Deciding When to Have Kids | You Can Sit With Us Ep. 174
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- čas přidán 20. 11. 2023
- Are Eugene and Matt thinking about thinking about kids? Plus, maintaining long distance friendships and trends that don't really speak to us.
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YOU CAN SIT WITH US
We're your new best friends. In our weekly podcast we dive into female friendships, current events, and what's going on in our lives. Come sit with us, and enjoy!
PODCAST DEPT
Executive Producer | Keith Habersberger
Executive Producer | Eugene Lee Yang
Executive Producer | Zach Kornfeld
Podcast Producer | Rainie Toll
Audio Engineer | Jonathan Kirk
MUSIC: Licensed from AudioNetwork
SFX & VIDEO ASSETS: Licensed from Videoblocks - Komedie
This is one of those episodes where I really feel Ariel's absence. Hearing her take on this would have been amazing.
I felt the same! 😢
i truly miss ariel so much
What happened to her?
@estancia3857 after everything happened with Ned and the whole scandal of his infidelity last year, Ariel left the Second Try team to focus on her family while Ned was removed from the company formally.
She's still around in LA, just not creating with the Try Guys anymore.
I just thought her insight on this topic would have been great to hear.
She was such a lovely addition to this podcast and I truly and sincerely hope she's doing well
I can't believe no one heard Matt's joke when Rainie said "Then you just become straight friends" and Matt said, "Or gay friends". He didn't miss a single beat it was hilarious
I love him
Off subject but i need a lookbook of Maggie’s outfits
This was exactly what I‘ve been thinking!!✨
Fashion moving towards baggy clothes or just abandoning the notion of flattering is one of my favorite things ever. Everything was about how small and skinny you could be for so freaking long and the post covid self expression boom is so fun! Let me have structure in a garment. Let me have room to breathe.
I also like not having to be so self aware of my body anymore
Like if I choose to wear a form fitting shirt or skinny jeans then it's because I choose to and feel confident in it rather than to go with the fashion
I'm also a costume designer so seeing people wear different bagginess of clothes irl has given me so much inspo for future creations!
I am a PhD sociologist who studies family and decision making (like the decision to have kids!) and I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about this episode.
Super curious to hear your thoughts!
Plz share them Doc
Most people don’t even make the ‘decision’ they just get knocked up and go with it or do it because they feel like that’s the normal thing to do. Or women do it to trap men. If they keep popping out babies, it makes it harder for them to leave and keeps the distractions real 😂
Becky brought up a lot of great points. Gender socialization absolutely impacts our feelings about kids and what we think life for adults is supposed to look like. And she also brought up that marriage and childbearing aren't as related as they used to be. Starting in the 60s, particularly with the growing popularity of the birth control pill, reproduction was separated from marriage. The two coincide less and less. Its very commin for childbearing to happen before, after, or without marriage. In general, American society is getting more and more accepting of that. The main point from family research in the US these days is that families are more varied than ever before. While legally the definition of family hasn't changed too much in the last 50 years (though it definitely has, just look at the census), socially and personally the meaning has changed a lot!
But people are generally pretty bad at explaining why they choose to have children (and the research shows that for most people there is some degree of decision-making involved, whether it be about contraception use, or abortion, or adoption). Partly this is because it's pretty much impossible to sepearate individual motivations from the socialization they experience, and partly because there is definitely a biological/evolutionary component to this process. The research is mixed on the best timing for having children, though the parents being younger than 35 does seem to be important. As well as financial resources (including the neighborhood you live in!). Two parents is generally better than one, amd families with fewer kids tend to have more 'successfull' kids (as measured by education and income). The evidence is also mixed on the spacing of children (i.e., 2 yrs or 4 between kids), with the key really being that parents have some amount of control over it (people are generally much happier with their life if they planned for something similar to what they have). Families and children are better off with high paternal involvement (in het. couples). Marriage is better than divorce, except for in the case of high conflict marriages. Happier moms make happier kids. And like they said, there's no such thing as the "perfect" time (though some research will attempt to say that it's late 20s), but there is a right time for every family if that's what they decide.
@@AudreyOmar Super interesting! Thank you for sharing! I'll be 29 next week and definitely very much still in the "IDK if I want kids yet" phase.
As a person getting ready to jump into her mid 30's this "when do I have kids, do I, don't I" question is high on my list.
If you aren’t sure, don’t have them. There’s so much more to life than children.
