Heard a Jim Carrey quote I often often think about it goes something like "Solitude is dangerous, it’s addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It's like being with others becomes a drain on yourself" and it's often hard to dispel habits like that.
What an amazing quote. really wish I heard this one coming out of senior year.. literally sums up my actions and thought process ever since graduating and it sucks
It's hard to make friends, I consistently try to make friends but usually I feel like other people just aren't interested in talking. Some people aren't good at it, and some just dislike talking while simultaneously wanting a friend. So the more you try the more it feels like maybe there's something wrong with you, that you're annoying people. It's personally how I feel when it comes to making new friends.
Trust me everyone goes through it, as long as you don’t give up you’ll find what you’re looking for. There are even cases that it’ll just come to you when you weren’t expecting to find it. I found my wife because I accidentally shot her daughter because my gun went off while I was jumping on a trampoline and the stray bullet hit her when she was riding her bike in the neighborhood so then I a complete stranger offered to rush her to the hospital and here I am now in a loving relationship with a family.
@@markmunoz6324 I agree with this, limiting an online presence and self-improvement are key. It's not like we're saying you have to be jacked to make friends btw, it's just that going to the gym and actively trying to improve yourself, even if you don't want to be big, does wonders for self-confidence and eventually, you will feel the need to put yourself out there.
@@user-ze6ns9pq2y i wouldn’t say that’s how he got his wealth. He got the money has today by playing smart and saving and using his subscriber base to his advantage like any other youtuber
@@damjanp7920 Amen brother, I’m tired of these left leaning elitists and their creative weird anime profile pictures. Let’s go back to having one color and the first letter of our name, just as our founding fathers intended.
I agree with the advice mostly. Though the problem is when I do go outside I don't have a reason to talk to people.. If I go to a café or the gym or just walking along the street etc, the large majority of people aren't there to have conversations with a stranger. So it would feel weird trying to force conversations, I could be out all day and not have a reason to talk to someone nor them to me.
Yeah, I agree. His examples like that aren’t good because typically those aren’t situations in which you are going to be awfully sociable. Unless you already doing those things with friends
But that’s you putting limitations on yourself. Plenty of people do it, and I’ve met plenty of people just from simple things like, idk, a comment about a jacket, or saying they like my boots or have the same pair. Just because you can’t think of things to say, doesn’t mean there isn’t any. Now, I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not, but it’s possible, it only depends on the individual
I was an acute awkward introvert, what really helps me whenever I'm putting myself out there is that *I just accept that I'm gonna be making socially awkward mistakes because I'm lacking even the most basic social experience* so whenever it happens I just say to myself "well I didn't know that... so it's not really my fault, but now that I know let's not make that mistake again" and then apologize if necessary but if not then just laugh it off or even just move on if no one was aware of it, some people will still find it rude or weird but as long as you didn't commit actual crime with your awkward mistakes you should do just fine cause they'll understand you and you'll get better over time, just keep improving by learning from your mistakes, like a souls game really.
Nice! It can be helpful too if you think about that most people you meet and interact with some way won't remember you, even if you frick up infront of them. Memories are fading, and if you are an intro they will forget you more easiely. I don't know, for me this is so much comfort, especially when I think about that after I die, nothing will matter. Maybe this is stupid, I don't know.
I believe every single person has a form of mental issues. Some people are just more afflicted and some people have found their most effective coping mechanisms.
Currently, every person below the age of 18 I know has a diagnosed mental problem and/or some form of trauma/abuse so I'd say you're god damn right. I am yet to see a single truly healthy person irl
@@cgme9535 And the issue is those all play into each other. The lonelier you are the more hopeless you feel and the more hopeless you feel the more you feel like it's best to stay alone and obv stress ontop ofthat
Going outside and being around people is not a bad piece of advice, but I wish more people were aware of the fact that loneliness can often be a much more complex issue. It can involve self esteem, anxiety, trauma, full-on mental disorders etc. (some people are alone because they are being abused, and it's not their fault). And while it's true that you can't truly develop social skills without real human interaction, sometimes it takes mental health education, reading, therapy, and lots and lots of work on yourself before you can even get to that step. Sometimes it's much more complex than "just stop being a doomer." I'm not saying don't give any advice at all, but it shouldn't be presented if the solution is simple and straightforward when it might not be the case for some people.
@@DeuteriumGames true. for anybody reading this, Psychology Today has lots of good articles written by licensed therapists. At the very least, it'll get you out of the sphere of shitty, baseless internet advice.
I think the reason for his rant is because Charlie was at that loneliness spot and cringed at how he used to be, and even though it was hard to get out of it he pushed through. Of course there may be complex underlying issues involved, but sometimes simply being around others and getting yourself out in seemingly uncomfortable positions is the push that can help people to interact with others more. The scenario for the majority of chatters he responded to is likely the same place he was in at one point; complaining about being lonely but not doing anything about it It's also fine if you're lonely and don't mind it, even better if you can interact with others since it helps in day-to-day life
@@sebisonic yeah a lot of people problems are more complex, I think Charlie refers to a specific kind of people and how he used to be rather than all people who feel alone
ultimately most of these resources arent accessible for most people, and the only remaining viable solution is to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to grow as a person
The most solid advice you can find online is that you should get offline, go outside and meet people irl. It's pretty simple and basic, but the most terminally online people seem to miss this part. Like me for example. I come up with excuses like "I have anxiety" like, no shit. It becomes worse the more I isolate myself.
Yeah I’m seeing that attitude in the comments a good bit. Sorry but the internet can both isolate us and bring is together. Its easier to find clubs for hobbies and meeting people can be done over an app. Some people isolated themselves and now don’t know how to socialize (which I am absolutely guilty of)
I love this conversation. Its essentially the "third place" conversation. The "third place" in people's lives used to be a local pub or a place where the entire town could get together when they were away from their "first place" (home) and "second place" (work) to decompress and actually build social capital. When those places were taken away due to the rise in suburban living, people had less social experiences that are needed to keep someone sane. Add to this the rise of the internet which gives a fake social experience and you end up with a large portion of people having almost no social circles. This all leads to the numbers Charlie brought up in the video and is just sad. We need to go back to having places where people can hang out with other people that isn't solely there to extract value out of you.
This also extends to car dependency. If you drive a metal box, by yourself, from your home to your work without ever even seeing another human’s face except on a billboard you’re going to have a very hard time building a social circle outside of your coworkers.
Church is a good third space. Whether you're religious or not, it's true that religion has a strong social benefit. The decline of religion is playing a part.
@@Luka_935 I actually had just moved schools in 2019, so I was with newer people but I established a friend group pretty quickly. I then moved again to where my old friends went in 2021. I'm always trying to put the effort but I just feel like my brain doesn't work the same I have plenty of friends just to be clear
Book recommendations for the men out there struggling: Mans Search for Meaning - Viktor E. Frankl Meditations - Marcus Aurelius Letters From A Stoic - Seneca Enchiridion - Epictetus Models: How To Attract Women Through Honesty - Mark Manson The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle The Consolations of Philosophy - Both the Boethius version as well as the later Alain de Botton 12 Rules For Life - Jordan Peterson How To Be Strong, Healthy and Happy - Bob Hoffman Leadership, Strategy and Tactics - Jocko Willink Up From Slavery - Booker T. Washington Modern Man in Search of a Soul - Carl Jung
his advice might work for some people but its definitely not the ultimate cure to loneliness. nothing is ever that simple and people become lonely for such a wide variety of reasons, espeicially today. being a doomer or "chronically online" is only one of them
Obviously it won’t work for everyone and is not the ulitmate cure, but the key to changing your perspective, life, and habits is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. You have to put yourself out there. Number one thing that made me enjoy life, friends, and family is love yourself. Be happy with what you have and be grateful and do the work to change what you don’t like about yourself.
@@fullsend4976 That’s tough if you constantly get rejected by people when you do try to be friends. Not saying your wrong but to have confidence you need a win along with that so that you know you can do it. If I fail every Maths test I’m not gonna be confident because I haven’t had one win
I've never really struggled with making friends, but I'd still like to share my experience with y'all if it's alright. For basically my entire life, I've been pretty good at making friends; I could just walk up to someone and start a conversation, crack jokes, get their number, then just sort of leave. I had a lot of friendly acquaintances, numerous friends, and a tight-knit group of about 8 guys who were so close we might as well have been brothers. Then COVID hit, and I stopped seeing my acquaintances, and my not-so-close friends became more distant. Of course, me and "the boys" still called on Discord group chats pretty much every day, but it was an odd experience. Then, about 4 months into lockdown, I noticed exactly how much the lack of physical, personal communication was affecting me and my friends. Our conversations were pretty much fueled by energy drinks and ADHD. We're pretty much all introverts, but I swear to you the first time we all got together for lunch during the pandemic was actually magical. Loneliness is dangerous and vicious, but it affects you silently, like fuckin' sea snake venom. I know it's really cliché and cringe to say "go touch grass", but it's genuinely good for your mental health, even if you think you prefer being alone (probably, I'm not a psychologist). Have a nice day to whoever took the time to read this :)
I dunno im sorry if im being mean,but for me i just find it hard to be true. i always thought that was the case, so i take chances in hanging out with groups even talked to them and all but i didnt end up getting friends. Touching grass is one thing but then what you do after is what i feel like my problem is... that part is what i think most seek advice for. going outside is good for mental health but it's not really the solution for people to make good talks, i have gone outside like most people have but that's not really helping me become a smooth talker to people... whenever im on public, i just feel that makes me actually dumb and stupid.
