Exactly! I'm on my second Marriage. First Marriage became sexless after a year. Though she wouldn't say, I could see she had an abusive childhood. She would cry during it and said it hurts. She was checked by her OBGYN and the Dr. said everything was ok. It was all mentally related. My second marriage now has became sexless after our first child. She is 5 now and as she grew older, our sex life has become less and less. Last time of intimacy was the beginning of March of 2021 going on 3 months now. I myself am no longer stimulated towards her mentally or physically. To me, we are in a Roommate Marriage. I'm staying in as of now to be here for my daughter, but in the future I will go seek a Family Lawyer to pursue divorce and seek full custody. The sad thing is and what breaks my heart is when she asks why is mommy so grumpy or so mean or mad at me. And one more note to add, I see that my wife places her Mom 1st before me (Her Husband) and confronted her with this. She denies it, but my observation sees differently...
@@BLACKNIGHTKNIGHT My wife was a raging sex machine when she wanted children. After that, not so much. Regarding your mother in-law, plenty of fights because of her family over me a lot of times. That has calmed down though.
All these videos and advice to is make me more and more angry! It's about the rejection, the abandonment, the spouses seeming lack of any concern and utter refusal to understand that they are driving a huge wedge in the relationship and causing huge pain. It's been 10 yrs in our marriage, she just is not interested. I feel ruined, cheated, angry.
girlfriend? Sex outside of marriage is called fornication in the Bible, and is listed as an abomination to God.....It is possible that your "girlfriend" is listening to her gut on this one, and realizes that to have sex outside of marriage, is a huge insult to her soul, and her whole being.... Also, if you 2 don't really have it together, and have a full and deep understanding of what true Christian marriage consists of, and also whether she may be carrying past trauma, or perhaps she cannot extend herself to you, because she does not sense a complete and loving commitment to her, by you.....And why should she....no woman would...with a man who is not willing to and insisting on, giving his life to her, in marriage.... It's time to bring all in your relationship to a screeching halt, until you repent, and come into obedience to and deep understanding of God's will about all of this. You (and she) would never, ever regret having done so! May God draw you both to him, and fill your lives, your hearts, with his Love! @Elecman89
I have no friends to talk to about this and certainly no family member. Talking to God doesn' t work for me. When you bring the bible into it, it just prevents people from talking to each other about this. I mean, could you just imagine going to church on a Sunday morning and saying , ' hey, man or woman, how' s your sex life going?'
Rick, God is the author of marriage. Rick NT Christians have forsaken the truth. The TWO reasons that your in a sexless marriage is: 1. Your wife does not fear God and she is selfish and she does not submit to you. 2. You have been brainwashed that you can have only one wife. God never forbid men from taking additional wives. In fact God regulated men when they took additional wives. Rick these guys are talking BS because a REBELIOUS WOMAN will NOT HEED hence leaving still suffering. Your only solution is TAKE AN ADDITIONAL YOUNGER WIFE and NEVER DIVORCE any of your wives.
Whats really bad is when your spouse acts like they hate sex or arent interested then you find out theyve had an affair several years. There's tons of crap going on out there, you really cant trust anyone 100%
This is the number one reason men AND women will lie about libido. If they're not getting it from you, they're with someone else. Christianity or not it doesn't matter. Everyone needs sex and they get it whether they admit it or not.
It happens all the time. Wife loses interest in sex with her husband but her sex drive isn't gone, it is just switched off for her husband. She will cheat outside because she still wants sex.
KB Gan yes ! Because she’s going to Chad or Tyrone but we don’t talk about that here in the Buckle of the Bible Belt . We basically just regurgitate the same Feminist Right drivel as Pastor Todd
@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures Disagree. Whereas you should assume that everyone wants sex (cause it's nearly always the case), some people sincerely don't have much/any desire for it. However, if they've married you and comfortably done it before, I'd definitely see it as a red flag.
If a wife is not providing the sex that her husband wants she has no right to complain if he finds another woman who will provide it. If she doesn't take her vows & duties seriously then she can hardly expect her husband to.
It's not a duty of a wife to provide sex for him. Maybe she has another person. He needs a new friendship. People deserve love and attention. If not at home, then somewhere else.
No, marriage is about understanding. We can't run out whenever things get hard, it defeats the purpose of marriage. It's till death do us part in sickness and health.
@@Masowe.WHERE ARE YOU FROM??!! DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??!! THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH "UNDERSTANDING" THAT A MAN CAN HAVE, WHENEVER HIS "WIFE" SPENDS MORE TIME ON CZcams QUILTING CHANNELS, THAN WITH HER OWN HUSBAND!! I'M SICILIAN, AND HAVE A SICILIAN TEMPER. I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH NEGLECT IN FAVOR OF SPENDING UNGODLY DAMNABLE AMOUNTS OF TIME ON BS CZcams QUILTING CHANNELS. I CAN'T COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HAD TO GO IUT THE DOOR, TO AVOID GOING FULL USMC AFTER DEALING WITH BEING NEGLECTED, AND BASICALLY ABUSED!! I AM NEITHER EUNUCH, PRIEST, NOR SHAOLIN MONK. I'M GLAD THAT I HAVE A JEWISH, THROATCUTTING LAWYER, AND WILL BE ALERTING HIM TO PREPARE FOR LEGAL COMBAT OPS. OOOORAH!
It's not always the woman. In my case it's the other way around. I don't what to do. I'm aware of what the Bible says .... either way I'm still being deprived. 😢😢😢
INSPIRE she doesn’t care until you walk out. She convinces you to come back and goes back to ignoring your needs until you cheat. You walk out. She follows you to another state baby traps you. Ignores your needs after babies after a new commitment to a one another. Then ignores your needs once more calling you needy and weak. Then you cheat again but now but now she blames you says you need to much attention. Has the moral high ground.
Guys: 1 Hit the gym. Lift weights. 4 x per week at least. 2. Stop eating. Start prolonged fasting, 48 hours to 72 hours 3. Hygiene. Two showers per day. Hair cut. Grooming, 4. New wardrobe 5. Make more money. 6. Stop apologizing. Stop talking and stfu. Stop being so available. Get busy with hobbies. Spend more time with the fellas. 7. Improve your skill sets, education, certifications, seek out better paying work and or side business. You will immediately stand out from 90% of the men out there. Girls: 1. Stop eating. Lose weight. Start Prolonged fasting 48 hours to 72 hours or longer until lean. 2. Hit the gym. Yoga, lift weights, cardio 4 x per week. Get lean. 3. Grow your hair long. 4. Stop being angry and bitter. Get your face out of your damn cell phone. Be polite, pleasant and affable. 5. Be as feminine as freaking possible. You will immediately stand out from 95% of American women out there, who all want to compete with men. Notice women do not have to make more money, increase social status or education.
bravoman I do understand. It is profoundly sad when the people we love and devote our entire lives and our sexual monogamy to, don’t take those commitments and sacrifices seriously, nor with any sense of genuine appreciation or accountability. It’s also sad when these same people lack any level of commensurate sexual desire for us. You are left feeling cheated, because in truth they did cheat you. Being a husband is full of legal, financial and emotional control, responsibility and accountability against what is effectively zero authority. Divorce laws prove this. Being a wife has way more legal and financial authority and almost zero commensurate responsibility and accountability that couldn’t otherwise be taken care of by a nanny or a surrogate or a whore. But accountability and responsibility are essentially kryptonite for women. They resent it. They will view the mere suggestion of duty sex as a wife as oppression, not to mention contrived, obligatory compliance - something unnatural. But appreciating you and how you love her, can be difficult for some women because they just cannot relate to the sacrifices, endeavor and efforts men go through to qualify and provide for her reality. If you told her any of it, she would be confused by it or believe you are complaining, or making sex a conditional transaction. But sex within in marriage is conditional and transactional. Resources, protection, comfort, security, parental investment from you in exchange for feminine companionship and sex from her. Sex is a ritual and contrived in this sense. It’s at risk of becoming boring, a nuisance and unnecessary. People hate it when anyone points this out, with “what about love and Jesus and Allah?” Well, God made men this way! This is why looking for sex as a reward or as a form of appreciation from any woman - girlfriend, fiancé or wife is folly and backassward. Women have sex because they “feel like it” or they really want to (horny). They seldom have sex because “oh, it’s been a while, and I bet your balls are really blue and full, and yeah that cashier at IKEA on Sunday with the nice ass was flirty with you. Sorry to keep you waiting!” No. It’s always all about her. Men must view sex through the lens of natural, genuine sexual desire - your desire is paramount, But genuine sexual desire from her is extremely important. Huge difference between begrudging, tired, half-assed, starfish duty sex and handjobs compared to urgent genuine feminine sexual desire and coitus in a AMC movie theater or in the car on the way home. No comparison. This is not a slam on women at all. Unless she takes roids, she will never experience her own gonads pumping out 20x the amount of testosterone bathing their veins and brains 24/7 no breaks like we do and wanting to fuck everything that moves. If they did, then we would all starve, and humans would have died out millennia ago. It’s more challenging for older, overweight, unhealthy and frumpy women. The sexual desire and urgency to mate deteriorates or is gone, and sex can even be an unpleasant and painful experience. Not always, but it’s not uncommon. If both people are healthy - good fitness and cardiovascular health, then active sex life into old age is possible. I wish I had better advice on this. Do what you feel is right for yourself. I understand about sexual fidelity and being true to God’s promise in the hereafter. But I would eliminate the idea in your head altogether that she or anyone else appreciates what you are doing, or your sexual sacrifice. They just can’t. And they just won’t. Not ever. You have one earthly life to live. She cannot make you happy. You have to do assure that for yourself. She can compliment your life. But you have already made her the focus of yours. She knows what you want, but she will not give it to you. If her mouth still works, and if she loves you, then I don’t get why she would withhold sexual pleasure from you. I don’t believe that having “the talk” about sexlessness in marriage is productive at all. But you can try it. I’ve known two men far older than me simply leave their wives instead of confront them about it. And another guy I know told his wife of 20 years “either you start fucking me or fuck you”. And as with any ultimatum, that was negotiating from position of weakness, and she divorce raped him. It’s better to smile, look down at your crotch, say “no hard feelings”, and then just leave. Then go get laid. Most women understand how important sex is for the men in their lives, but they still cannot bring themselves to do it. Some would rather feed you steak and ice cream than serve your sexual needs. I’ve witnessed this same issue with my uncles, and neighbors as well. It’s difficult. I would close by just saying sexual attention and sexual intercourse is optional from her perspective. But non-sexual attention and verbal intercourse from you is also optional. Prioritize yourself. No one else in this world will.
@bravoman You answered your own question when you said you made a promise to her and to God apparently that you agree to comprise your own sexual happiness and fulfillment and defer entirely to her needs at the full expense of yours. And your woman knows this, so much so that she doesn’t care anymore about her health, her beauty or pleasing you sexually and physically. This is very common behavior among western women. I think you are an idiot to stay in that arrangement for the rest of your life. You believe people will honor you and hold you in high esteem for your sacrifice. They definitely do not. They don’t care. But I am not you. I think you have made your choice already and justified it, but also want to bitch and moan for sympathy. I don’t know what to tell you. Yeah, it’s too bad. You have one life to live. She has one job, and she can’t or won’t even do it. You are ok with her sexual abandonment of you. And you are not going to do anything about it. I am sorry. But you are already doing nothing about this.
