Ooh this video hit hard. 40 is when I learned I had cancer. 42 is when I learned it had returned and I was now stage 4. I'm terrified I won't live long enough to write all the books in my head. I'm scared to start a new series for fear I won't be able to finish it and will let readers down. But I also want to keep living as best I can and keep following my dreams for however long I'm here. I used to fear growing older - now it's my #1 goal.
You're going to be here a while. I believe it. You have a lot left to do. I think Dia did too, but on the other hand she was such an ethereal soul that maybe she was more needed on another plane of existence or something. *HUGS*
When my grandma had her triple Bypass at age 75 and I saw her for the first time after - I noticed the scar on her sternum (well, on the skin above it) she saw, were my eyes went and said "yes, that surgery Ruins your Dekolleté, but your grandfather still is attracted to me, so everything is fine." And she giggled. I learned two things that day. You are never too old for a little vanity. You are never losing your pretty privilege with the important people. My grandma is 93 now, visibly so. And still, she is beautiful.
My "But ... I was young yesterday" moment came when people applied for joɓs in my office who were born the same year the first Lord of the Ring Movie came out. 😂
This really hit hard. My dad passed away a year ago, and I found an unfinished book on his iPad. Aristotle said that the greatest of all the good things was contemplation/thinking, because it was the one thing any man could do regardless of privilege, or if a tyrant locked up a man in a dungeon for the rest of his life, and all his posessions were stripped from him. I think telling stories to ourselves count as one of them too. I count you most noble for sticking with this pursuit. Thank you for sharing 😢
I recently turned 25 and had a (very premature) little crisis about some of these topics and, the main thing I’m taking from this video is just how important it is to show up as authentically as possible. I’m going to make that my biggest goal / North Star and continue prioritizing meaningful interactions. Thank you I love your channel sm
I'm 35 and just beginning to take my writing seriously. Your videos inspire me. I've always felt "old" though in a way, even as a kid, because I was born with vacterl association aka a lot of medical issues. So growing up disabled i've ended up relating to a lot of old people from a young age. Of course now at 35 I feel like i'm 15 but... life is weird. Also i'm not expected to live to 80. I am in my midlife already. I was married. They passed away in 2021 at age 41. I'm the one with the medical issues... i'm the one still alive. One never really knows. While I am here I want to write, because I have stories in my soul. I want to be me and I want to be happy. Whether that's for another year, or a few more decades.
I'm 43. It didn't even hit me on my 40th birthday but in the last year it has. My good friend died from cancer 2 years ago, we were the same age. I realize I am closer to death and that I have wasted half of my life working useless jobs that I mostly hate (that is if I even live until my 80's). You articulate how I feel very well! I always wished I was a better speaker. Great video, thank you.
I am about to turn 37. Still single, still unpopular, thankfully not alone and doing ok on the health and economy department. I liked this video, it really spoke to me. After 37 years of constant failures and disappointments, I actually feel pretty good now. Just as you said, things change the older you become and weirdly enough, it is only until now that I feel prepared to chase my dreams and to just enjoy the ride, instead of being paralyzed with the fear of failure and criticism. Cheers!
I am a middle-aged person (a few years older than you) and have been starting to feel it physically and mentally. It really is alarming because you think of yourself in the "young adult" category for so long and then it seems like all of a sudden you're like "what the hell, I'm 45?!" I really think it's amazing that you know what you want to say and accomplish and you kind of have a path at least outlined, so I guess I'm going to have to tune in so I can watch it all unfold. You can do it! All this makes me wish we had relatable fantasy writers on CZcams back in the 90s, because teenage me would have appreciated you, too.
I just wanted to say that I love your video's and your honesty. I am a self pub author, first book released in 2017 ... and three books later I am still doing this. It was hard writing those books with a full time job. I don't know how I did it. It's been my dream to be a writer, since I was a teen but when I WAS a teen I never thought that you could make a living from it. As crazy as that seems given all the books I was reading. Well, I'm forty-six now and I quit my job this year to write full time with the support of my hubby, and I hope to release books like crazy next year. That's the plan. Life is short.