Yeah, what he says is mostly correct, specially during college. The problem is when you finish it, and not much time later you realize the friends you made weren't really your friends because both of you liked to be around each other, they were circumstance friends that eventually stop responding to messages or never text first. Making friends is not hard, the hard part is making good ones, or at least find them. Trying to put yourself out there after college is really hard because everyone is bound by work, and let's be honest, you don't want to make friends at the club, neither are you really gonna find what you're looking for in a dating app if you want something serious.
why wouldnt you wanna make friend on a club? like if you like a sport, like judo or something, and you join a club of said sport. You will be surrounded by people that enjoy the same thing and maybe even share more interests.
@@heronekkotheanimer7386 Like Julius:) said, I meant club like a disco. While I agree that sports or such are a great way to meet people with similar hobbies, it's not really the most affordable option for young men who just started working and are either living paycheck to paycheck, trying to make it alone, or people who live with parents trying to help out and seeing essentials getting progressibly more expensive. Where I live sports clubs and gym are at minimum 50€ if you're lucky, while the minimum wage is around 700€. Renting a single room is approaching 300-400€. One can try to better himself but it's increasingly hard being optimist when you look around.
she i genuinely needed to read this. i graduated last year and felt like i should tick those kinds of boxes as soon as possible of my "ill wait until after education" list, rushing friends and a relationship after 20 years of working.
i had more friends in high school then college, then again in college is when my mental illness got bad, i was in and out of the hospital as many times as i was in class
I got very fortunate, and made best "real life" friends with an online friend. I consider it a blessing we were able to stay close, even though we don't game too much anymore. Only issue is the distance between us. He's helped me to become a better person, and I'm forever grateful. I wish the same for everyone experiencing loneliness.
its strange how there are so many people online who say they could use a friend but irl whenever you try making connections, most people dont seem even remotely interested. where are all the lonely people who need a friend at 🤧😭
as someone who has met some of closest friends (some ive been friends with for almost 7 years) online remember that theres nothing better for you than a PHYSICAL friend to hang out with occasionally
@@Void-Knull humans are social animals. Aside from outliers, it is pretty much always true. We evolved to interact with each other in person on a daily basis, not communicate with people on Twitter
Charlie gave the best advice for a young adult growing up right now, it’s sad knowing many will still be exploited by individuals pushing terrible advice online.
I’ve been watching since the QWOP days, and to see this man’s growth and still being able to maintain his down to earth sense of sense always makes me so happy, you go Charlie, you hecking go man your an inspiration for me
I never really learned how to make friends throughout middle school or high school so now I'm 3 years into uni, lonely as fuck. I just can't bring myself to actually approach people and start conversations as childish as that may sound.
Like Charlie said, the best way to start is by putting yourself around people. For example, if you're at a gym you can exercise and possibly interact with others who also share the same activity that you do. Might be hard but the first push is always the hardest, once you get past that it becomes more casual over time 👍
i mean you can have worse where you definitely dont look desperate at all... i do legit with no hesitating, going to gym, game tournament, classes, work place, even roomates...still no people, i tweet and i get zero likes, and 5 views
Btw, I know some people have a tough time making friends. Trust me, as someone who even two years before the pandemic, never left the house. Just going places where people were around, helped me so much over time. It might take you a while, and that's ok. What's important is you're trying.
I guess it depends on how someone defines loneliness. I have plenty of friends, and a public facing job. I talk to a lot of people on a fairly regular basis. I even have roommates. Some people would say that's not lonely but it definitely feels that way.
There's lack of human interaction and lack of human affection even if that affection is just helping you through a tough time some people don't even get that much.
Maybe you don’t see those people as friends. Or maybe there’s another part missing you feel the need to get. I think stopping for a bit and look around and appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you’re missing could be a good approach, one I do all the time.
Thats the difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and not lonely and you can be lonely but not alone. I would say the latter is the worse.
While I do appreciate Charlie's intentions, I think he's really oversimplified the situation, loneliness is much more complex than just "putting yourself out there and make friends" there's a lot of factors that play into it, mental health issues like depression for example can really close someone off from those around them, along with anxiety disorders, people on the autism spectrum sometimes have trouble with socializing as well and in some cases I'm sure that could cause some people to feel lonely as well, I agree that buying courses and stuff won't work, they do exploit people for money and yes, there are people who will like you for who you are, even if it feels like an impossibility (believe me, I know that feeling very well) but I do think loneliness is so complex and the tough love approach, isn't for everyone and that's okay, my best advice, is if you're struggling with loneliness regardless of what it might be caused by, there are mental health charities and organisations of all sorts that can help you, those first steps aren't easy, I, myself am currently getting help with my mental health and the issues that stem from it, loneliness being one of them but you can do it, even it it feels impossible ❤️
I can't ever see myself ever being married or having like genuine friends I can hangout with, but I'll never pay for to get friends. But I know I have to try harder too
what we see in our future is commonly based on what our lives are like in the current moment. be strong and remember that youre not alone in your loneliness.
I used to be that guy too, and I was fine with it. What changed everything for me was when I went to community college, moved into the on-site campus dorms and met dozens of people just like me. I really didn't know what I was missing. I made lots of friends and still speak with some of them today.
Really? I found my best and most supporting friends on the gym, maybe im just lucky or here(brasil) is different, but i dont feel like people are judging others, sometimes we even make parties and literally invite everyone
People watch too many movies & think the gym is just a bunch of smelly, egotistical jocks that judge everyone in their sights. In reality, gyms are the best place to meet kind hearted people. Gym bros (and gym gals), are really the most cool people you can meet. Try not to interrupt people mid-workout, but feel free to ask for advice on a certain workout or routine. Lounges, steam rooms or saunas, as well as basketball or tennis courts are also great ways to meet to people. Don’t believe the stereotypes, gyms are a great place to socialize for health & life advice. Again, just don’t interrupt someone mid-workout, nobody likes that.
Gym is not a social place (from my experience). However working out releases a lot endorphins and serotonin which greatly improves your mood. It'll also help to reduce the feel of loneliness and isolation. Gym may not be everyone's tea but exercising in some way is super essential to improve your mood. If you're socially awkward at the gym, just remember no one gives a fuck about you or the people around them. People are at the gym to stick to their regime and do their daily exercise
Having a boring personality and horrible social anxiety are a fucking awful mix when trying to make friends. It feels like the universe just wants me to be alone for the rest of my life
It’s not easy to make friends honestly. You have to be uncomfortable for the most part and put yourself out there but I promise you your efforts will be rewarded. I recently moved to a new city where I know no one and I was able to build up a decent group of friends. These things take time for sure, and the results aren’t immediate but keep at it
Yeah its rough, especially when people have been lonely for years and have been marinating in this self defeatist mindset. Any person with even a crumb of respect for their own intelligence is gonna think after like 5 or 10 years of being like that "theres no way i havent figured this shit out, like im not such a moron that it took me a decade to arrive at the completely wrong conclusion", so any advice is tossed away. Which sucks because its not an intellect problem, its an experience problem.
@@rox3725 Charlie isn’t responsible for making people listen to him. It’s the individual’s responsibility to actually want to listen and learn. Those willing to make a change in their lives instead of staying online
I think one major issue that is contributing to increased loneliness is that there's also an increase in mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression. Charlie's advice is good and it could help a lot of people, but for anyone dealing with major anxiety and depression, just going outside your house can be extremely difficult, let alone trying to socialize with strangers. You end up outside of society, and getting back in gets harder and harder. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for well over 10 years now and I lost all my friends and haven't been able to make any new ones.
That is one thing these ✨lifestyle ✨ influencers say that is actually true: you don’t grow in your comfort zone; you grow when you get put in unfamiliar situations. No one ever changes when their circumstances stay the same
The best advice for life is to just live and be kind. By doing that opportunities of creating relationships will come. For example I have a group of friends I regularly talk with and I also have a partner. And all of this came despite me not searching for it, in other words things will just come naturally. A example of this is when one of my friends had a break up and after some time he wanted to get back in the dating scene. And I just told him to not focus on looking for a potential partner but to just live his life since that's how I met my partner. Some time later he was able to find a partner which made me happy.
I reeeaaally hate going outside. I try to spend every second alone in my room in absolute bliss. Which isn't easy since I have a job. Also having friends is kinda work. And alone time is a reward for spending time with them
The whole thing of putting a face of "go away, idgaf" is real. I used to be like that, then when someone would talk to me I'd not know how to react and during conversations my thoughts would end up being negative about everything. Always saying "no, I think that thing sucks" to stuff the other person was talking about, so OFC being around me wouldn't be a good experience for the other person. I wasn't even enjoying being negative myself. What I needed to do was to be more positive, when someone is having a conversation about... idk, a game you don't like too much, you won't say u dislike it straight away, try saying what you do like about it instead. For example, I don't like Boruto, the new Naruto series, but when someone talks to me about it, I won't tell what I don't like about it, I'd rather ask like I'm interested to learn more "oh yeah I know, so boruto has that new eye power right? umm, what's it called? how did he get that thing? I've heard that power is rly strong". Basically yea, pretend to be interested. Won't harm anyone, and u'll definitely learn more and maybe even change the way u see something. The doomer mood, it pushes people away, it scares them off and in their minds they'll think "why is that person so negative? geez". I know so because I'm the one thinking this now. Been a couple of years I changed, and I used to also have social anxiety. Still do, unfortunately for me I can't get rid of it, but I learnt a trick to make me calm so the anxiety doesn't trigger. It's to stop caring too much. The actual IDGAF about u, but I'm giving u a chance. I'd focus a lot more in what the person is actually saying and trying to respond to it with seriousness, just so I don't feel like acting nice or out of politeness. It works for me, I'm not sure how to explain it. It's not like acting cold, just like trying not to care about pleasing the other person and focus in YOU heaving fun instead. So like, in a conversation, you start pushing for subjects YOU like, not the other way around. And believe me, it's a matter of practice. The more u use techniques to overcome it, the more natural it feels and you'll finally act like yourself with pretty much everyone else, even strangers won't feel like a burden to talk to. Took me a couple of years, but I didn't go out much, but if u do, there'll be a lot more interactions with people (more practice) than I had.
