Having Friends of the Opposite Sex
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
- The age-old question: can you have friends of the opposite sex? What about if you’re married or in a relationship?
Yes! But...
Being married changes things. It changes our lifestyle, our priorities, our friendships. If you have friends of the opposite sex and are married, it is wise to set boundaries in those friendships. Jackie and Bobby explain how to do this in a charitable way. If you are not married but plan to be someday, and have friendships with the opposite sex that you value, are there steps you can take now to smoothen the transition once marriage approaches? This advice may be hard, but in the end it will be better for all those involved, and your spouse will thank you.
This is not to say, of course, that you need to cut off all friendships with the opposite sex when you are married. In fact, those friendships can even be strengthened by inviting your spouse into them and enjoying them in the context of married life.
Fr. Mike touches upon similar points in his video on setting boundaries in friendships. Jackie also covers similar ideas in her video on the Christian response to attraction.
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“Not all friendships lead to affairs but all affairs start as ‘just friends’
@bellaf.799 NAILED IT! A friend of the opposite sex in the confines of a relationship/marriage causes more infidelty and affairs (emotional or physical) than any other circumstance. Don't allow it in the first place. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM IT! You are literally handing the devil the keys to your relationship/marriage by allowing this! The world viewpoint says a person is insecure, controlling, jealous, abusive, manipulative for not wanting their spouse to have any friends of the opposite sex! I CALL IT BEING PROTECTIVE OF YOUR MARRIAGE!
This one
Exactly.
No. Many women cheat on their husbands by having sexual affairs during the "girl's night out" or "girls' getaways", with no previous "friendship" at all.
Love this! It happened to me, I spoke up. He called me crazy then divorced me. He's now engaged to her. It's nice to know I wasn't crazy.
Aww sorry he divorced you. He didn't even try to work it out with u?? Think she was a side gf ???
@@shannw0129 she was, and turns out was not the first. I'm not sorry, I was not safe with him(my heart or my head). I've prayed about, been too reconciliation and have applied for an annulment. God held my hand. I'm just happy to know brining up texting someone 1 000 of times who isn't your wife is actually what a wife is supposed to do and not ignore it.
@Pinch of Prayer Thank you for your kind words.
Jordan peterson has good stuff about divorce. God bless you
@@lifebeginsat4081 So glad you are getting an annulment. Hope he co operates , if not sure you will do well.
Something that has always helped me was advice my mom gave me growing up which is, "Don't make good things look bad."
I have very close guy friends. Some are married. But, since they were dating, I took as a rule to include their girlfriend into our friendship, even though, sometimes, they didn't want to be my friends. I always place myself in those girlfriends' and wives' shoes, because I know I hate when other women are too closed to the guy I'm dating. I don't mind friendship, but if that friendship leads to misunderstandings or to cross boundaries as if they weren't only friends, I request respect or stop dating me. That same thing I ask of my significant other, I apply to me with my guy friends and their girlfriends. They may remain close to me, but their wives or girlfriends become part of that same trust. If not, I keep my existance very, very distant to respect.
A video on jealousy would be awesome. Like how to know when you are just being jealous and how to know when you’re protecting your relationship
I'm no Christian but this is exactly the problem with modern dating these days. There are no rules. People think anything goes and if either partner isn't okay with it then they're "controlling / needy whatever..."
Everyone out there who’s okay with your bf/gf hanging out alone with the opposite sex (people they’re attracted to)… *You will get what’s coming.* All that bs about jealously, insecurity, whatever is for the birds. Have you ever met a man who’s attracted to women says - I just want to be her friend, get to know her, spend all this time and energy just to be equivalent to one of her girlfriends. At some point they’re going to attempt to capitalize on that time and energy spent.
@AustinEcon exactly. My wife and I have been married for 5 years as of this writing and we both abide by a no opposite friends policy which we both take very seriously. In the very beginning we tried to allow for opposite sex friends but it was proven to not be good for us. Our marriage improved exponentially once we completely cut those people off.
