Distance Yourself From THESE Kind of People | Mel Robbins
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- čas přidán 17. 10. 2022
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Many people who are toxic know exactly what they are doing. When you try to explain it to them they turn it around on you in my experience.
Typical covert narcicist. 💯
A real friend is like a clover; it’s hard to find , but lucky to have….
If you do it, be prepared to be accused of having mental health issues. My toxic person is telling everyone that I have Bipolar Disorder. Because I’ve become brave and am finally doing what I want to do and apologize for absolutely nothing!!!
especially if you are dealing with someone who is really malignant about everything. Big sister is my albatross. Brother is a flying monkey for her so he is toast as well. Modeled the behavior I wanted to see and it was lost on them years of lost on them, LOL. I am done.
Hell I'm good with that because it is what it is and they already say I got mental issues which I think they got the mental issues because if that's being normal he'll give me crazy any the other week so you go girl you keep doing you to keep your head of other while don't pay attention what nobody says as long as you happy in your heart and you know that's what makes you happy then the hell would anybody else is you got to live for yourself you got to make yourself happy you can't depend on nobody else doing that and I learned the hard way I promise you I did so but I just feel I'm still trying to break the habit of feeling selfish when I do things for myself and not for others but I'm learning and trust me they're making it awful easy LOL take care of yourself I hope you have a great night evening whatever it is I've been cage with me working all day so I don't know which way take care
My kids were told I'm bipolar after I left a toxic spouse. Toxic is a polite term...
When people can no longer control you, you are mental 😂i choose mental wellness and me
Me too. I have a 16 year long smear campaign against me by a neighbour. Can't do much about it. Small minded believers aren't worth trying to win over.
One cure for not caring what other people think is getting older. I used to worry about that when I was younger but now I'm like kick rocks if you don't like it lol. Its so liberating! 😊
Getting there Laurie :D
Laurie you are 100 percent CORRECT 💯
Yes it is ‼️👏
Yes...if they WANT to target and find fault with you, no matter how kind and empathetic you are, they'll FIND something, anything !
I have a close family member who did that to me. And claimed I was “toxic”. I noticed they were intent on seeing everything in the worst possible way. Like through that sort of filter. I told them I felt the situation was toxic for me too. 😂
We should not be impulsive in these situations. However, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from people who are draining.
It's really difficulty when your parents, siblings, spouse are toxic. It's like an optimist trying to survive with pessimists.
Bro, youre so right. Its Very hard, when parents are toxic..
Same here.
True
Same here I feel you with this x
you too?, I can't believe someone else out there feels/ knows they are surrounded by toxic, negative family.
I will ghost frenemies who act like “friends”, toxic work colleagues and toxic relatives real quick coz in many cases they know what they are doing and hurt you intentionally. Why must I act like a clown 🤡 not to look toxic? Some people really need to be ghosted/cut/dropped whatever you want to call it.😏
Only explain yourself to people whose intentions are clear, people make mistakes but assess that person’s character. Imagine going to a narcissist to explain how they are making you feel only for that narcissist to feel superior because they now know they control how you feel and get so much excitement from that and gaslight you… be discerning and not put yourself in compromising situations, not everyone is safe to express yourself to, you will only make yourself a target.
I've misjudged this on so many occassions. The information expressed ends up being turned on you in the moment or they might show some empathy but then the information is used at a later date...Hard when it's family though...
It is not always safe to have discussions with someone before leaving. At least alone with them. Sometimes people have so much toxicity they are able to gaslight you back into the relationship. Sometimes we have to set strong boundaries around ourselves in order to survive. When your life and health are challenged and /or endangered inside the relationship, sometimes you need to take drastic action like leaving all of a sudden. Because you know if you have a discussion first, you're going to leave still being embedded in the relationship.
Exactly! Some people (like me) currently in therapy for being a codependent to toxic people. So the friendship was established from the beginning as one sided. Never having or allowed to have opinions and boundaries from the beginning of the relationship. After a while you just can’t handle the selfish person and their lack of awareness around their toxic tendencies and have to suddenly exit. Turning around to tell the person what you’re planning on doing to distance yourself from them is almost always going to end up with some sort of harassment and them endlessly texting and calling to get you back in line with their treatment. They’ll never understand cause they’ve already been doing and getting away with most of the behavior tolerated by you. If a boundary is not established from the beginning the relationship in some cases, it’s doomed and unchangeable. So important to learn about and know yourself so you can spot things from the door of the relationship. At that point the person would have a deeper understanding of how you function and work so they can take a bit more responsibility for there actions.