Didn’t really answer the question. All he gave was reasons why it happens. It’s been 3 years and we have no intimacy. We live like roommates. She flat out says no she could go on the rest of her life with no sex. I have reached my breaking point. I am not old, I am not going to live inna sexless marriage forever, she has abandoned me emotionally.
Exactly!! All these videos and advice to is make me more and more angry! It's about the rejection, the abandonment, the spouses seeming lack of any concern and utter refusal to understand that they are driving a huge wedge in the relationship and causing huge pain. It's been 10 yrs in our marriage, she just is not interested.
@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures That is honestly what I have been thinking of doing too. Like Saved's original post, my wife has stated the same. And there is always some excuse. Yet, I know that she has had one affair 4 years ago because I confronted her on some messages and she admitted to it. She literally had sex with the guy the morning after turning me down for sex. And I know that she made out with some other guy about a year ago. But I really don't believe she just made out with him. The only reason I haven't left already is because I have 2 younger children by her, and I don't want to be relegated to a part-time father while some other jerk raises my kids. I am awaiting either her to screw up again & I have the proof (State of Tennessee will award the children to the injured spouse in divorce if that divorce is caused by infidelity), or my children to reach the age of choice. I don't know if I can manage it for that long. And I am seriously contemplating divorce. Either way, I can't handle being in this situation much longer. And honestly, I am at the point where I don't even want to have sex with her anymore. It's not the same as before her affairs.
@@jamiehoekstra11677 if she already admitted to affairs then you have all the evidence you need to get your children. Also file for full custody alimony and child support and whatever you can get. Make her pay for her behavior
Please answer this question. If your spouse has a very low libido, you can't make them want sex and you can't somehow get them to like it by arguing about it. No one ever answers the question, "How does one cope with being married to a spouse who is asexual?" Are there no tips for learning to live with and love a spouse, but ignore the physical? It is very difficult!
I’m going through the same thing… it’s all of a sudden since she started the birth control and it’s just me sitting here all sad that I’m going to have to break up with her…
I hate when men pastors don’t stand up to truth in this situation. It’s rarely health related. It’s mostly women and they do it for spite but pastors always make excuses for them.
I believe sex is a wonderful duty. Women should not deny their husbands and the husbands should not deny the wives. As long the couple is realistic on the number of times they can have sex within a week. Maybe sex once a week or once every other week. It all depends on the amount of time the couple can agree upon.
Great job! Your positions are well thought out and biblical. I would caution you though on the wording that was said in the beginning “I don’t want you to make that mistake.” Some might take that in the wrong way and return to hiding from the shame of being damaged goods. A person that runs from a person that suffers from the affects of trauma is not living out Jesus’s teachings. (Mark 2:13-17, etc...). Unconditional love would state that both love each other enough to deal with it. The trauma suffer would deal with and heal from the trauma to be healthy for their spouse. The future spouse would be a support pillar for the trauma sufferer as they go through this transformation process from a possesser of trauma to a possesser of a treasure. It is so important to not affirm the devils point that if you are damaged goods then you are not worthy of Gods love! It takes so much for a abuse sufferer to admit that you are a victim and share that it would be tragic if they are sent back into living hell by being shamed by the one they love. I believe we expose it to dispose it and we should help people dispose of the pain of trauma by helping them expose it. No if the person suffering from the abuse or trauma refuses to deal with it than that’s a different story all together. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it!
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The answer is simple but it is not easy to do sometimes. If you are in a sexless marriage with somebody who has the ability to have sex but flat out refuses to. Then you should leave. Leaving is not easy. You may not be in a financial position to leave. You may be worrying about what people will think, etc. If you stay you will suffer and suffer. Plan to leave, work towards it. Then leave.
Not sure if you're still reading these comments but I found this to be very very helpful, I think even though one of us wants intimacy and the other doesn't that you can put the two together and come under 1st Corinthians 7 like you said, that was really good thank you
I have been in a relationship for 34 years and sexless for the past 19 years. My hubby is just not interested whatsoever. I miss all forms of intimacy in this relationship. I feel rejected, unattractive, angry, cheated and lonely. There is no touch, kiss, hug, hand holding etc.
i understand no sex but no sensual touches or kisses or hand holding or romantic gestures that is something else i wish you the best i feel for you sis
@Allyson Azulay, I feel so bad for you. I've heard there are men who aren't into sex, but I've never met any. Hopefully you can find one of these guys whose wives aren't into sex and both your lives will be better.
I love the humility in which this topic is dealt with, in which you assume the position that the husband is more likely to fall into temptation here. Women have affairs too though when they are no longer in love with their husbands. I think when we marry, it should really be about the person, not physical needs, to begin with, as we all get older. If you're not in love with each other's minds, then you're only in love with sex itself, and not the intimacy with that person. Then they, not feeling loved, will feel used and not wanting what you're giving them. That is the danger.
bravoman Well you may never find what you want. You might as well try and love her. Look for all the good qualities about her and focus on those. If u are just focus on looks, something is wrong with you. U may need to seek some kind of therapy.
We were all about sex before we got married. We didn’t have kids and two years in... we might have sex once every two months. And I’ve tried talking to him about it. He makes excuses. Usually trying to blame it on me being tired... yet he never tries. He’s just not interested in me. I’m so tired of it.
A marriage is a contract between a couple to have sex exclusively with each other. Can one person refuse to have sex and expect the other person to remain monogamous? This woman is selfish, there are no two ways about it. Her husband certainly did not agree to a sexless marriage; he was railroaded into it. The real reason is that she has fallen out of love with her husband. She has rejected him emotionally and the rejection has become physical. A sexless marriage is a loveless marriage. You cannot have emotional intimacy with a person and reject physical intimacy with that person. It is impossible. Mind and body are two sides of the same coin. This woman is lying when she said that their relationship is fine minus the sex. There is nothing left in their relationship. They are just room mates living together.
If your partner simply no longer has interest in being intimate or is physically incapable of having sex, then they should step up and address the issue. If I was incapable or completely disinterested in sex and my wife wanted it to be a part of our relationship, I would sit her down and tell her that she needs to seek it elsewhere. Now I am talking if sex is the only issue, if your marriage is not going well and sex is one of many issues, then divorce may be your best route. I am saying that if all else is good but one person doesn't want sex any longer, that person should be given the freedom to satisfy that need elsewhere.
My husband straight after our marriage choose to continue with His porno things.Afcourse I had no idea that He was a slave to this. As a result I was being begging him a sex once a month.After a year of marriage I stopped to ask and now for fifteen years I was in sex less marriage.
Kasandra Aldine 15 year.... your just stupid. That’s not even logical. You were literally married to a man of pride and now you wasted all of those years when you could have been getting destroyed by a man who loves you
@@abigailjohnson568 Usually men watch porn because their wives reject them sexually & refuse to give them sex. It's still f*cked up but many wives cause it.
@@m.g.6394 Tell your wife that you are lonely and she will cause you to commit adultery if she does not allow you have sex once a week or at least once every two weeks with her. Maybe once a month would be good for u, I don’t know. Tell her you are willing to compromise so you can have a healthy marriage that truly represents Christ. See what she has to say. Compromise meaning to help her with things she needs help with. Let me know how that works out.
Premarital counselling was a waste of time IMO. It's a bunch of 80 year old priests talking about something they've not experienced and too embarrassed and/or unwilling to talk to both people about the physical side of marriage, speaking in euphemism if at all (with the assumption being the man and only the man is the one that needs to be understanding and accommodating). I doubt anyone would knowingly go into a lifetime commitment of neglect so the person who isn't interested in being a full partner should take steps to not get into a relationship where they will deprive the person they supposedly "love" of something so essential. I've lived it for 26 years and it destroys you emotionally, mentally and at the end of the day, physically as well, leaving you numb and distant - cold to to the other person because that's all you have left to minimize the pain that is an every day constant. 26 years.
I don't know how many times I've heard this reference from the Bible about not depriving each other. What do you do when your spouse isn't compelled by that to make more of an effort?
@bravoman isn't it strange how married people can't talk and find ways to make life fun and enjoyable for your each other. How is the person with no charity for their spouse going to heaven? Why do you owe her your paycheck but she owes you nothing? Get some counseling, talk to your pastor, get a backbone and have a very clear discussion with her on your needs. Give her plenty of chances, then move on to someone who wants to be with you and not just to take your money.
@bravoman I thought she was telling you no everytime you asked. Dude, you may be hurting her feelings your expectations. This is your girl, you're committed, go enjoy your time with her. Sure there is better looking women out there but sounds like you made your decision go enjoy it. What I was trying to say is, don't live your whole life miserably because you're afraid to make a change. Really, best wishes, I want you to be happy.
@bravoman Wow, at least you're completely honest about what you're feeling and thinking. I wonder about similar things. As I age, I'm finally making great money. I'm kinder and more sensitive to what women like and want. But then some 20 year old that can't even hold a job and just plays video games is getting with all these beautiful women. I have friends that married beautiful women, who go to the gym and still look and act great. I have other friends who's wives have put on a 100 pounds and treat them poorly. Why was one guy blessed and the other really not. I have no idea. Life is about learning and trying to improve, trying to become like God. I wonder if your into porn. That can give you unrealistic beliefs about how women should be. Hell, most movies can give you unrealistic beliefs about women. I want you to be happy. You need to find a way to stop fantasizing about other women and start fantasizing about your wife. Understand, I'm working at it too. I'm not blind. Just life needs to be enjoyed.
I'd also add that pre marital counselling is wise, but unlikely to expose past trauma or it's future impact on marriage. Those who work in trauma understand more about this. It's incredibly complex. We've been seeing therapists for almost 20 years, and the trauma piece didn't really show itself for many years.
I need help!!!! I’ve been married for 3 months now! And I’ve been a virgin since I got married... but we haven’t had sex (intercourse yet) and it’s been bothering me big time! Please tell me what I can do!!! I’m contacting a marriage counsel first week of August! But still I feel so alone!!! Oral sex is what we do sometimes... very little. But nothing extra!
Blessed and Thankful it sounds like you have married a little bitch. That was a big mistake your going to have so many problems in your life/marriage. Being in a sexless marriage is a choice. Think about it
Stuck In NY you need to ask questions about how he feels sexually. Ask him does he think of ir anymore, craves it, where is his head at. Can he still get erect? Did he gain weight? Does he show you affection at all? Is home? Out all night? Ignores you, doesn't make eye contact when you talk? Etc...ask yourself those questions and ask him some too! A man doesnt stop pleasing his wife for no reason. There needs to a serious conversation. My husband and I have had an inconsistent sexual relationship for the past 10 years and im 32!😩 but the root problem is finances. Everytime we hit rock bottom SO does his sex drive and I suffer in silence because when I'm stressed what I want most is love, reassurance and intimacy but he cant be there because he is mentally stressed and focus on money.
