Male Abusive Behaviours in Korean Dramas
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
- How Korean drama romanticize abuse behaviours
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【Keyword】 korean drama, dating abuse, masculinity, feminist, emotional abuse, physical abuse, gender stereotype
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This video talks about abusive behaviours in Korean romantic dramas. It includes physical abuse (force pulling, pushing to the wall, break things, force kissing and hugging etc), emotional abuse (victim blaming, nickname calling, overcontrolling) and toxic masculine attitude in Korean drama (women always need men's protection, women's no can tranform into a yes if a guy is persistent etc)
Please let me know if the Korean translations are wrong, because I am not really good at Korean.
And I tried to only include shows without paranormal or supernatural elements. Most of them are just about normal people's lives. If you have any Korean shows in mind that also include dating abusive behaviours, please comment down below and share your thoughts!
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More readings about dating abuse in Korean dramas:
netizenbuzz.blogspot.com/2016/...
koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/...
www.koreaboo.com/stories/kore... - Krátké a kreslené filmy
I'd rather date a circus clown who loves and respects me rather than a CEO who abuses me.... happiness first..
Same
Absolutely true.And what I find extremely disturbing is the rich man poor woman storyline.Most of the time,the guy who is extremely powerful bullies the woman into submission with the infamous line"You are MINE" and we treat them as possessive and romantic when in reality it is emotional abuse.And this not only applies to kdramas but many other dramas and even books I've read(even western contemporary romance). People seriously need to stop this.Its so wrong on so many levels
This comment made me wheeze djsmsmsmsnsns I’d date a nice circus clown anyday
Yea thts y I love Im siwan from run on. Beautiful character.
ey circus clowns are lovely to me either way
If these dudes weren’t traditionally pretty these kdramas would turn into long segments of law & order
hahaahaha
imagen if they did though. grab me some popcorn
Someone send this comment to TvN, I’m ready to watch
If by traditionally pretty, you mean they plastic surgery their faces, then you are not wrong.
Sugarplumpie where are you from?
6:21
*Male character force pulls female characters*
The cameraman at every angle that exists: 🧍♂️📸 🚣♂️ 📸 🏂📸
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂 and he can't speak so he must pull her lol
and the slow motion
@@jsjdgj7768 sucks🤣
The music: 💕😘✨💋🌈🎀
honestly I’m sick and tired of this cold boy with a sweet, innocent, helpless girl dynamic that literally all kdramas have going on.
I hate them so much like can we change this already (mostly I see these types in wattpad fanfic and based on the preview I don’t want to read it anymore) it’s outdated and bad
Atleast there are some kdramas right now like Crash Landing on you or Run on that lessens that type of cliches where the girl is clueless while the man manipulates her and she agrees with them (except for true beauty I guess )
You should watch Angel Last Mission: Love, it's the total opposite. The Female lead is cold and strict (especially to her workers) but she has shown some kindness, The male lead is sweet innocent funny but has shown some seriousness as well.
That's why I'm kinda bored of entertainment industry. Feels like everything finished up. Only thing that's left is chilling out the sole reason of entertainment now🥺
That's why I am team Seojun in TB
“So what’s your love language?”
the male leads: *abuse*
i'm glad newer dramas are less problematic
stuff like itaewon class, for example, is progressive in so many ways
@@stonecat676 I see you have great taste
@@stonecat676you should watch a love so beautiful but the new one and it's okay to not be okay
"My love language is physical touch" *slap*
@@stonecat676 omg, I was gonna watch that but wasn’t sure, now I’m definitely gonna watch it
it's always the male lead who has "trauma" and takes it out on female lead. what if the female lead has trauma too? it's irrelevant bc her only purpose is to be pretty, forgiving and "heal" the male lead.
Its okay to not be okay kinda shows this--still a bit disturbing because the female's actions are taken lightly all because shes pretty
OMG! Yes, when I read the comments on the drama Love in sadness which actually IS about abusive marriage than the wife gets plastic surgery you will see how the fans will be so compassionate over the abuser and say that the female lead let him down and that it was her fault that he got to where is is because that is her job to calm his storm and to safe him and heal him. The guy hit her and forced himself on her and pulled out a pistol and fake shot her like WHAT? I’m assuming that these were young 14 year olds but that’s even scarier to think that they feel this way.
This is why I prefer manhwas.
At least you know in manhwas that the story is detached from reality, no matter how extreme.
@@noahi.1381 uh
@@noriii Yeah, K-dramas are also fiction. We still watch/read these in our reality where the can absolutely influence us. Art imitates life.
woman in story: **screaming for male to stop trying to kiss her**
people: *ah yes, a perfect scene for my fanfic-*
The scenes that Koreans never got over with, as of 2021:
1. Wrist grabbing
2. Pushing female to the wall
3. Forced kissing
I dont even find this romantic at all.
And jealousy scenes
And then after the actresses make their eyes wide due to shock. People's comment be like-
These actresses don't know to kiss at all. It doesn't seem natural at all
🤦🤦
@@mirroruniverse9331 i think it's because male lead do it suddenly without telling. Most of these kiss scenes are forced by ml
4) Girl gets crazy drunk and male lead finds it cute,doesnt force himself on her.Reality can be and does go different at times.
Because it isn't romantic. It is abusive. I've been watching some Japanese old dramas and of course there are a few bad scenes here and there, mostly inappropriate words to women, not always but sometimes depending on the drama but I haven't seen anything this bad.
I hate the phrase "if a boy bullies you he likes you" because it normalize abuse and toxic masculanity
This and it's the same with novels. I've read countless where a guy is just a jerk with a girl and it was because "he likes her" or "he had bad past" and i was like nah this is so toxic.
Just abuse
@@user-oo6vr1ky5f Ehh, I can kind of see the toxic masculinity. It's like saying a man isn't allowed to be outright affectionate towards you or confess his feelings in a non-aggressive way, that he has to be "manly" and tough and not show genuine emotion. Which falls under toxic masculinity.
in middle school a boy broke my arm and the elderly were laughing at the story at telling me he did it because he likes me........wtf???????......also the school just told me to ignore it cause that's what boys do)))))))
@@pandaluna1751 Yesssss.
That "boys will be boys thing".
No. Dudes need to get language classes to learn how to speak if the only way they know how to express themselves is through violence or indifference and aloofness.
Make the lead unattractive and change the music and all of a sudden it's no longer cute or funny. Ppl don't realize it was never cute or funny to begin with.
Fr
Fr
Fr
Rf
You see these scenes where less attractive villains harassing female leads and the male leads rescuing them. The only difference between the so-called male leads that those villains is that the male lead is more attractive .
I know these dramas are not real but sometimes I wonder about the life of the characters after the credits starts rolling on the screen. After the so-called “and they lived happily ever after” scene they imply at the end. How long can the fl tolerate the over controlling character of the ml?
I remember a Chinese romance where a guy throws a girls ring out into the snow and she spends hours digging through the snow to find the ring again and bring it back to him for him to love her. This video reminded me of that because I was like
1. come on, dude, why would you throw that?
2. come on, girl, why would you be that desperate? He just threw it! lol
Bossy president?💀
What the hll😃
They play with this a little bit in extraordinary you.
