Men’s Mental Health And The Hard Truth
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- čas přidán 27. 05. 2023
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@@BushBanditGuy Links haven't worked for CZcams Shorts for a long time but apparently most "big creators" or their employees don't actually bother watching CZcams Shorts to know this. They also don't read comments so they just keep posting links despite people saying they don't work.
Lazy bastards mate lazy bastards what are you going to do about it we’ll looks like this preacher is er nothing 🤣
This isn't only for men. That "what are you going to do about it" line is a life changer for every young person.
Right but they are talking about men here. It's important to distinguish between the lived experience between genders as they're different and as he highlighted in the beginning sometimes applying a universal solution doesn't help
It’s not advice only for men but there aren’t numerous organisations or programmes that exist solely to support or encourage men. If a boy doesn’t learn that his problems and shortcomings are his responsibility to solve and overcome, no knight in shining armour is ever going to ride up and save him just because he has a pretty smile.
@@sideburnsandwich1119 It made it very clear that these are the main things that men deal with women want to be loved and men want to be honored so hes not saying that women don't want this. He's saying that it's a lot more important for men to meet their needs.
Yes
@@greyaliien i like to know those organizations?
"What are you going to do about it?" Is literally the gold standard of parenting. Especially when closely followed by "ok. And why is that the best option?"
Wish he would have said that second part, because the part where the parent helps guide the child through the solution is the most important part.
Everyone has sinned and we all fall short of God’s moral standard. And so the payment for our sins is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. So declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and you will be saved.
Yep. Parenting and therapy. One of the best therapists I had let me vent and cry for 20 minutes and then asked, "What's your plan?" And he helped me make a solid plan. Did he treat me like a man or a person who needed a reminder to take control of what I can control, namely my actions? A person.
@@andrewogilvie9051 lol, do you mean the biblical god's moral standards of endorsing slavery, rape, and genocide? I'm more moral than your god. You probably are too, unless, of course, you also endorse those atrocities.
It's so good even moms can use it. It works on daughters too. And it empowers the person to make their own decisions, but it also shows that you are listening and that you care. Everyone deserves to feel acknowledged, capable, and loved.
As a clinical psychologist I'd like to inform you that also female clients with depression don't profit from someone just "stroking their ego".
I've treated men and women and all of them first need to accept their limits to be able to then set realistic goals.
Yeah this is just stupid. Nothing here is Fair to the actual needs of depression between either gender. Depression isn't black and white.
This is true however the issues surrounding men are far more underrepresented, so again this is true, but everyone knows this I understand what you are trying to do though 👍
Yep, and these 2 guys are talking about a way of thinking that doesn't accept personal limitations.
These two men are also talking in a way that isn't applicable to all men or even the majority of men. It's only really applicable to men in their own subculture.
The criticism they're levying against mental health treatment, that there is a one-size-fits-all approach to a highly individualised problem, is the exact mistake they then go on to make themselves when they generalise for all men.
My observation is that when women says they have a problem, it is less about the actual problem, but more about what the feel about the problem. When men says they have a problem, it is about the actual problem and their ability/inability to fix it.
This is why women tend to benefit from just "talking about it", because it helps those feelings to settle down. However, men tend not to benefit from this because they don't have this feeling problem in the first place.
“Be firm, but fair, be kind and courteous, but have a plan to correct”.
Or
-Be 6’4
-Be Scary Large
-Be Rich
-Be a Asshole
Genetics also matter...... Large framed men and tall men are given more respect inherently
💯 spot on. Children need strong male role models. Otherwise they go off the rails
I agree. I’m an only child raised by a single mum. I’ve never had a dad, grandad, uncle, brother or even close male friends. I haven’t gone off the rails as such but I’m definitely not developing at the pace I should be. Got a lot of internal work to do.
Yes and no.
Many men would give the boy a beating which doesn’t particularly help matters.
There has to be a fine line, not too ‘strong’, not too soft.
My father taught me by example. Worked his butt off, switched to nights for 5 years to look after my brother and myself, never fought or yelled at my mother, always told me to pick my battles, to accept constructive criticism & so much more. We had a few difficult years(my fault) but never gave up on me. I'm middle aged and he's my best friend and greatest role model. Still I made some terrible mistakes in my life. A good father is just part of the equation. You have to use all those lessons to mold who you are & become.
@John Martin There is nothing wrong with a spanking. Discipline is good, and as long as it's done right, and the father still shows he loves and cares for his son that's fine. I got spankings from my dad, but he sat me down, gave me a hug, told me he loved me, and explained what I did wrong, and how to improve. Spankings showed the world will have consequences, and some may be physical. Also that there will always be people stronger, and bigger than me.
@@pcgameboy8407 I’m sure your son will/does love it.😉
Like many 1-minute social media hits, I think this raises a legitimate and important point while way oversimplifying a complex and nuanced conversation
Agreed because I definitely feel a lot more capable, but I want to feel cared about and loved so I agree 😂
I completely agree and love how articulately you said it.
K.I.S.S. "Keep It Stupid Simple" (or keep it simple stupid.) Most of the time simplicity is the answer
@@3CODKing There's a big difference between simple and simplistic. It can often mean the difference between genuine understanding that is useful to a large extent, and seriously misunderstanding something in a way that has far-reaching, avoidable negative consequences.
Feeling loved and cared about is important to me as a Guy, i want to feel that people honestly do want me to do good in life and be happy
I dont need to be super strong or always in power
I just want to keep a good sense that reminds me "i'm not alone, i have people who care about me, and i care about them as well"
One does not negate the other. When you go to therapy your therapist finds the root of your depression. For others its feeling unloved. For others its feeling powerless and useless. Most of the time you feel both. But one is the root of all the rest. No one treats male patients like they are female. Each patient is individual and theirs is a unique case.
