I'm that person who will go to an extent of borrowing from mobile lenders to help others. It's been really hard to say No and I always end up stressed when I don't help. I'm learning and unlearning.
A big sister of mine borrowed me small money (200 bob) she got mad when i asked for my money back but never showed me. She thinks my life is easy and i have no business asking for my small money back. Over one year now she doenst talk to me. 😔
As i am watching this show, i am thinking about how much other people have taken care of me my whole life. Till now i still find myself running back to the same people for the same kind of need and looking back on how other people have stood up for me, i wonder what it would have been like if they said NO to me. I have not done anything to them to pay back and i know i can not pay back, the only way i see is to pay it forward and thats why i find it so Hard to say NO when i am in position to help. The same people that help me are not the very people i help back😢
People pleasing is sort of a demon every self aware person should willingly work to break away from. You end up with resentment for expecting reciprocity which rarely or never happens.
My mother was always concerned about helping people, making them happy and carrying their burdens even most times more than mine. She also had a lot of friends. When she passed away none of the people she cared so much about and served came for her funeral. It made me realize that in this world you should put God first on your life cuz He is the only one who is faithful. After God put yourself first and take care of yourself very well. After yourself if there is any one who genuinely loves you and you can see it in their actions towards you, treat them well too. Be good to all but never play the role of God in people's lives. Also never make it your responsibility to be concerned about the happiness of people that don't care about your own happiness. They have a Creator.
I refused to cry with people coz when it came to my time, I cried alone. Let everyone cry their cry. I don't borrow money. Niliamua kama nitakosa rent na Mungu aninyime,acha nikalale kwa milango ya duka. Nisaidie watu halafu wanitukane. One had the gutts to tell me "tends wema nenda zako" when she gave me a deal ya 9k and took my cut 1500 nikampa the rest, I had to send her all the money, kept nothing...I analyzed that statement and asked myself, on a serious note, what have I been doing here all this time thinking this is my friend? I paid her bills in hospital for two weeks when her family couldn't even show up,today naambiwa niende zangu aftet kutenda wema. Nijikute tena mimi Steve,nijikute!!
My take home, YOU CAN NEVER BE A MESSIAH TO EVERYONE SOMETIMES LET THEM SEE YOU AS A DEMON. GROW AND ESTABLISH YOURSELF IN SILENCE. MAJORITY OF THOSE WE HELP HAVE VARIETY OF OPTIONS OF SEEKING HELP. ACTIVATE SELF-LOVE❤ AND YOU WON'T DEPEND ON THEIR TIMELY PRAISES. REMEMBER EVEN THE DEAD ARE PRAISED NOMATTER HOW BAD THEY WERE.
The only thing you didn't mention is my name . Just the other day I took one niece to college without even thinking because of putting myself in her shoe(being an orphan myself and struggling). It's been 8 years of working and earning considerably good amount but with so little to show for it. The biological clock is ticking, I still have to push myself harder .I'm no longer happy with the job and day by day I feel more and more unhappy.I wish I could start a life and a family but I'm somehow stuck on this side. I've seen my brother to university only for him to turn out alcoholic,he's been using me all along . Thanks Benjamin
May the good you did to others trace you. I understand you v well but wait God is not blind. What you gave with good heart to help others to be better persons but turned against your generosity, don't regret it. Move on, learn and be focused. It's not all lost
Hehehe i know someone wah! 10k she paid 4k the rest she refused to pay me then i told her not to pay because i was tired of asking her.The next shock was when she came back to me that she needs help her daughter wants to travel abroad,i told here go to the bank that's how our relationship ended and am happy now.People have habits that you wonder what's wrong with them.
Thank you so much, I have had it enough being nice. I'm done rescuing people. Spend all my twenties attending to other peoples emergencies.... I'm going to recover my life in my 30s.. its sad to work and have nothing for yourself 😢.
