The INFJ: A Uniquely Misunderstood Type
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
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This also plays out very differently between the sexes. The emotion and mystery of an INFJ sits much more easily in females than males imo. Females are generally ‘meant’ or expected to be mysterious and dreamy. Males are expected to be decisive and concrete and to know what they want and how to get it. This INFJ males are often perceived and act as if they are ineffective and weak and directionless. The irony and saving grace is that we have a special skill set, which is mostly invisible and undervalued.
One problem with the world is an expectation that everything can be sorted by quick means - quick conversations, short explanations etc. most problems these days require deep, nuanced solutions. This can mostly only come in books.
Yes, when we are thought to be lesser than we are, it triggers our lack of Fi. It can make us doubt ourselves. It also usually annoys us and can lead to not being valued for what we are. This can lead to a lonely life. This is one reason understanding what it means to be an INFJ is so important; it explains the misunderstandings and our own self doubt and lack of self understanding, which is all quite a toxic mix. I always felt in life that I was not being given a fair deal by most other people. I kept trying to understand the world and other people, and more and more came to realise that my insights were often true and important, even if others can’t see it.
100%
Great video! 💖
As I was watching, I thought, "Ah-hah, that makes sense." When interacting with others, there was a pain in my heart if they misinterpreted my words, therefore painting me in a light not congruent with my intentions nor how I viewed myself.
I experienced this near desperation to align outer image with inner a lot more because of immaturity, an absence of security in self, when I was younger (read: a few years ago). If someone misconstrued my words, as harmful especially, it left me so distressed. I didn't realise clearly until now that it was because I want congruity between the inside and outside.
Being around other types has helped me in the process of learning how others may perceive and understand me is not always my responsibility. I can't force others to see me in the certain way I feel myself to be.
Aaah, I just never thought it could be Fe that makes me feel the twisting sensation and hurt in response. It felt shameful not easily being able to let go. Does this frustration apply to being misread in behaviour? Others like to make assumptions and black & white judgements based off limited or misinterpreted knowledge.
I think you're right about identifying with being misunderstood, coming to peace with it, can be a coping mechanism.
Finally, as another commentor touched on, lacking confidence in self (weaker Fi?) makes the misunderstandings more inwardly painful. The cognitive dissonance makes me doubt myself, my thoughts, and understanding of self. "Maybe that person is right," though, there's always a little part of me still who "knows" I saw it truly or genuinely.
Fe reliance on external feedback through other people is fascinating! I would be happy to learn more about this topic.
Thank you for your thoughts. 😆💕
You describe very well how intro intuition is met by others (as unfinished, unclear, etc.). One of my PhD advisors was like that, always impatient with me and accusing me of unclarity. Unfortunately, I think his premature pushing for clarity led me to produce a worse dissertation than I otherwise could have. I can achieve great clarity but it takes a longer time to build up to it.
This was an extremely insightful/informative video I needed to see 👁️ I often notice there are many times where as I’m speaking with someone, what I express to them isn’t aligning to a language that they are used to. It can be a pain, but I try what’s needed to level out and simplify what can be articulated in a framework that is understandable for them.. Sometimes it’s good to be clear than to be highly profound…
So great to hear something on the complex topic of ‘misunderstanding’ which has been HUGE throughout my life. As an INFJ I’ve been plagued by it. Perhaps amplified by the fact that I’m also a Pisces - they are notoriously misunderstood too. So interesting to hear how entwined misunderstanding is in terms of my self-identity. I’ve spent a lifetime mastering my communication style in an attempt to be understood. My husband demands clear, highly specific communication as an ISTP. It has been a huge source of frustration in our relationship. It’s been exhausting for me to simplify my verbiage to the extent that I talk like a seven year old lol!! Even then I can be misunderstood. It really hurts and yes I feel alienated. So I guess this feeds back into my self-identity, an endless loop of hurt. I’ve had to work hard to disidentify- deidenitify - from this need to be understood. I don’t feel it’s the end of the world anymore although it still hurts a bit! Thank you Ren for bringing up this big topic🙏
Book is great so far - I’m a slow reader.
Delighted to hear it! Let’s pray you enjoy what’s to come ^_^
Get well soon! I'm still reading your other books in this insanely busy world 🌎 I keep trying to find moments to get back to reading...very good work Ren. Hopefully I can catch up and order your new book very shortly. Thankyou, this is so helpful.
Although I do think that being misunderstood does validate my self concept, I don't think that I ultimately view being misunderstood as a good thing, because it practically doesn't advance me towards anywhere. Currently my graduation for my associates has been delayed because I couldn't bridge the gap of understanding between the professors and I, or simply because the content of their courses are severely flawed, which makes me unable to engage. Being INFJ, to me at least, doesn't signify anything particularly special, its just a personality type just like many others out there, yes it is rare, but everyone has something unique about them if they look hard enough.
I (INTP) hate being misunderstood and thus I often automatically try to be so clear until it almost feels impossible to _NOT_ be understood. It does not even matter if what I say is very important or not, but if I have the impression someone might misunderstand it I just include examples, avoid complex words, , use comparisons, use analogies and whatever else that is useful to convey exactly what I mean.
When it comes to receiving information I tend to want to be just as sure I correctly understand something in the way that someone might have intended it, that I usually ask clarifying questions just to avoid /misunderstandings as well.
The downside is that it defintely costs more time to do all that, but somehow the things needed to be done to increase understanding (like using examples, analogies, comparisons etc, ask questions) typically somehow come so effortlessly that this usually does not bother me.
Usually it does not happen as much, but if someone does not understand something after doing all that, it can drive me a bit angry. Especially Te/Ti miscommnication can be hard, as I am (overly) patient and detailed, and they often want simple black and white and lack patience to listen to 'it depends' kind of answers.
However, all in all, misunderstanding when it comes to the data or idea transfer between me and someone else are very important and valued to me
yeah i definitely do the same thing at times, the "trying to be so clear until it almost feels impossible to be understood" part. similarly to you, if i want to communicate something i find meaningful to someone, i find myself trying to come up with references or analogies that i think the person will understand...but if none of those hit home for the other person, i've gotten used to forcing myself to say "oh well" and move on. but when i was younger, i tried so hard so often, even when it wasn't that important in the grand scheme of things lolll!
I have an INTP friend on WhatsApp and we text about Hifi and politics etc. we are both deep thinkers and often see things similarly. I like INTP intelligence although sometimes I think he cannot see my perspectives. Low Fe and Ti dominance can oversimplify sometimes, especially with complex subjects like politics.
Wittgenstein 💯 🎉
You a fan as well?