I am no contact with my parents for 6 years now. They are both narcissistic. I was a victim of domestic violence and they sided with my abuser. In fact, they had a relationship with him behind my back. I should have gone no contact with them much earlier and if I had had a list like this, I might have. They were pathologically envious of me when my career started taking off. They ignored my success, but harped on my flaws real and imagined, and liked to drudge them up in front of outsiders. I have come to peace with having no contact. It's the holidays. When I see all the happy family commercials I say to myself, "Some people have normal families; some people have narcissist families. It's the luck of the draw and it's not my fault." It helps me accept what I can't change and not feel sorry for myself for what I don't have. In the long run, when I stopped hoping for love and acceptance out of my parents, I realized it was all around me from people I had over looked. Your channel has some great information, much of which resonates with me. Thank you for putting these out.
I agree, he has great information with supportive, encouraging topics! I hear you, though, about parents that cannot see the successes, harp on the flaws (some of which THEY INSTALLED) and the drudging up of old, stuff. It gets soooo old, so old. I'm 61, an only child, with 2 aging narcissistic parents and I feel you when you say things about the happy family commercials. It's like that for me and social media because of my many, many Italian American cousins putting stuff all over facebook about missing their moms etcetcetc. I'm just like *SHRUG* ...thank you for your comment.
Just had the very _B E S T_ Christmas ever in my whole life...serenely alone, and with no contact from any of my family - it was wonderful and I still can't wipe the smile off my face! 💙💚💛💜 It's been a very painful process and I have searched my soul deeply over the many decades, and to hear these words of encouragement and affirmation from a man who's been there is such a blessing. Thank You.
I have broken contact with my parents a year ago. My experience so far is that while I don´t miss them at all; I do feel that something is still not quite right inside me. A healthy bond with your parents is very important but I never had this nor can they ever provide this for me. I"m better off without them but I need to create something that allows me to feel whole, a substitute for the bond that was never there sort to speak…. its difficult...
I feel you!! I'm in a similar position now. I recognize that I never got that internal infrastructure that solid parenting provides so am working to put structures in place that come close to providing that role. Out lives will never be the same to those magical people who have legit parents, but we can do our best :)
This list is good because a lot of victims will feel guilty for leaving if they can’t put their finger on what it is that‘s driving them away, as if there’s some sort of criminal standard that needs to be met to justify it. You are right tho- the point is how they make you feel, and indeed there are many ways they can evade the moral condemnation of society while committing no end of cruel transgressions against you.
That's right---there's sometimes "guilt" for putting themselves "first"; and this can feel odd and "wrong" initially because they're so accustomed to NOT putting themselves first.
The mother who raised me, and who she is now are 2 completely different people. Over the past several years, she became religiously abusive. We’re also from an enmeshed family. She suffers greatly from CPTSD from her own abusive childhood. She started becoming conditional with me. Holding support and care over my head if I didn’t adhere to her values and beliefs. Started criticizing my every move and thought, then correcting and putting me down. After my step dad’s heart surgery, I showed up in every way, rides, doctors appointments, shopping, etc. all while working full time. A few weeks after, my landlord had my place painted and I needed to be out for 2 days while it dried. She wouldn’t let me stay with them under the impression that I’m too unholy and will stumble their walk with God. I cut all contact after that. Hurts a lot because the woman who raised me would’ve never done that and I miss her so much 😢
Thank you, this was validating as I enter my first year of NC. It was the ongoing verbal abuse and manipulation in my adulthood that really was the last straw.
Growing up I felt like I couldn't win with my mother. After I moved out for a time, I felt like our relationship was getting better. But I noticed she always wanted to stick her nose in. She wanted me to move in with a friend instead of me living alone which is what I wanted. She wanted me to grow my hair long when I wanted it short. She wanted to pick my drs when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. And the interference's grew more frequent and she would get more verbally hostile the more I refused to do what we want. I'm a point where her calling me gives me anxiety. So I have gone no contact. I've threatened it so many times and walked it back. yesterday, I stopped threatening and just blocked her. I'm so scared, tired, angry, hurt and just done.