Search up "extraordinary you baek kyung throws rock in ocean"
(I know it's so specific)
@@samandsophia5632 in her defense she had to
@@samandsophia5632 yeah but the whole plot of the series is the FL trying to break away from the common trope of weak girl falling for the bad boy. And that scene was forced by the writer on her character, not her own choice
As an old person, and a foreigner, I have always had the idea that such behaviors in Korean Drama must in some way reflect a cultural truth about Korea. We here in America like to think it's different here. But it isn't. You describe the situations so well, and you provide visuals that make your points stick. No woman will ever "tame" an. abusive man. It just doesn't work that way. Women all over the world will recognize the truth in this. Well done!
I was thinking the same, is it tha behavior notmal in Korea or what?
For real is it? I'm so curious about that.
every time i see a CEO or any rich male lead im like: oh well, time to root for the second lead because this one is probably trash
YESS LIKE EVERY SINGLE ML LEAD MUST BE RICH AND CEO FAMILY! UGH!
while the second male lead is simple, kind, and nice person! But OFC weak, stupid, and clumsy FeMC don't need them ugghhh....
strong woman do bong soon doesn't include this. it's a great show, you should check it out if you haven't already
@@lisgoldqn yes, he’s probably the only ceo male lead who doesn’t fit into the asshole type😂
Ya fr. When they introduce a hot billionaire or a bad guy or a hot guy who bullies her in school/college....my first thought is "here u go another typical story where these hot mfs are toxic, having distrubing past the excuse for their "toxic behaviour" and mc will try to heal them but others will say how mc is a lucky girl coz the guy is hot"💀
@@lisgoldqn I am watching it currently and he is not an asshole .....yet I hope he doesn't turn into one
It's abusive tropes like these that delude young girls into thinking they can change an abusive man in a relationship with their love in real life. It never ends well.
lucky for me i got to live my early childhood and teen years with my dad as a role model
I fell for it and yea no don’t teach your children that please
I seriously hate that mindset, a person's trauma has to be dealt by them and only them a supportive s/o can only be well, supportive, and that's enough, you can't "change" anyone, you can encourage them to seek help, suport them through their journey but that's it. They are their own person who has to work put their issues and you are your own person who has your own life. Their issues are only theirs, you can't magically make them disappear through the power of LoVe.
ngl, as I was watching this I started to realize how much dating abuse I was starting to accept as normal
preach!!
I can't describe the peace I felt while watching Run On. Absolutely love the scenes where the female lead comforted and stood up for the male lead. They always supported each other and maintained their personal space.
I need that kinda relationship in my life
I like Run on too!
Run on was such a nice break from all the forcefulness that dramas usually have to progress the main couple's relationship.
@@yuanProduction What do you think about Strong woman do bong soon? And legend of the blue sea?
@@Sophia-vj8sg I enjoyed Legend of the Blue sea,it wasn't the best, but it was a good watch. Their romance was sweet and they respected each others feelings.
I remember watching 'Heirs' many years ago and people were somehow swooning over that forced closet kiss scene where the girl looked just so uncomfortable and scared. I was like "is there something I'm missing??" because there was absolutely nothing hot about that awful claustrophobic non-consensual kiss
A character getting harrassed/abused:
The music: 💖🕺💃💫💫💕✨✨
Yes . The situation and the music doesn't match at all
I literally don't understand it, e.g. when someone is being pulled forcefully the scene is played in slo-mo, the lightning is bright and there's happy music like the frick
@@alwaysricebeforeguys2343 yes and its quite disappointing
LITERALLY lmao
LMFAOO fr
It’s also interesting how the aggressive male leads become nice after dating the shy sweet girl. But the girl doesn’t gain anything from dating such a guy. He doesn’t add anything to her life other than unnecessary stress and possessiveness. He’s the only one that’s gaining anything from this forced relationship. Clearly toxic
But she has a boyfriend now.
I'm pretty sure that it's supposed to be "the jackpot"...
For the female lead they say "you are lucky" just coz she got a hot bf when in reality wtf will she gain by a toxic guy who is just GOOD-LOOKING??? He gained a lot coz he became a good person... bitch HE IS LUCKY not HER.
Now, she has the biggest treasure on earth: a man.
Yeah, because essentially she becomes a vessel of HIS humanity. The man doesn't change anything within himself, he only "improves" through taking credit for his woman's good qualities. He lives through her and consumes her empathy, generousness and a far richer inner life, while reminding her once in a while that she will be punished if she ever tries to separate from him. And all the negging is done to gaslight her into thinking that she's not good enough and no other man will take and protect her. I no longer buy the "it's just romance fiction" excuse, because it's all really similar to the tactics that abusers use on their victims in real life. The fact that girls are taught that this is romantic is kind of like collective grooming on a massive scale.
lol Ryeo
These sorts of aggressive men irl scare me to death. My mom always said, "Men, in general, have more anger than females. Men being calm is a miracle". She's right. I see it every day when I go out. It's sad really.
The reality is there is so much men like this but women will not complain if they are rich and handsome 50 shades of grey is the perfect example
@@Deliahszepinzky Alas I also see the case you mention. A lot of women are ready to tolerate anything as long as they marry the wealthy :/
So much of this. Honestly, I don't fear anything but I definitely fear the anger of a man. Because you can never tell what he may do to you or to others.
Because of high testosterone, maybe. Makes you more aggressive. I remember in my high school the boys would fight ALL the time 💀
@@Deliahszepinzky ya some girls are like that
One KDrama that made me feel very uncomfortable was "My Secret Romance." The lead couple met, had a one-night stand, then didn't meet until 3 yrs later. The female lead unknowingly accepted a job where the male lead was the big boss. When the male lead realized that she was working in his company, he started giving her unreasonable tasks that for me come really close to bullying. It was portrayed as funny and romantic because he was "in love" with her... Romantic because he was trying to hide his feelings but when he's alone. the actor would act as if he was longing for her. But in real life, all his "tactics/actions" would be considered manipulative, forceful, and disrespectful.
Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men.
This is what kdramas should be about.
So true…no st Barnard syndrome! Stop
Exacly they should go to a real therapist or psychologist.
Luckily, MOST of kdramas are like what you want, they are very egalitarian and condemn any abuse. I like that about kdramas. Few violent kdramas like Boys Over Flowers are exception rather than a rule. Except the grabbing the hand. THat is in most kdramas. But without any violent action after. kdramas are not perfect and are the best out there...
@@SpiralOnUp that is the kdramas now to say like the modern ones of 21st I think century kdramas but kdramas before were not like that
Couldn't agree more.
I think i finally found the reason why i have always been rooting for the second male lead in older romance kdramas, cuz the second male lead are often depicted as the opposite of the first male lead, more gentle, calmer, kindhearted, and more respectful towards the female lead
Yes!! This is why I liked Dream High😂😍 Suzy just really went with the Second lead (Kim Soohyun) bc the main wasn’t around🤣
@@swagwanhyung8413 Kim so hyun was the male lead in dream high...go browse their casting news
@@preciousemeka3546 SPOILERS!! yeah but how the story was is that Ok Taecyeon is the typical male lead... At the first part of the show, he was shown more and he is the Love Interest of Suzy! He is tough, fights, and her “protector”. Kim Soohyun was the second lead. Suzy wasn’t interested in him at all. He has qualities of a second lead. He is the comic relief, the kind one, and he never leaves her side.