The both of you have to understand that even sex is a mutual action the same as marrige house purchase decorating purchases its more that just pleasure its a way to see each other in a way no one else can see as well as a way to feel closer and even feel more attractive and the reasom thats an issue is because most spoces dont really imaging each other in switched role and thats why they dont really understand how alone you feel in that moment where your just layin bed and overthink Do you still love me in that way i love u? Is there something wrong? Did i do something wrong? Sometimes its just a matter of talking thing through and opening up to each other instead of allowing that sexually frustration to turn to resentment and useless arguing and something its a matter of just doing it and reminding yourself or your partner how enjoyable sex can be in that intimacy level
My wife gave up OUR sexlife a decade ago. Because of a medical condition I could not have an erection at all. I got treated and now I can, but she got used to not having ANY sex not even pleasuring herself. So now I could do it 3 times a day but SHE has decided not to have any sexlife and I choose not to have sex outside of our “marriage”. We are friends. That’s about it. It’s the one part of my life that I hate and has driven me to depression. Honestly I haven’t been hugged or touched in a decade. I have withdrawn from the World. No friends. But, it’s been partially my choice too so I can’t blame anyone for it. It’s difficult being 55 and knowing that for the rest of my life I won’t have anyone or anything. What woman would ever want to be with a “man” that can’t satisfy her sexually ? That part of me died. I will have to take these drugs help my body and brain regulate. Testosterone is a drug I have to take everyday. Without it my body will get weak. Brittle bones, teeth. I wish things were better. When I couldn’t have sex I told my wife to have sex to satisfy her with other people, like an open relationship but she said she could never do that. Now she is Asexual. She always says to me that she wants a more intimate relationship with me, yet she says she is not interested in Sex at all. To me that is a CONFUSING statement. I’ve been married for 20 years and our marriage is dead 💀 and it’s a complicated living arrangement.
I have begged God for help in this. It has been 2015/2016 since we have been intimate. I have really considered giving up and leaving life. My kids are really the only ones that I am trying not to give into those thoughts.
The advice is sound, but he doesn't really define what a 'season' is. A week? Month? Year? 5-10 years? More? I'd be willing to bet that if you're watching this, you're in the upper range of this... I'd also suggest that those watching this are not the ones who need to see it. Sorry to be so hopeless, but for so many, this topic is brought up and rejected. Often harshly by their loved ones. I am getting to the point that nothing short of separation will bring my wife to see how much pain this has brought on my life. Even then, she may simply see it as an ultimatum/pressure. I am not minimizing her pain (she has had horrific trauma in her life), but unless the unwilling/unable spouse is open, honest, and is willing to join the cause 100%, there is no hope. That is where so many of us are these days.
So my husband is divorcing me now and it has come to light he has been adulterating our marriage with an old school friend of his for the past 15 years and is now with her yet we are not even divorced yet. He has refused to go for councilling and I had issues with intimacy - however it has come to light now that he has actually been emotionally adulterating our marriage for most of our marriage - I have hope for our marriage; I have been asking him for years to go for councilling with me; is it possible that my lack of intimacy is a direct link to his infidelity of our marriage
@@kevinwilkes1653 mine blows up and fights and lectures me for hours if I bring it up or try expressing myself. I wonder if that's just us or if its common I'm these situations
@@mandyzepeda5447 they have broken their vows to you and it is mental abuse to be in a sexless marriage. Unless it is due to medication or disability get out. If it is because of past sexual abuse then they need to be willing to be brave and do everything they can to seek therapy immediately. If not get out and divorce. They have broken cows to you and the covenant between you and husband and the Lord.
At what point do you give up? I've never felt more rejected in my life. I have never had self esteem problems like I feel I do now. I've had other partners and never had these issues. I've tried to get him to marriage counseling numerous times. The counselors continually told him to draw a circle around himself and change the person in the circle. I thought things were picking up for a few weeks when we started marriage counseling again but he told me I hadn't changed enough to warrant him going back to counseling. I've told him to leave numerous times but he refuses. I know God hates divorce but when do you finally just let go?
Its been nearly four years. How long is my season of baring my cross? I have no desire to be a unic for Christ or anyone else. At what point is it ok to make the statement that I'd do ANYTHING for you why don't you feel the same?
never say that. you cannot negotiate her sexual desire. do not go to some christian marriage counselor thats gonna try and tell her its her duty or some bullshit bc thats then seen as an obligation which is antiseductive. do dates, have fun, make moves on her just like you did in the beginning.
@bravoman you accept it or leave her. Fact is you can leave but if you dont want to bc of the bible then I cant help you, unfortunately. That's your problem
Figure out if it's physical or psychological and seek help. If it's simply lack of interest, you don't have a husband/wife, you have a roommate. You'll have to decide if you deserve happiness or not.
@@francorotiroti230 A change tends to be natural in the senior years...That being said, there are old people having sex. Ask around about what goes on in nursing homes. If you dare. Really wish I was joking.
Medically it's 4or6 months if I recall. I'm actually surprised my wife and I had a child. She was off birth control for 3 years before she got pregnant. She also only agreed to sex about 2 times a year during our 19 years of marriage.
Praise the lord!I'm 23 female.i got married last year.we have completed 1 year of our marriage.we had no sex from the first day.im totally in sexless marriage I don't understand what to do.my parents told me to leave my husband but I always think that it is against God's will please help me what should do??? Shoud I leave him or stay in this marriage?? Please help me with your comments
You don’t have to divorce but you can separate from him and get some counseling while you are separated. He needs to see this matter as very serious and make some changes. Tell him to seek counseling as well while you are separated. Try a sex therapist who can counsel you both together. Hopefully the separation will make him realize this situation is serious and he will work towards having a healthy marriage. If things do not change in this marriage, you will start having a negative inner self talk. It will lead to depression and anxiety. Don’t ignore this problem, address it now. If u don’t, you will spend the next 20 years in a sexless unhappy marriage.
I realize this response is quite late, but I just saw this. I hope things for you in your marriage is much better. If not I would reccomend researching 'Intimacy Anorexia' Dr. Doug Wiess has a lot of information and videos on the subject. There is also something called 'Married and Alone'. I hope this is helpful.
You know these are elementary in the faith or at least they should be. But much like divorce rates inside the church mimicking that of the world people of faith often only let God Lord over them in certain areas of their lives. It's never a full surrender. And let's be honest about the partner most guilty of this...the wife. Even if a man is no longer attracted to his wife it takes very little for him to be aroused baring some major health issue or medication. From experience I can say women are perfectly happy never offering their bodies to their husbands unless the husband begs enough at which time she will consent for no other reason than to shut him up for a few months. True deliverance from this struggle is when you create within yourself as a husband a lack of dependency on your wife for sex. It's the only way to not be in bondage within your marriage.
Good teaching but my wife and I have had a sexless marraige for over 20 years. Wife refuses outright even to kiss and cuddle. She has always had anger issues but has got better over the years. i only stay with her because I made a promis to be faithful and to stay with her when we got married.
My wife had her ovaries removed and sex became very painful for her, she has lost all desire after the surgery and not interested in any form of sex. Before the surgery we used to have sex regurlarly and she enjoyed it very much, it has now been over 5 years and I am in my early sixties and she is in her late 50's. At this stage of my life finding another sex partner is not easy, unless you go out and pay for it. No easy answers out there, but if I do encounter another woman and she wants to get together, I will not say no.
Can we start dealing with narcism as the spirit or selfishness, lying and brokenness as it is please? Psychology can’t cure this but the love and knowledge of Christ can. It’s a familiar spirit that attached to these people after an early trauma. It ruins lives and families for kicks and the victim needs to be delivered of it.
I left after 16 years. He just refused. I said those words to him. I have such anger and pain I wish I could explain how hurt I am.. I am divorced and I feel like I will never be happy. By the way this identity is not mine, I’m a woman.
This guy clearly has very little experience with the subject. 99% seeking help for sexless marriages are those who want more sex. It's rare that the one withholding sex seeks help, unless under pressure from the higher libido spouse. Withholding sex without consent is infidelity (Sexual Immorality), and infidelity is not a cross to bear. Most spouses withholding sex are happy with the status quo and refuse to make any changes to the relationship. According to Matthew 19:9, Divorce is a biblical option for those stuck in a sexless marriage.
@@sylviaredmond8386 what about wife runied Husband life by refused for sex ??? And make his husband Unsatisfied or unhappy . Wife runied his husband life by saying No for sex . Your thinking is Husband live whole life Being Unsatisfied or unhappy after marriage like a bead body and not Dirvoce their wife this is your Fucking wrong thinking no one can live unsatisfied or unhappy after marriage . If wife says No for sex then Husbands have right to Dirvoce and go outside for sex .
PitbullAwsome I know what he would probably say because I used to go to their church. If you are being physically abused, get out and get somewhere safe. Then get some help. Get into therapy preferably a Christian therapist. (Look in the description section) You have to heal yourself with God. See if your spouse will go to therapy as well. If he/she won’t, keep working on yourself. Get around good people, find a healthy church to give you good biblical insight. Don’t file for divorce instantly. Do everything you can on your end but do not go back to this person and keep enduring the pain until he/she has gotten real help. God hates divorce but He is not against separation. Most importantly, when you pray, pray for your spouse. Sounds weird, but God can do anything. I’ve seen it happen. Your spouse needs prayer.
Stephanie Bogart It doesn t sound weird at all.I know God can do anything.Thank you so much for your answer.These are some very helpful advises you gave.God bless you!!!!
PitbullAwsome I agree totally with their advice. God values human life. At the same time he recognizes that we love that person, even past the bad stuff. Also, when there are children involved, their welfare must come first and separation is a must. In my country, I was told that since I had already separated once and gone to a refuge, then forgiven him and gone back, then it happened again, unless I filed for divorce to prove I would not go back, Social Services would take our children into Care. Sometimes, there is no alternative. But there should be no reason to involve another person as it becomes adultery and only worsens the whole situation for everyone involved. I know what it's like to still love a man with anger issues. It's like marrying the kind hearted David Banner and occasionally the Hulk appears. Prayer is essential. My husband would not accept me praying for him as he believed the man should be in charge of that. And he believed in a very harsh and wrathful God rather than a God that heals.
Pink Fuschia I am so sorry you went through all of this.I know it s very difficult to take a reasonable decision when your physical and mental health is in jeopardy.I believe that only God can help someone through this in a more safe for everyone manner. Especially for the children sake.And as you said....prayer is essential.It s awful when someone fear God isn t it???? It s like they worship a totally different God than the one in the Bible. I hope you are all doing better now!!! God bless you!!!!
