The hardest part about becoming parents... (Honest Q&A)
Vložit
- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Support the channel on Patreon! / levihildebrand
Join us on other socials!
Instagram: / levi_hildebrand
Instagram: / dr.leahtidey
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@levi__leah?la...
Twitter: / levi_hildebrand
Facebook: / levinotjeanshildebrand
The Patreon Family Who Made This Video Possible!
Joanne Iskander, Sebastian Persch, Chin-yen Liang, Delenn Kershaw, Kaan Williams, Blito, Daniel Sykes, Monica Hudson, Uma Dobia, Ziv Berkovski, Corrina Holcomb, Cat Wagg, Michelle Rachdorf, Don Gain, Levi Williams, Camilo Gomez, Itoji Kawasaki, Rachel, McCormick, Rosalba Ortiz, Chris Jones, Edwin Rodriguez, Morgan Evans, Francis Parlet, Garry Scott, Catherine Ouellet, Michael, Millard, Elora, Logan M, JustMishy, Abraham Villela, Monica Thom, Coy, Joshua Tan
I was raised as an only child, knew nothing about kids, didn't especially like them & had been told I couldn't get pregnant - which was fine with me. So being told in my mid 30s that I was going to be a mother was a huge shock that really rocked my world, as did having a colicky baby who had difficulty latching on & needed surgery at 5 months. Definitely the most scary, difficult, exhausting time of my life & also the most exhilarating. In contrast, by the time I had my second child I felt like yeah, I got this & could enjoy the experience so much more. Being a parent is still the best thing that's ever happened to me & I'm glad I didn't miss out on it.
Wow that’s a powerful story. We’re very lucky that Frankie has been a cheerful baby with relatively few complications. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Children change the dynamic in your relationship a lot. You lose a lot of your freedom taking care of children early in their life. But the joys significantly outweigh the bad stuff while you observe your child growing up and seeing the new things your kids do. I want to give one piece of advice that my wife has done for our kids growing up. Be very open with them from the beginning. Answer all the embarrassing questions, talk about uncomfortable topics (within reason), and never criticize them for saying dumb things. My kids are so honest and open with stuff so I never worry about what is going on with their life.
We cloth diapered all three of ours about 85% of the time. With our oldest, we were living in a place where we could use a diaper service (which was AWESOME); with the younger two, it was laundry at home --and it *still* took less time and hassle to run a load of laundry than to load up the kiddos and drive the 40 minute round trip to the nearest place with affordable diapers (we lived in a small town and Amazon wasn't an option back then). Cloth diapering is so much easier than most people think, once you figure out a system that works.
...I should add that we were privileged to have me (mom) at home when our kids were little. I don't know if I could've cloth diapered if I were needing to work outside home. No judgement at all for what works for other families. One thing you learn quickly --you have to figure what works for you and not feel bad about it.
I think there’s a really interesting discussion to have to expand with what Levi said about feeling very alone in the first 5 months. As a woman, I hear a lot about the experience of being a mother. But conversely, I don’t hear very much from Dads, especially Dads that are actually engaged and giving their all. Just a topic idea :)
Yeah it’s still pretty under discussed but I’ve talked to a few dads who have felt the same way
Yeah it’s still pretty under discussed but I’ve talked to a few dads who have felt the same way 🥺
Levi I really appreciate you mentioning Leah having to spend more time and expend more energy just as a mom. My ex never acknowledged that but was jealous that more time was spent taking care of our son rather than him.Even though.....his 3 sisters told him the first couple of years dude you're not going to be priority. I also went back to work after 6 weeks. You guys are blessed with parents that cam help and working from home. Everyone experiences this differently but bless you guys for sharing!!!!❤❤❤❤
Leah hit it on the head with the exhaustion short temper etc.
wow caregiver Levi!!❤❤❤❤❤
While I'm definitely more here for trailer (ahem)rebuilds and travels to points unknown, and don't think I'll ever sign up, personally, for the commitment of parenting (phew!), this episode was very interesting and instructive for the non-parent types out there. More than anything, it confirmed for me that good, responsible parents are among society's greatest heroes! Thanks for describing the challenges and issues in such a relatable way for the rest of us.
Cheers!...from North Vancouver -- may you all somehow get some quality sleep in the weeks ahead too!
Thanks for the comment friend!
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sharing this with my 77 year old mother who supports young parents because you are so eloquent about your experience with a perspective that’s not as common as it would be great if it were.
Great insights. Small kids, small problems.. big kids, big problems.. it’s not going to get easier, but you become more adapted and grow into parenthood along the way.