@@standground7956 Exactly! A friend of the opposite sex in the confines of a relationship/marriage causes more infidelty and affairs (emotional or physical) than any other circumstance. Don't allow it in the first place. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM IT! You are literally handing the devil the keys to your relationship/marriage by allowing this! The world viewpoint says a person is insecure, controlling, jealous, abusive, manipulative for not wanting their spouse to have any friends of the opposite sex! I CALL IT BEING PROTECTIVE OF YOUR MARRIAGE!
@@standground7956 not exactly sure what you are saying, but I male like having female friends as well. No I am not having view to have sex with my friends at all, and don't. I value friendship over anything else period, so much more valuable. Besides I don't like sex. Though I like holding hands, kissing, and cuddling, but with 1 girl only.
I agree with what you are saying. There's lots of Christians and lots of Non Christians that strongly believe in boundaries in regards to opposite sex friendships when married. A lot of times when a partner wants certain boundaries in the marriage, it's not about the partner trying to control you; it's about preventing adultery. It's extremely easy for an affair to take place when you don't have boundaries in opposite sex friendships when married.
A lot of people who have affairs didn't intentionally plan on having an affair. A lot of times when people have affairs, they say things such as "I don't know what happened", I didn't mean for this to happen; it just happened", etc. Things like this easily happen when you don't have boundaries in opposite sex friendships. When married couples have boundaries, safeguards, etc in their marriage, it significantly helps prevent affairs from happening in their marriage.
I’m not actually married so I’d love to see a video about having friends of the opposite sex when you are looking for a partner and what kind of relationships you should encourage or be wary of as you’re seeking out a spouse. Thanks! 😊
Yea I’d like that, and also one for when you’re dating, like what is appropriate for when you’re dating vs married vs single
@@Zack-bl2gg I third that
I don't like hearing that a girl I'm dating has any close male friends tbh.
I would like a video on this topic as well!!!!!! I wonder if they made one, im here 3 years later haha
Yes!!
Did anyone else melt at the little hand that crept into view to hold his/her Mama’s hand? So precious
It's just hand holding. Does that never happen in your relationships or something
I squealed with delight out loud when I saw that tiny hand.
where?
My wife told me I was just being insecure when she was texting another man 50-60 times per day and receiving gifts from him that she would hide and confiding in him and getting a 'male perspective' on our marriage. So since I was insecure and invaded her privacy, she was just done with our marriage and filed for divorce.
Yeah that is NOT ok for them to do that, they always say "you dont trust me" when they are just spreading their legs already to cover their tracks. The you dont trust me cop out is a red flag, they would let you read everything if they DID want you to trust them.
She must be already having an affair and gaslighting you. Now she has an excuse to go back to her lover and continue in the open
Thank you for these videos!
I usually share them with my 18 and 16yr old daughters.my sons are several years older.
For the longest time when I spoke to my kids about boundaries they looked at me like I had two heads or something. I come from Africa and the culture when I grew up was definitely very conservative.So my kids always thought I said these things because I was from Africa...thank you that you are a christian couple that are sharing the truth especially with our young people of today.They need to hear it from other trusted adults not just moms from Africa!
Certain parts of the world, such as major U.S. cities like New York or Los Angeles, are VERY loose sexually. Similar ideas spread among young people online, too, so on websites like Tumblr it becomes the blind leading the blind. I agree this couple and others like them are doing important work for those reasons.
I grew up fully American and we were also very conservative, my parents nor not of my friend's parents had friends of the opposite sex unless they were actually having an affair. We were brought up that you just don't do that once you're married.
Truth is truth, regardless of where the speaker is from.
Thanks for this. Transparency is the key word. It's all too easy to go from little secrets, to drifting from your spouse, to beginning a double-life.
Married or not, I've never gotten close friendships with the opposite sex to last. They always start drifting toward intimacy, and maintaining enough distance to prevent that basically means not being close friends any more.
I agree. I can honestly say I have no friends who are women. And now I'm married so I guess that serves me well.
@@fragwagon I'm going to venture to say that NO friends of the opposite sex of any kind could be an unhealthy sign. Maybe you're extraordinarily chaste, and if so, thank God. But the month will come that your wife is away, and you'll get lonely, and that's a real dangerous time to make new friends.
