Fear of Confrontation | Stephanie Lyn Coaching
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 29. 04. 2019
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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Thank you for your love and support!
Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
I love this channel đ
I'm learning a lot âŁïž
Love hearing that! đ
@@StephanieLynCoaching I got blame for something that I didnât cause or said and my brother yell at me on this and he told some one else about it and now itâs messy and now heâs acting all mad like I had something to do with it itâs putting me and a vulnerable state and he thinks that i about to cause him to go to jail I donât get it please help
Yes, ma'am!
Its hard to set boundaries particularly having no back up from emotionally immature parents since childhood. I didn't think I had any rights to express my opinion.
Me too âčïž..takecr f urself
This is something I discovered as some of my struggles as well. What you just explained is so accurate, my parents are emotionally immature as well and the examples of how to set healthy boundaries etc was not the environment I grew up in.
Who you telling.. ts
Me too! My feelings were completely ignored and never hears....was too scared to express myself.....
Same here
you know what's sickening when you tell people what bothered you, and you Tell them what you wish they would do, and they do exactly what you ask them not to...
Toxic people live for that, stepping over your Healthy Boundaries
I've learned to remove myself gracefully and humbly....
Nobi_Bklyn thank you đŻ I told a certain person like three times to stop doing something and keep doing it. So I cut him off . Now he looks like this đź I told him and I warned him. I feel like he would do it purposely. Anyway love your comment I would give 1000 likes if I could đ
Yes! Ugh. I asked him for open communication and he then proceeded to give me the silent treatment, now on week 4 of silence. He just ghosted bc I simply asked for better communication. I'm moving on.
Hmm that's a fact and the reality of things. Most people are biased in their own thoughts and would only consider what is close to their hearts and nothing else. Even if it is simply themselves that they hold dear.
I think it really is best to simply walk away regardless of the taunts and manipulations they hurl at you. As long as you did what is right (or tried the least) and stood up for yourself. That is good enough.
At some point in our lives.. we will discover that flowers can't talk to trees on how to bloom. As to monkeys can't fly like an eagle. It simply is that we are all unique even within out own specie. Due to our individuality. Even dogs nor cats nor birds aren't all the same and act the same.
@@laylacooper861 Thank you so much for your time, I understand I had to leave a job because of this, I told the supervisor that I not would be doing a job that is meant for two people, I'm overwhelmed, guess what, they kept putting work on me that I was not hired for, I peacefully walked away, I'm glad you walked away, have a beautiful day đ
@@crissyw2320 Yes move on from Toxic people, anyone you have to ask to treat you like a human being, is not the one who needs to be in your life, silent treatment is not Healthy, thanks for your time, have a good day đ
Narcissists and toxic people hate any feedback they perceive as negative, even when putting it in "I" statements. Anything that isn't about them sets them off.
SO true !
đšđšđš
If i talked back or tried to stick up for myself, i would get screamed at, threatened, or hit or beaten. I am afraid of authority and confrontation and it has crippled me and stunted my development and life.
Ditto. Still experiencing these things with my family. You are loved.
Same
That's why there is a timevto just LEAVE from the person. If communicating with them and setting bounderies causes them to abuse you use all the resources available possible to get RID of them out of your life entirely !!!
SAME and it still is a problems at my age. When I used to speak up I got beaten up by multiple people and the last time it happened my cousin defended me and got stabbed because of it. I developed a crippling fear of confrontation.
My childhood was highly abusive. My parent's saw the word no as defiance. We were severly disciplined for saying no. I learnt not to offer an opinion because I wouldn't be listened too. I married someone who verbally abused me on a daily basis, his mother was just as bad. Im free of that now but I still have the scars. Ive tried therapy, but ive given up. Im too scared to really open up, ive also set boundaries which are constantly being pushed. For me it's too much, ive just retreated back into my shell. I know im not dealing with the effects of the trauma but im not being pushed too far. Or having flashbacks from being pushed.