@@preciousemeka3546 the sites were changed a lot... I remember that when it was aired everyone thought Ok Taecyeon is the male lead because he harasses Suzy basically. They had the first kiss. Only in the later episodes did Suzy like Kim Soohyun.
@@preciousemeka3546 He was the male lead but the drama kind of made it look like he was the second male lead the whole time XD
I love how they soften the toxicity of the moment by adding soft relaxing 🎹 music 🎶
The exact reason why I have second male lead syndrome. They're usually gentler, calm and naturally nice. The only reason they don't get together is because if they already did, then the drama would be cut short and considered boring.
*It is so sad that people are normalizing these behaviors*
It’s not in korea. I live in korea, and they are sooo offensive about that kind of behaviors lol
if it happen to average girl but boy is handsome peopel think its normal when some old or ugly guy do there is nothing normal it is called abuse understand especially in korea
This video. Is so so exact realistic. Everytime they suger coat the aggresive behaviour of male lead with dark past or cuteness. thank u next. Thus video is beautiful an eye opener. N yes. Women don't need a guy to protect her and persistent approach of a guy won't make her fall for you. Be strong girls. Decide what u want.
True
can u write in normal fonts
'Boys Over Flowers' was a whole ass nightmare.
The male lead bullied the female lead,assaulted her,humiliated her,forcefully kissed her,even kidnapped her.
Still this is considered as one of the best kdramas of all time!WTF!
Thank you!!! Like I thought I was the only one that found it so weird that he was such an asshole to her and it was supposed to be cute
I also didn't find it romantic in any way.
I didn't even liked that show at all. And all its versions. But trust me Taiwanese version is still the worst upto this date where the ml slaps the fl and the very next day gifts her a necklace and asks sorry and all. I just hate that show to my core.
@@deepabiju252 true i was gonna watch it but then i saw that scene on yt and i decided to not watch it
@@deepabiju252 Damn.Glad I didn't see the Taiwanese version.
I think the Chinese Version (Meteor Garden 2018) is better than others.
It has least bullying.But still some of the scenes made me uncomfortable
I recently watched Strong Woman Bong Soon and was shocked by the behavior of the second male lead. There was one scene where he was yelling at her in a hospital for disobeying his orders to stay home and not wearing the panic button he gave her. Despite the fact that this is one of the 2 strongest women in Korea and the fact that she had just saved a friend, she hung her head low took all the abuse. The second male lead was a walking red flag that she still foolishly crushed over. That was so off putting.
Thank you for this. More and more people should see this and realize that they have been brainwashed by these toxic behaviors in Kdramas and that these Kdramas have been sending the wrong messages about relationships.
This topic about abuse and victim blaming is something significant to me, because i experienced those things nearly 2 years ago. Although i wasn't physically abused and harassed, i was gaslighted and financially abused by a person who is not even worth my time and money. The victim blaming shown in this video reminded me of the time when i would get blamed and endlessly apologize for something i didn't even do. Things like "it's your fault why I've become like this" or "you're the reason why I've distanced myself from you." It was probably the most horrible thing that happened to my mental well-being in my whole entire life. I felt like I was literally going crazy. I didn't understand myself anymore, I feel trapped, I lost my self esteem. I even keep on thinking I should have never been born at all. It was that terrible. And I would never want anyone to go through something horrible and traumatic like that, but I can't control those things from happening. That's why I really wish I could become an advocate that tackles about mental abuse, victim blaming, gaslighting, etc., but it's kind of difficult to happen. So I'll just do the best i can in spreading awareness about the harsh reality of abusive men and people in general.
Lastly, if you're dating someone or considering someone to be ur s/o who shows these red flags, please please please listen to us who have experienced it. Save your heart and distance yourself from those awful men while you still can.
thanks for sharing your experince!
@@yuanProduction you're welcome! Thank you also for making this video. ❤
Everyone in the comment section praising the new female leads for being strong and protective are still re-enforcing victim blaming when they're complaining about other female leads NOT being strong. Because its the fault of these women for not protecting themselves or being weak. These women are important and yes its refreshing but not all women have it in them to be like them so these "weaker" women shouldn't be put down for it. Neither of them should be.
And tbh I don’t think the best way to show a strong new female lead is to present one that can harass ml and doing all cliches that a guy usually does to date a guy...
@@yuanProduction yeah i think they misunderstood when fans said they didn't like it. "Oh so you think the male shouldn't harass the female oh ok we'll make the female harass the male that'll be perfect." Harassment is still harassment no matter who does it to who. It just defeats the purpose. A strong female lead doesn't need to be aggressive, able to fight, or manly to be cool or a strong female lead.
Well said!! 👏 👏
I feel like these two things do not have to be mutually exclusive. Like a lot of the audience of these shows is women and it is empowering to see these women stand up for themselves and even dump the asshole. To know that you can have power in such a situation. It doesn't mean that a woman who can't stand up for herself is ever at fault.
@@mayananji yes i agree. I love seeing empowered women as much as the next girl but i also hate it when the girl is being blamed for not being 'strong'. Not all women can fight or are interested in it. Or even just being sarcastic, sassy, or tough. I'm thankful these strong female leads are being shown and they are important but women who don't have it in them to be that shouldn't be blamed for it.
Also excessively possessive male leads are NOT attractive like wtf ... she got male friends and you're gonna be effed up about THAT ??!!! All your past trauma has to be endured by the girl for what ???!! Girls ain't rehab centers for damaged men has been said so many times but these dramas jut say f off to that whole theory... a single scene like that spoils the entire drama for me and I'll not watch it no matter how popular it's said to be .. for me it'll suck :)
exactly! Girls are not some magical healing unicorns for guys to deal with their childhood traumas. Vice versa. I mean yes ppl do change and become better in a love relationship. But sometimes these dramas are going too far. But yeah I guess people wanna see some crazy tensions on tv
Exaccctly
Really?? Right now if RM would scold you , you would get @roused for sure,
Its korean culture,
@@GigiM_winx dude no i wouldn't first off having a bias is very inferior compared to liking someone and even if such a thing was done by someone i liked I'd dump their ass and move on 'cause those are the basics of self respect hope you get the idea and broaden your horizons ... and if you're still not satisfied then there's nothing i can do to help you because helping or dealing with people who have messed up their very concept of self love and deserved respect under the pretense of any culture is not my responsibility.
@@GigiM_winx it being culture doesn't make it okay
I remember one of my friends told me that she wanted a relationship like in boys before flower because she thought it was cute and nice. I told her that their relationship is toxic and abusive but she didn't believe me. She said he did that because he loves her. I cringed so hard.
My friend doesnt even watch kdramas but has lived the toxic love story.We are 40 yr olds now but back at college she was banned from keeping a cell phone,couldnt go out for meals/movie/shopping or talk to boys in our class.She was also slapped numerous times but as per her it was all cz he loved her.😟😣.They got married.