Wake up and join the real world
@@hboy8625 Ummmm their comment was a realistic and factual assessment of therapy. “Join the real world” That is so dramatic 😂
@@o0alias0o Just wondering how you can state categorically that the comment is "realistic and factual" when the very next comment is from an actual female psychiatrist saying how useful the short is for her to hear from a man's perspective - because Men respond differently.
true. I feel like they in the video, and alot of republicans think that everything needs to be a certain way, that every tradition is a one-sized-fits-all thing, when it isnt. I mean, I get that democrats are garbage, but that doesnt mean every republican value is correct either
Sadly nuance might make for good therapy but it doesn't make for good clicks.
I personally think ppl who treat men like they have to be tough and say they basically can’t be emotional. If I have a son then I will make sure that he knows that he can come to me about anything and if he needs to cry I’ll help him no matter what
Yeah man, I’ve had a very cold relationship with my father because of this sentiment. It’s so harmful, I can’t believe this kind of shit is being pushed to the gullible masses again.
It's a far cry from saying men can't have emotions, to saying "wallowing in your emotions with no end game is unhealthy"
@@GarrotWireThere is a difference that you can't understand because in your life these lessons were done differently so you only think thats how everyone gonna do. But its not brotherm
@@mewe1023 True, one size doesn’t fit all but we could at least admit that in certain cases this isn’t always true.
Ignoring your emotions while hiding behind a “tough” fascade is not only pathetic but unhealthy as well. I’ve spoke with guys before who have said they’ve had no issues with this growing up but their way of living habit, and characteristics say otherwise.
It’s just having self-awareness, something men are slowly starting to develop due to the information highway.
Well hopefully he has a father to help him develop a backbone whilst you mollycoddle him!
As a psychology major and therapist intern, I can tell you that any (good) therapist would NEVER tell you that you are "okay the way that you are", whether you are a man or a woman. That defeats the point.
If we want male depression to be treated with better understanding and approaches, we need more male psychologists.
This statement makes it incredibly hard for me to believe you’re a psychology major. Have you by chance been sleeping though most of your classes?
@@starinthesky8134 I had depressions for years, even to point i often thought of suicide. And you're wrong! So wrong!
I've heard it million times...'Things are not so bad, it's ok to feel low, but remember tomorrow it's going to be better. You're fine..."
That's not helpful-that's gasslighting! All sympathy, all words...0 real support.
Most of time...telling me how i am actually ok for like 5 minutes...and not even letting me finish what I wanted to tell them! Not listening what I had to say...but telling me how I am ok...when I felt like throwing myself out window less than five minutes prior.
...It's not ok.
And telling depressed person...that the way they feel is ok or normal...when they desperately want that feeling to stop...is pure insanity.
@@starinthesky8134 No, I just actually listened to them. And to many multiple therapists have taught me. Have you?
By telling a client "you are okay the way that you are", you only serve to reinforce their unhealthy / ineffective coping mechanisms.
@@stoyanpetkov3853 so you’re saying it’s better to make patients feel bad about feeling bad? Like „hey you’re depressed, and you know what that’s not okay you piece of sh*t“ or „hey I know you’re feeling confused and scared about the future right now but that’s totally not acceptable“…. Pretty sure that’s the actually unhealthy thing
@@starinthesky8134 you know there's a middle ground between those things right?
Many therapists I've seen that have helped me have directly said what I was feeling wasn't normal or ok to feel, but that doesn't make me wrong or bad.
As a girl, when I was depressed my mom told me, "what are you going to do about it?" and it absolutely crushed me every time. I felt so unseen, uncared for, and alone. Goes to show you different people need different things.
Same I completely went thru the same thing. When I just wanted to be understood and acknowledged of my frustration and someone says "what are you going to do?" It made me frustrated even more and felt like no one cared about how I felt.
I agree but I don’t think it’s a gender thing, I think it’s a contextual thing. “What are you going to do about it?” doesn’t help a child who is subject to terrifying things outside of their control it just makes the child feel shame and shame is corrosive.
Every psychiatrist (probably) knows this. These guys are just using a strawman to prove a point.
@@estoyaqui257no. U just was too afraid to tell truth. U were a coward to explain your problem and admit u lack knowledge and need some guidance.
Question itself is perfect. It puts u in a place where u are in charge of the outcome. Your parent literally asked u what's going on.
But u run away from it and even today can't admit u are coward.
What’s said in the clip doesn’t speak for all men. A lot of men would feel exactly like you did.
As a female psychiatrist this is super useful to hear. Men respond so differently to things and hearing men’s’ views like this helps me massively. Thank you.
It wasn't accurate for me.
PLEASE don't listen random dudes on the internet trying desperately to perpetuate gender normativity and an insanely atomizing and isolating individualistic ideology. As a man, MEN DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD THEY NEED TO 'MAN UP' MORE. PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE
As a man who was neglected and bullied as a child. All i ever wanted was to feel loved. These men are one bad day away from suicide. Because all their welf worth comes from providing.
@@MustbeTheBassest If that’s your take you need to whatch this clip again he said men want to feel capable and powerful. Providing was not mentioned. For a man to feel good to love end respect himself he need to feel capabel and powerful.
But... the first words in this short was "Don't treat depression in others like how I suffer from it"..... and now you're going to say "THIS IS WHAT MEN THINK?"
