The Power of Not Caring or Being Afraid Of A Narcissistic Injury. Observe Don't Absorb Explanations
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- čas přidán 5. 08. 2021
- In this video, Ross Rosenberg further elaborates on his Observe Don't Absorb, Induced Conversation, emotional manipulation, and escaping narcissist abuse concepts. By using the adage, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound," Ross explains how and why Pathological Narcissists are able to exploit, trigger, and manipulate those with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency). The primary message is once you truly separate from the narcissist (emotionally and physically), they will be completely unable to get in your head, and manipulate within a relationship.
More detailed information is included in Self-Love Recovery Institute's "50-Shades of Pathological Narcissism" live webinar and video recording of it. To register for the webinars or to purchase its videos, go here: bit.do/50_Shades_of_Narcissism
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a globally renowned psychotherapist, educator, expert witness and testimony provider. He is considered an expert with Self-Love Deficit Disorder™ (codependency), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, trauma/PTSD, and his "Codependency Cure/Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. Ross is the creator, CEO, and primary content creator for his Self-Love Recovery Institute company.
Ross is a highly sought after keynote speaker and educator who has presented in over 30 (USA) States and internationally. He's been featured nationally on national TV, podcasts and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books has sold over 125K copies which has been translated into 10 languages. His CZcams Channel has amassed 20 million video views and 220K subscribers.
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#narcissism #personalitydisorders #mentalhealth #rossrosenberg - Zábava
One favorite ploy of my ex narc was purposefully starting an argument right at bedtime, knowing that I would then be too upset to sleep and therefor unable to do what I had scheduled for the following day. I didn’t realize til after I ended our relationship that sleep deprivation is a tactic abusers use to keep their victims disoriented and therefore less able to escape
My husband used to do this. Sleep deprivation. So cruel
@@coralieserfas5990: sounds like one of the tactics used in the concentration camp / POW tortures... Been there and still seeing it, not from my family but from a bunch of hooligans who run test on human lives in the name of research...
I was lucky I worked in call centres which helpes me train in sleep deprivations and since childhood dad showed me movies in concentration camps and told me how and why they do such tortures and time to time he trained me to function even under sleep deprivations...
Guess he could not tell me that he knew what was coming to me, but silently trained me to fight against odds...
Now even I go through immense tortures, I go back and forth to find the main culprit to all this... While they wish to dig to the core of my existence, I'm digging to the main person behind all this... I'm almost there... But the leader is who I wish to get to....
Same, same, same..
PEACE, fellow survivors..
Same same same... mine didn't let me alone for a second... a second... suffocated me... I would do anything for him if he would let me be alone... it's been ten years now... pain is immense...
My ex covert would wake me up at 3 or 4 am and start fights knowing I have a serious neurological disorder and insomnia, oh and I was stuck in a blizzard for 29 hours trying to get back to his sorry butt (no hotels available) and was waking me up so I'd be exhausted and wreck the car I guess, these people are really disturbed in everything they do
This man is truly one of the silent hero's of our world. Imagine all the people he has been able to reach where in a world without internet, wouldn't have. Thank YOU!
silent? lol, maybe your computer is on mute hahahha! but I agree! His impact is humongous
Ignoring the narcissist causes them great emotional duress. A narcissist gets you out of your happiness and serenity because it distracts them from their inner chaos dialogue. Getting others in chaos allows the narcissist the distraction from their inner chaos and the feeling of superiority of controlling others happiness or chaos.
Healing childhood wounds, has 100% changed how I handle toxicity..Eternally Great full. PEACE
"It's not your fault.
_But it is your power."_
I made up this phrase to help me do the work I wish I didn't have to do.
❤this
great comment
I have been a narcissist magnet for most of my life until just recently. I just realized a major reason why, apart from both my parents having been narcissists ( one was malignant and the other covert). It was my heartfelt effort to be "transparent" which I adopted due to my interest in Existentialism which emphasized authenticity. I was also a fan of Martin Buber's I - Thou philosophy to always be open and truthful in dialogue with another person! You see, I desperately did not want to be like my family and then later two husband's and assorted narcissistic friends and colleagues. Well, this business about being open and loving oneself to be truthful and vulnerable was just like setting out honey for flies to feast on. When narcissists took advantage of me using my own self-revelation as "materials" to attack my most sensitive and raw vulnerabilities, I would just gird up my courage and persist in enacting my values. Thus going "grey rock" was being unresponsive and not sharing my genuine personal responses was being "inauthentic." Observing them and not responding was a violation of my deeply held values. You have to not be fully human, yourself, to survive around narcissists. There was the rub. Consequently I see now that being a tender-hearted existentialist is not always the thing to do. I recall a quote from Jesus to be "as gentle as a dove but as wise as a serpent."