I couldnt understand her and decided to discontinue the friendship 🙌🏼.Dint want to be part of the madness
That's my friend she watchs BL and loves those r3pe and toxic stuff
@@mitsume_slay I watch bls too but I like suspense thriller type dramas not all fluff no stuff dramas..
tbh before watching this video, i used to see these behaviors and interactions as cute, more specifically the wrist pulling. But after seeing this i came to realize, as the video says, that these are abusive behaviors. This has also made me realize that abusive behaviors aren't always out there. Some behaviors are obvious, like hitting or pulling someone, and then there are subtle ones like making a remark or playfully harassing someone. Thank you for making this video this has really opened my eyes. I hope when i get into a relationship that i will be able to see these behaviors as signs and criticize my partner.
“I can change him.”
“Yeah change him into an MMA Fighter.”
LMAO
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣
This comment wins hahahah
LMAO
Y'all, if you don't like male leads for being abusive but you still praise the female leads who give off the same toxic traits and vibes, nothing really changed. Man or woman, toxicity and abuse have no gender.
@YohanMaxi i agree some “strong” female lead are sometimes abusive too, they would constantly kick or punch the ml or males as a “joke”. i never felt comfortable with using violence as a form of joke because i dont rlly think it’s that funny
Omg yes I hate when the "" badass """ female always slap the male lead for no reason damn
For real. Yes the recent drama have changed as we don’t see aggressive Male lead but we get aggressive female lead because they are Queen. Writer really just give what the public want
YES EXACTLY
It's so true, on Chesse in the trap bouth are so toxic, is so horrible to see
I like when the female leads actually stand up for themselves in school, at work and when in a relationship
This is why I love Vincenzo and Strong Woman DBS, it’s one of the few Kdrama I can find that doesn’t have a toxic relationship. There relationship is about empowering each other, and being kind and gentle.
I honestly like new dramas. The female leads are intense. They will totally rip you apart if you try to force them😂
AGREE. The ones that I hate the most are Boys Over Flowers and Playful Kiss
Agree. Love the new storylines these days. I stopped watching many old dramas mid way because of these issues.
That's abuse too
@@joshua_here5849 If they will hit you if you are "forcing" them, like OP said, then that is self-defense. However, if a female lead behaves like an abusive male lead, that is abuse too. Not many would agree with me but, Ko Moo Young in "It's okay to not be okay" was also very manipulative and abusive. Her personality disorder may explain why she was like that, but that doesn't make her behavior romantic.
@@shreejatadas9922 you can Jun ji hyuns role in My Sassy girl too, like the film is domestic violence and torture being normalised
In my opinion the part of the trope where "the guy becomes a better person because the female lead changed them" is the most dangerous part of it all...
I have met way too many girls who believe this type of shit can happen and then think that enduring this type of abuse is a way of showing love. No, girl, showing love is sending this guy to a therapist, and this is showing love to both yourself and to the guy.
I agree completely! Women cannot change men! Only when the men want to change for themselves and to be a better person then they can. But if they don’t want to change they won’t no matter how hard a girl thinks she can try to “help” or “fix him” It’s that toxic thought of “oh he will change for me because he loves me and I love him and I’ll make him into a better person.” Umm no use your common sense and leave them be.
^ learned this the hard way.. COUGHmyfirstloveCOUGH
Exactly
I agree
So true. If you don’t draw the line, why should he ever feel the need to change?
Male lead: I love her
Also male lead: LET ME ABUSE HER!!!!
When i was younger i watched playful kiss and around this time i had just started going to secondary school. I started crushing on a boy who was arrogant cold hearted and rude (basically showing similiar characteristics of the male lead in playful kiss) and i thought this was normal and that if i acted stupid and overly happy (like how most of the females in these kdramas are depicted) he would sooner or later start to like. BIGGEST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I really hope that they change the ways that couples are supposed to act in these kdramas because this is just not a positive representation to young girls (and boys) as to how they should approach their own relationships in the future.
It's so manipulative that they have good-looking actors portray abusive boyfriends. It's like saying that if he's hot, he's not bad or creepy, just "troubled" and you need to fix him with your love 🤦♀️
Yessss
very good analysis. Indeed you will often see in K drama this kind of scenario with or without physical abuse but stalking for example. If the guy is good looking the girl should submit and love him because deep down he is a good lad. Proofs : he is handsome what other proof do you need. The social statue has his importance too, the handsome abusive guy must be richer and have a higher social status so if the abused girl complain everybody will insult her saying that she doesn't know what love is and how lucky she is. At that moment the girl is trapped, she would have to show an aspect of human personality ( confidence ) that people who watch those drama do not associate with a feminine personality.
I am psychologue but I was abused by my father, as were my mother and older brother. You may imagine how I feel when I watch those kdrama ( before judging you need to watch it) and I was even more destabilized when I noticed that many people found that romantic or cute. On the other side which means the reality discovering that many girls were raped during a first date, or bullied for not being pretty or fat and also seeing that the media were relaying those offensive act as something normal and that seeing abuse in those behaviors was just the outside world not being able to understand and respect their culture. That's pretty mest up. I lived in Asia and had the possibility to visit Korea, Jap etc.many times...the number of young women with the protection put on the nose after a plastic surgery was insane. And don't think that becoming older will gives more authority ho no far from this. Women are expected to serve their family has to were clothe that reflect their age, so you won't be able to wear what you really want and even your haircu has to change when you get married, then when you have a child and when you become grand parent. A lot of women of my age were laughing at me because of my style, I didn't care at least I didn't look like 1000% of the population and being different is my trademark ) but it gives you an idea on how people keep this abusive behaviors toward womenn go on.
PS: I am French-speaking so I may have made mistakes in my writing sorry about that.
This mindset made my younger years a living hell. Putting the hottie on a pedestal and accepting shitty behavior for a lot of years. Not anymore though.
this is exactly the case in Nevertheless, many viewers did not see how manipulative the ML is
I think in a way, that depending on how you look at it also shows that even pretty boys/men can be abusive. Just because they do not 'look' evil doesn't mean that they can not be evil.
The romanticisation of abusive relationships is dangerous to the real girls and woman that watch and place those types of relationships on a golden pedestal.
I think that there is a fine line between portraying an abusive relationship to create awareness of these types of relationships and just out right romanticising it.
We should definitely keep talking about this and these important issues.
Please know that you are not responsible for doing the work to heal another’s trauma. That’s their own work to do.
yes exactly! It’s dangerous to think that you can heal someone, make someone a better person in the relationship! No matter you are a girl or a boy
What is that person is my father? what if I want to fix my father
@@aira6951 You can try and communicate with him, make some efforts, but you can’t really heal or fix him, it’s his job. The most you can do is probably be there for him and communicate the issues you see.
