Bad Movie Beatdown: Universal Soldier - The Return (REVIEW)
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=Originally posted April 26th, 2012; Re-edited version=
Wrestlemonthia continues on Bad Movie Beatdown, as Bill Goldberg co-stars in this Van Damme sequel. Season 4, Episode 6.
#JeanClaudeVanDamme #JCVD #UniversalSoldierFilm #UniversalSoldier #UniversalSoldierTheReturn #BillGoldberg #Goldberg #MichaelJaiWhite #UniversalSoldier2
![Bad Movie Beatdown The Art of War III: Retribution [RE-UPLOAD]](/img/n.gif)
This review was originally posted in April 2012, and was the fourth instalment of the "Wrestlemonthia" reviews. This is a re-edited version that runs 2m 18s shorter than the original, with the following changes:
- Upscaled to 720p!
- Audio has been cleaned up to remove tape noise.
- Cuts to dragging syllables throughout.
- Some replacement stills for Goldberg footage.
- Film clips are cut down considerably to reduce them a minimum. Likewise, slow motion is used to mitigate the amount of footage used in voiceovers.
- A tasteless line was cut.
As you might expect, this episode has been restored in time for Wrestlemania, where Goldberg is headlining. Enjoy!
What was said tasteless line, or remind us if it was you or the movie who made the line?
Film Brain can you do the bad movie beatdown review of Dragonball Evolution, please!?
I didn't review that.
I loved Wrestle-monthia. The movies were so bad, they were great. I can't believe The Marine has 3 sequels.
@@eddiedingle767 I believe was when Film Brain said that the movie thinks that anyone with a computer science degree is an R-word.
Probably for the best to have that bit cut out.
It's kind of sad seeing Noah's cameo as Dr. Insano in this one. He was clearly having fun here, a far cry from the way he is now.
Yeah I forgot it was re-upload for a second and got excited then I got sad.
Wait what happened!?
Look up the "Down the Rabbit Hole" episode on Noah Antwiler for most of the details. Suffice to say, Spoony is an absolute wreck compared to how he was when this video was first posted.
Down the Rabbit Hole was only the beginning, too. He's getting worse slowly but surely, sadly. I still watch him very often, but it's a downer knowing that we won't be getting any more of that.
I just wish he would reupload his old videos since he's stopped making new ones. I miss watching S.W.A.T.
I love how the supposedly advanced supercomputer can only relay information in Times New Roman and Microsoft Paint images, as if the filmmakers are so cheap they could only afford default text settings on computers instead of making them more like Alien
I looked it up and they wanted comic sans, but it wasn't invented yet.
Source: none.
Anyone else find it ironic that Universal Soldier isn't owned by, ya know, _Universal?_
It really is!!!!
To make matters worse, Universal Soldier wasn't owned by Focus Features but it went to StudioCanal instead while Paramount/Viacom owned most of the television syndication rights on StudioCanal's behalf. Seen on AMC, BET, Bounce, FX, IFC
PBS, Sundance and This TV since October 1999 with very impressive ratings.
The director of this film was Mic Rodgers who has worked on stunts/ 2nd unit directing for several years [including for various Mel Gibson films such as Braveheart and the Leathal weapon sequels]. This is his sole directing credit. I wonder why...
Well, that's his only sole directing credit to date and after that, he went back to stunt work. !n 2002, he won an technical achievement Oscar.
Well, James. I'll tell why. Because his only directing credit and after Universal Soldier 2, Mic Rodgers has return to work on both stunts and 2nd unit directing since 1978. Both he and Matt Sweeney won the 2002 Technical Achievement Oscar.
@@markelijio6012 At least he went back to what he's good at. Like Vic Armstrong, he's clearly great at stunt and second unit work but not as a director [apparently he inherited the job as the original choice, co-writer William Malone, did the 'House on haunted hill' remake instead].
@@jamesatkinsonja "Yes, of course."
you can tell Seth has gone to the dark side, his cube went from fluffy blue to angry purple. then after he is inevitably defeated by Van Damme, he joins M Bison and Shadoloo.
I thought the point of the universal soldier program was to have them basically just as emotionless killing machines, so... why does the main villain want to rape the girl? They should not have lust or emotions.
I blame lazy writing
To be fair, the first movie established that the Universal Soldiers occasionally act on instinct and that they are not 100% controlled.
In the first movie Dolph Lundgren's character would kick some floored people in the face with one controller noting that he seems to enjoy this. Later, Dolph shoots the camera man without being ordered too since it reminded him of the Vietnamese civilians that he shot and Scott kicked the gun out of his hand, just like it happened back then. Both of them did this without being ordered to.
So I guess Romeo used to occasionally rape subdued women?
Entirely lazy writing. Shock for shock's sakes.
If Van Damme Isn’t a UniSol anymore, shouldn’t he just be dead?