I so relate to what you say Valerie!
“Not being fully human” is how they make you feel by their devaluation. It is like having your own personal Nazi guard whilst being emprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp, they are cruel, sadistic and dehumanising.
the posts on this thread really drive home why ignoring them is the only way to go.
I suppose we can be authentic and open but when they try to use that information to bait us with an insult, we have to smile and say thank you. that we took it as if they complimented us will likely drive them mad...so they do something antisocial enough to bring consequences (law or HR) or they'll avoid us going forward because there's only pain & no twisted pleasure to be had from us.
thoughts? thx
Valerie. Thank you for your post. I relate to this so much!
Observe don’t absorb is new to me ! Thank you!!!
Until they rage on you and become violent.
Yep. You can't "mirror" a *psychopathic*, covert narc.!
Esp., in a Stare-down,* intent on using "coercive control" & to do bodily Harm! (They also want to be abused.)
Tho I didn't [I used my 💜] and still got destroyed 1,ooo-fold, in his 'hyper-> reaction'!!
I wish I'd known it was called "No Contact." ... That they can't learn! and that there's NO GOING BACK!! Not even for a pittance of your inheritance.
To Honor your Mom, or her Estate;. They can't even Honor their own Father!! And, there are No limits to their Bad behaviors!
He, then, allowed the Grandiose 1 to Blow my brain 💥 out, with complex/"c-PTSD, someone in SHOCK & severe PAIN, with more felony Hate crimes and "Domestic Terrorism"++!!
We Gotta *take em out* from the Grass-roots Up, too! 💪🇺🇸🔥
Don't ever engage with narcissist, don't defend, don't take the bait, don't justify and don't personalize !!! Remain cool , calm and collective when dealing with toxic delusional narcissist etc...I wish you well angel !!!!! Remember you are enough you have been enough and you will always be enough !!!
Thank you Ross. We should get out of the emotional wrestling ring - we must get the narc out of our mind. I like this exapmple with the tree :-) the narcisists think they are the centre of the world and all we think about - it is about time to prove them wrong and ignore them with a smile :-)
That tree analogy had me laughing. Gold.
The biggest challenge is that the narcissist is hyper vigilant and knows exactly when the creature punch you where there’s no one to see the punch but only your reaction to it! They’re the true evil creatures!
As much as I would like to heap the narcissist title on my ex husband, and I’ve been doing it generously, towards the end of our marriage, I was behaving like the woman you describe. Trying to maintain a marriage with a man who was emotionally immature, a cheater, and always looking for attention from other women, I became rather crazy. I’m sure he would describe me just like you described your wife or partner. The mental states of both parties at the end of a toxic ride are less than stable. Although I stayed loyal and ‘all in’, I became rather crazy with the continued infidelity and gaslighting. I wonder if your wife was feeling desperate to feel understood and loved in an impossible relationship. Bad relationships can be crazy making nightmares.
This is a beautifully honest declaration Shelly, and I’m sure many of us recognise this. The narcissist has a way of attacking our core instabilities and the gaslighting destabilises our sense of self. It is a nightmare place to live, and I am so relieved to have escaped that hell. Looking back I am full of admiration for myself that I survived and eventually came through able to love and cherish myself and heal all the damage. Take care and keep up the healing. ❤️
I was always very careful with not crossing any lines. Never lied to her or bent the truth or mislead her or tried to hurt her feelings even once. Only tried to show her how to be a better person. Wanted to be her hero. Provided almost everything she asked. She was narcissistic to the point of Machiavellianism. Spent probably $25,000 on trying to help her over about one year and, instead of being appreciative, she basically stole or defrauded me out of another $25,000, knowing it would hurt my life. She has no conscience and no remorse and she keeps trying to take more.
It was exactly the same with me. An arguement with me close with bed time so I don't sleep peacefully
Loved seeing that you got far enough away to get perspective and understanding, get your personality back, and hopefully use the situation for some positive growth in your life.
I have always felt narcissists are born that way! I’m an empath and I was born with my sensitivity and other gifts. Lol I love that quote don’t wrestle with pigs!