@@aira6951 All we can really do is extend some sort of help. We can’t expect them to accept it. Healing is always and forever will be something you seek. Just because you’re offered help doesn’t mean you are ready to face your own demons. This doesn’t make them a bad person, but everyone’s story is different and should be honored on their own terms and time. I also want to stress knowing and honoring your own boundaries. You peace should not be at risk because of another persons wrong doing. Good luck! ❤️
@@aira6951 I had the same idea like you, until last year. As perfect as people see my family is, each person has trauma that we struggled to move on from. And for my parents, I thought that it was my responsibility to heal them, *but that is very wrong.* It was not my place to _heal_ them. I ended up exhausting myself mentally and emotionally.
Your father must _want_ that change for *himself,* before he could properly start the healing journey. Only then that you could _support_ him on the side throughout *his efforts* towards the betterment.
In my case, I must not take part in any of their process, because when I did, they just straightaway dumped the responsibility to me. I would end up accommodating their excuses instead of us individually improving towards a better lifestyle. This had scarred me more than I come to admit, the accumulated stress has become a trauma itself that I continue to struggle healing all by myself.
I hope for the best in your journey, and I pray for you an unwavering strength 🌸 may the future shine brighter for you and your beautiful soul.
Most of kdramas show male lead full of attitude, pride initially, and then later are potrayed as the most gentle and affectionate men ever...
In the last 10 years or so a lot of young women died in domestic violence and acid attacks in the hands of they violent boyfriend or husband, we the fan and viewers must protest and fight against terrible relationships Dynamics and safe the next generation of female from seeing these dramas as healthy. First step is recognising. Thank you very much for you educating us all and please continue with your good work. God bless you
Protests are for weaklings who can't fight
That’s one of the many reasons why i didnt like boys over flowers when it came out smh. I was a kid but all i saw was a boy bullying a girl into like him back.
Meteor Garden taiwanese series as well
yess i used to like boys over flower since it was my first drama, but when I rewatched it again I realized how messed up it is actually,. i was so disappointed when the female lead didn't end up with the second male lead.
Me too.
yeah and dont forget how cringey it was.. 1 girl surrounded by many boys lol as if it'll happen in real life 😂😂
exactly i never liked boys over flowers either ..why the hell do people like these kind of abusive stuff
"Something in the rain" is too shocking. When you are sexually assaulted, you would expect your s/o to support and understand you... "why are you scared of trash like him?" bc he's stalking and physically attacking her ??? unbelievable!
Agree😔
In something in the rain the girl doesn't stay in the toxic relationship far as I remember
That one made me the angriest. How could someone ever ask that question? She got stalked and assaulted, and he has the audacity to ask her why she would be scared of him?! Of course it's scary!
I think this show is not the best example. Jun Hui along with Jin-a's brother go to confront that ex-bf/stalker guy because he was harassing Jin-a. Also, this drama also portrays workplace harrassment in a very real way. So maybe this show is not that toxic.
Actually, I think that misses the point of the drama. It tries to be realistic, and his reaction is, most of us were blamed in such situations. The other ones are filled with cliches. i even recommend watching one night of spring, from the same author. She tries to portray prejudices an abuse without flinching away from the topic by making it clear that it's not the girl's fault. She tries to make it so blunt and in your face that it leaves you astonished to a whole lot of abuses that are commonplace in asian life.
and dont forget that kdrama target very young age group of fans who have yet to understand the difference between love and manipulation abuse
That's right
This is an important video. I love K dramas, but have often been uncomfortable with the controlling, condescending and aggressive behaviors of some of the male leads. Thank you for bringing this to the attention of viewers, especially young women and girls who can easily be drawn into romanticizing and even desiring this kind of behavior from their partners, viewing it as a sign of love and devotion.
This is probably why I have second lead syndrome. The second lead is always the kind and caring guy and the main lead is abusive and even tho hot, usually abusive.
Exhibit A : Jihoo from Boys over Flower 😭 I liked him so much and he was so kind and caring
im currently watching this show called my shy boss and yeah just like the title says its about a male boss being shy but his workers think hes abusive, manipulating, prick and not caring...and thats not the case, the main lead whos is female mad at him for a car crash now works for him...there are some conflicts and crazy parts but its quite nice the boss likes the girl who is also his fav actress.....its quite nice to see a not a dominate male all the time..like it, hes a gentleman
yeah everybody keep saying that and when it happened I meant second lead won in Love Romance people hate it, because Sun Oh was cute
My exact feelings over Romance is a Bonus Book
@@harinder13137 oh god ty for the recommendation.
I'd like to add that some of the kdramas these days add tropes like mc's mother who is considered "dominant" and the father to be "soft" or so and its seen that she always hits him or verbally abuses him and these are all scenes shown as "comic relief" when its still abuse.
True. Female characters are toxic too in many ways(like yesoh of itaewon class) but they are appreciated equally like these male leads.
SO TOXIC UGH!
Exactly what I was thinking, one example being convenience store saet byul
True I'm rewatching something in the rain and the mom in it is so abusive to everybody espically her daughter
True! Abuse knows no gender!
I remember I was watching Cheese in the Trap and I never finished it but my friend and I didn't miss how manipulative the male lead is.
Also how the female lead, despite all her struggles and frustrations, never win in an argument against him because somehow, there's always something bigger that presents itself or he somehow manages to evade the topic or switch the focus to her problems.
It is nice that he helped take care of some of her problems so she doesn't have to struggle as much but we didn't like that whenever he is confronted with something that is potentially his fault, he always manages to avoid it. It's super unfair for the female lead and it's just sad that even in her relationship, which should be an escape from the world that is constantly bashing her down, she still has little to no control.
Edit: I also HATE when they try to make it seem like the guy being cold and heartless, like how the video shows the guy leaving the girl on the road after dangerously driving, is a romantic thing. It makes it seem like the emotional female leads are the ones in the wrong or they're overreacting.
I never understood the hand pulling, the head petting, the yelling, and there’s even child abuse. Like why do you even need to touch a woman? It’s not cute, it’s abuse, and in the states you’d get charged with violence.
I- how can anyone see FORCEFUL KISSING and b like ...dam thats hot???????
Edit: jesus I didnt even realise people were liking this comment
For real! I always have to walk away or drop the show entirely because uH NOT CUTE?!? Very very scary, especially when you see the lead either shocked or struggling because they don’t want to be dragged, pushed against a wall and have someone’s face pressed against them so hard leaving no point of escape...very much psychical harassment
BOYS OVER FLOWERS. I hated Lee Minho's character from beginning to end. Force kissing, even when dating, is unacceptable.
That one scene from boys over flowers where he was force kissing was so uncomfortable and disgusting 😀✋
as a kid i was so confused
For one it’s because the actors are attractive & letting pretty people get away with things, secondly it’s the idea of getting pursued or ravished. This isn’t to justify IRL sexual abuse however. It’s a fantasy vs. reality thing also.
You left out Playfull Kiss, seeing the way the female lead is treated by the male lead is cringy and it makes me mad.
You are right. Hahhahah I watched the Korean one, the Japanese one and Taiwanese one. Every time when I watch it, I hate the male lead lol The Taiwanese one is a bit better cause it has more episodes so it kinda massaged it
Yes it gets on my nerves while the second make lead is the perfect guy but she doesn’t even recognize it while he continues to play with her feelings but harassing her I don’t understand that
@@boboplasthegameblue i was rooting for the second male lead so much when I was watching this drama. I think the female lead should punch the male lead and leave him for good lololololol
The real actor in the Korean one has been brought up on multiple abuse charges against his ex girlfriend
The ML treated her like trash. I wonder she still married him
5:00 its crazy how the music makes such a huge difference in my perception, you showed the scene without the scene and that was horrifying to me then I heard the music and I felt my brain seeing it as cute.