I want to feel loved and accepted more than I want to feel capable and powerful. It’s nice to feel capable and powerful but the absence of those wouldn’t get me down.
He is assuming really outdated and traditionalist gender roles.
Honestly, women need this, too.
Agreed.
The western cultural indoctrination is to infantilize instead of truly empower.
Agreed, but unfortunately we have different rules.
Father can't be really like that anymore or their wife will take half their shit.
Not saying it doesn't work but once you have chosen the wrong partner because you weren't a man already, it's difficult if not downright impossible to bring that kind of energy to raising your kids.
@@xLegendaryPicturesyour response displays a fundamental misunderstanding of how real relationships happen. Women don't "take half men's shit" they earned 50% by helping their spouse to become successful. They were an equal partner in accumulating that wealth. No man becomes successful in a vacuum, thas just egotism speaking.
With a young boy, start with ‘how/what are you feeling?’ And end with ‘and what are you going to do about it?’
Develops emotional understanding and the recognition of responsibility at the same time
I would say that counts for children in general
@@zondernaam2040 absolutely true
We should do this for everyone tbh. We all need a healthy balance between our right brain and left brain. Nobody should be neglecting one side of their brain
@@PlayshotKalo >me, sides of my brain looking like David and Goliath
@@PlayshotKalo that's not how brain works 😂
I'm glad I had a dad in my life, he taught me how to respect people and to control my emotions while still realizing that they are valid and important
Your dad sounds wonderful. But he cannot keep you from having depression. If something caused your serotonin levels to dip you would 100% experience depression like everybody else. Depression is not sadness. It is a physical disease.
You just described being sad.@@elyse443
For someone who's been going through really bad stuff and currently jobless for 6 months and being rejected countless times despite having really good feedback from interviewers, and wondering whether I'll even have a job ever again, I really think men just needs a hand over our shoulder to assure us we are loved. We don't like to talk through our problems to a counsellor cos it only adds to our pain. We only want a listening ear and assuring touch. Because no one will give a man that, not even my parents who I imagine cares for me but never ever show it even when I look like I wanna end it all. I think I'll cry like a river if someone actually sincerely gives me that.
Much of the time, depression is made up of unresolved issues. Don’t be afraid of it because your inner mechanic needs to get in there and start repairing. Only you can do this. Don’t let someone who is unfamiliar with your condition to tell you what’s wrong and how to fix it. You need to be brave and face it yourself, man or woman.
if you're suggesting that people don't need to see a therapist to help with depression i think you need to relearn what depression is. what causes many people to fail to get over their depression is that they are unable to recognise why they're depressed and what delusions they're having to cause those symptoms, as this is extremely difficult to achieve alone if not impossible. when the very way you think is disordered you can't just "be brave and face it".
@@luckerowl8990 True enough. I wasn’t suggesting that, but rereading my comment, it kind of sounds that way. Upon familiarizing your therapist with the condition, they can help you. I was referring more too CZcams pod casters giving blanket advice for a complex condition.
It’s always best to fight depression with a community that loves you, gives motivation, and validates your feelings.
Dude this is so freaking true. I grew up with parents who always told me things would be ok, but what I really needed was to be charged with the responsibility of getting myself out of the holes I dug.
All children need to be provided with structure, and taught responsibility. That is a basic developmental need, it's not a gender thing
You can do both!
I’m a 19 year old male. I’m in my second semester of my first year of college and have been visiting with a counselor once a week to help with the struggles I’ve been having adjusting to college life. Last semester I sought no help from anyone and nearly got suspended because of how poor my academic performance was. Getting over the roadblock of admitting I can’t do it alone has paid major dividends for me. Going to counseling has provided me with pragmatism that I think can benefit all men and women, and to learn about why these struggles come up and how I can deal with them is a skill that is useful beyond just school. Growing up with 2 older brothers and spending most of my time with them and my dad I’ve had no shortage of life lessons being taught to me through experience and learning from the other men in my life, but some problems aren’t so simple that they can be fixed simply by being grabbed by the scruff of my neck and being told I need to be strong.
THIS!
Hopes it getts better, buddy.
Honestly he was pretty spot on about the "what are you gonna do about it" It stirred a vague memory of hearing the same thing from my father and now that I think about it it's one of those tiny life lessons. That has lots and lots of mileage.
Once, I threw away my lollipop on the sidewalk. My dad immediatelt scolded me with a stern voice, "Pick that up and throw it in the garbage."
I was 5.
I'm 27 now and have never littered on the street EVER.
Mums do that too.
@@laestrella9727 not as often or effectively as men.
@@benjamink.1970 What a load of BS, of course moms do this too. The same way dads can just let their kids do what they want and encourage bad behaviour/ moms can also do this. It depends on what kind of person you are and how you have been raised.
@@chalk4156 I never said that they wouldn't or couldn't. Focus buddy.
@@chalk4156 The way Moms do it and the way Dads do it are different, and equally important. The lesson is in the tone of voice the parent uses and the delivery of the lesson. Each different delivery and tone support the importance of the lesson within a slightly different context. The difference is the emotional context of the child receiving the correction. Both different, both invaluable.
Its true. This broke me out of my huge depression and entitlement complex.
Everyone has sinned and we all fall short of God’s moral standard. And so the payment for our sins is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. So declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and you will be saved.
