Something about when he goes "She was all shoulders" kills me every damn time. Because of Tom I've been using that line in my own life for years now lol
God I wish I experienced this kind of surreal NPC bullshit more often. It's so spiritually taxing to take a step bak and say, 'What the fuck is going on right now?' in a situation like this. and I Fucking love it.
While that is quite bad, sometimes you end up with a shit ton of people paying with 20s and 50s. The movie theater I worked at had this problem about once a month. Most of the time, we could just break a bill down by using the registers for the concession stand. But, when that didn't work (which was rare), we would use the register at the video store to break the bills down.
@@shadowbandit3975 that only works if you have the option of going to the bank. If the bank closes at six and the box office opens at seven, then going to the bank for small bills isn't an option.
i dont know if i should cry or i should laugh at this piece. Its funny as hell, but sad thing that its all bloody true. So many people have no idea what life looks like outside of their little town.
@@randomswedishdude and did you ask your wife to hand you your balls from her purse before talking to an arab lady... i know in your world women castrated you with feminism .. but in ours we still have our balls .. and our women like men not what left of men.
@@focusstudios1296 sexism is a word that exists only in the liberal societies .. it means a man being masculine and a woman being feminin .. but feminism came to solve the problem .. transforme women into men or manlier and shame them for being women and put down men every time they try to act masculine and shame them for being men ..so you have a society where women are more successful than men .. they go out to make a living and their men stay at home and then they wonder why these women are asking for divorce ..
I love that part of the idea here was "I'm just not gonna ask any questions about why this man has all denominations of currency just on hand. I just want my fucking latte and I have no idea what is happening here."
Just google "adblock" and add the most popular adblock extension for the browser you use (It's safe), I only see CZcams ads when I use the CZcams app on my phone.
Lol in the middle East most Arabs that hangout at coffee houses are quite rich and pretty educated. It's a certain crowd fancy coffee houses attract in ME. An American comparison is like whites hanging out at a bar after their shift is done. Arabs are quite posh but I'm just tryin to provide a comparison to folks with no point of reference of our versus their culture.
My go to order at Starbucks is the Java Chip Frappuccino, with chocolate chips, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. A friend of mine once referred to it as "frou-frou coffee." I don't care, cause it's delicious.
In the 2000s I went to a Starbucks cafe in a B&N 📚. The "barista" coldly informed me that they had NO COFFEE! Coffee! 0. The woman said: this is a cafe not a regular Starbucks. ☕. I was 🤬.
happend to me a lot that i was in for example toy shop with my kid and when i was going to pay woman asked me if i want to buy this and that because it's a discount if i buy it with those toy i bought for him...and i said no thank you and she goes ok and there is one more thing in discount i lose my mind in places like that :D And when i was walking out because i didn't want any of that discounted sh.t she was looking at me like i was BAD PERSON
That....was the *epitome* of a "tough crowd." I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, dog looking up at me with his head cocked to the side...and in that entire audience you hear maybe 6 people laugh a handful of times
I would have WALKED OUT. In Australia they ONLY ask if you got anything smaller if you give them $100 note. Which there's not tons getting around because ATMs spit out $50s and $20s and once I saw one spit out $10s.
I refuse to spend money anywhere legal tender is not accepted. I went to Dollar Tree once and had like $80 in my cart for Operation Christmas Child, and the under-trained/paid employees wouldn't take my bill. Sad.
I don't go to coffee shops anymore. I'm famous now and everytime I start visiting coffee establishments or food establishments on a regular basis, all the workers there either get fired or get replicated. And than the store manager hires doppelgangers from my past to fill their place and make my visits somewhat terrifying. Crazy people being allowed to replace workers just to remind me of all the druggings and poisonings I've been forced to live through. And I don't know about you but that seems pretty illegal to be hiring people for this purpose. All the druggings have my brain not working, a lot of holes from the ajax or whatever it was. But to not hire people in need of employment based on the notion they don't look like a doppelganger.. but you know these billionaires and trillionaire. They have ways of avoiding government when it comes to this kind of shit. Especially when the victim is me. A homeless man and they're just filled with a jealous rage and it's caused them to do this.. just my life after fame in homicidal America
This is the kinda shit that makes me absolutely nuts! Went to an Einstein Bagels here in Vegas specifically to get a Bagel with lox’s and cream cheese at 8am on a Sunday morning I was really pleased walking in and seeing a picture of a beautiful bagel with lox and cream cheese right behind the cashiers head! I placed my order and guess what? The fucking chain discontinued lox on bagels! I swallowed my anger and failure and decided to just order 2 untoasted bagels go to the market by my own shit and make them myself! Then this nit-wit and I’ll Quote “ can I get your name for the order” so I say wtf do you need my name for? Put 2 plain bagels in a bag and hand it to me! No names needed! Then she starts in with the can I get a phone number or e mail for rewards? Seriously she had no clue at this point how close to death she was!
