMAL that most people are different from one another.
It's about time we start learning our children this instead of teaching them that
it's wrong !!!❤
Yes! ❤🙌
I am tearing up watching this because I feel so sad that you have such pain and suffering from this and I feel like you’re speaking the very words from my heart!! When I got diagnosed and learned I can not recover or outgrow these things… I feel so depressed and shattered. You are a wonderful person, it shows. Your tears move me to tears! You said everything I feel too
Thank you for sharing your story, you're reaching others who have maybe gone through the same struggles. I hope you find some healing in the years ahead.
Eric Hossinger thank you! I really think a lot of people have the same experience and I was hoping that i could help some
Autism has been a curse for me as well. It has left me a very stunted, romantically inexperienced, unconfident adult. At 45, I am still alone and feel very left behind. My formative years were similarly socially traumatic and they left a lasting impression that echoes to the present. Watching everyone else's life progress around me while watching from the sidelines has been especially depressing. The only thing I want most in life continues to elude me.
Feeling alone is terrible. You are not alone though. I’m autistic too, as are millions of others. We are finding each other more and more through forums like this. Stay strong - normal people are awful towards us because they are ignorant. We need to educate them. If that doesn’t work, we need to avoid them in favor of autistic people.
I also hate my autism bacuase it limits me. I cant keep a job, my collegues think im weird they call me lazy and disorganized. People think im rude because of the way i express myself. I am called childlike all the time. I lost my marriage because of my poor communication skills. Now im an unemployed autistic single mom with an autistic son.
i feel you, I feel like the world doesnt accomodate us as much as we need and the social discrimination is traumatic sometimes 💔 I have aspergers and im a pretty sensitive person and with my aspergers and ADD , high school was a dumpster dive
You are beautiful, and so is your autism. It’s normal people who are horrible. Sadistic bullying conformists. Cowards who pick on those they see as different. Those who can’t conform to their rules or fit into their shallow social structures. Everything you say reflects my experience as well. Ask yourself this: “Do I really want to be like the people who’ve rejected me?” I’m guessing that the answer is “No - I just hate being ostracized and bullied. I hate being misunderstood. I hate feeling alone, and I hate being tortured by sensory environments and experiences that are too intense for my nervous system”
Well, your life is hard. Almost impossible.
But you are not alone. I’m living with many of the same things you’ve described. So are millions of other autistic people. You’re doing the right thing here. You’re reaching out. I hear you, and I stand with you.
I’ve just seen this four years late! I feel your pain. I was diagnosed with having some of th traits of autism but I didn’t tick enough of the boxes to say I have it fully. But it’s best I think to not label yourself.
Like you I hated school but found my passion in art. I found someone who encouraged my talent and passion.
Maybe find something you are passionate about and believe you can do it! And there will be people who will be by your side. Stay strong. Sending love ❤️
Hi Sofie, wishing you all the happiness in the world from the UK. 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
Thank you so much James 🙏🏼 it truly means a lot
I'm sorry you feel this way. I was just diagnosed with autism last year at age 47. Please don't hate yourself.
It is refreshing to finally hear honesty instead of gaslighting
I hate it too. What pisses me off is that there are people fighting AGAINST a cure for us!
I just want to be a normal typical teenage girl ;(
Same here
I hate it, too. Especially the social issues. It’s never going to get better.
Youre the coolest, most fun and real person i know and im super proud to call you my best friend❤️❤️❤️ miss u babe, og gleder meg til du kommer på besøk😘
aww i love you!!
I know this is old, but this is definitely how I feel too
I feel like I failed because I’m autistic. And my freaking parents and siblings and EVERYONE hates me. I was told by my sister that well your obviously disabled ☹️😪 I feel like that was offensive. And I was told terrible things that you can’t even imagine. Was told that I was autistic at 2 years old. And I feel like this is gonna fucking kill me. I’ll never have a normal life.
Goddamn that hurts! For real man! I can definitely feel what you're trying to convey as a fellow autistic!
Please don't give up. You're not alone, I feel with you.
Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of the camera.
Sending love and hugs xxxx you only need a few friends babe I understand your pain so much but looking at you your so strong and I think you got this. Xxx
Being different is what makes you special. You are a beautiful person. 😊it will get better. You are young. It’s hard to be young let alone with the condition you have.