@@andrewogilvie9051 What are you even talking about, have you read the bible carefully at least once? Most people are more moral than God
I think a balance is good. Tough love means the love has to be there for it to work to be tough. Showing young boys or girls how to overcome challenges and how to build their self esteem through facing difficult moments is a valuable discipline to learn. We cannot wrap ourselves in cotton wool for every difficult scenario
I am a woman who has struggled with depression. No one ever asked me what I was going to do about my problems, I was coddled. It was only when I was broke, living in a women’s shelter after struggling with addiction for a decade and nearly dying so many times that I finally asked myself, ‘What are you going to do about it?’ And now I’m over a year and a half sober with two jobs after being chronically unemployed, losing weight, quit smoking, and totally excelling.
I’ve found this difference between me and the women in my life, for the most part. When they vent, my first instinct is to fix it, but they 90% of the time just want to vent without a solution. It’s foreign to me, but it’s something I’ve had to learn. I think as men our first instinct is, “alright, what are we going to do now?”
My response to these kind of situation is: "If you do not want me to help you fix your problem, then make your complaints funny. And if not, then don't expect me to listen."
This is the typical situation for most all male/female relationships and it’s usually because they want to just get it out in the open and then are able to think about it better. The way me and my wife try to do it is at the beginning I ask if this is a “fix it” situation or a “just listen” situation. It’s usually the second 😅. But there have been plenty of times as we’ve used that technique that she’s asked for my opinion afterward. I think it’s helped our marriage a bunch
Research has shown that venting alone can help lower stress significantly, so can't blame them. I'll still try to find a solution though lol
Yes. Women just want to validated and told they are correct, listened to in whatever they are venting about. They do not want a solution.
My girlfriend became oregnant unexpectedly, and I sent her some information about abortions because neither one of us wanted a baby. However, she didn't take it well because she needs time to sort out her emotions about it and I was coldly trying to solve it logically too soon.
Agreed. That said, let’s not stop at “male” depression. Everyone can learn more about self-reliance and integrity.
We need to stop at male because the way mental health works is generic in its field and it helps women with how women think and operate... It stops at male because men don't get the treatment they need and deserve when it comes to mental health...
And the way men work is different than the way women work...
You're not wrong but the point that male depression differs from female is still in there.
@@martijnoerlemans765 I agree, really tired of all the male outlets for talk always turns into well women.... instead of just focusing on men for 1 fucking second.
I remember when I was a kid, something happened that upset me and I went off to my room to cry. A couple minutes later, my dad came in and sat me down. He told me that I couldn't run away from things and that I needed to learn to face and confront problems or things that were upsetting me. Easily one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.
What happened next ? Did you confront your troubles
Was there any love presented? There needs to be a balance. Sure, he taught a lesson but it doesn’t completely patch up those wounds from inside..
Balance folks. Be able to empathize and pull your loved ones out of the abyss, and then build them up with that strong attitude this guy spoke about.
As a woman, the best cure for my depression has always been to be able to implement actions that can better my situation. Aka I need to feel capable & empowered, like he described for males. I don’t know how legitimate that gender distinction actually is in this scenario…
I say the most problems women have is accountability and respect... Modesty is something I don't see anymore!!!
Thats the best cure for most depression because depression is a symptom of not doing the basics correctly in 95% of cases. For most people with "depression" all they need to do is fix their diet, fix their sleep, fix their exercise, fix their routine and they'll feel better.
Mental health is much more than depression, in fact depression is often a symptom of physical health not mental health.
Most women find talking through their problems to be the most effective way of making them feel better, hence why its so common for women to get mad when their partner tries to fix her problems instead of just listening.
Most men find talking through their problems to be pointless if the focus isnt on solving the problems, which is why its so common for men to not open up to their partners very much. The man wants to fix the problem but the woman thinks she just needs to listen to him talk about it.
@@callanc3925 I like the way you see things but Depression for me is not just be able to sleep or going to the gym, I'm bipolar so for me its very different and I have a childtrauma wish is a really hard to understand I wont go into detail but for some if you do the basic is not enough for me I learn to cope and learn to adapt to things and still I felt like I didn't belong but it take time and it's a fight I will have to deal my entire life happiness for me is the little thing in life even if for you sound banal for me I get happy if a get 8hr of sleep hehe
To feel capable and empowered?
I have no desire to feel capable and empowered. I want to be capable and to be capable is to have power.
I think as a generalization what he is saying is pretty accurate. It's not that men and women can't both use the same stratagems to solve personal problems. It's that in the male experience men are being fed lines of resoning and solutions for life that don't actually focus on accountability and personal improvement. Not saying that's not what you do- but i've been to talk therapy for a long time and there's only so much you can be made aware of before having to take things into your own hands. Men are told to accept their emotions and it's valid to cry and just sit with pain, but personally speaking- and i think some people will agree with me on this- men really only benifit incrementally from that kind of advice. Men need more kicks in the ass than pats on the back.
Yes you have to be in control, there's no point in only sitting and crying, BUT MEN ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL THEIR FEELINGS.
feel, process those emotions, then take action.
My dad taught me one of the best things about life that is still a huge part of the way I see things
One day he saw that I was upset and pretty down, he knew that I had been hurt by the way I'd been treated by a girl I was besotted with ( I was a teenager) he said that no matter what I do I can't change what happened, but If I keep going back over and over again she is still going to hurt you,I can't change the past but I can choose what I do about it...... going over things you can't change is letting the past control your future,..... he was totally right
my brother has CP when going through physical therapy I asked my mom to stop coming. She refused to let him go through pain and would often stop the progress. Women's greatest strength is compassion but its also a great weakness too. As much as we need comfort from parents we also need them to continue to push us towards success even if it means discomfort
The problem is simply that the model for how we treat emotions is wrong for both boys and girls. An emotion need need to be felt to be processed and regulated. Neither the “sucking up” or the “cuddle” it away is healthy options. It’s much healthier to teach your child to pay attention to their bodies and describe to themselves how an emotion physically feels trough meditation. I love the way Sam Harris explained how and emotion separated from its root in thoughts had little to no half-life before it’s gone.
