Darkness: how ultrarunning can strip away our emotional barriers (1080HD)
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2013
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Deciding to run an ultra for the first time is understandable. It's a big challenge. While the personal reasons underlying the decision might not be readily apparent, even to the runner, it's really not that difficult to communicate the essence of the challenge: to prove, to ourselves or others, that we have the fortitude to push through the limitations we once imagined, defy the odds and endure hardship.
Once the challenge has been met, signing up a second time is a different matter entirely. The repeat offender likely has a pre-disposition to binging. Or addiction. While by no means an inviolate law, there's no question that a large number of our fellow ultra runners have felt the symptoms of withdrawal and agitation after a big event. I find it unlikely that 10 to 20 hours of hormones coursing through our body leaves us with only DOMS to show for our efforts.
I love the feeling of strength, independence and fluid freedom I get from trail running and ultras. Yet the more events I run the more I come to fear the comedown. Knowing the Black Dog is waiting at the front gate for you is intimidating. Other than drugs and surrounding ourselves with loving distractions, often the only thing that helps us cope is going out for another run. Mind boggling and incredibly frustrating for an injured runner.
I ran the Northburn100 a few months ago, a 100mile race in the mountains of New Zealand. It was tough. I crossed the finish line after 34hrs, physically fine but emotionally desolate. The RD calls it a "look of Anguish". I'd say Anguish is too energetic. Thinking back on Northburn, and other gruelling Ultras I've run, I've became increasingly aware that this post-event emotional roller coaster is just as much a part of running Ultras as are the training, camaraderie, palate fatigue and physical endurance. Even when we smash the goals we set for ourselves, the feeling can be bittersweet.
It's exhausting work exploring the depths of our darkest emotions. When they're freshest, thoughts smash around our skulls like possessed plant equipment. We feel like there's a broken record playing up there, our thoughts playing some sick game of psycho-somatic Hide and Seek with our clenched and twisted guts. Coming out of an Ultra, it's safe to say we're fatigued. The exhaustion lingering from the event washes away our self-defences and this conscious scraping-back of the Soul further erodes our reserves allowing unbidden thoughts and feelings to threaten the already threadbare fabric of our sanity.
But what becomes of us if we shy away from the introspection? Does denial simply buy us time while these emotions ferment in our subconscious? Or am I being melodramatic? Maybe spending a day or two ignoring these things is just what they need -- dismissal, pure and simple. Then again, perhaps the real benefit of endurance sport isn't physical, but spiritual; that enduring the ceremony and imbibing the potion of hormones our body releases puts us into a state so receptive to self exploration that it would be damn near sacrilegious to ignore it. There's certainly been no shortage of writers, poets, artists and musicians who've found the Black Dog to be their greatest muse.
There are even a handful of groups around the peripheries of more mainstream cultures that have taken this metaphor literally. The Marathon monks of Mount Hiei are known to seek enlightenment through extreme ascetism and physical endurance in running. In their quest for enlightenment they will run 40km a day for a 100days before requesting permission to continue their quest for another 900 days, the whole project taking them 7 years.
The Lung-Gom-Pa runners of Tibet likewise achieve enlightenment and a connection with god through running as a form of meditation. While the connection between physical and spiritual is here quite apparent, there are countless other cultures that extol the virtues of endurance, fortitude and a tolerance for both adversity and hardship. While these may seem physical in nature, they are most definitely spiritual.
While I'm far too familiar with the darker end of our emotional spectrum to suggest that the Dog might be Man's Best Friend, rather than being a downside -- something to fear and dread -- perhaps the come-down should be appreciated, if not welcomed. As Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet, The deeper that Sorrow carves into your being, the More Joy you can contain.
Music:
Patrick Watson - Lighthouse
Band of Horses - The Funeral
***
Footage was shot using a GoPro Hero3 Black Edition provided by www.highlytunedathletes.com
web: wildplans.com
flickr: flickr.com/wildplans
youtube: / wildplans - Sport
"the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain" FUCK
+BurnGiordano no kidding.. that line really, really hit me.
haha.. ya interesting when you find statements which can pull that off
Not true! The more sorrow that you get, simply the more sorrow! It is a false statement.
BurnGiordano that's a drop the mic kinda quote for sure
Has anybody tried to measure this? I think there's something here, I think it could be measured. I think it's important.
I always come back to this video before a race or after a long training run. This puts me in the right mindset for an ultra. Tomorrow is my first 50 mile race with around 8,000 feet of elevation gain.