For us living overseas we are the most vulnerable and exploited the best by family members and so called good friends -- I have been a victim of circumstances, paid school fees for the nephews and nieces, remodeling my parents house, paid hospital bills for my dad ... And not mentioning daily support that is uncounted for, things hit hard on me the time I need them help either building my house or telling them am really struggling and need time to help myself too... I became an enemy, niliambiwa--- am throwing blanks that I don't have kids, am stingy, am not responding to take care of my parents, people are building apartments in kenya and i have nothing, honestly i threw the helping keys to the sea and now its myself first not them.. op tjings will turn ut well.. giving people unpaid cash is a no!!😊
After finishing my mom house on got broke ..Guess what a story for another day as I typing tiz mom chase me out of her compound...but doing well got job they are begging be back
Vice President: Kijana Wamalwa gave so much to his Family. He did not even own a house , the government had to buy a house for the wife who was about to be evicted. N some family members r busy frustrating his kids right now.
I have been unable to quit fuliza whenever I fuliza it's not for myself, society work, matanga, hospital, school fee fundraiser, church building, saving the old days friends, family members even some with more valuables that myself but looks for your intervention.
Sorry. This happens a lot. I stopped drawing from my savings to "help" others when I realised that they were only "needy" because they were paying loans for their huge investments Investments which I can only dream of. #LenderBeWare
Good topic...but on behalf of the gulf team hapo kwa investing in family is a big Noo!!!....they suck everything inabidi useme nlikatwa salary because they drain to the last coin...uzuri pia umesema kuwe na limits..
Wah! I thought I was the one being addressed throughout the conversation. Damn! I have been a tap of help for the last 4 years. I have never grown myself. Saying NO has been a hard thing for me. Today onwards, "No, thank you" will be a norm.
Benjamin,this is the most potent message and education ive received from you since i vegun following you,ill lesrn to control myself going forward! I sort other people's financial issues onetime i forgot to psy my bills only to be awakened by. 40k bill arrears when i tried to ask the people to keep their promises to pay back noone moved! Round hi wataona!
Do not forget that sometimes people will tell you sad stories and play victims, just get help. I’m saying it doesn’t happen, only for that reason. But be careful.
I have this problem of being too nice...i have gotten some loans before to help people out and to this day some people have never paid me back and i dont know how to ask for it back 😭😭 i do like helping out tho 🤷🏾♀️ and not for clout. I treat people nice and with kindness because i also want to be treated the same
Now i understood i hv problem of being too nice to people, i hv been con by people 😢lend me money i wll pay back, tht moment i will send what i hv,i find myself too making alot of contributions to people,not anymore God knows please I need a heart of stone, no helping anymore
Benjamin, thank you for the helpful information you share. I am unlearning this nice person trait it's very draining and steals one's confidence. People can walk all over you. Healthy boundaries and self love is a must when dealing with others. Change is as good as a rest.
Waah,very dis heartening, for good hearted people,the society need to shape up n take up their crosses,,no one has enough,people are just too selfish n they pretend to be friends,,thanks so much Benjamin n the lady for this enlightenment
Mr.Benjamin your intelligence hits me hard😢i needed to hear these words,giving out has been my order of the day where i never receive back even a sweet!!
It is well my dear. We are many. Even when we don't have people still don't believe we don't have. And we are the specie type of people who don't know how to ask for help.
My God, this came at the right time, thank you Jesus🙏. I feel so sorry for my Grandpa who was a victim at his peak times & right now life is too tough for him, so sad.
Awesome session with a lot of wisdom. Mr. Zulu, there are also those family you will labour hard and give everything and even go extra mile. And when you no longer have to give. No one believes you. Even when you are dying
I saved this video (watch later) 2months ago😊n today I just felt like I should watch it. Guess what 😋 that's my new resolution from now on. Thanks bro you really nailed it there. I've been giving n giving, I had to run away from people n went to another province to start my own life. God bless you guys✊🏿
Some Families are toxic. So if it means you helping those homeless children so do it. Family, can be the best gift or the worst nightmare. Don't compare families. This topic is very informative and important to everyone who cares to listen. Thanks for sharing
Just as am listening.....'hi teacher nimejaribu kilajia nairobi siwezani njaa itanimalizia hapa' ... This is a guy we worked together in a home. It has been like this for years. Now i know better.