Hi Mel ,, I recently had to unfriend someone who I knew since high school,, we had a great friendship for many years but were removed from each other through distance,, she reached out to me a while back and we connected,, right away I felt exausted and anxious around her ,, her lifestyle didn’t mesh with mine ,, I decided to just let that go ,, I’m much happier with my own circle,,,
That's why starting TODAY, I am hanging out with you, Mel Robbins A LOT!!!
This may sound weird but I got a bit emotional, when you had the distractions, because you're so authentic, so real and it shows you're just like one of use, like me and shows you're passionate about what you do and I am here for it. I have been learning to remove toxic and abusive people from my life. The first person to go was the, I don't use my, because that's a belonging statement, and he is NOT my problem to deal with anymore. I left him after 32 years of Narcissistic abuse. I've since removed two ex friends from my life for their disrespect towards me. I am not having it anymore and it starts with me. Only I have control of my life and who I have in it.
Once had a coworker who would ask for help then blow up at me for explaining the work process she wanted help with. Accused me of being a know it all, with some profanity thrown in. By then she'd cultivated a close friendship with our boss, who witnessed this and did nothing. I felt I had no choice but to put up with her horrible behavior and I actually daydreamed of throwing her against the wall and choking her. No one knew this. Was actually relieved when I was laid off.
Oh I’d love to hear more about this story. The whole absurdity of it all dealing with crazies can be quite entertaining and sometimes I feel like I have to laugh about it to cope.
I think you’ve got to pick your battles. I tried to tell three friends how i felt and got no where. It was all about them and their selfish behaviour, hypocrites. I could no longer deal with the disloyalty, and disrespect. The drama and their toxicity. It was starting to affect my health, in the end for my own mental health and peace of mind I’ve cut two friends off and distanced myself from another who I would now treat as an acquaintance. I have not fought with anyone just quietly walked away.
Unless they're really toxic like a narcissist or a psychopath, in that case you should run for the hills!
Hell yeah 🎉
When you’ve had the conversations & the apologies & nothing has changed, ghosting is perfectly fine. I ghosted a close friend after numerous instances of her being horrible. It took her 6 years to notice! It was the right decision.
I got rid of a friend like this a few months ago because I used to confide a lot of stuff in them. I noticed how they just had an addiction to bashing people that he was friends with or people that I knew or neighbors. It's like he liked other people to be small (in his head) so he could step on them and feel bigger. I occasionally wonder if maybe I'm being a bit judgmental on that long? But the red flags have been blaring for too long and I'm going to stick with my gut on this. One day I went ghost and as long as I don't stop by their place and give the them my phone number, I think I'll be a lot safer
The problem is if I truly avoided everyone who was toxic I'd have to move to a deserted island and live off fish, fruit, and rainwater because they're literally everywhere you go. Every workplace, every grocery store, every hospital, every neighborhood, every school, and even in most families and friend groups. So I think a lot of times we need to just learn how to deal with and live among toxic people because let's be practical at a certain point it's really not always very realistic to avoid or cut contact with every person who shows you deceit, contempt, and disrespect. I feel like some life coaches act like there's just one expendable inconsequential toxic person just dangling your orbit like a useless disposable electron that once dropped will change the atom's overall charge and turn it into a completely different and much happier element in the periodic table or some bullsh*t. When really you're wading through an endless swamp of trash and someone is chirping at you to throw away some of the trash floating by you in the cesspool and meditate as if that's supposed to make you feel better when your up to your elbows in scum that stretches for miles in every direction and it's getting very dark outside to top it all off.
Saw this comment and thought to reply to a total stranger who I know absolutely nothing about, so I say this with a grain of salt…if you honestly feel that toxic people all everywhere and they are multiplying by the minute that you would need to live on a deserted island to rid of all of them (and I realize you may be using exaggerated language to make a point)…may be..just may be…either you are somehow attracting toxic people unbeknownst to you and you can take a look at that, OR your perception that toxicity is all around is a bit skewed and is a sign of something you can take a look at within yourself (unresolved hurt? Fear of abandonment leading to avoidant attachment style? loss of trust? Internal misery campaign? Etc.)