You will never hear the end of everything you did "wrong" for the last 50+ years of your life. Mine is still complaining about having to handwash my diapers because we didn't have a washing machine for 6 months. Of course it's my fault for needing to poop.
Needed this. I keep considering going back, despite them selling the few things I had, not getting to know me, taking away my bed, and letting the floor mattress I used stay uncleaned so I got lice from my half brother three times. It's hard to remember how I felt back then, and it's hard to reassure myself that it's okay to not be around people that made me miserable.
Best video ever!!!!!!As soon as a victim takes steps towards growth.......here comes the Narc to sap that energy away....and it's right Got Damn back to square one! It's like Mario getting hit by a koopa, and getting shrunk back down to mini size....EVERY TIME!!!!
Yes. Mines old and she broke her hip it softened her and we stated talking, texting. But she’s just all about her, with an angry edge that she’s still angry. Then she keeps doing mean things to prove she’s better. Still brags controls my dad. She’s Back! 😞
I’m 37 and when I was 2 or three well in the bathroom my mother and father held me down which they claim is joking with me holding a sharp object claiming they will cut me. Of course I am a frightened toddler and I try to get out and they accidentally cut me and pierced the skin and blamed me. My father also used to flick spit at me and would beat me when I got upset. Also throughout my life they always upset I shut myself in my room and did not want to have anything to do with them. I was 28 in 2013 and decided to completely cut off all contact with my parents. Someone pointed out my mother made a post saying there’s two sides to every story 😐
The only "side of the story" that matters is *yours* --- as your the one who had to live through this nasty trauma. How sad that you had to experience all this and so glad to hear you've removed yourself from this toxicity.......keep up the good work!
I’ve had to go no contact recently, with my mother, step dad and step brother. I was already alienated from my father at age 8… so that means I have no family now at all… however, my mum has expressed that they don’t care about not having a relationship with me, but they deserve to see my children … this part I’m struggling with. I’ve been told my mum is a narcissistic mother by a few different psychologists. I’ve offered to go to family counselling with my mum to try and mediate our issues, she refuses to go as she says she will be “fed to the wolves” and said she would only come if she could bring my step dad, step brother , and step brothers girlfriend ( who I’ve met perhaps 4 times) to go against me… which to me is outrageous… however I am concerned she may take me to court for grandparents rights. I feel like they will never leave me in peace … and they know the best way to hurt me know, is through my kids. And it’s terrifying.
i feel like im 5 when talking to parents cause im treated like im 5 😂 controlling check. its extremely rare i talk to my family and dont come away feeling worse. and i draw the line and they just walk all over it.
I wrote that before I heard what you had to say. You have very good ideas. I agree with you. I must be one of those that needed to walk away. Thanks for the confirmation!
I don't think there is anything as healthy narcissism. I feel it's self respect we have to do things for our selves dignity and show little bit kindness and compassion to our selves. I heard this quote its helping me it's meaning was (self-love is respect for self and others and narcissism is respect for self and degradation/disrespect for others) it's like the main difference I don't remember the quote but it meant this. And for CODEPENDENCY I heard (Don't make other's problems your emergency... Because they don't give a fuck about you anyway). It makes so much sense they're no we're to be found when we are suffering.
Brad, I don’t know if you want to talk about this or not, but did you ever go no contact with your mom bc of the covert incest? I went to little or no contact with my mom while I was going through healing (still am), but circumstances changed a bit and there seems to be a respect of my boundaries now. I started connecting with my mom here and there, but it still hurts on some level still. I can sort of feel the inappropriateness sometimes when I visit her. I think it’s probably due to the emotional stuff that hasn’t been dealt with. I hope that I can get to a place where speaking to her or visiting doesn’t bother me so much. It sucks...what can I say. Thanks again for another great video brother!
Sometimes it does indeed feel like "in between a rock and a hard place".....everybody has to decide in their own way, and hopefully after they've processed most of it through with a therapist. I didn't fully lose contact---but it definitely had something to do with why I moved from the midwest to California.