Medium Black Dark roast No sugar It's amazing how quite often i have ro be vigilent AFTER staing that to make sure it gets to me w/o some horribleness befalling me.
I can't think of anyone else who goes through so many characters so lazily yet so perfect
He has been doing it for a very long time-so at this point he can sleep walk his comedy routine
@M R 🤣
@M R steven seagal 🤣
Now enjoy your pooosy drink
I count two characters. Three if you count himself. That's just 2 more than one, one more than a pair and 2 less than a handful. So...
Something about when he goes "She was all shoulders" kills me every damn time. Because of Tom I've been using that line in my own life for years now lol
I do the same thing with Sal Vulcano and Joe DeRosa’s Tastebuds pod, “*input something I’m mad about* can take a fuckin walk!”
That’s my favorite line in the story too! any time someone doesn’t understand… “ALL SHOULDERS” 🤷♀️
"I have everything..." I died.
Hahahahahaha
"Yes...yes...yes..."
shut up peasants 😃
That is my new goal in life lol
We all have the image of how that guy looks hahaha
Tom Segura is probably the best comedian right now.
Good story teller
I like how she shits on Bert but theyre best friends lol
He def one of the best! But **the** best is a pretty high fuckin bar.
Ricky Gervais is
@@florianboehm96 not really, he's good at roasting but his stand up is not that good as my opinion
He's such a great story teller lol :)
meow
The subtle delivery and execution of the joke from Tom is what makes everything so fuckin hilarious
One of the best doing it right now. And yes I know this is not new material.
I’m sorry to say I’ve only just discovered this guy
This is not new material
@@dilloncwwaters4442 you obviously didn’t read his whole comment.
@@yes-fx3pq You obviously have the comprehension skills of a carrot leaf.
@@dilloncwwaters4442 BS
God I wish I experienced this kind of surreal NPC bullshit more often. It's so spiritually taxing to take a step bak and say, 'What the fuck is going on right now?' in a situation like this. and I Fucking love it.
“pussi drink” 😂😂😂
BUSSI
BOOSEE DREENK
That's the best part 😂😂😂
I had a store that couldn't break a $10 dollar bill. Get it together people
😳🤯
While that is quite bad, sometimes you end up with a shit ton of people paying with 20s and 50s. The movie theater I worked at had this problem about once a month. Most of the time, we could just break a bill down by using the registers for the concession stand. But, when that didn't work (which was rare), we would use the register at the video store to break the bills down.
@J Errety in 95 it was pretty common. 😆
@@FranciscoTChavez Jesus if we were getting close to running out of bills....A manager would go to the bank. It wasn't that hard.
@@shadowbandit3975 that only works if you have the option of going to the bank. If the bank closes at six and the box office opens at seven, then going to the bank for small bills isn't an option.
This dude is just naturally hilarious.
Dude this guy is brutally hilarious😂😂😂
For some reason, when he mentions the "I have everything" guy, I picture the dad from "Night at the Roxbury."
Good grief his characterization is the best I've ever seen. It's like watching a movie.
Loved the Arab part, 😂 😂
i dont know if i should cry or i should laugh at this piece. Its funny as hell, but sad thing that its all bloody true. So many people have no idea what life looks like outside of their little town.
I have tears running down my face laughing so hard from this!!!
“Just a coffee shop”
“Go to Starbucks” 😂 tried not to mention their name and couldn’t help it
all shoulders.
that part has never changed...that's why I'm here.
this is original shit.
and it's very good
Segura is one of if not the best story teller in comedy
He always deals with stupid, rude, ignorant, etc people with the best responses. Quick, on the spot. Shutting their BS attitudes down.
It's almost like he makes it up as a comedian
In the stories he writes himself
As an Arab I approve 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Did you have to ask your husband first?