Just thoughts 😊
I wouldn't mind living on a paradise island... That sounds well nice how you described it! 🏝️🔥💯😄🌴
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense is helpful for interacting with toxic people you can't avoid.
Life saving and time saving advice! Mel Robbins is a gift to this world. Thank you so much!
I would love for you to teach all of us negative people how to stop being negative Mel! You tell all those positive people to get rid of us out their lives but not what we should do to become a better human being! None of us want to be negative but something happened to us as kids that made us that way! It makes me so sad and I feel so hurt when those positive people walk away from me. Please Mel, we need a second chance in life!
Love you Mel but I disagree with not ignoring toxic family/friends. Sometimes it's necessary when someone won't listen and is being an asshole. It's on them. Ignoring is sometimes the mature response especially when they won't listen. There's different levels of toxic but in my case it's the only way to protect myself from certain family members who take no accountability and have no self awareness.
I actually resent you saying it's cowardly. Bullies are cowards, not people who try to protect themselves. Ignoring is drastic yes but sometimes the only way a person can heal from abuse. It's called no contact and that's a personal choice depending on the level of abuse.
I am around someone who is dangerous frankly, and I had to back away.
with you on that one... hope for good bcomes toxic with toxic people..
Ignoring is required because we are exhausted, tired and weak from all that abuse and toxicity. We need to replenish and ignoring till we are up and strong is a way. But at sometime we have to find a decisive thing to do. Or it will always make you feel weak and then one feels ashamed. It hangs over one's head if not dealt when the time is right
Man covert narcs the absolute worst block and go no contact ❤🎉
Yes! Don't look back!
Yes hang out with people who cheer for you, who are positive that are appreciative and not passive aggressive
I love your videos. Unfortunately the toxic person in my life is my only child. My son. It’s been very hard for 25 years. Now I hv a grandson that I love dearly. I have worked on myself. I have changed my behavior because I have no control over him. He thinks he knows everything constantly trying to talk at me to tell me things I don’t understand about him. It’s a delicate dance. Thank goodness now I go down and Snowbird in Florida and I’m completely away from him for four months a year. I believe there’s some mental illness definitely narcissistic behavior. I’ve studied that here on CZcams for a couple years. Thank you for all of your input. Happy for you for your success. Keep up the great work.
Well, Welcome to the refuge of Florida. We have our own toxic mix here but none of them is your son, LOL. Great place to work on boundaries if you need to, lots of tourists and the natives are used to people who do things differently. 🤪🤯😎
I have this same problem at the moment which has been ongoing.
Love my grandbabies.
My son's partner has a lot to do with this attitude.... she's aloud to do all the comunicating but if we communicate she causes a rift by planting rubbish in his head and does it covertly.
It's tough but I have to let them go and enjoy my life.
It just wears you down to the point you have no life trying to navigate peaceful ways to spend time with the grandbabies.
Wow I totally get that. Definitely sad though especially around the holidays. I’m in a similar situation with my adult daughter after her sisters death at 20 in 2014. In Florida too
I had to ghost certain people because when I spoke to them and asked them to stop what they were doing that were annoying and disrespecting me they didn't so unfriended them and then ignored their messages but that was after year's
Blocked the negative and had the absolute best thanksgiving and Christmas was very peaceful
I have this issue with my housemate, my empathy allows them to remain in their crankiness - thank you for reminding me THIS is Their Issue. I am distancing myself and have stopped asking "How they are doing?" since they ALWAYS choose toxicity....ALWAYS traffic, bad drivers, and printer Ink to change.
I am ready to do this! I am going to continue to watch her and learn!!! Good vibes and good life only
It's perfectly fine and valid to try to understand and have compassion for someone who is toxic for as long as they're prepared and willing to take responsibility for their behaviour. Reaching out to someone who keeps being verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative is not healthy at all.
DETECTING PATTERNS is KEY for those of us in recovery from past harming patterns.
WE need to key into the specific phrases that continue to give us an un-easy gut reaction.