Brad Shore, LMFT [Ask A Shrink!] I know that I still have some anger towards her that I need to deal with. It’s amazing that you try your best to just forgive and move forward but some of the emotional stuff and bitterness is still there. I think one thing that bothers me though is the way she treats my dad to this day. She has like no respect for him and treats him like a doormat and I saw that growing up on top of me being used as her emotional lover. So...yea I guess I still have some resentment about some of this stuff. Working through it though. Thanks again Brad!
@@adamrocks19 Why force yourself to forgive her? And she's treating your dad like shit and you want to try and overlook that? Nah. Forgiveness is for yourself, not her. Forgiveness doesn't have to do with forgiving her lol. You can be angry at what she did, you just have to learn how to deal with it in the real world. Your mom used you for her own selfish needs and for her own interests. Of course you can be angry. It's just that letting the anger harbor your relationships and you being angry at the world is one thing.
The problem with going No Contact is that then you deal with enablers who try to drag you back into the abusive relationship. There should be more “concrete” consequences against narcissists and enablers. We should have more rights. If we want to live peacefully, and make the effort to walk away from toxicity, the same problems should not keep finding their way back to us. They should teach youngsters the art of survival and independence from an early age. We should know how to walk away from toxic people without fearing consequences.
My parents shit on my dreams. To me people that do that aren't parents. I have a relationship because theres a ton of pain on both sides and its not fair.
I went no contact with the woman I got half of my DNA from. Lots of therapy finally got me there. I felt good watching your video. It confirms it all. No addiction from her part but all the other points are just her.
From the eyes of the 38 year inner child aspect, Parental tones dynamic with a brother 17 years older, sister 20 years older, mother still living 40 years older. Brother is married with grown up kids, I kept the connection for the kids I don't mind his wife. Sister triangulates between brother mother sister, parentified elements in the family of origin. 38 youngest is getting married and is in two minds not to invite her whole family or to invite them all even though brother requires immediate cut off and hasn't been spoken to for 2 months since emotional abuse and threat of violence (infantilizes). 78 year old mother will need physical help to come but is defending the abuser and not taking any position which is causing contempt on 38 year old part. Feelings of double binds. 38 year old has 18 year old son and 8 month old son (both distanced where possible). The sister was a social worker, brother domestic I a child and adolescent psychiatric unit. Everyone is old enough to know better. Any offerings of professional video creator opinion?
Well. In some areas my family made me feel like a nobody when it comes to certain things or people. All my life I fell in love with guys who were famous & lived far away from me. My family says these negative words "Girl you'll never meet them." That hurt my feelings & ticked me off at the same time. They made me feel like someone who is beneath those kind of people. When my family hurt me real bad about these guys I gave my folks silent treatment for a week, but I'm not so sure if they had learned from it or not. Only time will tell that. I guess. I no longer talk to them about my heart throbs that much now. I'm now doing what I should have done. Keeping them in the dark. In 2017 a very charming Italian & Welsh dream mate named Matthew started coming to me in dreams & something in the matter sacredly forbidded me not to discuss him with my family, which I believe was a very good advice.
It's the fact that around the 20+ yr mark of marriage my parents began to drift apart, my mother not listening to what my father would say, always belittling him and tearing him down. She began treating me as a surrogate spouse which was and still is a living nightmare. Dealing with someone who runs over you verbally, is a busybody, though she'll never admit it, refuses to make a life for themselves after my fathers passing and needs constant companionship literally drives me insane. I crave being alone due to this and function better when her presence is not around.
Do it! If you rely on your parents for child care STOP NOW. I’m a widow and my parents are going after my kids in family court. NARCISSISTS WILL FIND A WAY! I wish I knew to bite the bullet then. I’m paying for it dearly now.
People are living way longer than ever in history. Until about 100 years ago, most of us would lose our parents at a fairly young age. There's a good chance you'd find mothers-daughters living in the same senior living community. This could be why we are struggling so much with these adult child-parent relationships. Historically, we'd be "orphans" by the time we are 30 years old. Many old folks are actually outliving their children as the world is much more toxic than it was in the 20th century. Just look at childhood allergies and obesity to see why kids today have shorter life expectancy. I'm guessing that families have always been abusive and toxic on some level. It's just that we knew it wasn't for our whole lives. We don't know that for sure anymore, and our parent-abusers may very well outlive us.
