The Need for Approval Makes You Invisible
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- čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
- Why the need for approval and external validation penalizes authenticity. As Jim Carrey once said: “Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”
Cuts, voice, footage, script by Einzelgänger. I also used some licensed material from Storyblocks (links available upon request).
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#approvalseeking #selfworth #authenticity
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” - Marcus Aurelius
Basic evolutionary strategy.Damn simps man
Gave it Like number 333. Spiritual Gains!
@nej Not in that way
We all are constantly seeking for the best for ourselves, be it through social validation or religion or drugs or spirituality.
@@onlyhuman5669 Yes.
"You're only a man"
“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I’m not.” Kurt Cobain
I'd rather not take advice from people who shoot themselves. ;)
He was right though. :)
Ok, this is saying...
If you do not want to be Invisible... do not seek Approval from others... w/c will make you Stand out & in effect gain Public Attention & judgment(good & bad).
w/c is Approval-seeking by not seeking People's Approval...
@@CarlosSuperCute check out the brains on carlos. Now that's witty, but the point of the vid is more pragmatic and aimed at authenticity and sustainability of the persona/mask you maintain, the performance of an identity is not for others alone, but fir yourself as well.
@@neilcuzon7909
I am happy to make people think...
He´s dead for decades now...
*Many people try to find external solutions to internal problems*
Amen
One of the most simple yet amazing saying.
@Ellis Khan You should join me
Like materialistic people?
How did you make your letters bold?
When you stop seeking validation and approval from others you find it within yourself
It's a tough process though... it takes a lot of time.
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live"
-Goethe
I can't stop
@@maremare9366 will giving gifts before christmas make people accept you the next semester/next year in school?
@@PabloRuizMega you can't make people accept you...giving gifts to achieve their acceptance, is a manipulation. It isn't honest.
Accept yourself and the people who belong in your life will accept you too. We only attract what we contain within. If you have a negative internal dialogue, critical to yourself etc, you'll attract people who are also that way to you. When you show up for yourself, starting with your thought life, you send out an energy of empowerment, self belief, advocacy, and agency. Those are attractive. Do that.
"The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things."
- Epictetus
and it takes a lot of studying philosophy to understand that.
Estoicism save lives 🥰
I don't even need to watch the video to know social media has ruined us, and how we seek validation from it. I love the quote from Marcus Aurelius. “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own."
Which social media platforms are the most to blame, in your opinion? (I only do CZcams, and while I appreciate getting 👍, I much prefer intelligent interaction.)
@@natashamudford4011 For me I fell down the rabbit hole of taking the red pill from reddit. I was a misogynist, neo nazi, white nationalist. And it all started from wanting to seek better dating advice. Sure I was getting dates from being confident, but, it did nothing but turn my relationships from far from meaningful. But by seeking friendship there I felt a part of a group until I made real life friends who helped pull me out. The Internet can be an evil depending on how you use it.
@@natashamudford4011 Twitter, Insta, and Facebook. That's where people show off their lives the most in my opinion.
@@rurig3608 redpill and reddit hmmm
Honestly? I can only imagine social media worsens it but I have no social media but CZcams and a Snapchat account I use infrequently. (Not sure if snap even counts since is mostly just a messaging medium) buuut I still find myself seeking validation from the people around me and constantly comparing myself to others, and placing my self worth in things that are shallow and fickle. Like grades, stats as an athlete, approval from friends and love interests etc It’s miserable. I’m working on it and I’ve seen some improvement but man is it an uphill battle. Most times you don’t even catch yourself doing it.
TL:DR. Social media definitely aggravates it but the need for external validation/placing our worth in it manifests in countless other ways that can have nothing to do with social media. Ways that most people aren’t even aware of.
"A woman who needs nothing from anyone, including APPROVAL, is in her true power"...
I have lived by this... I could care less what others think. When I was young, I struggled with the social demands vs my own; my own won. Now that I am older, I care even less what anyone else thinks or says... And THAT Freedom is priceless!!!💜
You summed up the idea very nicely.
Goes for everyone💪🏼
Woww thanks for this
@@Helter195 And you think you know more about me than I do???