âBe the person you want to attractâ love it
I'm literally terrified of standing up for myself. When someone confronts me I feel my heart sink into my stomach and I get anxiety and I try to please and appease the other person. As if it weren't enough I keep on going over it in my head for months/years!
Sounds like me đ
Sounds like me as well. I get petrified that if I were to express any contrary ideas or reaction that it could set off a potential violent response which I would then not be able to confront or defend against.
As a man, I refrain from standing up to myself because it would be an acknowledgment of the hurtful action. If I remain quiet, it gives me a sense of security in the sense that it did not affect me. However, I've learned that this is cowardly and there's nothing more empowering than recognizing when something in fact has hurt you and standing up for yourself.
The False Critic Proud of you!
I don't think this is cowardly, this is the first step, and speaking is empowering
omg I thought the same thing like if I don't speak up I can pretend that the comment didn't hurt being in denial and stuff....
I feel you my guy for real
I really needed to read this...Iâm constantly refraining from confronting someone on being unfair or inappropriate behavior because i tell myself âits not worth itâ but really, Iâm letting fear get the best of me and letting that person overpower me, Iâm enabling that behavior because Iâm too scared to speak up. I feel its not worth it to speak up for myself.
I'm almost 30 and just learning how to do this. It is very difficult because I've always "let things go" and I'm the only miserable one. Here's to my 30's.
I am 58 years old and have finally figured out how to handle confrontation in a positive gentle way to show how I feel without hurting the other person and still getting across what I need and want. Being kind and gentle but firm. I love myself đ
How? Without hurting other persons feeling when you standup for yourself
I clearly remember sitting at the top of the stairs many a night listening to my parents yelling at each other and feeling sooooo sad and alone.
Exactly! Me too. Now I realize why I can't handle even the thought of confrontation... I have associated confrontation with nothing but negativity.
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That is so sad, I'll bet you are a really sweet person now, in spite of that.
I can totally relate to you. Emotionally immature parents with poor problem solving skills are a hell tonlive with.
Exactly đđđđ
I think that, unfortunately, enemies can sense when you are struggling to define yourself and in those situations you find out, by standing up, who your friends really are.
I can sense it in others, and those are tje kinds of people I can feel relaxed and become friends with. I can't go near confidence because it intimidates the fuck out of me.
@@RealityClubX Truly confident people do not abuse others because they donât have a need to. They hold little to no insecurities and they believe everyone around them is equal to them. Abusive people may portray strength but are not confident.
Truth.
@@lovegals1Yes, yes -- absolutely!
yep.....lost several that way. well, dodged those bullets
It is true: I spend 99.9999% of my time venting to my friends & loved ones about somebody who wronged me, said something unjust unfair about me, to the point that my friends & loved ones get angry at me and distance themselves from me, rather than confronting the person who wronged me.
This is all spot on. The confusing part to me is that in my experience most people do not like being disagreed with. The moment i voice my feelings that don't agree with someone else they get offended and in some cases will never speak to me again. It's a challenge to be true to yourself and voice your feelings when there are so many people that just are incapable of having a constructive conversation that disagrees or challenges their behavior.
That is because most people have not learned to practice letting go of their egos and being ok with someone not agreeing with them
Yess to all of this!! I canât believe at the age of 45, I am just now developing self worth/confidence. I was always fearful of confrontation or rocking the boat out of FEAR... fear the person would not agree, leave or the relationship would end; platonic and romantic. Confrontation is an unavoidable part of life... I feel so free ending co-dependent, people pleasing and fearful behaviors... Avoiding the possibility of the relationship/friendship ending and keeping them together at ALL costs IS NOT WORTH IT!!!
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T Dstar it is better to let go
Hi same here, i am in my forties and just started to learn to stand up for myself.
44 and same here! Maybe that's why this is considered the best decade...we begin to truly love ourselves in spite of what others think of us!
