What to do with a manic depressive cheating husband?
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- čas přidán 16. 01. 2015
- Thay answers questions on 21 June 2014. Question 3
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Topics: mindfulness, thich nhat hanh, plum village, marriage, relationship, manic depression, bipolar, betrayal, adultery, divorce, love, Sangha, sex, compassion
Watering the right seeds. Thank you
D¹
Leaving a chronically crazy situation is sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do-- both for yourself and the other.
True, to stay and argue is just making both unhappy.
I let go of my 4 years long relationship. He cheated on any way possible but denying everything.
We just argue in the end.
Eventually I choose let him go.
He is now busy with all the women on Facebook, dating sites.
He is getting back all the women I ask to delete because he done cyber sex with them and some kept meet behind my back.
Eventually I choose myself.
If you respect yourself then you know you deserve best and being with a cheater is not bringing anything positive.
No kind actions can change a cheating narcissist. We can only let go.
I gave my all. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
Was just used. Narcissistic are like scammer. They take everything from you and give nothing back.
Thich Nhat Hahn is a nice monk but reality is sexual transmitted disease won't care about passion.
Leave behind people who are damage to your health and minds peace.
Have compassion for yourself and let go of bad people. 🙂🌺
Endeed
The way I understand Thay's advice is that by having compassion for yourself and the other person you will naturally arrive at the right answer for you.
Yes, and to seek Sangha. If you are in an abusive relationship, isolation may be taking place. You need community support. Help yourself first.
Many are being critical of his advice. I take it as: Better yourself and those around you will be better. He's absolutely right. It's not his place to advise her to leave him or stay with him. That's a decision for her to make after working towards becoming a better version of herself and where that transformation takes her.
A drowning person can't help another drowning person no matter how much they want to save that person. I agree it isn't his place to give out marriage counseling he offers advice from a buddhist perspective.
Wayne Westrupp absolutely. Well said.
Agreed!
Jacob Jorgenson Bi polar is a mental illness not a personality defect. Bettering herself will not change her husbands mental health. My mom was bi-polar. Manic depression is an outdated term.
I agree 🙏
At the very end he tells her to take care of herself first. I agree 100%.
I don't think many commentators understand Thay's advice here. What does it mean to invoke freshness? It means to see things anew, from a new perspective. It means letting go of the past. Thay is subtle and gentle, yet clear and forthright if you really understand his words, and their underlying energy.
Unfortunately being loving, compassionate and kind to an abusive person will be seen as weakness and they will take advantage of you as they will see you as weak. This is my experience of abusive people. Best to let them go imo
I agree completely that self compassion has to come first, and that could mean leaving. I think Thay was subtly saying that, but also, it sounds like this situation is related to mental illness more than him intentionally mistreating her, which does make it a bit more of a gray area. It's easy to say he should take meds, unfortunately the meds available often don't really help and/or have awful side effects. I've witnessed people try to get help and not be helped. I have seen disordered men like this grow and for the most part be good husbands when compassion was shown, and I have seen them completely take advantage and destroy their partner, hard to know for sure which this is.
This is absolutely true
This monk grew up in a country where people were killed left and right on the street and jungles. He knows violence and how to deal with it. If it works with killers, a cheating husband shouldn’t be out of range.
@@danielx40 Good point.
Patience 🙏
Thay’s advice here is absolutely consistent with his overall teachings. It’s very hard though to transition from our typical view of romantic love that includes the ego-nourishing force of that emotion, to what Thay has always taught about love: you first have to truly love yourself. Much of our romantic love is notions about the other “completing us” when we have lack of self-love.
In Thay’s teachings “true love” is not about making those you say you love conform to your ideas about how they should behave. It’s a very hard lesson to absorb and not easy at all. But we often suffer from our partner’s infidelity because we view it as a reflection of our desirability, or lack of. What Thay is saying is that our sense of self worth should not be tied up in another’s behavior.
And yes I have had to go through the slow process of learning this lesson as I dealt with a similar situation in my own relationship. My partner was psychologically broken from years of sexual abuse as a child, and spiraled into a similar pattern as described in this video.
