P's Fear Of Emotional Intimacy (Avoidant Attachment)
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- čas přidán 15. 09. 2018
- It was about time that we truly delve deeper into this topic. It's been present in our relationship ever since the very beginning, but only now is it becoming clearer for us why it has been so difficult...
Our friend Michael James: www.michaeljames.be Business Email: sadieandp@gmail.com
P’s Second Channel:
/ @pthebunny2007
P’s MOVIE:
www.openshadowfilm.com/
Sadie’s Instagram:
/ sadie_sedef
P's Instagram:
/ paola.acquamarina
If you would like to add subtitles to any of my videos, you can go to this link:
czcams.com/users/timedtext_cs_p...
It's called "emotional incest", when the parent demands emotional satisfaction/security/approval from their children. The child learns how to manage his parent's emotions, how to not trigger their outbursts, how to be a "golden child" that is always neat and proper and good at school and doesn't make trouble, because otherwise, the parent would be unhappy/sad/depressed/hysterical...
The child grows up having learned that people are to be managed, soothed, placated, indulged, because they won't like me otherwise. The flip side is simply giving up on people and running away, they demand to much, just like my parent, and I can't make them happy, I'm not enough, I will disappoint them.
We were both really struck by this comment. Thank you for writing this. ❤️
Very well put. And very true.
@@SadieP Je suis en chemin
Sadie: " Emotional intimacy is when you feel the other person's heart very close to your heart, and they're like a part of you, and you just want to squeeze their cheeks "
AMEN TO THAT SISTER!!!
I love when P explains..
She makes so much sense to me
You know what hurts Sadie. Is that I’ve been where you are. And you can’t fix her. This is her attachment type and you will be in pain as long as you are in this relationship. Also ask yourself why are you in a relationship that slowly and subtly tortures you. Those subtleties will take a toll on you. Know that there is a price for any company you keep.
I'm happy I found your channel and I keep finding so much honesty in all your videos. I usually relate a lot to Sadie's position, but it's very refreshing to try understand things from P's eyes. I'd like to specially thank you not only for sharing but for being so willing to be on this path of constant growth, which I perceive definitely sets your channel apart from everything else.
You beautiful unicorns! Muack!!
I can totally relate with what you and P are going thru. My first ex gf was pretty much the same way as P. We dated for a year then broke up and then basically just turned into bed buddies. Pretty much we'd just see each other whenever she wanted or whenever she needed me. She knew how in love I was with her that I almost feel like the more I tried giving her my love, the more she'd try to get away from me. So then that would just make me keep all my feelings inside and try to be kinda cold and distant with her.. and that's when she would react and come looking for me. Well to make the long story short, this lasted 6 yrs and damn was it painful. I finally got the point where I felt I was never going to be good enough for her. And that's when I knew that even though it was going to break me bad, I had to walk away. I really wish the best for you and P and I'm glad you're trying to get some sort of help.
Fixing yourself first is the most important thing anyone can do for a healthy relationship. If you are not healthy inside you cannot be healthy for someone else. Learned that the hard way. 4 Toltec agreements came into play for me which was key to self awareness and then acceptance. A: Be impeccable with your word B: Don't make assumptions C: Don't take things personally D: Always do your best. Easier said than done. I highly recommend Don Miguel Luis's book the "4 Agreements" which gives in depth explanations of each tenet. When you finish that one go on to the next which is "the 5th Agreement".
I love listening to P talk. My experience is pretty similar to hers and listening to her makes me feel less lonely while helping me learn more about myself.
I would love to be in a relationship someday but I haven’t got the slightest clue how to be with people without subconsciously grooming myself to their liking and feeling like I’m losing myself so I have given up on dating and even friendship. Meditation and lots of alone time has begun to help me heal but there’s still a long way to go.
I know that the way I am hurts other people which one of the reasons why I avoid them but it also hurts not being understood. Watching you, Sadie, understand where P is coming from with her issues made me feel emotional. I had no idea people like me can be understood by others because I’ve never experienced or witnessed it before. I thought I was doomed to feel disconnected from others but maybe there is hope.
