Training Jiu-jitsu With the Opposite Sex
Vložit
- čas přidán 5. 06. 2024
- Training jiu-jitsu with the opposite sex can sometimes be stressful for some people. We discuss some of the common problems that arise in the bjj training room and how to handle them. Mandy discusses it from a female's perspective and I give my perspective from an instructor's point of view as well as from a male perspective.
We would love to hear your thoughts on what situations or concerns need to be addressed in jiu-jitsu academies regarding these issues.
IM SO GLAD YOU SAID “THE LESS WE SEXUALIZE JIU JITSU”... At the end of the day, I don’t ask my training partner to train a certain way because I’m a female- it’s because I’m a human and I have boundaries. If someone I train with asks me for a little more of this or a little less of that, I do it because I care.
Many years ago, when I was starting Judo, my sensei paired me with a woman. Instead of throwing her, I set her on the mat because I did not want to hurt her...bear in mind, I was a white belt, she was a brown belt. Eventually the sensei told her to loosen me up... she beat the hell out of me... problem solved. We were judoka... end of story
XD ha! Dude I’m a white belt female who trains often with a male white belt. We’ve learned a lot together and is surprised that I’m starting to be able to throw him around quiet well now but I’m learning that he’s holding back on me too much. It’s starting to throw me off a little because I’m falsely expecting the small female white belts to feel easier to control than him, but they’re not because they’re actually giving their all. I know it’s wrong to size somebody up like that, but I was hoping rolling with him would improve me in that way.
@@1k3ve its probably as simple as asking him to dial up his intensity just a little. Keep in mind that the technique is paramount. He clearly wants to be a good training partner. Also, be quick to have him dial back too.
Just do it. Youll be fine, dont make it awkward. Just do it.
I agree on the hygiene thing. Yesterday I had the day off work, so I had one jiu-jitsu class at 6 am and then more jiu-jitsu/judo type classes at 9:50 am, and before I went to the classes that I had at 9:50 am, I took a shower and put on a completely different gi so that I would be all fresh and clean for the rest of my classes.
Train with females like she is your sister. Respect boundaries of all training partners. Communicate if you can ramp things up or down.
So basically tease them to the point of a mental breakdown and leave rotten eggs in their locker? 😂
@@fredriksjoblom5161lmao
Great video. I had that question in mind. Im just beginning on my BJJ journey and thats one of the things that I questioned. So, This video definitely made it clear for me. Thank you.
Thank you for this! When I get paired with a guy, I do feel like I don't allow them to learn fully but I always tell them, I'll let you know if you can ramp it up or down.
My second day I was learning a new technique with a female which required me to place my hand around her waist and I kept hesitating but she said kept saying it’s fine and so did the instructor but not really being to pushy and then they both said at the same time “ we’re all here with consent “ which helped me get more comfortable then around the 3 time I didn’t even realize I was training with her like a male. Great experience can’t wait to go back.
Edit: For clarification… I didn’t start destroying rather I was rolling with out thought
Yeah, I've been in that position as well. We once did a drill where we basically started in a spooning position with the big spoon's hand on the little spoon's hip. It was pretty uncomfortable at first but it also was a big learning experience for me.
After all, it's our responsibility to NOT make it weird or uncomfortable for each other.
We hug and squeeze each other as a sport, let's just roll with that - pun intended.
An awesome upload, very balanced, very open. So nice to hear common sense still exists. BJJ is a grappling art, ‘squishy bits’ will get touched and grabbed, but ..... it is NOT appropriate to target these areas. Size matters, strength matters, be aware of it, but still challenge your sparring partner.
Women are there to train, respect that, respect them. Be open, be respectful, and if in doubt just apologise. Remember ‘wall flower’ types (men and women) do not train in BJJ
Thank you for addressing this. As a woman considering BJJ it brings back memories of high school and not being selected for the team because of being too small.
what to do with my hands was always the biggest concern. had a girl get me in guard then pull me in to break my posture. but the way i came down meant my hands landed right on her chest and i immediately fell on her face cus i yeeted my hands out from under me. she had a laugh but i was embarrassed. though i find its very difficult now to even care about that. especially with some of the more technical girls because theyll spring a choke out of nowhere and they are so flexible they can cut angles that guys just normally cant so if youre busy thinking of something else youre gonna get caught sleeping.