I think there is a fundamental difference between being alone and being/ feeling lonely. Even when you have people who surround you and support you, you can still feel lonely because you don’t feel as if you dont fit in with them or that they don’t truly understand or connect with you in the way you want. It’s something that I struggle with constantly. I think it really comes down to whether or not you “feel lonely”. At least that’s the best way I can explain it. It just seems like people like Charlie are undermining this sort of mental health kind of struggle
Then it comes down to actual an psycological thing instead of a lack of friends and that is a thing only you (maybe with help of a specialist) can fix. In this case more friends really wont help much.
@@heronekkotheanimer7386 yeah, it’s more of a mental/spiritual thing for sure. But this is a thing that people legimately deal with and people seem to be willfully ignorant about that kind of thing.
I don't think people should ask internet personas for advice, they don't know you and empathizing with you could be pretty difficult. That being said, I also don't think that it's fine telling someone what they feel or what they struggle with is invalid. What these people are going through are more complex than we want to believe.
Whenever you're feeling bad about yourself. Just remember, you're not James Corden. I remind myself of that every day. It's the most uplifting thing you can tell yourself.
Honestly, I know there is a bad stigma around them but I joined a fraternity in my first year of uni and it did wonders for me. I'm not saying it has to be a fraternity specifically but the main point, which is what charlie did with his roommate situation, is thrusting yourself into a group that can help you with the social skills you lack. I'm in Canada and I will say fraternities operate differently here but man I'll tell you these guys try to lift you up and you will get thrown into uncomfortable situations but that's the point. Just keep in mind that you yourself need to want it and actively try and never give up, we as humans are capable of so much and you can become a completely different person in one year by changing your habits. I did get lucky and I was surrounded by genuinely good people, but it's not like everyone was looking out for me I appropriated myself with 3 main guys and went from there. No one who is nice will ask you to do something blatantly stupid so be sure to not fall for any traps and let people take advantage of you, and like I said it doesn't have to be a fraternity: student orgs, sports teams, and clubs are also great options.
The right social groups can help a lot. But, to touch in what you mentioned at the end, college kids also need to err on the side of caution because they haven’t completely developed a sense of self, let alone, a mature worldview. A lot of religious cults and other high control groups also operate on campuses, and they are constantly looking new recruits to buy into their elaborate scams. People who are lonely and looking for friends are especially vulnerable to their manipulation tactics. Yes, you should join good social groups and network with others. But, as the old saying goes, “look before you leap”. Ask questions, and do your research on the groups on campus. Not every social group has your best interest at heart.
Sometimes being alone and feeling even more alone surrounded by people is a more lonely feeling too, I'm glad I've gotten some real friends in the last few years but yeah the world sucks Charlie's advice is solid tho keep searching for a group of people that are great for you.
I haven’t hung out with friends in months.. I feel lonely sometimes but I don’t like going out anyways so being alone is fine to me and great at times. Only 19, plan on having a family in my 30s so we’ll be ight. Our Ancestors had it way tougher so if my only problem is being lonely.. I’ll gladly take that
Being lonely in a world of billions only just begins to highlight modern difficulties, at least our ancestors didn’t have to be excessively anxious and self-conscious while dealing with our pathetic modern dating rituals.
@@Wolf-yp2qk yea it’s weird how people just, almost universally, assume people today are just inherently weaker to not be able to tolerate shit. It is it’s own kind of qualitative horror to have such “little” things be your biggest problems. And with it having never happened before in history, nobody really gets to say how people “should” be reacting to it. It’s a totally new phenomena. Ffs we have the *internet* and humans are really out here trying to pretend they can just hand wave away any unwanted consequences it came with😂
I can't even rebuttal anything he said. It's true but it doesn't help since the issues are emotional. It's like telling a someone, who lost their mom or dad, that people die all the time. Like it's not going to stop whatever emotion they're feeling.
Yeah I get Charlie isn't a therapist but I wish people were more aware of the self-esteem issues that sometimes come with (and maybe even cause) loneliness. Even just a "get professional help" would've been a good addition to this advice.
I think cellphones play a huge part too. Now everyone texts or instagrams when they're alone. Before cellphones, people got bored and talked to the person next to them if alone
I was in the same position as Charlie throughout high school/early college. I hated myself, hated life and thought I’d always be alone. Now I’m 25 and the happiest I’ve ever been. I have a good group of friends and a wonderful partner. All it took was putting myself in a ton of awkward scary situations with other people. More people need to take Charlie’s advice
pretty surface level take, I get anxiety just from being around people, its just uncomfortable for people like me, in that way its the literal cliche, its not you its me. but perhaps it is my fault that I'm lonely, because its just too scary for me to be around people, Im a coward in that regard.
I go to the gym, I go outside for runs, I’ve made all these great life changes but I jsut struggle so greatly to make new friends at my high school. I go through phases of trying, not trying and blaming it on them for not trying to meet the new kid, blame it on myself, become reclusive, stop caring all together, and then go back to square one again or start feeling some other way. I guess the stuff in this video does apply to me. I’m just clinging to my old friends who I haven’t been able to see in real life and clinging to creators on the internet.
sometimes it's a bit more complex than just the doomer mentality. I've got a barrage of mental health issues, and loneliness is just a side effect of it. while going out definitely helps, i need more than that--hence therapy, meds, and trying to set up a support system. It's not so simple as "just go outside" because it's incredibly difficult. though charlie is definitely right in saying that the internet gives horrible advice and encourages loneliness and behavior that will only set you up for failure
I'm pretty online but my online friendships always turn into real friendships. There's definitely another factor to it. I think people love being judgemental so much they drive the real friendships away
@@pianoartist8830 Thanks for the compliment. However I am just a bitter old vet and like most people my age I think the world is going to hell in a hand basket. :)
Let's not ignore how expensive any kind of mental health help is in the USA. Not only are online influencers taking advantage of these people so is our healthcare system
The last time I had a circle of friends was back at TAFE over 15 years ago. Since then nothing. The more I think about it, the only friend circles I occupied were other people's. My sister and her ex-husband had their circle of friends. My folks have their circle of friends also and all I did was basically co-opted their circles. I've learned a long time ago that I basically don't need anyone and I'm OK with that. I've made peace with that crushing force of loneliness and if I reach the end of my line alone, I'm OK with that. Jeez, that opened up a sad can of worms for me.
I'm so happy I'm on the NDIS ( Australia disability) I have a social worker and he's a good friend of mine. I also have 2 really good female friends. I do have this 1 friend though. Who complains and bitches too much abit though. ( like the goverment not paying him enough) when he's hole bed room is worth more than my apartment. Lol
Its so hard breaking that shell at first but I’ve learnt that people are a lot nicer than they seen most of the time. Its really easy to simply get along with a peer.
All because of cell phones and social media people forgot how to talk to people in person, face-to-face. before cell phones you used to walk up to random people in random places and say hi. now everyone has anxiety talking to people.
Some people want to be alone. Introverts enjoy being alone. I understand if you or others don't understand it. But don't generalize that all people end up alone because they are a holes. Some choose to be like that. The question is why do they want to be like that and why civilized society produces people like that. It's a more complicated phenomenon than you want it to be.
@@justheretocommentokdontwan685 All throughout the history there have been people who took their stuff and built a house on the outskirts of the town or far away from it. We have to acknowledge that extrorevtism isn’t necessarily the human default. If you generalize and say that if you’re alone then you’re the problem is shortsighted and probably based on personal growth where at some point you were depressed, got over it and found a social circle and now look at the time you spent alone as your darkest hours but that’s just projecting your own struggles onto others. It’s wrong but I see how one logically gets there. I’m just saying there’s a bunch of people out there who chose to be alone as a better alternative. It does happen. The realization that you operate better when alone can also be considered personal growth in the world where you’re being bombarded by the social pressures about what healthy life looks like. At the end of the day you have to make that determination for yourself.