After a few years of trying to be skinnier, sexier, more desirable (and seeing these did absolutely nothing to change the situation) I began truly loving myself, nourishing myself, pulling away from the idea that I should try to control my partner’s behavior in any way. It was often very painful. But I can say after several years of practicing compassion first for myself, then my partner, my partner finally decided he wanted to pursue therapy to help heal himself. And he always says how the fact that I always loved him regardless of his behavior was what turned his thinking around through the psychological pain he was experiencing .
Thank you🙏🏾
Yeah that really let's all the cheaters and abusers off the hook....
Knowing that he was sexually abused is helpful
In understanding what was behind his actions. It’s easier to b compassionate.
Letting go - Sometimes the compassionate thing is to leave them - be compassionate to yourself. And maybe they are behaving like that because they do not want to be with you. Be kind - let them go.Don't be attached - just loving
And if it was your child that was a pain-in-the-a** would you leave him, too?
@@butterflybeatles you can't compare a mother and child with a spousal relationship.. especially when the spouse is choosing to cheat repeatedly potentially bringing diseases back to his wife.
@@ZEN-qb1lu So the contract/sacrament of marriage means nothing and is meant to be broken.
Exactly!
@@Kalamolng Make one exception for the divine and natural law against divorce and you have destroyed society. Witness our world.
When he says to be compassionate, I think that he means not to hate the other person and leave them without thought. If you can try to understand them and open your mind to them perhaps you can find the true source of pain and reason for betrayal. This can open them to change. No person is perfect and we all have flaws, you can't just up and leave whenever they do something you don't like. Of course, if it seems obvious that they're not willing to change no matter what and you don't want to live with them anymore then go ahead and leave them, just don't do it so compulsively without compassion.
Just because they do something you “don’t like”? That’s how you describe cheating?
Betrayal at this level is so much more than that. It changes you as a person and causes unbearable pain.
Be compassionate to him as you leave him. Let him know you are there for him as a person who cares but he crossed the lines already.
Unfortunately also in an attempt to be more compassionate and help others we can perpetuate someone's poor behavioural patterns, delay self accountability of others and enable our own poor treatment...it's a fine line folks..be careful.. compassion is also having good boundaries for yourself...
Attempted compassion can be more problematic without this wisdom
Exactly!! Boundaries are a must!!!
Agreement. Wise.
How does he give such beautiful advice without experiencing any of it? It's like someone has stalled a storm within while one is listening to him. So very peaceful!
I'm sure he did experience it. Suffering is suffering. No one on this earth avoids suffering, I'm sure including Thic Nhat Hanh.
Poor girl. Prayers and love to you. And, I pray you see a good divorce attorney and move on. Please move on.
I agree.
It is impossible to "move on". You will always remember that you broke the vow to remain faithful to him for life.
butterflybeatles Who says we have to stay with unhealthy people? Church dogma? It's an act of self care and self love to leave, when there is no way to overcome obstacles. Very simple. We have an obligation to care for ourselves, otherwise we create karmic bondings we cannot free ourselves from easily. Everyone has responsibility for his/her own health.
It is not always the other person
@@butterflybeatles Faithful like a masochist.
Usually his advice is so wonderful but this is disappointing and probably damaging to this poor woman. So sad.
Thank you, Dear Thay, for sharing again, so gently and beautifully, the wisdom of healing with compassion.🌻
I feel that the questioner was talking about herself. Her pain was more vivid than a secondhand feeling.
Messages for healing come from the different persons that are within us. However, she decided to tell this story of pain and suffering WE AS A COMMUNITY NEED TO HAVE COMPASSION AND REFRAIN FROM JUDGING HER JO MONTANEE.
I would leave him..sorry teacher..Staying in an abusive relationship is not a good advice. In terms of compassion, sure if me ex-spouse was willing to accept my help, I would help them, but only AFTER I divorced them. Everyone deserves a loving, faithful spouse
You know , even Mother Earth has limits to how much abuse one can handle...
If you are tolerating abuse then you are not being compassionate towards yourself.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Dear Thay. I appreciate your answer, you are mindfulness teacher not a lawyer, for that reason I understand you all the time suggest compassion, and in my own experience your teachings have been a lot of blessings. Evangelina Cortes.
After married nourish the relationship stay loving just like before marriage or
After having children. Keep eachother warm.
