outgrowing friendships, toxic friends, & setting boundaries in your 20's | chit chat grwm
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- čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
- Let's talk about friendships! Thanks to JBW for sponsoring this video! Use my code LYNETTEJBW to get $ off - glnk.io/xr7q/lynetteadki
I'm going through lots of friendship changes and thought I would share things I'm learning about friendships in your 20s! From outgrowing and ending friendships, to toxic friends and how to set boundaries with people in your life. This is a super chill chat chat vid as I get ready for a date so I hope you guys enjoy!
timestamps
0:00-2:00 intro + today's sponsor
2:00 not everyone needs to be in your life forever
4:32 learning about yourself + accepting differences
8:50 non-negotiables + setting boundaries
11:03 outgrowing friendships that aren't serving you + finding friends with similar values
16:12 the final look
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What have y'all been learning about friendships as you get older? I feel like we all got some words of wisdom to share on this😂
Some people are only in your life for a season. Some to teach you and some to be a blessing. The ones that are meant to be and truly for you, will stick with you forever. Don't force friendships/relationships, let them organically come together if its meant to be.
Please make more videos similar to this, like growing up and adulthood because there’s just so much we can learn about life and it’s always nice to hear it from somebody else’s perspective. :)
I've learned that people can walk out of your life, without any explanation, and you need to learn to be okay with that
I don’t have friends anymore I have FAMILY ❤️🔥🧎🏽♂️
Less is better but if I come across random ppl with great conversation I'm fine with that. My peace is everything.
I totally agree! I think that it isn’t a matter of that someone is a “bad” or “good” person but if that person’s values align with yours. Great video as always!
Thank you!
💯❤️
true!
The seasons thing is something I'm wrapping my head around. Since moving away from my hometown each time I try to reconnect when I visit, it's almost impossible, because people back home have moved on. It's bittersweet, but like how I moved away and lived my life, they can do the same. I'm now reaching a point where I can look back at these connections at peace, instead of feeling forlorn.
It's definitely a process and okay for it to hurt a little, I know that exact feeling
It’s definitely the “conversations” that we’re having lately. I honestly feel like there is no depth to them and all the people I hang around just relate everything to silly memes or tv shows... so boring. Either that or it’s just gossiping/drama. I really have no care in my heart for any of those topics. I tried bringing this up to my bf too (as our friend group is basically built off his mates and their gfs) and he said that it’s just light conversation you have in a group. But like what about our aspirations ? Current goals? Story telling ? Lessons learned ? How our jobs are going? Future goals ? I just feel like I want more adult and uplifting conversations....
i feeeel this. i'm the type of person that LOVES deep meaningful conversations. i want to know about your fears, dreams, first loves and so on. i am not about speaking about the weather, school, or work. just no, theres so much more to life and so much we don't understand and i rather focus on meaningful conversations than surface level crap.
Not my business at all but I recommend finding friends independent of your bf too! Having been in a similar situation, if it gets messy it gets real messy
This
I completely agree! I want to talk about the deep things but no one seems to want to sometimes.
Makayla you sound like the female version of me because most of the people that I know. And just people I've just met they like you said I want to talk about gossip or what the TV shows or just stupid stuff nothing to better themselves and it's like when I come across people and I have meaningful conversation to them it's like I guess I turn off or it's too much for them you know what I'm saying and I'm like use your mind think about different stuff you can talk about gossiping TV shows and real love and all that reality shows all the time but it's hard to find someone to have deep conversations like people don't use their brain anymore they just like simple conversation but too bad you have a boyfriend ☺️🤷
I'm 46 and I still have these types of learning experiences. This is an ever evolving necessity in life.
This is so helpful❤️
At 49 I am experiencing the same thing. When your spirit tells you to move on, you take heed. When you realize that the values don't align, they may not be a bad person, they just aren't for you. I choose me every time.
You speak with so much wisdom. I just turned 20 a month ago. And honestly this has been one of the hardest pills I had to swallow. Outgrowing friends, and accepting the harsh reality that not everyone is going to stay in your life forever. Our personalities are kinda similar cause I tend to seek validation in my relationships, friendships, etc., that explains why I become so overly attached to people and I don’t want to lose them. A reason that can be attributed to that also is the fact that my parents separated when I was younger, and I struggled to fill that void as I was growing up. But yeah, this whole pandemic has caused a radical shift towards my perspective on life and friendships. So, right now, I’m choosing to focus on myself because at the end of the day, I only have myself and my family to rely on.
