What a difficult situation. I feel so bad for the young people and families that are on this road. I think transition should be undertaken by adults only. I just got hired as a high school science teacher! My first job of this kind. I have been at the college-level for a while. I am nervous about what to expect regarding trans issues. Your videos are so helpful.
Thanks Jen. I'm sure that feels very complicated. If ever you can make it to one of the in-person conferences you should try to come! I just got back from the Denver Genspect conference. There were many trans people there who also face similar issues and I'm sure the experience would have been so helpful. I know nobody likes to be tokenized, over-simplified, or pandered to. Just try to be honest and you may be well-positioned to inject some nuance and reflection without having to diminish your own dignity or role. Good luck!
@@SashaLPC Thank you for writing :) Yes, I wish I could have gone to Denver! I live in the northeastern US, and the cost would have been prohibitive. I hope videos are available or will be available. Yes, I would like to get a copy or two of your book for myself and my office at the high school. I don't know if there are any other trans people on the faculty there, but I'm sure it will come up with students or parents at some point- if not right away. I definitely think your tips and the book will be helpful if a student or parent comes to me expressing thoughts about transition, or about their child who is going through it. I'm almost positive it will happen. I start there mid-January, and I'm mentally preparing for that to come up right away. If parents come to me for advice, I will point them in your direction. Thank you for all you do! :) I will make it to a workshop or conference someday :)
Excellent question and excellent response Sasha! Though my opinion is uninvited, I hope it is welcomed none the less.....I would love to add to this response if appropriate....Perhaps it could be helpful to share/verbalize the fact that you have dilemma about communicating. By doing that, you are bringing them into the awareness and responsibility of how their actions, their feelings, their choices impact those whom they love and those who love them. They can be part of the decision to then proceed or not with a conversation about the specifics. They can hear it, understand your love, your attempt to be mindful of balance, and they can invest in the communication or they can decide to avoid it. Also, this allows you to dip your toe in the water to test the temperature and to protect yourself and to detach from outcomes. If they are receiving, and are an open audience, then you will benefit together from direct and mature dialogue. If they retreat and avoid, then you have assessed that there is a block to the conversation that needs to be considering when strategizing timing. I hope that makes sense, I hope that helps in some way. Sasha, please feel to delete if you find this counter productive to your message. I believe it serves as a good adjunct to what you said though.
When absolutely every other influence in the child's existence is literally 'affirming' and the parents of the child's friend group are actually medically 'transitioning' their kids, no amount of 'loving' them will prevent them from the pursuit of their immediate desires, especially when they are autistic. in adolescence 'friends' are far more important than family and there are endless hoards of 'glitter' families more than willing to 'become' your child's 'chosen family'. Yes, there is parental paralysis over 'gender', precisely because in this environment nothing we do or say is ever the right thing and never enough. If parents speak out publicly they risk losing far more than their child. If parents don't speak out, they lose their child but possibly keep their job, friends and a roof over their head. 'Gender' is a debacle the likes of which the world has never experienced.
Thanks for this great video, Sasha. Our daughter socially transitioned (ftm) 3 years ago. Over the past 3 years, our relationship has suffered and there's been a communication breakdown; mainly because we avoid the preferred name and pronouns at home. Her mental health has also declined drastically and, recently, a therapist suggested that it's because we aren't affirming at home and to consider using the preferred name and pronouns. How do parents respond to this? It feels like it's placing our love for her solely on the gender piece and she's so much more than that.
Hi Tanya, I would take serious issue with that comment from her therapist. I agree with you that every aspect of distress is being channeled into gender. Gender pronouns/names become a litmus test and a distraction from the real issues. Can you speak privately with the therapist? If they don't have a long-standing relationship and/or you fear the therapist is putting a bigger wedge between you and your child, it might be time to consider whether therapy is helping or hurting.