3:03 I think what said here is incorrect, I go to the gym, not to socialize but its just became a hobby that became part of my routine, do I know or talk to anyone there? Nope, does it make me less lonelier being at the gym? Nope,(in fact I get extremely annoyed by some people there LOL) until recently, I didn’t have any friends lol that’s just because I’m anti social and introverted so I’m at home most of my free time. Does that mean I take advice from content creators? No, but it does make me less lonely, doesn’t mean I’ll pay to be part of a group lol there are people like me who just prefer to be alone, and that’s fine😊 idk if I misinterpreted what he said but yea just wanted to say this 6:23 I usually am okay with what Charlie says but I just disagree with this whole video lol I have become anti social because of how people have treated me, sometimes you get hurt enough that you don’t want to try anymore so how is this “my” fault. I don’t think of myself as a doomer or anything like that, because I love talking to people, but idk, I think this is a perspective of someone who already has people around them that accepts them. Which is not fair to just point and say “it is your fault you’re alone”
That was an advice for terminally online people that usually have no contact with other living, breathing, human-shaped flesh objects as a way to get started. Not as an the end-all-be-all one-stop-shop for friends
@@HandleToBeDetermined that’s my point though, before that, all I did was work and stay at home. I was terminally online because I had no idea where to go to make friends especially since I don’t go out anywhere, that’s why I said “did going to the gym make me less lonelier? Nope” because I feel more or less about the same before and after, I’m just fit now lol
@@Void-Knull so basically your allowed to paint everyone with the "shitty" brush but Charlie isn't allowed to paint doomers with one? Just from your post you generalize people so why should anyone want to be your friend?
It is kind of a backwards mentality where you're like "The friends you meet online aren't real, that's why you're depressed. You need to go outside in the real world and meet real people." The fact that you can touch someone doesn't make them necessarily a better friend than someone online. Honestly, I think the problem is that communities on the internet are just so damn exclusionary, or too damn large. So, you can either go into a small community of 3-5 people chatting on Discord, which you'll have to search for, or more likely you'll end up in a community of 100 people where you feel like your voice can't be heard (same with Twitch chat and CZcams). There needs to be better communities online, I think, that offer more validation to people. I think that saying "The problem is that you need to interact with people the right way by going outside," mainly just shows a lack of accountability on the part of creators that their community isn't engaging enough, or validating enough people.
I needed to hear this. It is hard to make new friends but you have to keep going. Changing yourself for the better and eventually you can find someone to be friends with.
I will say that the best way to learn to socialize is to be around people. You don't even have to talk to everyone or anyone, just be present and be involved. Learn to be in the moment around people and don't be afraid to say hi or hello. The worst they could do is ignore you and even then, that says nothing about you but alot about them. Dont let shows and movies cliche interactions define actual human interaction. They are all fiction for a reason.
@Akira don't feel discouraged. as hard as it is to make friends, alot of people in this world are very rude or just outright mean. but another thing too, when you think about saying something to someone, how would you feel if someone said the same thing to you? would you be just as accepting as you'd hope the other would be? not saying what you might say is wrong or not appropriate, but just to give perspective on how things might go differently should you choose to change your approach.
@@sarahappleby1800 They as in the numerous women that he has multiple times basically admitted to sexually harassing. They weren't prostitutes to my knowledge. Not that it would matter.
I found volunteering wonderful for meeting people. Join groups to pick up trash, volunteer at community centers, volunteer to talk to the elderly or read to kids at the libraries, help out at the animal shelters. Adopt an animal and you will have a friend for life.🐶🐱
Yes I agree with Charlie that more people online means more social isolation and a lot of us are feeling that right now but also more people are turning to religion because spirituality is so needed or they feel so alone so they want to have some form of faith which I think is good religion teaches good philosophy and morals in my opinion
I mean I partially agree but I have a tight knit friend group of like 15+ people in a discord and we’ve all gotten to be super close friends, and each of us go to work and have lives outside of it, I don’t think pretending it’s impossible to make friends online is necessarily correct
most content creators are trying to sell you something. so many people get caugh up in their bullshit and buy into it literally but good ole charlie is just one of the bros spitting straight facts. almost all of the advice he gives is so level headed and genuine, an actual role model as much as he tries to hide it
Another thing that contributes to this phenomenon is the fact that some privileged individuals feel like they need to be a part of something, thus they seek out reassurance from say people like Andrew Tate, who’s advice leads them down a lonely path. This need sometimes comes from the fact that previously shunned groups (lgbtq+ people for example) are starting to form strong online and offline communities that represent them, thus counter movements like “straight pride” can be an amalgamation of hatred and jealousy. Certain people misinterpret merely leveling the playing field as being left behind or excluded from society, creating their own loneliness in the long run by indulging in the perceived one.
Once you learn to be content with yourself and being in your own space, and embrace it, it doesn't become a burden. You make peace with it. It's up to society to treat others better though, the whole "you have no friends" insult can weigh on people and make them feel that way. Having no friends or a small circle does not automatically mean loser or bad person, life is hard, people get burnt, they get hurt, and "lonliness" if you will, isn't their choice. Yes, there are bad people who alienate themselves warrentedly, that's different. But it's not everyone. Stay strong my brothers struggling with this. My circles always been quite small, now it's pretty much non-existent, but that's okay! I'm content in my own space
after i finish college all my friends have their own business while i do freelance, i don't talk to people because im an introvert, it even worse when most of my friends are successful in life and have a lo of other friends
From the stories of charlie past I am 100% confident that charlie is the most indicate people to give advice about loneliness. He was a peak weeb reditor and he maneged to get out of it, and seeing how popular and likeable he is now just prove how right his advice is. Another gigantic W to our Moist Man.
Heard a Jim Carrey quote I often often think about it goes something like "Solitude is dangerous, it’s addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It's like being with others becomes a drain on yourself" and it's often hard to dispel habits like that.
I like that
The internet definitely has made me want to be around people less.
What an amazing quote. really wish I heard this one coming out of senior year.. literally sums up my actions and thought process ever since graduating and it sucks
Bruh
Kinda hard when it's always been that way
Pretty glad Charlie is bringing this up and giving actionable advice, most creators just say I’m not your friend then leave it at that.
Real
@@Kxidence You can still be a nice person even if you're not obligated to
@@Kxidence but sometimes they act too much like friends and it could be hard to swallow for some kids
@@speedkirb Telling the truth (saying they’re not your friend) isn’t being mean.
@@Im.Smaher You can still give advice without being friends with someone.
There is a difference between the beauty of solitude and the crippling fear of isolation.
It's hard to make friends, I consistently try to make friends but usually I feel like other people just aren't interested in talking. Some people aren't good at it, and some just dislike talking while simultaneously wanting a friend.
So the more you try the more it feels like maybe there's something wrong with you, that you're annoying people.
It's personally how I feel when it comes to making new friends.
I know, you just have to keep trying
you and me both, im afraid of rejection thus i don't talk to people
@@meliorbutterfly rejection hurts. But never knowing hurts more
Trust me everyone goes through it, as long as you don’t give up you’ll find what you’re looking for. There are even cases that it’ll just come to you when you weren’t expecting to find it. I found my wife because I accidentally shot her daughter because my gun went off while I was jumping on a trampoline and the stray bullet hit her when she was riding her bike in the neighborhood so then I a complete stranger offered to rush her to the hospital and here I am now in a loving relationship with a family.
You just have to keep pushing until u stumble on someone who matches ur energy
Right before covid I was at the peak of my life and ever since March 2020 my mental health and sense of loneliness has gotten worse
Get in that gym grind and focus on yourself
Shut off the phone and go walk. I enjoy doing it because it clears my head
I understand how you feel hope you ok
@@markmunoz6324 I agree with this, limiting an online presence and self-improvement are key. It's not like we're saying you have to be jacked to make friends btw, it's just that going to the gym and actively trying to improve yourself, even if you don't want to be big, does wonders for self-confidence and eventually, you will feel the need to put yourself out there.
Don't blame covid. You just got older. Covid was a health measure.. I still saw my normal circle during that time. I just online shopped more.
I really don’t think i’ve ever seen charlie talk so long and passionately about a serious and deep subject.
fr he really is a good person with a lot of good values and he just wants to help. he prob knows there some people like that in his audience
@@dejaae8065 oh trust me, he knows there’s a lot of people like that in his audience. That’s how he got his wealth
@@user-ze6ns9pq2y i wouldn’t say that’s how he got his wealth. He got the money has today by playing smart and saving and using his subscriber base to his advantage like any other youtuber
"There are 7 billion people in the world. They can't all find you annoying."
Challenge accepted.
start by not having an anime pfp
@@damjanp7920 "Now that's a comment I've seen 69 times"
@@damjanp7920 Amen brother, I’m tired of these left leaning elitists and their creative weird anime profile pictures. Let’s go back to having one color and the first letter of our name, just as our founding fathers intended.
Don't make a Twitter account. It's not worth it!!
@@bluebomber875 reading that without seeing his comment sound mad racist 😂
I agree with the advice mostly.
Though the problem is when I do go outside I don't have a reason to talk to people.. If I go to a café or the gym or just walking along the street etc, the large majority of people aren't there to have conversations with a stranger. So it would feel weird trying to force conversations, I could be out all day and not have a reason to talk to someone nor them to me.
Yeah, I agree. His examples like that aren’t good because typically those aren’t situations in which you are going to be awfully sociable. Unless you already doing those things with friends
@@stratosphere2323 facts.
But that’s you putting limitations on yourself. Plenty of people do it, and I’ve met plenty of people just from simple things like, idk, a comment about a jacket, or saying they like my boots or have the same pair.
Just because you can’t think of things to say, doesn’t mean there isn’t any.
Now, I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not, but it’s possible, it only depends on the individual
Idk, if im in a cafe or gym and someone randomly starts talking to me id be annoyed unless you need help with something.
I think his point was to just first try being around people, not necessarily talking to them.