Those first nature shots were giving me Edna St Vincent Millay vibes. 👍 Love the deep stuff. I am 65 and I tell you this: the bloom of youth is still with you. 🦋🦋🦋 PS 50th birthday was very hard. Only realized in hindsight that it was responsible for a week of horrendous moods. Lol
"...but I can guarantee that I will not care, when I leave this life, how many Manga were on my shelf" OOF... After my dad died in 2022 (when I was 40) something in me broke/shifted. In the weeks after his death I wanted NOTHING. I threw away/donated bag after bag of stuff I'd collected (mostly thrifting-my addiction!). He had been a rare/antiquarian book collector and something about watching someone collect all these items and then just...die...hit me too hard. I hope this doesn't come across as trauma dumping...just agreeing that my memories of him, and the time we spent together, mean so much more to me than the books I'm now surrounded by.
@@annemorph Bless you, I agree.... it is so sad. I do really hope you have had a LOVELY 42nd Birthday! 🎈🎈And have many more with things, People/ Pets you genuinely care for.
I was a novel writer as a teen, and went to business school, and now a CZcamsr with millions of views by combining both worlds. It is all possible as long as you dare to dream!
This one hit hard. I'm 35, 36 in a month's time, and I haven't really been able to take any of my artistic passions seriously due to life just lifing a lot these past years. This video is a great reminder to really stop and think about what things are most important to me and deserve my focus. To practice the arts of embracing and of letting go. Thank you.
I have no idea who you are, what books you’ve written or anything else about you other than what you just elucidated, but I had a smile on my face the whole way through your video and have subbed and queued up a bunch more of your content. Your brain, heart and soul shine through with a joy for life and sober understanding of life’s lessons and limitations. Look forward to more. 😊
the other day i had this thought. i said, i dont need three sheep as much as i want them. i dont want to learn how to care for them, build their housing needs, etc. I just want to sit in my room and finally write my stories. i really appreciate this video and the insight. i fear my own mortality and this is it.
I love this video. Thank you for being so honest & real (a rare thing online!) ha :) I’ve gone through various “phases” in my creative/adult life - I was a professional illustrator for a decade, then designed kids’ books for many years, became a foster parent for awhile, tried my hand at writing (self-published 2 novels), etc. In a few days I’m turning 50 and I feel like I have so many more things I want to do… How can I be turning 50?!? I still dream of fantasy worlds & wanna play D&D with friends and act like a kid… wtf!! Anyway, yeah, i can relate to a lot of what you’re talking about… :)
I started my new channel at 43. Wasn’t sure where I wanted to take it. But animal rescue and Subaru camping seem to be the thing. So, I’m trying to find how I’m going to do this. What stops me is being judged by people BUT it’s going to happen regardless. So here I go. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. 🐾
We appreciate you and your honesty, and your candor. You're only a few years older than me (I'm closer to 39 than 38) so I'll say you give off quirky big sister vibes! And within the last three months, two of my dad's closest friends who were like uncles to me passed away. It's weird and scary to accept that we just don't live forever. So I'm going to make the most of the time I have. I'm done waiting for perfect conditions, so I'm going to make life fall in line and achieve what I want.
GOOD GRAVY! I just discovered your channel and I am so thankful to find an over 40 content creator. My YT feed is full of youngin's and it's hard to relate to the commentary about how dating on TikTok sucks. Or even, a lot of "over 40" channel search results are like "How to dress when you're over 40", "makeup tips for mature skin - over 40". Like I'm not quite the crypt keeper and I have my own personal style.... it's rough out here being a 40+ lady who watches YT all day. All of that to say THANK YOU and please keep going!!!
I’m 31, and I do think I had a shift in how I saw myself and life when I turned 30 at the end of 2022. When I realised nothing bad, drastic, or life changing happens when you’re no longer in your 20s, it did feel liberating! I’m much more comfortable with who I am and don’t concern myself with how others perceive me as much. My life direction is much clearer now too!
Yes! I turned 30 last year and felt the same way. I thought I would suddenly become an adult and figure out what I want with my life, but all I feel instead is just an inner peace that life is just this. Hours, days, months, years on this earth and we don’t know how many of them we get to have. Suddenly they’ll all be gone and I would much rather have spent them slowly at peace savouring each moment and than rushing for some future that I don’t even know will ever happen. I also feel that I can be more authentic and live according to my values now. This is my life and it’s worth more to me that I live it the way I want than the shame I would feel of people maybe looking down on me for my life choices.