What a difficult situation. I feel so bad for the young people and families that are on this road. I think transition should be undertaken by adults only. I just got hired as a high school science teacher! My first job of this kind. I have been at the college-level for a while. I am nervous about what to expect regarding trans issues. Your videos are so helpful.
Thanks Jen. I'm sure that feels very complicated. If ever you can make it to one of the in-person conferences you should try to come! I just got back from the Denver Genspect conference. There were many trans people there who also face similar issues and I'm sure the experience would have been so helpful. I know nobody likes to be tokenized, over-simplified, or pandered to. Just try to be honest and you may be well-positioned to inject some nuance and reflection without having to diminish your own dignity or role. Good luck!
@@SashaLPC Thank you for writing :) Yes, I wish I could have gone to Denver! I live in the northeastern US, and the cost would have been prohibitive. I hope videos are available or will be available. Yes, I would like to get a copy or two of your book for myself and my office at the high school. I don't know if there are any other trans people on the faculty there, but I'm sure it will come up with students or parents at some point- if not right away. I definitely think your tips and the book will be helpful if a student or parent comes to me expressing thoughts about transition, or about their child who is going through it. I'm almost positive it will happen. I start there mid-January, and I'm mentally preparing for that to come up right away. If parents come to me for advice, I will point them in your direction. Thank you for all you do! :) I will make it to a workshop or conference someday :)
Excellent question and excellent response Sasha! Though my opinion is uninvited, I hope it is welcomed none the less.....I would love to add to this response if appropriate....Perhaps it could be helpful to share/verbalize the fact that you have dilemma about communicating. By doing that, you are bringing them into the awareness and responsibility of how their actions, their feelings, their choices impact those whom they love and those who love them. They can be part of the decision to then proceed or not with a conversation about the specifics. They can hear it, understand your love, your attempt to be mindful of balance, and they can invest in the communication or they can decide to avoid it. Also, this allows you to dip your toe in the water to test the temperature and to protect yourself and to detach from outcomes. If they are receiving, and are an open audience, then you will benefit together from direct and mature dialogue. If they retreat and avoid, then you have assessed that there is a block to the conversation that needs to be considering when strategizing timing. I hope that makes sense, I hope that helps in some way. Sasha, please feel to delete if you find this counter productive to your message. I believe it serves as a good adjunct to what you said though.
great ideas here! Thanks
I pray for today’s parents. Omg
When absolutely every other influence in the child's existence is literally 'affirming' and the parents of the child's friend group are actually medically 'transitioning' their kids, no amount of 'loving' them will prevent them from the pursuit of their immediate desires, especially when they are autistic.
in adolescence 'friends' are far more important than family and there are endless hoards of 'glitter' families more than willing to 'become' your child's 'chosen family'. Yes, there is parental paralysis over 'gender', precisely because in this environment nothing we do or say is ever the right thing and never enough. If parents speak out publicly they risk losing far more than their child. If parents don't speak out, they lose their child but possibly keep their job, friends and a roof over their head. 'Gender' is a debacle the likes of which the world has never experienced.
Thanks for this great video, Sasha. Our daughter socially transitioned (ftm) 3 years ago. Over the past 3 years, our relationship has suffered and there's been a communication breakdown; mainly because we avoid the preferred name and pronouns at home. Her mental health has also declined drastically and, recently, a therapist suggested that it's because we aren't affirming at home and to consider using the preferred name and pronouns. How do parents respond to this? It feels like it's placing our love for her solely on the gender piece and she's so much more than that.
Hi Tanya, I would take serious issue with that comment from her therapist. I agree with you that every aspect of distress is being channeled into gender. Gender pronouns/names become a litmus test and a distraction from the real issues. Can you speak privately with the therapist? If they don't have a long-standing relationship and/or you fear the therapist is putting a bigger wedge between you and your child, it might be time to consider whether therapy is helping or hurting.
Thanks so much for this reassurance and guidance. ♥@@SashaLPC