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Yes! Knowing your worth and value is the first steps in protecting yourself and living a better life. I really think that we must start teaching self confidence and worth in schools. I am glad you have started you journey so many of us just need to start
Do not think of it as "confrontation". See yourself describing, in faith, the way you would like to be considered and treated and speak it out loud.
Often we must be the people to decide how it goes to have the better life. It is not always like a fancy hotel, where it is all set up for you. You have to create it.
This is an issue I struggle with and never was taught how to speak up for myself in a healthy way.
I work with someone who targets me because I have a low sense of self and she picks up on that energy. She bats me around like a ball of yarn and she's a big fat cat. I'm getting tired of her manipulative, narcissistic treatment. Thank you for this..it came at the right time
Hii are you ok now?
This video made me burst into tears. It completely stripped me to the core, and now I have a huge understanding. You probably changed my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD and my anxiety is in overdrive.
More like fear of not being liked. Once you overcome that, life becomes easier.
I'm glad my narc ex was a tool the universe gave me to teach me to heal my childhood wounds and become who I was meant to be.
Awuondo L.
Well said đ
Narcissists are tools of transformation đ
Communication between people ,is the most important skill.
Yehudit Bruck,You look stunning đčđ·đș dear
After watching this video I want to hug you and really thank you, I can't afford having therapy, you really helpful đ
Suha Missy , I can afford a therapist but I come from a background where itâs so much shame to go. Plus Iâm with a narc.
I didnât even think I needed therapy until I started watching these videos.
I also want to hug her and hug you.
I donât know how she knows me or gets me.... itâs crazy!
Sending you positivity and hoping you can afford it soon, therapy has truly changed my life đ
Trust me, therapists arenât this good. Hahahah.
You said two things: A person who fires back at you - a person who you never talked to. Let's do one: That person "Sue" has anxiety, processing issues, misunderstands... Sue bites my head off over a simple conversation or me stating my thoughts. I am not at fault for this. I will now keep Sue at a distance and protect myself. That is how controlling people control- they bite our head of so that we don't stand up for ourselves again. With someone like Sue, I will avoid for my sanity. I am the nice loving empathetic person. I will not be abused by those like Sue again. Sure, I can call her out for this - I will if I have to live with her, however, if not, I am staying away from an abusive person who doesn't let me have a normal discussion and talk freely. It is not my ego, it is that someone else has issues and takes it out on me. Yes, their problem, but I will stay away from them. Normal people like me do speak up for ourselves. Boundaries save my sanity.
Great insight!
Exactly, they love to emotionally exhaust into submission out of threat of their insecurity. Self-love is removing yourself and not exhausting / falling into their taunts even when boundaries are established. Giving them satisfaction would be giving your emotional labor.
Perfect!
Thatâs what I have been doing with two co workers i donât say anything if itâs not work related . I keep it really short from now on...
Sadly I'm still learning how to do this.
It takes time. Don't get discouraged.
Thankfully you are learning it. Better than just remaining a doormat.
Learning self love, confidence and how to set boundaries is an ongoing process. Just dont give up!
Autumn tha biblophile same
@@spider3772 this!
2 or 3 fears together: (1) if I stand up for myself people will think I childhish, selfish, better than others, superior to others, (2) people wont listen, (3) no matter what I say, it wont happen, I wont get that, it'll always no. This morning I had a full blow just because of a simple thing. My inner child is ao afraid that they'll tell her no. (They never give me what I want, peope dont care about me. I'm always criticised). If I'd see a child saying that I'd for sure hold her. My inner child was an angel, my mother used to say that
Divine Divine,You got a lovely smile đ!!
When you are dealing with Narcissistic people they dont want to hear you. They dont want a dialogue to get an understanding because they already know they are abusive and rude. I like to start off saying, ' you may not like what I'm about to say." Nevertheless, you are absolutely right that they have to be confronted and held accountable. If they dont like it they can leave and get their negative supply somewhere else. Being alone and feeling abandoned is better than being abused; Especially when we practice self love and care. It's like an addiction you have to replace it with something positive.
