In a "pick me" world, be a *girl's girl*
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
- It often seems like it's pick me women on one end and girl's girls on the other, and today I want to get into my perspective on women supporting women. I'll first go into weaponized incompetence, where it's critical to not only hold those upholding misogynistic ideals accountable, but if partners and husbands fall prey to weaponized incompetence, or are absent from a woman's life, it's that "village" of other women that can help her survive and thrive. I then get into Ariana Grande's alleged hunt for married men as a point of discussion to where it may be challenging for women to stand by other women. It's important for women to have standards and to take action in dismantling the misogynistic cycles (and pick me behaviors) that try to entrap women, rather than complain and complain, just to fall back into the same resentful relationships and patterns. Finally, I go into Cat Bohannon's research on how it was woman to woman interdependence that historically helped women survive the act of childbirth, thus causing gynecology to evolve into where it is today. This final talking point is the strongest reasoning on why being a girl's girl will almost always be the way to go, especially in the long run.
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Chapters
00:00 Intro
02:08 Weaponized incompetence (and why it takes a village)
08:00 Ariana Grande, pick me women, and where things get difficult
18:03 How the female body drove years of human evolution
Mentioned in this video:
/ why-weaponized-incompe... - Zábava
I cringe at my teenage years and being a pick me! After going to therapy to understand why I was thinking way, turns out I learned this from my mum, 2000s romcoms, and I had internalized mysogyny.
Now, I am more girly, feminine and enjoy being around my fellow ladies. I found that being a girls girl is far more beautiful, fun and peaceful compared to being a misersble pick me who never got picked.
I learned that by putting my fellow ladies down, I was also devaluing myself too. Once I learned to undo all the internal mysogyny and learned to love myself, I learned to also value and love my fellow ladies! I also decentered men. I stopped pandering to their double standards and bullshit.
I am now a proud girls girl!! ❤❤❤
I was a massive tomboy from ages 10-14 now im nearly 19 ive taught myself feminine habbits and love being a girly girl. I relate alot to this tbh
@@lilianna.w you can be a tomboy and be a girl's girl. you can be feminine and be a pick me. tomboy and feminine are the ways we choose to express our gender in a performative, largely appearance based way, what really matters here (imo) is our values and loyalty, respect, and solidarity with other women, calling out misogyny, and showing understanding toward, but not fearing to call out, women who ARE doing those nasty things for male validation. for me, ironically, the most pick me years of my life were the ones where I was performing hyper femininity, because it was genuinely for male attention where i was constantly "competing" for male attention.
also ironically, now that I don't really do femininity very much, men ALSO seem to sometimes think it's for them. they get really frazzled when they realize I'm a hardcore feminist lol
yikes
Both girly women and tomboy women can be a 'girl's girl'. I'm a tomboy and a girl's girl. All my friendship circles have been female-only and I have never been interested in having male friends
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Btw that speech guy’s mom is a physicist the irony
he is probably blaming her for everything in his life instead of his father.
telling a man what he was supposed to do is unpaid work
I remember one Mother's Day, I asked what the plan was. No one knew. We had all the ingredients, so I just started prepping and cooking everything since my other brother was coming over with his wife and children. I asked my single brother for help but he wanted to play on his phone. I ended up getting criticized by my mom for doing it wrong. Then, my mom turned to me at dinner and asked me to wash and cut the strawberries she had for dessert. I asked my other brother to do it and my mom immediately threw a fit that she would just do it if I wouldn't. My sister-in-law volunteered. I told her that the point was that my brother did not do anything and it was sexist to just expect me to do everything (roast lamb, roasted potatoes, asparagus). I was around 30 and my single brother is 4 years OLDER.
I had a friend who would volunteer for everything and then complain about all the things she was doing.
my mom tbh. I mean it's one thing to do things that need to get done and feel unappreciated, but she would do things we actively asked her NOT to do (I offered multiple times to do chores, do my own laundry etc. etc.) and then complain about how much she did.
It’s covert narcissism.
The best friend relationship is amazing, shout out to Felicia my bestie since I was 13 years old (I'm 54 and she's 56 now) LOVE her! We've crossed from best friends to family decades ago.
This is so sweet I'm happy for you girlie's ❤❤❤❤
6:43, it "takes a village (of other women) to raise a child"
It does take of village of women to raise a child. True.
