Let Go of Your Alcoholic for Them to Get Sober | Help! I Think My Loved One Is an Alcoholic
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- čas přidán 13. 07. 2024
- If you have an #alcoholic loved one. Let go! It's the best and most loving thing you can do for them. #Sobriety will come faster if you can do this one simple thing. #alcoholism
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Read this book as my wife 18 years had to detach. Very hard to let go. I was a enabler for 18 years. Until I read this book. Then I stopped buying drink.
My own life was spiraling out of control because of my relationship with an alcoholic. I thought I was going insane trying to “fix them”. And after 4 years I realized everything you were saying about not being able to help them. This video planted me. Thank you
You're very welcome! :)
I am doing the same thing, only it's been 3 years. Or 2 years and 2 months bc 10 months he was in recovery. I am at the end of this battle. In all of my adult life, I've never put up with this nonsense. So why now?? Ya, I am divorced, for a whole different set of reasons. I divorced my ex for lesser reasons than booze.
I am trying to hard to detach and let go. But the "nice" person inside of me feels horrible if I make him leave. He lost everything. Everything he has is 100% mine. My home. My vehicle. But maybe that's his consequence?? I thought when he almost died and lost EVERYTHING that would have been his rock bottom. But apparently God had something else in store......
Maybe I'm a horrible person but right now I don't care much if he dies. He hurt me so many times and then it got worse. He plays a victim. He blamed me for the most ridiculous things when he was doing awful things and also broke my trust. I just don't care what happens to him. He would buy alcohol instead of gas or groceries and borrow money from me. Obviously I have left him.
Feel your feelings then move into forgiveness with your Higher Power so you can be set free.
Totally understand. They be like, "it's harder on me, so put up with me". It's selfish and won't resolve anything. It would enforce their bad behaviors. There's no point if you drown with them. You need to care about your own well being.
Good for you!! I'm glad you got away from that bastard. And they are too.
I appreciate what you said because I feel the same way. He is a very mean person and always treats me like I nothing to him. I need to forgive too but its hard.
💜💜
Some of us let go while in the relationship. But detaching can only work for so long. Eventually, if they don't choose sobriety, it will negatively impact your relationship to the point where you have no choice but to end it... and even if you still love them, which is probably true, alcoholics need REAL time to heal themselves and get straight. Gift that to them. That's love.
I left my alcoholic boyfriend yesterday. I’ve tried leaving other times before but I’m such a sucker for him that I always run back. He’s absolutely incredible, except for when he drinks... He is truly my best friend in the entire world. I’ll always love him, but I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who is willing to sacrifice everything for a bottle. I need to stick to my word, I owe it to myself.
I just did this myself 2 hours ago. I hope that months later you have found what you need and are looking for
Lot of truth there
This is EXACTLY what happened to me two weeks ago. Did yours recover?
I'm on this season in my life 😢
How are you all doing? ❤
There is never peace with an Addict. I lose everything if I let him go but perhaps I will gain my soul back. It's hard. I can't continue longer then 15years tolerating this. He's a great person but it wears me down so much. I have my own battles to deal with too.
Omg well said. I am in the same place. 15 years
@@kimberlycostello3198 I'm still with him. Trying to heal what I can. Not in a position to walk away at moment. So complicated. Hope you're okay. 🙏🏻💛
I left my alcoholic loved one after 6 months after reading your comment. I don’t want to be here in 15 years looking for support. And I don’t want my life to crumble for them.
I am in the same situation… god bless you
After many years of marriage I am seriously making exit plans. Alcoholism destroys everything : relationships, dreams & goals, respect. At this point I don’t think I have the patience for relapses should he work on getting sober. I’m so done! Thank you for the reality check!
You're so welcome. Stay strong!
I quit two years ago...life is much better...and most importantly no drama.
That's great!
I just left my alcoholic boyfriend today, I feel emptied and vulnerable. The minute I left I already missed him so much, but I know I have to leave, even if he doesn’t get sober in the future.
I know it hurts. You're strong because you are loving yourself first by doing this. Now it's time to fill the void by healing and loving yourself. 12 step groups really help with that.
After 6years of marriage. My husband started smoking and drinking... And he don't care for his 4children anymore. I was thinking of what to do also thinking maybe to divorce him. When I have no hope anymore. Until I meant a man of God. I'm giving a Testimony of how PST David help me...
Pastor David who helped me to conquer my husband with fasting and prayer. I can't say much but my husband is now a child of God. You can also seek for his help.
Thank you.
Whatspp him now ⌚
Are u in a better place now?
I left today too
I divorced my husband of 20 years. He had gradually started drinking more and more. His emotional and mental abuse caused me to have to go on depression medication. I tried everything which way to just get him to slow down but it only got worse. We had to sell our dream home. I couldn't deal anymore and I let go. He still contacts me letting me know he's met someone new trying to manipulate me to going back. Couple of days ago he said he was getting married to someone he had dated for one day. Another manipulation tactic. Everything that has happened is of course my fault. I mostly hear from him at night (while he's drinking) and he'll make promises of changing but the next day that flies out the window. He also used words like probably, maybe, I might...these are OUT words so he can change his mind the next day. It just hard to believe that alcohol can do that to a person. My heart is still broke but if it saves him it will be worth it. I wish all of you going through this as well the best of luck and prayers for peace.