I love Thay, this is really good teaching too. Thank you. He will be with many many people for many many years.
Expectations make relationship painful
What i have learned in life is that we don´t get to change others if they resist changing, isn´t it an individual decision to grow?
I agree in that it is partly her fault, but not for the same reasons. She kept forgiving him, and he continued his unfaithfulness. One should be compassionate towards oneself before others. The moment you are truly enlightened, you can help very damaged people, but most of us aren't. We can be compassionate when people lie, hurt, betray, but we need a rest. We should not keep living in a toxic environment if we can help it. For some people, in certain circumstances, the kindest thing toward themselves is not to leave. In this case, the kindest thing is probably to leave. This not her responsibility.
If he is truely is manic-depressive, has bipolar disorder and in an active state of mania, he can't be held accountable for his behaviour because he is in the clutches of a disorder that has delusions, a sense of grandiosity, and hypersexualisation as symptoms. That person doesn't belong in the hands of a loving wife, in that state he is not fit to be in a couple relationship (or hold a job, manage his finances etc), he needs psychiatric treatment. The problem with mania is that people suffering from it feel so good in it that they don't want to get rid of it.
So yes, the manic-depressive person needs people who care for him or her, but in an active mania not in a husband/wife type of setting.
I’m new at this, but that has been my way since I was a child, now that I’m an adult and I have many obstacles I started to feel alone and tired, I tried to change myself to a less compassionate state but I can’t, I find that the more compassionate you are, the more you suffer and see suffering in live. And if you live in a toxic society where all of your friends don’t see compassion as a good thing, it is very hard to stay fresh. The only one that knows me and understands me now in my life is earth, that is my source of freshness.. I didn’t know why until now.. thank you for the knowledge 🙏🏻
I feel you🙏🏾
That she talk about herself or its only my suggestion??
Bluetooth Blu my thoughts exactly. She is talking about her own husband.
When he said “you must love yourself first”, suppose loving yourself means leaving a toxic relationship. There has to be mindfulness in what relationships are good for your mental health. This man doesn’t respect or love himself. She can’t save him. If he is not willing to work on himself, she needs to exit gracefully.
To thy own self be true.
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness not a personality defect. My brother lived with bipolar. Life was hell for him, and the rest of the family, especially my mother.
I love this teacher, but I do wonder what his reply would be if the partner had been diagnosed as a psychopathic narcissist!! Best get out as quickly as you can.
Wonderful response
"If we know the practise and stay fresh, loving and compassionate we have more chance to persuade the other person to follow the right way and transform the him or her, because - our life is a teaching"
"When someone is compassionate and pleasant, people like to come and sit close to him or her. That is natural."
"If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love someone else and help him or her to suffer less."
And if compassion and nourishment doesn't work then please step away. Protect yourself. Let the Divine heal that person. Heal yourself first.
A wonderful Buddhist monk told me once. Even bodhisattvas have boundaries. Lots of “shoulds”that could cause extended self pain & difficulty loving & nourishing self. He says this comes first when loving to both & world best may mean leaving... 🌎💕
It seems to me that Thich Nhat Hanh is putting the responsibility on the wife. Sometimes you cannot help a person who does not want to take responsibility for his own behaviors. No matter how "fresh" and compassionate she is he may not change. She has a choice to leave. I'm so disappointed that Thich Nhat Hanh did not give her that advice also.
YOU ARE ALWAYS THE ONE AND ONLY RESPONSABLE FOR YOUR LIFE. Knowing that puts you in a state and a position of power. Knowing that makes every soulution possible. If someone says that you are not responsable for your life: he/She is your ennemy, that person is ignorant and keeps you in a position of a victim.
Africa Charm, thanks, I just don't see how he didn't give this poor woman better advice. Also, when someone is suffering as she is, she doesn't need anyone giving her what appears to be blame that she's not trying hard enough. She needs support and encouragement to leave. How is this wisdom?