We empaths can sense when there is something odd with others. Lets make use of that
@@jilross4892 yes so true!❤️❤️
Yes! Also reminds me of a biblical passage I've heard "Don't give your pearls to swine"
Narcissists and empaths are made not born
Calling yourself an "empath" is highly narcissistic.
The quote by George Elliott at @ 14 minutes in... 'It's never to late to be the person you should have been...' It saddens me. Because my narcissistic identical twin could have been so different. She could have been kind and loving and nonjudgmental and nonviolent and reasonable and a truth-teller and non-manipulative, the list goes on. The twin bond is supposed to be so sacred. It's sad to realise I never knew it other than in an unhealthy way. Yes, I can grow and change and be happy and I shouldn't be bothered by what should have been, yet it's still there. I hurt for us. It's so sad that these people can't grow in any meaningful sense. They're trapped so long as they live this life.
it is frustratingly, infuriatingly SAD
What great videos, I had a controlling husband for 45 years, and then found out he was cheating on me, he had told me years ago that he was a sex addict, so I looked that subject up on youtube, and found hundreds of videos on "Narcissists". Talk about having your eyes opened. And thanks to those CZcams videos by Ross and others, I finally understood why he targeted me at 17, he was 34. He passed almost 2 years ago, but only 5 days ago, I found a hookup note w/ 3 women in his old bible case, he was a minister too. I fully believe he was a covert narcissist. He fits 100%.
Thanks for sharing. 🙏
religious people are narcissists.
it takes hubris to believe you have a relationship with a silent and invisible entity. it displays zero humility.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your teaching about the narrsisist and understanding them, you have saved countless lives, including mine💜
You are so welcome Sharon.
Dear Ross Rosenberg. I want to thank you for the incredible work you are doing and for generously sharing all your knowledge for free un youtube. I am studying you videos trying to get insight in my patterns. I had a narcistic father which light scizofrenia, a mother who was in denial, an oldest brother which scizofrenia, another brother with an anti social narcissistic personality disorder and an older sister with a borderline nacissistic disorder. I suffered severe depressions since I was 17. I always thought my depression was a sickness but now I think it is the tremendous pain and confution I suffered in my childhood living in such a dificult family. I feel so blessed to have found the 12-step program that helped me recover from my eating disorder and Coda that helped me identifying codependency. The insight you give in narcissistic abuse is so clear and profound and helps me so much. I have your book and will soon be able to buy some more material. Again, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, expertice and love. You so important to me.
The empath is hooked because of the identification mechanism that he/she uses to feel other people's emotions.
This mechanism is activated by the thought that we are all one and we should live all together in harmony obeying to each other. This is a disfunctional thought here on Earth in the polarised good vs bad reality. The empath has to asses reality well and then act according to the ideals that he/she came to implement here on Earth.
I love your insight.
@@thetroopoftruth4820 Thank you ! A part of this insight comes from Dolores Cannon hypnosis studies where she says that empaths are star seeds who volunteered to come on Earth to raise this planet's vibration. The problem is that many of them don't realise this consciously and are unaware of how the forces of evil work.
Narcissistics don't know, they just test and see what you react to.
Once I was accused of being selfish, as a child my parents never actually use this against me so being called selfish did not trigger me at all. It was as if someone called me "you are so short" where I am 6.2.
I’m so thankful I found you and your teachings Ross. I have now learned how not to let narcissist trigger me and not get in the mud with the pig. Observe not Absorb is my new tool. I’m on the road to healing. Thank you❤️
Thank you so much. This video came at the right time. I was hoovered last week and politely declined. I’m sure I’ve set off some narc injury and have been worrying if I will have to pay for this later.
So glad this was helpful.
I learned to lower and control my anger, I was angry because of my covert narcissistic wife and her abuse. Over the years I must have became what she thought of me, but I am not the person and never want to see him again. I am soon to be a single man of 54 years old, it was worth the years, I couldn't trust my covert narcissistic wife because her previous affair partner, 26 years ago (we had 2 girls aged 3 and 1 at the time), he was a drug dealing ex-con rapist!!! How could I trust her ever with my children, so I took her back, got the girls and they are now happy working young women. I loved my job as a dad, but hated my role as a human punchbag. My soon to be X is still a covert narcissist, but she no longer is in my bed and I no longer have to listen to her. These videos help me, I am also in therapy, I think I will be there a while but I will be good, I will be fantastic.