I was an acute awkward introvert, what really helps me whenever I'm putting myself out there is that *I just accept that I'm gonna be making socially awkward mistakes because I'm lacking even the most basic social experience* so whenever it happens I just say to myself "well I didn't know that... so it's not really my fault, but now that I know let's not make that mistake again" and then apologize if necessary but if not then just laugh it off or even just move on if no one was aware of it, some people will still find it rude or weird but as long as you didn't commit actual crime with your awkward mistakes you should do just fine cause they'll understand you and you'll get better over time, just keep improving by learning from your mistakes, like a souls game really.
Honestly being funny makes it so much easier. If you can just relax and crack a couple good timed jokes people will naturally just hang out with you.
That's really good advice, people most likely appreciate your sincerity and honesty. They are a virtue.
Nice! It can be helpful too if you think about that most people you meet and interact with some way won't remember you, even if you frick up infront of them. Memories are fading, and if you are an intro they will forget you more easiely.
I don't know, for me this is so much comfort, especially when I think about that after I die, nothing will matter. Maybe this is stupid, I don't know.
Tbh people who don't understand or don't think about why you did it, lack sympathy I've noticed.
You should never have to apologize for being yourself.
I think it's beyond loneliness, I feel like mental health issues are on the rise as well.
I believe every single person has a form of mental issues. Some people are just more afflicted and some people have found their most effective coping mechanisms.
Loneliness is definitely a current issue, but there are other issues like stress and hopelessness happening too, I think.
Currently, every person below the age of 18 I know has a diagnosed mental problem and/or some form of trauma/abuse so I'd say you're god damn right. I am yet to see a single truly healthy person irl
@@cgme9535 And the issue is those all play into each other. The lonelier you are the more hopeless you feel and the more hopeless you feel the more you feel like it's best to stay alone and obv stress ontop ofthat
Going outside and being around people is not a bad piece of advice, but I wish more people were aware of the fact that loneliness can often be a much more complex issue. It can involve self esteem, anxiety, trauma, full-on mental disorders etc. (some people are alone because they are being abused, and it's not their fault).
And while it's true that you can't truly develop social skills without real human interaction, sometimes it takes mental health education, reading, therapy, and lots and lots of work on yourself before you can even get to that step. Sometimes it's much more complex than "just stop being a doomer."
I'm not saying don't give any advice at all, but it shouldn't be presented if the solution is simple and straightforward when it might not be the case for some people.
true, which is why it's a good idea to push for more accessible mental health resources for people (in my eyes).
@@DeuteriumGames true. for anybody reading this, Psychology Today has lots of good articles written by licensed therapists. At the very least, it'll get you out of the sphere of shitty, baseless internet advice.
I think the reason for his rant is because Charlie was at that loneliness spot and cringed at how he used to be, and even though it was hard to get out of it he pushed through. Of course there may be complex underlying issues involved, but sometimes simply being around others and getting yourself out in seemingly uncomfortable positions is the push that can help people to interact with others more. The scenario for the majority of chatters he responded to is likely the same place he was in at one point; complaining about being lonely but not doing anything about it
It's also fine if you're lonely and don't mind it, even better if you can interact with others since it helps in day-to-day life
@@sebisonic yeah a lot of people problems are more complex, I think Charlie refers to a specific kind of people and how he used to be rather than all people who feel alone
ultimately most of these resources arent accessible for most people, and the only remaining viable solution is to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to grow as a person
The most solid advice you can find online is that you should get offline, go outside and meet people irl. It's pretty simple and basic, but the most terminally online people seem to miss this part. Like me for example. I come up with excuses like "I have anxiety" like, no shit. It becomes worse the more I isolate myself.
Very true, the “I can’t go outside I have anxiety” is like saying “I can’t work out I’m too fat”
Yeah I’m seeing that attitude in the comments a good bit. Sorry but the internet can both isolate us and bring is together. Its easier to find clubs for hobbies and meeting people can be done over an app. Some people isolated themselves and now don’t know how to socialize (which I am absolutely guilty of)
but people outside are total normies here i can find people like me
It's hard to do that when you're parents are overprotective and don't let you go outside...
I love this conversation. Its essentially the "third place" conversation. The "third place" in people's lives used to be a local pub or a place where the entire town could get together when they were away from their "first place" (home) and "second place" (work) to decompress and actually build social capital. When those places were taken away due to the rise in suburban living, people had less social experiences that are needed to keep someone sane. Add to this the rise of the internet which gives a fake social experience and you end up with a large portion of people having almost no social circles. This all leads to the numbers Charlie brought up in the video and is just sad. We need to go back to having places where people can hang out with other people that isn't solely there to extract value out of you.
Did you watch that one video by “Not Just Bikes” video? Cause if so….nice
This also extends to car dependency. If you drive a metal box, by yourself, from your home to your work without ever even seeing another human’s face except on a billboard you’re going to have a very hard time building a social circle outside of your coworkers.
Church is a good third space. Whether you're religious or not, it's true that religion has a strong social benefit. The decline of religion is playing a part.
I've been lonely for a couple years now, and it really sucks
The worst part is trying to get back to feeling connected but not being able to feel any connection whatsoever
same
@@ethansprague2005 consistency, try to spend more time with other people
@@Luka_935 I actually had just moved schools in 2019, so I was with newer people but I established a friend group pretty quickly. I then moved again to where my old friends went in 2021. I'm always trying to put the effort but I just feel like my brain doesn't work the same
I have plenty of friends just to be clear
Book recommendations for the men out there struggling:
Mans Search for Meaning - Viktor E. Frankl
Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
Letters From A Stoic - Seneca
Enchiridion - Epictetus
Models: How To Attract Women Through Honesty - Mark Manson
The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle
The Consolations of Philosophy - Both the Boethius version as well as the later Alain de Botton
12 Rules For Life - Jordan Peterson
How To Be Strong, Healthy and Happy - Bob Hoffman
Leadership, Strategy and Tactics - Jocko Willink
Up From Slavery - Booker T. Washington
Modern Man in Search of a Soul - Carl Jung
Love his take on it: "No one ends up alone, who actually tries" 6:43 (me out here writing the timestamp like a bible verse lmao)
I mean, it did come from Jesus, so ...
his advice might work for some people but its definitely not the ultimate cure to loneliness. nothing is ever that simple and people become lonely for such a wide variety of reasons, espeicially today. being a doomer or "chronically online" is only one of them
Obviously it won’t work for everyone and is not the ulitmate cure, but the key to changing your perspective, life, and habits is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. You have to put yourself out there. Number one thing that made me enjoy life, friends, and family is love yourself. Be happy with what you have and be grateful and do the work to change what you don’t like about yourself.
@@fullsend4976 I couldn't have said it any better
@@fullsend4976 That’s tough if you constantly get rejected by people when you do try to be friends. Not saying your wrong but to have confidence you need a win along with that so that you know you can do it. If I fail every Maths test I’m not gonna be confident because I haven’t had one win
It being the ultimate cure isn't relevant, it's just about being comfortable around other people
Charlie being wholesome is the best thing ever
I've never really struggled with making friends, but I'd still like to share my experience with y'all if it's alright. For basically my entire life, I've been pretty good at making friends; I could just walk up to someone and start a conversation, crack jokes, get their number, then just sort of leave. I had a lot of friendly acquaintances, numerous friends, and a tight-knit group of about 8 guys who were so close we might as well have been brothers. Then COVID hit, and I stopped seeing my acquaintances, and my not-so-close friends became more distant. Of course, me and "the boys" still called on Discord group chats pretty much every day, but it was an odd experience. Then, about 4 months into lockdown, I noticed exactly how much the lack of physical, personal communication was affecting me and my friends. Our conversations were pretty much fueled by energy drinks and ADHD. We're pretty much all introverts, but I swear to you the first time we all got together for lunch during the pandemic was actually magical. Loneliness is dangerous and vicious, but it affects you silently, like fuckin' sea snake venom. I know it's really cliché and cringe to say "go touch grass", but it's genuinely good for your mental health, even if you think you prefer being alone (probably, I'm not a psychologist).
Have a nice day to whoever took the time to read this :)
I dunno im sorry if im being mean,but for me i just find it hard to be true.
i always thought that was the case, so i take chances in hanging out with groups even talked to them and all but i didnt end up getting friends. Touching grass is one thing but then what you do after is what i feel like my problem is... that part is what i think most seek advice for. going outside is good for mental health but it's not really the solution for people to make good talks, i have gone outside like most people have but that's not really helping me become a smooth talker to people... whenever im on public, i just feel that makes me actually dumb and stupid.
Yeah, what he says is mostly correct, specially during college. The problem is when you finish it, and not much time later you realize the friends you made weren't really your friends because both of you liked to be around each other, they were circumstance friends that eventually stop responding to messages or never text first. Making friends is not hard, the hard part is making good ones, or at least find them.
Trying to put yourself out there after college is really hard because everyone is bound by work, and let's be honest, you don't want to make friends at the club, neither are you really gonna find what you're looking for in a dating app if you want something serious.
why wouldnt you wanna make friend on a club? like if you like a sport, like judo or something, and you join a club of said sport. You will be surrounded by people that enjoy the same thing and maybe even share more interests.