When you set boundaries but do not force consequences when they are crossed you are a perfect target for narcissistics. Never forget about that.
my dad is passive-aggressive.He fears confrontation.I think he put it into me.I have codependent tendencies.I'm working on it.
Same here...then I act the same with my partner...aggghh
wendell ignatin same here. Letâs get through this together.
Yes my father is this way and I'm the same way which i developed codependent tendencies đ i know deep down I'm strong and confident woman I'm just tired of repeating myself cause some people don't care đ
My same situation exactly. You're not alone, and neither am I and that's reassuring
wow. thanks. What does your father do to you? Do he abused you verbal/emotionally?
I have always been afraid of confrontation cos of my approval addiction. I feared disapproval and conflict. I just wanted to be loved and accepted. So I tried to please everybody and I stayed away from confronting issues. Fear of rejection and abandonment... This video meant alot to me. I plan to start practicing confronting issues and verbally communicate my feelings with love and self acceptance
Same hereâ€ïž
Another great video Stephanie. Iâve been suppressing my own feelings with my wife for 18 years because she is naturally aggressive and very controlling. Itâs very depressing when you realize you canât voice your opinion because it leads to fighting, and sometimes physical abuse. They will start attacking you for disagreeing with them. If you disagree with them in any way, they think youâre attacking them. So, in order to keep any kind of peace, YOU have to shut yourself down so you donât âRock the Boatâ. I do try to stand up to her when she attacks the kids in some way that I feel isnât right or appropriate. I get flak for it every time. She accuses me of not being on the same team as her, or the same page. She says âyouâre all ganging up on meâ. Of course, when I know thatâs not true, itâs very hard to not react to that.
My parents werenât like that at all, but for some reason I was always afraid to voice my opinion and confront people. Not sure where I got it, but it definitely got enflamed when I got married and found out she was abusive and controlling.
So sad for you Michael. I think a lot of men suppress with controlling wives. Good for you for standing up for the kids. Was married briefly to controlling man and nearly went under. May you find your voice and the right support to help you navigate your marriage as two equal adults. đ
Discussion always became arguements. Always had to be careful what I said to my ex because you never knew what would make him blow. Unfortunately, I was a yeller when disciplining my children. Just learning how to have calm conversations with my now young adult children. Wish I learned sooner while they were growing up.
A good start and re-establishing a relationship to children would be to own up to your yelling and apologize to them and tell them that you realized it was wrong and that you are working on being a better person! This will show them a great example of being able to admit you're wrong and trying harder to be better!
@@astrialindah2773 is right. One single hard slap from my father as a child, because i was defending myself verbally and the teacher thought it was okay for the girl, but not for me, and it took me 30+ years to realize that my father wasn't a person to fear. But i never talked about it with him, and he apparantly forgot. In retrospect this was one single incindent during moving out to another country and taking many risks, other than that, i had very loving and caring parents. Yet, never talking about it, it defined my whole life. So i applaud you to trying to make it better. But still: Putting some things into persepective can only do good.
@@astrialindah2773 I have apologized to my children. They understand.
One of the times I hesitate to confront is when I feel like, that person hasn't earned the right to see that side of me. Confrontation , in a social setting , with friends / acquaintances, is essentially a plea to be seen. It's saying, hey, see me! I'm here. My needs matter. And sometimes I just don't feel like the person is worth of that. worthy of knowing how they made me feel. That it bothers me. And that I'm prepared to give up time and energy to confront them. Which essentially means, I value them. Because you wouldn't confront someone if you don't care. That's how I feel sometimes. Like nah, I'm not going to confront you. I'm just going to distance myself from you, because clearly in spite of how much you know about me you still did this thing that you know I don't like. That nobody would like. So instead of giving you the time of the day and releasing my emotions on you, which is essentially, a gift. I'm just going to keep my emotions to myself and distance myself from you. And let my actions speak rather than my words.