1. Ugly person? Who said that to you? How dare they. Lemme at 'em! (Kidding)
2. It's amazing how people fail to understand what bullying does to a person who already feels so different. It's especially painful when teachers and parents point at those differences so often. It's as if no one knows how to tap into the child's strengths. And by the time the children grow up, Same bust and learn over a decade of painful memories and abusive language. It sounds like that's what's happened to you, isn't it?
3. Edit: Please let me know if you have found a friend or a group in all this pandemic awfulness. I hope you have someone to give a hug and respectfully help you since this video.
I hate being autistic. So much. It’s not a superpower or fun and quirky. It’s hell. It’s taken my chance for a normal life for normal relationships, a normal job. My whole life has been miserable. I just want to be good. I just want to be normal. I just want what everyone else has. But I can never have it. Ever. And that’s the most devastating part. It is me. There’s no cure for who I am.
I used to wish I was cured from my neurodivergency. I remember when an old hag who was a coworker of mine used to accuse me of being "evil", even though I grieved my lost my mother and my mother's last husband always acted creepy toward me and toward certain women in my life. My mother's husbands and my former coworker loved to bully autistic persons and ADHDers
and, yeah, my stepdad blamed me for my mother's death. He even used her cellphone to send me harassment via text messages just after my mother died. A really messed up guy
Good morning. This is hard, I understand you. I noticed that people with autism always want to adjust their own behavior to suit those around them. But what if others adjusted themselves to suit us? What if it could be normalized. Its awesome that you talked aobut this, because it is important that others understand us. A lot of these struggles happen because people do not understand. When I was younger, I would have people always pretend they were my friend because they'd want to work with me on homework, but they didn't really want to be friends, they would bully me and say things like "I don't want to work with her" or they'd say things to laugh at me for being kinda gullible at times like "Did you know we all are your friend?" They would say this in a sarcastic way, but because I get confused with sarcasm, it would be really hard to understand. When people talk and communicate it makes it difficult because people do not see a physical ailment and they do not understand the struggle. But I do want you to know you are not alone, there are many others like this who understand you who would want to be your friend. Not everyone hates you. There are a lot of people who do like you, matters fact, I like you! It shouldn't matter if I like you though, what matters most, is you love yourself. You have strengths. You are not just annoyance. The things that you are specially interested in, takes those and embrace them and help make the world better. I can tell you are vigilant by making this video. The anxiety is real. I understand it. I do really well in some classes, but some classes I do not do the best in because its all about having the correct teacher/instructor and directions so you can understand things. Once you find the correct people to work with you you will notice all your grades will do better, its not your fault if your grade are unwell. Its how its being explained.
Also - weird is subjective. Do you think you are weird? I don't think you are weird!
Judgement - people judge, but if they judge that is on them, its not your fault. If someone takes time to judge you it says so much more about them than you.
I really hope you can find a place where you like having Autism, and realize that its not inherently a bad thing. Its just finding the positives.
I get scared to this day to make a lot of friends as well, but I refuse to blame myself because of others' inconsistencies.
Autism is not a bad thing, but lots of people make it to be that, there are a lot of positives to it and I think its important to focus on that! You can always message me and we can be friends if you like. These are the reasons I recently started my channel to bring normalization, understanding, and inclusion! Much love! xx
Honey there is no normal. Everyone has something. You are a gift!
Bless your heart made me get choked up. I do understand and wish I could give you a big hug ❤
I feel the same way. I hate my Autism and other disorders in many ways. And the worse part is that it's invisible. There's been so many times in my life where I wanted my Autism gone, trust me. I don’t get how some enjoy the condition because I don't! And I was diagnosed early as well.
I have been bully everyday and didn't have the social skills. I feel like you are telling my story especially when it comes to meeting people and trying to make friends. I'm 52 and I have to learn how to have self-worth. Please don't feel you are alone in this and I could still cry at the drop of a hat. I learned how to mask up to have a security job going on 6 years. I would be so happy to have an authentic friend such as yourself. ❤
You’re amazing
Drunk 3PO so are you! ☝🏼
I just came across your video and I am sorry you are feeling such pain and sadness because of your diagnosis. As a teacher I work with autistic students all the time, and I always try to be very nice and encouraging to them. Some of them are the smartest kids I've ever known. You are very smart and beautiful person so please don't think so negatively of yourself. I hope you are feeling better now and I pray for you that you would know your worth and value. Your life matters! Thank you for sharing your story with us
I totally understand how you feel this has been my life for 48 years. I just dont even try to make friends anymore. Im married and the only person who even has anything to do with me is my husband and he is always complaining of how I annoy him. When I talk I talk too much, or too loud, or keep repeating myself. I will always hate myself.