I definitely live by if I don’t have a good enough partner to have kids with then I’m not having them. People have kids too haphazardly with people that are awful or because kids are like dolls to them, it’s hard to watch
This is such a complicated question to answer. I became a mother at the start of my mid 30s. It's the hardest thing like everyone says but not enough people talk about how amazing it can be. I love my tiny human so much and I don't know why I waited so long. I waited until I was married because it was important that I have a committed partner. That's one thing I can't stress enough- make sure you pick your maybe future child's parent with that in mind. Will this person raise a child with me with my same values? Is this person capable of handling the ups and downs of early childhood? Can this be a supportive partner during pregnancy( if your the person bearing the child)? My love for my husband grew because I saw how amazing he is at being a father.
I remember watching the one where Becky shared the story of Henry’s birth while I had my baby in me still thinking I can’t even imagine. He is now one month old after being born 8 weeks early! I now can imagine and understand first hand what a hard time it was, knowing what I know now thought I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s so warming to hear about them doing parenting now
As someone experiencing infertility at 31 I’d just maybe say Maggie to go and get her and Zach checked just so you have more options and information to make your own timeline ❤ nobody expects to have unforeseen issues and would maybe give you both more peace of mind
Yeah and with Zach's chronic health issues they should consider genetic counselling. My husband and I each have different heritable conditions
Yeah, sometimes it can be a really small fix. It's better to make informed decisions. I'm going to go for (crass name but that's what they call it in the UK) a Fertility MOT soon to see what's up
If they do decide to have a kid, I would want them to adopted. Because there’s a chance the kid will have health issues just like Zachy-wacky.
And to see and hear of that, knowing that maybe it could get worse…I couldn’t be able to bear that. Knowing how Zachy can’t have peace while sleeping. 😔💔
@andebrown3800 That's a really messed up thing to say, because you're unintentionally advocating eugenics. Also, if you have a serious chronic illness it's extremely difficult to be approved for adoption
It's not messed up; I'm thinking of the future child. They may have, chronic pain can be hereditary/last a lifetime.
And Zachy has a weak immune system
And he even said himself, that he's family had a bad gene pool. And that child may suffer and get handle that burden of not being able to sleep. And be in constant pain. And the medicine may stop working.
The postpartum hair loss is real. I'm three months postpartum with twins and am so scared to wash or brush my hair.
Not me sitting here listening to Becky talk about haircuts when I literally chopped my own hair off with Sally Beauty shears yesterday ahahahahaha
I love Rainie's question about alone time when you have people visiting. My parents are currently visiting with their two dogs, I have two dogs and I'm working from home. So my "alone" time while they're here is when I'm working. I'm excited to see them but the second they get here, it's like I can't wait to be a lazy loner again lol.
The gilded age is also very much filmed in Troy, New York. As a person who is from here it’s one of our main current day points of pride. They come in once a year now, and cover the streets with dirt and have horse drawn carriages, and it’s a whole fun thing watching them do the window dressings in our regular stores.
As someone who is in a long distance relationship and friendship, it's really about making time for one another and understand that life happens but you got to put in the effort from both parties otherwise it's really hard for it to work out. I text once in a while to say hey just checking in, and then usually schedule a video call after they respond later on
I feel heard and seen with Rainee and Becky talking about summer i turned pretty
As someone who’s just cooked for my own wedding (60 people) crockpots are your best friend and seconding lots of prep pre day. Veggies freeze so if it has to be baked day of just prep the veggies and throw them in the freezer. Most desserts can be baked a day or 2 ahead of time 💜💜
At 42:46 I can hear everyone from Washington scream "It's Mount Rainier!!!!"
I knew I came to the comments for a reason 😂
Advice for hosting! It’s okay to ask for help. Don’t hesitate to assign out tasks or dishes. Be wary of oven space, especially on turkey day. Assign out DJ duty to someone that will enjoy the job
There's something about the level of drama in The Summer I Turned Pretty that reminds me of Dawson's Creek, so naturally I'm drawn to it
Becky calling One Piece a cartoon is so funny 😂
omg girls, you helped me so much. i’m an early matriarch in my family and host every year and your Thanksgiving suggestions were super helpful!! thanks a bunch ❤
I’m gen z, but I like all the “millennial” stuff. The whole generation thing goes too far sometimes
Same!