I'm ready to quit drinking. Actually i have learned to HATE drinking. I will be alone in this new chapter in my marriage. I'm afraid he'll resent me. But i'm so ready to be sober, i dont care
Yes, it’s super hard!!! But I finally decided to leave him!!!!
I did a lot to help him, but he is still choosing to drink again….
Please support me in your thoughts!!!
Thank You 🙏
I needed this. My mother's alcoholism has causes so much pain in my life yet we're so enmeshed
I wish she could just admit how she hurt me. And say sorry. ☹️ as a grown adult I’m struggling with the way she was to me as a child. And now I myself have a drinking problem. I hate this 😭
@@mercedezz I understand. There's still hope my mom has been sober for over 2 years now! Please take care of yourself.
@@Taradise34 that’s amazing I’m happy to hear that. 💜💜
Idk how any of you made it for over a decade. Took 8 months before i realized that normal women still exist. Im packing as we speak. My health is more important than her self destruction
How are you going?
Together for 14 years and 3 days ago I let go.
I'm finally enjoying peace in my life with my little girls. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Wow I needed to hear that🙏
EXACTLY the reason I left my man of 15 years. What makes it worst is that he be so drunk he cannot help us raise our daughter with special needs. Tired of being the man and the woman of the house. Tired of being the chef, the maid, caregiver, janitor while he passed out from 18 to 20 bottles a day after work....I just left him a week before Christmas. I refuse to let him ruin my kids lives. Felt like I was doing everything alone anyway so I left.....I have all girls....Im glad you pulled out of it
I had to let go of my best friend yesterday.
He had at least 2 hangovers a week.
And he never let go of all his drinking buddies. He criticized me often. I never could say things correctly. He was always telling me the CORRECT thing to do.
I think I made the right choice after all these years of being his friend. I was sick of his drinking...sick of his hangovers. Sick of his sleeping all day....I tried to help him. I CANNOT.
Sorry to hear that. It's all too common. 😞
I lfet my alcoholic loved one, many times and he keeps coming back and I let him. I love him so its hard. I guess its time to move on, nothing has changed.
Kimberly it’s not really very easy is it we will just be patient and loving with ourselves and the way will be shown to us
Good God you have no idea how much you helped me. I'm in so much pain I want to explode.You are so right.
Glad I could help!
👍 yes that's true .i need to let go .hes in detox now but 5 days isn't enough... I know i can't live with him anymore ..
Hug (social distances of course)
@@john-rodgerclaycountychron7071 it's been almost a year now he relapsed so many times since then.I didn't let him move back in .I am at peace more then ever .although , I do keep in contact still ...
My alcoholic loved one and I previously tried to rework our relationship a month ago. Unfortunately, the trauma I suffered physically, emotionally and mentally the past 1.5 years took its toll on my mental health. I am always anxious, defensive, angry, spiteful and bottom line is became someone I am not. I lost my loving and caring nature. She also relapsed a week ago and blamed me for it she also blamed her alcoholism on another person. I am finally letting go to start healing without her and maybe she would stop for her own good.
Good luck!!
I have been with my alcoholic for 15 years and he honestly doesn't think he has a problem. He won't go to AA, rehab or anything. I couldn't even get him to go to marriage counseling. Tired is an understatement.
Been there done ....Adultry added on. Left and didn't feel any guilt.
After 6years of marriage. My husband started smoking and drinking... And he don't care for his 4children anymore. I was thinking of what to do also thinking maybe to divorce him. When I have no hope anymore. Until I meant a man of God. I'm giving a Testimony of how PST David help me...
Pastor David who helped me to conquer my husband with fasting and prayer. I can't say much but my husband is now a child of God. You can also seek for his help.
Thank you.
Whatspp him now ⌚
Mines either...wanted to play house...EXACTLY the reason I left my man of 15 years. What makes it worst is that he be so drunk he cannot help us raise our daughter with special needs. Tired of being the man and the woman of the house. Tired of being the chef, the maid, caregiver, janitor while he passed out from 18 to 20 bottles a day after work....I just left him a week before Christmas. I refuse to let him ruin my kids lives. Felt like I was doing everything alone anyway so I left.....
This is very true I’ve been married 10 years and now I see I cannot help them. It gets worse and worse they abuse it’s yr fault they do drugs and destroy. Then it leaks to your kids time to let go and keep them away from kids until they get help
EXACTLY the reason I left my man of 15 years. What makes it worst is that he be so drunk he cannot help us raise our daughter with special needs. Tired of being the man and the woman of the house. Tired of being the chef, the maid, caregiver, janitor while he passed out from 18 to 20 bottles a day after work....I just left him a week before Christmas. I refuse to let him ruin my kids lives. Felt like I was doing everything alone anyway so I left.....
