Julia Samuel on The Guilt Monster: Grief's Complicated Sidekick
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- čas přidán 26. 09. 2022
- One thing that is almost as inevitable as death is the guilt we experience after the death of a loved one. Could we have done something differently, or more often? Could we have devoted more quality time to them? Is there something we wish we'd said or done...or not said or done?
Regrets can be hidden away in shame and can fester, sometimes holding us back for years following the death of a loved one. In this enlightening discussion, Julia Samual MBE seeks to demystify the role that guilt plays in bereavement. She will offer her expert insight, wisdom and compassion to those who are struggling with guilt in grief.
Julia Samuel is one of the UK's leading psychotherapists. She has written two bestselling books about grief - GriefWorks and This Too Shall Pass - and she recently launched a 5* rated app for those who are grieving, Grief Works - a 28 day course to soothe your pain, build your strength and heal.
This recording is from one of hundreds of talks, interviews and workshops run by Good Grief Events. To check out our schedule of free virtual events visit www.goodgrieffest.com
Julia Samuel is incredible.
Sooo insightful. Her words are sooo healing for me.
I feel guilty that I did not protect my son in hospital and made sure that his care was better. He was treated as no one, not important. My son was moved 7 times in 10 days and was never on the appropriate ward. All the time they kept telling me “He is not our patient he is an outlier.” His care was not appropriate for his needs. I just wish that I had pushed more. I was a nurse and knew the care and compassion on the various wards was not good enough and often non existent. I feel so guilty that I didn’t protect him more in his last few days.,
Hindsight is an
Exact science. Blaming yourself is
Natural inevitable and stupid and wrong.
You are repeating my story. My daughter 37. Was moved to every floor, every ward. I lived in hospital for 4 months 24/7. I was afraid of leaving her alone. I saw the horrors that happen at night. I believe she could have been healed of what she had. But so much damage had been done to her body that my daughter did not want to live in how she was left.
Our Medical system in California is a corrupt, greedy, unethical industry.
My understanding is that a reckoning is coming that will shake up the medical industry. Unfortunately to late for my daughter.
I feel that if my pain and guilt diminishes and I become happy and content again , it would mean that my love has lessened . I never want that to happen even if I have to suffer like this for the rest of my life .
My wife died of cancer nearly three years ago but I suffer the same pain constantly . There is so much I want to say to her . If I could only tell her one more time that I adore her . She gave me the last 56 years of her life . I often feel I can no longer live without her . I just carry on for my son and granddaughter . The house remains the same as that terrible day she left it for the last time to go into hospital . I still have all her personal things and her car .
Rest in contentment and peace my darling Janet . I hope one day we can spend eternity together .x
I am so sorry for your loss
@@matheldas Thank you. I appreciate that.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I only got 5 years with my beautiful wife before cancer took her away and I feel exactly the same, Tina said she wanted me to be happy again but I can't see how without her here.
This was so good! Thank you both.
Thank you, this interview is really helpful for me. The strategies make perfect sense now.❤
I'm so glad it was helpful for you Hilde
Thank you both so much ❤
❤ thank you ❤ both
I'm not responsible for my husband not going to the doctor and refusing to acknowledge he had heart disease even though he had all the signs even at 42 when we first got married.
It's just the day he died, I insisted that he fix the car when he wanted to put it off. He died in the ambulance at the place where he was fixing the car and wasn't able to.put the tire back on
He really tried hard to get it done.
I was told that he had been suffering severe chest pains at 8 am which was the time I called him. He died at 912pm
I called him to tell him his supper was ready and to see if he was alright. He never mentioned to me he was having chest pains. He told me he was fine..
So when he called me at 9pm to tell me he was very sorry because he realized he knew he was going to die, and I took the apology to mean he was sorry he didn't listen to my pleas to see the doctor.
I feel if he had went to the heart doctor. It may have saved his life but maybe not, because he had severe atherosclerotic heart disease.
I miss him so much words cannot describe his loss😢😢😢😢😢
He would never complain. If I if he was feeling okay he would always tell me he was fine. He didn't need to be like that with me. I worked in a hospital environment for 25 years in cancer and surgery unit. I'm a strong person
I could have helped him but he was afraid of doctors from childhood trauma of a clueless mother taking him to mean dentists, etc. Also. He was traumatized by his mother's inability to protect her own child from medical professionals. He refused to go along with them and as an adult refused to see doctors
❤💔
@@klarafialova7101 thank you for the comfort.
Thank you for sharing this. It has been so helpful to know you have been left with similar questions.
My partner also died of a heart attack following undiagnosed atherosclerosis. I have also been left with feelings of guilt and feel I should have seen some of the signs.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing. I am trying to be compassionate to myself right now. I have to learn that there are some things which are just not in my control.
I wish you peace.
@stevebrutten1942 thank you for your compassionate reply. I hope the same for you. Please take care.
I am so sorry for the loss you've endured
Thank you so much
My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that. I took for granted that time was limited. I should have swallowed my pride for her sake.
No, some things have to be said. I have recently lost my husband of 47 years and I understand. We deserve to express opinions for our own good sometimes or we suffer ourselves both mentally and physically. Sue x
Guilt tends to tell us that we had/have a lot more control over someone's life-and-death than we do. I don't think you could have prolonged her life by saying or not saying certain words or preventing her from feeling certain emotions. And I think what you truly are feeling guilty about is for not creating an environment of love and peace and for putting her through conflict at a time like that. I think that is appropriate guilt. I think we produce feelings of guilt to prevent ourselves from behaving in such a way in future.
I certainly feel bad for losing my patience when I was a caregiver. But I have to make a choice to forgive myself because I am human and I make mistakes and even though I know that about everybody else for some reason I hold myself to much higher standards.
Guilt turning your spouse over to hospice
Rubbish
Julia is great. The host not so much and she would have had a better video if she hadn’t included herself into the presentation but let Julia be the focus.