Woww lily as a host is just amazing for this show...so engaging and participative..I love it...am learning alot from you sir..keep going please 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💝💝💝💝🔥🔥🔥
This is me, i will deny myself to give to others, i will put my problems aside to listen to others..but when it comes to my time most do you dirt yet you were were there for them without expecting anything in return but atlst was good for them to be good to me. Am too patient and nice to people and since there is rare reciprocation i have ended up with resentment...juzi a frd i helped so much turned the tables on me n even insulted me coz now she has money n i dont yet l asked for nothing from her but a shoulder to lean on.
I'm a victim. CZcams suggested this for me 😂😂😂But honestly last night I went to bed thinking about how to start being selfish and save the small monies I always give out just like that.
This is me 😢also am in the situation where by I have to provide for a parent who is capable of working but won't all in the name of she don't want to be employed
Thank you Zulu, you are so right, Joshua selman said he had taken care of so many problems untill one day he saw a pic of Jesus on the cross thats when it dawned on him that he never died for anyone Jesus did and thats when he decided he needs to ne going for vacation.i need to stop being nice too
I'm that person who will go to an extent of borrowing from mobile lenders to help others. It's been really hard to say No and I always end up stressed when I don't help. I'm learning and unlearning.
I was like you but this days I lost all of them because of saying no.. Girl you better wake up!! Start saying no and they will dissappear
I have learnt, if something is not in my budget, then I can comfortably, guilty free, tell you am not in a position to help.
That has helped me a lot.
Same here😢
You'll need to develop a thick skin and master to say NO otherwise you'll be depleted
@@daphinenamuli7566 Yeah I'm learning to say No and mean it and be at peace.
A big sister of mine borrowed me small money (200 bob) she got mad when i asked for my money back but never showed me.
She thinks my life is easy and i have no business asking for my small money back.
Over one year now she doenst talk to me. 😔
I need to stop this giving 😢😢😢😢. Nimelipia watu maternity, kuzaa, school fees ya watoi, food for family rent....na mi hata sina mtoto. Am soo tired
"If the Tables Turn and You Need Help,This People Usually Flee." May God Help Us.
Yes. Or never have nothing for you.
Now days people care for their own family,,,hard to consider relatives problems while his or her own family's problems hit the spot
As i am watching this show, i am thinking about how much other people have taken care of me my whole life. Till now i still find myself running back to the same people for the same kind of need and looking back on how other people have stood up for me, i wonder what it would have been like if they said NO to me. I have not done anything to them to pay back and i know i can not pay back, the only way i see is to pay it forward and thats why i find it so Hard to say NO when i am in position to help. The same people that help me are not the very people i help back😢
People pleasing is sort of a demon every self aware person should willingly work to break away from. You end up with resentment for expecting reciprocity which rarely or never happens.
True
Very true
My mother was always concerned about helping people, making them happy and carrying their burdens even most times more than mine. She also had a lot of friends. When she passed away none of the people she cared so much about and served came for her funeral. It made me realize that in this world you should put God first on your life cuz He is the only one who is faithful. After God put yourself first and take care of yourself very well. After yourself if there is any one who genuinely loves you and you can see it in their actions towards you, treat them well too. Be good to all but never play the role of God in people's lives. Also never make it your responsibility to be concerned about the happiness of people that don't care about your own happiness. They have a Creator.
Very true. I figured out early enough not to carry other people's burdens and not feel guilty about it. Ihave no regrets
Thanks for speaking to me
I’m glad I read this comment
That’s so sad.
You may be my twin coz my late mom did exactly this and later 😢😢non of those people she helped appeared to stand with us
I refused to cry with people coz when it came to my time, I cried alone. Let everyone cry their cry. I don't borrow money. Niliamua kama nitakosa rent na Mungu aninyime,acha nikalale kwa milango ya duka. Nisaidie watu halafu wanitukane. One had the gutts to tell me "tends wema nenda zako" when she gave me a deal ya 9k and took my cut 1500 nikampa the rest, I had to send her all the money, kept nothing...I analyzed that statement and asked myself, on a serious note, what have I been doing here all this time thinking this is my friend? I paid her bills in hospital for two weeks when her family couldn't even show up,today naambiwa niende zangu aftet kutenda wema. Nijikute tena mimi Steve,nijikute!!