I want to cut contact with my dad, but I’m afraid of how that will affect my relationship with my mom, I’m also not old enough to move out. I’ve considered running away, I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess I just want to word my thoughts out
What do you do if you're in a situation where you still live at home because of the insane housing market the way it is, and you're not in a great position to get your own place (even though you make decent money and have no debt)? I do wanna get away from my parents right now but I'm kinda stuck here.
I've managed to come to grips with taking responsibility for my own downfall in life.... UNTIL I VISIT ONE OF MY PARENTS! ... They can't learn or change or grow in any way ... The pain they would endure to learn something new... the implication that they didn't already know it would be devastating to their demonic 'child-mind'. They make me feel sick about humanity. There's a part of me DYING to communicate in a calm, adult way how much they disappoint me... But it would mean nothing as I am the little and they are the BIG... "Oh cute, look, it thinks it has ideas." ... I know for a fact I should not have reacquainted myself with them after all these years... and should probably find a way to remove myself from this part of the world.
I can't believe I'm hearing this bs...we are humans.. are they suppose to be perfect?.. this will change all relationships because if i knew my mate would've want to see his parents and siblings..it wouldn't work with me..Family is important!!!! So Brad...you didn't work things out with yours??
I just realized Loki from Thor 1 was some sort of narcissist. Later they copied Zuko from Avatar story arc to redeem him. Jeez can't anyone do something new.
I never tolerated my father. He was totally wrong for me! He's the reason why I avoid other males at all costs and keeping excessive distance from other males too. I perceive ALL males as mean, despicable bullies and monsters.
I was 4 years old the first time I thought about NC. I knew that I would go to university and I started counting down, 14:4, continued until it was 0:18. I knew then that I could never introduce my parents to a future spouse. All of the points you mention here happened to me. When I was 24, I implemented a "1 Ocean" policy where I had to be 1 ocean away from them so that they wouldn't attempt something. Mom still flew to Japan and caused trouble. I was relieved when they died. This is a good video, glad someone is publishing this kind of content. I don't miss them whatsoever.
If you have a psychologically abusive parent that causes you to have PTSD, you need to run not walk away.
It's not that simple.
@@GoodPennyYHWHsavesyeah it is.
@@flemutter7211 it isn't. Financial reasons is one of them
You can't change what you will not acknowledge,Toxic parents rarely change....
Sometimes the truth just simply hurts......and that can be a good thing.
@@BradShore yes you're so rigjt..✌
@Krishna Patel I hear you,it's hard to get rid of them but you can distance yourself...
@Krishna Patel Sorry,you're mother isn't responding, journal your feelings and talk to a trusted friend,and 🙏.Sending you positivity...
God heals the brokenhearted and bandaged thier wounds...❤❤
I am no contact with my parents for 6 years now. They are both narcissistic. I was a victim of domestic violence and they sided with my abuser. In fact, they had a relationship with him behind my back. I should have gone no contact with them much earlier and if I had had a list like this, I might have. They were pathologically envious of me when my career started taking off. They ignored my success, but harped on my flaws real and imagined, and liked to drudge them up in front of outsiders. I have come to peace with having no contact. It's the holidays. When I see all the happy family commercials I say to myself, "Some people have normal families; some people have narcissist families. It's the luck of the draw and it's not my fault." It helps me accept what I can't change and not feel sorry for myself for what I don't have. In the long run, when I stopped hoping for love and acceptance out of my parents, I realized it was all around me from people I had over looked.
Your channel has some great information, much of which resonates with me. Thank you for putting these out.
Loved your comment❤
I agree, he has great information with supportive, encouraging topics! I hear you, though, about parents that cannot see the successes, harp on the flaws (some of which THEY INSTALLED) and the drudging up of old, stuff. It gets soooo old, so old. I'm 61, an only child, with 2 aging narcissistic parents and I feel you when you say things about the happy family commercials. It's like that for me and social media because of my many, many Italian American cousins putting stuff all over facebook about missing their moms etcetcetc. I'm just like *SHRUG*
...thank you for your comment.