Haha
@@randomswedishdude and did you ask your wife to hand you your balls from her purse before talking to an arab lady... i know in your world women castrated you with feminism .. but in ours we still have our balls .. and our women like men not what left of men.
@@focusstudios1296 sexism is a word that exists only in the liberal societies .. it means a man being masculine and a woman being feminin .. but feminism came to solve the problem .. transforme women into men or manlier and shame them for being women and put down men every time they try to act masculine and shame them for being men ..so you have a society where women are more successful than men .. they go out to make a living and their men stay at home and then they wonder why these women are asking for divorce ..
@@riadh2512 lol for real
This comedian is so funny I can't deal with it! How is he not cancelled yet? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Louis CK, Bill Burr, Tom Segura, Mark Normand. Best!
Chapell, nikki glaser,
sebastian maniscalco is up there
Tom Segura would make the best spirit animal
Hook that shit up !
I love that part of the idea here was "I'm just not gonna ask any questions about why this man has all denominations of currency just on hand. I just want my fucking latte and I have no idea what is happening here."
"This is the last day"
Bit ominous better buy the special coffee 😄
I swear to God whatever he uses his dude voice he sounds like Bob from Bob's Burgers lol :-)
Sam Tripoli talks about how's their is no more outlaw comics.
Well this guy's def one of them!
He's my new favorite comedian! 😆👍🤣
Taking the time and effort, to explain that an Arab man, had all the change he needed; was completely necessary and his impersonation was a joy
🥳💘😘
The best comedian ever! 😁
i think of this bit all the time it’s so hilarious
Thank you TS, I had a great laugh.
Is it just me, or are there suddenly way more ads on CZcams now?
Just google "adblock" and add the most popular adblock extension for the browser you use (It's safe), I only see CZcams ads when I use the CZcams app on my phone.
@@user-nk5es9iy8i Thank you, dear. 😊
They doubled them cuz they could.
I just found out about this guy. He is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
Lol in the middle East most Arabs that hangout at coffee houses are quite rich and pretty educated. It's a certain crowd fancy coffee houses attract in ME.
An American comparison is like whites hanging out at a bar after their shift is done. Arabs are quite posh but I'm just tryin to provide a comparison to folks with no point of reference of our versus their culture.
My go to order at Starbucks is the Java Chip Frappuccino, with chocolate chips, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. A friend of mine once referred to it as "frou-frou coffee." I don't care, cause it's delicious.
From now on you can call it pussy drink
As a fat chick I can confirm, I know what’s tasty. It’s how I got fat. Now I have to eat awful tasting stuff to lose the fat
TOP 3....Maniscalco....Regan...and Segura!!! They are all too dam funny
Replace the middle one with Burr and I'd agree 100%
@@radhiadeedou8286 YES BURR too....
He would write amazing skits
I was at the Nicaraguan Border coming back into Costa Rica and had this exact dilemma when trying to pay a 2-dollar tax with a $20 dollar bill.
2:53
“May i have a coffee” 😂
I've been in simler sittioun and felt like this for real this funny
In the 2000s I went to a Starbucks cafe in a B&N 📚. The "barista" coldly informed me that they had NO COFFEE! Coffee! 0. The woman said: this is a cafe not a regular Starbucks. ☕. I was 🤬.
And cafe literally means coffee in French lol
happend to me a lot that i was in for example toy shop with my kid and when i was going to pay woman asked me if i want to buy this and that because it's a discount if i buy it with those toy i bought for him...and i said no thank you and she goes ok and there is one more thing in discount
i lose my mind in places like that :D
And when i was walking out because i didn't want any of that discounted sh.t she was looking at me like i was BAD PERSON
Good 'ol Tom. Holding up the fucken line as usual.
That....was the *epitome* of a "tough crowd." I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, dog looking up at me with his head cocked to the side...and in that entire audience you hear maybe 6 people laugh a handful of times
Bussi drink 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She looked like 4 people melted into one
I would like to get one of those drinks 😉sounds delicious 😋
I would have WALKED OUT. In Australia they ONLY ask if you got anything smaller if you give them $100 note. Which there's not tons getting around because ATMs spit out $50s and $20s and once I saw one spit out $10s.