@@peripheralarbor I'm just about 50 years old, I don't really need any new friends. The old ones are few, but tested, sure. And they are men. Of my previous life, I do not know whether it was unhealthy or not. It probably was unhealthy, but it is certainly previous.
@@fragwagon I don't know you from Adam, but I'd encourage you and your wife to make some friends of married couples. It's certainly going to be harder in the short term, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run.
@@peripheralarbor we have married friends.
Gives me lots to think about as a single person!
I need love
We all do. That’s why God wants us to meet Him in our lives
Me, too.
I personally wouldn’t out of respect towards my husband. I may have acquaintances of the opposite sex but not the type that you text all the time or speak on the phone for hours. I wouldn’t want my husband to do that either.
Thank you. This is excellent information and I love how you both stress the importance of protecting your marriage!
In our marriage we quickly came to a very powerful way of looking at this issue and agreeing on what behavior we needed to agree on in an ironclad way. Within the first few months of our marriage we simply talked it out. What behavior on your part would upset me or make me nervous. A couple of those immediately came up for mutual agreement: since we both worked, we agreed that going to lunch with a person of the opposite sex didn’t make sense for any reason. A group work party after work, maybe, but be transparent. Special friendships were out, as was discussing our personal married life issues with anyone other than our spouse seemed like betrayal. This includes with family and same sex friends. I know my wife would feel very betrayed if she discovered I was discussing our sex life with my buddies. Discussing their marriage (opposite sex) problems also could lead to problems. About 2 years after we were married, i found myself on the U.C. Berkeley campus daily in springtime. Robin Williams had a joke routine about how some California women dress in springtime. The way he put it : “The twins come out to play”. I found myself having problems with lustful thoughts and even sharing smiles with attractive young women. It scared me enough that I prayed about it. What I got back from God was that I seriously needed to control my eyes. Regarding casual conversations with other women and what to say and not to say and what was flirting, I realized after a couple of times where I had to embarrassingly correct wrong impressions and that I had to remember that the path down where I definitely did not want to go always started with a first step. Never take a first step in a direction you don’t want to go. By controlling my eyes and conversations, I established a reputation as a safe and non predatory person for the women at work to be around. That became very important in the 60s and 70s when I had to hire and supervise a number of women in my workplace.
👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿
Communication is so vital. Not just the courage to speak up, but also to listen.
Thank you for this! I really valued both of you as a married Catholic couple sharing tips and relatable stories. This is something I battled with in dating and pray God gives my future husband and me protection especially around this topic. This topic has caused me great stress at times during dating, so it is good to hear how best to proceed when I am married, God willing soon and to the right man.
May God Bless you both and your marriage abundantly.
I am so very happy this was posted. I was at the gym and a priest and a regular guy were there working out next to me. Conversation started about affairs. I believe affairs do not start with out encouragement from a party then both parties and the priest said " Well, it just happens sometimes unknowingly" I so very much disagree. I believe neither party is innocent and that "they just happen unknowingly",
He could mean "accidentally", in terms of not intentionally, but you're right in that it takes a level of willful ignorance to miss it.
Good advice. Thank you for your ministry. Though I'm not a Catholic, I've been blessed by a lot of your videos, especially the ones on marriage.
This was very good & to the point.
People need to hear this.
I would love it if you could do another video on this topic! Thank you for everything you're doing! Your videos are so helpful!
I would love to comment on this amen! I am a 58 year old widow- i was married when i was 39 so i have spent the majority of my adult life as a single woman -- I speak with authority on this subject
I do not have friendships with married men ever!! I will go sideways even when you just say hello-- i own my own business
I have business men neighnors
Just sayong hello with a short polite conversation d
Goes sideways
Im not saying be paranoid
Its our human sexuality
God created us to be coupled
To won over someone else
Be on guard at all times
Loce yourself enough to be holy
You walk on Holy Ground
Dont contaminate it
The devil is lurking behind the door
Be lovely be holy
Be short with married men if you are a woman especially a single woman
This is my life!!
Choose your steps carefully
Remember you walk with God
You are more precious thsn rubies
"Don't get cocky, kid." - The Prophet Han Solo
I loved that part! Great video!