Finally a video that showcases Korean drama’s toxicity
not all dramas are toxic though
i was pinned against the wall in front of the entire class when i was in college by some dude and he wouldnt stop staring at me and i was so fricking uncomfortable.. i tried pushing him and crawling away but he would hold me it wasnt as romantic as how kdramas framed it at all..
Thanks for sharing! I wish more ppl could share their own stories to tell the public that this kind of behaviour is not romantic at all.
My friend cried when a dude she was arguing with pinned her to the wall. She was angry, furious, at first and then just broke down crying after the danger passed. Till this day, I don't understand why that dude do it.
It was on my last year of middle school.
Yuck
Creepy and cringey! Wow sorry you went through that, that guy sounds psychotic
Someone did same thing to me in college, i slid down the wall shifted myself under his arm while staring at him. Students laughed and he never bothered me again. I hate this trope
People love those type of things in kdrama until it happens to them.
*Thanks for the likes everyone* 👏👏👏
Also I never said the movies/ series aren't good or you shouldn't watch it😑😑 I was talking about the crazy behaviors of the men in them , the stalking / following and abusive behavior because youths would see this and romanticized about having a relationship like that
Fr those abusive or yandere, possessive, psycho relationships are not funny. As soon as you experience it, its a whole diffrent image.
👍
Fully agree. We may watch it on the screen since it is a fiction. But I would not like to experience it in real life. This is not romantic behaviour at all.
Most people wouldn’t notice it until the abuser is ugly
ur pfp really fit this truthful comment
they like treating grown up women like little children, they looove it
Vincenzo and Hong Cha Young had the healthiest relationship PERIODT
Agree 100x
yeah
They started out as coworkers to somehow lovers
Even if this was mafia the relationship was still good and less abusive or somehow dominant to the female lead cause again its not really a romantic drama its again the mafia drama
They worked together so good if it was love or work stuff
Things that have to change in kdramas:
1) romanticising abusive relationship
2) excusing toxic behaviour due to broken families
3) childhood sweethearts that somehow remember each other 20 years later, as if like u can rmb what you did when you were four
+ that stupid breaking up and getting back together after a (few) year(s). Like realistically, who wouldn't have moved on?
last one is okay ? it just makes it wholesome??? and others needs to be changed yup
@@disha21_ bruh no Women aren't therapist for broken men
@@musicchannel4453 no they’re talking about the childhood friends one is okay and it seems rather harmless. It’s fine if it’s done correctly, but the other traits need to go-
IM DEAD NUMBER 3 IS SO FUNNY BUT SO TRUE LMAO
I hated that they ended up together in Boys Over Flowers. He did NOT deserve her. I wanted her to be with the Violinist. 🙄
In all of those versions I watched I was really confused every time the male lead would do something to the female lead the gang F4 wouldn’t say anything they just stood there silent then started walking away with the male lead. Sometimes they scuff and laugh too it’s weird. Well I’m glad this was brought to my attention I was in the majority of ones blinded by the “romance”
Exactly the Taiwan version was as bad as well the force kissing was just ugh even the Korean version was not it, I don't really understand how my parents saw it as cute it was disgusting to watch
@Khyarra Alexei Telmo
Ji hoo is a baby 🥺
I didn't want her with any of them. Those other three were just as bad.
this video is extremely well made. props to you, creator!
in boys over flowers, the male lead let the whole school assault and try to LITERALLY KILL the female lead. yet it was romanticized and portrayed as an act of the male lead liking the female lead. it is still considered as one of the best dramas of all time, like damn bro??? they were committing crimes.
another thing is when the male leads are controlling and manipulating, which is "jealousy" and "being sweetly overprotective". the male lead does not own the female lead, freedom should be a must in all relationships.
also, in its okay not to be okay, the roles are typically reversed (i haven't completed the show yet) but during the first 6 episodes, the femal lead was really possessive and was touching the man without his consent. im trying to think of a drama where there are none of these problems. in weightlifting fairy kbj, i thought "wow this must be a great drama" until i remember the ml force kissed the fl at HER WORK.
edit:maybe cloy!?!? dunno i cant think of anything
See run on ❤
The bullying in the original manga version is worse. It's the same, but slightly worse. One of them tried to rape the main character.
It's high time to understand that aggressiveness does not equate masculinity . .
It’s so weird that in so many dramas the female lead has two options the attractive but completely possessive and abusive one or the respectful, nice, funny and a bit less attractive one and she still thinks about who she gonna pick like girl?😂
And sometimes the second guy is more attractive (She Was Pretty) but the fishhook of childhood love is in deep. I actually think that it might be less of a choice than it might seem. Don’t they use these behaviors mixed with occasional kindness to eventually create a sort of Stockholm syndrome sort of response? The second lead has no chance because she’s too overwhelmed by the first lead’s theatrics and mistaking the suspension bridge effect for real love. Pretty problematic.
@@Akane1313 true
okay so put your head on my shoulder is not a k drama but its a 7.5 the worst thing he does is help her mom enforce the contract never forcefully tho
There is another coming-of-age one where the male lead shouts at the female lead (when they grow up) and I always found that problematic. Never really finished watching the series. Even forgot the title. She was also engaged to someone I think and he threw her ring in the nearest lake. He had to look for it to "make up" for what he did and it serves him right.
Being handsome and attractive are two different things to me so if the second lead is respectful, nice and funny he's attractive jshdks
Say it with me: “ Too much protection is suffocation and control “.
@@npcimknot958 Yes.
Yes
@@npcimknot958 yes
@@npcimknot958
Yes!
Yesss I've always found it so cringey when I've watched male leads get violent since I was little. As I got older I realised it's because it's abuse. Sooo glad you made this video! I do enjoy watching kdramas but hate all the emotional and physical abuse in it. I think this is a great video in terms of raising awareness :) thank you!!
Ngl just from watching these short clips alone made me scared asf 💀
THE AMOUNT OF SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT I FEEL IN FORCED KISSING SCENES AND WHEN THEY PUSH THE GIRL TO THE WALL
AA SAME EWW
SAME
SAMEE
SAME. I just watched a clip from the drama "Meteor Garden" where the male lead pins her to the wall and kisses her with force and literally abuses her.😭 I dk what to do anymore.
If someone did that to me I be like *pushes the aggressive guy* and then kicking him in the balls done 😂😂😂
I’m actually so happy with the new kdramas in 2020 and 2021 most of them have strong female leads who don’t tolerate abuse
Same
And they also need to start adding more gentleman and kind hearted male lead who actually respected women
@@myrashamer13 in this aspect I think the best one so far was Run On like I’ve never seen such a healthy relationship in a kdrama like that
@@hindq.6842 Ohh im gonna check on that later, thanks for your recommendation! The last time i actually watch kdrama were sky castle and the penthouse. Those types of genre are the only one i can keep on watching these days 😂
@@myrashamer13 I like those genres too 😂😂 especially sky castle and stranger those two are my favorite so far but Run On is sooo good even tho I don’t really watch lovey dovey shit 💀 it’s soo worth it
I don't usually comment, but I think that more people should see this
What I can garner is that how k-drama romantises how real korean man are.