yeah! like can we all just have fun??? if the “millennials” stuff is just them being silly and not them having old outdated immoral views about for example, gay people, then who cares! let the people have fun! (im gen z i think i cant be fucked to check)
Yes! It doesn't make sense to generalize people in every way just because they were born in the same or a similar time period
I also feel like the Gen z vs millennial thingy is with younger Gen z but us old Gen z who grew up with and have similar vibes as millennials are booed
The thing that drives me crazy is that no one agrees where the generational lines are, and people are such gatekeepers about it. In the US, the generation line between millennials and Gen z is actually 2001 (Population Reference Bureau), but so many people on both "sides" fight about it. Generational "divides" are so much more fluid than society likes to acknowledge. (Sorry for the rant, I'm a sociologist and this is one of my topics of fascination lol)
Ooh I'm loving everyone's style today, especially what is going on with Matt's hair
We need more advice! I loved this!💗
I think Becky's advice regarding when to have children is really sensible, good advice.
New York Times has a CZcams with Claire Saffitz taking you through it all...realistic and calming....and sometimes mistakes make great dinner inventions. L'chaim.
I was a stand-in/double in the Buccaneers and I love the Gilded Age too!
Maggie- have those disposable togo (think take out containers from costco) for people to take home leftovers!
Amazing advice and loved this ep, but I'm so gay and so into Drag Race, at 55:22, when Becky went "Don't let the" my brain immediately autofilled it as "Don't let the smooth taste fool you, baby" from Symone, and when it wasn't that, I had to catch up 😂
My best friend lives on a different continent (but the same time zone), and we're constantly texting, for hours, nearly every day. It's been over 20 years and we´re still going strong. As for kids, I'm not sure there's a "perfect" time to have kids but there are times where it's the worst timing ever, from finances to relationships and mental/physical health. I travelled with my 7 month old to visit said best friend. It was a 12 hr flight and the baby slept 10 of it 😄
I love that Matt loves watching period pieces he makes me feel SEEN
I thought I escaped postpartum hairloss at 4 months too! Nope. It started around 5 months and it was AWFUL! I don’t know how I wasn’t bald.
Omg please give us a summer I turned pretty episode!!
Marco Polo honestly has been a GAME CHANGER for me both as an autistic person who needs async communication and as someone who moved cross-country in 2020 and is still locked down. 😭It's a great way to feel connected.
Btw Miles still listed as Podcast Producer and Rainie as editor
True like they didn't bother to change it. I guess Since Rainie have 3 podcast (YCSWU, Trypod & Guilty Pleasures) so they just copy and paste all of the infos haha
@@whereyoubean This may have been filmed and edited while Miles was still producer.
Hard agree with Becky and Rainie, team Conrad for life!
A big thing for me when I had my baby... Was not so much being prepared for what's to come but be prepared to be flexible. We had planned a "natural" birth and ended up at the emergency c section, then we planned to exclusively breastfeed and that didn't work out due to complications.. we ended up with formula (a $600/month extra expense). Oh and the pandemic was announced just a few months after I found out about the pregnancy.
So you can never be 100% prepared. It's more of do you want a baby in the near future? And I think as long as you're willing to love and do whatever it takes to make things work + being in a financially good space.. then it's more just a "if not now then when" type of question.
Same Becky same about the post partum hair loss! I thought I escaped it then month 5 it’s coming out by the handful!
As much as I love that this topic brought up, I do lament at the common occurrence of making the decision to NOT have kids isn’t really a given or brought up as often and in some cases aren’t even validated. 🫤
Speaking as a GenX and having moved across the country, my closest girlfriends and I have a discord channel we can just rant and vent about anything and everything and we can all read interact and reply when we have time in our day, I often wake up to a million messages because the rest of them are on the opposite coast but it's never stressful because we all have our own lives and schedules so we get to it when we get to it
We need another advice portiooon ❤ love this
Maggie, you should take Amtrak up north to see your friend. It's a really nice train trip. :)
A lot of gilded age scenes were filmed in upstate NY (Troy). My BIL was an extra in the 1st season.
I like that you change the title 😉
The original title was about if Eugene and Matt will be having kids
Also Rainie you can always just have lunch or a dinner with that friend instead of feeling like you need to be there ALL day lol
❤ I think you and your partner will know the perfect time to have kids but it’s also ok if you don’t want kids at all
I went through two PP sheds. The first was around 4 months or so, and again around 8ish maybe? Then you get into the frizzy regrowth period 😓
and that’s when I got my pixie cut lol
It was actually filmed in Troy ny, but the behind the scenes was SO COOL
❤️ Maggie I see you girl 🤗 big hugs and kiss (keep it simple) family is family just chill with it and keep it that way. You don’t have to impress anyone. They just show up ! That’s it. Easy, done.. wipe your hands. You’re done 👌☺️🥰
So excited to wake up on my birthday to a new episode!