@@heronekkotheanimer7386 Im pretty sure they meant club like a bar or party type place
@@heronekkotheanimer7386 Like Julius:) said, I meant club like a disco. While I agree that sports or such are a great way to meet people with similar hobbies, it's not really the most affordable option for young men who just started working and are either living paycheck to paycheck, trying to make it alone, or people who live with parents trying to help out and seeing essentials getting progressibly more expensive. Where I live sports clubs and gym are at minimum 50€ if you're lucky, while the minimum wage is around 700€. Renting a single room is approaching 300-400€. One can try to better himself but it's increasingly hard being optimist when you look around.
she i genuinely needed to read this. i graduated last year and felt like i should tick those kinds of boxes as soon as possible of my "ill wait until after education" list, rushing friends and a relationship after 20 years of working.
i had more friends in high school then college, then again in college is when my mental illness got bad, i was in and out of the hospital as many times as i was in class
that random chat message that flew by "i have no limbs"
tf
I got very fortunate, and made best "real life" friends with an online friend. I consider it a blessing we were able to stay close, even though we don't game too much anymore. Only issue is the distance between us. He's helped me to become a better person, and I'm forever grateful. I wish the same for everyone experiencing loneliness.
its strange how there are so many people online who say they could use a friend but irl whenever you try making connections, most people dont seem even remotely interested. where are all the lonely people who need a friend at 🤧😭
as someone who has met some of closest friends (some ive been friends with for almost 7 years) online remember that theres nothing better for you than a PHYSICAL friend to hang out with occasionally
not always true
@@Void-Knull humans are social animals. Aside from outliers, it is pretty much always true. We evolved to interact with each other in person on a daily basis, not communicate with people on Twitter
Charlie gave the best advice for a young adult growing up right now, it’s sad knowing many will still be exploited by individuals pushing terrible advice online.
I’ve been watching since the QWOP days, and to see this man’s growth and still being able to maintain his down to earth sense of sense always makes me so happy, you go Charlie, you hecking go man your an inspiration for me
Sense of humor?
I never really learned how to make friends throughout middle school or high school so now I'm 3 years into uni, lonely as fuck. I just can't bring myself to actually approach people and start conversations as childish as that may sound.
Like Charlie said, the best way to start is by putting yourself around people. For example, if you're at a gym you can exercise and possibly interact with others who also share the same activity that you do. Might be hard but the first push is always the hardest, once you get past that it becomes more casual over time 👍
@@sebisonic nah just hanging out in a public place won't make you friends, you do have to make an attempt to socialize
You have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations
@@Void-Knull it makes you more comfortable being around people, so I’d say thats the first step
i mean you can have worse where you definitely dont look desperate at all... i do legit with no hesitating, going to gym, game tournament, classes, work place, even roomates...still no people, i tweet and i get zero likes, and 5 views
Btw, I know some people have a tough time making friends. Trust me, as someone who even two years before the pandemic, never left the house. Just going places where people were around, helped me so much over time. It might take you a while, and that's ok. What's important is you're trying.
I remember it was so bad as a kid I'd have family order for me
I guess it depends on how someone defines loneliness. I have plenty of friends, and a public facing job. I talk to a lot of people on a fairly regular basis. I even have roommates. Some people would say that's not lonely but it definitely feels that way.
There's lack of human interaction and lack of human affection even if that affection is just helping you through a tough time some people don't even get that much.
I didn’t hear girlfriend among those, that’s probably why.
Maybe you don’t see those people as friends. Or maybe there’s another part missing you feel the need to get. I think stopping for a bit and look around and appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you’re missing could be a good approach, one I do all the time.
Thats the difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and not lonely and you can be lonely but not alone. I would say the latter is the worse.
@@NamerGaming yes, feeling lonely is worse than not feeling lonely
Being not lonely is a skill just like anything else. It takes practice. If you are not practicing, then you are not changing/progressing.
i hate being around most ppl irl so i dont mind being alone
kindred spirit
no shame there, people are losers
Most people wouldn’t like being around most people
You won’t like everyone obviously
While I do appreciate Charlie's intentions, I think he's really oversimplified the situation, loneliness is much more complex than just "putting yourself out there and make friends" there's a lot of factors that play into it, mental health issues like depression for example can really close someone off from those around them, along with anxiety disorders, people on the autism spectrum sometimes have trouble with socializing as well and in some cases I'm sure that could cause some people to feel lonely as well, I agree that buying courses and stuff won't work, they do exploit people for money and yes, there are people who will like you for who you are, even if it feels like an impossibility (believe me, I know that feeling very well) but I do think loneliness is so complex and the tough love approach, isn't for everyone and that's okay, my best advice, is if you're struggling with loneliness regardless of what it might be caused by, there are mental health charities and organisations of all sorts that can help you, those first steps aren't easy, I, myself am currently getting help with my mental health and the issues that stem from it, loneliness being one of them but you can do it, even it it feels impossible ❤️
sometimes it is impossible
I mean its hard to talk about it in more details, because its different for everyone
@@Void-Knull impossible to find someone who likes you?
I broke my spine and literally can't meet up with anyone, it's not as easy as it says, but he's right about just being around people as a whole
Imagine being so lonely, scammers don't even call you anymore....
Scammers don’t call me anymore? Sweet!
i dont even get a message from my mobile network
I can't ever see myself ever being married or having like genuine friends I can hangout with, but I'll never pay for to get friends. But I know I have to try harder too
only if that's truly what you want
what we see in our future is commonly based on what our lives are like in the current moment. be strong and remember that youre not alone in your loneliness.
fact that you know that you have to try harder means that all hope is not lost.
I used to be that guy too, and I was fine with it. What changed everything for me was when I went to community college, moved into the on-site campus dorms and met dozens of people just like me. I really didn't know what I was missing. I made lots of friends and still speak with some of them today.
The gym is the most socially awkward place in the world, feels like everyone there is afraid that everyone else is judging them
Not meant to be a social place, just a place to workout
@@fluffly8935 then why tell lonely people to go to the gym? how does that solve their problem if it's not a social place?
Really? I found my best and most supporting friends on the gym, maybe im just lucky or here(brasil) is different, but i dont feel like people are judging others, sometimes we even make parties and literally invite everyone
People watch too many movies & think the gym is just a bunch of smelly, egotistical jocks that judge everyone in their sights. In reality, gyms are the best place to meet kind hearted people. Gym bros (and gym gals), are really the most cool people you can meet. Try not to interrupt people mid-workout, but feel free to ask for advice on a certain workout or routine. Lounges, steam rooms or saunas, as well as basketball or tennis courts are also great ways to meet to people. Don’t believe the stereotypes, gyms are a great place to socialize for health & life advice. Again, just don’t interrupt someone mid-workout, nobody likes that.
Gym is not a social place (from my experience). However working out releases a lot endorphins and serotonin which greatly improves your mood.
It'll also help to reduce the feel of loneliness and isolation. Gym may not be everyone's tea but exercising in some way is super essential to improve your mood.
If you're socially awkward at the gym, just remember no one gives a fuck about you or the people around them. People are at the gym to stick to their regime and do their daily exercise
Having a boring personality and horrible social anxiety are a fucking awful mix when trying to make friends. It feels like the universe just wants me to be alone for the rest of my life
Especially when you’ve missed critical milestones during development. At some point it becomes a biological problem.
Personality is/can be developed
"I don't need friends. They disappoint me." -- Carla Shaw
huge
It’s not easy to make friends honestly. You have to be uncomfortable for the most part and put yourself out there but I promise you your efforts will be rewarded. I recently moved to a new city where I know no one and I was able to build up a decent group of friends. These things take time for sure, and the results aren’t immediate but keep at it
Legitimately amazing advice Charles is giving here yet I’m sure it will fall on deaf ears
Then it's a failure on Charlie's part.
@@rox3725 No it's on the people not willing to listen
@@rox3725 that doesn't make sense
Yeah its rough, especially when people have been lonely for years and have been marinating in this self defeatist mindset. Any person with even a crumb of respect for their own intelligence is gonna think after like 5 or 10 years of being like that "theres no way i havent figured this shit out, like im not such a moron that it took me a decade to arrive at the completely wrong conclusion", so any advice is tossed away. Which sucks because its not an intellect problem, its an experience problem.
@@rox3725 Charlie isn’t responsible for making people listen to him. It’s the individual’s responsibility to actually want to listen and learn. Those willing to make a change in their lives instead of staying online
I think one major issue that is contributing to increased loneliness is that there's also an increase in mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression. Charlie's advice is good and it could help a lot of people, but for anyone dealing with major anxiety and depression, just going outside your house can be extremely difficult, let alone trying to socialize with strangers.
You end up outside of society, and getting back in gets harder and harder. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for well over 10 years now and I lost all my friends and haven't been able to make any new ones.
That’s for this dad. I need it
To get good at anything and growing in general. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust me it’s worth it.
That is one thing these ✨lifestyle ✨ influencers say that is actually true: you don’t grow in your comfort zone; you grow when you get put in unfamiliar situations. No one ever changes when their circumstances stay the same
The best advice for life is to just live and be kind. By doing that opportunities of creating relationships will come. For example I have a group of friends I regularly talk with and I also have a partner. And all of this came despite me not searching for it, in other words things will just come naturally.
A example of this is when one of my friends had a break up and after some time he wanted to get back in the dating scene. And I just told him to not focus on looking for a potential partner but to just live his life since that's how I met my partner. Some time later he was able to find a partner which made me happy.
I reeeaaally hate going outside. I try to spend every second alone in my room in absolute bliss. Which isn't easy since I have a job.