Hi Suri, in our daily life we used to the habit of being in the role of the victims of almost everything. If things go against us, we tend to give that responsibilities to people or circumstances. The funny thing is when things go smoothly such us success, we tend to take for granted and say "it's because of my effort". Only things go failures, we delegate this responsibilities to other. But putting responsibilities on outside circumstances and other people does not improve the situation because that makes us weak and and because we can not control situations and people's behaviors. Thus the role of Buddhism is to remind us to train ourselves to be the master of our own fate, by understanding the law of karma (causes are coming from us, and effects are also the result we get).
If the Zen master give the advise to be empathetic with the lady such as " Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, i felt pity for you", then the lady becomes weaker and she got nothing to learn and grow. And of course to hear an empathetic agreement, you can get from any regular person who do not training the mind. I hope it helps:)
Hi Star Gould, most of us are in a sense a "victim" of our own, including the husband who cheating, because he is the victim of his habitual mind and actions. He simply act out of the compulsive actions that he can not resist, the same for the rest of us who do not train the mind. Such mental habitual energy has such a powerful over everything we think, do and act every moment. For the husband in the story, this habitual energy is the act of cheating, for other, it could be a habit of smoking, over eating etc... if it is easy to go against your own habitual energy of think, speech and actions, then everyone would be a Zen master but the truth it is extremely hard. For the sake of an example, if someone have a habit of loving to smoke for years, he/she simply can not simply quit just because he/she wants to. He might try and it might work a few short time and then this habit come back stronger than ever. The same thing happen for any kinds of habits anyone have. The only way to get rid of these negative habits is by the work of cultivation the mind. Anything else can only work temporarily
Exactly. As much as I respect Thay, how can a person who is suffering herself, help the person who is causing her suffering. Where is the help she needs, the support, and compassion? Not everyone has access to a Sangha, and how can those who live their whole lives in a monastery know the hardships of living in the modern world? They have their sanctuary, and their Sangha. They are on the same page, pursuing the same goals. In the real world, people are not like that. Too much diversity to get on the same page, so you end up trying to herd cats, and that does not work.
I think a compassionate person DOES suffer because they feel - unlike those who feel nothing. I have compassion for all innocence; children, animals...and I suffer emotionally as an empath if there's something sad.
sunny sim, you deserve better 🙏🙏
Feeling empathy is normal and healthy, most of us learn empathy as children.
Being compassionate to ourselves first! ☺️
It's really so painful to find out how you have been cheated from the human point of view but at the same time and most valuable is a blessing in disguise because the person has just opened up your eyes or conciseness to realise that who actually they are, not their true self as you thought so it's up to you know to figure out if you can continue to live with such a person or not but be always assured that they will still always do it and it's to their highest level of concusiness.
Loving yourself is loving the whole world. 🙏
Hi Suri, in our daily life we used to the habit of being in the role of
the victims of almost everything. If things go against us, we tend to
give that responsibilities to people or circumstances. The funny thing
is when things go smoothly such us success, we tend to take for granted
and say "it's because of my effort". Only things go failures, we
delegate this responsibilities to other. But putting responsibilities on
outside circumstances and other people does not improve the situation
because that makes us weak and and because we can not control situations
and people's behaviors. Thus the role of Buddhism is to remind us to
train ourselves to be the master of our own fate, by understanding the
law of karma (causes are coming from us, and effects are also the result
we get).
If the Zen master give the advise to be empathetic with
the lady such as " Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, i felt pity for you",
then the lady becomes weaker and she got nothing to learn and grow. And
of course to hear an empathetic agreement, you can get from any regular
person who do not training the mind. I hope it helps:)
I always hear the people at plumvillage say that loving yourself and caring for yourself first is the most important thing. She obviously cannot take care for herself in this situation and is damaged by it. Taking a distance from the situation and caring for herself could actually help her to get more mindful and compasionate and then she could maybe help him. In this emotional state (very stressed and full of pain) she seems to be in now, she cannot help him.
End the answer is take care yourself and love your self .be compassion and kindness.let go him and take care yourself.
Truly wise and wonderful Man
In order to be helped there must be openness for change and a new vision. In the meantime, self-compassion is important. It's easy to become depleted when we aren't living in a supportive environment. We need to counter the wrong actions/thinking with nurturing loving thoughts and actions. I always go to nature to recharge. Harmony is the balance for disharmony. May they both find peace.