Frankie has had the best start in life, two loving responsible parents with a loving extended family.
Thank you for bringing so much perspective about the non-birthing parent. As someone who doesn’t have many friends that are dads, you’ve made me feel less alone. Thanks for being so open with us.
Im glad it helped in that way. It was something that I didn’t hear much in anticipation of the experience either. Hopefully it becomes more normal in the future 🙏🏼🥺
I don't have kids but some of the things you said, reminded me of when I would visit a friend, who had their first child. As soon as I got there she would hand me the baby and run and take a shower, put in a load of laundry, straighten up the house :D It was nice because I got bonding time with the baby. Also, whenever I visited my brother who had kids the next day my arms were sore and I was always confused until I realized what a workout I was getting by playing with them, lifting them up etc :D.
Love this video! Babies are really really hard on planner types because they just don’t follow the plan. Younger years are much more physical, older years are emotional. But my son is the best gift in my life. I didn’t understand just how large I could love until my son was born.
I became a single mom when my son turned 2 - would have loved a partner like Levi but not in the cards for me.
That’s so great to hear! It’s a challenging but very rewarding journey ❤
It is great to hear about your parenthood journey and dealing with this new chapter! I have two boys that are 4 and 1, it is such a challenge! I am so glad you’re making the effort to reconnecting and making time for each other. You got this! ❤️
Lots of great, parenting philosophy you guys. Love it.
Thank you for sharing and being so honest was really great to listen to you guys everything was so relatable x
This video came at the perfect time! Currently rocking my sleepy 1 week old and can relate to so much of what you guys have experienced. What a shift from being a couple to family of 3
So glad that it was enjoyable/helpful! Haha congrats on your little one 👍🏼🥰
Oh man...listening to you two brought me right back in an instant to having twins...and then another a short time later. Three under the age of two....all of them nursing...yup, being touched out and constantly exhausted was really a thing. It is hard work ALL the time and you DO need to reassure each other that you still love each other. Now celebrating our twenty-fifth anniversary surrounded by our wonderful children and you realize all the hard work was worth it! After watching this, I wanna go out and help a new mom!
Fantastic watch as always and blessings as always 🫡👊🏿💜
Much appreciated! 🥰❤️
May I give you a little bit of information that may be helpful? Often, when babies are a little fussy, they just want to be put down. They get tired of being held just as you would if someone constantly had their hands on you. The stimulation is just too much. Maybe try once in a while to lay Frankie down in his crib, turn his mobile on, and leave the room. Even if you are just sitting on the floor outside the door, give him a little time alone, let him cry a little bit - I'm not talking about letting him scream for 30 minutes - keep your watch on so you can check the time, but give him 20 minutes or so and see if he will settle down on his own. If that happens, then you can figure in a nap time for him, both in the am and pm so he will have a specified time he goes down for his naps. That allows you to plan some tea time, etc. He's a doll - absolutely adorable. You guys are being wonderful parents!!!
Love and good vibes for all three of you ❤
Frankie is so freaking cute!! I think the two of you are definitely, as Leah said, “killing it” as parents. You have the distinct advantage of being intelligent, knowledgeable, curious, flexible, patient and caring people. You also took a good amount of time to become who you are as individuals and then a couple, sharing adventures and experiences and all the good stuff being a happy couple brings. And only then did you have a child, after a solid foundation had been built. Loads of people don’t take that time, or perhaps don’t have that time, and that’s really challenging. The newborn stage is, without a doubt, the most intense, overwhelming period of parenthood and you sort of just function on autopilot because you’re focused on meeting the needs of your new little human. As time goes on, it gets easier, your confidence grows and a lot more fun happens. You’ll get back to being a couple, in time, but in the meantime you’re building a family. Good on you, both. Enjoy every minute you can. ❤
Facebook marketplace is amazing for babies. That "being touched out" really resonates.
Our lad has just turned one, which is bonkers!
Having your family around is super valiable, we've quite isolated where we live in the UK, but my wife took a year off work which helped.
And yes, seeing him become his own little person with emotions, personality, incredible.