PitbullAwsome Mentally I was strong and prayed all the time and I know that was God looking after our family and me. Physically I was much weaker and pregnant. You can pray for yourself, your spouse and the children, but one thing you can never do is get inside their relationship with God. They have to accept prayer from others, accept that God wants to heal and is only waiting for them. I was very legalistic (biblically) back then and really believed under no circumstance would I ever divorce. I told my solicitor that, but was told I now had no choice but to lose the children to Care unless I started the process at this stage. I was torn, but had to now choose between breaking my principles so as to keep the children, or have them taken away including the one I was carrying. That is the position we are put in today. Not everything is cut and dried. Jesus broke the rules when he let the disciples pick and eat on the Sabbath. He also mentioned David and his men eating sacred bread which was forbidden in order to survive. Jesus also healed on the Sabbath. Luke 6:1-11. Sadly, there are times when the rules cannot be adhered to and we just have to pray for strength and Holy Spirit to keep us safe and guide us.
What is the alternative to a sexless marriage? If one has been in a marriage for 50 years with most of it affection less what do you do to keep coping? Die?
Wife has been stone walling me for a DECADE ! Says she is a Christian. Will not get help... I have asked her to go see a doctor. NOPE. Then tells me our Relationship has no intimacy. smh. It's like she is 2 different people. She is just selfish as hell. I say lets spend time together doing something... Honestly, anything we do she says she's not interested. I have pulled out the stops.. She wants me to do what SHE is interested in only. I have done that... Then we do something I like or that we can enjoy together. She's not interested. How can a Woman refuse sex for a decade... Ten Years !!! and then tell me "if you go outside the marriage, then that's cheating".. That's just not right. She says nightly.. come to bed with me... I come to bed.. and then EXCUSES... I'm too tired, etc etc. I quit coming to bed. It's just a waste of my time.
@@ges3061 same. Zero sex. I’ve moved on from pouting about it. She has other attributes that are a positive. She is a great caring Mom and other things. Life is a crapshoot. I can’t change HER. Only she can do that. I’m too old to be looking for other options. It is what it is. I do miss the touch of a woman. I miss the warmth of intimacy. Some things are not fixable. I’ve made my peace with it. Thanks for asking. :)
Johann Schultz I was married for 22 years and believed in till death do us part, but she left so thankfully maybe I’ll find somebody that likes sex or loves me, but you say what were all thinking, just get rid of her, lol. The ironic thing is she’s having sex because she married somebody else, and I’m not and she’s the one that didn’t care about it, and I do, and since I’m a Christian, I can’t,so I have to wait till I get married again.
@@scottcollins9446 i dont even think it says anywhere specifically in the bible not to have sex outside of marriage. it just says do not commit adultery. also dont take the bible so literally and as the end all be all. they also had concubines in the bible and kings with tons of wives so the king could always get off. male sexual strategy is unlimited access to unlimited sexuality.
@@scottcollins9446 you gotta wake up to reality and female nature and intersexual dynamics. till death due us part means nothing to women. the love and affection they show you only applies in that moment and is always subject to change based on how well you are showing up as a strong masculine alpha male and strong provider for her offspring. it is a lifelong battle with women to keep them sexually interested and in love. its not just ok she married me and agreed to love me forever im good to go. nope its all about how they feel for you in the present moment, their love is conditional. 20 years of marriage and her promises and commitments, dont mean shit. thats just female nature theyre slaves to their emotions. you could even have a recording of her saying her vows and tell her she agreed to love you and support you till death due us part...and she would just say...yeah i know but i dont feel that way anymore.
Alice Attaa There is NO place in Bible which suggest as to put on ring.As for what I did learn,originally all these "rings things" came from the pagans and the ring was meant to represent "sun god".
The trauma is the shame and guilt the churches produces when this has been beat into their heads since they were young . looking no further then the purity culture or Augustine was one of a long line of theologians to promote the idea of sexual desire as a sin. Other Christian leaders have argued that being too passionately in love with a partner, or having sex just for pleasure, was also a sin!
Problem is so many cute young ladies 19 and 20 marry old men 30 plus. The man beat them to old age then later the sex fades . It happens. Its best to marry close to your age. I feel sorry for men. Wish I could stop lot from marrying. You fall in this prison and it gets so hard to ever escape. Im single. I used to think marriage was goals but many are miserable.its an epidemic
I'm of the opinion that we as humans live out this life like a TOXIC, SADISTIC PARODY. If you make the attempt & look around you will see that each & EVERYONE of us has some sick challenge put infront of us. DEATH, DEBT, HEALTH, LOVE (or lack of), LONELINESS, POVERTY, LOSS, STRESS & the list goes on. I personally know of people challenged in this life by ALMOST all the above & still pull them selves out of bed. However, in many ways a sexless marriage is better then AIDS, A genetic cancer line, death of a child, sibling etc. The thing is, I'm a catholic born & brought up in INDIA. a nation of 1.2 billion people, you can't imagine the diversity of this nation. You see it all. That being said, as a man, I wouldn't blame the woman, I would blame the situation that leads all concerned parties to the door of a sexless marriage. But it's just one of those cards you gotta play. One solution is OUTSOURCING. we indians know alot about this. Trust me.
There is definitely an underlying problem in the relationship. Usually starts with arguments, when either spouse is feeling angry then forget it, it starts with rejection, then the rejected party will be afraid/angered to ask again. Then the cycle goes on. It could also happen post having children, because the children need more attention. This is a normal process and that's why males that have children have less testosterone, because it's evolutionary. Most of the effort will be in taking care of the children. The simplest solution is to accept it and interact with the children more and your body will adjust the hormones accordingly.
There must be something wrong with people's desire for their spouse. It seems like a natural part of life that one spouse loses their attraction to the other. Because it sounds so common. I'm willing to be that medical reasons and such are the exceptions to prove the rule, because every one of these videos wants to rule them out. As for trauma, why was she hot and horny for you before the marriage? My wife won't even talk to me anymore about trying to overcome our sexless marriage. So I'm done with it, too. I'm out. She professes her undying love for me, but won't so much as kiss me or hug me. Is she lying?
Problem my wife hasn't wanted it for 15years, But I still love her. In a 0 sex marriage., Must be a 15year plus season. No physical reason that I know of, except my wife dosn't want it.
Age 20 = I lost my virginity. Age 21 = my girlfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. (she enjoyed the free rent) Age 22 = No sex for 3 years,; she had zero interest in Sex. I never forced the issue. Age 24 = We split up. Age 24 = I went straight into another sex-free/ sexless relationship. Age 25 = Free & single i enjoyed sowing my wild oats.... Age 30-37 = Engaged twice - they cheated = The End Age 43 = I have been (celibate) Monk Mode for over 4 years I will never date a woman again. Waste of time, waste of energy and she will steal your money/property when she leaves ur home. MY uncle (Mad Jack) used to say : ''You become a real man the day you don't need a woman anymore. Sounds ironical and probably counter-intuitive, but that's the truth...''
I didn't realize this was going to be a religious thing when I clicked on it. After watching this video, it definitely sounds like a frustrating way to increase your estrogen levels. No thanks.
This is what men need to learn . Men are made ,women are born. It is always better to have a young submissive wife with at least seven years age difference
Marriage can be a lonely place. I've had no touch, no hug, no kiss, no affection for a long time now. We live in a broken world. We can't put our hope of fulfillment in a human relationship. Cast all your cares upon Jesus, the One who will never forsake you.
kinda unfair if you ask me. I'm pretty sure a lot of people wouldn't have gotten married had they known their marriage was going to be sexless.
Amen
Exactly! I'm on my second Marriage. First Marriage became sexless after a year. Though she wouldn't say, I could see she had an abusive childhood. She would cry during it and said it hurts. She was checked by her OBGYN and the Dr. said everything was ok. It was all mentally related. My second marriage now has became sexless after our first child. She is 5 now and as she grew older, our sex life has become less and less. Last time of intimacy was the beginning of March of 2021 going on 3 months now. I myself am no longer stimulated towards her mentally or physically. To me, we are in a Roommate Marriage. I'm staying in as of now to be here for my daughter, but in the future I will go seek a Family Lawyer to pursue divorce and seek full custody. The sad thing is and what breaks my heart is when she asks why is mommy so grumpy or so mean or mad at me. And one more note to add, I see that my wife places her Mom 1st before me (Her Husband) and confronted her with this. She denies it, but my observation sees differently...
@@BLACKNIGHTKNIGHT My wife was a raging sex machine when she wanted children. After that, not so much. Regarding your mother in-law, plenty of fights because of her family over me a lot of times. That has calmed down though.
Bingo
All these videos and advice to is make me more and more angry! It's about the rejection, the abandonment, the spouses seeming lack of any concern and utter refusal to understand that they are driving a huge wedge in the relationship and causing huge pain. It's been 10 yrs in our marriage, she just is not interested. I feel ruined, cheated, angry.
@@alextimson9745 This all assumes that both parties want to fix, give a toss about the situation.
girlfriend? Sex outside of marriage is called fornication in the Bible, and is listed as an abomination to God.....It is possible that your "girlfriend" is listening to her gut on this one, and realizes that to have sex outside of marriage, is a huge insult to her soul, and her whole being.... Also, if you 2 don't really have it together, and have a full and deep understanding of what true Christian marriage consists of, and also whether she may be carrying past trauma, or perhaps she cannot extend herself to you, because she does not sense a complete and loving commitment to her, by you.....And why should she....no woman would...with a man who is not willing to and insisting on, giving his life to her, in marriage.... It's time to bring all in your relationship to a screeching halt, until you repent, and come into obedience to and deep understanding of God's will about all of this. You (and she) would never, ever regret having done so! May God draw you both to him, and fill your lives, your hearts, with his Love! @Elecman89
I have no friends to talk to about this and certainly no family member. Talking to God doesn' t work for me. When you bring the bible into it, it just prevents people from talking to each other about this. I mean, could you just imagine going to church on a Sunday morning and saying , ' hey, man or woman, how' s your sex life going?'
@@kathleeniselin1354 that's not exactly Bible says if ya unmarried women and men had sex they should marry that's not fornication or adultery
Rick, God is the author of marriage. Rick NT Christians have forsaken the truth. The TWO reasons that your in a sexless marriage is:
1. Your wife does not fear God and she is selfish and she does not submit to you.
2. You have been brainwashed that you can have only one wife. God never forbid men from taking additional wives. In fact God regulated men when they took additional wives.
Rick these guys are talking BS because a REBELIOUS WOMAN will NOT HEED hence leaving still suffering.
Your only solution is TAKE AN ADDITIONAL YOUNGER WIFE and NEVER DIVORCE any of your wives.
Whats really bad is when your spouse acts like they hate sex or arent interested then you find out theyve had an affair several years. There's tons of crap going on out there, you really cant trust anyone 100%
Painful times. Lived it also
This is the number one reason men AND women will lie about libido. If they're not getting it from you, they're with someone else. Christianity or not it doesn't matter. Everyone needs sex and they get it whether they admit it or not.
It happens all the time. Wife loses interest in sex with her husband but her sex drive isn't gone, it is just switched off for her husband. She will cheat outside because she still wants sex.