Yeah they basically created the ability to resurrect the dead now. It feels like the Unisol project doesn't have a purpose compared to the usefulness of resurrection XD.
@@setcheck67 wow. Some flawed science right there.
Fun fact
Squid actor was also "the sideler" on Seinfeld
The general actor also played George's boss Kruger
To be fair to the movie on one point, at 14:20 they're probably referring to their numbers increasing like a geometric progression/series. For instance doubling in number every hour or something like that.
Wow, thanks to you we have more Spoony on youtube. The real thing disappeared what seems like a decade ago.
It's the Universal Champion Goldberg!
WCW champion, wwe world heavyweight champion
13:27 one of cinemas most iconic moments
Well at least he makes a better killer Santa Claus.
I'm Santa Claus! Not fucking Dracula!
Goldberg must have enjoyed this performance so much he repeated it in Santa's Slay.
that staircase sledgefest was epic!
Sometimes I imagine an alternate reality where Michael Jai White made better movie roll choices and is an A list action star in the modern day. Seems like he never gets a break...............
@jbiehlable I loved him in Spawn!
The brother in 2 and 3 actually looks like he’d be Van Dam’s brother if Van Dam was in 2 and 3.
Hasn't Michael Jai White been through enough after Spawn?
I honestly have a soft spot for this movie.
While I can agree that it's really stupid and nonsensical, I liked the overall quick pace and the metal-centric soundtrack.
It tried pretty hard to be edgy too.
Like, the rock music was almost all over the place.
Honestly, that's why I like it so much.
It's so tryhard, yet I found it so amusingly hilarious.
Its edgy, but its the fun type of edginess that's more high energy rather than being overtly melodramatic.
That and more movie soundtracks need to WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!! TIME TO DIE!!!
@@TheSkully343
Honestly I would rather take over the top Edgy Rather Than melodramatic dour and depressing that tries way too hard to be dark depressing and gritty
When it's really immature
@@mattc2306
At least it's not dower depressing and melodramatic which is a real problem when you try to do something that is dark and edgy
However this film does a good job and it is edgy (especially with the soundtrack) BUT it's a fun kind of edgy it's hilariously over-the-top but in a good type of way
Honestly I prefer universal Soldier the return over the terrible sequels like universal Soldier 3 and universal Soldier 4 (not even Scott Adkins Could save fourth Film)
17:55 SPEAR! SPEAR! BAH GAWD, KING!
Just one major correction; There's actually only 2 Metal songs on this entire soundtrack (terrible ones at that). The rest are Hard Rock. That song during the beginning Jet Ski scene is an alternative rock song, NOT Metal, as you stated
For anyone wondering what the song is, it's "Awake" from The Clay People.
I miss these
12:36 Cue "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba.
"Squid id dead! Yay!" Lol.
I actually enjoy this movie. It in my opinion is better than the recent Unisol films and all of Steven Seagal's direct to video films. A million times better than Half Past Dead.
I even riffed on it during my JCVD marathon.
There should have been a unisol played by Tyler Mane.
Damn that would've been scary.
@@anubusx I mean, he was Michael Myers.
@@scottylewis8124
And Sabretooth.
I Heard A lot of Bad Things About The Return, Haven’t seen it before, but I Did See Universal Soldier, Day of Reckoning, and Regeneration.
This is still the best sequel in the series Don't know why it gets a lot of hate its fast paced action and fun to watch the other two are glum and depressing.
@@salliewagenblatt5188 I even hear that there's gonna be a Universal soldier reboot.
Why is there going to be Remake, they should Remake Maximum Overdrive And Spider-Man 3
I think Seth had another plan of getting the code from Luke. Getting it from memory. That's why he tried to kill him twice.
W A K E U P W A K E U P T I M E T O D I E ! ! !
Film Brain Death Metal when?
Wake me up inside!
Sorry, couldn't resist.
1999 was a metal year. And this movie tries very hard to be edgy.
Also I see Squid watching rock videos and anime in his room.
@@scottylewis8124 Given the very 'sane' state of mind Squid seems to be in, maybe that's for the best.
@@TheSkully343 and also at 9:28 this machine just called me an asshole!
14:21 lmao he said "geometrically" when he meant "exponentially." who wrote this script smh.
Yeah I remember the original review ... gold
For me the definition of a film to be watched MST3K style!
Am I the only one who Likes Seth the AI? He should be a computer sidekick with dry humor and wit with that voice...
19:23 If you didn’t say it, I would have!
9:28 Meme me! No seriously, that needs to be a meme.
Welcome back dude!
0:59 And then Goldberg inexplicably won two more main titles at 50+ years old. Awkward.
I ACTUALLY liked this movie as a kid....a Coked out Van Damm against dolph Lungdren whos was playing a machine so he wasnt required to do any acting.....WHATS NOT TO LOVE!!!