Happy birthday 🎉
happy birthday!
Happy birthday 🎉
Happy happy birthday! 🎉
Becky I NEED your pear shirt. Where is it from???
Write up a timing schedule for everything....say you are eating at 4pm, then the turkey comes out oat 3:45 for carving etc
There is indoor all year round skiing.
Maggie's hair discussion really resonated with me. My sisters have straight hair but i have thick curls. Mum put a lot of effort into their hair and curled it for special events. My hair was cut short.
Thinking back, it feels like they tried on my look as a costume, but day to day I wasn't worth the effort
i am a teenage show lover like matt
Four months postpartum and I know exactly how Becky feels. I’m terrified to brush my hair.
maggie we are kindred spirits bc i also was excessively overly hyped for the trolls movie and it DID NOT DISAPPOINT. like my friends were all like let's go see the new hunger games! and i was like orrrr TROLLS
Yay to the One Piece Live Action shout-out / acknowledgement! ❤
The tucking of the shirt is probably more due to having a shorter torso and wanting to legthen your legs, i do it too! It fits the body's proportions more 😊
YCSWA: 14 is a lot
Me every year: it's 25 ppl on each side of my fam for our immediate and we all live in the same city so it's 25 twice a holiday 😅😅
Becky: I watched One Piece and I love it!
Me, a weeb minding their business: Oh i didn’t know they were into anime that’s cool!
Becky: It’s getting a second season!
Me:… okay, i think we’re talking about two different pieces 😅
Yeah they’re talking about the new live action version
I’m 28 and idk I feel young but old at the same time. Definitely not ready for kids (outside my pup) but maybe in the future
Becky and I have different issues, I have live actions but love anime haha I just can get behind One Piece live action XD
Have you tried it and didn't like it or just hesitant to try? I'll say that most anime live-action adaptations suck, but this one's pretty great!
If Raine had ringlets as a child, she can easily get it back as an adult! I have curly hair and use a microfiber towel to dry it, but am still having trouble with finding the right product my hair likes. My hair is weird about it but there is something for everyone!
As a new mom I enjoy these topics, and I know they’re not for everyone, it’s not something they talk a lot about
That is is people want children! Never assume!❤
I absolutley LOVE One Piece! Monkey D. Luffy's moral compass is ALL about HARM REDUCTION!
STAN guilded age
I hate the baggy trend because I feel like no one has any shape. Everyone looks like a blob and I hate it for myself and my body. But I'm definitely a millennial.
When i was in my emo teen years i would wear my bangs in my face and my dad hateddddd it ! Whenever he would see it he would put my banga up like a unicorn 😂
It was between 6-9 months pp that my whole hairline fell out 😭 so sad
YES One Piece was incredible 😭
Obviously, I know nothing, but I felt like Maggie came across as a bit sad and guarded towards the end of this video! Hope all is well. ❤
yeah I cut my hair short for the summer and grow it out the rest of the year
What about SCYTHE
If you want kids, then just have kids. Fertility declines rapidly with age, and honestly there is no "right time". I wish someone had actually been honest about how hard it can be if you wait because of fertility issues. Everyone should get their hormones tested to make sure nothing is wrong if you know you want children because many issues can be silent. I had silent endometriosis and lost an ovary because of it.
Why does the camera have to flick to Raine every, single, time, she giggles
Love the Gilded Age ❤
The hair horror stories are so real! My mom cut my bangs at the start of Christmas holidays and told me to keep my eyebrows relaxed. At some point I looked up at her cutting thinking I was fine. When she was done, my bangs were waaaay too short. I was so horrified but thankfully I had 2 weeks to grow it out before going back to school.
Can't remember last time I tucked.
I need to know Maggie’s option on the newest Trolls Movie! Because as a fellow trolls lover,,, I HATED IT. Just absolutely awful! It felt like a bad acid trip 😭
oh my gosh in a video you guys take of baby you should plaster the Klieth face on
Wait, is Becky Jewish???
Or maybe Keith's side of the family?
Why would you take candid pictures of people? That's rude. You should ask first. I hate being photographed. If there's an event with a professional photographer, I tell them, "Don't take my picture."