@@GoodPennyYHWHsavesgoddamn you looking great for 61
@@mrsmiley707 Thank you
Just had the very _B E S T_ Christmas ever in my whole life...serenely alone, and with no contact from any of my family - it was wonderful and I still can't wipe the smile off my face! 💙💚💛💜
It's been a very painful process and I have searched my soul deeply over the many decades, and to hear these words of encouragement and affirmation from a man who's been there is such a blessing.
Thank You.
I'm happy for you ❤️
I love you bro.
I did that Christmas 2022 and mine was also pretty great! Happy yours was as well and peaceful!
Genes are non-binding. That's an important take-away
I have broken contact with my parents a year ago. My experience so far is that while I don´t miss them at all; I do feel that something is still not quite right inside me. A healthy bond with your parents is very important but I never had this nor can they ever provide this for me. I"m better off without them but I need to create something that allows me to feel whole, a substitute for the bond that was never there sort to speak…. its difficult...
I'm hearing you, Man - but stick with it...trust YOU!
I feel you!! I'm in a similar position now. I recognize that I never got that internal infrastructure that solid parenting provides so am working to put structures in place that come close to providing that role. Out lives will never be the same to those magical people who have legit parents, but we can do our best :)
No contact is the first step. Building your own identity & grieving the loss of what you wished for is necessary for growth.
This list is good because a lot of victims will feel guilty for leaving if they can’t put their finger on what it is that‘s driving them away, as if there’s some sort of criminal standard that needs to be met to justify it.
You are right tho- the point is how they make you feel, and indeed there are many ways they can evade the moral condemnation of society while committing no end of cruel transgressions against you.
That's right---there's sometimes "guilt" for putting themselves "first"; and this can feel odd and "wrong" initially because they're so accustomed to NOT putting themselves first.
That's EXACTLY what it feels like! Their favorite word is "YOU". Who needs court when you have a Prosecutor hoovering your life 24/7??
The mother who raised me, and who she is now are 2 completely different people.
Over the past several years, she became religiously abusive. We’re also from an enmeshed family. She suffers greatly from CPTSD from her own abusive childhood.
She started becoming conditional with me. Holding support and care over my head if I didn’t adhere to her values and beliefs.
Started criticizing my every move and thought, then correcting and putting me down.
After my step dad’s heart surgery, I showed up in every way, rides, doctors appointments, shopping, etc. all while working full time.
A few weeks after, my landlord had my place painted and I needed to be out for 2 days while it dried. She wouldn’t let me stay with them under the impression that I’m too unholy and will stumble their walk with God.
I cut all contact after that. Hurts a lot because the woman who raised me would’ve never done that and I miss her so much 😢
Thank you, this was validating as I enter my first year of NC. It was the ongoing verbal abuse and manipulation in my adulthood that really was the last straw.
Growing up I felt like I couldn't win with my mother. After I moved out for a time, I felt like our relationship was getting better. But I noticed she always wanted to stick her nose in. She wanted me to move in with a friend instead of me living alone which is what I wanted. She wanted me to grow my hair long when I wanted it short. She wanted to pick my drs when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. And the interference's grew more frequent and she would get more verbally hostile the more I refused to do what we want.
I'm a point where her calling me gives me anxiety. So I have gone no contact. I've threatened it so many times and walked it back. yesterday, I stopped threatening and just blocked her. I'm so scared, tired, angry, hurt and just done.
I can't stand when someone does the same thing over and over but then apologize. So manipulative.
Yes
Mine does something over and over and then makes ME apologize. Woohoo.
5 out of 5 for me. Went no contact with my father (and associated family members) 16 months ago at age 48. Great decision so far.
You will never hear the end of everything you did "wrong" for the last 50+ years of your life. Mine is still complaining about having to handwash my diapers because we didn't have a washing machine for 6 months. Of course it's my fault for needing to poop.