KB Gan yes ! Because she’s going to Chad or Tyrone but we don’t talk about that here in the Buckle of the Bible Belt . We basically just regurgitate the same Feminist Right drivel as Pastor Todd
@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures
Disagree. Whereas you should assume that everyone wants sex (cause it's nearly always the case), some people sincerely don't have much/any desire for it. However, if they've married you and comfortably done it before, I'd definitely see it as a red flag.
If a wife is not providing the sex that her husband wants she has no right to complain if he finds another woman who will provide it. If she doesn't take her vows & duties seriously then she can hardly expect her husband to.
It's not a duty of a wife to provide sex for him. Maybe she has another person. He needs a new friendship. People deserve love and attention. If not at home, then somewhere else.
@@patriciakatz7866 sex is a duty of wife to provide sex to her husband . If she not then his husband Definately go outside for sex it's wife fault
No, marriage is about understanding. We can't run out whenever things get hard, it defeats the purpose of marriage. It's till death do us part in sickness and health.
@@Masowe. man should t leave just when he’s not getting any, without working on it 1st. But 100% it’s her duty to provide for his sexual needs
@@Masowe.WHERE ARE YOU FROM??!! DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??!! THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH "UNDERSTANDING" THAT A MAN CAN HAVE, WHENEVER HIS "WIFE" SPENDS MORE TIME ON CZcams QUILTING CHANNELS, THAN WITH HER OWN HUSBAND!! I'M SICILIAN, AND HAVE A SICILIAN TEMPER. I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH NEGLECT IN FAVOR OF SPENDING UNGODLY DAMNABLE AMOUNTS OF TIME ON BS CZcams QUILTING CHANNELS. I CAN'T COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HAD TO GO IUT THE DOOR, TO AVOID GOING FULL USMC AFTER DEALING WITH BEING NEGLECTED, AND BASICALLY ABUSED!! I AM NEITHER EUNUCH, PRIEST, NOR SHAOLIN MONK. I'M GLAD THAT I HAVE A JEWISH, THROATCUTTING LAWYER, AND WILL BE ALERTING HIM TO PREPARE FOR LEGAL COMBAT OPS. OOOORAH!
It's not always the woman. In my case it's the other way around. I don't what to do. I'm aware of what the Bible says .... either way I'm still being deprived. 😢😢😢
Tia Williams I know Tia. I know. 😢😢😢
@@VanessaSimon26 kill me please this is torture
Tia Williams your deprived because you choose to be deprived.
Cheat
Try meeting someone else
WAKE UP he doesn’t want you so get what you want
Triple have you tried sitting down with her and talk to her about the importance of intimacy and sex.
INSPIRE she doesn’t care until you walk out. She convinces you to come back and goes back to ignoring your needs until you cheat. You walk out. She follows you to another state baby traps you. Ignores your needs after babies after a new commitment to a one another. Then ignores your needs once more calling you needy and weak. Then you cheat again but now but now she blames you says you need to much attention. Has the moral high ground.
Solution: avoid marriage.
Correct. And I am married lol - 0/10 stars. Would NEVER recommend.
Get married to the right person
Some get married to avoid sexual sin.
Guys:
1 Hit the gym. Lift weights. 4 x per week at least.
2. Stop eating. Start prolonged fasting, 48 hours to 72 hours
3. Hygiene. Two showers per day. Hair cut. Grooming,
4. New wardrobe
5. Make more money.
6. Stop apologizing. Stop talking and stfu. Stop being so available. Get busy with hobbies. Spend more time with the fellas.
7. Improve your skill sets, education, certifications, seek out better paying work and or side business.
You will immediately stand out from 90% of the men out there.
Girls:
1. Stop eating. Lose weight. Start Prolonged fasting 48 hours to 72 hours or longer until lean.
2. Hit the gym. Yoga, lift weights, cardio 4 x per week. Get lean.
3. Grow your hair long.
4. Stop being angry and bitter. Get your face out of your damn cell phone. Be polite, pleasant and affable.
5. Be as feminine as freaking possible.
You will immediately stand out from 95% of American women out there, who all want to compete with men.
Notice women do not have to make more money, increase social status or education.
mfriedrich2012 so basically be the best you regardless of relationship status .. and it will come back naturally..
Are you still is positive now in the pandemic, I hope so, have a good day, that is some wisdom.
bravoman Return to the manufacturer. Request a refund. Get new one(s). Yes. That’s plural.
bravoman I do understand. It is profoundly sad when the people we love and devote our entire lives and our sexual monogamy to, don’t take those commitments and sacrifices seriously, nor with any sense of genuine appreciation or accountability.
It’s also sad when these same people lack any level of commensurate sexual desire for us.
You are left feeling cheated, because in truth they did cheat you.
Being a husband is full of legal, financial and emotional control, responsibility and accountability against what is effectively zero authority. Divorce laws prove this.
Being a wife has way more legal and financial authority and almost zero commensurate responsibility and accountability that couldn’t otherwise be taken care of by a nanny or a surrogate or a whore.
But accountability and responsibility are essentially kryptonite for women. They resent it. They will view the mere suggestion of duty sex as a wife as oppression, not to mention contrived, obligatory compliance - something unnatural.
But appreciating you and how you love her, can be difficult for some women because they just cannot relate to the sacrifices, endeavor and efforts men go through to qualify and provide for her reality. If you told her any of it, she would be confused by it or believe you are complaining, or making sex a conditional transaction.
But sex within in marriage is conditional and transactional. Resources, protection, comfort, security, parental investment from you in exchange for feminine companionship and sex from her. Sex is a ritual and contrived in this sense. It’s at risk of becoming boring, a nuisance and unnecessary.
People hate it when anyone points this out, with “what about love and Jesus and Allah?”
Well, God made men this way!
This is why looking for sex as a reward or as a form of appreciation from any woman - girlfriend, fiancé or wife is folly and backassward.
Women have sex because they “feel like it” or they really want to (horny). They seldom have sex because “oh, it’s been a while, and I bet your balls are really blue and full, and yeah that cashier at IKEA on Sunday with the nice ass was flirty with you. Sorry to keep you waiting!” No.
It’s always all about her.
Men must view sex through the lens of natural, genuine sexual desire - your desire is paramount,
But genuine sexual desire from her is extremely important.
Huge difference between begrudging, tired, half-assed, starfish duty sex and handjobs compared to urgent genuine feminine sexual desire and coitus in a AMC movie theater or in the car on the way home.
No comparison.
This is not a slam on women at all. Unless she takes roids, she will never experience her own gonads pumping out 20x the amount of testosterone bathing their veins and brains 24/7 no breaks like we do and wanting to fuck everything that moves.
If they did, then we would all starve, and humans would have died out millennia ago.
It’s more challenging for older, overweight, unhealthy and frumpy women. The sexual desire and urgency to mate deteriorates or is gone, and sex can even be an unpleasant and painful experience. Not always, but it’s not uncommon. If both people are healthy - good fitness and cardiovascular health, then active sex life into old age is possible.
I wish I had better advice on this. Do what you feel is right for yourself.
I understand about sexual fidelity and being true to God’s promise in the hereafter.
But I would eliminate the idea in your head altogether that she or anyone else appreciates what you are doing, or your sexual sacrifice. They just can’t. And they just won’t. Not ever.
You have one earthly life to live.
She cannot make you happy. You have to do assure that for yourself. She can compliment your life. But you have already made her the focus of yours. She knows what you want, but she will not give it to you.
If her mouth still works, and if she loves you, then I don’t get why she would withhold sexual pleasure from you.
I don’t believe that having “the talk” about sexlessness in marriage is productive at all. But you can try it.
I’ve known two men far older than me simply leave their wives instead of confront them about it. And another guy I know told his wife of 20 years “either you start fucking me or fuck you”. And as with any ultimatum, that was negotiating from position of weakness, and she divorce raped him.
It’s better to smile, look down at your crotch, say “no hard feelings”, and then just leave. Then go get laid.
Most women understand how important sex is for the men in their lives, but they still cannot bring themselves to do it. Some would rather feed you steak and ice cream than serve your sexual needs. I’ve witnessed this same issue with my uncles, and neighbors as well.
It’s difficult.
I would close by just saying sexual attention and sexual intercourse is optional from her perspective.
But non-sexual attention and verbal intercourse from you is also optional.
Prioritize yourself. No one else in this world will.
@bravoman You answered your own question when you said you made a promise to her and to God apparently that you agree to comprise your own sexual happiness and fulfillment and defer entirely to her needs at the full expense of yours.
And your woman knows this, so much so that she doesn’t care anymore about her health, her beauty or pleasing you sexually and physically.
This is very common behavior among western women.
I think you are an idiot to stay in that arrangement for the rest of your life.
You believe people will honor you and hold you in high esteem for your sacrifice. They definitely do not. They don’t care.
But I am not you.
I think you have made your choice already and justified it, but also want to bitch and moan for sympathy.
I don’t know what to tell you.
Yeah, it’s too bad. You have one life to live. She has one job, and she can’t or won’t even do it.
You are ok with her sexual abandonment of you.
And you are not going to do anything about it.
I am sorry. But you are already doing nothing about this.
Didn’t really answer the question. All he gave was reasons why it happens. It’s been 3 years and we have no intimacy. We live like roommates. She flat out says no she could go on the rest of her life with no sex. I have reached my breaking point. I am not old, I am not going to live inna sexless marriage forever, she has abandoned me emotionally.
Exactly!! All these videos and advice to is make me more and more angry! It's about the rejection, the abandonment, the spouses seeming lack of any concern and utter refusal to understand that they are driving a huge wedge in the relationship and causing huge pain. It's been 10 yrs in our marriage, she just is not interested.
That's a demonic spirit
Get in the best physical shape of your life and leave her.
@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures That is honestly what I have been thinking of doing too. Like Saved's original post, my wife has stated the same. And there is always some excuse. Yet, I know that she has had one affair 4 years ago because I confronted her on some messages and she admitted to it. She literally had sex with the guy the morning after turning me down for sex. And I know that she made out with some other guy about a year ago. But I really don't believe she just made out with him.
The only reason I haven't left already is because I have 2 younger children by her, and I don't want to be relegated to a part-time father while some other jerk raises my kids. I am awaiting either her to screw up again & I have the proof (State of Tennessee will award the children to the injured spouse in divorce if that divorce is caused by infidelity), or my children to reach the age of choice. I don't know if I can manage it for that long. And I am seriously contemplating divorce. Either way, I can't handle being in this situation much longer. And honestly, I am at the point where I don't even want to have sex with her anymore. It's not the same as before her affairs.
@@jamiehoekstra11677 if she already admitted to affairs then you have all the evidence you need to get your children. Also file for full custody alimony and child support and whatever you can get. Make her pay for her behavior
Please answer this question. If your spouse has a very low libido, you can't make them want sex and you can't somehow get them to like it by arguing about it. No one ever answers the question, "How does one cope with being married to a spouse who is asexual?" Are there no tips for learning to live with and love a spouse, but ignore the physical? It is very difficult!