Bollywood has also entered the chat
Edit: It seems like the formula of toxic romance movies and shows are shared throughout asia (from my observations)
Here in the philiphines the showbiz is romanticizing mistresses and cheating i find this very toxic knowing this can ruin lives and the family but for other people this is enterraining for them but knowing cheating is illegal in the philliphines i find this troupe disgusting
@@cyberpunkfashionblyawesome it was made bc people want to bash the mistress but they accidentally encouraged mistresses to flirt with married men and vice-versa.
@@cyberpunkfashionblyawesome very true. I hated it so much. I hope pati yung iba pang hindi magandang iromantize gaya ng bullying, abusing, sexism, rape, kidnap etc ay matigil na in whole Asia
Ha look at Mexican dramas need to get to the max
*ah*
I still can’t believe how the main couple in Boys Over Flowers ended up together. Like that man physically & verbally abused her.
I stopped watching that drama after episode - 9 or so because it was too uncomfortable for me.
As years passed the versions got softer, but I would like to remind you that in the Japanese version (Hana Yori Dango) the scene where the lead sends guys to assault the female lead are vastly different. In BOF he tells them to do something severe but then throws shit at them when he finds out they were going to rape her. In the HYD the main leads TORTURES the guys so he can force them to rape her..... I swear if it wasn't for the nostalgia factor this drama should have been banned.
@@simonarattu7230 what fuuuuccckkkk
@@simonarattu7230 i even misspelled my comment from the shock, how did they air this crap?
yeah, why didn't she end up with the other guy who was much nicer to her and who she had real chemistry with? I felt so bad for him
This is a very good breakdown and analysis
Put a different background music under these scenes and you'll get a whole new story.
goshh this is so true
was just gonna comment this!
lol
Jeez, you're right, you'll get a thriller/ or horror if you were to put in some chilling music.
F
Unfortunately abuse is also normalized in popular American films like Indiana Jones and Twilight too. I started watching foreign films like Boys over Flowers when I was a teen and I thought it was normal especially since I experienced abuse in my own home and outside of my home and now I realized it was wrong. I didn’t realize that it was NOT normal until I had a mental breakdown in college and went to therapy.
Same
@@npcimknot958 yes it is I see people my age say they want an abusive boyfriend because it is thrilling and fun
Glad you're doing better now
@@zannys5133 I agree with both you, I feel like American media doesn’t romanticize this behavior as widely as Kdramas do, but theres literally a trend on tik tok rn where ppl say they want a toxic s/o 🤦♀️
@@a.j.w9992 and also on wattpad there are stories that glorify abusive/toxic relationship
Boys Over Flowers was the first kdrama I ever saw, and I still remember not being thrilled that they ended up together. I just couldn't move on from how horribly he treated her. It deeply irked me. I try to imagine rewatching it now and I don't know if I could watch to the end
I don't even know why female lead choose abusive male lead At the end when the second male lead always respect her and love her.
And it’s worse when they show the second lead as the perfect guy because I get so mad at the lead woman like “DO YOU NOT SEE HOW AMAZING HE IS???”
EXACTLY like clearly 2nd guy is the better option!
EXACTLY!
In chinese version of "a love so beautiful" the second lead is literally goals for a woman. He was really sweet and truly loved the girl ..however the girl ended up choosing the main lead who was really cold to her and didn't care about her until second lead appears.
@@litlifes3278 and people still love the male lead with the lead girl more smh
boys over flowers, yoon ji hoo the second lead was so much sweeter, truly loved the girl, and was an actual good person. the main ml on the other hand let the school assault, humiliate, ruin her family, ruin her reputation and try to kill her, but still got the fl in the end????
No one ever mentions the prevalence of physical abuse that female characters also dish out on male characters, usually when she’s annoyed or angry with him. She will most often kick him, but might also slap him, pull his hair or ears, etc. It is most often played for laughs. It is just as toxic. The only show where I’ve ever seen this addressed is in Strong Woman Do Bong Soon. It’s suspected that her mother has beaten up her father (though it’s not the case), and her mother’s friends say it’s not okay, but even there it’s still kinda played for laughs, it takes them a really long time to say anything, and honestly the whole dynamic of her mother and father is problematic. Look, if it’s not okay if a man does it to a woman, then it’s not okay if done in the reverse either. It doesn’t matter if women are on average less physically strong. It’s still abusive.
TRUEEEE
Stop bringing up "what about the men" as if people don't already care about men way more than women
@@DollfaceLizkah That’s simplistic. I am talking about true equality here. I don’t care more about men than women, but equally I don’t care more about women than men. People are people, and everyone should be treated well. All of the behaviours by men towards women addressed in the video are toxic and need to stop. Absolutely. But ALSO, the toxic behaviours displayed by women towards men need to stop as well. Saying this does not detract from the first issue, and I said it because there were already many other comments here about how toxic behaviour by men should be addressed, but at the time of original comment, no one had said anything about the reverse. That is all. I would rather not live in a world where it’s okay to treat someone badly because of their gender, regardless of what that gender is.
Ikr! did anyone watch Pent House where this wife slapped her husband?! I was- sooo angry when I see that.
Absolutely true, any form of abuse is never okay to play for laughs...
Thank you for making this video, it's something that has been on my mind for so long.
i’m SO GLAD someone finally addressed this.
I think the biggest issue is there is no balance between the Sexes. The Females are betrayed too weak and meek, instead of capable and strong. While the Males are portrayed as too aggressive, making behavior like controlling and possessive normal, instead of promoting positive behaviors like protective, caring and chivalrous... It makes me said this is the world we live in.
But now there are shows like hotel del Luna and it’s okay to not be okay where the female lead is really strong. Also startup, strong woman do bong soon, the last empress, weight lifting fairy, eternal monarch. We see this issue much more in the older shows like around the time of boys over flowers and playful kiss
Because in biology we are physically weak and emotional 😭
@@dontknow4995 it’s okay to not be okay was so uncomfortable to watch
@@tc-zl5rs Oh how was it uncomfortable? I haven't really seen it, but I've seen clips and some parts of the episodes, and it seems pretty good?
@@desertmoonlee6631 I think they mean strong minded and also some women are stronger than men uno
Record of Youth put scenes where the man ask for the woman's permission before they have an intense kiss. The man also scold his friend for grabbing a woman's hand. They also put the scene where the manager confused because the boys didn't punch each other when they have argument. They break up in a very clear conversation without yelling, forcing kiss, or grab hands. And more. Unfortunately, some people are getting used to these types of korean romance so they thought it's boring to see this drama.
wow, i didnt et pass 2 eps because i thought it was boring, maybe i should give it another try
@@toucanpam5036 it's a slice of life drama. It will goes slowly with their character development. So many different genres for k-drama and it could possibly not fit with your taste. But I recommend you to give it a try ☺
@@personaljourney5142 Yeah, i might try and watch again, just to get away from all the other toxic dramas, for example i started watching meteor garden but had to stop when the ml literally sexually assaulted the fm
@@personaljourney5142 Also, do you have a my drama list account, if so id like to add you to my friends list, my username is report_frog.