@@Slowbeginnings the authenticity thing is absolutely fantastic!! Peace is such an important feeling honestly, I believe it’s the most pure and authentic manifestation of happiness. And that’s so true, planning for the future is all well and good but no one ever really knows for sure how long they have. Realising that caused a shift in my understanding of aging. Everyone gets to be young but not everyone has the privilege of living a long time. I think of growing old and living a long life as a blessing. Our time here is so beautifully brief. Life’s there to be enjoyed, savoured, live your life in the way that makes you the happiest! 🩷
I love this discussion. I have also been realizing that inner peace is often more valuable than grand plans...although sure I have some of those, but I've been getting WAY more content with less. And it feels incredibly liberating. Awesome for you to realize that at 30.
@@lidiyafoxgloveauthor aww omg thank you for responding, I have a great deal of respect for you and love your content 🥹 so true, I have plans and aspirations, I think it’s important to have those to help add structure and direction in life, but more so than that I think it’s good to have a growth mindset, to learn and become better as you walk through life. Even if that growth isn’t as drastic as other people’s, learning to not compare myself to everyone else has gone a long way toward self-acceptance and knowing this is my own individual journey.
I love your content. You make me feel ok with life. Like I'm talking to a really good friend. Thank you for these! As for deep convos, I think living a life where we always want to do more is one of the greatest blessings out there. 'The endless pursuit of magic,' is what I like to call it. So long as we are happy with our efforts, the result won't be what we remember most in the end. It'll be how much fun we had getting here. That awareness comforts me. ...in my brief, non-nuerotic perfectionist moments 🙃😆 One day. These stories will escape my head I swear 🙃
Its really interesting to see this perspective, as someone who's on the younger side (and has been perpetually been considering my own mortality). Growing up, I never thought I would get to this age, so I feel strangely old for being a young adult, if that makes any sense. I never thought this far ahead, so seeing how much hope and promise there is in the following decades is incredibly inspiring. It makes me so happy to see that you never toned down your fashion taste or stopped following your passions, as a lot of people I know in real life have done. I'm really glad you decided to start this channel, your videos are always so delightful and comforting.
I'm also in the perpetually considering my own mortality club. I was a very gloomy child and teenager and it's part of the reason I escaped into my own fantasy world that had a lot of "cozy goth" elements. And I had zero risk-taking streak. (That remains true...) To be fair to everyone else re: clothes, I have been very lucky with fashion in that I've stayed the same size, which definitely makes it MUCH easier to curate a wardrobe. But with that said...I know it's pretty unusual to really go for a distinct style. I can't really imagine just settling for basic fast fashion.
I watch all your videos, and my 27 year old son sometimes watches with me. He was shocked to learn you're in your 40s. All this time, he thought you were in your 20s. xo
I can so relate to your words and experiences. I don't know whether I could do a CZcams channel myself but i've watched a few of your videos and I like your honesty and how you say things many people feel but wouldn't be confident in saying out loud themselves. I guess that's why they talk about people who have a midlife crisis at around 45, but then for some life begins at 40. I'm a creative introvert too but at present my husband doesn't support my creative endeavors and I find it very hard not to be able to do the things I enjoy. Thank you for sharing.
Ms. Lidiya, you just got yourself a new subscriber. This somehow hits me in a deeper level. I'll be turning 32 this year and ya'll, quarter life crisis is NOT cute! I have this sense of urgency that I should have a published book by now especially since I started writing "seriously" when I was 16-years old. Adulting is hard :')
I just turned 40, and I have been thinking about when my shift in thinking would start. When would I feel my age! I still think I'm 30 or so, maybe that's embarrassing, I should be more mature! I have always been daydreaming about stories and characters and wanted to finish a novel but I always used the excuse I didn't have time. Homeschooling 3 daughters over the last 16 years has kept me busy, and now I am finally feeling like I have more free time to write. Inspired by this video, I believe I can start something new even if I am middle aged. Thank you for starting your CZcams channel. I have enjoyed all your videos!!