Dear Ross, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You've just answered my question. I couldn't understand why having got myself into an argument with a narcissist women at the church (that everyone hates but no one dares to challenge) I felt more of a victim... I guess if you take it upon oneself to fumigate cockroaches be prepared to inhale the poison so to speak. Barricade yourself instead physically and emotionally and enjoy the fresh air
I am with your every word. I happened to cross such strong narcissistic figures in last few years. Like your tree example , I also figured that they can't hurt until you give them space in your mind (after long mental battles) . I happened to make my way out in many situations , but still bumping to the same people again gives me anxiety.
I always fell into false power syndrome. I tried explaining myself and told the truth, but he never believed me. Not anymore. I don’t care. His problem not mine. I know where I stand.
I tried to be like Socrates, discover and explain the truth. Not good.
@@sage9836 right; however, we now know it can’t be done with these type of individuals.
The No one answer they can’t stand is No😁
God bless you sir
After learning I am living it thank you & thank. GOD FOR YOU TOO 🌹
This is my problem exactly. Even though I filed for divorce and am currently going through the process …I don’t love him anymore…but I can’t stop thinking about the final discord and current treatment of my narc. It takes up my valuable time and energy every day. I am still living with the narc until settlement. Hoping that once I move, I’ll NOT be able to hear the tree fall in the forest.
I get what he’s saying. While they’re off getting other supply, you’re sitting around wondering how to make things better and it makes no sound for them. That was probably his original thought that he meant to convey. There is no forest
I really appreciate this wisdom you're sharing for those in pain from Narcissist abuse.
Amazing in so many ways!
Thank you so much 😀
Thanks for sharing this Ross, spot on. Welcome to B.C.!!!
Welcome!
I'm living away from my narc dad but still think and worry and fear him getting angry or pissed etc. 😣
I cannot agree with you more, Dr Rosenberg!
Thank you!
Thank you so much, your messages are eye-opening. You were an important part on my way to get out of my codependent world and my sensitivity to emotionally challenging people. It helps me to watch/read you again and again to be aware of your technique and train it.
I love your work Dr. Ross.
Needed to hear this today - thank you!
Thank you Dr Rosenberg. Very wise and very applicable.
Yes, this weird insidious provoking/ antagonism really is what activates and binds you. It's bloody maddening but it's good to realize what's going on and not engaging with it - caring less and less.
I love how these videos help those who went through this. Sometimes I think these videos help narcs improve their game better too. When they know you know they are relentless
I naturally use this method...and thrilled to see you validate me. However I still feel the stress afterward. I jave hypertension
So wise you are! Thank you!
You are so welcome Carrie.
Excellent - fantastic advice - thank you 🙏
Ty so much… I really needed this
Thanks Doc for sharing the helpful insights
Great video. Thank you very much
You are very welcome.
Brilliant lecture. Best to disengage
Thanks. 🙏
Thank you 💯
You're welcome!
@@RossRosenberg your book the human magnet syndrome really helped me break the cycle of my codependency,along with your videos. Changed my life ♥️
The book of Jonah in the old testament. Jonah had to go through many troubles because of his disobedience to God.Sometimes we need to introspection about our own tendencies to disobey God which attracts this kind of people who are narcisstic.
After all it is written that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
100% true! Best to just ignore. It care and give too much attention to the crazy making.
Thank you for your invaluable contribution to humanity Doc!
Thanks for watching!
@@RossRosenberg can you please help Ross get me connected with someone. I’m afraid that if my mother in-law gets to suspicious she will convince her daughter to take the kids to Hungary where her whole family is from
@@bretsullivan7863 Document, Audio record, take pictures of the date on something (for ex, a newspaper, or a well known web page) to verify the audio is genuine, DAILY JOURNALS. etc.
One aspect that gets overlooked is building the protective infrastructure around you so that you have a foundation of security. If that makes sense. Maybe Dr, Rosenburg can elaborate.
As you talked in the beginning about emotional baiting, and pulling you into arguments, this has happened at counselor appointments where she will say things to get me, fired up or misrepresent things, and then I feel like I have to defend myself and set the record straight, which then gets turned against me, and I am made to look like The one who was critical or mean
And if I’m there to hear it, who cares? I still won’t bother to hear it.
ODA technique will save your life!
Learn it, live it, love it.