as for pressure i generally find that just resting my body weight on them is just fine. not driving my hips down and trying to crush them but just letting gravity do its thing. im only about 170ish pounds and most girls can move that around with their legs and body. at least enough to be able to do things like recover a knee shield and begin trying to get guard back. and as a general rule of thumb, if i have to use more than 50% of my strength to get something or get out of something, im just gonna let em take it because that means im not using technique anymore. the only exception being if a woman is of similar strength to me. which is hard to find since im a relatively muscular guy but if i had to roll with gabi garcia you bet your ass im gonna fight to survive.
though one thing that annoys me is when women dont play top game. idk if its just cus they are so used to being on bottom because they are often the smaller opponent, but they get very good at pulling guard. which is fine. but if i pick a smaller training partner often its because i want to work from positions that are disadvantageous without the pressure of a grown man to really focus on technique. now being on bottom is my weakness because im such a top heavy player. so when i want them to come up they might do it for 2 seconds before pulling guard. then i have to resist the urge to grab them and yeet them on top.
I try to avoid it unless it's with a female I know and trust.
Had my first roll with a woman earlier today. My class is fairly small. Normally only 7-8 people with majority being kids. They do a Saturday class for adults only. Also EVERYONE is a white belt with maybe a single stripe (besides our professor)
Anyway, today there was an odd number of adults and kids. The oldest kid is like 16-17. Her and I were asked to roll with each other so we had a partner. I’m recently 24.
I came to this video to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong. I think I did a good job being only a month into classes. I’m not trying to prove anything just focusing on the movements and situational awareness.
Since we’re both still very new I helped her get her first submission with a bit of resistance then I told her I wasn’t going to hold back for the rest. We took it slow for the most part on both sides of our roll just so we could practice some of the movements we haven’t committed to memory yet.
The 2 best things to come from the roll is that I finally got a successful sweep without guidance. The older guys are harder to throw around because of weight and the one that’s my size used to do wrestling (which I feel gives him a slight advantage). For her: she finally got some practice that wasn’t her 8 year old brother. She doesn’t roll with him every time, but it seems like she’s had to quite a bit since I started.
I’d roll with her again. She’s no chump. Does anyone have any additional advice?
I'm very new to bjj but so far I've learned more sparring a Ferndale brown belt than I have anyone else. Focusing on technique and not brute force is nice.
I felt a bit awkward when training with ladies, when I started... I was (and still am a beginner, although haven't trained for a long time now (injury)). I was just not sure where to put my hands. I got better the longer I did the training... and eventually got over it. But initially I thought (probably too much) I need to be careful where I put my hands.... In the end it was a problem I had, not them.
I love how you acknowledge it was a problem with your own thoughts/ assumptions/ worries. very cool to read. props for you for reflecting and sharing that.
I feel you. I used to train a lot with women, and it felt very strange. In the end, I just turned that part of my mind off. I asked to let me know if I was going too hard, and let them tell me when to back off. I treated them with respect but not different. But it was hard, essp with a new student.
It is important to train with different partners with all body types..it's common sense, if you r stronger and more advanced, then just roll, switch positions, show them how to do certain techniques, put yourself in bad positions, and then put them in a bad position,,then allow them to work out of it..just have fun and make it so you r both gaining from the training.
I like that you brought up the topic of rolling with children. It is difficult to train with someone who you have to take care with.
You know, my Professor (Allen Hopkins) actually encouraged me to roll with as many kids as I could for that very reason. He said that nothing will build your control and precision like having to manage your own body along with someone else's body, ESPECIALLY if they're a kid you're doing your dead-level best not to hurt.
And I'll be danged if he wasn't right. You'd be surprised at how much easier it become to deal with big, spazzy dudes when you've dialed in your game a bit on more delicate training partners. I mean, it's OBVIOUSLY no substitute for training with larger partners. But there is a definite benefit that crosses over.
I'm a 50-year-old gay man that's been training since 2017 (got my purple belt in March 2023). INEVITABLY when my gay friends find out what Jiu Jitsu ACTUALLY is (most of them hear the word and assume it's some kind of kung fu aerobic weirdness) they go, "Oh my god - that sounds so HOT!!!!"
And I'm like, "No. It's not. The warmup is murder, the training is exhausting, and you spend the last hour with some 20-year-old named Candace on your back choking your eyeballs out". LOL!
Kidding aside, though, being aroused in training has never been an issue for me. For starters, I've never dated a man younger than 50, so most guys on the mat I won't be the least bit interested in. Second, I just don't find I'm in that head space when I'm training. I can't speak for anyone else but drilling and rolling require a completely different mindset than being...amorous, if you know what I mean.