***DROP DEAD TROLL!!!***
@@Helter195 wow you’re the worlds first mind reader through your screen
One of my favorite self starters is, Forget what 'they' are doing. What am I doing?
Good one there!
It can be hard to imagine an existence without seeking acceptance. But once you learn that you are the only validation you require, then that need to feel wanted breaks loose like an anchor that was stuck to your body.
When you don’t seek validation from people, you will suddenly feel self-sufficient and thus respected.
Thanks for the 300k everyone :). I appreciate it very much! Thanks to you I can do something that I truly enjoy!
You the best!
I liked your doomer to bloomer video. It was at a time I too was making a turn around. For me lifting and making a room of my apartment into a gym helped me a lot. Fight the good fight. You aren't alone.
You deserve it mate. Well done for never going back to that shitty anime visuals. Can you please do a break up 2.0 vid
Your channel has a positive impact on us, thank you!
@@rurig3608 Same here!!! The doomer to bloomer video was like a representation of my life and also like you i started going to the gym :-)
Thank you Einzelganger for your time and effort for each video!!! Congratulations for your 300k suscribers :-)
Spent most of my life seeking approval, with horrible results. Now at 42 I don't care what people think because most are more fucked than me. I'm much happier now.
That which clings, repels - that which moves freely, attracts
"When someone decides what we wear and eat, we call that slavery. When someone can decide how you be in yourself (happy or miserable), isn't that the worst kind of slavery?" - Sadhguru
Have a nice day, friends. :)
Just visited some people from the past and when i left i had this weird feeling.. like i wasn't good enough and i need to do "more of this and more of that" in order to live up to a certain standard. Then i got home, remainded myself of what truly matters to me and watched this video, which helped alot. Thank you, it was just what i needed.
How i live my life:
“ i do what i love, love who i like and try to get what i love, while knowing that everything i get is a gift of life. However when I say trying, i mean really trying”
I just had a discussion with my friends today about my irrational fear of rejection and manic seeking for approval. It's killing me slowly.
Things are getting better and more realistic when you discuss them with trust worthy people
gurra1351 Im the same. Developed a anxiety disorder at 17 and got so isolated I had to become “normal” and more like everyone else to not become a recluse. Now at 30 I’m mad at how I deceived my true self. And really have nothing going for me.
Read the book Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw
I learnt how to use a tea bag
Here I teach how to cook an egg: czcams.com/video/x-NQJrKg8o0/video.html
wat
I’ve been making tea wrong😬
I used sous vide for tea bags up to this point for no reason
I love learnting things
100% this. i met this girl who is very authentic and interesting that i immediately developed a crush. when we talked, and i learn more about her, i feel like a completely different person. i think she was the key in unlocking another version of myself. i became more free and be unapologetically me-the me without filters. and surprisingly, people around me liked more of that. regarding the crush, i still like her, but i think i won't pursue her. i'll just be exploring this path that she showed me and i'll forever be thankful for that.
It's absolutely normal to seek connection with others. Part of survival and thriving requires convincing others you can be a good friend, or a solid worker, and a trustable citizen of the tribe. The goal is to require it less and less over time as you gain security...and to not be totally knocked on your ass when you don't achieve approval off the bat. But to completely give up on social acceptance is inhuman. You may very well need the help and understanding of others to survive later. Literally. Or to just maintain your rights, and freedom. The Golden Rule requires some self awareness...and it's always a good place to start. If you want a friend, you've got to learn to be a friend. If you need support, you've got to give support.
I would rather be respected than loved. People need to just grow up and quit telling stories of their stories of judgement, assumption, from hatred, anger, frustration, ignorant's. Just respect if you want to be respected.
Some societies or families are engineered to force ints members into a mold by using all sorts of emotional blackmail, a supernatural sense of entitlement, and veiled threats. Any unapproved expression of individuality was quickly repressed into submission. I had to play along just to see the day in which I could be myself somewhere else. I worked hard to get to that day of liberation. It felt dishonest to play along for so much time, a price I was glad to pay in exchange of being myself.
I've fought so hard to get acceptance and validation from anyone. Women, people, family. The more I tried, the more I felt invisible. Giving power away that I wanted back. I was never loved. I'm starting to love myself finally and to let go of everything that I wanted to build up to this.