Needed this. I keep considering going back, despite them selling the few things I had, not getting to know me, taking away my bed, and letting the floor mattress I used stay uncleaned so I got lice from my half brother three times. It's hard to remember how I felt back then, and it's hard to reassure myself that it's okay to not be around people that made me miserable.
Not to mention them insulting my mother and telling me lies about her to get to her through me. Completely unacceptable.
Wish you all the best
Best video ever!!!!!!As soon as a victim takes steps towards growth.......here comes the Narc to sap that energy away....and it's right Got Damn back to square one! It's like Mario getting hit by a koopa, and getting shrunk back down to mini size....EVERY TIME!!!!
That sums it up very nicely.
Yes. Mines old and she broke her hip it softened her and we stated talking, texting. But she’s just all about her, with an angry edge that she’s still angry. Then she keeps doing mean things to prove she’s better. Still brags controls my dad. She’s Back! 😞
Thank you for giving me the feeling that what I feel is genuine and I can still take control.
I’m 37 and when I was 2 or three well in the bathroom my mother and father held me down which they claim is joking with me holding a sharp object claiming they will cut me. Of course I am a frightened toddler and I try to get out and they accidentally cut me and pierced the skin and blamed me. My father also used to flick spit at me and would beat me when I got upset. Also throughout my life they always upset I shut myself in my room and did not want to have anything to do with them.
I was 28 in 2013 and decided to completely cut off all contact with my parents.
Someone pointed out my mother made a post saying there’s two sides to every story 😐
The only "side of the story" that matters is *yours* --- as your the one who had to live through this nasty trauma. How sad that you had to experience all this and so glad to hear you've removed yourself from this toxicity.......keep up the good work!
I’ve had to go no contact recently, with my mother, step dad and step brother. I was already alienated from my father at age 8… so that means I have no family now at all… however, my mum has expressed that they don’t care about not having a relationship with me, but they deserve to see my children … this part I’m struggling with. I’ve been told my mum is a narcissistic mother by a few different psychologists. I’ve offered to go to family counselling with my mum to try and mediate our issues, she refuses to go as she says she will be “fed to the wolves” and said she would only come if she could bring my step dad, step brother , and step brothers girlfriend ( who I’ve met perhaps 4 times) to go against me… which to me is outrageous… however I am concerned she may take me to court for grandparents rights. I feel like they will never leave me in peace … and they know the best way to hurt me know, is through my kids. And it’s terrifying.
It’s the feminine favoritism in my sisters favor that pushed me away from my mom
I'm a mother now, I’m scared to repeat my mother's behaviors, that's why I'm really considering to cut the contact with her permanently
i feel like im 5 when talking to parents cause im treated like im 5 😂 controlling check. its extremely rare i talk to my family and dont come away feeling worse. and i draw the line and they just walk all over it.
I wrote that before I heard what you had to say. You have very good ideas. I agree with you. I must be one of those that needed to walk away. Thanks for the confirmation!
with my mother it's the same ole passive aggressive bag of tricks
Mine too. When she calls, it’s all about her!
I don't think there is anything as healthy narcissism. I feel it's self respect we have to do things for our selves dignity and show little bit kindness and compassion to our selves. I heard this quote its helping me it's meaning was (self-love is respect for self and others and narcissism is respect for self and degradation/disrespect for others) it's like the main difference I don't remember the quote but it meant this. And for CODEPENDENCY I heard (Don't make other's problems your emergency... Because they don't give a fuck about you anyway). It makes so much sense they're no we're to be found when we are suffering.
Brad, I don’t know if you want to talk about this or not, but did you ever go no contact with your mom bc of the covert incest? I went to little or no contact with my mom while I was going through healing (still am), but circumstances changed a bit and there seems to be a respect of my boundaries now. I started connecting with my mom here and there, but it still hurts on some level still. I can sort of feel the inappropriateness sometimes when I visit her. I think it’s probably due to the emotional stuff that hasn’t been dealt with. I hope that I can get to a place where speaking to her or visiting doesn’t bother me so much. It sucks...what can I say. Thanks again for another great video brother!