I hope you two are doing well
This is like way better than group couples therapy. I'm amazed by your authenticity. Love you both, bye.
This is incredible! you guys just lived out my past relationship in one conversation. The way you two can be vulnerable and connect and discuss is incredible. So much growth to discuss behavior patterns!!!! So much love for you both
I just want for the both of you to be happy.
I can really relate to P's fear of emotional intimacy and i'm working on it atm
So open and honest. Best of luck on progress to getting closer all the time. Knowledge is power.
Sadie, I'm so impressed with your wisdom! You have the gift of feeling and seeing exactly what the problem is and can articulate your feelings clearly and without any drama. You are exactly what P needs to come out from her shell: God makes no mistakes!
Watching this broke my heart. I suggest couple's therapy if you have any hope of surviving together. Sadie is suffering.
Starry Knight same feeling😔
Starry Knight, I totally agree with you. I'm worried for Sadie. P seems to know everything she does and doesn't do in the relationship, I'd like to know what P is doing to improve things. P seems to be holding the cards!!
@@moreynolds9870 Thank u, Mo 4 speaking out. I took a very long time whether to write what I saw. All this nonsense about, " I prefer sleeping in my own bed...etc.," HELL, NO!! Even if we r not having sex I would want my partner 2 sleep next to me, so I could hear the rhythm of their breath or for them to feel reassured I am next them. I am not sensing a 50/50 situation here. Sadie is younger by years, but is highly intelligent & wiser like the old beautiful soul she possesses. I wish her happiness in her life, as that is what she deserves.
@@shiryang3490 Thank u. We wish Sadie LOVE, SUPPORT & HUGS XX
Starry Knight, hey thanks for replying. I really hope they can work things out, Sadie has so much patience!!!!! Much more than I would have. Even after a fight you would normally sleep in same bed. Sending prayers to them xxx
Wow, thank you for sharing this. I relate to P. so much having grown up with an emotionally demanding mother & being a parentified child. My reaction to it was the complete opposite though; I just became desperate for finding that emotional connection I missed with my mom somewhere else. Like I'm still trying to compensate for what I lacked back then. When someone tries to be emotionally intimate with me, I will easily get too eager and overshare, which often makes the other person feel unvalidated and invisible in their emotion. So in the effect is actually quite the same! Mind is blown.
I can really relate to P in this. I also have an avoidant personality. Therefore it makes it very hard for me to have emotional intimacy with anyone. But it’s also something that I crave deeply at times. But most days I’m comfortable with just being alone and doing my own thing, without having to explain myself to anyone else. I totally get when she says it feels like a chore! Sometimes it feels forced and uncomfortable. We like being free. When something is expected it doesn’t feel genuine anymore. Idk how to explain it lol It’s very hard to be vulnerable for some people. Try to be as understanding as you can. I know she says it might not hurt as much, but trust me it does. There’s nothing worse than unintentionally hurting someone you love. This was an interesting video. Great content 😊
Sleeping in the same bed doesn’t have to be sex or intimate. It means sharing a space and a comfort with your partner ♥️
This is the best thing you can do in a relationship....talking. people don't talk about issues in relationships and so resentment starts to build. My wife has Aspergers and daily life can be challenging but we manage it by doing exactly what you guys are doing now, talking about it. We have a healthy relationship because of it.
I love your authenticity and how you manage to go deep and address what’s not working and why. I can relate to this on so many levels. The only thing your channel lacks is a professional who can tell you (and your audience) what steps to take and where to go next in order to get those barriers down. I think you’d be perfect for one of Esther Perel’s podcast episodes. The love is so apparent despite everything else, it’s just hard to figure out how to make it work, passed the personal scars and it’s the same in a lot of relationships. ♥️
Very well explained P, both of you were matured and very independent in discussing a topic.
Good night Sadie...THANKS FOR SHARING SO MUCH
Profound! Sadie is P.'s Teacher and P. is Sadie's Teacher in this Life..wow! So glad I witnessed this exchange. Thank you.