TIPS:
1. Make an inventory of these statements.
2. Make it mandatory to combat this with WORDS TO YOURSELF that are accurate and kind.
3. Create and recite an affirmation each morning, specific to you, detailing you deserve happiness.
BEST PRACTICES and WISHES to us ALL!
Sometimes we can't know what's going on with people. I thought a friend was just being cold. Turned out he had very early Alzheimer's. There was no immediate lesson except a reminder to reach out. Other times you can tell there's more going on and all you can do is either reach out or give it time. But that would be something you might not want to ignore. And sometimes another person is traumatized but they can't share it as such. If you decide they've simply become a drag and you want to get rid of their "negativity," then you really are not a friend, and also not a very caring person. Age and the passage of time (and events like Covid on those less young) can take a toll.
I love the interruption, the real life candid moment, it is beautiful. And I love listening to you speak, thank you Mel for this amazing video. You are such a blessing to millions of people !
I ADORE the snow globe analogy! Mel, you are BRILLIANT!!!✨
Thank you so much!
Precious young man and great snow globe visual...
All your videos are beyond brilliant and so helpful!! The amount of knowledge and helpful advice you give and share with us make me so grateful for you, your youtube channel and your books.
Well done Mel and thank you so much again for all your wisdom you share with us. It doesn’t go unnoticed!
Thank you!
I’ve recently started really applying empathy during my healing journey, and I’ll describe it as “giving them space behind them for their backstory. For their trauma” and it basically melts away any judgement I may be holding against them.
There's some aspects of your advice that I don't agree with, but I guess we could apply what is relevant for us and discard the rest. Having spent over 10 years giving to a friendship that was definitely toxic, I've learnt to put quite some distance between them and myself. I choose not to cut myself off entirely, but I'm very selective about how and when I have to see them or speak to them. I should have done this sooner. This is my way of setting boundaries and protecting my sanity😊
Good advice Mel! However when someone’s verbally abusive or consistently disrespectful…and an energy vampire! I’m not sure they deserve a conversation. Time is precious and someone 40 and up should be more self aware!
I'm anxious about the holidays too because there are toxic people in my family and my husband's. However, I'm very surprised by how well I handle these people year after year--I give short answers and ignore them as much as possible. Whew! So I need to not worry because I've already proven to myself that I can handle these people.
I am on Face Book again but I have taken on NO friends or family on there, not even my husband is on the page , I do look at pages but they are for my enjoyment not for any other reason at all.
I divorced my family and none of us miss each other, NO GUILT. Parents are dead, sibs are toxic and I am FREE finally. Hot Damn, Here I am....
force fields are so very appropriate for me, More Speed Scotty......
Sometimes the "why" is about us!For example, there is no reciprocity on our end i.e. we are not compassionate, available etc and this person is begging us to confront ourselves. This can show up as "annoyance"
you are allowed to say NO and not be around toxic people, even if the toxic person is family. It is never personal, it is all about behaviour. If you don’t want this kind behaviour in your life, then choose this and follow up on that.
It's really been a difficult journey for me having a narcissist parent who lives around the corner and is elderly. I think the lesson I have learned is NEVER be that kind of PERSON.
I got one too and I’m living at home right now it’s really hard
@@nazeere8823 I'm sorry. I understand completely. Blessings💕
Yo Mel. Your the type of person that I know we would be friends growing up. Your madd funny and you keep it real. I feel we’re sisters from another mother. 😅Thank you!!!!!!
You are awesome❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Their stuff stays with them snow globe example is fantastic ❤
The snow globe is a great analogy....
Yes i try to avoid toxic people..thank u for ur beautiful guidance..Godbless
I had the same relationship with my mother. We were very different but we were a lot a like also. We both had a hard time relating to each other.
As long as you know she loves / or loved you. Parents can’t help it if you’re different from them in various ways. That’s not enough reason to feel you need to distance yourself. Life is short.
I love this lady ❤️. I just recently started watching her! Love the content! I'm a subscriber. 👍
Normally I agree with most things that Mel is saying,but saying that we are toxic inside of us is actually completely a 100% untrue just because we attract toxic people does not make us the toxic person. because I got rid of all the toxic people in my life and now I'm perfectly happy so how do you explain that I was always happy inside of myself and joyful it was a pattern from childhood of feeling sorry for people and continuing to give them too many chances! I hope nobody ever self blames just because they're attracting bad people into their life that usually means that you're good because evil is attracted to good!