Wow. Iâve never relate to a comment so much. Thanks for typing out the feelings I struggle to say too.
I did this with someone for awhile but I eventually exploded on her in public the way she did me, then I didn't ever speak to her again. She tried calling from different numbers but I just blocked her every time.
@@kynathomas4809 That's the problem.
We hold it in, hold it in, and then, all of a sudden, We let it out.
And then we block, because we don't want to deal with the aftermath.
I don't do that anymore. By the way.đ
Wow, I really needed to hear this today. I have been running situations in my mind over and over trying to think of how I could possibly bring up this issue i've been having with someone who was a dear friend of mine. And my thought has been from the beggining, "a real friend would never have done this to me in the first place, maybe she's not the friend I thought she was. It feels like it would waste my time." But you hear over and over how you need to stand up for yourself. But is it worth trying to stand up to someone who disrespected you SO badly in the first place that it makes you want to walk away? I'm struggling with knowing when to stick up for myself and when to walk away...
Probably the hardest, scariest and truest lesson/advice I ever heard before.
Youâre helping me become a strong woman at a young age . Thank you so much â€ïž
This message really resonated with me. I love how you are focusing more now on HSP and "people pleasers".
stood up to my dad today because of you. thank you!
At 34 still learning how to Stand Up for myself, i feel Like a mess but tank this video and the comments now i know im Not alone
I just love the way you coach. I am glad I came across your videos about a month ago.
At 60, I am finally having the courage to be myself! đâźïžđ
I lived my whole childhood and teen years afraid of confrontation..
I was born and raised in such a religious society, when a devout say or do something the whole society would easily believe him, so i was a victim of that situation, i was abused sexually and psychologically,
and when I spoke about their abuse everyone started to blaming me and shaming me ( starting with my own family) after that i was scared to say to confront, and scared to speak for my self,
when i was 19 I confronted those religious men , and got rid of them, i left that society for good and never going back,
I graduated and got a good job, but still i notice I'm afraid of confrontation and afraid to rock the boat,
I'm trying to change and your video is a great help, Thank you.
I am afraid of standing up for myself due to fear of how others will react. Though just recently I am learning to stand up for myself a little bit even due to fear of how people react.
I am currently trying to build up the guts to have this exact conversation with someone who has hurt me multiple times. And you hit the hammer on the head, but I still feel this anxiety coming into how Im going to start this conversation. And I need to do it because I keep putting it off.
Iâm a business owner of a successful detailing business in Alabama. Iâm watching this video not because I struggle in my personal life, but as a leader of employees. Iâm awful at confrontations, candor, being a leader when necessary. This video has helped me so much and certainly makes sense. Especially when you mentioned the parent situation. My entire childhood was that way. Thank you.
This has happened to me for years and I truly think I need help because now I have constant anxiety and depression. I always fearful to confront people about some things.
I hope things are better for you now. I am currently in the same situation.
Some people just see confrontation as just plain petty and fear ( while in some cases will) doesnât need to have anything to do with it. The real error of assumption is that people that have better things to do with their time are Assumed to be to weak to stand on their own. Thanks for your presentations and please see this as constructive feedback.
Java Donut sorry about the delay in my response. I was making my supper. I know that is on the right message because thereâs definitely room for improvement with many peoples assertiveness. I also can appreciate the difficulty in addressing audiences of this magnitude. I just feel that it is important to covey the message that itâs also okay to be coping differently if you are choosing to do so. Thank you very much for your response as I appreciate all constructive feedback.
Sorry about the error in your username.
Thanks for the thumbs up
having abusive parents make people have fear of confrontation. Thank You Stephanie.
This is great if you are dealing with a healthy person in a healthy relationship and I think that is the context you mean. If you are dealing with someone who has repeatedly been emotionally abusive and toxic by lying and gaslighting you then it seems the wiser course of action would be to leave that person asap. I think this advice is great for a healthy relationship where you hopefully get positive feedback but if not it may be time to think about distancing yourself from a possibly toxic person. Great video as always Stephanie.