I saw a video recently where the woman said, "I don't believe in 'women supporting women'. I believe in 'women PROTECTING women,' and sometimes that means protecting them from OTHER WOMEN!" I feel like this is so much more accurate because women are, unfortunately, pillars holding up the patriarchy. We see this in how many women either straight up agree or, at least, don't find anything wrong with the graduation speech.
this channel is my happy place
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I have a handful of best friends. Many times woman friendships can be beautiful when you find and keep yours soul sisters. But many friendships with woman can be harmful and hurtful. I am thankful for the handful of close,deep and supportive friends I have. But most of these relationships are 1% of the 99% of woman I come into contact with. Like you said when you get a female friendship that’s fruitful that is one of life’s beautiful gifts.
16:03 I absolutely loathe women who do that, trying to destroy other women’s relationships just so they can steal their men!😡 I had a very close friend do that to me, but I at first thought I was reading too much into it. But then, just this last weekend, my man told me that she’d said to him earlier that day behind my back that she could never date an extroverted person like me & didn’t know how he could date me. (Side note, we’re not “dating,”🙄 we’re actually engaged.)
I’m so keen for this! Saved for my walk tomorrow morning ❤ I’m
Forcing myself to sleep because it’s 1am and I’m trying to be a morning person 😂
Yes being a girls girl is definitely worth it! 🙌🏽 I been friends with mine since I was 12. She’s my friend and I call her for anything. I’m currently 35 now.
ty for the wednesday content mother
Girls, our relationships with our mothers, aunts, grandma's and best friends are much more fulfilling than anything else 💗 let's not take those for granted
SO INSIGHTFUL!! Love your thoughts!
Excellent video, as always! Thanks for all your hard work!
Thank YOU as always for your support! ❤️🩷❤️
@@bfbmain Of course! 💚 your channel 🙂!
Yes, let's go ❤
Ethan is so gr0ss
I am from a majorly Catholic country, and think it's baffling they're using Catholicism to justify this man's horrible speech because one of our best private colleges is Catholic and this would NEVER pass. They think every woman should submit EXCEPT the ones(Tbh they'd never call a football player to speak in an academic event either.)
Being a girls’ girl is 1,000% always worth it!!!💜
Looks like our TikTok algo is the same 😅
Catholic Church never forces women to get married. This football guy it’s confused. He is no one to tell people what the will of God is for each person. So from a religious view point he isn’t accurate
As a trad Catholic, I agree. I had been saying this and other Catholics are saying I am taking his speech out of context, like WHAT? Out of context? They are short-sighted and cannot read between the lines... what exactly is it that women are "Diabolically being lied to" exactly, he didnt attach any endearing compliments to the women who will choose a career, but he will venture and assume most will prefer to be submissive to her husband? Hes practically implying that women were lied to diabolically to choose a career over family. There was an absolute lack of nuances. There had been many accounts of female saints who adopted the poor and sick as their children to care for. If one is truly a Catholic, then they'd say the world is God's household, everyone is His children so He will call on everyone to be fathers and mothers, even non-traditional sense, to look over His children and there are soo many. So if all the women get married and serve only her family, who will be left to care for the helpless with no next of kin. Women are highly more likely to v😅olunteer than men. Also, I hope those women who agreed with Butker, will hereon out, no longer choose female professionals in anything, I hope to see them ask only for the male doctors, male psychologist, male teachers for their children, male nurses, male cops, male EVERYTHING.
i've seen more women accusing other women of being pick me than women actually being pick mes
I mean I think the most feminist thing we can do is acknowledge that yes we're women, but we're also all individual, and that means our personal values might not align. and that's ok, we just need to be respectful and understanding of one another if we're going to have conversations about it.
The Chimp analogy is fun however insightful.
One can argue that the best support, understanding and solidarity would come from a group of the same gender as they are built the same way and seemingly go through the same plights, but the shift always happens at value proposition... When society places more value on male validation as against self-establishment for women, we can understand the decline in 'women supporting women' idea.
I'm so glad you're talking about this! I thought I'm the crazy one seeing women complain in internet and in real life and when you tell them "hey this relationship is not good for you maybe you should leave" they double down and they may even accuse you of trying to "ruin my marriage" 🙄
anyways ;love all your content Yusrah you and I would be best friend in real life I also come from an ethnic family so that may be why I relate to you so much 🫶🫶🩷
It comes to a point with these chronic complainers that you have to remind them the 2 options they have with you: either do something about it or accept their partners and ✨stop complaining to you✨
It's honestly EXHAUSTING
That’s not how isolation and abuse works but yeah that helps to just call people having an abusive relationship complainers since they don’t leave despite the science behind leaving abusive or controlling environments
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Hi Yusra 👋🏽 Do you think marriages will last in today’s generation?