I hope you don't mind that i offer my opinion.pleaee keep in mind that i don't know you or your situation. I see toxic behavior as being "harmful behavior" to yourself and others. Toxic behavior comes from an inner wound that has not healed yet.
Let me give an example. An overly giving person often attracts narcissists. The narcissist is toxic, because he harms others by manipulation and lies to control them in order to get their needs met (example: the need for security). This is obviously harmful to others, while they also poison their own mind. Ultimately its a coping mechanism that comes from a deep wound.
An overly giving person is toxic in a way that it is harmful to them because their own needs are not met, and harmful to the other because it is encouraging the coping mecanism of the narcissist. So, overly giving is also a way to cope (example: the need to be valued).
You are very right about not feeling guilty for other people's behavior. I don't believe that evil is attracted to good and in fact believe it is a very dangerous way of thinking. It gives away our inherint power.
It is a way of saying "I am at the mercy of life, it is what it is".
Wouldn't it be much better to say "i come across good and bad people. I decide which ones i invite into my life".
I attempted to reconnect with my life long "Toxic" person, she insulted me without awareness and ghosted. I think she did me a favour.
Will Smith advising on how to avoid toxic ppl is rich.
Lmao trump 😂
A lot of the rich it is what it is
the Entanglement of it all 🫢
On spot timing Mel!
Going through much of this right now.
Thank you much for talking about these topics.
So glad you uploaded a video like this because I have been struggling with this issue for a while now and I’ve been very perplex about what decision is correct and isn’t thank you so much! You’re the best
Thanks Mel for cheering me on and spreading positive energy and habits. You are awesome in making sense of so much.
One of my goals is to Meet you some day.
Be blessed
Thank you for sharing and for simplifying the information she share for those of us who need it to be broke down into a way we can understand what your teaching..
You are extremely helpful. Don't take the bait, and manipulation is what I am working on people using on me. People see how caring I am and that makes me a target.
People lie about EVERYTHING. I don't feel like I have the time to pause. I don't need any friends .
Great talk. Although I got burnt out giving everyone the benefit of the doubt with the endless empathy stream. Now I’m just okay being confronting if people expect to just keep things civil.
Also, where is the material that helps people be more accountable for their actions that do impact others. A person can’t just go around (for example: talking peoples ear off and never reciprocating the listening ear) and then do the force field thing because people are impatient with them or at their limit but the person doesn’t listen.
The people who are sometimes the least self-aware are ones that trigger others and then look for validation that everyone else is toxic and they are the victim when they are the ones triggering people.
Like for instance, is it only in the workspace that you receive certain feedback? You also receive it at home and from strangers? Hmmmmm…
I like the last part where you asked the person if THEY are making their family members feel seen and heard and supported. My sister always came to me with issues she was having with guys and people at work. At some point. I said, “What about our relationship? I’m here. How come you aren’t concerned with making sure I’m supported or heard? Why aren’t you concerned with the quality of our relationship?”
I'm helping someone with these very issues. I have shared this information. It will be just what they need.
Thank you for all your information videos. I spend each morning putting out inspirational funny extreme types of videos and I love what you have to say. So I actually spent most of the evening listening to several of your videos it's a great reminder for myself as well to help others.
I have my masters in life LOL and I'm just doing my best to pay it forward. I've taken myself out of a narcissistic relationship by the way that video part one and part two were fabulous! I'm totally in control of my life now. When I found out what it was I researched and learned all I could on the subject I spent hours researching. I have been at peace for years now. But still learning still healing but I find joy in doing what I do.
Mel you're great. Helpful and uplifting 🤗💞
This is eye opening. Transformative!!!
For me the toxic people that are in my family. Are bigger traders than anyone online or an old friend. They're the one that needs to be deleted out of your life to have peace.
Love this Mel
Thank you x
Wow! Mel you too had the mom and daughter struggle! Mine is a narcissist so thanks for letting me see that even with a ‘normal’ mom, there can be issues!!
Love love this Video.. thank you🙏
Thank you for this!
WOW, you touched a lot of very imperative topics. Thank you, Mel🤗👍🖐️🚀
I learn SO much from you! Thank you!