😂😂😂😂
So sorry for that, good thing you've learnt your lesson
Pole sana, but continue helping
Got that statement too alot.. pole.. it's hurting...
Just block her.
My take home, YOU CAN NEVER BE A MESSIAH TO EVERYONE SOMETIMES LET THEM SEE YOU AS A DEMON. GROW AND ESTABLISH YOURSELF IN SILENCE. MAJORITY OF THOSE WE HELP HAVE VARIETY OF OPTIONS OF SEEKING HELP. ACTIVATE SELF-LOVE❤ AND YOU WON'T DEPEND ON THEIR TIMELY PRAISES. REMEMBER EVEN THE DEAD ARE PRAISED NOMATTER HOW BAD THEY WERE.
🎉🎉🎉
The only thing you didn't mention is my name .
Just the other day I took one niece to college without even thinking because of putting myself in her shoe(being an orphan myself and struggling).
It's been 8 years of working and earning considerably good amount but with so little to show for it.
The biological clock is ticking, I still have to push myself harder .I'm no longer happy with the job and day by day I feel more and more unhappy.I wish I could start a life and a family but I'm somehow stuck on this side.
I've seen my brother to university only for him to turn out alcoholic,he's been using me all along .
Thanks Benjamin
Hey, sorry for what you are going through.Hope u find an opening in this season.
May the good you did to others trace you. I understand you v well but wait God is not blind. What you gave with good heart to help others to be better persons but turned against your generosity, don't regret it. Move on, learn and be focused. It's not all lost
It's never too late to start a fresh
Its never late
Hehehe i know someone wah! 10k she paid 4k the rest she refused to pay me then i told her not to pay because i was tired of asking her.The next shock was when she came back to me that she needs help her daughter wants to travel abroad,i told here go to the bank that's how our relationship ended and am happy now.People have habits that you wonder what's wrong with them.
😮 No wonder in my mid 50s and still have nothing but always working. I have been VERY NICE all through! I wish I heard this 30 years ago 😳
It's not late, in 10 years you can do a lot.
Thank you so much, I have had it enough being nice. I'm done rescuing people. Spend all my twenties attending to other peoples emergencies.... I'm going to recover my life in my 30s.. its sad to work and have nothing for yourself 😢.
Well done am out here recovering in my 40’s
You don't have to be nice in this world,you should be KIND.
👌👌👌
For us living overseas we are the most vulnerable and exploited the best by family members and so called good friends -- I have been a victim of circumstances, paid school fees for the nephews and nieces, remodeling my parents house, paid hospital bills for my dad ... And not mentioning daily support that is uncounted for, things hit hard on me the time I need them help either building my house or telling them am really struggling and need time to help myself too... I became an enemy, niliambiwa--- am throwing blanks that I don't have kids, am stingy, am not responding to take care of my parents, people are building apartments in kenya and i have nothing, honestly i threw the helping keys to the sea and now its myself first not them.. op tjings will turn ut well.. giving people unpaid cash is a no!!😊
My dear, you're right. Hmm
You have described my exact story. ..Am hated but am in peace now.
After finishing my mom house on got broke ..Guess what a story for another day as I typing tiz mom chase me out of her compound...but doing well got job they are begging be back
@@jennyrhein3031🎉🎉🎉
You would have experience that even if you were here in Kenya. It's your nice heart that was being exploited. Stay alert!
Realy needed this the self importance image, someone was requesting 200 Bob for lunch in the name of "tajiri wangu" in a month l had spend a lot
Vice President: Kijana Wamalwa gave so much to his Family. He did not even own a house , the government had to buy a house for the wife who was about to be evicted. N some family members r busy frustrating his kids right now.
I have been unable to quit fuliza whenever I fuliza it's not for myself, society work, matanga, hospital, school fee fundraiser, church building, saving the old days friends, family members even some with more valuables that myself but looks for your intervention.
Sorry. This happens a lot. I stopped drawing from my savings to "help" others when I realised that they were only "needy" because they were paying loans for their huge investments
Investments which I can only dream of. #LenderBeWare
Good topic...but on behalf of the gulf team hapo kwa investing in family is a big Noo!!!....they suck everything inabidi useme nlikatwa salary because they drain to the last coin...uzuri pia umesema kuwe na limits..