Very interesting to hear more parenting perspectives! I gave birth almost two years to my daughter ago! It was an emergency c-section where i was intubated and didnt get to meet her until 2 hours old. Luckily my husband was able to do skin to skin. I couldn't breastfeed in the end so w both were able to feed her. That helped my long recovery period and bonding time between my husband & daughter! I would love another kid but were 1& done! I love being a mum even though its so hard to balance life lol
I feel this all of this! My husband and I actually met online years ago - I'm American and he's Canadian from BC actually (ha) where we decided we wanted to live as a family of 3. Trying to prepare for baby mid move before he came was wild especially after he came 2 months early. We for sure haven't had any time alone with each other since I ended up in the hospital for two weeks and all of our parental leave was spent visiting him in the NICU and after was adjusting to him being home and terrified of our 3lb baby. We're still operating on me watching him in the AM while hubby sleeps since he watches him overnight so I can sleep. Baby finally got his shots so we're hoping to get out of the house a little bit more with him and at some point hoping we feel comfortable enough leaving him alone with others since he does have moments of big throw ups.
I have 4 grandchildren who were all preemies. The first one was 2lbs and lost close to a pound before she started growing, the second was 4lb, the 3rd was 4lbs 5 oz, and the last was another 2lb. Thankfully, they are all grown now and perfecr in every way! So, the point is that there are others out there who do understand your fear and the watching every second.
@@suzisharp132 I'm glad all of your grandkids are doing well! It's definitely a bitter sweet struggle; it's not something you wish on anyone but definitely nice to know you're not alone. Baby is almost 8lbs now and trucking along at 3 months old; they released him from hospital in about 40 days - so glad the NICU phase is over, it's so mentally and emotionally taxing
@@MellieMcK, I'm so happy for you that the NICU period is over - you're right - it is mentally and emotionally taxing. Both my smallest grandchildren spent almost 3 months in the NICU, but they were not ill - it was my daughter whose body did not like being pregnant. Now that your baby is 3 months old, you'll be able to stop worrying so much. You may see some slowness in your baby, but don't get too upset about that. The baby will catch up and by the time he/she starts school, you'll almost have forgotten all the fears. Blessings to you and your family.
@@suzisharp132Thank you!! Blessings to you and yours as well 💖💖💖
Thanks for sharing. Makes me realize how alone I was (although I had a husband) in the early years of motherhood with my then two kids. To see your relationship move on into parenthood is wonderful!
Thanks for this lovely comment!
Ah, your video brings back memories of that first year of always bouncing, holding, feeding, loving and being on watch. Frankie is adorable! ❤️ Enjoy the changes.
Thanks for being here!
Best advice: find a really good pediatrician who can connect you with pediatric specialists if needed (fingers crossed you never will). Our daughter has special needs and her doctor is a teaching doctor at a hospital, and she can hook us up with neurology, orthopedics, etc at that hospital.
At 1:46 into the vid is that the Oregon Coast? Looks like somewhere just south of Seaside.
Ps: you both seem like genuinely amazing people, thank you for the great content ❤
I love episodes about parenthood!
Thank you for this video. I only wish I had it 5 years ago.
This is such a great video! I am going to share the heck out of it within my community Southern Natural Parenting Network because you are such a positive reflection of our core practices 🙏 We are a global community based in Melbourne Australia, and we promote and support breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, modern cloth nappies and babyled-weaning. As the mother and grandmother of children raised this way I want you to know this is the investment season and you will see the wonderful outcomes in the decades to come. (There will also be lots of not wonderful bits too)
There are no perfect parents but you have a great positive perspective. Frankie is a delight. And thank you for respecting his needs while videoing. And not hiding breastfeeding while doing so. ❤🙏
I wish we had had FB marketplace when we had our babies , however we did thrift shop! So a lot of their clothes were second hand. I am retired & my kids are grown , and still thrift shop! I decorate my house from FB marketplace .
Also we were together 10 years before our first baby, it was not bad for me as I’m a home body , but I did have horrendous post partum depression & this was long before “it was normalized”. I had a psychiatrist even say “maybe you shouldn’t have had a child !” Imagine …. That was NOT the problem. Mostly it was hormonal, not because I was a new Mom. Things have evolved a lot just in the last 10 years let alone 30 or 50.
Brace yourselves for the excitement of Frankie goes mobile! So fun to see them grow and explore but also, “constant vigilance “.
i'd be interested to hear more about how you balance parenting and working from home!
I had my first and only child at 37 after living a LOT of life and am so thankful for that! However, the lack of energy and hypothyroidism I developed during pregnancy has meant that the energy toll parenthood has taken has been absolutely shocking many times over. My relationship with partner went through a lot of struggles the first year and a bit, just adjusting to the new normal. My daughter is 6.5 and still demands a LOT of attention, but we love her more than life itself and getting to be parents to her. You two will power through the struggles too and look back and wonder how you did it sometimes. 💞
Oh and Levi you are not alone , just wait until the tide will turn , and you will be your child’s favourite & will run to you instead of Mom !