Update I finished it with actually 10,000 feet. I was the youngest one by 8 years finished in 15 hours and 18 minutes
Wow!
I have never heard someone talk about ultra running quite like you did...the black dog...look of anguish. I knew exactly what you were talking about so much so that it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this. It has brought a little more poetry back into my running.
Depression is a bad thing, i have put together two folders of over 180 vid eos about depression looking at it from all angles, in the play list part of my channl. Hope they are useful to you and others ? There as a resource to get more understanding of what is a horrible condition
That was incredible. I haven't been ultrarunning for about four years, mostly because of the faddish, self-congratulatory crowd coming into ultrarunning lately, but this video really makes me want to get back into it. I think you really captured what ultrarunning means at its core. Thank you.
I know what you mean Brett - Australia is experiencing a massive Growth in the sport at the moment and there is the risk of that happening, but at it's core I feel we're all there for the right reasons. Thanks for watching.
This is the best running film I've ever seen. You have an incredible way of putting into words something that I previously thought could not be adequately described. Good job buddy.
Hi Everyone, thank you so much for all your comments! CZcams has recently changed the way comments are listed and categorised - I can respond to some and only "Thumbs Up" others. Apologies in advance If I don't reply to your comment, It's because I can't. Sorry!!!
You can reply to people's comments. Just go to this video, and read their comments about it every week. Sure, the email notifications are terrible on CZcams. But just go to the video directly.
Thanks very much Davystate - it's amazing how many Ultrarunners were previously addicted to one thing or another. Finding Ultra, by Rich Roll, is a good read.
For some of us, running may be the only time we are alone with our thoughts. The isolation, pain, hunger, fatigue is the only way we can strip down to our most primitive emotions and confront ourselves. The addiction may not have so much to do with running, but as a means of baring our soul and getting in touch with our deepest raw emotions.
This black dog of depression is a master to many in this community. I want to step away from endurance sports to show it that I'm its master. However I haven't found a better form of meditation. Maybe it's enough just to be aware of this tension; this source of compulsion. Maybe the pursuit of that state of spiritual connection is a valid and noble quest. I'm going to run/swim/bike and think about it. In other words, "I'll pray about it". Thanks @wildplans for the beautiful imagery and narration. What you've made is a catalyst for many a journey.
AJ Mesalic , hey bud , interesting enough I found sitting meditation first then trail running , you can have both , but buyer beware both are forms of attachment imo and at least for me . I wish you well brother
For someone who is only beginning to understand distance running , I find this video very inspirational. So far my longest run has been 32 miles, and have only tripped out my emotions a handful of times. Oddly enough my most emotional moment was getting lost on a lunch break run, and ran for ten miles pretty much fully dosed up on panic, tears and adrenaline. The dopamine kick when I made it back to work with 2 minutes to spare, was something to enjoy, though. Thank-you for this video. It is most inspiring and poetic :-)
32 is decent enough. Most people tip over emotions and pain during their first half marathon.
As someone who found ultra-running in my 30s I really appreciate this video! Sometimes I don't know if my running teaches me adversity or frees me from the adversity of the dominant culture.
Or maybe both man,I`ve never known a total release like I get from running 10k/HM/M/UM....its almost like a rebirth the further you go
I don't know why but ever since I heard about ultra marathons I have slowly built a powerful desire to complete one. I'm only 18 and am running my first marathon in just over a month, but crazily I see this as simply a necessary step to progress to ultra running. Call me naive but I somehow just know that I will complete an ultra. This video especially summarizes that pure emotional and spiritual state that I want to achieve and it really is fantastically made. I have the greatest respect for anyone who has ever run an ultra.
This resonated with me on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.
So insightful thank you brother !!! Keep showing up in every sense . We are all love
Beautiful. Thanks for this. 🙏🏻
The past few months have been my introduction phase to running. This video is inspiring and manages to expose aspects of running that most people wouldn't think of. Great.
This video is absolutely incredible. I love it. I could listen to it on repeat.
Im midway into the training for my first ultra and found this, this is really interesting and now I want to run one more than ever just to see what happens and where my mind takes me, thank you for this video.
I really enjoyed this. Thank you for taking the time and energy to bring this to life. Your thoughts are very well composed and the visuals are fantastic.
This is a beautiful piece of art.
Really emotional, a great job!! I really enjoy every minute of this video. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thanks Jonoian, glad you enjoyed it.