This! All that gender wars is only useless poralization. New psychology is needed
“Okay, well live with it” is the best advice my Dad ever gave me idk why but it struck that time.
About your depression?
I used to hate my dad growing up, but now I love him. He may only have grade school education but he taught me things far more valuable that any educational establishments can.
Little by little everything he told me started to sink in and it all started with "If you fall, pat the dust away. Stand up and keep going because the only way to go is forward, its all in the brain. You will be hurt no doubt but all you need to do is man up and face the storm head on"
I'm 24 years old and not having a dad still messes me up everyday
“What are you going to do about it?”. I’d recommend you to build your own moral compass and make it your life goal. As long as your moral code of conduct intact after how many time you fall, you’ll just have to do what’s right and move on with it. At least that’s how I live my life, I help the needy during my free time and absolutely uphold my code in any moment and I probably will until I take my last breath on this earth. Lately I’ve been studying different religions then comparing them with each other and I’m not trying to follow any religion but I’ll take what seems to be common between these scriptures and live my life by the code. Hope it’ll help you to figure some things out in your life. Have a nice day mate.
I don't think so
@@user-zp4de5lq9i Bro, let’s just get to the point, this guy needs to be loved. Having a loving support system is crucial to solving big problems.
Yeah women don’t just need coddling and comfort to feel better. We have to feel powerful and capable in our lives too.
Definitely x
Woman need their feelings validated and to feel loved. Imagine being without that.
Allow men their differences, we don’t need comments about female egos being threatened when they’re told that men are different.
@@pennym1056 stop spamming incel
@@pennym1056 geez man, it's not all about you. As a woman, I can say we 100% need this as well. There are far too many women out there who don't get this and just rely on a man then FALL TO BITS when they breakup or whatever because she was taught the only thing that can hold you together is a man
Women would feel more powerful and capable if they allowed men the opportunity to help them handle some.of their problems and not constantly try and prove they are equally capable. Of course you can, but are you strong enough to let someone else?
My mom taught me the same...When she died my depression was because i missed being loved and accepted. They tried to give me purpuse wasn't solving my problem.
I've known many guys, myself included, who struggled with depression. Hands down the two greatest things that help are physical activity and a sense of purpose from a fulfilled work life.
Also consider that we can get stuck trying to do something about an issue that, realistically, we can't remedy or control and need to let go of.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Does anyone know any good source to get them? I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels, would love to give shrooms a try.
A lot of people have testified about this and I really want to give it a shot. I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels
Shrooms was definitely the best trip I ever had. It was amazing!
Is he on instagram?
YES very sure of bergwilly11__. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I think a problem when you get bullied is that there is most of the times some truth to it and you have two options improve yourself and become seemingly obedient or spiteful. The problem is that you improve yourself in a position of weakness and not in a position strength.
One of main things I discovered in therapy was that my depression was because I felt powerless. I'm female. I didn't need to be told I was loved and accepted, I needed to feel that I could survive the hard times.
No woman gets told that. Seems just to be the dismissive male point of view. They need to believe they're superior to silly women at all times.
I wish your dad were a dad to all young men. I taught male adolescence all over the US and just watching the boys walk into the classroom, you can read the strength or the lack of it. Finally! A man who is willing to be a man and you cannot treat the two sexs alike. They're not alike. And, yes, it's okay for women to be tough, strong be respectful as well.
Men and women need both male and female role model and support. Both need love and acceptance, and both need tough responsibility. Too bad that's so hard now a days...
@Kevo Walkerso what are you going to do about this?
@@AnonymousIRL hell for you maybe
This is how my day dealt with me. Happy father's day. RIP daddy-o
That's definitely true. When I'm sad I may crave being loved on, but it doesn't actually help the depression go away, it just makes it so I can sleep. My depressive episodes are more likely to come from being screwed over (powerlessness) or being extremely disrespected irl.
As a father of two young boys, when one of them come to me with a problem I’ll say what are you going to do to fix it? And I will only help if they have at least given it a go on their own, but I’ll also always be there for them when they need a hug or a heartfelt chat. As fathers our job is to teach our sons and other young boys in our life how to be capable and at the same time loving to others.
Jake sounds like you’re doing a fine job and have reached the perfect balance of lovingness and strength/harshness. Keep doing what you’re doing, I never had that
W DAD
Nothing you said there can't be done by a mother.
Nice! A father that’s finally aware of the balance.
Will do the same if it was a different gender?
I think it should be identified in anyone (male or female) what it is they are lacking. Is it a sense of sovereignty in their own bodies and will? That power? Is it a sense of belonging and feeling like they are worthwhile and valuable? Loved? I think everyone needs to feel and know both in themselves.
He really trusted his abilities there. Wow
There's a saying I started using, "For your own sake, I'll play the villain." and I stand by it when I'm giving people advice, it's not evil, it's just not the way people expect, it's more confrontational and "do something about your damn situation"
Working out and boxing cured my depression
Damn right.
My fathers therapist is currently doing that and it emboldens him to argue with everyone cuz now his ego is rampant.
I tell my kids “it’s ok that you feel upset/sad, take a second to feel that and then we can figure out what we can do from here. What can we control in this situation?” I want strong kids who overcome who can recognize their motivations and needs.