I tell these young fellas that bring it up that they have nothing to worry about because I'm not into younger dudes. In fact, most of my buddies are comfortable enough to crack on me with BRUTAL gay jokes, and I love it! Of course, I tell them if they bring their dads or grandpas in to train, they might as well start calling me "Uncle", because all bets are off. Ha ha!
But, seriously. I think anyone who's mature and more or less psychologically healthy should have no problem separating training from flirting. If your impulse control is that bad, you should trade the mats for a therapist's office for a while. Just my two cents.
I have trained and taught with opposite sex and children many years..
Alway be professional , respectful have good control , treat everyone equality not as sex's & with curtiscy ..
normally if I had a uki or student that just lays there , I encourage them and try working on there drills with them or something
Im just glad she’s training with her grandfather.
🤣
I know women (and men) who go into these sports don't really mind the bruises that much, but just a tip if you don't want them to appear on places like your face: lavender essential oil (if you are not allergic to it) applied directly on that area as soon as possible(maybe within 20-30 minutes) can prevent them from forming and looking bad. The sooner applied, the less chance of them showing. People also swear by Arnica gel, but I think lavender is more potent healer.
Being a new white belt i personally domt feel anything weird rolling with the girls. I have started brining my stregnth down because it feels unfair to just pick them up and move them around the mat and im not really learning anything if i do that, but i get my butt kicked each time i roll with them so as far as im concerned im gunna try to last as long as i can before i eventually get climbed like a tree and choked out
I have little problem training with anyone. I train Taekwondo quite a bit . I’m curious are you guys located in Colorado?
I train in Jiu-Jitsu but my wife does not. Our three-year-old son opened a door into her face when she wasn't paying attention. She got a black eye and I was amazed at the number of people on Facebook sending her private messages asking if I was hitting her. So I definitely understand the argument about how women are viewed in society when they have bruises and such on their face.
The main benefit I've got from rolling with women is that a teaches me to slow down. Slowing down has benefited me when rolling with higher belt men for two reasons. The first being people tend to mirror the intensity that you go at.. and the second one being I do much better controlling my breathing.
My problem is that I dont want to hurt anyone and I feel like I would be more likely to hurt a female. While I know I could go a little easier on them I feel like thats disrespectful to them and the art to do that. Also there are certain maneuvers that regardless of how you view them are going to be at least a little awkward.
Have you ever had to deal with accidental........"arousals"? And if so , what is the correct protocol?.... This notion seems terrifying for all parties involved.
Wear a cup.
Kind of difficult to be aroused when you're fighting for your life. Just focus on jiu-jitsu and forget everything else. 😂
I have actually done a little training since this original comment/question and I completely get it now. .... there is no time for that stuff whilst avoiding chokes etc. You are completely correct :)@@Alee869
On smell and hygene for gym owners, something to consider is ensuring the bathrooms are very clean. Have been to gyms where they are gross. I can only imagine my wife's reaction if I notice it. For her, she'd be impressed if it was as well presented as a spa with a stack of fresh dry towels for example. If you visit a gym for the first time and are told "you can use the shower" but there's just one mouldy damp towel in a ball. It's not welcoming. And an easy fix.
I am a 51 year old 5’10” 225 man. I have lifted weights almost all of my adult life, and am a purple belt in Jiu Jitsu. I have trained with women several times over the 5 years I have been doing Jiu Jitsu. You can only shut your weight, and strength advantage down so much before you basically just become a resistance giving training dummy. I find that training with small men is far easier than training with women because of the natural strength difference. Small men can have enough strength to perform techniques against me despite my enormous weight advantage, and unless I roll with the women they don’t.
I'm a newbie, male, white belt 1 week, and I've seen differing opinions on shorts over spats. I would have to say that it seems in my estimation that there should be nothing wrong with rolling in spats, with of course underwear and compression shorts underneath. It seems super common, and it seems like realistically it is more ergonomic, comfortable, and more true to the "no-gi" philosophy since in a full spat/rashguard outfit there's nothing to grab onto. I mean to each their own, but I think by the same token of not sexualizing jiu-jitsu and not sexualizing rolling with opposite sex partners, we shouldn't sexualize the male body to the point that we're terrified of seeing the slightest indication of a "bulge" because someone's wearing spats. To me, that seems immature and like something we should overlook in favor of practicing the art as purely as possible.