''You ''should'' be like a bodhisattva...'' This is really damaging advice. The woman is in pain and is told to be a saint towards a mentally unstable person. This would just add to her misery.. To suppress her pain, to risk further abuse from the husband and suffer the indignity of shame for that.. I thought mindfulness was about fully experiencing our emotions without judgment. Consolation for her own emotions would help her get rid of the husband or alter the dynamic of the relationship.
Have you tried following Thay's advice on other things? When you do you will understand that he is not tgiving her damging advice, he is telling her to heal herself and stop suffering in herself before she helps her friend who has a manic depressive husband. Healing yourself always comes first, according to Thay. When she is truly healed, she will be a Bodisatva, it is as simple as that. :-)
He did ask her to take care and heal herself first though. Did you just cherry pick and not listen till the end?
Jacqueline Chong nothing heals when it’s being retraumatised, no cut, no bruise. Ditto mental cruelty & a lack of ethics
Si Fi - I am dealing with this situation right now. I left my husband ,who I believe is bipolar and refuses to get help, 2 years ago. We have 2 sons. I have always held out hope that we could reconcile our relationship. I found out 2 weeks ago that he has a 1 month old child. The hurt betrayal and pain that I’ve felt these last 2 weeks has been pianstankingly difficult! But I had to stop and ask myself why am I triggered so bad by this? We’ve been separated. I left. Why am I hurt? Because I wanted him to see value in me and our connection. I want his validation. I want him to love me the way I love him. But that will never happen and I just have to accept that he is who he is and this is my reality. His choices do not define me. Basically what he is saying is you can’t focus on the behavior of someone else because it is outside of your control. You have to reconcile the triggers within yourself in order to heal and see the other person as the limited human being that they are. There is no way that me and my husband would have worked out, that is why I left. I accept that now and I move on. I’m still very much healing but once I looked past the pain I better understand why.
I understand his teaching as: you need to know how to protect yourself first to generate enough compassion before you offer help, especially to a man with a mental illness.
This can include leaving him to heal yourself. If you choose to stay or come back at a later point in time to really offer help,
1) You must not have the desire to make him live the way you want (to be a better person). Yes, you want to help him, but if you get impatient and frustrated everytime his behaviour fails you because you want to make him better, both of you will suffer. This is important because we all want our loved ones to be the better person, but be careful it could turn into a desire to make everything happen as we want.
2) You must not generate hate towards him everytime he attacks you mentally. Feeling hate can easily happen because that's how our biological brain normally respond to danger as a self-defence mechanism.
To conclude, taking care of a person with mental illness is not an easy journey. You have to constantly check on yourself how you feel, whether you have enough power to help him. By practing mindfulness and absorbing his teachings, you'll be wise and skillful enough to decide whether to leave or stay.
I want to say healing him is possible with compassion. Because his behaviour is dangerous and might hurt a lot of people along his life, if they are not compassionate enough, they will abandon him or even retaliate to protect themselves. That makes them both suffer. By nature, every living being seeks safety to survive. Only you and the Sangha, the one with kindness, are safe to him and he would always come back to you. And you know how to help him if you know how to help yourself.
Being hypersexual is one symptom of the disease so it's important to not take the behaviours of a someone trapped in the delusions of mania personally. On the other hand someone suffering from active bipolar disorder and here particularly mania is not fit to be in a relationship. So if treatment is not happening or not successful, move on from the idea that the bipolar person can be a relationship partner.
I am you are in relations with "all that is" in accordance to our thoughts/feelings so making wrong will harm me too...it is what it is thank you
I don't agree depression is not excuse for cheating. Sometimes best thing is to let go.
It's the manic times where the energy wants more sex.
I think a lot of people in the comment section missed the point. He said to nourish yourself first, take a shelter in Sangha and keep loving compassionate energy towards an abusive partner. Because what goes around comes around too. Nowhere he mentioned to stay with abusive partner!!
The purpose of life is to reach Self Love ❤️
leave him
It's not a monk's job to give relationship advices to worldly people. People who seek out a spiritual teacher should have questions about their spiritual liberation.
How does this guy know. He is a damn monk. He has no experience in male female relationships. He has zero connection to the seriousness of her concerns. Blaming the victim...she loves herself, the problem is that the guy does not love her. This monk is lost. From a man who has been married two times...sister run run run.