Wah! I thought I was the one being addressed throughout the conversation. Damn! I have been a tap of help for the last 4 years. I have never grown myself. Saying NO has been a hard thing for me. Today onwards, "No, thank you" will be a norm.
This clip IS FOR ME!!! ALL OF IT🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
This is soo deep and relatable..I am a recovering people pleaser Thank you Benjamin for your wise nuggets
Me too😢!
Me too im glad i came across this
Im glad i came across this. Been too good to people they forget after. I need to change
Just recovering, went through this so much . Zulu you are spot on your topics. This one you just didn't mention my name. Thank you so much.
Timeless advice, Great value
This is me into dimensions nilikuwa na ombwa sasa nini mi naomba nikiombwa😢😢 I thin i need more than deliverance 😢😢
This is me you are talking about.Thanks so much Benjamin.Its time to think of me.
Benjamin,this is the most potent message and education ive received from you since i vegun following you,ill lesrn to control myself going forward! I sort other people's financial issues onetime i forgot to psy my bills only to be awakened by. 40k bill arrears when i tried to ask the people to keep their promises to pay back noone moved! Round hi wataona!
Thank you, benjamin. I have learned a lot.i have been one of the nice people you are talking about.never again.
Thank you Benjamin, I've learned this when I'm almost 40.
So so true Benjamin, keep the good work up
Thank for speaking directly to me.
😭😭thank u Lord for saving my life through this message....God bless you sir
Do not forget that sometimes people will tell you sad stories and play victims, just get help. I’m saying it doesn’t happen, only for that reason. But be careful.
Good advice surely I need to stop being sympathy with people in need every time.
I have this problem of being too nice...i have gotten some loans before to help people out and to this day some people have never paid me back and i dont know how to ask for it back 😭😭 i do like helping out tho 🤷🏾♀️ and not for clout. I treat people nice and with kindness because i also want to be treated the same
@mercy not everyone has a heart like you, save your energy
You just people pleasing my dear .....one day it will backfire on you😢
Now i understood i hv problem of being too nice to people, i hv been con by people 😢lend me money i wll pay back, tht moment i will send what i hv,i find myself too making alot of contributions to people,not anymore God knows please I need a heart of stone, no helping anymore
Great topic!!! have learnt so much
Benjamin, thank you for the helpful information you share. I am unlearning this nice person trait it's very draining and steals one's confidence. People can walk all over you. Healthy boundaries and self love is a must when dealing with others. Change is as good as a rest.
Waah,very dis heartening, for good hearted people,the society need to shape up n take up their crosses,,no one has enough,people are just too selfish n they pretend to be friends,,thanks so much Benjamin n the lady for this enlightenment
Yes Mr Zulu you need to talk about finances in both family and friends
Mr.Benjamin your intelligence hits me hard😢i needed to hear these words,giving out has been my order of the day where i never receive back even a sweet!!
It is well my dear. We are many. Even when we don't have people still don't believe we don't have. And we are the specie type of people who don't know how to ask for help.
I used to take panadols for people 's headaches , thanks to God I outgrew that.
You don't know how to feel important unless you are rescuing people😮😮 Help me God I'm tired I can even fail to eat feeding others😢
I can relate... learning to say no to people
This man all i can say is God continue to use ,you are like a father i never had ,be blessed Benjamin
Watching from Uganda at 4:22a.m. What a very educative topic! Learning something.
Thank you for this.❤❤ God bless you
Thank you very much. You are referring to me. You gave me something to think about.
My God, this came at the right time, thank you Jesus🙏. I feel so sorry for my Grandpa who was a victim at his peak times & right now life is too tough for him, so sad.
Thanks so much for this priceless advise. It's sad I didn't know this early enough 😢. Now it's time to live. thrive and flourish🎉
Superb one ..kudos
This Session For Today Needs To Trend,..👏👏👏
Point, After Point, After Point.👌👌...