@@toucanpam5036 no, I don't have one. Thank you for sharing your account, maybe I have to consider to make that one 😊
This is one of the most well thought out and important essays that I've seen in a while 🤗 I sincerely hope
that the people who most need these insights take them to heart.
wow i thought i was very conscientious on this topic but i didn't recognize several more subtle behaviors. Excellent video.
This is why I loved strong girl bong soon because the male lead was not abusive or rude and was even like able for once, the male lead loved how strong the female lead was Since the beginning and they were actually a pretty good couple🥰
That's one of my favorite dramas!
Strong girl bong soon is the drama that made me start watching korean dramas it was just sooo perfect 😢
The main leads were not problematic. They r my fav couple(my fav drama so far) but fl's mom was really abusive though. They way she treated bong soon, her husband, just.....too.... Abusive. She's always either physically abusive or verbally. Who in the world asks ur own child to sleep with someone else. Just to name one of her abusive char. But yes still will be my fav drama, cause minmin-bongbong😍😍
SAME!
its a great kdrama, if you rewatch it though you'll notice that the male lead uses the phrase ''i'll protect you'' very often. still its better than other ones i guess
As much as physical abuse is ignored in kdramas, I think the amount of emotional abuse is also alarming. There are a lot of dramas where I never felt glad for the main leads' so called "happy ending" because of how toxic or unhealthy their relationship is. Back then, I would watch dramas until the end even though I clearly felt uncomfortable with a lot of scenes but now, I don't care if I don't finish it!
I swear if I don't like the drama I don't bother finishing
same I have tons of dramas that I never finish
Yasssssss! I used to say that life is too short for bad dramas, but now I would say, life is too short for toxic dramas.
Same I am so picky with it, I will drop a drama quick now
100% agree i will never root for a couple that stems from toxicity
Thank you for shining a spotlight on this!! Much needed. I hope the entire movie industry (in Korea) can see this. And that they will understand the damaging effect it can have on the dating habbits of the youth.
I just hate the forced kissing, pushing to the wall ,bullying, rejection of the 2nd lead who is nicer and girls becoming pretty to be accepted by the male leads etc
Force pulling is such a common thing and it's horrible. My father used to do it when we had a fight and I decided to not engage in his childish bs anymore. He'd grab my arm hard and to this day I remember the feeling. I felt weak and helpless because no matter how much I struggeled, I couldn't break free. Nobody should feel like this, ever.
I get how you feel, my brother is almost 10 years older than me and he did that when I was a kid
A more recent and popular example is Suho from True Beauty. The way he follows her everywhere, the time that he went to the mall where she was with Seojun and tried to drag her out, the way that he gets angry at her when she is with other guys (even when they are not dating), when he told her to quit her job because he was jealous, and overall they way that he always he felt entitled to her because he liked her first. Some people may try to excuse him but I think it is important that we recognize those subtle things small red flags to look out for in real life relationships.
Hmm, I think this is a bit exaggerated since it was supposed to be a character who was immature (all of the characters were immature since it was a high school drama). Suho grew out of that. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure they portrayed him this way to convey a high school immature mindset. However, I do find wrongs in the stalking. That creeped me out. We need to differentiate between dramas and real life. Both are drastically different and should be treated drastically different, however, some people can’t tell between those two. Reality and fiction.
Seojun was so much better and understanding
Was this the live action?? Suho is completely different in the webtoon, he’s really passive and doesn’t really bother her. Even when she was dating Seojun, he accepted it and left her alone most of the time, and only helped her out as a friend whenever she needed it.
Nah for me, both character Suho & Seojun are red flags in the beginning. Suho being possessive to her, stalking & Seojun toying her bc of Suho and even told him to meet his dead friend in the afterlife. But I'm glad there are character developments & they finally figured things out, Suho apologized to Jug & Seojun apologized to Suho.. they changed & became better in the end :)
@Yohannie idc about the webtoon. We are talking about the Drama here
Thanks for making this video. You mentioned few dramas in here which were my favorites and now I am reassessing.
You made so many valid and insightful comments! I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I think as a young woman who didn't understand and was a bit afraid of my sexuality, I found things like this titillating. I grew up reading American romance novels full of the exact types of violence. As an adult woman who's been married almost 30 years, I enjoy KDramas, but I confess, every time a man grabs a woman by her arm, or slams his arm over her head and traps her, I'm wondering why she isn't fighting back instead of finding it romantic. Of course, I'm also a survivor, so that may color my view a bit as well, but brilliant job. Preach on!!❤❤❤❤
Abusive tendencies + cutesy music = 💗 romance 💗
Fr
This. 🤧🤧
In reality= no
In Korea*
honestly the amount of grabbing, forced kissing, slapping... it's disgusting and very unromantic
literally as you said, they portray it like 'even though they hurt me, I'll learn to love them eventually'
this is giving me 365 days trauma all over again oh god
And a sequel will be releasing soon! Lord please no-
The drama?
@@o.m9514 the movie where the ml kidnaps the fl and they “fall in love”
Tbh it’s this prevalent theme and attitude in kdramas is probably one of the reasons I don’t watch many. I tried to get into some but either the story wasn’t compelling or the romance was toxic...if anyone knows of any really good ones, I’d love to give them a chance.
@@emotionaldamage9894 no need to worry. They aren't ending up in the novel.
She miscarries, he starts to rape her several time and beat her, she cheats without thinking that she cheats, he goes to therapy, tries to improve and tries to become clean; she cheats again ( she basically cheats throughout the book), divorces that guy and marries and gets pregnant with the guy she cheated with.
I need to add that the guy she marries is a stalker but it's portrayed of him "protecting" her and him "being flirty".
Ah and he has the same name like a Mexican snack even though he is Spanish LOL
And all this shit happens in the last book. She is basically with the first guy throughout two fricking books
Abuse is abuse no matter what.
This was very enlightening. Thank you so much for posting.🎉
but kdramas now are way better and more good
The boys that ended up liking me always bullied me, but I use to think it was sweet, because the media I grew up with romanticized that behavior. But now when I have a guy do that to me, who supposedly likes me, I just feel sad and disrespected, because if he likes me why does he want me to feel bad about myself?
Break up with him as soon as possible girl. BE SAFE. YOU DESERVE BETTER
@@sokinora9021 we're not dating but thanks for the advice☺️
@@fp4093 glad to hear. Be happy😊
Same but in a different way. I had a friend in the third grade who bullied a girl he liked. He would pull her hair and steal her chair, but I just thought it was normal because I thought that’s what boys do to the girls they like. I was being told this by actual adults and tv shows, they said that boys bully girls they like to get them to notice them. And I just accepted it. (Im very gullible) As a high school student I now know it is wrong and I should’ve told him to stop.
He probably wants you to feel insecure enough to settle with him. Classic negging tactic.