Yes like it's not easy and I really do feel like it will get easier with time to accept. I don't think you have to necessarily always only rely on yourself and family, but I know that can be hard if that's where you're at in a phase where none of your friendships are reliable. Wishing you all the best❤️
I feel you in this 100%
Ending friendships but having peace in the end is totally worth it ❤️
Does anyone else get FOMO from looking at what old friends are up to on social media but knowing that those friendships don’t serve you anymore
Yes I do!😭
Yesssssss
No cuz I unfollow them 😅
I’ve been in my head about a work colleague that blossomed into a friendship but most recently I just started pulling back. I felt like every time we got together it was a vent session and most of the time I was on the receiving end. When I would bring up things, she would just continue ranting as if I never said anything. Basically a one-sided friendship!
Those really suck, specially when we care about them
That really sucks..🤔😢
How did you pull back that she won't get offended?
I cut off all my friends within the past year because I felt like I could no longer relate to them. It wasn't an easy decision to make but it was a necessary one. They were all toxic too and I really want to work on living a healthier life.
“they may not be aligned with the person you want to be”
This right here 🙌🏼 I started my self development journey almost 2 years ago, but only truly started applying these principles in these past few months. As I grew into becoming a better man, I’ve noticed the amount of people I’ve had to let go or naturally fell out of touch with. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult at times or even sometimes wish I was “normal” in a sense, but I’m choosing to believe that it’s leaving room for the right people that God is now allowing into my life. Love the different perspectives you gave, definitely opened my mind to relationship style 🙌🏼❤️
Okay yesss, it can feel so isolating but I 100% agree, you are making room for the right people in your life!❤️
Ugh, I have been going thru it mentally w/ outgrowing friendships 😩 Its hard bc it’s not so black & white! I’ve been feeling this way w/ one of my best friends from college. They’ve always been genuinely friendly & supportive but like…we don’t click like we used to? I just think we’re not feeding each other emotionally bc of the seasons of life we’re both in. And I feel so sad bc it’s not like they’ve done anything wrong. But every time we’ve hung out, the conversations are not that deep and I leave feeling kinda empty 😕
Yesss I know that exact feeling! Getting distant from some one can be so sad but you two may become close again one day too!
Hey u just described my mind lately, i cried a lot about it, i told my friend i was feeling that way and she daid shed try to keep more contact but now everytime she talks to me is when shes having a mental breakdown and when im having mine she doesnt put as much time into the conversarion as i do with her. Idk i feel like i have no friends anymore
I guess if really think about it we’re all just outgrowing each other. When you’re outgrowing someone , someone is outgrowing you. It’s a never ending cycle.
Yep. I lost a friend 6 months ago and it sucks. But looking back and reading over old journal entries about how much I wanted her to keep being my friend, I’m glad I can move on for her. I was trying so hard for her and she was giving me nothing.
Its hard but just remember that there are new friendships waiting for you ;)
Amen sistah! It is so good that you have your journal to look back at and to reflect. It is so easy to keep going on automatic, nurturing dead end relationships 🤷🏻♀️
This is not just for you in your 20’s ….I’ve been making these changes in my mid 30’s, but if you can learn early on in your 20’s and make these changes even better. I think in your 30’s you need to be even more aware, it can be tricky out here, and people pretend well. Use your discernment and always listen more than you speak. And remember that not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some are seasonal, and that’s okay, just make sure you learn and pay attention to patterns and sometimes be self aware enough to know you can be the toxic friend in some situations.Give yourself grace and grow from the experiences. Love and light 💜
Wow thanks for sharing late twenties here! Just recently relocated. I at times say I don’t want to be closed off because I still have a great deal of love in me for potential associates but man have I gone through changes in the friends department over the years. But as you said practice discernment and listen more! 🙃
This hit hard because I’m growing apart from my childhood best friend. I fought it for as long as I could but we’re too different now.
"How you are growing may not align with old friendships" This aligned with me so much!! In life we ougrow many friendships as we grow!
One thing I’ve learned is that the friendships I had in school and college were based on similar family environments. We bonded while talking about each other’s relationships with our parents and siblings. But the friendships I’ve developed as an older adult are based more on personal values. My world view expanded and friendships had to grow with it or else we grew apart.
This!!
I miss that feeling, feeling alive after hanging out with people. I feel myself accepting that my childhood friendships still have value, and i can still appreciate them, even though I rarely get that feeling anymore. they will always be in my heart, and making new friends is difficult, but accepting this has helped.
So timely!! Really needed this as feeling guilt over ending 2 draining friendships even though I know it’s the best decision for my mental health.