I love watching your videos. You guys are such a cute and strong in faith couple that it gives me hope that a really good marriage is possible.
Very good! Being attentive to your spousal relationship is not only a way to avoid falling into sin, but it's something we need to do always. Love is a choice, and "spouses" (I mean the one spouse that you or I have) are awesome!!!
Great video!! I wish I would have seen a video like this years ago. Having longtime female friends who are as close to as my own sister!
Texting my female friends almost ruined my marriage!!
👍🏽
i love your videos they are so spiritually nurturing
Bobby, you remind me of St. Joseph so much. I think Joseph treated his marriage very very similar to how you treat your’s.
Jackey, you are so vibrant. You seem so alive. It’s you’re living the resurrection. Idk if that makes sense.
It’s incredible to see you two together. There’s such a wholeness in your lives.
Thanks for the video 🤗
Great advice! Ty for these vids and God bless you both!
Thanks Bobby and Jackie!
What helps me to always keep my "professional personae" when at work, AND even at church. Always keep a certain "detachment". This "detachment" gives a pretty strong signal that my interest doesn't enter into the arena of "attraction". The nice thing is that the vast majority of people I meet are not attractive to me "in that way".. It's has only been the few that have required my self control to keep the "detached" aura on "active". I've found that the longer I've have kept my "professional personae" active the easier it gets. Also, the older I've become, the easier it gets. I'll also admit the younger I was, the more difficult the challenge was. Since you're speaking to a younger audience with the biological clocks humming along it's natural to be attracted to a larger swath of people. So, in this age of Covid with it's social distancing, don't forget "professional distancing".
I guess, the key is not to have a secret before your spouse. And not let the tamtation of becoming more than a friend control you. If you do that everything is fine.
Yes please do another video! Love this so much!
Glad to hear this message, since I already have a lot of good female friends and I was worried I would somehow have to end all those good and chaste friendships in order to honor my future marriage. It helps to know that it's not a bad thing, just so long as some reasonable boundaries are in place.
Although you should be willing to give them up if your future spouse isn’t comfortable with your opposite gender friendships.
exactly,.,,,and willing and eager to put those boundaries in place out of your love and respect for your future gf..coz if you dont..those besties will get sued t it how it is now and once you get a good woman as your gf, they will act all jealous @@rickh6347
This is how it is supposed to look like. Bravo
I love this! We started some films about chastity in polish (Czas na czystosc- Time for chastity). Greetings from Poland! God bless!
Thank you! This is a great video!
Great video. I'm very friendly, so I have very few opposite sex friends.. and I prefer to see them when I'm with my husband💗 (or in a group at least)
This is a HUGE issue today happened to me... and lots of my friends
My husband and I love flirting with each other
Great video I never really thought of how my future spouse would react to me having so many close female friends. Now I know how to prepare
Max Schroeder Productions she’ll hate it
I would venture to say that the nearer you get to drawing those lines now, the nearer you'll get to finding your spouse. God bless you in that pursuit.
Dear Jackie and Bobby I live in a very different culture, in Argentina, and we like very much to hug each other or kiss, I don't think it's wrong or sinful in any way. I love when Jackie says "you are my best friend"!!! Blessings for both of you from BA
would you continue to kissing a male friend even if his significant other is uncomfortable with it? Or when you find out he is no longer single? How about respecting people and treating them APPROPRIATELY? I mean, you can kiss and touch - touch your own bf/husband, right?
Great Advice! Thanks and God Bless ya'll! :)
everything you described here is true to my situation. had an intense friendship with a married man. he shared intimate information with me, rather than fixing his desolate marriage, was insecure and therefore bathing in my appreciation for him (he is much much higher in hierarchy in the workplace, also in intelligence and age). although his faith in god is very high, he crossed boundary after boundary. i wasn't able to look his wife in the eyes again, unable to still be friends with her. after many months of this kind of "friendship" .. "it just happened" .. i still try to atone for my sins and try to be a good person, and also try to actively improve my own broken relationship.. it's a mess...
Beautiful Madonna and Child in the background!! Where from? Great and smart advice!