Sadie, you’re more than enough♥️ just keep that in mind and work with P on this issue. If you get through her problems, then you could have it all! Who knows🌸
Hey Sadie & P,
I've been subscribed to your channel for over a year. This is the first time I've watched this video + the first time I've ever commented on one of your videos. I think you were both very brave & vulnerable to share this with us + I think a lot of people will find it valuable in understanding themselves & relationships. You both explained it very well from your perspective. P, I would say you're extremely lucky to have found Sadie. For someone to be patient & stay through that pain & work through it is really tough. This isn't a criticism of you as I totally identify with this behaviour. Sadie, you are extremely mature particularly emotionally for your age. I love the variety of videos you make & the honesty you both show. Thank you for helping me through this long lockdown. P. S. I love your mum she's awesome. Hopefully, when you move to Italy we will still hear from her. Good luck with the move 🇮🇹& keep doing what you're doing. I would also love to see an update on this topic. Take care Bernadette xxx
A very frank an open honest discussion, it really made me think about my own relationships, i love how sadie i very calm an self aware n how P acknowledges and recognizes so many points. I rly hope u guys work things out for the better much love n peace of mind
Both of you are having your own therapy sessions in a lot of your vlogs which is great. The best thing you have going is your communication skills shouldn’t b a problem. You don’t hide issues you even share it with the world. Your helping a lot of people out there while helping yourself.
I really appreciate you guys for making this video. Very eye opening and freeing.
I really don't know what to say.
SADIE REMEMBER P IS A LOT OLDER THAN YOU AND THAT'S THE REASON WHY SHE IS AFRAID,,SHE IS THINKING OF YEARS AHEAD,I KNOW THAT SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HER,JUST TAKE DAY BY DAY,,,I WISH THE TWO OF YOU ALL THE LUCK
Robert Craig u r so right P b careful the youger generation has no patience I just feel u feel when u get older she will disappear but truthfully Ms.Sadie looks like she is in for the long haul Sadie try to b patient u 2 understand P, God bless u both
At the beginning of fear is just a penumbra of imagination. Don't let fear take control of your love. Among the important thing, the relationship are the most valuable. sending love from Thailand.
The picture being off center with the bed 🙈lol
This is eye opening, and i am a lot like P.
Please do talk more about this topic!
soooooo long waiting😍😘but finally❣️
Wow this was very interesting I learned a lot about myself watching this thank you !
Thank you for your bravery, P.
Thank you for sharing. Struggling with my relationship with my wife and my depression is my struggle today. Thank you so much. I’m a very affectionate person and very emotional needy. My wife is neither one of those. She is a wonderful person and I’m happy to be married to her but my struggle to connect with her and detach my feelings is our biggest fight.
Thank u for this. I needed to hear someone saying all this stuff in details.it opened my eyes on new prospective
I hope I'll be able to be with someone who'll understand the importance of seperate rooms too and not take it as a commitment problem. It's great to see you guys talk about this... Would like to see what P's perspective is about the relationship cause this was about what makes it difficult for you... But the vice versa was absent
Finally!! I like your videos because you discuss your issues which helps your viewers with their own relationships..how come you look so damn beautiful!! Love you both
i have a lot to learn and watching this made ME feel vulnerable..and im not even there.
Being a lesbian myself and listening to Sadie and P gives me more learnings on how to handle my relationship. That is why i like their concept of video making. Besides the fact that P is so beautiful and Sadie is so inlove with her..
@@ellapatriciaandal4739 do you know their ages? Just wondering
Wow...i know how it feels Sadie...my gf are on control with the relationship .. .i feel hurt so many times..because i am so sentive and i love her so much
@jubjub P is 50.. yes i know she doesnt look like 50 more like 30.. Sadie is 22..
Omg P's laugh warmed my heart so much ❤
Cavolo, Paola, provo esattamente le tue stesse emozioni. Grazie per averle esternate, mi ha aiutato a capire cose che non riuscivo a spiegare.