Everyone needs to be accountable for their actions.
Men and women do tend to experience and need different approaches to therapy. Not all, but in general. Nothing wrong with that. Hiring managers need to be aware that women tend towards being self-deprecating, and so get less promotions and wages, to managers need to be aware of this so women get their fair share of raises and promotions because they bring good leadership and so do men, it's just somewhat different.
Yeah, different but equal. Differences are what make our species so strong and resilient and that's why we should appreciate each other for what we have to offer instead of putting each other down
Depression is symptom..
facts, depression is a symptom of poor physical health most of the time. for 90% of people, fixing your diet, sleep, exercise, and routine will make depression go away.
@@callanc3925 Agreed. The few times that you’re depressed by some genetic fault is extremely rare. Pharmaceutical companies love to treat the symptoms they themselves may have caused.
@@callanc3925pure bullshit if it's severe it's not gonna help anyway
Women need to hear this too. If you are a victim you have the right to feel like one, but you don't have the right to stay there. Take ownership of your own life or someone else will. (Edit: I'm speaking from experience as a woman.)
Loved and accepted rather than capable and powerful.. Spot on! I was having a hard time formulating that on my own, and here you’ve done it - clear as day. We’ll done, lads!
Venting is just the first part of processing feelings. Sometimes, it is the solution. When men come home from a long, hard day's work, sometimes they will vent about whatever difficulties the day brought. Letting off steam to your partner is part of why we get together, a safe place to release the frustrations of the world. Man or woman, we all have bosses or coworkers who vex us, unreasonable customers, flat tires, etc. In public, we have to behave and be professional. At home we are allowed to be ourselves, and let it all out. Listening IS the fix.
You said:"At home we are allowed to be be ourselves." That’s the problem… Who allows who? Who needs to feel allowed to be oneself?? Society makes us frustrated on so many levels then we think all of this is normal feeling.
@miriades we allow our partner to have a safe place to process the frustrations of society and the demands of surviving. Love with understanding can create a safe place two share, where they have each other's back.
@@kittenhrdr You're actually right.
@@miriades thanks for the support 🙏
That is true even in men groups to whine lol, not only to their partners. But they do not exhibit the topic of depression
Not exclusive to men, and not universal for men. It needs to be understood that human physiology and psychology are so wildly diverse that you HAVE to cater treatment to the individual. Blanket statements or treatments do not work when a series of complex circumstances unique to each individual are responsible for everything that we know, say, and do in our lives.
10/10 agree with everything he just said.
I have mild depression. Didnt go to theraphy, but i read plenty of books because it is 'manageable'. School all the way through college was like that, you seek female attention and approval. I knew something was missing, but It was never part of my vocabulary 'i want to feel capable and powerful'
This is a game changer. Because every cell in my body always wanted this.
Good message. From personal experience I find women also have to also take control of their lives and that helps get me out of depression. Instead of blaming it on a medical condition, I want my story to be, despite my hardships, I got back up and made a life for myself.
What’s the empirical data do back this up? Or is it just more of the same “it feels good” style of “truth” that’s so popular today.
Beyond that i actually think some of this is harmful. The truth is some things cannot be controlled, sometimes it is the environment around you... and you cannot change it. Even more so part of, especially chronic, depression and anxiety is realising that, at least part of you, isn't capable and you need help.
Now of course that doesn't mean that improving ones feelings of control and power cannot help but if you don't also come to grips with your feelings of self worth being directly connected to those things and how you need to change that it is exactly the same as hollow ego boosting.
No this is complete nonsense again
@@TheWhiteGoblin You’re absolutely right, it’s incredibly harmful. Thinking like this is how abusers are created. It comes from a pretty spoiled place too.
It's like there is some truth to it but the explanation is so scrambled it doesn't make any sense. He makes it sound like the way to treat male depression is to not respond to their feelings and that is harmful and not grounded in science at all. But it's a fact that there are decisive gender differences in mental illness that often get overlooked by professionals. For example autism and adhd are underdiagnosed in women, depression and borderline are underdiagnosed in men, due to the fact that symptoms and their pattern differ due to 1) men tend to externalise symptoms while women tend to internalise. There's lots of data on that. 2) while all humans have the three basic needs or motivations of control/power/influence, achievement/self-efficacy, and attachment/affiliation/belonging, there are gender differences in how strong those needs are that are mediated by sex hormones and social environment/culture. Higher need for power is associated with testosterone while higher need for affiliation/attachment is associated with estrogen and oxytocin. Now this is a tendency and everyone needs to have their needs met, but the higher the need the more suffering and dysfunction a frustration of that need (or motivation) will be. In therapy there should always be a focus on helping the person cope with frustrations and find ways to satisfy their needs, taking into account the individual and their experiences. That being said, a "typical male" with mental illness that is externalising and has a high need for control would benefit from being taught how to establish boundaries and respect other peoples boundaries and how to feel in control of themselves and their emotions first and foremost, while a "typically female" mental illness expression benefits the most from bonding experiences and emotional validation. That doesn't mean that men don't need that, it just means that they might bond in a different way and that focusing on a domain that is less of an issue for them will neglect the domain that they need more support in, which is a sense of control. Hence, when the therapist focused on emotional validation instead of his sense of control his needs got frustrated and he didn't feel it helped him deal with his depression.
Anecdotal - it's true for me.
jesus christ the ignorance both in this video and this comment section about what mental health is
Interesting how you'd call it ignorance when so many people agree with what Chris and his guest are talking about here.