Sometimes it does indeed feel like "in between a rock and a hard place".....everybody has to decide in their own way, and hopefully after they've processed most of it through with a therapist. I didn't fully lose contact---but it definitely had something to do with why I moved from the midwest to California.
Brad Shore, LMFT [Ask A Shrink!] I know that I still have some anger towards her that I need to deal with. It’s amazing that you try your best to just forgive and move forward but some of the emotional stuff and bitterness is still there. I think one thing that bothers me though is the way she treats my dad to this day. She has like no respect for him and treats him like a doormat and I saw that growing up on top of me being used as her emotional lover. So...yea I guess I still have some resentment about some of this stuff. Working through it though. Thanks again Brad!
@@adamrocks19 Why force yourself to forgive her? And she's treating your dad like shit and you want to try and overlook that? Nah. Forgiveness is for yourself, not her. Forgiveness doesn't have to do with forgiving her lol. You can be angry at what she did, you just have to learn how to deal with it in the real world. Your mom used you for her own selfish needs and for her own interests. Of course you can be angry. It's just that letting the anger harbor your relationships and you being angry at the world is one thing.
The problem with going No Contact is that then you deal with enablers who try to drag you back into the abusive relationship. There should be more “concrete” consequences against narcissists and enablers. We should have more rights. If we want to live peacefully, and make the effort to walk away from toxicity, the same problems should not keep finding their way back to us. They should teach youngsters the art of survival and independence from an early age. We should know how to walk away from toxic people without fearing consequences.
Thank you. This was really helpful.
My parents shit on my dreams. To me people that do that aren't parents. I have a relationship because theres a ton of pain on both sides and its not fair.
I went no contact with the woman I got half of my DNA from. Lots of therapy finally got me there. I felt good watching your video. It confirms it all. No addiction from her part but all the other points are just her.
From the eyes of the 38 year inner child aspect, Parental tones dynamic with a brother 17 years older, sister 20 years older, mother still living 40 years older. Brother is married with grown up kids, I kept the connection for the kids I don't mind his wife. Sister triangulates between brother mother sister, parentified elements in the family of origin. 38 youngest is getting married and is in two minds not to invite her whole family or to invite them all even though brother requires immediate cut off and hasn't been spoken to for 2 months since emotional abuse and threat of violence (infantilizes). 78 year old mother will need physical help to come but is defending the abuser and not taking any position which is causing contempt on 38 year old part. Feelings of double binds. 38 year old has 18 year old son and 8 month old son (both distanced where possible). The sister was a social worker, brother domestic I a child and adolescent psychiatric unit. Everyone is old enough to know better. Any offerings of professional video creator opinion?
Well. In some areas my family made me feel like a nobody when it comes to certain things or people. All my life I fell in love with guys who were famous & lived far away from me. My family says these negative words "Girl you'll never meet them." That hurt my feelings & ticked me off at the same time. They made me feel like someone who is beneath those kind of people. When my family hurt me real bad about these guys I gave my folks silent treatment for a week, but I'm not so sure if they had learned from it or not. Only time will tell that. I guess. I no longer talk to them about my heart throbs that much now. I'm now doing what I should have done. Keeping them in the dark. In 2017 a very charming Italian & Welsh dream mate named Matthew started coming to me in dreams & something in the matter sacredly forbidded me not to discuss him with my family, which I believe was a very good advice.
i like this video, i wish there was more inclusive language for those of us that were adopted and are not biologically related to our parental abusers
It's the fact that around the 20+ yr mark of marriage my parents began to drift apart, my mother not listening to what my father would say, always belittling him and tearing him down. She began treating me as a surrogate spouse which was and still is a living nightmare. Dealing with someone who runs over you verbally, is a busybody, though she'll never admit it, refuses to make a life for themselves after my fathers passing and needs constant companionship literally drives me insane. I crave being alone due to this and function better when her presence is not around.
Overbearing is the word I'd use. Will not let go.
I’m in my 60’s and I had a tough childhood, but I never turned against my parents. I consider myself very successful happy and content. Try that.
Good video. Thanks for the advice
Do it! If you rely on your parents for child care STOP NOW. I’m a widow and my parents are going after my kids in family court. NARCISSISTS WILL FIND A WAY! I wish I knew to bite the bullet then. I’m paying for it dearly now.