Elena Principe 👍💖
Very good advice/talk, Thanks for sharing!!
I just love you both Sadie, and P💗.
I was in a relationship with this pattern for some time. But then we decided to not be a couple anymore and to transform our relationship into a friendship instead. It was challenging, but we managed to do it :) So we didn`t lose each other, but we are in each others lives in a way that is not painful anymore. But this is not the answer for everyone.
It was very interesting to listen to you both. Thanks for this video :)
P please open up to Sadie , she really loves U deeply , please show her love too , because life is too short. Love is the best.
Interesting the voyage of self discovery. More interesting is what one does with it. Thank you for Sharing
I love how you guys communicate! Communication is so essential, my ex constantly would hurt me and when i would try to leave she would beg me back...id give her another chance then shed hurt me again. I never understood why she did this to me and i have tried to communicate with her but she would shut off. I used to think it was my failt why she hurt me and not communicate with me but i have realised she has alot of personal shit to work on. I am now learning to love myself because she made me hate myself and made me feel like I deserved the pain.
+Ree Lala Nobody ever deserves abuse! We all deserve to be loved. We're all preciously human! 💜 please dont hate yourself. I know how it feels
You are in an abusive relationship and I'm glad that you actually realize how you feel about yourself in this relationship. I hope you can solve this problem
cool stuff i left her! 💗💗 her loss
Sadie & P. Thankyou! And im learning to love myself and cant wait to be with someone that appreciates me💗
Love how p explains this,i think this is me.
I love you two!! It is hard for P. because she lived a very private life. I know how she feels. In time thing will be more open and better.
That was an amazing video!!! ❤️
I feel the same way! I can't show any emotion and show that I'm vulnerable....it sucks but that's how I have been thought to be....because of all abuse
I'm in a new relationship and this seems to be going on & it hurts like Hell. I always wonder, what I've done wrong.
This video, helps me to understand what is happening. Thank you, both!
Was just thinking about you guy's and comes your show. Love. Om Shanti. 🙏🙏
Thank you guys for this video 😃
P . Sadie is in love with you, do not let go
Let go if u need to. That is REAL LOVE.
After watching especially this video I realized P and I are very similar. I can relate to her behavior of being distant when too much intimacy is present. For me it is like there is so much love inside me and if I show that, if I show all my vulnerability, if she knows every single drop of me, if I’ll give up my control on my emotions and one day when she hurts me then I’ll be broken into pieces. And then I’ll have to pick up those pieces and move on with my life. But how. You see I’m scared of something that may not even happen. It’s hard to explain but it is how I feel. So it’s best that I put some distance between me and my beloved. Nonsense, and yet that is what I do. I’m aware of what I do and I really think I should change this and I’m trying my best to overcome this feeling. But it is so hard to always struggle with yourself, to challenge the person you are. I sometimes need a boost, someone to push me to face myself. That's why I think P is lucky to have found you. Because you are so open to communicate. I hope you always find your ways toward each other.
Amazing video we love you guys you two are so beautiful and sweet stay strong lost of love and hugs for both of you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ne güzel sakince, rahatça, zorlamadan konuşabilmeniz bu konuyu.
So you're trying to control her emotion? and you want to feel needed. Be careful, I've done that in my younger days, until the person left me completely. that was a first big heart break. She eventually get tired of it one day and found someone else. You might say, it's okay you can go and find someone else, but deep inside you're just putting a wall.
I believe I understand where P is coming from and have acted the same way throughout my own life. That contributes as one of the many reasons why I have gone my own way. When a girl I really liked in high school asked me to Sadie Hawkins .. I still said no to her.
It might have been fear of intimacy .. no longer matters, have quietly walked away from it.
sedef, you are SUFFERING and trying your best to make this relationship work!! you seem pretty depressed though!