I agree
This is true.. BUT sometimes when I deal with someone who upset me (indeed not a narcissist, those are vile and love drama) and whom I can't avoid.. even though I DO fear confrontation.. sometimes I naturally am nasty to them back and feel happy about f***ing up their day. Because I know they deserve it ! It makes me feel good about being honest with myself
I have no fear of any man on this earth when anyone looks at me they see samson they fear me because of my stringth God has made me like this for a reason!
Awesome. I have an aunt that has been disrespectful to me and my kids. I don't want to hurt her feelings but she obviously doesn't mind hurting ours. It's triggering pain from my childhood. This video is going to help me to start advocating to myself. You helped me to identify and organize my thoughts and feelings to put them in a proper space. I am going to be nice and respectful when I confront get and not worry about get reaction. I was having difficulty identifying my feelings and allowing my feelings to be valid
This is me 100%. I've been married 22 yrs. My husband drinks every night, and emotionally and verbally abuses me horribly when he is drinking. During the day when he's sober he's a different person, very nice. He refuses to stop drinking, I can't even bring that up. I try to talk to him about what he says to me and how he treats me when he's sober but he refuses to talk about any of it. When he refuses I just completely back away because I can't handle the thought of arguing because I get severe anxiety. I live with anxiety daily. I'm to the point now I'm seeing a cardiologist because I was just in the ER because my chest pains and palpitations were so bad, I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. They did CT scans and exrays and other things and ruled out a heart attack. I'm so dependant on him and have been for so long I don't even know how I could leave. I know people say just leave...i wish to God it was that easy.
Anxiety Attack
Please leave!
Alanon will change your life for the better.
You are NOT alone.
You do NOT have to leave your husband .
This is an opportunity for you to have a richer life than you ever thought possible .
I hope you go.
Great video. I am a 6 foot, 230lb man who is absolutely terrified of confrontation and people with strong personalities . To make it more funny, I am a licensed therapist. Imagine being able to help others through this process but not yourself. It has caused me depression and anxiety. My wife has lost her emotional attraction to me. I'm trying very hard to break through this issue which has really held me back in life. I know it comes from our childhood. It's difficult!!
Donât be afraid to offend jealous women that are mad at you bc they are jealous â€
Thank you so much for another great video steph.
Youâve easily became my favorite CZcamsr.
Youâre so well spoken and I donât think enough people learn everything they need to that you touch on in your videos.
Iâve sadly found myself in a relationship with a very nice assisted person that Iâm working on getting my way out of through practicing are these implementations.
This video in particular is some thing I have and continue to struggle with in my every day life with every single person I come across and itâs so frustrating.
I struggle the most with feeling that invade me after I confront people. It really takes a toll on me. I starts stressing out so much that I freeze. I feel scared of other people's reactions. I do realise that I can never control other people's reactions or how I will be treated afterward. I feel like I am being pushy as you said.
The panic come from my higher self alerting me that Iâm at the moment to stand up for my self THIS time. In order to repair the time in the past I didnât stand up for my self. I can change the past by changing the present and by quantum entanglement and proxy you can reap the benifits so that when that moment happens again Iâll be triggered to the past where I DID defend my boundary.
GOD JUST DELIVERED ME THROUGH THIS VIDEO !!!!
Now it all makes sense â„ïž
They keep pushing the annoying button. Trying to find the one that annoys you the most, and keep pushing that button. You've asked them not to do it and once, even yelled at them not to do it and they still do it. That's disrespectful in my opinion. I don't even know if they are consciously doing it. Listening to your video's really helps Stephanie Lyn.
They are pushing the button because they want to control you. Stop reacting to the button and they will lose the control.
Like my mother always said. All the horrible things that people did to make you this way is NOT your fault, but it is your responsibility to work on every day if you want to heal!