Also having friends is kinda work. And alone time is a reward for spending time with them
The whole thing of putting a face of "go away, idgaf" is real. I used to be like that, then when someone would talk to me I'd not know how to react and during conversations my thoughts would end up being negative about everything. Always saying "no, I think that thing sucks" to stuff the other person was talking about, so OFC being around me wouldn't be a good experience for the other person.
I wasn't even enjoying being negative myself. What I needed to do was to be more positive, when someone is having a conversation about... idk, a game you don't like too much, you won't say u dislike it straight away, try saying what you do like about it instead.
For example, I don't like Boruto, the new Naruto series, but when someone talks to me about it, I won't tell what I don't like about it, I'd rather ask like I'm interested to learn more "oh yeah I know, so boruto has that new eye power right? umm, what's it called? how did he get that thing? I've heard that power is rly strong". Basically yea, pretend to be interested. Won't harm anyone, and u'll definitely learn more and maybe even change the way u see something.
The doomer mood, it pushes people away, it scares them off and in their minds they'll think "why is that person so negative? geez". I know so because I'm the one thinking this now. Been a couple of years I changed, and I used to also have social anxiety. Still do, unfortunately for me I can't get rid of it, but I learnt a trick to make me calm so the anxiety doesn't trigger.
It's to stop caring too much. The actual IDGAF about u, but I'm giving u a chance. I'd focus a lot more in what the person is actually saying and trying to respond to it with seriousness, just so I don't feel like acting nice or out of politeness. It works for me, I'm not sure how to explain it. It's not like acting cold, just like trying not to care about pleasing the other person and focus in YOU heaving fun instead. So like, in a conversation, you start pushing for subjects YOU like, not the other way around.
And believe me, it's a matter of practice. The more u use techniques to overcome it, the more natural it feels and you'll finally act like yourself with pretty much everyone else, even strangers won't feel like a burden to talk to. Took me a couple of years, but I didn't go out much, but if u do, there'll be a lot more interactions with people (more practice) than I had.
I think there is a fundamental difference between being alone and being/ feeling lonely. Even when you have people who surround you and support you, you can still feel lonely because you don’t feel as if you dont fit in with them or that they don’t truly understand or connect with you in the way you want. It’s something that I struggle with constantly. I think it really comes down to whether or not you “feel lonely”. At least that’s the best way I can explain it. It just seems like people like Charlie are undermining this sort of mental health kind of struggle
Then it comes down to actual an psycological thing instead of a lack of friends and that is a thing only you (maybe with help of a specialist) can fix. In this case more friends really wont help much.
@@heronekkotheanimer7386 yeah, it’s more of a mental/spiritual thing for sure. But this is a thing that people legimately deal with and people seem to be willfully ignorant about that kind of thing.
yeah people around doesnt mean i will not be lonely. most people around me are dumb and different anyway. i want people like me
I don't think people should ask internet personas for advice, they don't know you and empathizing with you could be pretty difficult. That being said, I also don't think that it's fine telling someone what they feel or what they struggle with is invalid. What these people are going through are more complex than we want to believe.
"There's 7 million people on this planet, Do you think you annoy them all?" I don't but I do now have a new life goal.
When we treat one another the way we do, loneliness is to be expected.
Whenever you're feeling bad about yourself. Just remember, you're not James Corden. I remind myself of that every day. It's the most uplifting thing you can tell yourself.
bold move by Charlie, calling out his whole audience
Honestly, I know there is a bad stigma around them but I joined a fraternity in my first year of uni and it did wonders for me. I'm not saying it has to be a fraternity specifically but the main point, which is what charlie did with his roommate situation, is thrusting yourself into a group that can help you with the social skills you lack. I'm in Canada and I will say fraternities operate differently here but man I'll tell you these guys try to lift you up and you will get thrown into uncomfortable situations but that's the point. Just keep in mind that you yourself need to want it and actively try and never give up, we as humans are capable of so much and you can become a completely different person in one year by changing your habits. I did get lucky and I was surrounded by genuinely good people, but it's not like everyone was looking out for me I appropriated myself with 3 main guys and went from there. No one who is nice will ask you to do something blatantly stupid so be sure to not fall for any traps and let people take advantage of you, and like I said it doesn't have to be a fraternity: student orgs, sports teams, and clubs are also great options.
The right social groups can help a lot. But, to touch in what you mentioned at the end, college kids also need to err on the side of caution because they haven’t completely developed a sense of self, let alone, a mature worldview. A lot of religious cults and other high control groups also operate on campuses, and they are constantly looking new recruits to buy into their elaborate scams. People who are lonely and looking for friends are especially vulnerable to their manipulation tactics. Yes, you should join good social groups and network with others. But, as the old saying goes, “look before you leap”. Ask questions, and do your research on the groups on campus. Not every social group has your best interest at heart.
The worst vice is advice.
Sometimes being alone and feeling even more alone surrounded by people is a more lonely feeling too, I'm glad I've gotten some real friends in the last few years but yeah the world sucks Charlie's advice is solid tho keep searching for a group of people that are great for you.
This was very cathartic to hear. Thank you Charlie.
“Nobody who tries ends up alone”
Well that’s just insulting and not helpful at all to people in that kind of place.
yeah, I really dislike this advice and his general attitude towards lonely people
Hoowee there was some passions flaring up in the chat when Charlie started talking about people not allowing themselves to be approached
I haven’t hung out with friends in months.. I feel lonely sometimes but I don’t like going out anyways so being alone is fine to me and great at times. Only 19, plan on having a family in my 30s so we’ll be ight. Our Ancestors had it way tougher so if my only problem is being lonely.. I’ll gladly take that
Being lonely in a world of billions only just begins to highlight modern difficulties, at least our ancestors didn’t have to be excessively anxious and self-conscious while dealing with our pathetic modern dating rituals.
@@Wolf-yp2qk yea it’s weird how people just, almost universally, assume people today are just inherently weaker to not be able to tolerate shit.
It is it’s own kind of qualitative horror to have such “little” things be your biggest problems. And with it having never happened before in history, nobody really gets to say how people “should” be reacting to it. It’s a totally new phenomena.
Ffs we have the *internet* and humans are really out here trying to pretend they can just hand wave away any unwanted consequences it came with😂
This is genuinely good advice, motivational even.
How. He just spouted what every self help guru says except it was free. How is this inspirational in any way?
@@AwsOm3Fac3 this is the defeatist mentality that he even pointed out 😂
@@pearsemolloy9656 yeah and the fact that he tried to point out this "defeatist mentality" shows that Charlie is ignorant of the real problem at hand
I can't even rebuttal anything he said. It's true but it doesn't help since the issues are emotional. It's like telling a someone, who lost their mom or dad, that people die all the time. Like it's not going to stop whatever emotion they're feeling.
Yeah I get Charlie isn't a therapist but I wish people were more aware of the self-esteem issues that sometimes come with (and maybe even cause) loneliness. Even just a "get professional help" would've been a good addition to this advice.
it's not 100% true though, it doesn't really apply to me with my mdd
you said we were going to Baskin-Robbins
I think cellphones play a huge part too. Now everyone texts or instagrams when they're alone. Before cellphones, people got bored and talked to the person next to them if alone
I was in the same position as Charlie throughout high school/early college. I hated myself, hated life and thought I’d always be alone. Now I’m 25 and the happiest I’ve ever been. I have a good group of friends and a wonderful partner. All it took was putting myself in a ton of awkward scary situations with other people. More people need to take Charlie’s advice
pretty surface level take, I get anxiety just from being around people, its just uncomfortable for people like me, in that way its the literal cliche, its not you its me. but perhaps it is my fault that I'm lonely, because its just too scary for me to be around people, Im a coward in that regard.
being around people doesn't always work for someone with social anxiety
I go to the gym, I go outside for runs, I’ve made all these great life changes but I jsut struggle so greatly to make new friends at my high school. I go through phases of trying, not trying and blaming it on them for not trying to meet the new kid, blame it on myself, become reclusive, stop caring all together, and then go back to square one again or start feeling some other way. I guess the stuff in this video does apply to me. I’m just clinging to my old friends who I haven’t been able to see in real life and clinging to creators on the internet.
Charlie should reconnect with his old roommates and show them how social he has become, maybe show them a thing or two
I'm sure they know what he's become
sometimes it's a bit more complex than just the doomer mentality. I've got a barrage of mental health issues, and loneliness is just a side effect of it. while going out definitely helps, i need more than that--hence therapy, meds, and trying to set up a support system. It's not so simple as "just go outside" because it's incredibly difficult.
though charlie is definitely right in saying that the internet gives horrible advice and encourages loneliness and behavior that will only set you up for failure
I'm pretty online but my online friendships always turn into real friendships. There's definitely another factor to it. I think people love being judgemental so much they drive the real friendships away
Being 78 years old, my take is I don't want to have to deal with people. I am friendless by choice.
78 year old watching Charlie🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
@@sylveona5256 What has my age got to do with it ???
@@jamesstaley5611 just find it funny that you watch him
@@jamesstaley5611 if anything it makes you one of the coolest 78 year olds out there.