I let go of my best friend. I knew her for 26/27 years. Now I am all alone in a state that I am not originally from. I moved here partly because of her and partly because I wanted to move here. Losing a best friend is one of the hardest things in the world especially when you live somewhere with no support system. My best friend is NOT the person that I loved anymore. Alcohol has changed her. She got a DUI and spent 4 months in prison. That did not stop her from drinking. I tried to help her. I’m done trying. Everything that was said in this video is the absolute truth. But unfortunately her aunt is still enabling her and will never stop. She doesn’t understand alcoholism and will never make an effort to learn. I’m done. It hurts me like hell. I’m all alone here in Arizona. The corona virus has prevented me from traveling to see my 94 year old mother in Florida because I’m too frightened to fly. I’m in a world of pain every single day. I know I’m doing the right thing even though I’m losing my best friend. Thank you for this video. I would love to read this book or I would love to listen to you read this book to me. I wonder how much it costs to listen to the audio. I think you said you have to buy the audio on Amazon.
I'm sorry about you losing your friend but sometimes it the best thing you can do for them, walk away.
You are not alone
Glad you brought up an alcoholic child because watching your child fall/fail is so unnatural; but your strong advice is resonating 'finally' with me!
Thank you and you're very welcome!
I'm in the process of leaving my fiance. He plummeted fully into his addiction 2 months after we had a beautiful wedding in tulum mexico. We never even got the chance to file our paperwork to get legally married. Which is actually a silver lining!! I mourn and grieve the man I lost the one I loved but this new person his addiction has turned him into is someone I have grown to hate since I was unwilling to accept alcohol in our lives he has turned me into his enemy 💔
Hey girl. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I hope that life is a lot brighter and more beautiful for you today. How are you?
On January 1st after a night of heavy drinking I left my alcoholic boyfriend. This video was very good for me to realize that there was absolutely nothing that I could do to get him sober. So I am so glad I left. My life is worthy of better.
Thank you for this video!!!
It's so hard. I know. Hang in there and get a support network for yourself.
I'm nowhere near there yet... But listening to this honestly helped me let go a little bit, and maybe even sleep a little easier.
That is awesome that it helped a bit! It's not an easy journey. That's for sure.
I'm having a freaking hard time letting go. Army officer, successful career, wears a uniform and can't do wrong...right....
Has been an alcoholic for 20 years. He is 37 yrs old now. Been with him for 12 yrs. 2 children. I feel abandoned by him. If I don't put up with his daily 750ml of rum and more..he pushes me away. If I set boundaries, he starts wandering around. Caught him already in daying sites with fake profiles and so. I don't even think he can be freaking honest with me at this point
I'm very mad with myself. Why do I stay!!!!!!
I do want to leave. I do. My children!
He refuses to sober up. At all. Im very tired. I feel so lonely. And you're so very right. All on point. In all honesty, I fear to let go because he had an affair...emotional or whatever he claims it was and points that he will just get somebody else. As heartbreaking as it sounds right...I guess that just shows me how little to none he values me..us ... as a couple....
Michelle, great video. Thank you!
I know exactly how you feel! I cannot even trust him while I work, he uses fb messenger to talk to other woman and tells them about our relationship, and make them think I am the problem, and he isn't happy with me. It is humiliating, heart breaking, devastating etc. It is their need for constant attention when they are drunk. And mine is drunk about 16 hrs a day, and works from home for their family business, so he can fool so many people. I don't know you but I am going to pray for you, along with myself. It's hard to leave. I will have to leave with nothing, not even a vehicle. He knows this, so he uses it to control me. Everything is in his name. I have no clue how I got into this, or why I keep letting it happen, but I've had enough, and it's only been 5 1/2 years for me. I don't know how you made it this long! I see strength in you and I feel like you can do anything when you put your mind to it! Prayers!!!
Thank you so much!!! I appreciate your words. I totally understand what you are going through. I feel with time it can be a combination of numbing, still having hope and almost codependency in seeing what happens to the alcoholic and you must be there to witness. Sounds sick but I am being honest. I have lewrn to deattach in a healthy way. I learn that having healthy boundaries is a must. Alcoholics do not like boundaries right. Or I would say narcissistic alcoholics. Minr either is or can develop narcissistic tendencies while drunk.
It has been indeed a life lesson and nobody will take us out of the wheel...the crazy hamster wheel but ourselves! Remember you have the strength to do it, even if it means leaving with nothing and starting all over again. I do not have family in the country except for his. I was born and raised in Mexico city and the only reason I moved here is because we met, fell in love and started a life together. But for sure nobody prepared me for what life with him would be like. And life in the military too.