Excellent topic, good advice. I agree.
Great advice from a lovely couple!
"I don't touch anyone." That right there is the cure to opioid/porn/almost any other kind of addiction, meaning teach yourself how to deal with boredom and monotony long enough to create something truly magical and enduring. Great video....
I needed this.. thank you
Hello!! I loved this video, and i wanted to know more about friendships when you're in a marriage.
Friendships of the same gender, does that change too? The importance of it, and what should they look like!
I just spoke up to my husband about his coworker who was here last night for a cookout. I had name off every little thing bother but it was after I able to calm down first and the devil he is not invited to my feelings or what I'm dealing with. It was hard because I'm an introvert. But he understood. So now I just need to keep calm and speak up.
Such wonderful advice !
I think friend is a term used to loosely in today’s culture. I question a man that says he has a lot of female friends. I’m young, but maybe too old school. I don’t believe you can just be friends with opposite sex. You can have a good working relationship. But really? You have a day off and you your wife is working. Instead of hanging out with a fellow bud, your gonna spend the day with a female? Whatever. These guys probably know more about where to get a pedicure than they do about changing the oil on their truck, fixing a plumbing leak at the house, or which 30’06 Ammo is on sale right now! Man up!
Beautifully said :)
This is something that I had to learn, I was single for a long time and I had a lot of friends from the opposite sex and it was pretty normal for me to have lunch with those friends in groups or alone. I had a small argument with my boyfriend coz I had lunch alone with my guy friend, which I didn't really think much of, until my boyfriend pointed out and made me realize that I shouldn't be having lunch alone with another guy. It was a challenge for me to set those boundaries with those guy friends I have but I understand that I am no longer single and decisions I make are not only affecting me but my significant other as well
The key to any relationship, romantic or not, is simply communication. As long as both friends of the opposite sex communicate what the relationship is and keep God at the center there is no room for anyone to get hurt
I bet you would find the HONEST answer from 99% of men is never to have opposite sex friends when you're in a relationship! Because most men wait their turn in the friend zone, and if you asked a "guy friend" of your's and he said yes, well, he's keeping his cover. The other 1% are men that like other men and are genuinely not attracted on that level.
An ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend are not counting as friends. We are talking about female and male friends from childhood, from school or high school or even from work. The big problem here is that anglosaxons don't know what a truly friendship is and means, don't knok what a truly healtly marriage is and means and are not able to set healthly boundaries among these concepts.
Great advice! Thank you!
Hi guys, thanks for this video. Can I pick the next topic of conversation for you? It's this: Who gets to choose what to put on the mantel? The man or the woman? And taking it one step further, whose house is it anyway? His? Hers? Is she living in his house or is he living in her house? Did they buy it together 50/50 straight down the middle and pay it down equally to the penny? If it's his house and she lives in his house, is it proper that the woman fills it with all sorts of stuff of her preference? (e.g., candles that are seldom if ever used, frames, pillows, vases, feminine knick knacks, flowery stuff, etc.) If it's her house, is it even proper for a man to live in a woman's house anyway? Let's get the discussion rolling! Thanks! Looking forward to your replies...
good idea!!!! but - no reactions!? they don't interact with viewers
@@AmericanDreamer Thanks, AmericanDreamer, for your response -- the only one since I posted four months ago. So, what are your thoughts?
God bless you two.....Awesome
I feel when your friends with the opposite sex,theres always an underlying sexual tension there. It's ok if you have the same friends.
Well, at least one one parties side. Maybe not always, but majority of the time, for sure.
Please do a video on jealousy. God bless you
Yes 100%...good job
This is awesome! 👍🏻
I told my wife she was being inappropriate when she was flirting with a sales guy and out of the blue gave him a $25 dollar gift card to a nearby restaurant down near where she works. She broke into tears, she was so upset. Even after 30 years of marriage we are still trying to define our boundaries. She is used to flirting with all the boys, not really appropriate. Communication with her about this is extremely difficult, that's the hard part. When she flirts with the guys it makes me feel so dirty.