Marci... I am trying to pull that off and mean it... So true
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 Keep at it. Be kind to yourself on this journey. ❤️
@@marcirobins5144 yep, exactly what I am doing... best to you friend 🍀🕊️
Ross you are awesome ❤️
Game changing info here 🔥. 2 yrs divorced from the narc, it’s still a battle. This video really helps 🥰
protect this beautiful soul at all costs💐
Thank you
You're welcome.
Useful
Thanks alot for such an enlightening guidance
You are welcome. Thanks for watching.
@@RossRosenberg ,I really admire the way you understand Life!!Thanks for being our respected Angel guide 🙏🌸
Thanks Ross !! No 💩's given !! I appreciate your vocabulary. ❤✌️
Interesting. I've dealt with many mentally ill street people and the one thing they have in common is pulling you into their mental illness world. It never occurred to me other disorders have the same characteristic. This is very helpful. NB: Received a brand new copy of your book today. Thanksyou very much for your analytical mind that draws highly accurate conclusions. It's a gift you have made into an intellectual stronghold.
Great info on the topic.... getting to a point of less n less triggered.
Thanks for the view. 🙏
I think you are great. TY
Thank you!
When I pulled my daughter out of an abusive school situation, and they called me into a meeting with the principal, they kept asking me what my "goal" was, and I kept saying it was to protect my child. The principal of the school kept asking me that question, and I realized, they weren't interested in my answer. They just wanted me to give in and let my daughter continue to be abused (she was standing outside in a courtyard being taught through a window....even in snow and rain... because something was frightening her inside the classroom). The principal finally said, "I can see we're not getting anywhere. Let's arrange another meeting." I said, "For what?" He said, "You tell me." I said, "You want to call a meeting and you don't know what for?" He got mad. I realize now in hindsight, it's because he couldn't own up to the fact that I did not want to send my daughter there anymore, and I had very good reasons why. He couldn't just admit, he didn't want to lose the subsidies. It was a sick dynamic. When I received my daughter's IEP by email, it didn't even mention addressing the fact that she was OUTSIDE. I emailed them telling them I did not want my daughter attending a school where administrators had no empathy and if they didn't let me protect my daughter I would have to sue them. The principal emailed me, "I will send you a response on Monday." There was no question asked. I needed no response. I blocked his email. Narcissists cannot self-reflect. I understand that principal has some kind of childhood trauma that doesn't allow him to admit that they aren't able to safely teach my child. But he doesn't not belong in a place in charge of people caring for children if that's the case. Hubris. It's all hubris. My nonverbal child has been so much happier since she left that situation. My neighbor says that disabled children have a 100% chance of being raped at some point in their lives. I hope that's not true. But in any case, she is safer at home with me than in a place where she is clearly being abused. People told me later, that disabled children get more subsidies than other children. I didn't want to believe it, but now I do. Since being homeschooled from April 12, 2024 to now (May 27, 2024), her handwriting has improved. She can write in full sentences. Her punctuation and grammar has improved. It's shocking how they just didn't TEACH her anything. It took me standing up to unempathic people for my child's situation to improve. Don't fear the narcs. Fight them by refusing to engage with them. Everything depends on it.
That exactly what my brother and parents did to me. We never had discussions... it was self serving interactions to meet the narcs needs. It wasn't love. It wasn't in my best interest. It was very selfish, hateful acts from childish insecurities.
And, no the narc's narcissistic injuries have zero impact on me. Have nothing to do with me. The narc will continue to elicit emotional control from anyone they encounter. So, it's got nothing to do with me. I get it! No I will practice it.
I stopped fighting and reacting to my ex husband trying to trigger me into reacting (which he would then use against me) and he left me within three months. I was no longer supply. Once he left I filed for divorce.
My mom beat the hell out of me the day of my college graduation. She is so jealous it’s worse than anything you could imagine.
Hugs ❤. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you for your achievement 🎉.
Let no one ever minimize that or your other successes in life.
Your mother should be in jail for assaulting you! Protect yourself because she will continue to sabotage your wonderful accomplishments, if you allow her. Boundary up dear, the envy & jealousy only gets worse. Congratulations on graduating, you did that in spite of her, give yourself a big hug!
My mom wants to fight me so bad. Just a few weeks ago she called my abusive ex to curse me out. I let her know she was messy. She wanted to have a conversation where she shoved me 3x. I wanted to go ape shit on her, but I left. The police will be called the next time she puts her hands on me.