I am grateful for my children. I am grateful for the time of sobriety he has have...even if it was few times. For everytime I saw the reality of who he really is or can be. But that is gone now. I am too hurt and too tired and all I want to do is set free and be very happy with my children. Not sure if I would leave tomorrow, the next day, in a year or in 10, or maybe never.......but setting myself free in mind, heart and soul knowing that I did all I could and that his illness, his lack of self love and self respect is on him. A full disservice to his person. A total avoidance of himself. I pray one day he sees the light. I pray your husband can see it too! I pray for you too! For everybody involved in your side of this path, and most of it for you to have the strength to do what you must to be happy!❤
My story is similar. But he’s only an E7. I followed him all over the world for his career. Now he chooses alcohol over the kids and I. I’m getting a new career so I can take care of us. I’m tired of being lied to. I’m tired of false promises. I’ve decided to let go and I’m grieving. Alcoholics are selfish and full of excuses.
@@alamamagator5488 thabks for sharing. I am so sorry to hear that. It is mever a good idea to put our dreams and lives on hold for others. I feel that much of the military culture of "empowering the spouses" with programs and so to go back to work is a bit of BS. As much as we want to go back to have a life that is independent from their careers, they always have a priority as in..deployments, tdys, moves..etc....and it is the spouse who has to make the choice of putting our prioritieson hold so they can advance in their career. A have met very few active duty that totally are team players and support their spouses too by being full time father's on a side of being active duty. But I am so happy to hewr that you are working on yourself to take care of you and your children and start a new life! Now it is up to him to choose himself over vices. You can't force him. It is a personal choice. But he can't force you to live his vice, to put up with it and to stay!!!! Always love and light for everybody involved!!!!❤❤❤❤
Thank you 🙏🏽 and god bless you Michelle!!! This is like medicine. Anytime I’m feeling sad about letting him go or second guess myself -I’m watching this video!!! 💕💕💕💕🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Absolutely!! You are so welcome!
I am so thankful for finding this video!!! This is the absolute truth. The VERY best information I have EVER heard and understood. I have been struggling with alcoholic parents, husbands and adult daughter all my life. I always thought if I loved them more and helped them more I could make them better. God Bless you for this!! You have actually removed a huge weight from my conscience. 💗💗💗
You can do this! Surround yourself with people who understand your own recovery from this. Happy to help!
Oh yes, so hard to let go of adult children. Grandma steps in when I let go. Heavy sigh. First call yesterday from son in a year. Still on the streets. He wishes he would die. Why not send him a bus ticket to anywhere? He just wants out of the town he is in. So hard to not say please come home. I have given him all the help I can. But it was nice to hear his voice.
My brother is in the ER 4 times weekly now. 2 strokes, 2 fractured backs...lost his job, DUIs, now getting evicted. I get random calls from nurses, social workers, police, the landlord almost daily. I now just want peace in my life.
It’s very a very painful thing that they choose bottle over a happy life together but this really resonates. I think my walking away will give him a better chance of getting sober. At a minimum I will rely on myself and no longer suffer regular disappointment when he is not “present” to have the future that we planned. I can work toward my own future & pray that god jumps in to rescue him. It can’t be my job.
Yeah, it's a tough lesson that we all have to learn when we have an alcoholic in our lives. It's a choice, yes, but they are also trapped. In my book I do describe the difference. God Bless.
Michelle Fondin I do see he is trapped...his trap was becoming my trap in the end.
omg Andrea its like i am reading this from my own mouth. i will concentrate on myself, my business my kids and my future and pray that God will keep him safe. the hardest thing is when he calls me to tell me he hasnt eaten for days or slept for days saying that he can see his bones stick out. it is so painful to hear and to not be there to help him is killing me but i know its not my responsibilty to save him
diane haines I know how hard that pull is to rescue them from themselves. Sometimes you just need to turn that heart of an angel on yourself & rescue you.
The part where you said, every alcoholic you know would of got sober sooner with out their enablers, is them blaming others for their bad choices.Typical alcoholic. Always someone else's fault. I get it, enablers don't help. But that is messed up.
I just sent this video to my friend Jon who is in a situation-ship with my best friend Dave (bff) of 20 years.
As an adult child of an alcoholic I get it. I did my part with trying to get my friend Dave help. Tried to get him to come with me to Al-anons, offered to go with him to AA meetings. Tried to get him to go to a medical facility for detox - he refused so I let go.
Now Jon has been with him for 3 years and is struggling with leaving Dave. Between the guilt and fear he’s having a hard time letting go. I think this video with help him understand the why of why he needs to leave. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing! 😀
I’m terrified he’s going to die so I watched this and cut him out. Praying for the strength to stay away and that I can move on and he can focus on his healing.
That is the right thing to do for him. Though so hard, I agree.
I’m letting go today. Thank you 🙏
Don't they always "mean it, THIS TIME"?
You are legit!!! Everything you said hits home and it is very true. They have to be the ones to decide it’s time to make a change if you try to push somebody to do some thing they will only run and pull harder away from you.. All you can do is be loving and supportive and hopefully they get the help they need:)
Thank you. 😀
Great video needed to hear this i got to let go
I have seen countless videos and have a great deal of experience dealing with addicted loved ones. I truly believe this video was the most helpful one I have ever seen. Thank you so much for providing me the vision that I so greatly needed.
You are so welcome! Happy to help!
Good video and spot on.
This is an excellent video.