You really are classically beautiful. Your skin, your eyes. Your hair. You just need to meet more neuro diverse people. Forget the so-called "perfect" people. You need a support system. Once you have it you will be safe to explore your interests. You have a purpose. You just need to find it.
I used to be like you when I was younger like in my school and college days, I am more excepting of it now than I was when I was in college, but there are still sometimes times when my autism bothers me due to me feeling like people don't understand me... When I was in college my autism bothered me for a different reason and as a teenager, my autism bothered me since I just wanted to be a normal teenager like everyone else, but everyone is different anyway, just because we are autistic doesn't mean we aren't normal
I want to be cured of my autism.
Same
I hate my disability too, everytime I try and do something I keep making mistakes and I always fuck things up.
I so hope that this young woman has changed her d about being autistic. I am an older missed autist. I remember feeling the way she felt, feeling weird, unlovable, unlikeable, lonely, and stupid. I was labeled as mentally retarded when I was in third grade. i couldn't tell time easily until I was in high school. I had a hard time understanding Venn diagrams. I couldn't operate a lock and key. I am still really clumsy. But it turned out I was mentally gifted in some ways. I went to college, graduated with honors,went to grad school. I still do not have lots of friends, but that is mostly because socializing takes lots of energy and I don't feel like it. Now I am in my 50s and after living a rather painful life I wouldn't banish autism from my brain if I could. I am who I am because I am autistic, and I like who I am. And if other people don't like me I don't really care. If you are a young person in pain it does get better. And we are not valuable because of how intelligent we are. I was a valuable person before my giftedness was discovered. i was kind, courteous, and generous. Nothing about me changed because I am gifted. I was those things before I knew I was gifted, and I am those things now. If you are reading this and you are suffering try to find other autistic young people for community. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. You were not born broken. Most of the problems we have are caused by a society that doesn't support us, but we can and should support each other.
New subscriber 🙋♀️ I can already tell that I'm going to be a permanent subscriber, feel like we as an audience really got to know you x
PLANETHOLLIEWAD thank you so much! ❤️
I hate it too, sometimes it’s just like a gift from the devil
thier is no devil.
That part of you that is aware that you're not perfect, that's the real you. Ask the "real you" to teach you how to love yourself in acceptance.
Hi from the UK! As I watched your video, I started tearing up and felt ever so strongly emotional about your story living with Asperger’s as I can relate to exactly the same feelings you have experienced over the years, purely the same actually. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was around 6/7 years old and I’m now 28. I was also diagnosed with severe ADHD a few years ago which has caused me extreme impulsive behaviour, hyperactivity and focus problems. But your feelings and experiences with Asperger’s sounds directly on par with what I’ve gone through with it and the way it’s left me feeling over the years to date. I’ve always felt different to others, although I come across as your average Joe. I get people’s expressions wrong all the time for example someone is feeling tired and I get it mixed up with that person being in a bad mood with me or something is wrong or I think I’ve done or said something wrong to upset them. I can get social paranoia which interferes with my communication skills and It makes me feel like people are looking directly at me thinking I’m weird or different to everyone else. This was especially the case when I was in high school in my teens. I had a friendship group but I was always the quiet and socially awkward one with constant anxiety flowing through me including panic attacks every morning before school and would do everything I could to get out of going there. I always felt annoying to others, not shutting up about certain topics I was completely obsessed with. I’ve always had emotional dysregulation problems and it takes the most slightest thing to set me off crying and feeling depressed and worthless. I’ve always hated autism in myself because of the difficulties it has brought for me through my life and still does now. I’ve been tried on all sorts of medications over the years to help with anxiety it brings along with it such as Prozac, Zoloft, Risperidone and as needed or 'prn' Valium or Ativan for panic attacks which I only take if absolutely necessary. You seriously aren’t alone with this and there are so many other people in the same boat as us with how autism affects our quality of life and relationships. You are truly a precious human with a beautiful personality and looks and I wish I personally knew someone like yourself I could relate to with these struggles we face. You are more than welcome to reach out to me via private messaging on here for any support or someone to talk to about these things as I can purely relate to your struggles, literally exactly the same experiences. I really do hope you are managing to cope well enough since you posted this video and I wish I could support you somehow as I will always put others who struggle with these things first before myself, it’s always been in me to be like that. But just remember, who you are is beautiful from inside to out and I wish there was more people like you around!
Myles x