There's so much I could say here! I might go into this in detail in a future video, but I think the success of a marriage will eventually come down to the spouse you select; take your time, due your due diligence, know exactly what you want/need, and then pray for good luck, coz there are still no guarantees!
The kicker's commencement speech was infuriating; but he is a conservative catholic giving a speech at the graduation of a conservative catholic school. I don't like it, but it was for the right school and audience. Not for the rest of us.
Apparently it wasn’t alright to say that when all of the nuns at the school publicly disapproved of him saying that the most important vocation a woman can take is a wife, mother, and homemaker. Or that his wife’s life didn’t begin until she married him and had his kids. This idea isn’t even biblical. It’s some 14th century realm of domesticity type stuff.
@c.v.3025 I agree with you. What i was saying is because I grew up catholic I no longer belong to the catholic church because it's so archaic and they drill it into your head that you are a domestic baby maker and you have to be submissive to your partner no matter how terrible he is to you. When I needed to get divorced from a monster the church did its best to make me stay. I have no respect for this institution.
Girl, even the Catholics know a woman's life doesn't start when she has kids.
No one would go to a corporate event and tell men that their lives would never start until they had a family. This could be true for some of them, but en education/work event is not the time to preach about gender roles.
Right
Just Read the Rational Male Series By Rollo tomassi and Literature by Rian stone.
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This man is hideous
Girls who have a sister tend to have better mental health!
The victim-blaming tangent is not it 😐 It’s one thing to vent your frustrations to your close friends but it’s another to gain courage to leave a bad relationship and I was disappointed by your take 😐
I am in no way victim blaming; let me explain further: I don't know if you've seen the show Maid but it details the journey women have to undertake in order to get out of abusive relationships. There are people, resources, systems shown in the show that are available to the abused women to leave their relationships, however more often than not, these women will go back to their abusers, which often leaves the people around them extremely frustrated. Progress is never linear, and in these situations empathy is extremely key, because there are many psychological elements that go into such behaviors where the abuser and the abused often come back together. It is actually to be expected.
The person I am referring to in the video is in stark contrast to what I just mentioned, and I certainly don't believe that Carrie Bradshaw/SATC was a victim. If this person reached out to me today for support, I would absolutely be there for her, as would everyone else around her, but as I said in the video, it's critical for women to also have standards and not create "situationships" for themselves. I believe it to be very challenging to support the notion that a couple that is unhappy would keep having children, for example. My main point is that while it's difficult to be a "girl's girl" in such a situation, one has to find the balance on providing support/compassion vs. realizing that perhaps this person is not yet ready for the help that's being offered to them.
@@bfbmainI would have to agree with this persons comment this video was a very victim blaming take. Of course it is frustrating when women keep going back to men they speak negatively of. However, I think instead of fixating on what women should be doing and aren’t doing when they are being mistreated repeatedly by their partner, we should focus on why women collectively end up in those situations. Why men are treating women these ways. Let’s hold the perpetrators accountable instead of telling the victims how they should be responding. I also think shaming pick me girls is also shaming women for how they’re socialized and how they adapted to survive in a male dominated world. Again it’s better to focus on critiquing the perpetrators whether that be the systems or the oppressors ect. There are so many layers to why women stay in a harmful environment or with a harmful partner.
@@sophieramatiMen treat women this way because they are men. Avoid men or treat them like toys.
Women are absolutely capable of critical thinking and making decisions that are good for them. Yes their are other factors to consider but women need to take some accountability for failing themselves at times. It's not victim. Blaming to expect adults to make better decisions and not completely be resigned and complacent to their own suffering while expecting others to make all the sacrifices to put up with them and help them. It's unfair to expect every other women to help them out if their situation and support them when they are making these women's and their own life's harder. Women need to stop acting like they are helpless children. It's ridiculous. People need to stop acting like expecting women to put effort into things instead of relying on other people's patience and support is victim blaming. I have aunt's and cousins in these situations. There is so much I can say about it.
This is not victim blaming. It is exhausting to be a friend for a woman who hates herself. We have our own mental health to care for. We can only take so much.
Brown girl here. You need to blend your blusher more. It helps to help me focus on what you're saying vs your makeup. But thanks for the vid. Keep shining. Thank you.
You need to mind your own business and stop policing how other women should look. Also she looks beautiful, you not being able to focus on her words is a YOU problem.
That's just her style of make-up. I personally love it 😊
Wait, so you couldn't just skip her video instead of asking her to CHANGE her style so YOU can feel comfortable? The entitlement..the gall! Must be nice 👏😐
Orrrrr maybe, just maybe, listen to this like a podcast. I do that all the time.
No she looks beautiful!