What's coming up for me, regarding my Mother is a feeling of been let down, treated like a second class citizen. If you sat with me for 15 minutes Mel you would change your stance. ❤
Preaching to my soul!!!!
TRue. Let the doorknob hit them, where God split them. Just smile and drive them crazy.
I have a "friend" that is frequently condescending and gets angry with me in almost every conversation. The more we hang out, the worse she treats me. I do care for her but I've determined it's best to only see her at church or group events as one-on-one has become almost abusive. Some people make being a close friend too painful so it's best to just let them be.
💯 True… couldn’t agree less.
Thanks for the information on family
It’s always good to try to walk in someone else’s shoes just to see how they feel. But then, you need to look into yourself and see how to help and protect yourself. It can be hard to protect yourself but without empathy you aren’t doing yourself any favors either. You will feel guilty. But if you need to leave and you understand deeply why and do it right you wont have any regrets.
Thanks Mel for all that wonderful advice given. This is exactly what I have started doing in my life now and I have seen how effective it is. God bless you always for coming up with these videos. 🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍
No need to be embarrassed Mel. I actually felt like I was there visiting with you as you tended to things and the food deliverer. 😅
Coming to the realisation that I have too many snowglobes in my life. Bring on summer 😎
Snow globe visualization
I LUV it!
I started a new job, went to lunch with a coworker a few times. I found I didn’t like her energy. One she talks allllllll the time. She started showing up at my desk to talk 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣. The last straw was she sent me a pic of pet on Friday night after 10:30pm. I never 👎🏾 responded to her text. It’s been two months when I see her I say hello and have a great day. Sometimes you have to cut people off. I’m tired of attracting energy vampires.
Thank you Mrs Mel Robinson.
This information was very helpful..
THANK YOU!!!!!! I f-ing love you Mel!
Excellent information 👍🏻
Tysm Mel! Ily ❤
Thank you🎉
Love that about the snow globe !! Going to do it thank you
Setting boundaries with anyone outside of my husband terrifies me because deep down I’m almost positive I’d lose everyone else in my life. Hopefully that’s not true and maybe just a people pleaser mindset but it keeps me from doing anything for myself a lot of the time.
Thank you so much for such excellent Podcast.
I don't know who this lady is; but, anyone listening to her are headed in the wrong direction. Many of us have been disrespected, hurt and damaged by those we trusted. The people hurting you, DO NOT need to be told that they're MISTREATING you. All they'll do is say, "you're too sensitive." 🤐
They know they're hurting you because they're hurting you on purpose. WALK AWAY and don't look back! They KNOW EXACTLY why you walked away. But, they'll play crazy until the day they die. Let them✌️✌️
This is not a blanket statement. Some people hurt others without knowing it. Surely we are all capable of hurting others. No one is perfect. If there is blatant disrespect, it is still okay to say adios! That's standing up for yourself. Running off never empowers.
You definitely saved my happy life from constantly encountering toxic ppl
If it's family sometimes, they have been toxic as long as you can remember. I will ghost them before I disrespect them. No matter what we all choose who to be everyday. And they are making that choice. Leave them and understand your part in being an enabler. Pray that they find their way.
I loved the interuption 🤭 Nice speech also, as always🙏 You're very pleasant to listen to 😊
I've done this now I'm by myself all aloe no one to talk too and it's Thanksgiving ,Happy THANKSGIVING 😢😢😢
I do not advocate sitting in dangerous situations. There is nothing wrong with you. Throw in the towel and move on to safe spaces. Dont think you have to put up with disgrosting relationships. I just watched an episode from mel who said cut that loose! Cut it loose and move forward. It could be as simple being attracted to toxic personalities. We are our own best advocates!
Spot on advice. Much appreciated visual!
Thanks for the wonderful advice. Love the snow globe analogy .
Hi. I"ve enjoyed your videos, Mel. It's perfectly ok that you had a few problems about 30 minutes before the end of the video. For example when a delivery person came by to drop off your lunch, that's perfectly fine that he came by at a time you didn't expect. No need to feel embarrassed, it just means you're human for not managing your schedule better. Not a problem at all. Just wanted to say I really appreciated this video and your advice in it. I will keep the advice in mind. Thank you!
I love the snow globe analogy!