If you don't feel like you can text a person without telling your/their spouse, that person is not your friend. You can absolutely have opposite sex friendships without having to put those kinds of restrictions up. Your spouse should know your friends, you shouldn't hide the fact that you talk to them, and you certainly shouldn't make them your confidante before your spouse, but you should feel free in your friendships.
My parents have been married for 31 years. My mother's best friend is a man. They regularly talk on the phone, have dinner alone together, hug each other, anything you would do with someone who is your FRIEND. My father knows there is nothing to worry about, and my mother doesn't give him anything to worry about by being secretive or shady.
You have to know yourself, and if you develop a crush on that person you should certainly put up boundaries. You should even know what boundaries you'll put up before feelings develop just in case. But just as you can have same sex friendships because you don't view that person as a sexual object, you should be able to have opposite sex friendships with the same understanding.
Great video.
Could you guys talk more about going through an opposite sex friendship when it comes to it changing after marriage or a romantic relationship? I know that’s something I’m struggling with coming to terms with in my own life and I understand why it is, but it’s hard to accept.
I struggle with this as a single man as well. I try to be there for my female friends and not send the wrong signals, but there has been more than once instance where she has caught feelings and I did not feel the same way. I don't even know how to alter my approach, because I am just naturally a very loving person.
Bro for one were naturally self centered, " the best of men are men at best," and you yourself don't got to anything, you refer the person to another capable opposite sex individual. Don't need to lead a women on even unintentionally. Im speaking from expierence. Thanks
Not all friendships - for the sake of a friendship - should feel like they will automatically become a product of a scandal.
The husband is definitely not liking or comfortable within himself when the wife is talking and explaining this issue. He is dead serious about this subject... on the other hand the wife is taking a light hearted funny approach about it all.
So important this
Men see relationships as physical and women value emotion. So guys don’t think twice about having a female friend if there’s no sex. But females will see that same relationship as infidelity because it becomes about emotion. There’s obviously some connection. So be careful.
Good topic. I had several friends of the opposite sex. I handled them by always including my husband, with either him coming with us, or where he didn't I discussed the details with my husband by letting him know ahead of time, & telling him how it went afterward. There was never any flirting. My husband had no problem, but bc some of the friendships were workplace in origin, I had 2 male friends I've known for years, & altho they would mention their wives in conversations, I never met them. We weren't really doing anything much social together, just the occasional lunch or text, so not meeting their wives was just that the occasion never happened. Regardless, I always felt uneasy that the friendship might make their wives uncomfortable & never knew how to handle that. It inhibited me from including those 2 male friends more. Could you discuss how to get past this?
This is an excellent and informative video. I believe that adultery is morally wrong. I believe it's important to be extremely cautious in regards to opposite sex friendships. I think it's very important to have reasonable safeguards in opposite sex friendships when you're married since without safeguards in opposite sex friendships when you're married, it's extremely easy for an affair to take place even if you didn't intentionally plan on having an affair. I believe there's nothing wrong with married people having opposite sex friends, but it's important to have reasonable safeguards, boundaries, etc in opposite sex friendships to help prevent affairs from occurring in your marriage.
Good reasonable safeguards to have in regards to opposite sex friendships when you're married are not having opposite sex friendships that are "too close" (what I mean by "too close" is talking on the phone every day for personal reasons, talking on the phone every day for personal reasons several times a day, going out to lunch together just the 2 of you 3-5 times a week, etc), not going over an opposite sex friend's house when they are home alone, not inviting an opposite sex friend over your house when you're home alone, never going on vacation alone with someone of the opposite sex that isn't your spouse or a relative, never going out to restaurants, ball games, concerts, etc alone with someone of the opposite sex that isn't your spouse or a relative, and not discussing marriage problems with opposite sex friends alone.
I think it's best, ideal, etc for a married person to hang out with opposite sex friends in group settings such as birthday parties, cookouts, group events, group activities, church fellowship dinners, group picnic events, etc.
I think if a married man is having marriage problems, he should talk to his trusted and level headed male friends about his marriage problems and/or married couples that he knows that have good marriages instead of talking to a female friend alone about his marriage problems. Married men shouldn't talk to female friends alone about marriage problems because that can easily lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment, which can easily lead to an affair. If a married man is having marriage problems and talks to a female friend alone about his marriage problems, and the female friends comforts him, helps him, supports him, etc, it can easily lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment, which can easily lead to an affair.