So much love♥️♥️ from South Africa🇿🇦
sadie looks very cold from the outside but a very different person inside.very emotional and fragile.Sadie I understand you very well.I've been through a lot of things in my relationship.And the end is always bad. I had to leave.I was very upset.I left my boyfriend for that reason.I felt lonely in a relationship.i still miss my old sweetheart and i love it too :((( I hope your girlfriend understands you made a mistake.Because your feelings are beautiful and very strong.I hope you fix everything.Goodbye strong girl. Annnnnnndddd come to Turkey
+Umut Polat 💙
Gosh, P. You are so wonderful!
Hi Sadie and P! Thank you for this video. Did you somehow manage this pattern over a year? Is there a progress and does it feel better now? Would be really interesting to have some kind of an update as I believe this dynamic and feelings are relevant for many people.
Wish you all the best!
I completely understand P. I'm just like her. I'm afraid of emotional intimacy as well, but my case is worse, because I can't even have a romantic relationship. I'm so afraid of what the other person think or demands of me that I simply shut myself off. It's terrible. I love when you do videos like this, because it help me to be more brave, but real life it's hard.
....just worry about your Creator's view of you. End of story.
sweet beep creator meaning Almighty God who is Jesus Christ
I'm an atheist so the Creator means nothing to me. That's why I try to solve my own problems and sometimes with the help of professionals.
@@renatateofilo9887 .... Well why is the chance of random perfection and design more likely than a creator?
@@melissaonorati3458 ...well God. Jesus is his son.
Fear to loose someone can trigger the fight or flight response, this is particulary true about those whose heart has been previously damaged. The only way to have a healthy relationship is to take it slow, to allow trust to build up gradually and to be completely honest and vulnerable with one another, God will take care of the rest.
Ohhhh Sadieeee I feel you so much. That s my situation too......! And ya, it hurts.
I've always begin uncomfortable with emotion! I don't like to hug and I don't like to be hugged! I can't remember not feeling this way! I see the look on their face and I know it hurts them but it just do damn hard! I've simply face the fact that this is me!
I can relate to your handling of emotional intimacy.
I would always escape away from any form of confrontation.
I believe it stems from the way we are brought up.
My creativity would come into play and some of my good work came from these times.
I am living on my own at the moment and for most of the time I enjoy my freedom.
I am having a distant relationship with a lovely lady. We come together at intervals, and it works.
I like that we are not co dependant.
It's saves a lot of arguments.
She is 67yrs and I am a young 70yrs.😅 thanks for your video's.
Stay safe.
Are you in Italy? I have always dreamt of going to Italy.
I have 2 daughter's. First ones father
Was Italian. Second ones father Was Egyptian. My second daughter has
Been ill with cancer, so I'm not able to go overseas at the moment.
I am a young 70yr old so I Don't want to wait too long.
Thanks for all the dialogue and videos of Italy. Grassi xx🐨🇦🇺🏳️🌈🙏❣❣❤💚
hi P.(YOLO)just live with the moment.we can't fix the thing's that already done.please don't be afraid and be there to sadie what ever happens.ilove you both,take care.by the way i dreamed last week and you are there P in my dreams 😁
Very interesting…as I’m late to this party I’m hoping patterns have been broken for the better. 🙏
HUGS 4 Sadie
This was so interesting
For us, it is only when I realize I needed to open up to be the woman I am, who can be and usually is very emotional and vulnerable that I need my lover's arms to hold me and make me feel safe. This prior to transition for me this was the exact opposite.
Probably its another mask you have to drop..P, love you both.. Sadie, i can feel the love you have for P..
P is brilliant.
Yea how nice of P to admit...but mean while back at the ranch Sadie is young and life is short and emotional support is not something a beautiful person like her she be begging for. P should be in therapy ASAP!!!
have experienced the exact same thing with a partner, extraordinarily painful
there's also the fact that anxious attachment styles (who aren't securer either) attract avoidants. They have their own wounds and escapes which may include become the 'fixer' - but thats still running away from yourself and naturally the other part can feel that- and its intensified for the avoidant. Simply some input to emphasise that both parties may need healing and there isn't a bad guy and definitely isn't a victim always- unless one has wounds where they choose victimhood. At least after childhood. Rarely would a secure attachment remain too strongly in an incredibly painful situation
Amir Levine “bağlanma/attached” book. You can read it.