I am about to take this step and it’s unbelievably painful. I love him so much so I know I have no other choice but do this to help him. I don’t know if it’s a break up or not and I am also not prepared to say goodbye to the second biggest love of my heart, our cat🥰 on the other hand I think it can be a really good support for my boyfriend to have the cat. He always felt he is responsible for her so she could keep him sane. I feel every other second that I am too selfish to be able to leave him so I am fighting myself really hard. I bought the ticket today for the next week. There is no way to step back from now.
Wishing your courage and strength. Just one piece of advice: take the cat. Alcoholics can barely take care of themselves let alone a plant or animal.
After 6years of marriage. My husband started smoking and drinking... And he don't care for his 4children anymore. I was thinking of what to do also thinking maybe to divorce him. When I have no hope anymore. Until I meant a man of God. I'm giving a Testimony of how PST David help me...
Pastor David who helped me to conquer my husband with fasting and prayer. I can't say much but my husband is now a child of God. You can also seek for his help.
Thank you.
Whatspp him now ⌚
I hope you didn’t leave the cat with him, do you honestly think he’d take care of a cat ? To be honest he’s more than likely going to take his anger out on the poor cat with you being gone
My ex as of yesturday is an alcoholic but not the everyday drinker he binges and will be gone for 24 hours just binge drinking he is extremely aggressive and so evil when he drinks. I don’t recognise him. Yesturday was the last straw when he did it again and he laid a hand on me. I told him it was done and it was the first time my 14 month old daughter had to see him. He even pushed over the high chair in rage. I told him to go and to not come back until he gets the help he needs... unfortunately I have not heard from him.. it’s heartbreaking. He has ruined me . I loved him with everything I had but i gotta put my daughter first and our safety.
Thank you for this video it’s exactly what I needed to hear ❤️❤️
You're so welcome. I would highly recommend you read or listen to my book as it will clarify a lot for you.
I had two alcoholic ex’s. I let them go so that they could get sober. I dropped them and some “nice ladies” from AA picked them right back up and bedded them. 50 days? Okay.🤣🤣🤣 bless your heart🤣. Unless you’re an enabling, toxic influence, they can get sober when you’re around or not because THEY want to. Alcoholics need to learn to function in society. They have families, jobs and obligations.
So helpful, thank you Michelle! ❤
Glad it was helpful!
The way that you say “stop letting go” around the 1:20 mark has found its way into my head, and it’s easy for my brain to pull it up whenever I feel like the villain for not being able to put up with my loved one’s alcoholism anymore
So happy it helps!
Im so stuck..sincerely. After 21 yrs 1st husband alcoholic..2nd and current husband 18 years..very heavy high functioning alcoholic and I struggle so bad trying to not do or say what I have always done. It has not worked etc. Im at point of huge resentment and anger for all the pain and selfishness..anger. I do not like these emotions. Im beginning to feel not..in lovee..anymore. But I love my husband when he is sober. This is so debilitating and I come fully with obviously my own flaws and childhood which contributed to my need to control and fix..nuture..over love to point of not taking care if me first. Im going to watch this again and again xoxox
Lisa I guess if it was easy we would’ve done it by now right
I totally felt every word .. 🥺
@@alishahumphries9830 hugs as we learn to handle this all❤️
i wished i listened to you 2 years ago . mu girlfriend 47 and me 60 . it’s been a nightmare. she lost her 3 boys her $ and business. i tried everything to help her but had to sail away to another country. she would hook up with random guys and crazy behaviour. she is to go to rehab for 10 weeks and then come to the boat to carry on the non drinking. but that has not happened. she asks for $ tells me she loves me etc etc . then no contact on the phone for days . this has given me bad depression. we have a beautiful connection but i think i’m naive
I left my beautiful girlfriend who became an alcoholic after we previously broke up. When we got back together after a few years apart, she started this. She’s incredibly hard working and loving, supported me through my mothers death, but I couldn’t watch her do this.
I have been dealing with a alcoholic friend, I just let her go. I hope she gets the help she needs.
After 6years of marriage. My husband started smoking and drinking... And he don't care for his 4children anymore. I was thinking of what to do also thinking maybe to divorce him. When I have no hope anymore. Until I meant a man of God. I'm giving a Testimony of how PST David help me...
Pastor David who helped me to conquer my husband with fasting and prayer. I can't say much but my husband is now a child of God. You can also seek for his help.
Thank you.
Whatspp him now ⌚
thank you
totally shared - come oooon people....shaaaaare - and host... thank you - you are so sweet and easy to understand :)
Oh thank you!
So you are saying "If they are falling, let them hit the ground hard and feel the pain. That is what will motivate the other person to change."
Yes. After interviewing loads of alcoholic in long-term recovery, the resounding answer is YES!