I think if a man has a female platonic best friend and the man gets married, the man can still be friends with the platonic female friend, but he can't be best friends with her anymore and he can't hang out with her in the same way he did before he was married. If a man gets married, his wife is supposed to be his best friend that's a woman.
Keep up the great work with your videos. I wish you the best.
Can y’all make the videos with Spanish subtitles. Love your videos and I’m sure a lot of my friends would appreciate it them if only they understood English. I’ve been trying to translate but it’s not the same :/
This is a very difficult topic. For myself, although I've never had a long-term relationship, I have felt like I've had at least two or three girlfriends. The reason being is that I became emotionally attached to these girls who were only interested in platonic relationships with me. As you can imagine, this caused problems, whether it was wanting to flirt or compliment the friend in a way only a boyfriend would, or even looking down on the actual boyfriend for what I felt was a failing in his duty to his girlfriend.
The easy answer is to just hold all female friends out at the same distance that I hold all my male friends. Unfortunately, that's not very easy as I am attracted to them, I'm available, they're (usually) available, and I can't help trying to help them or make myself available to them because of my desire. I also feel like it's horribly impersonal, and I just don't know how to balance such things. The other problem is that if a girl is just straight up not available to me for whatever reason, I'd just prefer not to have her around so that that temptation or desire is gone.
In some ways this is true of same sex friends. You shouldn’t be hiding stuff from your spouse or talking bad about them to your friends at all. I’ve found that it doesn’t matter their sex. My husband is my best friend. Why would I hide something from him? Surprises for him are about it and even then they are gone into knowing that they will be revealed.
Yesssss bobby, don’t touch anyone☝🏽 😂
So true. The first thing that started to go was communication and then I was finding that my husband was finding emotional attractions to "friends" that crossed the line. When we went to couples counseling we had to re learn how to communicate with each other. Now we can both tell when one or the other is holding back on communication
The best part about being married is that I get to tell my best friend in the world everything. Nothing is real until I tell my husband.
I have a lot of male friends and he has a lot of female friends and we both know where not to cross the line
I'm finding that with some women especially on social media they make it very tempting for man to stay within the boundaries of their marriage and don't know when not to cross the line with a married man. It's almost like a challenge for them to get the married man.
absolutely. and, unfortunately, that " challenge" applies on some married women as well, trying to see if they can get a man leave his relationship for her...just to boost her ego ..not that there's genuine love.
This is an excellent argument for religious celibacy.
Thank you for your ministry and very clear teaching. I am in the middle of divorce. What do you say about a spouse who talks with their mother every day about problems in her marriage but will not address it with her husband.
I think that would be okay, if you're at the point of divorce. (I'm assuming you did try to work things out with your spouse by talking before jumping to divorce). Even in a good marriage, i'd still talk to my Mom. If things are good or bad, we need to talk to someone at times, wether it be to vent or get advice. As long as you are being truthful about the issues, and doing your best to not be one-sided/bashing the other person, but factual about an issue I don't see why it is a problem. God Bless you!
Morgan, taking private issues outside of the marriage is a violation of trust.
I don’t trust no one I only trust God , My Parents and one friend and the woman 👩🏼 who done me wrong I pray they don’t feel the betrayal keep pushing my brothers
Woohoo Mr. Angel!