I’m going through the same thing… it’s all of a sudden since she started the birth control and it’s just me sitting here all sad that I’m going to have to break up with her…
Very difficult but 3years in with those problems. Not lacking interest on its own but also the ability to
I’m divorced for this reason but enjoy bible
I hate when men pastors don’t stand up to truth in this situation. It’s rarely health related. It’s mostly women and they do it for spite but pastors always make excuses for them.
I believe sex is a wonderful duty. Women should not deny their husbands and the husbands should not deny the wives. As long the couple is realistic on the number of times they can have sex within a week. Maybe sex once a week or once every other week. It all depends on the amount of time the couple can agree upon.
And when it’s not women? When it’s men, then what?
Great job! Your positions are well thought out and biblical. I would caution you though on the wording that was said in the beginning “I don’t want you to make that mistake.” Some might take that in the wrong way and return to hiding from the shame of being damaged goods. A person that runs from a person that suffers from the affects of trauma is not living out Jesus’s teachings. (Mark 2:13-17, etc...). Unconditional love would state that both love each other enough to deal with it. The trauma suffer would deal with and heal from the trauma to be healthy for their spouse. The future spouse would be a support pillar for the trauma sufferer as they go through this transformation process from a possesser of trauma to a possesser of a treasure. It is so important to not affirm the devils point that if you are damaged goods then you are not worthy of Gods love! It takes so much for a abuse sufferer to admit that you are a victim and share that it would be tragic if they are sent back into living hell by being shamed by the one they love. I believe we expose it to dispose it and we should help people dispose of the pain of trauma by helping them expose it. No if the person suffering from the abuse or trauma refuses to deal with it than that’s a different story all together. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it!
Withholding sexual intimacy is as sinful as having an affair. They're both robbery.
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The first May be unintentional, the second is intentional.
The answer is simple but it is not easy to do sometimes. If you are in a sexless marriage with somebody who has the ability to have sex but flat out refuses to. Then you should leave. Leaving is not easy. You may not be in a financial position to leave. You may be worrying about what people will think, etc.
If you stay you will suffer and suffer. Plan to leave, work towards it. Then leave.
Not sure if you're still reading these comments but I found this to be very very helpful, I think even though one of us wants intimacy and the other doesn't that you can put the two together and come under 1st Corinthians 7 like you said, that was really good thank you
I have been in a relationship for 34 years and sexless for the past 19 years. My hubby is just not interested whatsoever. I miss all forms of intimacy in this relationship. I feel rejected, unattractive, angry, cheated and lonely. There is no touch, kiss, hug, hand holding etc.
i understand no sex
but no sensual touches or kisses or
hand holding or romantic gestures
that is something else
i wish you the best
i feel for you sis
@Allyson Azulay, I feel so bad for you. I've heard there are men who aren't into sex, but I've never met any. Hopefully you can find one of these guys whose wives aren't into sex and both your lives will be better.
Hard to believe that men withhold sex and physical intimacy for their wives.
I love the humility in which this topic is dealt with, in which you assume the position that the husband is more likely to fall into temptation here. Women have affairs too though when they are no longer in love with their husbands. I think when we marry, it should really be about the person, not physical needs, to begin with, as we all get older. If you're not in love with each other's minds, then you're only in love with sex itself, and not the intimacy with that person. Then they, not feeling loved, will feel used and not wanting what you're giving them. That is the danger.
Stop depriving each other. It feels like I'm ugly or something.
True
Same
Yeah I feel unattractive and not desired by my own partner
bravoman so why you married her?
bravoman Well you may never find what you want. You might as well try and love her. Look for all the good qualities about her and focus on those. If u are just focus on looks, something is wrong with you. U may need to seek some kind of therapy.
God surely does not will for us to exist in sexless marriages.
We were all about sex before we got married. We didn’t have kids and two years in... we might have sex once every two months. And I’ve tried talking to him about it. He makes excuses. Usually trying to blame it on me being tired... yet he never tries. He’s just not interested in me. I’m so tired of it.
Hello Trista
Find a new friendship. He'll look twice, ha
These are very important stories from both sides
A marriage is a contract between a couple to have sex exclusively with each other. Can one person refuse to have sex and expect the other person to remain monogamous? This woman is selfish, there are no two ways about it. Her husband certainly did not agree to a sexless marriage; he was railroaded into it. The real reason is that she has fallen out of love with her husband. She has rejected him emotionally and the rejection has become physical. A sexless marriage is a loveless marriage. You cannot have emotional intimacy with a person and reject physical intimacy with that person. It is impossible. Mind and body are two sides of the same coin. This woman is lying when she said that their relationship is fine minus the sex. There is nothing left in their relationship. They are just room mates living together.
Spot on
If your partner simply no longer has interest in being intimate or is physically incapable of having sex, then they should step up and address the issue. If I was incapable or completely disinterested in sex and my wife wanted it to be a part of our relationship, I would sit her down and tell her that she needs to seek it elsewhere. Now I am talking if sex is the only issue, if your marriage is not going well and sex is one of many issues, then divorce may be your best route. I am saying that if all else is good but one person doesn't want sex any longer, that person should be given the freedom to satisfy that need elsewhere.
The less marriages these days, the better. Marriage is costing people their happiness. It’s better to stay single and just focus on God.
I agree. I'm divorced and never looked back. My guy and I are roommates. It works for the better.
1 Cor 7:38
Never getting married has its problems too
Can it be a reason for a wedding annulment? What Bible has said about wedding annulment
My husband straight after our marriage choose to continue with His porno things.Afcourse I had no idea that He was a slave to this.
As a result I was being begging him a sex once a month.After a year of marriage I stopped to ask and now for fifteen years I was in sex less marriage.
Kasandra Aldine 15 year.... your just stupid. That’s not even logical.
You were literally married to a man of pride and now you wasted all of those years when you could have been getting destroyed by a man who loves you
bravoman Very cruel comment. People like you are addicted to porn. That is why you watch it.
@@abigailjohnson568 Usually men watch porn because their wives reject them sexually & refuse to give them sex.
It's still f*cked up but many wives cause it.
@@m.g.6394 Tell your wife that you are lonely and she will cause you to commit adultery if she does not allow you have sex once a week or at least once every two weeks with her. Maybe once a month would be good for u, I don’t know. Tell her you are willing to compromise so you can have a healthy marriage that truly represents Christ. See what she has to say. Compromise meaning to help her with things she needs help with. Let me know how that works out.
What to do? Run!
Who is running marathon lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂
What about if your spouse does not keep 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5? What will be your advise?
That’s the answer they typically leave out. In the end, prayer and seeking God for help through struggle is it.
Premarital counselling was a waste of time IMO. It's a bunch of 80 year old priests talking about something they've not experienced and too embarrassed and/or unwilling to talk to both people about the physical side of marriage, speaking in euphemism if at all (with the assumption being the man and only the man is the one that needs to be understanding and accommodating).
I doubt anyone would knowingly go into a lifetime commitment of neglect so the person who isn't interested in being a full partner should take steps to not get into a relationship where they will deprive the person they supposedly "love" of something so essential.
I've lived it for 26 years and it destroys you emotionally, mentally and at the end of the day, physically as well, leaving you numb and distant - cold to to the other person because that's all you have left to minimize the pain that is an every day constant.
26 years.
Jesus heals but what if the one who needs healing doesnt bother...?
I don't know how many times I've heard this reference from the Bible about not depriving each other. What do you do when your spouse isn't compelled by that to make more of an effort?
@bravoman isn't it strange how married people can't talk and find ways to make life fun and enjoyable for your each other. How is the person with no charity for their spouse going to heaven? Why do you owe her your paycheck but she owes you nothing? Get some counseling, talk to your pastor, get a backbone and have a very clear discussion with her on your needs. Give her plenty of chances, then move on to someone who wants to be with you and not just to take your money.
@bravoman I thought she was telling you no everytime you asked. Dude, you may be hurting her feelings your expectations. This is your girl, you're committed, go enjoy your time with her. Sure there is better looking women out there but sounds like you made your decision go enjoy it. What I was trying to say is, don't live your whole life miserably because you're afraid to make a change. Really, best wishes, I want you to be happy.
@bravoman Wow, at least you're completely honest about what you're feeling and thinking. I wonder about similar things. As I age, I'm finally making great money. I'm kinder and more sensitive to what women like and want. But then some 20 year old that can't even hold a job and just plays video games is getting with all these beautiful women.
I have friends that married beautiful women, who go to the gym and still look and act great. I have other friends who's wives have put on a 100 pounds and treat them poorly. Why was one guy blessed and the other really not. I have no idea. Life is about learning and trying to improve, trying to become like God.
I wonder if your into porn. That can give you unrealistic beliefs about how women should be. Hell, most movies can give you unrealistic beliefs about women.
I want you to be happy. You need to find a way to stop fantasizing about other women and start fantasizing about your wife. Understand, I'm working at it too. I'm not blind. Just life needs to be enjoyed.
Date her sister
I'd also add that pre marital counselling is wise, but unlikely to expose past trauma or it's future impact on marriage. Those who work in trauma understand more about this. It's incredibly complex. We've been seeing therapists for almost 20 years, and the trauma piece didn't really show itself for many years.
I need help!!!! I’ve been married for 3 months now! And I’ve been a virgin since I got married... but we haven’t had sex (intercourse yet) and it’s been bothering me big time! Please tell me what I can do!!! I’m contacting a marriage counsel first week of August! But still I feel so alone!!! Oral sex is what we do sometimes... very little. But nothing extra!
How old are you both?
Lol 3 MONTHS!? Try 3 years...
Blessed and Thankful it sounds like you have married a little bitch. That was a big mistake your going to have so many problems in your life/marriage. Being in a sexless marriage is a choice. Think about it
Maida Hairabedian What is wrong with people, yikes.I feel bad for you.
Thank u so much...
What if a man can't or doesnt want to perform in bed. His wife still has needs .
Stuck In NY this is my issue! I have my needs
Stuck In NY you need to ask questions about how he feels sexually. Ask him does he think of ir anymore, craves it, where is his head at. Can he still get erect? Did he gain weight? Does he show you affection at all? Is home? Out all night? Ignores you, doesn't make eye contact when you talk? Etc...ask yourself those questions and ask him some too! A man doesnt stop pleasing his wife for no reason. There needs to a serious conversation. My husband and I have had an inconsistent sexual relationship for the past 10 years and im 32!😩 but the root problem is finances. Everytime we hit rock bottom SO does his sex drive and I suffer in silence because when I'm stressed what I want most is love, reassurance and intimacy but he cant be there because he is mentally stressed and focus on money.
The both of you have to understand that even sex is a mutual action the same as marrige house purchase decorating purchases its more that just pleasure its a way to see each other in a way no one else can see as well as a way to feel closer and even feel more attractive and the reasom thats an issue is because most spoces dont really imaging each other in switched role and thats why they dont really understand how alone you feel in that moment where your just layin bed and overthink
Do you still love me in that way i love u?
Is there something wrong?
Did i do something wrong?