Thank you sooo much
Dam I needed this reality check
Alcoholic and loved one can be used together if it's a mother or father of someone and even at that their off spring have serious mental scars and hust that will never ne fixed. Husbands and wife's of an alcoholic hate them. They have killed any love that was maybe there in the first place. I literally hate my husband, he has and still is putting my kids and I through sheer hell. He is behaving like the victim, he is unremorseful, unapologetic. His attitude is vile towards his family and he simply does not care. He is actually bitter and angry towards us because he says it is his right to drink because he does a days work. He lies to everyone and flips it all around to my fault. He hangs his fiddle up at the door. He's a very flat and boring personality to start with but he comes across to others as a great family man and hard worker but the cracks are showing. He is slipping up more and more and people are beginning to see him what what he is, an abusive drunk
this is a brilliant presentation. . this has been my experience with a girlfriend. so glad you brought god into it .
Glad it was helpful!
@@MichelleFondinAuthor it’s been 24 hours i worry sick as still not picking up the phone or been on line . i’m in a different country. i have called her x husband in the past but he dosnt like me calling as he has no interest. it’s all rather de stressing stuff . i feel such a fool as nothing i can do .
Thank you for this. My best friend drank my entire wine rack and 1/4 a handle of my Crown Royal while I was asleep Sat night. She was wasted at 6:00 am in the morning. I promised myself to set a hard boundary she was not allowed to get wasted at my place ever again. I told her I would support her sobriety, not this. She cussed me out and threw my wine glass down my garbage disposal. I stepped on a piece of glass barefoot before seeing the carnage. Her 21 yr old daughter came to get her and it took her a long time to get her out of my place. She had an episode like this last year where she whipped me across the back with a stretch tube used for exercise. My best friend is the kindest most wonderful person I have ever met. But its like a demon takes over her body when she drinks. I didnt know what to do until I saw this video. I am going to tell her I love her but for now I need to separate. Thank you! This hurts but I need to do it.
Sorry to hear that. You're very welcome.
I had to leave my alcoholic ex. He had two DUIs before we met. We disrespected me so much throughout our relationship, that months ago, I tried to end it and got drunk and got this third DUI on his way to give me my things back. After his third DUI, I tried to love him and show him grace. We went to church together. We even got engaged, but you know what? I cannot look past the abuse I suffered. So I ended the relationship. He won't stop trying to get back with me. He keeps trying to contact me and reach out. I know my life will never be happy if I stay with him. I have to choose me.
Amen!
Thank you so much for this video. My boyfriend was drinking long before I met him, but it got a lot worse after the pandemic started. Recently, he was admitted to the hospital for advanced liver failure and I have been feeling guilty for breaking up with him (I moved out before his health deteriorated). Now I have been feeling guilty because I feel as though I abandoned him, didn't at least try to get him help, and basically left him to die. Some of his friends also seem to think I'm to blame.
Your video and some of the comments have made me feel a bit less guilty for leaving him. I wish everyone who reads this all the best in handling such a difficult situation.
You don’t need to carry the guilt for his choices. You did the right thing.
You didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and can’t cure it. His addiction has nothing to do with you, he would be in this place whether you’re with him or not. Hopefully it will be his rock-bottom.
@@aspiemom6044 Thank you
I needed to hear this. I need to not let him back in this time. He will never stay sober if I keep picking him up when he hits bottom. I love him so I don't want him to die but you are so right, if that's his fate I can't stop it. If he wants to be drunk or sober I can't stop either. I can stop enabling. I can reclaim my sanity. I have to leave it to God.
Amen!
It's because of this video. I was able to let go..Thank you very much.
You're welcome!
@@MichelleFondinAuthor will then try to come back?
I hope it helps me I’m so stressed
so.... damn.... hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my DH left us.... letting go.... he has flaming arrows of prayer aimed at his back... miss him... love him... letting go!
Most people are too selfish to let go. I know it would be better to stop enabling and let her go, but that means I would be without her and her mother would never stop enabling her anyway. But I’m close 🙏
How do you leave your alcoholic daughter sleeping, freezing on a strange porch? How do you do that.?
I divorced my husband of 9 yrs 3 months ago he's been drinking every since but when we were together he only binge drank like a quarter of the time now he has heart failure from it and a defibulator implanted
sorry to hear that.
but my live in GF has no money to live on, how can I just kick her out , I love her.... ??? I know I am an enabler
I am married to a sex addict. The ultimate personal addiction. It is nearly killing me. Things go well for a little while and then we have a melt down every two weeks. It’s beyond bearable.
Oh no I couldn’t imagine 😭😭😭
EXACTLY the reason I left my man of 15 years. What makes it worst is that he be so drunk he cannot help us raise our daughter with special needs. Tired of being the man and the woman of the house. Tired of being the chef, the maid, caregiver, janitor while he passed out from 18 to 20 bottles a day after work....I just left him a week before Christmas. I refuse to let him ruin my kids lives. Felt like I was doing everything alone anyway so I left.....
Not easy to do when you’re retired and have no way out......