We have had mutual opposite sex (typically married) friends but we avoid opposite sex friends if we both do not know them. Use common sense. Always act as if what you say and do can be heard by your spouse that you respect. Also unfriend ppl who don’t have similar values aka poly couples or anyone who shows a sexual interest in your spouse that they try to pursue. We all know who has crushes on our spouses, it’s pretty easy to spot. I would even go a step further to coworkers and classmates, avoid relationships that could possibly make you slip. Again, not everyone has the same morals and boundaries you do. I have gone to university and had single friends I worked out with who ended up being major flirts and had to end that relationship. My husband has had women at work try to email him and flirt and he’s had to put those relationships to an end. Also communicate with your spouse a lot about your feelings and what you find appropriate and what you don’t. We will have been married 19 years in a couple months. 🥰
I have to imagine an acceptable secret would be if you planned a surprise party for your spouse's birthday or your anniversary, though those would cease to be a secret after the party
I'm saddened to say that setting boundaries in friendship isnt even accepted in the modern world today. People are just not going to understand from this lens. I feel bad because in order to find a husband, I want to set myself up with good habits like not hanging out with guy friends 1 on 1. I feel as though my childhood friendship is getting hit negatively because of this boundary im putting up . Its not that I dont trust my friend, but It really is out of respect for who im going to marry that I want to make it glaringly obvious that its just a friendship. And part of that is not hanging out 1on1 all the time
@celestessel4500 A friend of the opposite sex in the confines of a relationship/marriage causes more infidelty and affairs (emotional or physical) than any other circumstance. Don't allow it in the first place. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM IT! You are literally handing the devil the keys to your relationship/marriage by allowing this! The world viewpoint says a person is insecure, controlling, jealous, abusive, manipulative for not wanting their spouse to have any friends of the opposite sex! I CALL IT BEING PROTECTIVE OF YOUR MARRIAGE!
Some people have suggested that males have no interest in "innocuous" relationships with females or that having a female friend would be, at least, a continuous risk. I guess we should open a parenthesis here. Not sure if that is how it should be... but there are women men simply do not consider attractive at all and they may befriend such women cause of common interests or because she is a nice human being. Such women are like male friends.
Wives should consider this.
👀
I love the video. If there is attraction, there is danger but where there is no attraction I believe there is no danger. Not every men and women feel attracted to each other.
hello could you have a video on how to not give the wrong impression to someone( because you just want to be friends) Should i not hug people? please let me know thank you
Awesome ....
You are both beautiful on the inside and the outside
Oh mannnn this relationship has deep routed unspoken truths.
I recommend Esther Perel ASAP!!!
Lady ... you need to NOT publicly speak for your husband and tell him ‘what you’re like’ .... just LOOK at his reaction to your assumptions and imposed profile!
What about when the one person you want to tell everything too does not listen to you to give advice but to chastise..
My husband had a woman confiding things about her marriage to my husband (who is not a pastor or counselor) and then wanted to tell me about it so that I would feel pressured to be OK about it. She should not be having that 1 on 1 with my husband as "friend". Not cool. My husband and her husband brought it to an end. Very sad for them in the end.
I'm glad that your husband and her husband addressed this! If I was your husband, I would have told her husband immediately and let him deal with his wifes lack of boundaries.
hahaha you two are the best.
Spot on! IMO, married or not, unless you guys have it like that where you understand each other, set boundaries, and DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP, I don't think men and women can be "just friends". There's usually one person that wants more than what the other is willing to give. Everyone knows someone who's done this or they know they've been guilty of it.
I was struggling with this in my last relationship with a Catholic girl. My gf at the time often talked about this dude whom she knew for a while and he supposedly helped her get out of her own way when she was going through a horrible break up (prior to meeting me). And they had plenty in common. Admittedly, it pissed me off a bit because here's this white knight whom she speaks so highly of and I began feeling out of place. I thought it was disrespectful because I didn't go around talking that damn highly of my female friends to her because she'd probably question how I felt about her. I started to feel unsure if I was enough for this woman whenever she'd bring him up. Although she told me she only viewed him as a friend only (which for a good woman usually means she isn't messing around), this dude's actions before and during my relationship with her led me to believe that he was waiting in the wings and wanted to be more than "just friends". In any case, I'm open to hearing any opinions you guys may have.
hey, Mufi, are you still with her?
@@AmericanDreamer I prefaced my comment with "in my last relationship" so I'm most certainly not with this person anymore.
I have a question for Fr. Mike= can good come from bad things? Spiritually in terms of an event/occasion?
Brandon Carty read the story of Joseph. In particular check out Genesis 50:20
Hello! I have been told it takes months before you can be exclusive, but here you're saying after the third date? Could you elaborate re timing and when you should be exclusive? Please :)