That guilt can feel sooo real but glad you're putting your mental health first❤️
One thing I didn’t expect to learn about friendships is how difficult it is to make friends and how awkward it is sometimes. In school you would make friends with people you were in class with - you see them every day and you always something in common to talk about. But now that I’m taking classes online, have moved to a whole new state, and this pandemic canceling everything, it’s harder making those same connections. And it’s awkward because I’m like, what do we even talk about anymore? Also, I swear I’m not interesting enough to make/keep friends (I’m still building a life for myself). It feels everyone else has SOMETHING going on meanwhile I don’t much, at least nothing worth talking about and sharing with people.
lol wait till you're 30+
Honestly so relatable
Bruh. It's very hard to make friends
I was just talking abt this yesterday!! People are constantly changing at different rates and surrounding themselves with people who fit that season of life. Let yourself thrive and let your friends thrive - that might mean you go down separate paths.
You always put shit in perspective for me at the perfect time. I just turned 20 2 weeks ago and have been reflecting on the high school friendships I lost. I held onto them for so long and it was time I’m getting older and like you said people grow up different and have different values and the sooner you accept it the sooner you can move on . Thank you Lynette, I needed this . ❤️
I love that you normalize therapy! I truly believe everyone should go, at least for a month, just to try. It has changed my life to learn that most of my unhealthy habits and thought patterns are leftover defense mechanisms from when I was a child (I had a tough childhood). My therapist helped me come to the realization that I no longer need those defense mechanisms because I'm no longer in those situations - I'm safe, I have a relatively stable situation, and people around me who love me - and now all those habits & thought patterns do is hold me back. I literally think about that every day and it has helped so much
Bravo sistah 👏🏻👏🏻🤗 It takes strength to invest in growing deliberately and intentionally! The payoff is more easy and joy along the journey ☀️✨✨
One of my favorite poems that has always helped me is "A Reason, Season. Lifetime"
I totally agree about having the right people in your life, if I feel drained I will always find a way to not hang out with them lol the people that bring me joy and fill me up, i''ve kept them around. i'm introverted so its so easy lol
It's so hard making friends as an adult with social issues. I feel like I socialize like a 12 year old, and it's the most frustrating and depressing thing in the world. I can't relate to anyone my age, or older tbh. Everyone has had life experiences and I have ZERO. I can barely even talk on the phone. My body feels like a cage. Bullying really messed me up.
God loves you so much! Even when you don’t receive love from others God loves you! Jesus Christ is the answer to all of your problems! The Truth will set you free! All the Truth is in the Holy Bible! 😄
Therapy ~~~
oh god i get you! i always have trouble finding something to say and the conversations always end so awkwardly for me.
Aww🥺 You will get through boo. It's been a year now, how is it going now?
@@nicolemuthoni1971 I still don’t have friends, but I have a job now. My social anxiety is still really bad, but I can hide it for a few hours at a time. It’s exhausting though. I have to spend a whole day alone to recover.
Sheeesh I been going through all of this lately!! 😅 I literally cut EVERYONE off. I’ve never been so isolated but it’s low key refreshing to not consume so many energies. Btw, i loveee the way u do makeup 😍💕new sub !
Hey pamela u feel it was a good choice? I also fid that but now i feel sompletely lonely 🥴
I tried getting contact back but realized why i cut them off in the forst place: its very one sided
You choose to protect your energy. Doesn't have to be permanent (unless they've earned it) but sometimes you have to distance yourself from people.
i’m currently going through a season of separation from things/ people that don’t serve a purpose in my life. i’ve ignored many red flags & have been reluctant, but decided to let it all go because i’m am “be-littling” myself by staying in situations that no longer serve a purpose in my life or helping me grow. i’m so happy i came around this video. i needed this ❤️
how did you let go of people that no longer serve you? i want to do that but i’m nervous and scared cause i live in such a small town
I've been going through a hard time for past week. I've been thinking too much about the friends i lost or that just drifted apart. Even though the friendships i ended were genuinely not helping my mental health, i still thought maybe i overreacted, I've been overthinking alot. Your video really comforted me as it reminded me why exactly i distanced myself and that its ok to walk away from people that once were a part of my everyday. Thank you
“Super excited to get glammed up with you” girl I thought you already were when you started the video 😂😍
Having a strong sense of self and knowing and understanding your values goes a long way in helping you navigate friendships and knowing that most people are for a season and that's okay.
I relate to this as I’ve come to the conclusion that my friend of 25 years is no longer a close friend, if a friend at all. I’ve tried over and over to keep the connection but she’s not trying. I’m tired of her behavior and selfishness, I’ve dealt with it for years. She’s always the victim of something.
It's for the better, trust me. I've cut off my best friend of 15 years. He also displayed the same characteristics. I am 31 years old and will not tolerate that behavior nor will I waste anymore energy explaining to a grown adult how their behavior is toxic.