I'm very thankful to have come across your video. It validated my own letting go of my ex of 6 years a month ago because he said he wasn't ready for treatment and I respected his choice though his alcohol addiction was what destroyed an otherwise happy relationship. It broke both of our hearts because we still love each other very much. But I'm plagued with guilt. He wanted to stay in touch but it was too painful for me. And recently probably while drunk he questioned my love for him in a text. My sponsor said he's playing the victim which helped a lot.So even though I wish I could talk to him, I don't want to leave myself vulnerable again. I already explained to him that I never stopped loving him, but he chose alcohol over me....and I understand that's the addiction in full force. But what do I do with all this guilt? It just feels safer to send him loving energy and prayers than reach out. He's 72 and I'm 64 and I want a chance at lasting healthy love...don't think I can handle the relapses. And I'm finding peace and serenity finally.
Hang in there. You made the best choice. The guilt? By staying with him, you would be “helping” him kill himself. I think knowing that will eradicate all remaining guilt.
@@MichelleFondinAuthor I can't thank thank you enough Michelle for reassuring me I made the right choice to leave and that I have nothing to feel guilty about. You've put my mind and my heart at ease. I love your video!!! ❤️
What does letting go mean while still in the marriage?
I've got a headache I cannot cope anymore 😩
I’ve been reading a lot of people opinions , situations , precessional and so forth . So my thought is it depends on the person . Your thought may work for a good amount of people but I’ve also read some postings of individuals that suffered from addiction and they say they would have not been an addict for as long as they did if they knew that once they came out of rehab they had someone to support them and love them through their journey . So I would not say that this works for everyone
I am sober 5 years an I love with a alcoholic girlfriend, an it is terrible Wana help her but she won’t get it ! An I have to leave after 3 years!! She helped me but now she won’t get sober
Bill W once said and I read this somewhere but there is no way you can stop an alcoholic from drinking if he or she is going to drink he or she is going to drink
That is true.
@@MichelleFondinAuthor thank you Michelle for responding I highly encourage you to read about Bill W and dr. Bob Bill W has written many books and by the way ice or another video of you where you describe the symptoms of alcoholism you're basically saying the same thing that dr. Silkworth said he's the doctor that worked with Bill W he called it an allergy
@@MichelleFondinAuthor please let me know what you think of what I said
I’m pregnant with his child. We’ve been together 6 years. (Starting at 15yrs old.) I love him, I don’t want to leave him... why should I have to lose the love of my life and my comfort, up root everything in my life? How could I ever?..... rhetorical questions really. I’m just having such a hard time with the idea of letting him go. I don’t want him to be gone. I don’t want him with anyone else. I don’t want anyone else.... I don’t want to let go of any of it. I just want it all to be better.
Going through the same with a toddler and I completely understand what you’re saying.
I left my alcoholic partner & I regret it in the end cause I still love him, if you love someone you cannot change them, cause they will only change if they want, you just have to accept them as they are.
@@ellaineheart5766 Have you moved on yet or are you still hung up over your ex? I ask because I just don't see how being with an alcoholic isn't an abusive relationship. I hope you're doing better these days.
@@TxHoneyBee Hi Honeybee, thanks for checking out on me. I have totally moved on. It was tough, because I thought that I will never be able to move on with my life anymore. But now I have. And I am very thankful. I am happier and more hopeful with my life now unlike before.
@@ellaineheart5766 That's so great to hear, dear. I'm so happy for you and proud of you. I know that took a lot of courage.
My mother will never be sober. Some addicts don't have a rock bottom; so I'm trying to accept this. She is 66 and we are all shocked that she is still alive. She is a very severe non-functioning alcoholic. All 4 adult children have gone no contact. We are certain she has pickled herself. 😂 Okay... I have to laugh or I'll cry and I'm done crying over her and the selfish awful choices she has made and will continue to make without me in it. She lives almost 6 hrs away and I moved away 21 years ago and she's never come to see me; so she won't make her way to my home; that helps me sleep better at night.
Thank you for sharing.
What is if your alcoholic spouse won’t leave the house?
I’m so sad 🥺💔
Is it any different if help doesn’t matter? For example finances are fine even with heavy drinking.. bills are paid , mortgage is paid etc. There really aren’t any financial consequences so how does one “stop helping or enabling” in these situations?
Hello Diana, there are MANY ways in which you enable an alcoholic, money is only one. When you analyze the situation, you will realize that they rely on you for much more than just money. For example, my alcoholic was constantly asking me to "help" him update his resume so he could find that "dream" job. Only updating his resume was a constant request for 5 years. Allowing them to insult you in any way is another way of enabling. etc.
It’s so hard to let go! My mother is an alcoholic and I feel so guilty about that.. I just picture her alone no car no job, in pain, and depressed.. what do I do?!? Nothing I do helps her and I know all this. It’s just how do you deal with the feelings of letting go?
Yesterday we let our sister go. I worry but this is her fault not mine she is paying the consequences of her choices with no saving from my mom anymore since we lost her less than 2 months ago. 11 years of parents putting up with her no more from us. It hurts the loss but its the best for her and for us.