I would like to hear more about Leah's mental health experience post partum. I think this would help a lot of new moms.
Definitely!!
When buying secondhand goods for babies and children, check online to make sure that the items you re buying have not been recalled for safety reasons--especially cribs.
Please make an update video on the Canada West boots. Cheers
Definitely going from zero to one was big! We had 6 children in 13 years….by the end I was management❤. Remember to take good care of your relationship…remember you’re raising adults not children!
I had a horrible delivery. Labour Saturday noon, baby delivered Monday 12:45pm. Six weeks later sat final nursing exams, two weeks later back to work, night duty in medical ward full time. We just did it, we didn’t think about how we felt, we didn’t have the time. My husband went to work at 8:00 am and I slept when baby slept. I was blessed with a wonderful baby who slept well and had no colic. I was about a decade younger than you are as first parents. I think young (twenties) parents have an abundance of energy and resilience compared to 30 something first time mothers (nothing to do with behaviours, all to do with energy levels), and we certainly didn’t analyse our roles. We were at prime first time mother age physically and mentally and I think nature prepares us to procreate in our mid twenties. (We were too naive to recognise we were working 24/7, or we had the abundance of energy required to carry on regardless. In our thirties, with kids off to senior school and our energy levels dropping, we reflected on these earlier years and wondered how we did it.
I don’t recommend early motherhood for women, it’s personal choice but all girls should know their peak emotional and energy levels are early to mid twenties making motherhood physically easier.
As Levi said, almost everyone has kids. I would add, the world would not exsist any more if people would not succeed in parenting. So, just take a deep breath and calm your mind and find out, what it needs to be a good father. I would say, it just needs to grow up. Nothing more complicated than parents,, who are having a hard time ending their own childhood. But of course, you can overcome this. We all are able to grow to relaxed, serene, responsible adults, taking care for the children in this world. It is worth it and it needs to be done.
question. you mentioned that part of moving in with Leah's parents was the health care. how does that work for kids when they're older where the apartment is? (as I genuinely have no clue)
❤❤❤
Omg yes, you love your own parents, but when you have a kid, you LOVE them. My first LO just turned 2, and omg I just LOVE her so much. I’ve loved every stage, though it got a lot easier after 4 months, then after a year, then after 18 months.
One of the newer things I appreciate so much are when she gives me kisses and gives me hugs on her own accord. It’s the sweetest ever. About to do it all again, I’m 6 months pregnant, due in May. Oh boy, I’m in for a wild ride.
Lucky for me, a good friend offered to watch our toddler in the mornings while we’re sleep deprived with a newborn (and we will be paying her). I’m so happy my tot will get to be with her best little friend, while our home is sleepy chaos. She also really likes the mom, she keeps saying her name lately lol.
You gotta have that community eh? That’s for sure 😅
Each new parent discovers anew the outsized challenge of tending to a baby. I'm battling my urge to say "okay, L+L, now add your second kid" as I did, 18 months apart. It's over-f*^(%gwhelming. I did cloth diapers (with the overnight exception for baby#1 once baby#2 arrived). Made the pureed food. Diluted/delayed my career plans. Breast fed until #2 named my breasts. I'm cheering for you! You're doing this thoughtfully and conscientiously and keeping each other in view. It's all anyone can ask - and it passes! My kids have both hit 30 now and it's gone by quickly. Be forgiving - that's my wisdom. Of yourself, of your partner, of your ideas of yesterday. of your sweet but ridiculous dreams. S'all good. Thanks for sharing.
I am one of the people who has opinions about cosleeping at significant weigh differences (paticulary babies) but what works for you is important.
Having an attached crib/bassinet that you can reach/touch while asleep without the risk of rolling away or getting crushed is a compromise I hope would work for me
Raising Frankie should be a Vlog ❤
OMG, I would love to be in your shoes!!
Congrats on your baby!! He's super cute!!! 💙 Savor your time with him because he'll grow up fast!! Also, I'm glad you're breastfeeding him. 👍
ive followed you both for SO LONG... like levi long hair on a yellow couch in that rando apt in victoria.
And I remember when you announced your pregnancy that there was a worry that you essentially "losing your sense of self". .. today it seems like you are completely a parent, your career, and nothing else. And over the past months (year?) .. from the outside perspective your guys' vibe and energy is completely different. I know both of you would say its worth it and you love it and thats awesome! But it was true... it did seem you did lose your "sense of self" (and disconnection with community to a large degree) cause you now live FOR Frankie (e.g., 24:00). And as a perspective parent, like you two were, those worries do net out to be true. And I am someone who wanted a kid and now i just hesitate (this is not your doing btw lol)
Aww 🥰 it’s so amazing how life changes. From city young people to now parents. I have been following the channel for many years now, I also was a city person and now I’m living in the forest and pregnant. Thanks for the baby videos, for me this is as useful as I’m expecting.