Super bir sohbet olmus kesinlikle 2 3 kez izliycem çünkü %100 aynı sorunu yaşıyorum iliskimde ve malesef erkek arkadasim p ile ayni iliskimizde bu videoyu mutlaka erkek arkadaşımada izleticem... seviyorum sizo😘
+Canan Ünlü ❤️❤️❤️
EVERY person fears intimacy. If we didn’t fear intimacy, we’d walk up to a stranger that we like, and reveal to them the deep thoughts we had towards them. We don’t because that would make us vulnerable. So, we stick to friends. And the familiar. Fear of intimacy is cowardice, in a way. A fear of revealing the ugly, unattractive parts of ourselves.
I cannot imagine deeply wanting intimacy and having my partner wanting to sleep in a separate bedroom. I hope this situation resolves itself to your mutual satisfaction. I have lived too long by myself. I crave intimacy and will have to learn to give my partner space to herself. I just pray it would not be the place where we rest, sleep, and have sex.
Sedef çok özel bir kızsın. Saf, duyarlı... Alıcıların çok kuvvetli. Modern zamanlara uymayan bir karakterin var. Sanırım bu yüzden depresyonlarin var. Başkalarının çoğunlukta olması onları haklı veya doğru yapmaz. Üzülme yalnız değilsin 😉
+Queen of the Roses 💜
I was in love twice and twice they were scared .... So yeah , I know how painful it is .
Hola.soy de México y no entiendo lo que dicen pero me gusta lo lindo que se ven juntas.
She ain’t 50 she’s like 30 how can one look so young 😩
Stay out of the sun☀️, drink plenty of water💧and get 8 hrs of sleep 🛌🏽 every night (it is not possible to "catch up" on lost sleep). These 3 things are most important. Sun ages skin and being dehydrated dries out your skin 🏜 and dry skin ages faster. Lack of sleep causes stress 😖 and everyone knows stress causes aging. Also, exercise and mediation help with stress and sleep 🚴♀️🏋🏾♀️🧘🏽♀️
Other things that help are omega fats and just your diet in general. A good rule of thumb my grandma taught me, was to always "eat plenty of colors"🥜🍎🍞🍳🥦🥩🧀.
Don'ts are: Don't drink alcohol 🍺, smoke tobacco 🚬 or take drugs 💊 you don't absolutely need.
Anyway, just thought I could give a few tips because people have always complimented the women💃🏽 in my family for looking younger👶 then they are. ✌😊
It happened to me the first time,this exact reason is why we didnt work
good wish for my favorite lovely persons
I live in the same dilemma. I need your advice
Sadie is in PAIN
Sizi cok seviyorum umarim mutlu olursunuz 😊😊😊😊😊
There is nothing wrong with having separate beds. I and my partner and I do. Gives us our own space and less likely to murder each other he he he
Cara Loftus-Surguy I get what you mean but I also don’t really understand the point of being in a relationship and living together if you don’t sleep together. For me it’s a vital part of my relationship.
@@mylifepostpain3705 but is it worth going to get a bad night sleep. There are so many ways to express love and care. I would not share a bedroom with any one. But you would have relationships with who would share you bed. We are both are different but equally valid 😀
@@caraloftus-surguy6388 I feel the exact same way. But I can't deny there's a part of me that would love sleeping well when sleeping with someone :).
London Girl snugggs
Sizi seviyorummm...
Yes P. Do what ever you want and u will be single again and then can find new partner.
hi im from philippines. i just love ur channel.
im just wondering why sleep in separate rooms? 🤔😳
my attachment style is fearful avoidant. it’s really hard. One day, I’m craving emotional intimacy. Next moment, I’d be so disgusted with myself for allowing myself to get close. Then I would feel like I want to run and hide.
wait why do you sleep in different rooms ?
Sadie: and P: P may be passive-agressive without knowing. Do you know what passive agressive means? Search it, please.