I had to stop the contact with my brother as well, he is on the streets unfortunately , no identity card, nothing and I don't have the financial and emotional means to help him anymore and am so traumatised by the relapses after I give everything I have and put all my hopes into him getting well....and I know he is a victim as well, a victim of his illness.Even though I know nothing from him, I don't even know if he is alive, and even though I let him go because I CANNOT help anymore, I don;t have the means to help because it has gotten way too far, I still feel guilty and always thinking.....what if I had the means, maybe I would have been able to give him a chance....then I try to think about famous rich people with addiction problems and they didn't manage to overcome them only because they had money....still, I think the guilt will always be there, even though I tried to do everything I could in the past but you can't help feeling guilty when a family member goes through this type of hell on a daily basis...
I let go of my alcoholic son-and he drank himself to death. Please do not say this cannot happen. It is a very real consequence.
So sorry for your loss. Of course it can and does happen. I volunteered in a rehab center teaching yoga for a year. Alcoholics say goodbye to even sober alcoholics, sometimes two or three per week due to suicide or overdose. The truth is you as mother or any other mother or relative cannot prevent it from happening. So letting go is the only thing keeping you sane sometimes.
@@MichelleFondinAuthor Thank you, I did stay sane; I worked very hard to achieve that. A year after his death our family welcomed my first grand baby, three years later a second grandchild. Life does go on.
@Zac David I’ve never met you, you don’t know me, you didn’t know my son, and you knew nothing about our circumstances. I have no idea what prompted you to write this but I will say one thing: I hope things get better for you.
Great video
Thank you!
Is this also true for cocaine addicts? I left my husband of 9 years and he has a plan in action to get clean but I already gave ‘my final chance’ he relapsed 8 weeks after through breaking his own precautions that were in place to try and prevent him using. I’m heartbroken. I feel so guilty. I haven’t eaten or slept properly in days. He was amazing expect when he was using. A few days at a time every couple of weeks or so. It got worse though it was ongoing for 4 years & got worse in the last 1 year. I just can’t handle the lies and relapses and pain. I miss him every second of every day.
hello there
Is loving one enabling them?
hi michelle im from sydney australia and i came across your video because i searched letting go of your alcholic partner. It was so very valuable to me. so thank you. what if he denies his alcholism is a problem?
on a positive note i have let go, sometimes he calls me when he is drinking feeling sorry for himself and i start crying and feel sorry for him as i still love him. im thinking now, i am not supposed to talk or see him.
After 6years of marriage. My husband started smoking and drinking... And he don't care for his 4children anymore. I was thinking of what to do also thinking maybe to divorce him. When I have no hope anymore. Until I meant a man of God. I'm giving a Testimony of how PST David help me...
Pastor David who helped me to conquer my husband with fasting and prayer. I can't say much but my husband is now a child of God. You can also seek for his help.
Thank you.
Whatspp him now ⌚
What about when they just turn to another relationship and gives up his 4 year old son. This is so hurtful! All of the hurt, lies and betrayal.
I understand totally I've been through it. Hang in there. Get some support and help for yourself.
Jess clearly was not worth having from the start. Better off without, Move on .
Stay strong.....
Some people are just ignorant I'm guilty of that . Gn
I have done this for years my dad has struggled with alcoholism for his whole life and I’ve just got to the point I can’t do it anymore I just recently moved out of the area to move in with my fiancée in Toronto Canada and I am worried every day about him
+ 2 3 4 9 0 4 1 6 4 0 3 2 0
Message DR TUKU now for help on whatsapp, he once help my dad out of it.
@@sophiamick1145 huh
@@dlineboyz5549 my dear no hope is lost, am a living testimony here chatting with you.
@@dlineboyz5549 my dad was also in same category but he help my dad and my dad is free now and living fine.
Why is 4 years the tuning point? weve been together 4 years too! omg
@@jacquelinel1618 Sorry Jaqueline. I'm going into the 4th year and I told him he was making me sick emotionally, mentally and I was getting scared of him. I couldn't find a time to talk to him sober, it had been weeks. So I talked to him when he was in bed, tired from drinking 3 days straight. Then I said I loved him and left. Truthfully, he was making my stomach turn. He somehow thought I still wanted to cuddle or have sex. Uh, no thanks. I wish you the best. ❤
5 years for me
Sucks cause my mom don't understand about alcoholics she ignorant lady. She doesn't know how to make decisions yet complains and fights. She can't stop contact with my father 31 years of abusement and it's getting worst. And me I'm part of cause I never became a man but I'ma stand up for myself. Amen
When do you dray the line from abuse from an addict? Including physical abuse? Does this abuse mean they are an abuser or is this a part of the drug use?
Get out now! That is when you draw the line. Abuse is NEVER acceptable at all. That is when.
@@MichelleFondinAuthor thank you
Mmm, idk. Yes recovery is an inside job, but you can most certainly also seek recovery for yourself bc you’re probably codependent.
Hi.
My husband is alcoholic
When I was with him there was no effect on him of my words
When I take strict action he says he will quit drinking
And he will suicide
What should I do.
It's 5 years i have married.
He is not your responsibility. He is his responsibility. Go to a few Al Anon meetings and meet other women who are in your situation. It will help.