This is How You Navigate Conflict in Your Girlfriend

Make these core assumptions in a conflict:
1. The person I’m speaking with is a good person, who means well, and sincerely ultimately does want the best for me, even if they’re upset right now*
(*If you don’t believe point 1 to be the case, get rid of this person)
2. Given they’re a good person, that does mean well, and doesn’t mean me any harm, there must just be a misunderstanding
3. Abandon the need to be right, and instead work as a team to hear each other out and figure out what the misunderstanding was
4. Then work as a team to elicit each others’ core needs in this situation, and work to find a solution that helps you both meet your core needs
By doing this, you are switching the frame from an ‘adversarial’ frame to a ‘collaborative’ frame.
The true magic of relationships comes not in compromise but in synergy; ie, by creating a creative solution that is even better than one you could have just done independently.
We create synergy by eliciting the core needs of each person (which is sometimes not what we initially think), and working sincerely to meet these needs in a win-win way for both.
This might be a bit hard, but definitely not impossible, and it’s worth it because it creates creative, new, loving win-win solutions, instead of resentment accruing in the relationship due to compromise.
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