I feel like I'm starting from scratch with self-love too. Better late than never! 😕
I remember when I first started out with music, I was trying to seek help from a local producer I looked up to at that time, and booked 4 sessions with him.
When it was our 3rd session out of the 4, I had to show him some of my music. He bluntly said he didn't like what I was doing. The only thing I regret was not closing my laptop, packing my things and exiting the situation. I found all sorts of excuses to not go to the next session, I had no motivation to do the task he had given me whatsoever, but I ended up going anyway. After that encounter, which was about 3 years ago, I had been struggling to make anything, share anything or simply even talk about music, until recently, when I discovered how deeply it had affected and disturbed me for all these years. Never try to reach a gap someone else has set for you, you'll always be reaching.
I realized that I tend to seek for approval in a social interaction that I have. I keep my mouth shut when I don't agree with the majority of the group Im talking to and only speak up when I know I have something that is considered as "right thing to say" even if I don't really believe in that. I thought thats the only way to get respected when all I do is disrespecting my ownself for not stand up for what I believe in rather being what other expect me to be and losing myself in the process
I find that not needing validation from others is what sets leaders apart from everyone else.
I always feel sad and leftout when cant connect with my classmate and friend but then i realize this isnt my fault sometimes things are not ideal and i dont need to feel guilty about those awkward moment,my inner critical voice always mocks me in social interactions and it says:no one cares about you or you are suck boring person,the best way to fight it is to carefully listen to it and write the common statment then try to talk to with compassion and change your behavior pattern it might feel hard at first and even harder secend and third try but it will get much easier after few time
Check on CZcams Lisa A. Romano
One thing I like about getting older/more mature, you stop caring what other people think most of the time. I think it helps that I've never been popular and outside a small group of close friends, I'm used to not fitting in with most people.
By the way, you're awesome man! I love your videos. It makes me feel like I belong.
Thanks, Audrey! 😃
If you watch this a bunch of times, it's the same video, but you'll get more information in each time.
The one thing that's difficult, though, at least for me, is walking the line between being myself and not seeking approval, and being over-the-top "I did it my way," and being obstinate or not being open or a team player. It's a fine line and something I've always struggled with.
And it's hard because not seeking approval is the exception not the norm, and so it can leave you feeling like a lonely freak now and then, and make you question sometimes if it's worth it. Yes, I know that it ultimately is, but sometimes the cost of doing the better thing is grueling.
Same
It's a dichotomy, when we receive validation for being who we are, we can also develop acceptance for ourselves.
Being too different from people around you can also make you invisible.
That's My Motive! I Don't Need Attention
Everyone seeks validation. If you spend your whole life with people calling you ugly, useless and untalented then you're going to be miserable. If you spend your whole life being validated, with people telling you you're beautiful, useful and talented why would that make you unhappy?
Yes you are very correct but inflamed sense of tht is wrong
Very true. But always best to start with your own goals and over time learn to validate yourself. Then the rest will come easier. Compete with yourself.
Dude every video you make is a problem that I’m facing with at the moment. It’s like you’re trying to help me personally. Thank you so much for these videos they’re beautiful
Namaskaram 🙏🏻
I was so depressed yesterday cause my landlord seemed mad at me. I think she wants me to move out.
When enough negative things happen s I get knocked out
The most adequate approach you could take is to talk to her and ask if there's anything wrong, evading the fact that she's mad at you won't help much
Russell Bell that’s definitely not always true
I love this channel! Please don't stop making these videos. It is nice to find a like-minded person who can succinctly convey practical, spiritual lessons/teachings.
This channel is without a doubt one of the best ever in the history of youtube. Keep it up bro!
00:48 here, I loved it btw !!
Hey, congrats on 300k tho you deserve more than million :)
Thank you, Mayur! It's a milestone!
@@Einzelgänger I bet.. Hey you remember that stoic wisdom for toughness video !! I recommended to like 7-8close friends and I got amazing feedbacks !! They loved your channel and work,man !! I have one request tho
Since there are no individuals anywhere in the world who live alone, without some kind of support from a community, this idea of individualism rings a little hollow. We all seek some approval, because we depend on other people for almost every aspect of our lives.
When the story of your life is written make sure that it is you that holds the pen.
- Anonymous-
Respect: the most ephemeral illusion known to mankind. If someone needs something from you, they may feign respect, but if they view you as an obstacle, then no accomplishment will suffice to spare you their treachery.
I remember being afraid of rejection. My only support were my friends, eventually I pushed them away because of my insecurities. To this date I’m very much alone, but I’ve started working out, meditating, and also going back to school with a more cleaned up schedule. Currently I’m alone but I very much feel alive, if I wasn’t dropped I’d never of pulled myself up, and right now I don’t need to lean on other people for validation. If people don’t like my personality or my ideas that’s fine
Perfect timing again! My whole day today has / this week, I've experienced several (little) synchronicitys, and this video is definitely one of them! Thanks a million stars, Sir, and best wishes.
Proud to be a sub👀💕
The only approval needed for happiness is self-approval.
Validation from others is as useless & irrelevant as their criticisms or insipid opinions about who they think you should be or how you should act.
Congrats for the 300k subs achievement. This channel is life transforming..
Wow! Great video and perfect timing. I really needed to be reminded of this. Thank you!
Now imagine a situation in which you need other's approval in order to function. e.g. Being in need of a job, yet you are perceived as undesirable/unfit for the position you are applying for.
The opinions, followed by the decisions of others, can influence our lives. This is not to say that you should allow yourself to be taken advantage of by others, but expressing your true opinions can get you into more trouble than you may have asked for.
Hi man, I just wanted to thank you for this video. I have seen a lot of these in my life and it turned out this particular video was one of the hardest hitters for me. I have been struggling for years to get others people respect me more and wearing all kinds of masks, learning bunch of reactions (looking straight in others people eyes, saying "so what?"... and so on [deliberately hurting them somethimes because of feeling of rivalry in it and testing stuff]), also was trying to pretent like i don't need to like the others, not realising that I'm doing all of this to grow in their eyes. THIS IS THE PARADOX, YOU NEED TO TAKE STEP BACK AND PUT OFF ALL THE MASKS AND REACTIONS YOU HAVE LEARNED AND STOP CARING ABOUT THIS ENTIRE APPROVAL AND RESPECT SHIT. Now if you have done this thing right you will start feeling freedom and you will finally start to enjoy just being together with other people, feeling no stress at all, because you don't need to prove anything in their eyes anymore. And what with the respect? blah blah blah... Believe me, once you stop caring, it wil come naturally with your authenticity - all you need to do is to insure from time to time, that you don't get into enjoying it so much that you will start to seek it again because it can be very addictive but truly harmful at the same time. That's the PARADOX, remember - you won't achieve it unless you stop trying. Good luck on your journey.
Fantastic, very illuminating video. Thanks.
Hey ! Great video as usual ! And I really like that you rec your own "stock images", it's pretty neat
Thankyou so much. recently I got into new office and don't get along with the people. I seek for validation like what I usually did whenever I met people who don't have same frequency with me. This helps me a lot.
Very encouraging, we need to chase our truth
What a beautiful video! Thank you for discussing this topic
Great message coming to me at the best time. Thank you!
I was literally thinking this when I started my day. It's like this video pretty much reinforces the idea that I need to practice this consistently
I used to walk into a room and wondered who liked me now I walk into a room and wonder who I like most people are busy trying to much to be someone else
I really like the implementation of future garage music into your videos!
The problem is that to be authentic you need to know who you are, and a lot of people don't. Just take a look at most education systems for a start to see what is causing this; uniformity and conformism is appreciated, not critical thinking or rebel wisdom.
Also, aren't we all part of the same world, the same cosmos, mere fractals of God, where does the "I" end and where is the beginning of "we"?
Peace. 🕊️
Always coming through with the heat 🤙🏾
I cannot imagine that somebody doesn’t like me. Apart from my enemies of course. But I don’t want them to like me.
And may be there are people who don’t like me, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like them either.
Internet gigantic ! So lucky to have found you ! Thanks for sharing your talent
I needed this today. Thank you.
I loved this video! Thank you! 🌟
Thanks for this useful content, I hope I can stop this need of being needed and being liked by others because as it's said in this video I really feel I'm completely invisible and I don't know who I truly am. And that's really bad. But I try my best to overcome this weakness just like any other weaknesses I've already overcome.
You always have quality material my friend.
Be your bold authentic self, the most compatible will come forth and reveal themselves.
I think it is our "default setting" together with some other settings. We have to 'root' our life
Awesome video! The need for approval and validation is explained very well
Excellent video, people pleasing has been my biggest problem all of my life, and as I’m writing this comment i am aware of my fear of choosing the correct words so that I’ll please others.
We can allow ourselves to feel hurt wi th out the need to prove our suffering to others. Bring that truth!!
A brilliant and important message once again. Thank you. 😊
Extremely thought provoking ..... much thanks 🙏 Steve UK
As long as I hear these precious teachings.. My day is good to go. 💕
That was ridiculously good thank you ☺️
it is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not
My beautiful daughter 💜me and l 💜 me. That's all I need. I've tried to reach out to people and all I got was a painful kick in the guts each time. Sometimes you just have to except what you can't change. If you want to get kicked by hanging around donkeys you'll get kicked. 🐞🩰💕💗⛄
I love this channel.... I can't thank you enough
I really enjoyed listening to this, thank you
I choose the people who I want to be friends with and keep those who I don't like at a safe distance, not too close and not too far so they don't feel bad.
Why is it that what you post at the moment correlates with the struggles I have in the present? Fascinating.
Weird, right? Same here.
Synchronicity 🧡
That ist because, you are at the moment open for that kind of Videos.
If you are in a happy mood u will watch much more happy videos :D
Destiny lol
Coincidence... or youtube spying on you and your behaviour lol
this is what i needed to listen to, thanks
Approval-seeking behavior signals to others that you lack it, else why seek it? ...and fundamentally, possessing or lacking approval is rooted in our own personal symbolic representations of our own selves.
Just what I needed.. Thank you
I meditate of this the last time I attempted to make people like that's started about a month ago and I stopped walking on eggshells and started to listen and comment according to what I think Everytime I'll speak I'll tell myself is this me?
Since then I got attention without caring and by living with humility I found myself without the need of others to fell happy , I'm truly one with nature and adaptable to changes of nature himself
We often look to others for their approval or advice because we lack experience turning to ourselves for such things. We can still learn. ❤️
You are back thanks i Hope you regenerated well
Amazing video! great job
Liked this video before watching it! I know it’s gonna be da bomb 🔥🙏🏼
I love the visuals you use. Great content as always, thank you so much. You‘re doing extremely meaningful work.
Thank you very much Cem for this comment. 👍🙏
Yes! This message to the letter.
I cant tell you how important this message is, since it took me 25 yrs to figure it out.
bedankt weer voor je mooie woorden.
I wish there was more information about how we can be our trueself like self realization and journaling
Tnx
This all stems from the fear of being alone, when you have not accepted the basic truth that we are alone in this existence you seek approval from others to fill the emptiness that you are afraid of. It's escaping from your true self and that way you'll never be validated. You have to first accept the core truth and olla then will you be accepted by others. And then you can become relating and enjoying life with other people. First realize emptiness and then bloom from that emptiness.
I really needed this rn
This and school of life are my favorite channels
I feel like I've reached a point in my life where I don't seek approval for my well-being, but am still very interested in it, as it serves as a guide for the further development of my authenticity. Kind of a balance, imo.
I think as the video says ‘ when you’re free like the wind & others begin to attract you like the feeling(as for me) & begin trying to keep the relationships & build on those while simultaneously building on others. It’s a fascinating dichotomy that the not caring is actually what attracts & as soon as you begin to care it’s gone. Like opposite sides of a magnet. On the other side Jocko Willink & I’m sure many other successful people have been able to master this ‘ building relationships and it has obviously helped them. Play the game’ they say. It’s like the Joker vs the King in my book.. you can’t be both’ how do you pick? Joker is more authentic & free while King is more beneficial’ the people love you’ you’re doing for the community & hence you are also doing for yourself.
"Everyone has a right to their own opinions. You have the right to accept or reject their opinions just the same" ~Probably a wise ancient philosopher
Thank you 🌼