Okay yes this "Not everyone is toxic, it's just the way they grew up and their perspective of loyalty/friendships." So I had a very clingy best friend while I had a group my girls that were mostly to themselves. Fast forward my friendship with my best friend did not work out because to her I wasn't putting much effort. When in reality I just never cared to much about drama or unnecessary conflicts. While my group of girls and I are still friends and were very close to this day. It's funny how I look back and see why my group of girls friendship works so well, it's because we all don't expect too much from each other and we do not have any drama/problems we just kinda vibe. It's really the best because yes we talk deep and express ourselves, but no kind of negative energy. We all really act like a guy group and i've realized that this kind of friendship works best for me.
I hope to find a good group of friends like that .
Wow you really pointed out something I never knew would resonate with me
. It's weird becoz I'm more like the friend you cut off becoz I also think I put more effort into friendships and when they don't return the same energy, I feel unloved and left out. It throws me off honestly.
You really made me notice that perhaps the people that are in my life are not bad people, but just not the kind of people that are compatible for my personality. They are like you, and I'm the opposite and that's why our friendships don't always work out. Even though we are good to each other and not toxic
Thank you for this. I'll start looking into this in my own friend groups. This really hit me hard 🤭💕
I agree with your values and goals change depending on the season of life that you’re in and so does your friends. I’m at that season now where I’m trying to focus on myself and grow. Going out with my friends “stalls me” from focusing on my goals at times. Thank you for this 💜
Yeah, love this whole video. What upsets me the most is that I have never had a permanent friend. Even now my one best friend of 9 years nearly never reaches out anymore and it just eats at me because why do all the friends in my life leave? I'm constantly making good relationships with people but suddenly it just disappears. At the end of the day I'm fully happy with myself and I love and appreciate everyone in my life so I try not to overthink it but it does get hard sometimes.
It’s a good thing I don’t have many friends 😂 way less work
Lol🤣🤣 not all friends are bad
Whew a word 🤣
😂😂
Yes girl! Loved all of this
I am 12 going to be 13 this December and going to highschool next year and have been thinking about this the whole time and many more. I've been growing every day,becoming much more confident and I'm trying to build healthy habits and get used to them as the house I live in with my mom and siblings is draining and only have a close relationship with one of them(my sister.
Thank you, I needed to see this!!!!
I loved this 🥺!
woo! the music really does it for me
Thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This was soooo needed.
I am so happy I’ve came across your CZcams (actually it was recommended from CZcams) but thank God. I’ve been binging your content and I’m so happy to not only see your growth but I truly love your authenticity! & the watch is dope as hell 🔥
love this
exactly what I wanted to watch right now
Loved this "real life" talk SO MUCH
This video is so amazing!!!
Thanks for this video, it’s so true
Wow. This video was just for me. Thank you for sharing!
I can relate to this video so much especially since the pandemic 💯
I really needed this video. I love watching you in the morning
I love that your videos get straight to the point 😭😍
This came at the right time
I'm loving your channel. The topics you're talking about are so relevant rn!!! Thank you!!!
Thank you I'm so glad!!🥰
Yesss and same goes for relationships with significant others too
Such good advice!
This came just on time! Thank you! 💕
I'm so glad❤️
My question is : Do I have to tell those people that "hey, I am cutting you off because I am trying to grow and you don't add any value to my life" or do I just slowly distance myself from them until we are off completely?
this is such a good point/question. i've done both! i think it really depends on the situation and how things are flowing with the friendship? i had a friend from high school, we started to drift apart but there was weird tension in the air about it, finally i told her i wanted to go our separate ways. she blew up, got all high and mighty on her Ego trip and told me she didn't need me any way.. i never replied.
but then i've had a friendship where i was making all the effort, they would bail on plans, or give vague text responses. i could kind of sense she didnt want to be friends anymore but i thought "hey, just be direct w me, enough with the games" so i asked her if she wanted to continue being friends and she told me no because ...
i wasn't hurt at her response, i felt relieved having confirmation that it wasn't working out - opposed to just ghosting me?
so i guess for me personally, i prefer for the person to tell me (in a respectful and polite way - no room for drama or pettiness here) and then we can move on, it doesn't need to be a big deal, we out-grow people, things change. but just be honest and don't lead people on.
Ghosting is a dickmove. Unless there is no other choice, don't do it.