I agree with a previous comment - this video was a very nice surprise. Beautiful, lilting, haunting and poetic. I keep watching it and getting lost somewhere about half-way through. Wonderful piece of work!
Utterly beautiful - I was with you, in spirit x
That is absolutely beautiful. Thanks.
Superb, poetic and inspiring. No way I could put into words what you have. Thanks for sharing. I'll be watching this a number of times. Love the scenery, too - Simon.
Truly inspiring. I have my first ultra trail (50 miles) tomorrow. Wish me good luck :)
This was very motivational. Running to connect with one's inner self is truly rewarding.
All I can say to this is THANK YOU!!
thank you for this video! it is so true as I know I am an Ultra runner. You really hit it on the nose. Much love brother. Run Long Run Strong!
Such a beautiful video thanks for sharing
Quite a remarkable take on the mental behind Ultra running, it's like you stepped into my head and recited what was going on in their when i run, thanks for sharing and nice to know i'm not alone when it comes to this kind of thing
Great work guys! Beautiful piece on ultras and running in general. Highly recommended! :)
Beautiful man. Thank you.
Yes i totally relate, every step must be focused, the reward priceless ! Well Done !
Great video. I totally get what you shared with us. I love it all. The darkness and the light its good to feel. Thank You for sharing truly inspirational.
This is an amazing thing - thank you for sharing. I know the black dog very well and I love the relief I get from running, bare chested through misty bushland and wild places. Its beautiful !!!
Such a great video!
Great video and how true your words are
its very hard to explain your emotions when running but i think you have hit the nail on the head keep running and most of all enjoy every day …. Thanks again
An absolutely amazing video, just signed up fory first Ultra and all that you speak about rings true
Thanks for sharing
Your video describes vividly my thoughts as i change from a negative addict to a positive one ,training for my first ultra just now ,great video !
I don't think I have ever heard the feeling of running better put into words. It is something I have often examined during a good run. In fact, the spiritual uplifting that is felt is exactly what makes a "good run" good, and when it's good, it's impossible not to examine. Well done!
Thank you for sharing Teagen. Coming off the back of NF100AU this year - this has come at such an opportune time. Its raw, poetic and just well.. where I am. Thank you for making me feel not alone.
This is so raw and wonderful. It's poetic, horrifying, and true.
What a nice surprise! I was looking to have ultra races playing in the background as I worked and stumbled on this video. Great thoughts! I rarely find any words to make sense of why I run the way I do. Your words helped me on my road to understanding. Now to crack open my copy of The Prophet I haven't read... Onward!
That's awesome to hear Matt! It's certainly addictive. Great luck for your run!
This is a fantastic video mate, resonates
Great video and good writing! Thanks, for food for thought.
Another runner.
hahaha nicely put Tim - I took a punt throwing these things out into the ether - it's been comforting to hear so many people have had similar experiences! Just reinforces what an awesome community we're part of.
I can only have words of gratitude over this material, I often find myself searching this video over, just to make sure I have come across what can be considered a full understanding of your insight, very glad to help increase the views count!!! Best Regards from C.R. Central America, this is how far your video has reached, feel welcome to visit our country, there are many great places to stretch the legs.
Juan Carlos M.
great video, keep up the great work.
That hit hard thanks. This winter i could hardly run from plantar fasciitis!! This made total sense to me. Thanks
Totally agree. Coming out of an Ironman, I unconsciously signed up in another Ironman, Ironman 70.3, ITU-Maxi Triathlon, a marathon and an ultra-Marathon not knowing where the momentum was comming from. I just didn't know what was going up in my head until someone pointed out the whole filling the gap thing. This video just puts everything that was happening in my mind in weeks in no more than 6 minutes. Thanks +wildplans
Beautifully said.
What an amazing video. I recently ran my first ultra and the things you describe I experienced!
such a beautiful video
Every word magically put together and so unbelievably true..... Marathon no. 100 on pause for me due to injury and now covid19.... each word to true!
Incredible reflection on the nature of "the black dog". Love the music as well.
Amazing! Thank you for sharing.
I watched this for motivation.Thanks you. And yes, Its is mind boggling to now be able to run when injured.
Beautiful description!! '' Moving and inspiring '''
Great video, and I so so get this... Done lots of races and hopefully going to do my first Ultra soon. Understanding the low after a race is something I'm keen to explore.
Great to hear Nick - good luck!
Eloquent and inspiring.
cool video, inspirational and very well made. Love the self-shots with your camera on the grip.