Oof. Becky calling/referring to the One Piece anime as a "cartoon," and then confusing the anime with the manga...and also she mispronounced the word manga....
So, for clarification instead of "cartoon," One Piece is a Japanese anime. And additionally the manga is the comic book form of an anime and generally is the original source material that comes before an anime....
So...VERY different things!
But also, to be fair Becky....One Piece both the anime and the manga are an acquired taste even among people such as myself who watch a lot of anime or read a lot of manga, and both are EXTREMELY long. So One Piece is a hard anime/manga to get into.
To be fair in Japanese anime stands for animation since Japanese like to shorten words, especially borrowed words like animation. Also cartoons are motion pictures using drawing to create animation so calling anime “a cartoon” isn’t off the mark.
you must be fun at parties
All anime is cartoons but not all cartoons are anime
Y’all gotta time these ads better. In the middle of words, even. Not just interrupting topics.
PLEASE make dedicated ad breaks
I love you guys but please stop working with betterhelp
They've been working with them for years. Tbh, I used it for a year and thought it was a great option when I didn't have insurance but not sure why every pod seems to illicit this kind of response. What are the concurrent issues with it?
They never will lol I’ve seen so many comments about this and they just ignore them
It's unfortunate that SO MANY CZcamsrs are sponsored by them now despite all the comments against them. I feel like it's all the ones I watch now.
um, the French tuck is not French at all, hhahahahahaha, no way, it's Korean!!!!! No joke. I moved to Korea in 2015, and I had never ever seen this thing done before till I moved there, not even in France, and I have family in France (I'm now a resident of France). Every young person in Korea was doing, I had no Idea people were calling it a "French tuck" until like 2019 or 2020, and I swear they must've picked it up from the Koreans. My opinion/though process is Koreans are much better dressed than french people, lol, I'm not kidding, this is after 5 years living in Korea and now 3 1/2 years in France. The thing is Koreans dress in a way that they think is French style, hahahahhahahahahaahah, lol, it's so hilarious, they made up the style itself and attributed it to the French when know French I'd ever seen were doing it till after they saw it in like K-dramas or whatever, hahahahah
You’ll have kids in God’s time
Not everyone believes in God or even wants kids. This statement is often obnoxious at best and at worst actually really hurts a lot of people.
That message is for Zach’s wife not for everyone.
And Just because not everyone doesn’t believe in God, doesn’t deny His existence. And having kids is not for everyone. It’s for the brave and happy.
Don’t have kids 😂 they’re expensive, the world is going to absolute s**t, why on earth would you want to bring a child into this. Go and foster or adopt. Plenty of kids already waiting to be loved and cared for.
I’m kind of confused as to why Becky does this podcast? She seems SO guarded and private. Which is totally cool if you work in finance…but maybe not podcasting
Get over it Becky
I cant believe i used to watch you guys talk about important stuff and i used to be a hardcore fan. But.. weeks after weeks of waiting for just someone to bring up the g*nocide thats happening in palestine, especially from becky who’s never shy away from important issues- decides to talk about haircuts instead. On top of that, the ick i got when you guys proceeds to talk about thanksgiving aka native american’s g*nocide, sounds pretty tone deaf to me. Anyways, i tuned in cause the title seems intriguing only to be left disgusted and disappointed. Wish any of you could do better than talk about white people or just american issues.
leave the turkeys alone please :(
you talk about non-vegan food stuff so often im gonna have to stop supporting if it doesnt stop :(
They want to eat meat let them be since when was eating meat a crime ?
Girl if you refuse to watch anyone that’s not a vegan you might as well not even bother with CZcams lol
@@salvetre3966 I didnt say it was a crime.
@@gothicxromantic I didn't say I only watch vegans.
They're not even vegan, why are you so upset that they're talking about non-vegan food? So absolutely strange
for thanksgiving hosting I would set up a light app plate. nothing too heavy to ruin dinner but to help create an appetite without edibles. I'm not a huge fan of cheese boards or charcuteries because people can over indulge. but for after dinner hangout and games it's the best especially if you have some leftovers.
I agree with Matt some things like clothes are to baggy I am a short person and baggy jeans make me look like a bag or a clown and also they’re too long they always cover my feet I hate them. I get that tall people like them but clothes should be universal not one size fits all, cause we don’t have the same body shape or length, that’s why I still use skinny jeans. 🥲