Yeah fuck that I'm not gonna keep scrolling, people are so fucking stupid on here
@@henrysjolinMany people also think the earth is flat. It has literally zero relevance to whether or not it's true.
@@thorstmixx Sure, but neither does dismissing a claim as "ignorant" without elaborating on why it is. All I'm saying Chris has a strong following for a reason
@@henrysjolin Just because everyone agrees doesn't mean it isn't ignorance. A lot of people think the earth is flat but that doesn't make it any less round.
Your job as a parent is to love and nurture your child, but it is also to prepare them for the world and life. You can't make it too easy for them if though it is tempting because you love them so much. Life and the world is hard and it is up to us as parents to prepare our kids to problem solve and be strong so they can thrive and survive.
Working at a place where I am the only man and having to listen to women's problems for almost a decade I can say this really hit home compared to whenever I talk with men and they are having a problem it's solved very differently. Women want to sit down and talk about their feelings that arose from whatever problem there was compared to men who just want to find a solution as quickly as possible. Men and women act and see things very different.
Eh...It's still reminiscent of the whole "just be a man" concept. I think men are much deeper beings than that and require a bit more guidance. That being said, I 100% agree male mental health is being treated the same as female mental health. I was given a childrens book the last time I sought help for my depression. How tf am I supposed to relate to a childish cartoon in order to feel better about myself? I needed adult help, not a silly kiddy book!!
Man can only do so much for Man. True healing comes from Our Heavenly Father above. 🙏🏽💯
"just be a man" is fantastic advice.
Well, depends on what kind of book it was. I'd honestly rather watch a childrens show (say Adventure Time) than go to a therapist again.
@@biggibbs4678 it is useless. you have to agree on what you define 'man' as. 'Biological human male' should be the definition. In which case, I already am.
These ideas are much more fleshed out and developed than the “just be a man” concept. It explains what it is to be a man, what the purpose of behaving like a true man is. What pride there is to be had from it, and what self respect one must have in order to be their best. Not just for themselves, but for everyone around them especially those under their care and protection. We men are role models, especially to our sons. Of course in a ten second clip, may not seem like there’s much depth. But it’s more thoroughly discussed and is definitely much more profound and deep in the rest of the discussion.
I feel like men want to feel capable and powerful so that they could ultimately feel loved and accepted, so it all comes from the same place as humans.
Men mostly want to feel capable for themselves. Like - we dont learn how to fix a car so we be adored for our ability to fix a car - we just want t have that skill. Coz its in our nature to want to get things done. And look at male power fantasy - Thor, Hulk, Blade, Superman, Batman - we just enjoy power and capability. (Also why Tyler from Fight club is so popular)
No, its not same. I will have people who love me but I feel useless and like a load on them. I know that's not how they feel about me but I am built to feel that way it's not a conscious decision I made.
As a woman, I think we also need this. Self -love is important, and women do struggle with it a lot (men probably do as well,but just speaking from my own lived experience) but women do also need to be told that sometimes you do have to step up and act and make changes. Self -compassion is great. Being overly complacent is not.
I'm a woman who recovered from suicidal depression, and the first steps in my recovery were very masculine-oriented in that, it was all about taking action and making different choices. The feminine aspect of recovery came much later for me. I believe both are necessary for anyone to heal.
There’s a sweet spot there. There’s a male in my family that was way too tough on his sons, calling them stupid and idiots whenever they did something “wrong”. He didn’t treat his daughter like that. So he was very tough on the boys, and nothing they did was good enough. It took them all about 40 years to get their lives right. A lot of suffering and depression before that. And they all competed for their father’s love, which they never fully got. So making generalized assumptions is dangerous. Hopefully, children grow up with parents who know themselves well enough, and are aware enthusiasm that their children are not mere extensions of them.
For me the ego stroking didn't lead to feeling entitled, it just made me believe my mom or anyone else was not being sincere almost anytime I am complimented.
Love this, fascinating how differently men and women respond
The father figure in a house is the immovable object a young boy grinds against. Iron sharpens iron
Lmao if its a stepdad its a different kind of 'grinding against'
Interesting words for childhood emotional neglect
@@ianbeeston7353 He stated how great his parents were they weren't neglectful. It was one experience that they may have neglected him in totally different.
The analogy isn't great for today's obsession with sexuality but it's a great analogy.
You see strong men and they have, in my experience, always had a strong man somewhere guiding them in a very masculine way.
Woman can birth boys but they need men to guide them.
@@ianbeeston7353interesting your chimp brain could formulate a sentence after making such a reach..
I'm a female with depression, but it's not that I don't feel loved, I'm an empath and I can tell how much I am loved but that doesn't stop me from not feeling capable and independent. Depression isn't one size fits all with men and women.
Completely agree .. you cannot tell someone that they are perfect as they are when they hate themselves. Ask them how they want to feel, what person they want to be, how can i help you become that person..
This clip did said ‘telling someone they are perfect as they are…’ IS good enough for women, and that it makes them privileged, but men need better. That’s what this clip showed.
"What are you going to do about it?" is the best mantra you can live by.
I know so many people who are adults and never learned to act to make their lives better. Even if you are dealt a horrendous hand in life, there is always something you can do to make it better, not perfect, but better.
It's very difficult to help people who are unable to help themselves.
This is the strongest slice of conversation i've ever heard. This is life changing.
My whole life has been filled with mental health problems, anxiety, depression, and others things. When I sweep things that bother me to the side, they always come back, and start eating away at me, slowly. I have been dealing with this since I was 6 years old. I have watched my pets die in my arms. And I wouldn’t shed a tear because I have no more tears to cry with.