So, with all due respect to this wonderful professor and his opinion, I must respectfully disagree and state my opinion that it should not be problematic for men to wear spats and a rashguard.
how hard do you tip your fedora before rolling M'Lady?
I have seen many problems. I remember a woman that was too selective with who she sparred with. The guys boycotted her. I've seen women also get boycotted after they complain about a guy being sexual. One of the women got mounted by a guy. She didn't like it. I have seen guys having to drop the class after their wife or girlfriend visited the class and saw them sparring with a woman. I have known many women that couldn't join a class because her husband didn't want them to spar with men. Smell = bacteria.
So informational!!!!! Can we make the next video about discussing pervy old dude instructors with much younger (decades younger) white belt romantic partners doing a ton of gross PDA and leering and thinking that's normal? Inquiring minds want to know!!!!! It will improve all our games!
Forgive me if i don't understand your "true love"
.
Maybe we should do a video on weird people on the internet who make assumptions about people they don’t know. You know the kind, the ones who post comments because they assume the worst without knowing anything about the people they are talking about? The couple in the video have been married for over 20 years and have 8 children together. And they did not meet at Jiu-jitsu class.
So forgive me if I don’t understand your “ignorant comments”.
@@gracieohio not sure you are helping your case with "don't worry i was old and she was really young when we met argument.
@@thedoad 🙄
I think it’s a great opportunity to work on pure technique for men.
Evie Torres was the first American female instructor who began teaching females real self defense that works.
Before that they were taught stuff that got themselves hurt.
I wish there was an all female class.
In terms of the "sexualization" of jiu-jitsu, I usually have zero issues separating my sexual orientation and thoughts from my grappling and self defense training. HOWEVER, I have to confess, it's pretty damn distracting and difficult to navigate when your female opponent is extremely well endowed in either of the curvier body features. I do not say this to be sly. It really does make it difficult to stay focused on grappling unless the individual reassures you that they're completely okay with anything that happens during the roll so long as it was clearly a mistake.
A good example was the first time I rolled with my buddy's wife, who is a slightly above average height woman but also on the heavy side. Her breasts are so large that when she put me in her guard and I went to post my hands to posture up, there was zero room for me to put my hands ANYWHERE that wasn't squishy and intimate. I apologized and looked immediately at my friend who was watching but they were both very okay and jovial about it. After the 2nd time it happened, I decided to switch it up and simply stay on bottom or in full mount, but the shape of a woman's body can absolutely make it difficult to train without getting distracted by the accidental touches or the smothering that occurs in certain positions.
Bottom line is exactly as they said though, simply be respectful. Every time I roll with someone I know was recently injured, I ask them if they need me to be careful with anything. Anytime I roll with a female or smaller male, I ask them how hard they want me to go or if they want to train a specific position or situation. At my old gym I had it down to a pretty precise science who had what preferences during live rolls. Some of my fellow young guys wanted to go crazy like it was an actual tournament. Ian, an older man built like a gorilla, wanted to test my attacks from different positions. Marie was a firecracker, a soccer mom at first glance but a monster on the mat. She didn't want anything more than 1/4 my strength but wanted me to sweep, counter, or attack any weaknesses I saw as we rolled. This younger teen girl was always bashful about attempting submissions, so I always got full mount, I always had her trap and roll me, and I always talked her through going for the cross choke or armbar. All of this is why I feel that the BJJ community is so beautiful. No matter your background, physical condition, or experience, you can grow as an individual with any other individual when working together on the mats.
Any time you sweat 😓 in your clothes and it dries only the other person will be able to smell it. Like smoking. The smoker can't tell but anyone else can smell it.
Especially the next day. The best thing to do is tell them they smell like sweat did you not wash your gee change into a clean one and I will roll with you. 'That's it' it's the best thing to do. That's being nice to them.
i just had my first session today, i only rolled with my friend and a couple guys.
seems like the solution is to just jump in the water and let it be uncomfortable until it isn't, right? all in the head
i dont think that you could even get (or give) a black eye, if practicing correct (present, respectful, intentional, conscious) jiu jitsu. that's not even a target, striking is not the mechanism
That's his Wife?? I thought that was his granddaughter.
The power of hair dye my friend. That dude isn’t old, he just has a grey beard. The guys skin isn’t old at all. Some guys go grey in their teens man
@@thomasmcshane2438he’s way older than her lol
I’m not keen TBH. Don’t feel like I should fight properly and dominate and tap like I could l.
with all due respect, something is wrong with your microphone. My volume is high and I have severe problems to hear you.