I love this movie. So bad it's good.
Oh shit Universal Soldier with Gary Busey sounds like a parody
Has there been a movie where man and computer coming together wasn't stupid? Besides Transcendence?
This movie was utter garbage. Like a really bad made for tv movie. Thankfully, lots of years later, when Van Damme began sobering up , he would revisit this franchise again and do A LOT better, delivering a darker , more violent , straight forward set of films
3:50 what did you say?
The uniforms for the Uni Sols look a bit normal here. I mean, combat clothing? Yellow visors?
Dude this movie is one of my favorites! Van Damme And Goldberg in the same movie plus Spawn is in it, and A rad soundtrack with Megadeth and Anthrax! Totally a 5 star movie 🤘
Is that movie scientist hiring?
U 're a spitting image of James Remar.
Can you look at all of the Final Fantasy movies🐤
Awwwwww, Spoony :(
Nice to see spoony doing stuff
Can you look at the Sonic OVA🦔🤖
Sorry Film Brain, but I love this film and it's better than Parasite, not taking that back at all
Can you look at Dead Space Downfall👽👾🗡💀
18:40- Probably the same method Conal Cochran used to turn Ellie into an android.
Maybe this whole plan was set up by Cochran...
Love seeing Spoony.
Today's movies need soundtracks that need to
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! TIME TO DIE!
12:25 Really? Because you might wanna tell that to our state government, considering all of the airborne pollutants we have here in Texas
Can you look at Halo Legends👽👾🔫💀
I don't know about you, but I miss Spoony's content.
Why i can't find this movie in netflix whats the problem
Netflix only has a select number of titles, varying by territory, and their selection of catalogue titles (especially anything before 2005) is pretty bad.
Oof.
Love your reviews but man, you need a new/better microphone!
The newer videos sound a lot better, I've rather belatedly been using external mics since mid-2018. This video from 2012 was filmed with the camera's on-board mic, and I've tried to clean that up as best as possible (removing the tape hiss, in particular).
@@FilmBrain Good stuff. Yeah, being stuck at home (and I don't own a television) I'm finding all kinds of good stuff like this on YT. Glad to have 8+ years of your stuff to browse!
You've got 11 years worth of archive here, so there's plenty to get stuck in to! :)
Yeah, the oldest videos were recorded on a miniDV camera (this was the penultimate episode filmed on it), and the quality of the video and sound isn't great, although probably a bit more acceptable back then. I moved up to a HD Panasonic camera and most videos are filmed with that, and the last year or two used the mic port that I'd previously neglected. The three most recent videos (Military Wives, The Hunt, Onward) are filmed with a brand-new Sony camera.
The first Universal Soldier movie was infinitely better than this one xD
omg Dr Insano!
I love Film Brain and have been watching his reviews for over a decade. I can’t help but think that viewpoints like his have lead to where Hollywood is today though. Why is it sexist to have beautiful women in a movie? Why is it sexist to have one of the unisols call the girl “expendable”? I would argue it’s to show how singularly focused on their objective and not sexism.
You've rather missed the point. The point was that the character is literally only there to be eye candy and be a sidekick who does almost nothing in the narrative other than follow him around. She is barely a character, and the fact that there is at least an attempt to make effort writing decent roles for women to play is not a bad thing. After all, why should the blokes have all the fun?
@@FilmBrain You also have Maggie who's meant to be Luc's partner but ends up doing very little and Hilary who gets injured+ kidnapped.
Someone not like metal then?
Hey Film Brain, Will You Ever Cover Roddy Piper or Hulk Hogan
I did cover Roddy Piper in The Shepherd, which I've not put back up yet.
For a potential Universal Soldier remake, I have a pretty good dream cast. Roman Reigns, Thomas Jane, Michael Beihn, and Angela Bassett.
@@scottylewis8124 Thomas Jane is Awesome Underrated Actor In The Punisher, The Mist, Dreamcatcher, Mutant Chronicles, Stander, And Standoff
Scotty I don’t understand why some people say Thomas Janes a Bad Actor he’s a Great Actor as playing the Action Star
Can you look at the Street Fighter animated movie!!!!!!!!
Am I too late to make a rapey antagonist/Spoony joke?
Universal Soldier is worse than Demolition Man.
If you're referring to the original, yes, there are some similar plot elements between the two (past rivals being put on ice and revived decades later), but it's largely an apples and oranges situation imo.
@@dvass7253 The coolest R rated film is Demolition Man.
A thousand times worse...
The Demolition Man is so relevant to today's pc and cancel culture.
People still ask the cast how those sea shells work.
What seems to be your boggle?
🏆🏆
13:08 Freddy nothing, that's a pun straight out of Aladdin. This movie's so dumb it's stealing jokes from Disney movies. Shame! *Ding ding*