Tysm for these videos
Glad you like them!
People are living way longer than ever in history. Until about 100 years ago, most of us would lose our parents at a fairly young age. There's a good chance you'd find mothers-daughters living in the same senior living community.
This could be why we are struggling so much with these adult child-parent relationships. Historically, we'd be "orphans" by the time we are 30 years old. Many old folks are actually outliving their children as the world is much more toxic than it was in the 20th century. Just look at childhood allergies and obesity to see why kids today have shorter life expectancy.
I'm guessing that families have always been abusive and toxic on some level. It's just that we knew it wasn't for our whole lives. We don't know that for sure anymore, and our parent-abusers may very well outlive us.
I want to cut contact with my dad, but I’m afraid of how that will affect my relationship with my mom, I’m also not old enough to move out. I’ve considered running away, I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess I just want to word my thoughts out
Your not alone I had to cut off my farther today ,even though my mother still lives with him I have small contact with my mother
I have to choose my soul family. I know who I am and what I am made of but there are a lot of attachments and I should get away from them.
This video is on point
Thank you so much for this video
I don’t want to live with my dad anymore but I don’t have to much money to live on my own?
What do you do if you're in a situation where you still live at home because of the insane housing market the way it is, and you're not in a great position to get your own place (even though you make decent money and have no debt)? I do wanna get away from my parents right now but I'm kinda stuck here.
Your choice will reflect how much self-love/self-care/self-respect you're willing to carve out and create for yourself...
Great video!
I need to break contacts because it is confusing and I have been around it for too long. it does fall apart. I really need to go away
I've managed to come to grips with taking responsibility for my own downfall in life.... UNTIL I VISIT ONE OF MY PARENTS! ... They can't learn or change or grow in any way ... The pain they would endure to learn something new... the implication that they didn't already know it would be devastating to their demonic 'child-mind'. They make me feel sick about humanity. There's a part of me DYING to communicate in a calm, adult way how much they disappoint me... But it would mean nothing as I am the little and they are the BIG... "Oh cute, look, it thinks it has ideas." ... I know for a fact I should not have reacquainted myself with them after all these years... and should probably find a way to remove myself from this part of the world.
I agree
I know that I need to. The next video I was originally going to watch before this is “The silent parent that lets their spouse abuse their kids” 😅.
you know this is a real therapist because of how bad the audio is, high production values are a red flag
Did you have to do this yourself
I can't believe I'm hearing this bs...we are humans.. are they suppose to be perfect?.. this will change all relationships because if i knew my mate would've want to see his parents and siblings..it wouldn't work with me..Family is important!!!! So Brad...you didn't work things out with yours??
I just realized Loki from Thor 1 was some sort of narcissist. Later they copied Zuko from Avatar story arc to redeem him. Jeez can't anyone do something new.
I never tolerated my father. He was totally wrong for me! He's the reason why I avoid other males at all costs and keeping excessive distance from other males too. I perceive ALL males as mean, despicable bullies and monsters.
My parent is dieing. Not now
Cool. I have two legitimate reasons.
What would be the point in talking to them? 🙄 Just cut sling load and move on.. Life's too short.. Better to be alone than to be abused..
I was 4 years old the first time I thought about NC. I knew that I would go to university and I started counting down, 14:4, continued until it was 0:18. I knew then that I could never introduce my parents to a future spouse. All of the points you mention here happened to me. When I was 24, I implemented a "1 Ocean" policy where I had to be 1 ocean away from them so that they wouldn't attempt something. Mom still flew to Japan and caused trouble. I was relieved when they died. This is a good video, glad someone is publishing this kind of content. I don't miss them whatsoever.
Thanks Theo for sharing your story....
Relieved they died?
They weren’t abusive were they?
@@kangaroo3708 What do you think?
@Theo WAF
Well I don’t really know what an NC is
@@kangaroo3708 It means “No Contact”.
They didnt give birth, im adopted, and they never loved me. But ubused me. So i cut. Now in no contact for 3 years.