I have no problem
No problem here
Mine is fine as well
The volume is a little low but I dont think its a mic problem. They probably just have to volume on the track a little low.
I agree with you Daniel. It's a little too low for me (using phone, maybe its better on pc)
These two definitely have a connection lmfao
They’re married 🤷🏻♂️😂
He said “that sucks hahaha“ 😂
I am very new at BJJ and rolling with women is still VERY awkward. I am 100% happily married and the wife couldn't care less, but I want to be respectful and a gentleman and not accidentally touch the squishy parts to the point where I KNOW it's me making it awkward. I don't know how to get past that. My subconscious says to just roll with men, but that isn't reality. It is NOT that they are women and are fragile or any nonsense like that, I don't actually know what it is. Get over it, I get it...
i was the same way when i started, but you’ll get over it. I always use the “go at the same speed they’re going at” I’ve worked with some woman who gave me a run for my money where i had to turn it up and i’ve worked with some women who were very nervous and we just flowed. I’m always hyper aware of where i put my hands when rolling with women because i’d feel weird too if someone brushed up on me. But women will know when it’s an accident and when it’s not an accident. Just roll safe and match the intensity of your partner whether it’s a man or woman.
A man would’ve never been bothered about being called “just a white belt”. Is what it is.
It was a joke man relax
I had a women injure my ankle because I was going easy. I figure if a women wants to be treated like a man then treat her like a man.
Did she injure you purposely?
I think once someone feels a little pain, getting a knee to the inner thigh, getting a fist to the part under the sternum, all of the sexualization that would’ve been there would have disappeared. I haven’t rolled with a female yet, but I can’t imagine even remotely thinking of something perverted if I’m all bruised up or whatever. I wouldn’t think of sexualizing a female rolling partner anyway, but I’m just saying. Even more so when you’re trying to strangle each other. Lol
BJJ should be taught in HS
can a woman take on an enraged man after said training? is she learning to take a punch to the face and ribs? this is where i see it as a false sense of security.
The goal is to NOT take the punch, regardless of gender. But I get your point/concern. It's a valid concern for both genders but, in context of being a victim of an almost certainly male assailant, it's a bigger question for women bjj practitioners to ponder.
Their creed and their sum of all infinity pain is linked to their direct treatment of kids, women, and wives. That’s good but its it’s sure as heck ain’t me or you. Thanks…
I'm sorry but the female has to be mature enough to roll with a male. Accidental collisions and injuries happen, - a female can't react like she's being bullied or attacked. Most females I spare with are ok. We have one female who is just a jerk - and gets upset when she gets tapped or gets smashed a little when positions are transitioned. She's only ok if she's winning or dominating which requires me to do nothing. I don't spar with her anymore.
men should simply avoid these situations altogether by not training with women and that is the best advice today.
Only in Ohio
The audio is too quiet😙
Would be awkward if your sparring a girl and her breast came out. I'm sure it dose happens sometimes. By the way I would never want to spare a guy who's barechest. That's disgusting. Would probably stop coming to class if men were barechest 😄
So women don't like wet noodles... check.
Its the same for me.. dudes or women. Ill armbar a chick, i dont care.
I don't feel comfortable rolling with females
If you old man don't roll with teen girls
The real problem training with girls is: it s a waste of time. Unless you are a no experience white belt boy vs a purple belt girl. Otherwise look for a guy for real training. Inclusivity sucks
You sound like a moron saying that. It's not impossible for women to have skills just like how men do. Many women I know are extremely skilled and worth rolling with and are not purple belts. Use your brain.
@@Aly9315 i do. And equality of opportunities doesn t translate into equality of outcomes.
ive seen girls in class that are absolute killers.
Ooof.....be careful you don’t turn into an incel with that attitude
So you are only to take, not to give back?
Rolling is about BOTH parties learning. You sound and almost certainly are a total douche
Sorry cant get past the wife part. Yeah, shes old enough now to make ger own decisions. Yeah I dont know the exact age gap. But based on appearances id put you at least twice her age which means to me you have been eyeing them since they were young and waiting til they were old enough to have your way with them. I'm prejudiced against this I'll admit. Ive seen it way too many times and for the most part theyre all the same. Fuckin chomo in waiting, just enough self control where you dont go to prison cause nobody can legally bitch or complain.
And yes I'm the only thumbs down at this point
Aside from the accusation that my husband is a child predator, I'll take that as a compliment. I was in college when we met - and not through jiu-jitsu. We've been married 19 years.