You are pure cure dr. Ross.
take responsibility... 100%
Yes
I thought I could escape all of them, but..........there everywhere 😅. Gotta work on my rage😂
They are everywhere!
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you so much Ross, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love to you and everyone, You've helped me tremendously, You're a gem 💎 😍🥰✨️😁💞 Thank you universe ❤️👁🧿🦄💫🛸👽🌌😃😊💞✨️🥰😍🐉🧝♀️😁✨️
The emotional wrestling ring. I got it. Observe not adsorb. If they have an injury and I don't want to know about it or don't care about it.
Excellent Epictetus said insult a rock and see what happens. What has the abuser gained.
Especially in a small town where everyone can’t stand the truth
I don't wrestle with pigs at all. Instead I go into Fawning trauma response and self blame and self pathologizing and I try to fix myself through blaming myself and feeling bad about being reactive to abusive people. Then toxic people label me as pushover - and then I want to wrestle with pigs because I was mocked for not having backbone, spine etc. as a reaction to being humiliated for being passive and peacemaker.
It's not easy stuff.
@@onlyonce1707 Pushover not easy?
IT is the easiest trauma response that dissolves and dissolute psychopaths. The hard part is that it causes Rejection sensitivity dysphoria and complex trauma later on - but it does its job to handle violent and abnormal people around us who are dangerous in their own way.
Without fawning they would hurt us and cause serious damage- like Johnny Depp experienced with Amber's abuse and her trial to destroy his life, career and an attempt to stole his money.
I like this quote:
It makes perfect sense to sometimes fawn over that person and sometimes detach and protect yourself from that person based on how that person is currently responding to you. Fearful-Avoidance means getting caught between these two extreme response patterns. Constantly making assessment which of these insecure responses are better one to use in this situation is the perfect response pattern when you are trapped in abusive situation.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
Yes you're right@@ranc1977there are times you need to be strategic and humour them.
Internet is narcissist’s and other cluster B personalities kryptonite.
do you do a course or diploma this spring? Love the content, spot on.
Hi! Ross is hosting a live webinar on Sept. 25. Please check it here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/events/products/the-fifty-shades-of-pathological-narcissism-live-webinar
Is it possible to have the ability to beat them in their ring? Maybe its a false reality that the narc i deal with (my "boss") has set upon me but I believe i have managed to pull it off at least 70% Of the time, at first he did the usual, making me angry to have an argument and beat me with experience. That was until I analyzed most of his tactics and one day he got me so angry that I exploded and i confronted him very seriously, he seemed genuinely scared, after that a couple more attempts happened and I believe I managed to consistently beat him by making him feel afraid of me by immediately proving him he was going to look so bad to others due his mistakes (unpaid days, excessive work load, lack of PPE etc), i rationalized this as in using negative reinforcement. Now he behaves differently, he confronts me much less but now he tries to come at me thorough close friends and such, i think he really wants some kind of revenge but so far he is hand tied and is trying so hard to do something that he is starting to grow cracks on his mask, people that surrounds him seems to realize he is losing his mind and in an attempt to smear my image he says things that are no at at all of what people expect of me that they doubt him, i feel like they treat me the same so im confident that simply by being myself is helping me counter the lies.
I just found you. So good! Thank you so much. What if you are no longer in touch with that person, but for decades, you've been trying to overcome their gaslighting? Can you recommend one of your videos that might address that, please? This person convinced our circle that they were the victim and I was the perpetrator. Ex. This person would steal from me and deny it, then when I would recover my item from their bag, they would cry and whine to people because I had violated them by opening their bag without permission. I was viewed as a mean person. I had to leave everyone behind. This is just a sample. I never understood why I was never validated when it was obvious? Why can't I get over it? Thank you!
Thanks for sharing. Please consider exploring Ross's resources to help you grow and heal at his website: www.selfloverecovery.com/.
You observe don't absorb technique works. You observe and not fight. They lose their power.