Yeh be direct w ppl
@@fats3544 How to be direct when you haven't spoken for years and they suddenly contact you? 😔
@@fats3544 How to be direct when you haven't spoken for years and they suddenly contact you? 😔
your videos help me get my life together. keep doing you plz 💛
Yessss i was debating if I was ready to make this video this is confirmation! Life changing ❤️🤍❤️
This is exactly what I needed to hear
You hit this right on the nose !
Love when you post , it really helps me frennnnd. The part about friendships that no longer serve you is exactly where I am rn .
LOVE this
this was a great great great video and conversation!! thank you for this video, definitely feel less guilty for outgrowing.
If only you knew how much you’ve impacted my life 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
you are soooo pretty!! thank you for this video!!
Thanks for this video
Soo hyped for this🔥🔥🔥im gonna listen to it when i get back home. Currently in the valley recording bird sounds lol ❤❤❤
Dropping gems 💎
Yess I needed this video I'm going thru the outgrowing certain friends phase rn and its hard but most def necessary for growth.
I really needed to see this and deepen my understanding that it is normal and fine to have friends for a portion of your life to fit that level of your alignment at that time
Such a beautiful woman inside and out. What a wonderful perspective, I really needed this!
Thank you kindly for sharing your wonderful thoughts 💛
I love that you are so self-aware. It takes a lot of maturity to do that.
So much wisdom Lynette! Cant believe you are 23 🔥 LOVE YOU SM ❤❤❤❤❤
You seem so much more happier and just brighter in general. I started watching your videos talking about work culture and just seeing this change in your is so positive. Keep putting out that good content sis 😁
love the candle in the background. It's such a mood. And I totally agree about out growing friends and that being okay. I'm currently learning that lesson because it is hard to let go of childhood or high school or college friends.
yes! i rlly needed this video for clarity. i just had to let go of a friend who was holding me back spiritually and just not someone i want to be around, and i just outgrew them. but it is so difficult to tell someone that, esp when u know they love u. i’m learning this lesson rn to trust myself and be aware of who i allow in my life and to give my energy to.
I truly appreciate how raw and vulnerable you are - true to yourself and thats actually how I found your content. I preach therapy and how much it has changed me! I've been in this transitional part of my life (such as yours) and I am starting to outgrow people as I enter different stages in my life.
I love ur watch and nails 😎🖤. I also love your channel ! I feel the timing of ur topics align with what I got going on or the energy that is in the air for everyone lol. I can tell ur energy is authentic unlike a lot of other you tubers. I can tell u genuinely want to help people even within your own journey. Keep up the great work. I look forward to more videos. 👍🏾
I feel like im talking to a friend, thank you love :)
I agree I’ve out grew friends! Depending on how they were raised they view friendships differently! Setting Non negotiable are great
I totally agree...
Lynette, I am noticing your glow and beautiful growth. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and energy to all of us, you are inspiring and I am so so proud of you. Keep up the great work and goddess energy ✨✨✨
i’ve been wanting to discuss the outgrowing friends factor recently because of my current life so this helped me kinda bunch my thoughts together for my own video take, nonetheless good shit!
Lynette, this video reallyyy hit. I went through the same thing after college and therapy also helped me identify a lot. I also relate to having friendships where I left feeling drained. Your video is confirmation for me to start paying more attention to how I feel around people. Thank you for being open and sharing your experience with us!
That’s wild, I JUST filmed a video on outgrowing friendships last week and I’m posting it on Tuesday. I feel like assessing your energy when around friends to gauge if you should keep spending your time with them is so important. It took me a long time to start cutting ties with people who weren’t good for me anymore. Great video! ♥️✨
We love a girl who knows her worth. Keep flourishing goddess! Only keep those who meet your same vibe or higher✨🤍
I needed to hear this! Especially your perspective on friendships, personal growth & how interconnected they can be. Thank you. ❤️🔥
So glad it was helpful!!
This is such a good video. You covered the friendship topic very well. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you!❤️
I get so excited every time you post a video. Favorite youtuber by faarrr
Thank you so much!!❤️
this video was exactly what i needed right now! in awe of how insightful & aesthetic your videos always are 🤍
I'm so glad, and thank you❤️
Yh this is Godsent. Thank u. I'm turning 20 this year and recently lost someone. Sucks,hurts but I'll become better without them
Amazing how you were able to cover so much information in such a short amount of time. Have to add that you certainly chose the right major at UT. Such skill at blending marketing into your core presentation presentation!!😊
Wow, thank you so much! Been working on this so it means a lot!
Amazing!!🧘🏾♂️
I needed this
So glad I found youuu! SUBSCRIBED ✅
Thank you I'm so glad it was helpful! ❤️
Cyanide playing in the background was so relaxing 😩😭❤
Wow like are we the same person bc listening to this was so 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