Most of the time I agree with Thichs answers and find them inspiring. This time however I do not agree with him fully.
Sometimes you have to leave people in order to not get broken yourself. Doesn't mean you can't still show compassion and help this person, but end the relationship in such a situation is the better option.
I also think that in cases of (romantic) relationship issues it might be better to see a psychotherapist, not a monch, since the first usually know more what they are talking about from a practical standpoint.
A focus on being compassionate enough to help a person harming another is short sighted.i would like to hear more if she can’t be compassionate enough all the time even w a sangha.
@Lisa Kaur yep. He’ gives much deeper teachings on this. If someone only saw this it isn’t deep on self practice. I found Thay’s experience w Vietnam war how he suffered & how he practiced much deeper on this subject. To me it’s same war or domestic violence
Damn, I am late but what needs to be written... : two mistakes: the first is yours, the second is the lack of sufficient warning. So I warn: possible triggers ahead. Stop reading when depressive.
To be clear. I exercise deep respect to this wise man who changed his plane of existence a while ago. Still I have to discuss the extent of his advise this time.
IMHO Thich talks to and only in regard of the person _asking_ how to help her friend in need, the need here being: said friend is the one having troubles with a bipolar disorder husband. Thich's advice only circulates around helping those two women, which is a bit lacking but understandable.
Without checking what a DM5 listed disorder actually can involve -in this case it is mania turning into a psychosis - one should not assume everyone has understood who was addressed with that advice and what was left unsaid: not taking meds is creating an increasing network of neural path "shortcuts" in the brain, leading to increasing, intensified, easier triggerable reactions. Which can become a downward spiral. Examples of psychotic episodes: Imagine someone who just is convinced to be the savior of the world enters a vehicle and starts to drive thinking nothing can happen. Or. The person is convinced nothing around is even real because it's all a big simulation so they do not have a care in the world and go for top speed in a traffic jam. Or they're thinking they're indestructible or able to fly and jump off a rooftop. The list is endless but it all can lead to horrific accidents. The other part of this can be a hefty, long depressive phase ( usually but not always following the manic episode) in which it can happen that the affected person commits suicide.
I hope one thing gets evidently clear. We are not in the country of bad mood swings, I hope that came across now? These people will mark you as enemy when you actively try to prevent anything they do and will physically assault you with all the strength they have: Berserker-style in complete disregard of their own well-being. If you still underestimate the danger the wife of that person could be in I humbly ask that you go and take your doubts to an arbitrary psychiatrist or therapist of your choice.
Buddhism is an answer, just not for every human condition, which is an insight buddhists accept but do not advertise, obviously. In this video, more is left unsaid than said. I hear Thich practically demanding from her to grab that wife and drag her to safety, because of compassion, and he saw the possibility and necessity to raise more compassion in that woman asking the question.
Do you think she’s really “asking for a friend”?
Hahaha True! Those tears don't represent for someone's misery. It was a manifestation of her very own experience. Nonetheless, hope she's healing.
But what is about, if the other person nourishes the bad seed continuously? if sometimes conscious or unconscious it derives more pain and suffering from this person to the wife. Doesn't nature also is in someway merciless to the person who doesn't want to learn?
This is the only thing that stings me a bit with Buddhism. That they seriously believe that being compassionate and mindful etc. works on everyone and if you can't get someone to listen, then you were not compassionate and mindful enough. That's not always true. The brain is part of our body and made out of flesh. It can be sick, just like the rest of the body. Someone who has a sickness in their brain, has a damaged brain and therefor it could be that their brain does not work like it should. Being compasionate and mindful doesn't change that all of the sudden and it could well be that the practice doesn't really reach the sick persons conciousness, because of the damage.
For instance someone with severe schizophrenia that doesn't see reality as it is. They probably cannot see the behaviour of others correctly, because of the disease. With manic depression something simular happens as well.
Its not about changing the others, its about yourself.
Cody Serino wonderful explained Cody. Thank you.
They have an understanding that disorders like that are all perpetuations we ourselves created. I cured myself from depression which I had since I was little through Christ and christ conciousness. Its possible only with the most open hopeful willful mindset
L Puma This may apply for health care staff or therapists. Family is different.