I’m in desperate need of help and advice on who to run to. I’m married to a woman with 2 small children ages 7 and 3. My wife is a codependent to her mom. Who is a very skillful narcissist that has been gaslighting my wife from a very very young age. Shortly after I we married I fell victim to her gaslighting as well. Bit I’ve had spaces of clarity and have been able to see her for what she is. Right now she is in the process of isolating my 7 year old and I already see him doubting himself. Please someone help me to find someone that can get me and my children out of this hell
Great video! Thank you 🙏. I’m interested in the webinars that are shown on the screen Does the final webinar deal with healing recovery strategies? Thank you
Thank you for watching and your interest! The final day talks about strategies and techniques to overcome narcissistic abuse. Please visit Ross's website for more information: www.selfloverecovery.com/ or write to us to help@selfloverecovery.com
The narcissist use fight too project,to blame shifting,to shame shifting,to enhance their ego
this is my husband he uses his enmeshed relationship with his mom, who is also a covert narc, to abuse me there were many red flags with him but they didnt start really abusing me until i had my son. they went for the kill during my postpardum depression faze. But I listened to my body and felt in my body something they were doing didnt feel right. I got a therapist and learned what they are and now im winning this fight... silently winning. Im currently creating an audio journal as an insurance policy of all there abuse when it happened so if they ever try to turn my so against me he is going to have audio journals of their abuse against me and what to look out for in manipulators He will know better and he will know the truth.
I WOULD want to know if I were about to interact with a narc who just 'fell in the forest.' They will be either unpleasant or possibly dangerous in that state.
Oh, they are so different on the surface, but scratch just under the surface and they are all the same parasite ❗
The imagine of the man as a tree falling 😂
Of course it freaking matters because as soon as you reappear guaranteed you will pay for it whether you care or not, whether you engage or not. The only way it doesn't matter is if you are physically unreachable.
Hey Ross. I recently started looking at Doug Weiss‘s videos on intimacy anorexia and I was wondering. If you agree that there is such a thing where does it fall within the narcissist codependent relationship? I’m not expecting an answer in the comment section I just wonder if it’s something that you came across …intimacy anorexia
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I walked away from all of these people. I'd rather spend a month in jail, than listen to their bullshit for one minute.
If this whole universe is a mirror and everybody is our mirror, how does that apply to narcissists and psychopaths?
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Dear Ross, I am watching you from Germany. Would you please explain in a short video what "hoovering" means? I have no idea what it means "in action". Thank you!
In case you haven't watched it yet, this video will be helpful: czcams.com/video/AgSLzdhLEC4/video.html
www.medicinenet.com/what_does_being_hoovered_mean/article.htm
Are these videos out yet? What is an SLD? Where can I locate your materials?
SLD..self love deficit..defefficiancy
Hi! Ross renamed codependency with Self-Love Deficit Disorder or SLDD, and codependent with SLD. This very short video explains Ross's definition: czcams.com/video/bVpbsZaef8Y/video.html. You can find all of his resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/. Hope this helps!
Happened to me today. Today will be the last time.
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Ty for this video! What do you mean by - we need to accept our part of the dysfunctional dance or we will still attract narcissists?
He means that if we don't get healing we will always be victims - to any narcissist. Narcs prey on people with open wounds. It's like going into shark infested water with open cuts. No, we don't deserve to be attacked just because we had an open cut, but if we were healed they wouldn't have been attracted to us. They're just doing what they do, just like narcs. Don't be food 😉
@@SJ-up9em Me too. his book the human magnet syndrome shows that we partake in these events and until we heal, we can be compelled to keep going back. Once you identify the trash it's good to stay away and form new healthy relationships which is hard if we bring over our trauma to a new person.
@@SJ-up9em I appreciate the reply! I have not found anyone in the mental health field that knows about or even believes in narcissism which is all the more reason, why I am thankful for these videos. I have been trying to be my own healer by educating myself and becoming more familiar to things I used to be blind to. My hope is that through these videos and making changes in my own life, I will be able to heal.
@@massmom8919 I wish you the best. ❤️ These videos are going to be helpful. I had to watch videos like these to get my head right before I left my husband and right after I left. I was on a waiting list for counseling through a domestic abuse center. I had no help for almost a year, so I was on my own with this for a while, but these videos helped start the healing process. I would recommend still seeking counseling even if you watch these videos though. There were times when it was so hard for me to admit things about myself (even to myself) that I needed to work on. Overcoming shame is paramount to healing. I knew I would need a counselor, who's objectively looking in from the outside, to help me if I really wanted to heal. God bless you, I will keep you in prayer 🙏
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Is narcissism more common in men or women or is the answer politically incorrect?
It's very interesting the epidemic of "narcissists" (to what flavor and degrees) have been manifest by our modern day society. You can draw a timeline from the evolution of the internet and most likely see a correlation with the increase in these personality disordered people.