Gosh I needed this. Iâve literally broken down in tears before and during confrontation. I just found your channel and I want to say thank you for sharing this knowledge!
For myself the fear came from a narc mother who raged when I stood up for myself. Getting better....
You rock Stephanie you are so real about these things and this is so awesome that you coach people. I am so sick of people who are therapists and they know this same content or pretend to know, but oh my god don't expect them at all to share this, so inflexible outside their compartmentalize brain. This played out with one of my therapists as I planned to have an open personal boundary and set the rules, standards and expectations she wants to fully follow. Well, she got a D maybe D+ on trying to take any full responsibilities for her actions looking at things from my perspective. Again Stephanie you are doing an excellent service to the abused, lost, never learned how to properly do what your coaching. You're a blessing.
I've struggled with this my whole life. Didn't realize it was a big problem until today. Thank you for this, I really needed this
I cannot describe to you how significant and valuable your advice, insight and guidance have and continue to be, you enlighten even a somewhat lost soul such as yours truly, thank you for your words
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this. Iâve always feared confrontation with others and it stems from my childhood
đđ been trying to do this somewhere in the pandemic. I realized I need to stop holding back. This is how people take advantage of you or family. I used to be so good lol but life happens. I did learn boundaries while in university in 2017-2019 and did speak up but went through life challenges and was hard to speak up at one point just because I emotionally was shutting down & depressed.
real eye opening, I recall a lot of situations in which I could have made a difference for myself !!! Thank you Stephanie
I came here for advise on how to confront someone I hate as hell...now I'm in therapy . This spoke to my suppressive soul I love it
Your channel has literally saved my life I was being manipulated and abused a lot and I didn't realize it was my brother the problem, remova all assumptions and do fact checking always work!
Admittedly I've been conditioned to feel immense fear towards being verbally confrontational, especially when it comes to my family members and I've been shut down or condemned as the naughty, inconsiderate child and supposedly "typical" as the youngest child in the family to "seek attention". So, as a result, my response/s towards this fear is not necessarily hesitation and staying quiet (because of not "cause a stir" and "ruffle feathers", like Stephanie perfectly said, and impose pain or guilt on anyone and feeling nervous and guilty myself about it) but also sometimes leading towards unreasonable confrontational "blow ups" and acting out of anger from bottling the need to confront, as well as being judged for it. And I very well know that I am responsible in managing the fear, and associated emotions of anger and disgust and how I respond to it - as well as learning healthier ways to respond to conflict and thus also managing the emotions in that regard. I think it's not the fear that's the problem... it's more how we're conditioned to manage the fear, as a result of the emotional conditioning regarding confronting others and/or enforcing self-protective boundaries. So it's like a two-in-one conditioning; emotional and situational. The key is practicing re-writing the response or course of action towards the confrontational fear and when you have opportunities to use it in practice or in a real case scenario, it'll eventually form as a habit. And with a course of action that will lead you towards a result in giving you an ideal outcome or goal, such as the validation, safety, health and respect, peacr and some form of resolution or compromise that you require in a given situation, that may then later alter the way you feel about managing conflict in the future. And from there you may then see your fear of it in a less burdening or pressuring perspective. That said, I am progressively working on it and doing research by reading and watching helpful and insightful videos like this one, and also imagining and dreaming going through what it's like to confront others - and also I've learnt that it is possible to confront or stand your ground without "ruffling feathers" by validating the other person's feelings and acknowledging them and being sorry for how they feel and think about it... but that doesn't mean giving up your position either. You can be on the same page with someone as confrontations aren't a one way street. If the other person makes it that way, the problem is not you, it's the other person - and if he/she is not listening and is refusing, that's not your fault. Say what you gotta say out of what you believe is fair, safe and peaceful for not only yourself but for everyone else including the person you're confronting. Self-care is key - that goes for everyone, including the person we are to confront (and the issues he or she has - which is also indicative of their insecurities and potential lack of self-care themselves). Thanks again for your insight Stephanie.