Thank you so much!! Good luck on your own journey 🥰
Another channel for you to watch is Holly the Cafe boat. Young family like yourself. playful videographers. Stunning videographers, buy you will only know that by watching a few. I'm learning for sure. They worked on tv in Britain.
Omg FRANKIE is the cutest
So as someone whose child is now in their 20’s I can tell you unless you are intentional you will not have “more time” later. I wish that someone had told me that. Don’t get me wrong it’s totally OK if you want to spend 100% of your time and energy on your baby. But it can be overwhelming as years go by and you realize you still haven’t renewed your friendships and other things to give yourself space to be you. For other people, their children are 100% their life on till they have grandchildren and then their grandchildren are 100% of their life. They don’t care if they have friends or hobbies at all. And that’s totally OK too. Just know that time won’t just happen as he grows up. If you want things to change, you will have to be actively making time for those things. And lastly, I’m sure lots of people won’t understand this until it’s too late, your teenagers will need you far more than your baby does. Babies do well with meeting new people and experiencing new things and being left with family for a short periods of time or even days at a time. but our kids as they become preteen and teens struggle far more with connecting their parents and we kind of push them out of the nest too early. So my advice is save some of your energy now because you’re gonna need it later. lol.
Thanks for sharing this! We're doing our best but there's a lot to think of everyday isn't there?
Yeahhhh ... things change and smack you upside the head. 32 years ago I had a diaper service all set up for cloth diapers and then he was born with hip dysplasia and had to wear a corrective harness 24/7 .... the cloth diapers were not in the cards. Our insurance provided for one harness but I was determined he would wear it all the time (one laundered while one was worn) so I purchased another for $100 (which in 1991 was kind of expensive). I could do it and because of it, his hip became strong in 3 months instead of the 9 months they had predicted. I tried to donate the harnesses when we no longer needed them (they were in very good condition and I'd kept them very clean) but was told you can't donate "medical gear" in the USA and they would have to go overseas to Africa or somewhere. Seriously??? What happens to American parents who don't have insurance and can't even afford ONE harness? The "Baby Business" in America is a thing --- it's so hard for parents of any income level, but those in lower income brackets face a particularly hard road.
BTW -- as you're probably aware, Facebook Marketplace was NOT a thing when my son was born in 1991 ... we got a lot of hand-me-downs from friends and family and purchased as much as possible at the kid resale stores (we luckily had some really good ones close) not just for economics, but because babies grow out of things SO fast! New parents should definitely check out the "thrift" outlets nearby. We were able to "trade" things for new things. It was great.
It is VERY hard to have grace for a tiny stranger who upends your life, deprives you of sleep, chews your nips off, vomits on you, etc. Remember that the things that feel almost unbearable are very temporary ❤❤ you're crushing it
It was helpful for me to try and remember that sleep deprivation is a literal war crime and noone was built to withstand extended periods with no sleep. It MESSES YOU UP 😓
Thanks for this! Although my child is almost 4, it’s a good refresher on life in the newborn/infant phase as I’m expecting another!
I think you guys have a good attitude about it all - I often remind myself that everything is a season that will pass. Even potty training season passes eventually. Sadly using a carrier (they make them for toddlers!) is a season that has recently passed for us, but today she drew letters independently! Parenting is wild, exhausting, and pretty sweet.
lol me with deadbeat dad . u really didnt love me huh
Thank you for saying out loud that parenting is just harder on mom, full stop. I don't know that that's discussed enough with birthing parents. It's definitely a huge part of why I thought it wouldn't be for me, though I do think I'd consider it if I had ended up in a lesbian relationship. (To everyone's surprise, including my own, I'm in a straight marriage 😂)
I agree with the point you made, Leah, about how it's wild that people don't talk about kids early on. Meeting my husband on an app meant that we were able to have the conversation early without really having it, as we had both marked "No, never," so it was already on the table when we matched. I think that's a huge benefit to online dating!
I do enjoy these types of videos because they remind me I have exactly 0 maternal clock ticking 😂 and also, I just like you guys, and I want to know about your life holistically! Frankie's little yawn at 21:24 is about the cutest thing I've ever seen though. And the kitchen dancing!
Haha yeah it’s a complicated and beautiful thing. No one way to do it either 🥰
Babies>trailers
having a baby makes you immediately look old