@@pianoartist8830 Thanks for the compliment. However I am just a bitter old vet and like most people my age I think the world is going to hell in a hand basket. :)
Let's not ignore how expensive any kind of mental health help is in the USA. Not only are online influencers taking advantage of these people so is our healthcare system
The last time I had a circle of friends was back at TAFE over 15 years ago. Since then nothing. The more I think about it, the only friend circles I occupied were other people's. My sister and her ex-husband had their circle of friends. My folks have their circle of friends also and all I did was basically co-opted their circles. I've learned a long time ago that I basically don't need anyone and I'm OK with that. I've made peace with that crushing force of loneliness and if I reach the end of my line alone, I'm OK with that. Jeez, that opened up a sad can of worms for me.
Couldn’t like a video more man. This made me a fan even more for life bro.
I feel like I needed to hear this. Thank you
This hits really close to home. The feeling of having to "buy" time with others does especially.
Funny that this video pops up when I was thinking I should go to the GYM and be around people plus working out.
Same lol, I was just thinking of going to group classes or something
I'm so happy I'm on the NDIS ( Australia disability) I have a social worker and he's a good friend of mine. I also have 2 really good female friends. I do have this 1 friend though. Who complains and bitches too much abit though. ( like the goverment not paying him enough) when he's hole bed room is worth more than my apartment. Lol
He’s your social worker not your friend lmao that’s the problem with people like you 😂
Man. This is probably the only Moist video I've ever seen where I've ended on the note of
"Terrible fucking take mate"
Its so hard breaking that shell at first but I’ve learnt that people are a lot nicer than they seen most of the time. Its really easy to simply get along with a peer.
All because of cell phones and social media people forgot how to talk to people in person, face-to-face. before cell phones you used to walk up to random people in random places and say hi. now everyone has anxiety talking to people.
Some people want to be alone. Introverts enjoy being alone. I understand if you or others don't understand it. But don't generalize that all people end up alone because they are a holes. Some choose to be like that. The question is why do they want to be like that and why civilized society produces people like that. It's a more complicated phenomenon than you want it to be.
@@justheretocommentokdontwan685 All throughout the history there have been people who took their stuff and built a house on the outskirts of the town or far away from it. We have to acknowledge that extrorevtism isn’t necessarily the human default. If you generalize and say that if you’re alone then you’re the problem is shortsighted and probably based on personal growth where at some point you were depressed, got over it and found a social circle and now look at the time you spent alone as your darkest hours but that’s just projecting your own struggles onto others. It’s wrong but I see how one logically gets there. I’m just saying there’s a bunch of people out there who chose to be alone as a better alternative. It does happen. The realization that you operate better when alone can also be considered personal growth in the world where you’re being bombarded by the social pressures about what healthy life looks like. At the end of the day you have to make that determination for yourself.
3:03 I think what said here is incorrect, I go to the gym, not to socialize but its just became a hobby that became part of my routine, do I know or talk to anyone there? Nope, does it make me less lonelier being at the gym? Nope,(in fact I get extremely annoyed by some people there LOL) until recently, I didn’t have any friends lol that’s just because I’m anti social and introverted so I’m at home most of my free time. Does that mean I take advice from content creators? No, but it does make me less lonely, doesn’t mean I’ll pay to be part of a group lol there are people like me who just prefer to be alone, and that’s fine😊 idk if I misinterpreted what he said but yea just wanted to say this
6:23 I usually am okay with what Charlie says but I just disagree with this whole video lol I have become anti social because of how people have treated me, sometimes you get hurt enough that you don’t want to try anymore so how is this “my” fault. I don’t think of myself as a doomer or anything like that, because I love talking to people, but idk, I think this is a perspective of someone who already has people around them that accepts them. Which is not fair to just point and say “it is your fault you’re alone”
it's not that we don't know how to go outside and socialize, it's that there's no reason to because most people are shitty and indecent
@@Void-Knull ^^
That was an advice for terminally online people that usually have no contact with other living, breathing, human-shaped flesh objects as a way to get started. Not as an the end-all-be-all one-stop-shop for friends
@@HandleToBeDetermined that’s my point though, before that, all I did was work and stay at home. I was terminally online because I had no idea where to go to make friends especially since I don’t go out anywhere, that’s why I said “did going to the gym make me less lonelier? Nope” because I feel more or less about the same before and after, I’m just fit now lol
@@Void-Knull so basically your allowed to paint everyone with the "shitty" brush but Charlie isn't allowed to paint doomers with one? Just from your post you generalize people so why should anyone want to be your friend?
It is kind of a backwards mentality where you're like "The friends you meet online aren't real, that's why you're depressed. You need to go outside in the real world and meet real people."
The fact that you can touch someone doesn't make them necessarily a better friend than someone online. Honestly, I think the problem is that communities on the internet are just so damn exclusionary, or too damn large.
So, you can either go into a small community of 3-5 people chatting on Discord, which you'll have to search for, or more likely you'll end up in a community of 100 people where you feel like your voice can't be heard (same with Twitch chat and CZcams).
There needs to be better communities online, I think, that offer more validation to people. I think that saying "The problem is that you need to interact with people the right way by going outside," mainly just shows a lack of accountability on the part of creators that their community isn't engaging enough, or validating enough people.
I needed to hear this. It is hard to make new friends but you have to keep going. Changing yourself for the better and eventually you can find someone to be friends with.
Holy shit a clip that isn't about useless drama
I think narcissism is steadily on the rise too, and I think it’s also important to teach empaths how to recognize healthy relationships.
I will say that the best way to learn to socialize is to be around people. You don't even have to talk to everyone or anyone, just be present and be involved. Learn to be in the moment around people and don't be afraid to say hi or hello. The worst they could do is ignore you and even then, that says nothing about you but alot about them. Dont let shows and movies cliche interactions define actual human interaction. They are all fiction for a reason.
dude im always on public places, i still dont get friends..i just look dumb trying,
@Akira don't feel discouraged. as hard as it is to make friends, alot of people in this world are very rude or just outright mean. but another thing too, when you think about saying something to someone, how would you feel if someone said the same thing to you? would you be just as accepting as you'd hope the other would be? not saying what you might say is wrong or not appropriate, but just to give perspective on how things might go differently should you choose to change your approach.
James Corden is married?! My confidence levels just hit heights previously not thought possible
Trump is married, you didn't realize it's not your looks already?
@@sarahappleby1800 Well, Trump is a bit of a different situation. "They let you do it when you're a star" and all that.
@@MaxMustermann-hy9in they, as in prostitution? Yeah anyone can buy it.even you for enough money
@@sarahappleby1800 They as in the numerous women that he has multiple times basically admitted to sexually harassing. They weren't prostitutes to my knowledge. Not that it would matter.
@@MaxMustermann-hy9in I wasn't saying sexual harassment, I said the ones who are willing to be with him. It's only because money.
I found volunteering wonderful for meeting people. Join groups to pick up trash, volunteer at community centers, volunteer to talk to the elderly or read to kids at the libraries, help out at the animal shelters. Adopt an animal and you will have a friend for life.🐶🐱
Yes I agree with Charlie that more people online means more social isolation and a lot of us are feeling that right now but also more people are turning to religion because spirituality is so needed or they feel so alone so they want to have some form of faith which I think is good religion teaches good philosophy and morals in my opinion
I mean I partially agree but I have a tight knit friend group of like 15+ people in a discord and we’ve all gotten to be super close friends, and each of us go to work and have lives outside of it, I don’t think pretending it’s impossible to make friends online is necessarily correct
most content creators are trying to sell you something. so many people get caugh up in their bullshit and buy into it literally but good ole charlie is just one of the bros spitting straight facts. almost all of the advice he gives is so level headed and genuine, an actual role model as much as he tries to hide it
He is right. Your loneliness is your fault. In fact all of your failures, everything is completely and utterly your fault.
Another thing that contributes to this phenomenon is the fact that some privileged individuals feel like they need to be a part of something, thus they seek out reassurance from say people like Andrew Tate, who’s advice leads them down a lonely path.
This need sometimes comes from the fact that previously shunned groups (lgbtq+ people for example) are starting to form strong online and offline communities that represent them, thus counter movements like “straight pride” can be an amalgamation of hatred and jealousy.
Certain people misinterpret merely leveling the playing field as being left behind or excluded from society, creating their own loneliness in the long run by indulging in the perceived one.
Never try to pick up in a club, most likely going to hook up with someone who is intoxicated and that is a recipe for trouble.
Once you learn to be content with yourself and being in your own space, and embrace it, it doesn't become a burden. You make peace with it. It's up to society to treat others better though, the whole "you have no friends" insult can weigh on people and make them feel that way. Having no friends or a small circle does not automatically mean loser or bad person, life is hard, people get burnt, they get hurt, and "lonliness" if you will, isn't their choice. Yes, there are bad people who alienate themselves warrentedly, that's different. But it's not everyone. Stay strong my brothers struggling with this. My circles always been quite small, now it's pretty much non-existent, but that's okay! I'm content in my own space
serial killers have woman die for him. onlyfans assault grandmas still have people willing to pay.. that's how bad i am if it's to that extent
after i finish college all my friends have their own business while i do freelance, i don't talk to people because im an introvert, it even worse when most of my friends are successful in life and have a lo of other friends
Most of the popular people i know are the most lonely. Facts.
I don't understand, according to my parasocial relationship it's obvious that all the online content creators I watch are all my friends.
From the stories of charlie past I am 100% confident that charlie is the most indicate people to give advice about loneliness. He was a peak weeb reditor and he maneged to get out of it, and seeing how popular and likeable he is now just prove how right his advice is. Another gigantic W to our Moist Man.
i mean i touch grass all the time, i dont come out as moist jesus