I refuse to spend money anywhere legal tender is not accepted. I went to Dollar Tree once and had like $80 in my cart for Operation Christmas Child, and the under-trained/paid employees wouldn't take my bill. Sad.
I met Jim J Bullock once in Lake Tahoe he was with his friend and we sat in the hot tub and talked . 🥳
" I have everything "
Salute to Arabs
This is a common thing abroad. No change. They'll go walk around for 5 minutes to find it.
Can't lie. I feel the same way...EVVVEEERRRY DAY! "is anybody else is seeing this..."
Shout out to my Arab brethren
That is totally me!..
1:38 To All you “CASHLESS” businesses 🙃
If Tom was my friend I would send him fresh baked cookies! He is my imaginary not best friend!
Yes..yes...yes
"hook that shit up"
Seems way too relevant to what's happening right now XD
I know this lady was named Rhonda
I would've gone to jail in that same situation. Can't handle that amount of stupidness in a such a short period of time...
Karen ?
@@tootsitroll9785 Dude, if you think my comment equals to "Karen" you don't have a fking clue what it means...
@@papagrounds ken?
I work at a phone repair shop and people do ask for shoes so...idk I guess you probcould get coffee at a shoe shop.
Must have been in LA.....
That place would have lost my service about the third time they didn't take my 20 for a regular coffee.
I don't go to coffee shops anymore. I'm famous now and everytime I start visiting coffee establishments or food establishments on a regular basis, all the workers there either get fired or get replicated. And than the store manager hires doppelgangers from my past to fill their place and make my visits somewhat terrifying. Crazy people being allowed to replace workers just to remind me of all the druggings and poisonings I've been forced to live through. And I don't know about you but that seems pretty illegal to be hiring people for this purpose. All the druggings have my brain not working, a lot of holes from the ajax or whatever it was. But to not hire people in need of employment based on the notion they don't look like a doppelganger.. but you know these billionaires and trillionaire. They have ways of avoiding government when it comes to this kind of shit. Especially when the victim is me. A homeless man and they're just filled with a jealous rage and it's caused them to do this.. just my life after fame in homicidal America
Sooooo funny.
Does any one have change? Lol. I have everything even in this coin 🪙shortage. Lol 😆
I've worked in retail and the only way she wouldn't have change for a 20 is if she just took shit out of the register and put it in her pocket
Retail and coffee two different things.
As an American… we don’t care🤣🤣🤣
Great comedy.....
Scuzz Twittly is back on CZcams
For $2 dollars ! where? That's enough to buy one ice cube
Bring back fat Tom
I have everything
This is the kinda shit that makes me absolutely nuts! Went to an Einstein Bagels here in Vegas specifically to get a Bagel with lox’s and cream cheese at 8am on a Sunday morning I was really pleased walking in and seeing a picture of a beautiful bagel with lox and cream cheese right behind the cashiers head! I placed my order and guess what? The fucking chain discontinued lox on bagels! I swallowed my anger and failure and decided to just order 2 untoasted bagels go to the market by my own shit and make them myself! Then this nit-wit and I’ll Quote “ can I get your name for the order” so I say wtf do you need my name for? Put 2 plain bagels in a bag and hand it to me! No names needed! Then she starts in with the can I get a phone number or e mail for rewards? Seriously she had no clue at this point how close to death she was!
nausea
What establishment doesn't allow 20$ bills??
All of them
Okay...I have the best name for Tom's next tour! Seriously, I have it. Not telling anyone but him.
delusional
You're gonna be holding on to that secret for a long time, son
Under 200 Starbucks baristas disliked this video.
😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆
That's why I go to big B very simple selection.
Medium
Black
Dark roast
No sugar
It's amazing how quite often i have ro be vigilent AFTER staing that to make sure it gets to me w/o some horribleness befalling me.
Lmaooo
Yeah... is anybody else seeing that?
George Carlin of this generation. Go harder my brother!
I think bill burr is the Carlin of this generation tbh. Tom segura is still amazing though.
Segura and Carlin have two different styles of stand up
He seems like a younger Louis ck
Fellow Arabs know the change carrying importance too.
reminds me of Louis ck😂
Jeez.. rough fuckin crowd..
😂😂😂
😂, man.
Tom is just so 🤣
2020-2021 Yep you are living in that parallel universe…..Bizarro world!
Parallel Universe?...How about Peaceful Riots, Arson, and Looting for 6 months?