Buddha used compassion on a serial killer named Angulimala (Garland of fingers). He inspired him to become an Arahant! People ALWAYS respond to compassion, the degree maybe different. There is no situation where compassion is wrong.
Thay is simply asking for compassion to help nourish the good qualities of the individual.
A severe bipolar will only cause suffering without treatment ,the only solution is to protect one's own health( e.g. contracting diseases,HIV) from a sexually unfaithful spouse. Never be too attached to a human...divorce may be the only way out of this very negative situation.
Manic depression is a chemical imbalance, personalitie disorder, and he needs medication and counselling parallel. If he does not want to take medication at list go for counselling with him, if he does not want to go with you for counselling then go on your own.
Nourishing your self means go out and learn a new hobby something that can help you to express yourself and will give you pleasure and feelings of happiness. Then he will not be big in your life. Then you will not ask the question, as you will have the answer coming from within, then you will be strong and confident and emotionally independent. Relationship is give and take equally.
And you have the human right to be happy, respected, and valued.
If you continue the same way, you will get the same results. So make a change, it will be easier to start with changing your routine and attitude towards yourself. Love yourself, treat yourself to something nice. And put your foot down when you are criticized.
Good luck on your journey, be brave.
STDs don't back off from compassion and kindness.
If he cheats, leave.
Break off those who harm you.
It's not your responsibility to fix someone else. It's their responsibility be faithful and fix themselves. 🌺
I not understain, what happan to her?
Noo Yawk interpretation: You don't f*ck with Thich. And his advice is amazing
Ôi sao ko có phụ đề tiếng việt hic
Beautiful 😍
Thay has given a difficult task to this woman. She is not dealing with a normal person
Sex addiction is killing true love..
Please humans its time to teach our children about true love, values, ethics, principal which is not selfish
So this world will be better place for our next generations...
It's not 'true love'. Either detach emotionally, or leave him.
It is natural and good to have faith in people and try your best to help them but please don't be dogmatic and believe that anyone can be changed with love and that if it doesn't work it's your fault. To give love the other person has to receive it. Some people don't perceive love as anything else than a weakness to exploit and a way to feed their ego. Once the bottle is empty, they throw it to the garbage and get a new one, even more confident than before in their behavior.
Don't become a lamb feeling guilty to not let the wolf eat you.
I hope she found happiness and could help him awaken from his insensitivity.
It’s too much to expect that this man can reply on what she should do,
no big harm to discuss it a little here,
but really we’d need to meet or know the people a little to understand it they have a reasonable chance
Her friend may have chosen to marry this man despite knowing his nature, due to low self-esteem or other issues that she could examine in herself. We can only have a healthy relationship with others when we respect ourselves. For example she may be repeating a pattern that she has seen in her own family. This young lady is a good friend and is suffering also, she will learn valuable lessons from her friend's situation.
Her friend is her.
If inside me right now filled with hatred, suffering, and anger. Why don’t I just be them? Why must I try to love, try to be compassionate ?
That is the most deceitful way to solve the problem !
Can love, compassion be practice ? Or love and compassion only appears when hatred, suffering, and anger dissipate ?
Don't tell me to love when I'm hating someone !
I am hate ! That was the first and last thing I needed to pay attention !
It’s true but I think the answer didn’t help in fact in this situation. I wouldn’t still know how to handle the situation...
I think this is the ideal, but it is not taking into consideration the human condition.
So sad
watch in 1.5x thanks me now
So the one being caused to suffer through no action of her own should show compassion for the perpetrator by taking more abuse in hopes that she can change him and his proven and repeated bad behavior. (And yet, a tiger cannot change his stripes.) But the perpetrator should do nothing.
Not very thoughtful, compassionate advice. Honestly sounds a little misogynistic. I've never been so disappointed in Thay.
I do agree that the wife should show compassion for herself--and leave a bad situation. There is no reason to bring more suffering on yourself. I don't think her husband's problems, regardless of what suffering they're borne out of, are her responsibility when they harm her. He needs to take responsibility for his problems, not her.
Another Buddhist (that I cannot recall) once said (to paraphrase) that only a fool continues to keep company with fools. And that you should exit harmful situations. Now that I agree with.