Sometimes its just a matter of talking thing through and opening up to each other instead of allowing that sexually frustration to turn to resentment and useless arguing and something its a matter of just doing it and reminding yourself or your partner how enjoyable sex can be in that intimacy level
My wife gave up OUR sexlife a decade ago. Because of a medical condition I could not have an erection at all. I got treated and now I can, but she got used to not having ANY sex not even pleasuring herself. So now I could do it 3 times a day but SHE has decided not to have any sexlife and I choose not to have sex outside of our “marriage”. We are friends. That’s about it. It’s the one part of my life that I hate and has driven me to depression. Honestly I haven’t been hugged or touched in a decade. I have withdrawn from the World. No friends. But, it’s been partially my choice too so I can’t blame anyone for it. It’s difficult being 55 and knowing that for the rest of my life I won’t have anyone or anything. What woman would ever want to be with a “man” that can’t satisfy her sexually ? That part of me died. I will have to take these drugs help my body and brain regulate. Testosterone is a drug I have to take everyday. Without it my body will get weak. Brittle bones, teeth. I wish things were better. When I couldn’t have sex I told my wife to have sex to satisfy her with other people, like an open relationship but she said she could never do that. Now she is Asexual. She always says to me that she wants a more intimate relationship with me, yet she says she is not interested in Sex at all. To me that is a CONFUSING statement. I’ve been married for 20 years and our marriage is dead 💀 and it’s a complicated living arrangement.
This scenario never happens.
It seems this is more of split issue than I first thought. Like if you're male, comment if you're female.
Definitely an issue.
National marriage ministry. It figures, all these great resources are forefronted in the USA. We don't really have that in Sweden. 💔
"Great resources" from the people who advised men to either abstain or castrate themselves?
I think not.
I have begged God for help in this. It has been 2015/2016 since we have been intimate. I have really considered giving up and leaving life. My kids are really the only ones that I am trying not to give into those thoughts.
@@Masowe. don't be, it doesn't get any better. She won't come around. Trust me and every other married guy.
@@SammifromMiami we have reached a point of understanding. I am comfortable with the pace we have now by the grace of God
If she doesn't put out, get out.
Can you reframe this for atheits? (no "sacred sex" arguments)
Get a divorce
Stella Ercolani easier said then done.
She gets half(or more) and if you initiate a no fault her lawyer may try to take all
@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures This is one of the reasons why I have been contemplating suicide
@@yolsclassics6347 Same here. People dont get how bad it feels.
Captain ADHD Get some help buddy, don’t do it.
A sexless marriage doesn’t mean there was sexual abuse. What about those couples that didn’t have that experience?
I just got married but my hysband is having problem however he doesn't want to look for a solution. what can i do?
Try Prayer.
MiaMaria P. He sounds like a man of pride more like a bitch just start seeing someone else
the bible is so much fun
My wife has MS. There is no hope.
The advice is sound, but he doesn't really define what a 'season' is. A week? Month? Year? 5-10 years? More? I'd be willing to bet that if you're watching this, you're in the upper range of this... I'd also suggest that those watching this are not the ones who need to see it. Sorry to be so hopeless, but for so many, this topic is brought up and rejected. Often harshly by their loved ones. I am getting to the point that nothing short of separation will bring my wife to see how much pain this has brought on my life. Even then, she may simply see it as an ultimatum/pressure. I am not minimizing her pain (she has had horrific trauma in her life), but unless the unwilling/unable spouse is open, honest, and is willing to join the cause 100%, there is no hope. That is where so many of us are these days.
what about when your spouse leaves you for another person?
You find another one.
I would be happier if he left. If I’m going to be alone and with someone in the home with me. I would choose to just be alone, alone.
Let them go. You deserve to be loved
Best video on the subject.
So my husband is divorcing me now and it has come to light he has been adulterating our marriage with an old school friend of his for the past 15 years and is now with her yet we are not even divorced yet. He has refused to go for councilling and I had issues with intimacy - however it has come to light now that he has actually been emotionally adulterating our marriage for most of our marriage - I have hope for our marriage; I have been asking him for years to go for councilling with me; is it possible that my lack of intimacy is a direct link to his infidelity of our marriage
My wife has not had sex in 14 months but my girlfriend and I have sex 3 times a week.
Get out of the marriage. It's not worth it. A sexless marriage is not a marriage at all.
At what point do you realize this even though it has been drilled into you that God hates divorce?
@@mandyzepeda5447 I hear you..I am in a similar position
@@kevinwilkes1653 mine blows up and fights and lectures me for hours if I bring it up or try expressing myself. I wonder if that's just us or if its common I'm these situations
You right
@@mandyzepeda5447 they have broken their vows to you and it is mental abuse to be in a sexless marriage. Unless it is due to medication or disability get out. If it is because of past sexual abuse then they need to be willing to be brave and do everything they can to seek therapy immediately. If not get out and divorce. They have broken cows to you and the covenant between you and husband and the Lord.
At what point do you give up? I've never felt more rejected in my life. I have never had self esteem problems like I feel I do now. I've had other partners and never had these issues. I've tried to get him to marriage counseling numerous times. The counselors continually told him to draw a circle around himself and change the person in the circle. I thought things were picking up for a few weeks when we started marriage counseling again but he told me I hadn't changed enough to warrant him going back to counseling. I've told him to leave numerous times but he refuses. I know God hates divorce but when do you finally just let go?
@Mandy Zepeda, I feel you sister. The rejection men feel is also painful.
Its been nearly four years. How long is my season of baring my cross? I have no desire to be a unic for Christ or anyone else. At what point is it ok to make the statement that I'd do ANYTHING for you why don't you feel the same?
Masturbation is the supreme form of sex please Idiots get this
never say that. you cannot negotiate her sexual desire. do not go to some christian marriage counselor thats gonna try and tell her its her duty or some bullshit bc thats then seen as an obligation which is antiseductive. do dates, have fun, make moves on her just like you did in the beginning.
@bravoman then start doing it
@bravoman you accept it or leave her. Fact is you can leave but if you dont want to bc of the bible then I cant help you, unfortunately. That's your problem
I am a 30 year old virgin (and a good looking virgin at that)
Figure out if it's physical or psychological and seek help. If it's simply lack of interest, you don't have a husband/wife, you have a roommate. You'll have to decide if you deserve happiness or not.
o.k., what if you are in your senior years?
@@francorotiroti230 A change tends to be natural in the senior years...That being said, there are old people having sex. Ask around about what goes on in nursing homes. If you dare. Really wish I was joking.
How long does this "Season" after baby last?
Medically it's 4or6 months if I recall.
I'm actually surprised my wife and I had a child. She was off birth control for 3 years before she got pregnant. She also only agreed to sex about 2 times a year during our 19 years of marriage.
@@918Mitchell I would do a paternity test on that child... just sayin
Praise the lord!I'm 23 female.i got married last year.we have completed 1 year of our marriage.we had no sex from the first day.im totally in sexless marriage I don't understand what to do.my parents told me to leave my husband but I always think that it is against God's will please help me what should do??? Shoud I leave him or stay in this marriage?? Please help me with your comments
You don’t have to divorce but you can separate from him and get some counseling while you are separated. He needs to see this matter as very serious and make some changes. Tell him to seek counseling as well while you are separated. Try a sex therapist who can counsel you both together.
Hopefully the separation will make him realize this situation is serious and he will work towards having a healthy marriage.
If things do not change in this marriage, you will start having a negative inner self talk. It will lead to depression and anxiety.
Don’t ignore this problem, address it now. If u don’t, you will spend the next 20 years in a sexless unhappy marriage.
I realize this response is quite late, but I just saw this. I hope things for you in your marriage is much better. If not I would reccomend researching 'Intimacy Anorexia' Dr. Doug Wiess has a lot of information and videos on the subject. There is also something called 'Married and Alone'. I hope this is helpful.
You know these are elementary in the faith or at least they should be. But much like divorce rates inside the church mimicking that of the world people of faith often only let God Lord over them in certain areas of their lives. It's never a full surrender. And let's be honest about the partner most guilty of this...the wife. Even if a man is no longer attracted to his wife it takes very little for him to be aroused baring some major health issue or medication. From experience I can say women are perfectly happy never offering their bodies to their husbands unless the husband begs enough at which time she will consent for no other reason than to shut him up for a few months. True deliverance from this struggle is when you create within yourself as a husband a lack of dependency on your wife for sex. It's the only way to not be in bondage within your marriage.
bravoman IBGoodPeopl said a man can get aroused even if not attracted to his wife. On the other hand, you can’t. I think you don’t even try.
Good teaching but my wife and I have had a sexless marraige for over 20 years. Wife refuses outright even to kiss and cuddle. She has always had anger issues but has got better over the years. i only stay with her because I made a promis to be faithful and to stay with her when we got married.
I'm in a similar situation. In it still because I'm a follower of Christ
Get out!
p.s. Tom Leykis.
My wife had her ovaries removed and sex became very painful for her, she has lost all desire after the surgery and not interested in any form of sex. Before the surgery we used to have sex regurlarly and she enjoyed it very much, it has now been over 5 years and I am in my early sixties and she is in her late 50's. At this stage of my life finding another sex partner is not easy, unless you go out and pay for it. No easy answers out there, but if I do encounter another woman and she wants to get together, I will not say no.
I think if I was the wife in this situation I would expect my husband to get stuck in with me understanding how hard it is for me
can you talk about autochorisexuals and asexual
Just don't get married. Simple
Can we start dealing with narcism as the spirit or selfishness, lying and brokenness as it is please? Psychology can’t cure this but the love and knowledge of Christ can. It’s a familiar spirit that attached to these people after an early trauma. It ruins lives and families for kicks and the victim needs to be delivered of it.
I left after 16 years. He just refused. I said those words to him. I have such anger and pain I wish I could explain how hurt I am.. I am divorced and I feel like I will never be happy. By the way this identity is not mine, I’m a woman.
Hello
This guy clearly has very little experience with the subject. 99% seeking help for sexless marriages are those who want more sex. It's rare that the one withholding sex seeks help, unless under pressure from the higher libido spouse. Withholding sex without consent is infidelity (Sexual Immorality), and infidelity is not a cross to bear. Most spouses withholding sex are happy with the status quo and refuse to make any changes to the relationship. According to Matthew 19:9, Divorce is a biblical option for those stuck in a sexless marriage.
Bravoman then why would you marry her?! You’ve ruined not only your life but hers also.
@@sylviaredmond8386 what about wife runied Husband life by refused for sex ??? And make his husband Unsatisfied or unhappy . Wife runied his husband life by saying No for sex . Your thinking is Husband live whole life Being Unsatisfied or unhappy after marriage like a bead body and not Dirvoce their wife this is your Fucking wrong thinking no one can live unsatisfied or unhappy after marriage . If wife says No for sex then Husbands have right to Dirvoce and go outside for sex .
The issue is not addressed here. People are asking about how to deal with rejection in marriage. Not trauma or injury.
And if you are not allowed to live together?
12months only 8 yrs for us🥵
What about if you are in an abusive marriage?????