Awesome session with a lot of wisdom. Mr. Zulu, there are also those family you will labour hard and give everything and even go extra mile. And when you no longer have to give. No one believes you. Even when you are dying
I saved this video (watch later) 2months ago😊n today I just felt like I should watch it. Guess what 😋 that's my new resolution from now on. Thanks bro you really nailed it there. I've been giving n giving, I had to run away from people n went to another province to start my own life. God bless you guys✊🏿
Great advice have learned alot
Where had you not taught me this long ago bein in a foreign land makes them think I have alot n been giving but sai nijikute tena.thanks much
Learnt alot from this session
you have helped me for real.i have changed
wow.... thank you for this
Thankyou for saving me from some almost sticky shitty situation.
Mother Teresa Syndrome… huko niliokoka, sitarudi tena! 😅 weh! Learnt boundaries the hard way. “No” is a whole sentence.
Good for you. We learned it the hard way too.
On Point!!! Thank you
Thank you Benjamin God bless you Asante sana uncle
Am one person whose learnt that NO is actually a complete sentence. You don't have to be everything to everyone!
"I am taking that child!!!" 😅😅
Thank you Benjamin.
Making Friends is a good and important topic. Thanks Lily😊
Karibu😊
Thanks so much this message was someone like me, being nice😢
Thank so much you have helped me understand more
Some Families are toxic. So if it means you helping those homeless children so do it. Family, can be the best gift or the worst nightmare. Don't compare families. This topic is very informative and important to everyone who cares to listen. Thanks for sharing
Thank you Benjamin.Since i started following you,my life improved so much .i think i should start paying fees
Thank you 😊 just buy the books and sign up for our conferences. You'll have supported us and also invested in yourself.
Benjaminzuluglobal.com
Just as am listening.....'hi teacher nimejaribu kilajia nairobi siwezani njaa itanimalizia hapa' ... This is a guy we worked together in a home. It has been like this for years. Now i know better.
God sent Man BZ may God bless you ❤
Wow… thanks for this wisdom
Thanks mr
Timely Timely....takers never have limits indeed...
Thankyou.l noticed when l relocated to another Country that we 'kenyans' never learned boundary.
Thank you Benjamin Zulu for this insightful advise 👏 👍 🙏 🙌
As from now I'm changing ......I'm done
Thank you BZ
Thankyou very important
Thankyou Benjamin,Godbless
You not alone 😅😅 jipende aki
Woww lily as a host is just amazing for this show...so engaging and participative..I love it...am learning alot from you sir..keep going please 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💝💝💝💝🔥🔥🔥
Thank you so much ❤
This is me, i will deny myself to give to others, i will put my problems aside to listen to others..but when it comes to my time most do you dirt yet you were were there for them without expecting anything in return but atlst was good for them to be good to me. Am too patient and nice to people and since there is rare reciprocation i have ended up with resentment...juzi a frd i helped so much turned the tables on me n even insulted me coz now she has money n i dont yet l asked for nothing from her but a shoulder to lean on.
I'm a victim. CZcams suggested this for me 😂😂😂But honestly last night I went to bed thinking about how to start being selfish and save the small monies I always give out just like that.
So educative
I love this .
We learn everyday. Waah you have talked to me.
I like the conclusion. We love you Benjamin
🎉🎉🎉yes yes yes Zulu you're a star....
Thank you zulu
This is me 😢also am in the situation where by I have to provide for a parent who is capable of working but won't all in the name of she don't want to be employed
😂😂😂kutumiwa vibaya
Toxic parents
Tell her your living home soon
This is not a coincidence that I come to this channel.
I am a nice person unlearning certain belief system.
Thank you Benjamin Zulu
Zulu you are wise and you have seen it all😂💯
Very eye opening I told my friend ww should have a foundation and setaside an amount for these kind of charity
I love this
Thank you Zulu, you are so right, Joshua selman said he had taken care of so many problems untill one day he saw a pic of Jesus on the cross thats when it dawned on him that he never died for anyone Jesus did and thats when he decided he needs to ne going for vacation.i need to stop being nice too
That’s true some people invest big on their nices ; nephews and left over for their own children, what you call this act!
Why are you discussing me on TV? Who else feel he is the target? From now on I am no longer a lender but will refer😂
Mr. Zulu you so owersome
Could he be talking about me?