Thank you Stephanie! This is so me!
So glad you uploaded this just as I saw you were doing a video on it!!
Writing down the instances that affect me is a great piece of advice, Stephanie! Also giving the info on what you would like is appreciated very much. Why didn't I know this on my own? Thanks for this video. You are helping me a lot.
The suppression of my feelings at a young age definitely included my anger which turned into passive aggressive behaviors in my early adult life. I even claimed to not like passive aggression because my understanding of it was incomplete. Getting to know myself let me know my feelings are valid and sometimes my boundaries are gonna piss folks off and that ain't my problem! Confrontation is spookyyyy but I've been challenging myself to speak my peace until it feels comfortable.
Growing up my Mother was always right. I was never to voice my opinion. If she said the sky was purple you better agree with her. Now as an adult I am afraid to stand up for my self. I have a consignment shop that sold a high priced item and has owed me the money for over a month and all I do is text them when are you sending my money? they keep telling me they will get it in the mail, its been 5 weeks now but I hate going there and talking to them face to face. How do I grow a set of balls?
Facts. I love the way you communicate your message.
This is right down my alley. Itâs me all the way. Thanks for the encouragement.
Such a great topic that I struggle with! Thank you for sharing !
Thank you! I've been fearing something but this helped me remember I need to stand up for me.
Thanks for the video, Iâm right there with my assumptions of being labeled, and not accepted. Is a work in progress, getting better each day. Thank you for sharing your vast knowledge. It empowers me a bit more each day!
She is amazing and so helpful.
You are sweet and beautiful!â€Thank you so much for your videos! I love to listen and thrive!
Hey Stephanie! Thank You for uploading this video.
Your videos have been instrumental in my learning to take a stand for my sanity and you are right the more I do this it gets so much easier. Thank you.
Listening to this l realizes there are so few if any people in my life who can handle honest feedback. I tried it and never got good response. The one friendship l thought was healthy and seemed to be ok with honest feedback suddenly exited my life without giving any reason. Praying for a healthy good friendship. đ
This video brought me to tears. You hit the nail exactly on the head as to where I am and what I want to move away from.
this really helped me a lot thank you I have been having a difficult time telling people how i feel and still kinda do but i feel a but stronger now i will confront others when treating me wrongly
Thank you Stephanie, your words touched me and know many things make sense.
Thank you! Thank you! I canât wait for my daughter to hear this. We were just talking about this. Very helpful đ
Thank you so much Stephanie I love how you do step by step on communication hot to teach someone how to treat you!
thank you so much for your video! I always avoid any hot hit moments when I want to communicate for myself, but my fear always hold me back and I don't even know what is that fear and how do I face it, it's fear of confrontation, now I understand it a little more.
Hello Stephanie Lyn Thank you so much, this is right on point, have a beautiful night âđœđ
Especially on these jobs with Toxic Bosses and Coworkers.
im so happy to have come across this video. your clear and concise and firm attitude and communication makes me feel hopeful and more secure
Your videos and insights are huge really huge...these are things many of us face and dont know how to deal with them. This is huge and very effective. Thank you so much.
Thank you Stephanie, this really it home to me. Stood up for myself the other day and now it reminds me how much I love myself.
Spot on ! I have learned so much from discovering you just a few days ago, Thank you, Thank you so much!! Iâm on a journey of changing and growing, Iâm fearful but Iâve made up my mind to do it anyway.
All your videos are a goldmine on CZcams. Thank you.
I never knew this so grateful!
Needed to hear this!! Thank you..today I realised that maybe even after an year of a horrific break up, I haven't really healed. And now my journey towards self love shouldn't be delayed any longer â€ïž
Thank you Stephanie. I really enjoy listening and learning self love from you. You are a great communicator and clearly are following your calling.
I needed this so much. Thankyou.
This was suggested at EXACTLY the right time for me â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž