How to tell if your Marriage will Fail.
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- čas přidán 25. 10. 2022
- #marriageadvice #relationshipcoach #relationships
Watch this next please • What does my Wife WANT...
Marriage only works when you have TWO people who understand that commitment and faithfulness mean showing up for each other. Emotionally and physically. Intimacy is built and maintained when we learn and practice conflict resolution. Emotional safety is cultivated when we invite and encourage each other to bring a feeling or hurt up to each other. Friendship and playfulness are practiced when we flirt and prioritize each other. This stuff isn't complicated. It's just difficult, because we didn't learn it or because of our trauma or past relational pain, we internally default to a fear of closeness or vulnerability in order to protect ourselves. The only problem is, that results in us self sabotaging the relationship every time.
Speaking as the emotionless husband...it had never occurred to me how shut down ive been to my wife...i legit always thought she was just too emotional as she only expressed the emotions she felt naturally...I've just been shut down from childhood trauma and my wife became my whipping post...you cant understand the level of regret i feel knowing how my past trauma translates to my queen...God gave me favor in my wife as every one of her tears convicts me in my actions and attitude. ..it would seem that God has opened a whole new level of repentance in me by pointing out flaws in me to which ive been oblivious until i began recognizing the wreck that i have left my queen in...i had no idea...blind deaf and dumb...big stubborn feet stomping around on the emotional toes of my queen and i had no idea...she has been sending me videos for some time and ive recognized my need to change and until she began sending me your videos Jimmy, i had no idea where to start learning what it was that i didnt know...im now DEVOURING your content and branching out on subjects and books that i hear mention in your videos..i cant say i hold regret for how long its taken me to get on board with my marriage and my wife as i had to go through what i had to recognize what i see now and that spurned my need to learn...i do however wish i couldve seen this a long time ago to spare my queen the pain and possible trauma that i mightve inflicted on her...i have my work cut out for me but here is a great place to start...
This is so well said and resonates with me powerfully.
I am on my own similar journey, for the last nine months.
Unfortunately, my path to understanding truly began when my wife asked for a separation. I also lament that it took so long (been married 19 years) to have the blinders taken off but I also see I needed this to get as bad as they did to drive me to this place of understanding and self-discovery.
I also needed to feel the level of pain that this experience has bestowed upon me. I have a lifetime of suppressing my feelings. This is a major barrier to empathy. How can you feel what someone else is feeling when you won't allow yourself to feel?
I truly can empathize with my wife, my queen (as you so rightly put) and the pain that she has experienced over the years of never being truly know because of the walls, of self-protection, that I have constructed to keep myself safe.
I got the impression you are a Christian, same as me, but there is a really good secular book that really opened my eyes to the dynamic between my wife and I. It's called This is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray. Couldn't recommend this book enough even with a mixture of colourful language.
Another suggestion is the Rikki and Jimmy on Relationships podcast, available on CZcams. I have learned so much from it!
I wish Jimmy would get the course he talks about done or create some kind of social group for men, like you and I, to get together and share. I feel such a connection when I hear stories like your own, so similar to mine.
Really appreciate your post.
God bless you on your road to being the husband God wants you to be and that your wife, your queen, so rightly deserves.
I am the wife of an emotionless husband, and if he were to try to tell me this, I wouldn't believe him. You say "she's your queen" because that makes you feel better. That makes you feel like your actions weren't that bad. That's a fantasy you made up in your head. She is your whipping post - those are your actions. That is the truth. "Possible" trauma you "might" have inflicted? Yep, you are really owning how you've treated her. It's all just hypothetical. Your internal unshared feelings are totally real and reality, but your actions and her "possible" trauma? That's just a maybe.
If my husband were to say this, I would say it was a manipulative lie because he was afraid his old manipulations weren't working anymore. Don't gaslight her wife and tell her she was "your queen" when you were also ignoring her and neglecting her. Her experience - the way you treated her - are real. That is the truth that she lived. That is the truth you made. Do not try to minimize and erase that by claiming she's your queen.
That is not how you treat a "queen." That's not how you treat someone you love.
@@elladeonWow. Wow. This is such a harsh reply to the OP.
I can't imagine how hurting you are to have taken the time to come and say this to a perfect stranger of which you have no intimate knowledge.
I can honestly say I love my wife with all that I know how. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough. But I can absolutely assure you it wasn't on purpose. If I knew how to do better I would have. And I acknowledge that what I didn't know still hurt my wife.
But our relationship is not all on me either. We were both hurting people who hurt each other.
If you know anything about Attachment Theory, and that we act in ways to keep ourselves safe, you might understand more of the dynamic that plagues Anxious and Avoidant couples.
But, as is normal in these situations, women think they are in the right because "all they want is love" and that somehow excuses how they hurt their Avoidant partners.
I am not trying to be mean here. I would really like to help. I'd like to suggest a few books that might open your eyes to the dynamic in your own relationship.
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson.
If you have faith then she has a Christian version called "Created for Connection".
Another good book is called "This is how your Marriage Ends" by Matthew Fray.
These are great.
You can also look into Attachment Theory as there are tons of CZcams videos on this.
Integrated Family Systems (IFS) is also highly recommend. Research it.
Again, if you have faith there is "Altogether You" by Jenna Remersma.
I have hurt my wife beyond imagining by not understanding myself and it took her separating from me to understand that how I was doing things simply was not working.
But there is hope. Hope for me, hope for the OP, and hope even for your husband.
I'll leave you with a quote.
Carl Jung says "Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate".
May your journey to knowledge open your life to the best of possibilities!
God bless.
@@EsseQuamVideriSe7enI agree with your eloquent response to @elladeon's comment, you said all I would have & then some. I hope everyone is able to find peace & love each heart desires.
I, too, am the wife of a man who's become emotionless and apathetic. He wasn't always this way & I'm not quite sure what happened. I've tried using the usual feminine ways to rekindle the fires & even thought of new ways when those didn't work. That in addition to communicating, continuing to work on myself, & looking through new relationship education materials/channels.
I'm hoping he'll watch a couple of these videos with me this evening & hope to share just this comment thread as an illustration as to what is possible in both the positive (taking corrective action) as well as the negative aspects (if no corrective action). Praying it may help to get us back on track.
My motto for so Iong has been "Love. Will. Win" in most areas of life. Of course, I've had to reevaluate if that was a realistic place of reasoning. But who am I kidding, lol? I'm a woman, after all, realistic may not be one of my strongest traits 😂?! Am an empathic/emotional creature through & through.
"I'm in love with love & love is in love with me...there is no other way for me to be. Even if in the end all I'm left with to love, IS me."
Thank you, OP, and Ms. Ella for the comments here. I find them inspiring & hope others will too.
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@jimmyonrelationships, you are a rockstar...these comments should make you feel amazing...you're helping so many people. Much love & respect to you & your Mrs.
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Decades of zero love affection or sex has left me in a numb, emotionally shattered wreck. My wife has been seething mad at me for over 20 years. That will never change. And she's a therapist.
lol! "if you think these questions are stupid the you're stupid!" 😂 you weren't yelling, you just said it with such conviction!
You actual have to really care about your wife to do what he's saying.
When there is a problem, a bad relationship sees one person winning
A good relationship sees the problem as separate from the individual and something you both are working as a team to fix
TLDR: A relationship is a team not a civil war
I really wish my husband would listen to you... We are separating and I'm sure divorce will come if things don't change. I've learned a lot about myself just from watching you. I've had a lot of repentance and self reflection.
Am i the only one who starts crying in almost every single Video? Thanx jimmy
I love that you are sensitive. I think it's your superpower! =)
I too cry everytime.. As it seems he is really really understanding me
Nah, bro, I just finished crying after binging like, all of Jimmy's videos.👌🏼
No... I cry, too. I cry for longing for something healthy. And for myself having dealt with this for 10 years before I finally got myself out of there.
I believe everyone should take the Love language test to figure out how they give/receive love. It also helps when your love languages aligned (all five w/in a few %) with your spouse or partner. Things flow and come naturally when you have a safe space to just “ be you”. You wouldn’t treat your best friends that way, so why would you treat your spouse with disrespect & unkindly words or actions.
How can we broadcast this during the Superbowl half-time show??? The world could change overnight!
Sooooooo true! Let's get all our friends subscribe so his channel will blow up and as a Superstar - this could even happen
Yes!
My husband and I both had childhood wounds. We never argued, but we avoided conflict. It killed our marriage. He talked to another woman at work instead of talking to me. 34 year relationship and two great kids. Our family imploded.
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My marriage is in trouble right now. I just found this channel yesterday, but it's already led me to some big insights about myself. Thank you for all you do Jimmy!
PLEASE make a video on the importance of asking forgiveness and making restitution for past abuse and affairs as a starting point instead of saying "It's in the past. Get over it." Then follow up with how economic abuse may keep your spouse hostage but will never make them love you. But then I don't know why I'm asking. He'll never listen. 💔
Thank you
Ditto on every word down to the last sentence...going to be a "statistic" as soon as I can organize my way out, becuase anything I say is "just nagging" and hot air no matter how I word it.
...I'm sure he'll cry "blindsided" even though I've been saying the word divorce for 3 years...he just doesn't see it worth hearing or remembering...but he'll be " so shocked" no doubt!
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This guy is dropping so many gems. Men, please listen...
The best part is when a woman takes the initiative and gives her husband the answers to every single question in this video without ever being asked. And his response to what she needs is “I don’t think I should have to.” That’s how 24 years of marriage ends.
Thanks for all these videos, Jimmy. Because sometimes I still doubt if I’m doing the right thing by walking away. You remind me that the answer is YES. I deserve to be with someone who will at least TRY to meet my needs for affection and emotional safety.
Or I can remember every one of your preferences so I’d like you to work to remember some of mine and the response is “you are too complicated. I’m much more simple, so there’s no way I could remember that”. A dig, a claim of victimhood, and pointing the finger back at you.
This was so good. I have to ask all of those questions, and I feel like my wife will respond to this level of vulnerability. My biggest problem will be asking those questions and not feeling the need to defend myself when I hear the responses…
I know I’m responding much later, but if you’re still wondering how not to be defensive, maybe you can communicate with your wife your intention to listen without response, and determine ahead of time not to respond. Take in everything she says, write it down, and take time to yourself to reflect on her words. What this does is give you space to calm down and come out of fight/flight mode, and review her words in a more objective and less emotional way. If after giving yourself time to no longer feel angry/defensive, you still feel upset by something she said, ask her what she meant. You can even say, “I felt upset when you told me XYZ. I’ve thought about it and I think I’m upset because it felt like you meant ABC. Can you explain a little more what you meant by that?”
@rilesywilesy2920 your response may be later for OP, but it will also be "right on time" for others. I'm grateful you've left it & feel it may be helpful in my situation. 💜
Thank you. 🌻
@@rilesywilesy2920 🌻
@@rilesywilesy2920 This is great advice - thank you for sharing.
Thanks Jimmy. I've been divorced twice. The first one was not so bad, the 2nd one ripped my heart out. I felt like death was knocking. Your videos give me hope and a path. Thanks for recording these.
Every word you say in this video is true. These neglectful behaviours cost a lot of us marriages 😢...
What you saying helped me to understand that my emotions are not bed because they exist. You helped me to understand the challenge that I and my partner have. Thank you
Thank you so much Kamila! You're absolutely right, your emotions aren't bad! And sometimes it's very hard to realize that since so many people might have conditioned you through out your life to bury them. And that's so sad because that really hurts us in our future relationships. You're doing great!
Thank you for expecting more from men. In the past, relationships were put entirely on the woman’s back. But that obviously doesn’t work.
Thank you. So validating. Wish more people knew how to love. It is a skill.
I can't say enough good things about this video. Jimmy, you hit the nail right on the head. You just described my 31 year marriage to a tee. All men...and women should watch this and reflect on these words. Kudos my friend. Keep cranking out videos and I will keep watching. Thank you.
James, thank you for your videos. I have been trying to discuss things in our marriage . I have failed but will keep trying. Just wish I could find the right words. Praying here.
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Do you have a video counterpart to this that has questions females should be asking their husbands to create great relationships?
Wow just wow! In all your videos you have nailed it!! Now if I could just get my husband to watch with me 🧐🧐🧐 20:44
This means a lot to me Linda! Really hoping he's open to that.
5:44 - Can't ask my spouse because I don't have one! Haha - checkmate!
In all seriousness, thanks for these videos. I'm neither a man, nor have I ever been in a long-term romantic relationship, but I have a lot of trauma to work through, and these videos help.
You’re very articulate and precisely correct. Thanks for the videos. Always watching.
Thank you Mary!! I certainly don’t always feel that way, but I appreciate your words :)
Please, please, please stop using the phrase, "Help her with the... mutual chore." It isn't her job. Instead, please change the language to stress that mutual chores are also the responsibility of the husband. Other than that, your videos are super helpful.
True, if it is a mutual chore then you aren’t helping, you are doing your part.
Hey Jimmy, Thankyou for your video's, I feel seen heard and validated by them, your video's have helped me to unravel in my mind the cause's of the break downs in relationship dinamic's, you validated all of my emotion's and my thought's , you also help me understand myself more and all of the stuff inside me that was going on and why I say the things I do to connect in relationship. I'm at ease now because of your videos knowing that I wasent wrong , this has stopped the self doubt and me questioning myself , a huge thankyou.
Love listening to your wise words Jimmy!! 🫶🏼
You’re too kind!
Thanks for taking the time to share valuable advice to help others learn from your own experience
Thank you for all your videos! ❤
This really has help me , this is Perfection! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this!! :)
Thank you!! This video was very well said.
Thank you for the work you do
Thanks!
Thanks
Hey, Jimmy started watching all your videos and tiktok, great work! All this information is very important. I have learned these principles early this year but i was 2 years too late. I separated this year after 19 years. I learned a lot and I'm looking forward to applying all what i Learned, in my new relationship. Your videos are great at reinforcing and reminding me to keep applying thrm, even in the early stages. I tryly thought i was a perfect husband, and father, chores, income, everything was balanced but my ex wife lost trust because i was not supporting her when it counted or when i didn't agree with an idea, i would not support snd listen. The sporatic conflicts accumulated
Michel, I am so sorry. I know that's most likely been a very tough season for you. Is there any chance at reconciliation? Have you reached out and asked about seeing a counselor together? I'm so proud of you for taking accountability for your side. I'm sure she has her side as well that contributed to the fights. But humility always demands we look at our contribution first. Thank you for the kind words, feel free to reach out if I can help in any way.
@@JimmyonRelationships we took a break in January, and i worked on myself, sought counseling, but she advised me she was "out" of the relationship since 2 years. She has already moved on with someone new 6 months ago and i am dating. But i dismissed many of her complaints back then, i seriously thought i was near perfect and i was doing some "What-about.. " and asking HER to change her behaviour also. I see now I should have done my part first. It's sad for our 2 kids but they are doing well because in am chosing to stay positive, despite it being her that made the decision to leave
She didn’t make the decision to leave. You did every single day you dismissed and invalidated her. Her saying she’s out because you didn’t do your part to care and be there. To validate and truly hear, you ended your relationship and saying she did shows you still don’t really see it, you just want to learn the bare minimum to apply next time to hopefully keep the next woman coming back for more. This is truly sad.
Recommendations on best marriage books? Mainly ones that talk about negativity in a marriage. I’m trying to fix my marriage before it’s too late and unfortunately I think it’s closer than I realize.
7 principles for making marriage work is good by Gottman
Thank you! Much appreciated!
Love it. ❤️
Wow‼️I've been growing for a while now. I've grown apart from my spouse because I believe in love and he doesn't. Watching these kind of videos are actually helping me grow and mature. I want and need the best kind of spouse and I am willing to work on myself and wait for my soulmate who is willing to grow with me.
I was recently told we shouldn't wish for things....reason as because of the saying "Be careful what you wish for" 🤦♀
I am wondering how your wife/partner helped you in this journey. Because it's not a one way road, but also you need support from her side. Do you have a video for this? I would like to know her side of this partnership.
I need to make one!
Questions to ask your spouse to cultivate deeper connection and intimacy:
1. How do you feel most loved and prioritized? 9:09
2a. Can you name the last time you either felt neglected/abandoned/taken for granted in the relationship?
2b. If you can’t think of anything, what’s something that would lead to those feelings that I could avoid doing? 9:55
3. What are some specific things that I can do to help build our trust and emotional closeness together? 10:29
4. What can I do to help carry some of your burdens? 12:38
5. Am I a safe place for you to be vulnerable with? 14:25
6. Do you have any past hurts that I have caused that you never told me about because you were afraid I would respond with blame or defensiveness? 16:21
7. When something is important to you do you actually feel like I listen and prioritize it? Or do you feel like I downplay and dismiss you? 17:37
8. What is it like to be married to me? 18:04
Genius
You're too kind!
Wow.
Can it be the other way around? I have seen that my female partners in the past have had some serious anger and pride issues too.
You can’t heal wounds you aren’t even aware of! Do the digging! ❤
Guaranteed she doesn’t reciprocate any of this. She only cares if she is loved or neglected. She doesn’t care if she is loving or respectful.
Oh no, that doesn’t seem like mutual respect and selflessness :(
@@JimmyonRelationships do you have a video about how “if you win an argument, the marriage loses,” doesn’t just mean you always lose and and let her control you?
That definitely sounds negative and disrespectful. You’re not very confident in her nor her ability to achieve relationship success.
That tells us more about you and your mindset than anyone else. You see her as an adversary, villain, obstacle, etc. You are assuming an internal maliciousness when in point of fact, people who feel neglected or over worked (looking at job sites too) are less likely to go the extra mile.
02:27 wow didn't have to do my parents like that. 04:20 natural way is Calmness for me. Tbh if I ever get a gf I'm probably going to be to clingy.06:12 tbh now I just think that I might not ever try to get a girlfriend this is just to much to learn ;-;. 08:00 actually I think most of these go for both party's relationships are supposed to be 50/50 right? 10:10 really think not to try to get a girlfriend anymore this is so complex for me rn. 10:25 I think you hit your own nerve there I think you know something about that person more than you think :D .12:45 I was raised to do chores I like doing them and I like working in the summers so I'll be helping around the house anyway. 15:30 to be honest yeah I was told by my dad not to cry in the face of a woman as a kid so yup. 17:27 I apologize to everyone even though its not my fault. 18:14 I would say it's like baby sitting a depressed kid. 19:00 you were on a roll there. Thank you for the lesson sensei ( I'm done watching for the day I'll try to look at more of your stuff tomorrow for now I got some knowledge in my head)
Tom! You really provided some amazing analysis here!! I owe you one!
If you know of any single guys with this awareness, please send them my way?!?!? 🙏
😂 I'm on it!
Sending men with emotional maturity your way. Once you focus on looking ONLY for this. They will start to come into focus. Remember, the man may NOT come in your stereotypical type.
Point of fact. You simply cannot repair a marriage on your own, it takes 2. It also takes 2 to destroy it. Are you the one watching this video? My wife certainly isn’t watching these videos in an attempt to seek information that may save our relationship I am, as it’s been for our entire relationship. It’s time to give up because I know that I can find what I need in someone else because I’m a good catch. Too bad she doesn’t see it that way
Look in the comments and you will see just as many women, probably more unfortunately, as men. It does take 2 but you can only control you. Women are human and flawed by nature. I hope that if you do leave the relationship, you are a good catch. My husband would, and actually has said to me directly, the same. Look up Dunning Kruger and you will find him. If nothing else, you are gaining knowledge to do better.
9:08 questions
So important
@@JimmyonRelationships Great content! Please keep uploading✨
@@prachurjyaranidevi3628 Thanks so much! Means alot!
Do you provide zoom sessions? 😅
I’m not a counselor or coach yet. So sorry for the late response!!!
Can you do a video about needs of men and be up lifting instead of the opposite?
Yep, it needs so much trust to dare to get closer to oneself and the partner
I have asked the questions and she wont discuss anything. Just threatens divorce and calls me crazy. What about my needs, why is it all her needs only and she never compromises? I am always saying sorry for my mistakes, but she says she is always right.
I always say sorry, I always say I am wrong. I am always first to show empathy... she is the cold one
Just my two cents but it sounds like you might think you are the superior human being, which is the first step to contempt, the worst of Gottman’s 4 Horsemen, and the strongest overall indicator of divorce. You may well be but chances are you are not. We are all pretty self centered, only seeing our own needs. If she won’t discuss it, maybe you should think of why that might be as there are several reasons that aren’t malicious but rather self protective. She doesn’t feel safe to share (invalidation, argument, interrupting, anger, past trauma). Those threatening divorce might be hoping to manipulate the partner into waking up to the seriousness of the situation, or they could just be lashing out. Treat your marriage like a case and investigate. Emotional judgment in an investigation could lead to a wrong conclusion. Maybe you find she’s the raging narcissist or maybe she’s just done and is no longer willing to put in the effort.
Yes, that was "the" marriage. He will never watch self-help videos - lol. I can't feel sorry for him because he's a destroyer. He was never interested in getting to know me. It was all about him. Ha!
Mine won’t, either. He is always right so improvement isn’t necessary.
Well, at least with asking these questions things won’t be boring!
I appreciate the perspective, and I'm trying to do pretty much all of these things in my marriage already - I'm guessing my wife is watching these videos or similar and that's how they ended up in my feed - But the thing that frustrates me about these videos and about my wife's guidance down this path is that my wife, at least, says this is about being equal in the marriage. So why does it feel like these guidelines only apply to the husband, and the wife is just obviously already doing it "right?"
Maybe I just haven't seen that video yet, but it's been driving me nuts.
First of all let me say thank you so much for actually watching a video or two. That’s huge, I don’t deserve your time and you were gracious enough to watch. So you’re absolutely right, it can absolutely feel like I’m picking only on the men and acting like the females don’t have anything to learn (which is not the case), and my hope is that neither partner points the finger at the other as the sole problem. I will make sure I do more videos that reenforce that principle.
@@JimmyonRelationships My wife at least says she doesn't think I'm the only problem, but all the problems we've identified seem to be me... And when I've had specific things, I feel like she acts the way she says I act, but she doesn't see it. Or she just says the scale is different so it's different. So it can feel like lip service.
@@AS-qr9vh just my two sense, but it's not that she's always right, it's that she's sitting at the table ready to talk and negotiate, and men, for a variety of reasons, are not sitting at that table to talk about the relationship and it's problems.
She absolutely has issues too, but if the man in the relationship isn't even sitting at the table to talk, they are being apathetic, distant, and aloof. Even if it feels like it's only your problem, it's both of your problems.
You may intend no harm or to make her feel the way she does, and she may even be wrong about what she is saying. Being right doesn't matter. If she feels neglected and that you don't care about something she does, and you won't discuss it because you think she's wrong and shouldn't be upset about it,
She's upset about something, whether you did it or not. Your choices are to discuss it with her, say you care about her feelings (whether she is right or not) and try to alleviate her fears by reassuring her that either you didn't mean to hurt her and you're sorry she feels that way, or you did hurt her, admit you did it, and promise to work on it because you love her.
Doing nothing, telling her she's wrong for being upset when you did nothing, or did do something but it's not a big deal, only tells her you do not care about her feelings and damages trust.
If you aren't at the table discussing with her and listening to her feelings and letting her know those matter to you, she's sitting at that table alone hoping you'll sit with her. She won't wait forever for you. And if you're sitting at that table, your feelings matter too, but you have to be there to discuss it.
@hydrogeddonn I feel like you're projecting your situation on me. I am, and was, very much at the table, and talking about the issues, and trying to resolve her problems. It just felt like there was no interest in solving my problems, which she saw as just redirection from her problems.
I now feel that it's more like she doesn't have the capacity to deal with my problems because she feels so hurt that she is always instinctively looking for selfishness and avoidance of responsibility, and bringing up my problems can feel like I'm centering my things instead of hers. But it is still frustrating that there isn't room to address my problems in the relationship unless they are things she independently brings up.
@@AS-qr9vh I'm not trying to project anything, just reiterating the same common failing points men sometimes experience.
Your feelings matter just as much as hers, but if your feelings are in response to hers, aka you saying that insults me or makes me feel like you don't trust me, that is a stalemate and not resolving her grievance. You have to take each problem on one at a time, which you may be doing. But responding with you are upset about me doing this, but you do this other thing I'm upset about and I don't bring that up like you do so you're overreacting, or I'll bring it up now to "get even" that isn't going to go anywhere.
Part of this is you may be doing everything in a healthy concise way and though you are doing that, her own issues are there too and she has to meet you halfway. If you are doing that work and putting in that effort, she needs to reciprocate and if she doesn't, that's her doing wrong.
It's not men are bad but Jimmy is saying that men usually suffer from this, so be watchful for this behavior in yourself.
Talk her feelings out one at a time, resolve that and then give it a bit of time to settle then bring up your issues with her separately from her issues with you. If she writes you off she's in the wrong and you have every right to be upset and to hold her to the same standard of communication.
Men don't actually behave the way Jimmy is suggesting, correct?
Men can actually do these things?
My husband is doing it… took a wake up call be he’s sure trying!
YES THEY CAN. I have encountered many men in their 40’s/50’s who are doing the work on themselves and reading books on relationships. It’s a smaller group of men but if I can find them near me so can you. Plus it helps when you lead by example. Just be the best person/spouse you can be and do more of what a relationship requires. The man will follow suit & if he’s not willing then he isn’t for you.
How to tell if your marriage will fail.
Question one- Are you a guy who married a woman?
If yes...... you're screwed. And not in the good way.
Great attitude.
@@bygraceonly182 With as easy as it is for a woman to divorce you, and given that women are almost rewarded for filing, who can think it's a good idea?
Tell me you’re damaged and see women as the villains without telling me. The better question is are you a human who married another human and expected to have to do nothing to maintain the relationship?
@@TheBaumcm Even if a man did nothing to maintain the relationship (which I do but admit I could be described as a "nice guy") isn't that still better than bad boys who abuse and cheat on women? Yet women flock to those men, even if they know it can't possibly end well. My 1st wife started an affair less than a year into our marriage with a bad boy. I tried keeping that marriage together for over 3 years before I finally had to file. For some reason she didn't want to be the one to file even though she knew that it didn't matter because of no fault divorce. So all that time, she did everything she could to get me to file. I tried being the best husband I could be yet she preferred a man who beat her, who was an alcoholic and drug addict, who fooled around with and even slept with other women, and didn't hold down a job and made her pay for everything.
No, I'm not the one who is damaged. I just woke up to the evil and cruelty that women are capable of.