Something tells me she’s her friend…
Is she talking about herself?
Basis of Budhism is reincarnation and law of karma .the necessity of Budhism is impermanence sufferings and concept of no soul . Budhism guides us to stay in human world and heavens until final stage is attained 🙏🙏🙏
Oh my god. How he was always able to treat bad people with compassion. This is where I’m not strong enough. I might know some truth here and there, but when people wrong me, I just want to punch them. While the master can give them compassion back.
He should've suggested her to practice the "letting go" here...
Divorce. You could get sick from him. Cheating is an unforgivable sin in Santana Dharma.
What about the domestic violence ? You might not enough time to water the right seeds as every year women die from the hands of their partner. On most of the websites that provide support help the battered wifes / women it stays in "bold " that it's not womens fault (as many DO believe and stay hears and yeas in the abusive relationships)..
Father Thich Nhat Hanh always blessed Atarashi Gako Team, Ms. Mana-Filipino Japanese Vlogger with his Friends Japanese Filipino too with Sir Yoshihide Suga. Not to invade their body's, not giving a badluck and not getting the wealth of the Japanese Diamond and Gold Buddhas Wealth in other people's. Father Thich Nhat Hanh and my Ministry thank you very much and I love you very much ❤💗💖😘.
🙏
Thich Nhat Han is just pure perfection. This is everything. ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
You kick him in the balls
Love this message ! I wouldn't follow it though. I think that cheaters need to be abandoned. There is always someone new who needs our love and compassion.
HONEY! .... WE DON'T LIVE IN "NIRVANA" ....
MANY FOLKS ARE TOO UNSTABLE, AND
IMMATURE TO COMMIT TO A LASTING ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIP! .... YOUR "FRIEND" IS MUCH
BETTER OFF REMAINING "SINGLE" .... AND
FINDING COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS , FOLKS ....
WHO .... PERHAPS .... COULD OFFER YOU SOME
REAL EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!
2:38 Thay begins to speak
🙏🙏🙏
Life is painful. It is unfortunate that we are born
Lol, TNH...I love his energy but his actual message is ridiculous sometimes. I am now at the end of this talk and the PS seems to be: take care of yourself
I reached the same sort of opinions as you, to be honest. I suppose perhaps he isn’t allowed to advise and counsel, perhaps he has to keep it vague and focus on self healing and self help instead? I’m not sure, I’m trying to see the benefit of the doubt haha. I agree though, it didn’t seem overly helpful did it.
Wow did he blame her?
That's what I felt also. At least he should have told her "forgive him, but run for your life". Compassion towards one self it's important as well.
@@bigfishartwire4696 Couldn't agree more with you. 😊
@@cheyrncheyrn
I also didn’t think he dealt with the seriousness of the situation
💞🙏💞
Forgot to mention that it's 50-50
It depends, my guy cheater on me from the beginning. I've been kind and loving. Invested time and money into the relationship. On his part he didn't sacrifice anything. He never stopped be a playboy and chat to single woman. When we walk trough the streets he will check any women out that's there and stare at the most pretty one. He waters his seed of being a savage. Situations are different in each case. But cheating is a choice not a mistake. I can show compassion as much as I want but if a person refuses to let go of hurtful and bad habits then no matter what I do, it's doomed to fail. Forgive for your own sake and move on.
So everyone is 50% responsible for a lack of ethics in another?
You have ONE PRECIOUS LIFE. Dump that toxic dead weight, don't look back and give yourself the freedom and happiness you deserve. Also don't ask celibate monks for relationship advice.
Hate lives in your heart Sinead Maire may you suffer less when you open your heart ❤ to COMPASSION for both her and her husband. ESPECIALLY FOR YOU❤🙏❤
For a very long time this sounds like victim blaming.
Why is CZcams tracking my personal life.. scary
This is evident to me that this Buddhist does not realize the full reality of the Manic Depressive Disease. Terrible advice. My apologies for saying this. Manic Depression is a serious psychiatric condition with many complications & telling those friends and relatives of the husband (who refuses his medication) that their message of love and compassion isn’t ‘pure enough’ and that is why the husband strays ..... demonstrates how little this disease is being taken into account. Happy New Year to ALL!