Wow! Very emotional, and inspirational. I am a triathlete, and I too agree that endurance sports are more about the spiritual side of man, than the obvious physical form. After many miles of each sport the mind slips into a rhythmic ebb and flow with breath. It is in that quietness of mind and focus of breath that one begins to feel a deep connection to the world around them. Thanks for this video, and thanks for the inspiring words.
Beautiful my friend, and such a wonderful description of the intentional suffrage that comes from long periods of physical activities. Keep on going, I appreciate you taking the time to take me along with you.
very kind of you ***** - i'm happy you enjoyed the journey
Great inspiration!
Beautiful! 💮
Thank you for putting into words the thoughts and feelings that we all have deep down as ultra runners, it's comforting to know that we are all going through the same self doubt and apprehension. I still find it difficult to put into words why I run ... beautiful video and some great running ... this video reminds me of my favourite quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson ...
"What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
Manly Beach Running Club
Beautiful words 🙏
I saw this video 10 years ago yet I keep coming back to it
Great choice of music, and great video overall!
Thank you so much for this.
Awesome work bro! Great footage, great angles and good footwork dude! Nice races too...
Wow, Thank you for this. Truly a beautiful piece about the art of running. I will be coming back to watch this quite often.
My pleasure Jared VanderHook, glad you enjoyed it mate
Beautiful. Thank you.
Amazing video, bravo!
Thanks very much *mymadrugada* - glad you enjoyed it!
So completely honest and accurate. I imagine writing those words, expressing those thoughts, must have taken as much courage as an ultra. Thanks mate.
Appreciate your taking the time to write Philip May . Happy New Year!
Awesome video mate.
I really love this video. I started running to help me clear my depressed mind. It was unreal, for that short period of time I was smiling, laughing even and felt free. I now run 10k every morning and got my first 10k on Saturday. I'm still depressed but going to weekly meetings and aspire to run the London marathon next year and an ultra one day.
This video explains it perfectly. I've had every one of those thoughts that you spoke, and can completely identify with all of it. I'm currently training for my second event. I started with a 50k, now I'm training for a 50 mile race. I don't see it ever stopping until I can't do it anymore.
Thank you for sharing this intensely personal look into ultra, know that your words resonate and reach deeply into so many of us. - In the light of the run we can find reprieve from the darkness. We can discover the truth of self and our place in this world. So once again we open the door and charge headlong into the light, running far, running free!
Damn!!! Powerful, intense and deep. Love it! The video and your comments.
Brilliant - excellent narrative and beautiful images. Very inspiring.
Thanks Lars Andersson - how's the photography going mate?
i really feel what ur talking about ,thank you
I believe running to fulfill us on a primal level... Our bodies were built to move and our bodies may hurt but, are happier for the push. Call it an addiction. I don't know. Moving Meditation sounds right for me... Love this video. Thank you for making me feel like I belong to a community.
Wonderful. Very fine choice of words. Yes we do it because it helps.
Thank you Susanne Williams- and a happy new year to you
When you embrace the "down" as a part of being who you are, you learn to appreciate the understanding and satisfaction that it brings. Thank you for sharing this insight.
Thanks very much for writing Justin Scholz . I agree it's something that requires a particular perspective. Embracing it is a huge part of that, but I've also found that the situation is so emotionally charged that it in effect it's like a drug - it actively changes who we are. When we fall in love we experience a dopaminurgic effect similar to taking drugs. It literally changes us. But when we move through that stage into a longer-term relationship and that effect fades - or when the relationship ends - we return to normal and often wonder what just happened to us. I reckon Ultrarunning is so addictive because we can't hold on to that feeling. We need to repeat it to feel it again.
Thank you for articulating the very thoughts and essence that has been gestating in my soul but unable to express due to my limited imagination.
Awesome narrative ! I run sled dogs and know all to well the addiction aspect, and while I am humbled by the dogs athleticism I strive to run like a husky. I have been blessed to be the slowest in the pack to see such beauty and heart.
lovely video
Wonderful!
WOW so well put. Genius mind!
Thanks very much RunnyJafa - appreciate the feedback. it's always awesome to know there're others out there with the same disposition :)
Great video! Running an Ultra is a great way to get to know your true self.
Inspiring, insightful and encouraging.
Thanks for the comments Wendell Bo, stoked to see my video is still reaching out 6mths later!
One of the best descriptions of ultra running I've ever heard...
Thanks very much for watching Claire Dorotik
Beautiful writing.
I have never been able to put into words this.