Ideal Love Fantasy: Borderline and Covert Borderline (starts
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- čas přidán 17. 10. 2023
- 0:00 Borderline as failed narcissist: why the failure? 40:18 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in DSM 49:01 Covert Borderline and Borderline Types in Love
The classic Borderline offers the Covert Borderline an ideal love fantasy which he craves. But his ideal partner is a codependent "shy or quiet" borderline.
Borderline is a failed narcissist because she has an intermittent mother, not a dead one: intermittent reinforcement allows the borderline to perceive external objects by outsourcing ego functions and even her body despite her huge narcissistic investment.
The narcissist gave up on the externality of separate objects because they are bound to frustrate and hurt. The borderline still has hope: she interacts with separate external objects via merger and fusion, by becoming their internal object.
Covert borderline is a child who was first subjected to a dead mother and then to an intermittent but loving mother. He is trying to recreate this love.
Shy or quiet borderline: useful idea miscast as a diagnosis.
Borderline’s anaclitic object choice
Narcissist’s fantasy is to be loved by a mother figure
Covert Borderline’s fantasy is ideal love expressed through children
Borderline’s fantasy is be regulated by secure base, special friend, rock
All experience shadow via their partners (Archaic wounds, V-spots)
LITERATURE
WATCH Borderline’s Partner: Some Enter Healthy, Exit Mentally Ill • Borderline’s Partner: ...
WATCH Borderline Demonizes Partner, Pathologizes Narcissist (Or Herself) • Borderline Demonizes P...
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WATCH Odd Couples: Codependent-Codependent, Narcissist-Narcissist (1st in Series) • Odd Couples: Codepende...
WATCH How Covert Narcissist Deceives Covert Borderline and He Loves It (2nd in Odd Couples Series) • How Covert Narcissist ...
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"..nothing is more interesting than borderline Disneyland " Yes, for a narcissist, having a partner with a borderline personality disorder is truly a trip to Disneyland. Their joy and suffering often become the source of their existence. For someone with borderline personality disorder, the best and at the same time the worst cover is often the ideal love fantasy: a narcissist.If a person wants to stay healthy and sane, they should avoid narcissists and individuals with borderline personality disorder. It's also advisable not to have children with them.A trip to Disneyland can turn into a nightmare.
I am borderline, always been in relationships with narcissistis (started with my mom), and I never ever understood myself better than when I listen to you. You are a genius, Mr Vaknin. So proud to live in the same time as you, to see you and listen to you. Thank you.
I am a bpd - classical one I guess and I don't usually get involved with narcissists. I do find some of them attractive at the very beginning, but then I pretty soon realize how full of bs they are and that it all is just a performance from their side and I lose my interest in them quite quickly.🤷🏻♀️
What you're saying about covert BPD matches like 90% to my personality. Some details are a bit different dough. I think I had a loving mother as a baby/toddler that became a dead mother lather at times. I also feel no need to have kids but I do somehow pathologically take care of people and feel many times I'm like a parental figure in their lives. I also never feel sadistic urges I think. But almost anything else is extremely true.
After screwing up my head for 2 hours and stalking my ex and breaking my new year's resolution not to stalk them... I am back to the prof's videos. 🥹
I am so sorry for what is going on in your country. Please stay safe. Hugs from Boston, Massachusetts
You’re a genius. There isn’t enough time in the day to explain how perfectly this fits into my existence. Thank you so much.
Does covert borderline always end up with other borderlines and narcissists or does he fair well with healthy people? And if he were to find himself and healthy relationship does it work out in the long term?
Thank you so much, to be honest , BPD has never been explained better.
Frighteningly accurate
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In my years of therapy I’ve been diagnosed firstly BPD and then most recently NPD/ASPD. Your videos on covert borderline describe my behaviours and cognitions to a T. I’ve had a relationship with a diagnosed “classic” borderline and had children - ended with her bolting on me and trying to come back repeatedly until I disengaged. I’m currently 6 months into a relationship with, after watching this video what I strongly suspect is a co-dependant/ shy borderline.
The part where he says all bad all evil I feel like an imposter inside but outside I'm a person what I do is good for everyone these thoughts happened to me every morning within an hour after I wake up. Strange, Mr Vaknin is the very best at his profession
This makes so much sense with all the clear various overlaps with both ADHD and ASD and why so many get misdiagnosed and ultimately recieve the incorrect treatment.
Brilliant lecture! I finally got my answers. Thank you 🙏🏻
Your analysis of classic bpd and covert bpd relationships are so right on it reminds me of my and my ex's relationship ....at the end I was able to scape the toxic bpd Disneyland ...and move away ...but not before he did great damage to my reputation and my career ....I wish I had never met this man as he still finds ways to contact me in desperate ways to try and get me back, he still threatens to do me harm ....but now I am far away from his reach ....I wish U had never encountered this relationship and now that I am more aware of my bpd tendencies and how it works I will be more aware of how bad these relationships can be and the harm that it can cause a person ...Thank you for your insight ....it has been very much an eye opener and it makes great sense psychologically
This was beyond profound. 😢. This shit is making me cry while listening to it. So true, so sad, so specific and yet so right on spot. I can relate to almost every sentence in this fucking brilliance.
Awesome, many many thanks ❤
Thank you for talking about this
Well done explaining this dynamic of covert-borderline and borderline pair so clearly!