PitbullAwsome I know what he would probably say because I used to go to their church. If you are being physically abused, get out and get somewhere safe. Then get some help. Get into therapy preferably a Christian therapist. (Look in the description section) You have to heal yourself with God. See if your spouse will go to therapy as well. If he/she won’t, keep working on yourself. Get around good people, find a healthy church to give you good biblical insight. Don’t file for divorce instantly. Do everything you can on your end but do not go back to this person and keep enduring the pain until he/she has gotten real help. God hates divorce but He is not against separation. Most importantly, when you pray, pray for your spouse. Sounds weird, but God can do anything. I’ve seen it happen. Your spouse needs prayer.
Stephanie Bogart It doesn t sound weird at all.I know God can do anything.Thank you so much for your answer.These are some very helpful advises you gave.God bless you!!!!
PitbullAwsome I agree totally with their advice. God values human life. At the same time he recognizes that we love that person, even past the bad stuff. Also, when there are children involved, their welfare must come first and separation is a must.
In my country, I was told that since I had already separated once and gone to a refuge, then forgiven him and gone back, then it happened again, unless I filed for divorce to prove I would not go back, Social Services would take our children into Care. Sometimes, there is no alternative. But there should be no reason to involve another person as it becomes adultery and only worsens the whole situation for everyone involved. I know what it's like to still love a man with anger issues. It's like marrying the kind hearted David Banner and occasionally the Hulk appears. Prayer is essential. My husband would not accept me praying for him as he believed the man should be in charge of that. And he believed in a very harsh and wrathful God rather than a God that heals.
Pink Fuschia I am so sorry you went through all of this.I know it s very difficult to take a reasonable decision when your physical and mental health is in jeopardy.I believe that only God can help someone through this in a more safe for everyone manner. Especially for the children sake.And as you said....prayer is essential.It s awful when someone fear God isn t it???? It s like they worship a totally different God than the one in the Bible.
I hope you are all doing better now!!! God bless you!!!!
PitbullAwsome Mentally I was strong and prayed all the time and I know that was God looking after our family and me. Physically I was much weaker and pregnant. You can pray for yourself, your spouse and the children, but one thing you can never do is get inside their relationship with God. They have to accept prayer from others, accept that God wants to heal and is only waiting for them.
I was very legalistic (biblically) back then and really believed under no circumstance would I ever divorce. I told my solicitor that, but was told I now had no choice but to lose the children to Care unless I started the process at this stage. I was torn, but had to now choose between breaking my principles so as to keep the children, or have them taken away including the one I was carrying. That is the position we are put in today. Not everything is cut and dried.
Jesus broke the rules when he let the disciples pick and eat on the Sabbath. He also mentioned David and his men eating sacred bread which was forbidden in order to survive. Jesus also healed on the Sabbath. Luke 6:1-11. Sadly, there are times when the rules cannot be adhered to and we just have to pray for strength and Holy Spirit to keep us safe and guide us.
What is the alternative to a sexless marriage? If one has been in a marriage for 50 years with most of it affection less what do you do to keep coping? Die?
Wife has been stone walling me for a DECADE ! Says she is a Christian. Will not get help... I have asked her to go see a doctor. NOPE. Then tells me our Relationship has no intimacy. smh. It's like she is 2 different people. She is just selfish as hell. I say lets spend time together doing something... Honestly, anything we do she says she's not interested. I have pulled out the stops.. She wants me to do what SHE is interested in only. I have done that... Then we do something I like or that we can enjoy together. She's not interested.
How can a Woman refuse sex for a decade... Ten Years !!! and then tell me "if you go outside the marriage, then that's cheating".. That's just not right.
She says nightly.. come to bed with me... I come to bed.. and then EXCUSES... I'm too tired, etc etc. I quit coming to bed. It's just a waste of my time.
How’s everything now?
@@ges3061 same. Zero sex. I’ve moved on from pouting about it. She has other attributes that are a positive. She is a great caring Mom and other things. Life is a crapshoot. I can’t change HER. Only she can do that. I’m too old to be looking for other options. It is what it is. I do miss the touch of a woman. I miss the warmth of intimacy. Some things are not fixable. I’ve made my peace with it.
Thanks for asking. :)
Divorce her.
Johann Schultz I was married for 22 years and believed in till death do us part, but she left so thankfully maybe I’ll find somebody that likes sex or loves me, but you say what were all thinking, just get rid of her, lol. The ironic thing is she’s having sex because she married somebody else, and I’m not and she’s the one that didn’t care about it, and I do, and since I’m a Christian, I can’t,so I have to wait till I get married again.
@@scottcollins9446 i dont even think it says anywhere specifically in the bible not to have sex outside of marriage. it just says do not commit adultery. also dont take the bible so literally and as the end all be all. they also had concubines in the bible and kings with tons of wives so the king could always get off. male sexual strategy is unlimited access to unlimited sexuality.
@@scottcollins9446 you gotta wake up to reality and female nature and intersexual dynamics. till death due us part means nothing to women. the love and affection they show you only applies in that moment and is always subject to change based on how well you are showing up as a strong masculine alpha male and strong provider for her offspring.
it is a lifelong battle with women to keep them sexually interested and in love. its not just ok she married me and agreed to love me forever im good to go. nope
its all about how they feel for you in the present moment, their love is conditional. 20 years of marriage and her promises and commitments, dont mean shit. thats just female nature theyre slaves to their emotions.
you could even have a recording of her saying her vows and tell her she agreed to love you and support you till death due us part...and she would just say...yeah i know but i dont feel that way anymore.
Burns Yodice I take the Bible literally and it does talk about those things look it up.1 Corinthians 7
Burns Yodice Bible talks about your body is not your own and you are to give yourself to the other, basically when they want it.
My husband has no desire to have sex with me and prefers masturbation. I think most guys nowadays have lost their sexuality.
On the brightside im only 30 and in the top 2%
Please what is the bible said about ring or a weeding ring
Alice Attaa There is NO place in Bible which suggest as to put on ring.As for what I did learn,originally all these "rings things" came from the pagans and the ring was meant to represent "sun god".
Kasandra Aldine if that's what you get a ring for I would stop but if that's not your intentions then you're fine
Alice Attaa a weeding ring?
I have friends in sexless marriage the woman does not want it at all. Doesn't have a thing to do with child birth medication or other.
Then she shouldn't be married
I can't live like this anymore she hasn't touched me once in three years. I just want to disappear.
good traveling partner..annulled.
The trauma is the shame and guilt the churches produces when this has been beat into their heads since they were young . looking no further then the purity culture or
Augustine was one of a long line of theologians to promote the idea of sexual desire as a sin. Other Christian leaders have argued that being too passionately in love with a partner, or having sex just for pleasure, was also a sin!
Problem is so many cute young ladies 19 and 20 marry old men 30 plus. The man beat them to old age then later the sex fades . It happens. Its best to marry close to your age. I feel sorry for men. Wish I could stop lot from marrying. You fall in this prison and it gets so hard to ever escape. Im single. I used to think marriage was goals but many are miserable.its an epidemic
I'm of the opinion that we as humans live out this life like a TOXIC, SADISTIC PARODY. If you make the attempt & look around you will see that each & EVERYONE of us has some sick challenge put infront of us. DEATH, DEBT, HEALTH, LOVE (or lack of), LONELINESS, POVERTY, LOSS, STRESS & the list goes on. I personally know of people challenged in this life by ALMOST all the above & still pull them selves out of bed. However, in many ways a sexless marriage is better then AIDS, A genetic cancer line, death of a child, sibling etc. The thing is, I'm a catholic born & brought up in INDIA. a nation of 1.2 billion people, you can't imagine the diversity of this nation. You see it all. That being said, as a man, I wouldn't blame the woman, I would blame the situation that leads all concerned parties to the door of a sexless marriage. But it's just one of those cards you gotta play. One solution is OUTSOURCING. we indians know alot about this. Trust me.
Everytime i bring sex up to my wife i have to get ready for war. Wtf man.
I’m 62, married 42 years and haven’t sex in a number of years because my wife has become morbidly obese. I went through some major depression.
Lol wow
Start a new friendship. Sex comes later, possibly.
I was expecting a less religious-based answer .
José Luis Ortiz huh?
You know what we can do it, how about not getting married?
What do you do when sex was great leading up to marriage. Then sexless after marriage?
There is definitely an underlying problem in the relationship. Usually starts with arguments, when either spouse is feeling angry then forget it, it starts with rejection, then the rejected party will be afraid/angered to ask again. Then the cycle goes on. It could also happen post having children, because the children need more attention. This is a normal process and that's why males that have children have less testosterone, because it's evolutionary. Most of the effort will be in taking care of the children. The simplest solution is to accept it and interact with the children more and your body will adjust the hormones accordingly.
So when she decides to stop having any intimacy you’re bibilical advice is just live without it. What a joke.
I haven't had sex with my husband for over yr..he refuse and every since I can remember we always did...my son was born through BEGGED sex
Ana Velez wow that’s crazy..... your husband is a bitch.
😥😥😥
There must be something wrong with people's desire for their spouse. It seems like a natural part of life that one spouse loses their attraction to the other. Because it sounds so common. I'm willing to be that medical reasons and such are the exceptions to prove the rule, because every one of these videos wants to rule them out. As for trauma, why was she hot and horny for you before the marriage? My wife won't even talk to me anymore about trying to overcome our sexless marriage. So I'm done with it, too. I'm out. She professes her undying love for me, but won't so much as kiss me or hug me. Is she lying?
Problem my wife hasn't wanted it for 15years, But I still love her. In a 0 sex marriage., Must be a 15year plus season. No physical reason that I know of, except my wife dosn't want it.
My wife starves me from sex and I’m sick of it
Age 20 = I lost my virginity.
Age 21 = my girlfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. (she enjoyed the free rent)
Age 22 = No sex for 3 years,; she had zero interest in Sex. I never forced the issue.
Age 24 = We split up.
Age 24 = I went straight into another sex-free/ sexless relationship.
Age 25 = Free & single i enjoyed sowing my wild oats....
Age 30-37 = Engaged twice - they cheated = The End
Age 43 = I have been (celibate) Monk Mode for over 4 years
I will never date a woman again. Waste of time, waste of energy and she will steal your money/property when she leaves ur home.
MY uncle (Mad Jack) used to say :
''You become a real man the day you don't need a woman anymore.
Sounds ironical and probably counter-intuitive, but that's the truth...''
I didn't realize this was going to be a religious thing when I clicked on it. After watching this video, it definitely sounds like a frustrating way to increase your estrogen levels. No thanks.
All of a sudden she's not sexually attracted to me .Menopause is part of it . But I should have married a younger woman.
This is what men need to learn . Men are made ,women are born. It is always better to have a young submissive wife with at least seven years age difference
Marriage can be a lonely place. I've had no touch, no hug, no kiss, no affection for a long time now. We live in a broken world. We can't put our hope of fulfillment in a human relationship. Cast all your cares upon Jesus, the One who will never forsake you.
please help
I'm fine being in a sexless marriage. I don't enjoy it so why do it? If my partner wants to leave I'll pack my shit.
No excuse for zero intimacy!