Not trying to make a story, but this topic is a serious one.
On the opposite side, you have some fathers that drill it into their son's brain that they can never feel weakness to the point when they eventually crack, it becomes explosive.
It needs to be a mix of both.
I'm so proud of this comment section for having so many people bring up balanced and insightful points about how and why this short is way oversimplifying the issue and why we need intersectional and mindful solutions. Amazing. Hope in humanity restored. Still I am saddened to read the responses that feel validated by this in promoting toxic cultural standards. I hope we can all grow and heal together and engage in productive discussion
What exactly was toxic about men not finding solace in being told everything is going to be ok vs tangible measures to take back control of their lives?
@@theezenriarinze9203 you misunderstood me. I did not say that the video promotes toxic standards, in fact it just kind of misrepresents something that is actually true, which is that men differ in how they prioritise, experience and express needs from women on average, and that mental health professionals are often not schooled in how mental illnesses differ in symptom expression between the genders. What I said is that I am saddened that some people in the comment section take this video as "proof" or agreeing that men don't have any emotional needs to be met, which is false and a toxic cultural belief. Just because men's need for control has a higher priority doesn't mean that needs for bonding and emotional validation are irrelevant or nonexistent. Clearly, if what you lack is a sense of control that needs to be addressed, especially if it has been neglected so far. That does not conclude to being the only need men have.
@@theezenriarinze9203Because barely any therapist tells men "everything is going to be okay". It's make believe to rile people up.
@@pandapanda246 The only people who seem to misunderstand this video are unilateral thinkers, aka socially manufactured sophists.
If any of you think following his advice, literally word for word, is the first action to be taken, and a good choice of action at that, then honestly I feel sorry for you and I hope you all get to work on that aspect of thinking. Most people (men in this thematic aspect) today are pampered and matured in false educations as to fall into this trap. Into a false sense of understanding, which funnily creates problems such as these.
Less male vs female, more individual. I went through depressive times where I needed to feel loved and accepted and I went through epesiode where I needed to feel empowered and capable 🤷♀️
"what are you going to do about it" - excellent prompt - thank you for sharing this video with this quote included - time to get back into action
Damn this world is so messed up. Why can’t we all just be treated the same?
Fax
I've been to therapy before and although it did a lot to contextualise the hurt I'd felt in the past, it did almost nothing to improve my situation in the present.
My time with male coaches and men's groups has helped me 1000% more because whenever I bring a problem to these spaces it's respected and heard, but I am always held accountable for my own involvement and challenged to turn up different next time so that my life will improve in the future.
Be polite
Be respectful
Have a plan to kill everyone you meet
"Tf2 meet the Sniper"
Respect is something that is earned. Not given.
Courtesy on the other hand is something you give even to someone you are about to execute.
@@RicardoSantos-oz3uj be sure to pay respect to the dead
Based.
“The spirit of the father is judging you”
Reassurance and Stroking Ego aren't the same. Intent.
Both men and women want to feel loved and to feel powerful. This is silly.
Yeah but men dont get nearly the amount of emotional attention as women do
Male depression this, female depression that, guys it's just depression. Everyone should feel capable, strong, loved, and cared about
Nooo. Men must feel superior to women yet underdogs all the tiiime.
Non binary depression this, non-sense gender classifications that? Why do you bother chiming in as a failed man?
It’s like the quotes I highlighted while reading a book called “the loop” by Ben Oliver. It’s how loneliness makes a person miss the bad moments or the bad people, how desperate it makes you, how easy it is to fall in love with someone or something in isolation
now I understand the reason for my disfunction. I was never guided properly to make myself independent.
You're so pretty Chris Williamson xx
I’m glad this was brought up and recognize that there is an innate difference between male and female, and not one is better than the other, but yet something to be acknowledged and embraced. And we acknowledge different styles in clothing, even lotion, but not mental health, and that will always be baffling to me.
Isn't it necessary for a broken man to feel loved and accepted before he can start feeling capable and strong?.
Like this:" it's okay that you're struggling and hurting, it's very understandable and there's great compassion, however you are capable of so much, you can heal and actualize your true potential, becoming a strong and loving man."
I don't think that love and acceptance say "it's okay to be weak and broken, stay weak and broken". But I think love says:" it's okay to be where you are right now, let me take you by the hand and help you walk towards what you can become
It's not okay to be where you are right now if right now you're in a genuinely bad mental place making genuinely crappy decisions. But beyond that I agree with everything you said
A world without respect and discipline is a world full of narcissism and addiction.
Bingo
Same for girls with adhd. It presents differently and needs to be treated differently
Everytime a hear a male complain about being a victim; I know the problem. It is sometimes manipulation, but more often it is being powerless.
In life as a male, you really need to work towards a goal and be fairly stoic. You'll feel better about yourself if your making positive changes, rather than dwelling on feelings that frankly no one cares about.
Imagine being in a marriage that’s void of feelings.
There’s no way for humans to bond intimately without feelings and vulnerability.
Repressing your feelings only leads people to isolation because we never bond with anyone. What we actually need is a balance of both
Stoicism is a side effect, not the goal. If being stoic is your goal, then you already failed at your first step.
@@PlayshotKalo
Your feelings are a product of your desires. Therefore, what are your desires a product of?
@@anaximanderofapollonia9842 id wager to say that desires are uncontrollable because we have no true free will.
@@bokchoiman
How so? As in, if "I do want X" is beyond my control, is "I do NOT want X" also beyond my control? Also, can you force yourself into wanting something?
And what would be your reference point for "true freedom/free will?