I'm also 42 ❤️ So much of this is relatable; the past year or so has definitely been a season of re-evaluating priorities; my mother's health has been failing the past few years and took a sharp downturn this winter, leading to her passing last month. So I spent a lot of the winter thinking about my own mortality a lot, given that my health already isn't great (there's not a lot of diagnosable issues yet but I've been weak for most of my life and I think perimenopause kicked a lot of my underlying issues into overdrive. I also get winter depression so badly (and winter feels like half the year here in Ontario). It feels hard to hold onto goals that I used to have; doing anything big feels unmanageable/impossible, and doing anything small often feels pointless. But I'm still trying to do the small things, very slowly, because they're better than nothing. Hopefully someday I'll find something that helps and feel up to working on some of the many projects in my head that feel impossible to start. Anyway, sorry for the ramble but your channel is a comfort so thanks for your videos :)
I'm 37 and, Lady, you are preaching to the choir! I have been struggling with all of this over the last year or so (due to unfortunate genetics, my hair undyed is 60% grey which doesn't help...). Hearing you say everything you covered makes me feel less alone. ❤
Yes, I definitely have more grey hair than CZcams lighting usually shows... it's not at that tipping point where it's SUPER noticeable yet, but I see it about to crash on me. But I really want to appreciate all the benefits of getting older & not be bothered by that stuff! I'm glad it helped you feel less alone!
I'm two years younger than you and I'm SO grey. I colour it atm because I'm just too vain but if I didn't, I'd be half grey. I'm glad I get to age, I know it's a privilege, but there are days where I wish it wasn't so visible😅
What a beautiful video! It's tuff getting older when you still feel like a kid inside. I agree, when you realize the actuality of limited time left on this gorgeous earth, the number of years that you are, your physical age, becomes minimally important, and gratitude for the simplicity of just being alive is the most important thing. I have always felt that we are all kids in big people bodies.
Thank you for being here and for sharing such authentic, relatable thoughts! I’m 29 and have had so much loss and grief over these past 3 years, so I can connect with so much of what you’re saying. I feel like grief has shaped so much of who I am and how I experience life. And it’s helped me decide how I want to live. 🖤 Age is seriously only a number-we’re all in this life together, feeling so many of the same things and yearning for connection. I so appreciate your realness, and I find solace in knowing I’m not the only one feeling melancholy and desire for more in life. 🖤
I turned 42 this year and this hit home a lot. I'm a dyslexic writer who's afraid I will never be good enough because of it. You're inspiring me to keep trying even if it is hard because I'm also afraid of passing away and never publishing. Thank you for sharing your story.
This video was a breath of fresh air. I'm a new-ish subscriber, and I'm so grateful to find quality videos from someone in my peer group (36 feeling fearless about crone-dom). I'm also a manga nerd, and until recently I felt "guilty" about enjoying manga after being told I was "TOO OLD" to read it 😂
I'm glad you started your channel, it's not fun having all the same types as role models. I agree that there is an aspect of being freed by ageing. You reminded me that we only have time to really pursue a few things, and if we are using too much time on our appearance, or consumerism, then we may be missing out on using the time to create what we really want to 'leave behind'.
It does bring me comfort to see someone that has been authentic to themselves throughout their life and keeps going. You remind me of Grimes like if she was a writer. I went through many things in my life that made me untrust myself and want to change and become like society wanted EVERYONE to be... big mistake. There's nothing more beautiful than oneself... I got very lost and I'm still trying to recuperate my me. My me-ness hahah if that's a word... Lot of pain, lot of losses, lot of trauma and desperation... I guess it wasn't all my fault, but... seeing someone like you that is soooo you it's just the best... sigh... (L)
Wow. This was an amazing video. I'm a few years older than you and everything you said about aging/40's really resonated with me. I still feel young, I dress young-ish, I listen to new music (as well as stuff from mine and my parents' eras). The internet makes it easy to keep up with the cultural zeitgeist, language & ideas that younger generations are using, etc. I don't *feel* old. But I do feel more confident in myself. When problems come along, I'm like, "This is nothing compared to what I've dealt with in the past." Everything feels doable, if not easy. Problems feel more solvable instead of feeling like an unscalable wall. I know I can handle it because I've already been to Hell and back---this is nothing! The 40's are also definitely a time of letting go of what other people think. I'll begin to worry about what people will think/say about X and then suddenly it occurs to me, "Oh yeah, I really don't care." 😂 I hear this gets even stronger in your 50's and beyond. I'm looking forward to future decades of giving no f***s! In my 30's I dealt with some major health issues and withdrew from my social life, out of necessity. But now I'm beginning a season of making connections. I feel I'm now better equipped to chose the right people to nurture close relationships with. I also want to make connections that will help people & leave the world a better place than I found it. Here's to floating gracefully toward crone-dom!
I am a 36 year old and crying over this video. I always hear that life gets better every decade and I really hope so because I am struggling. I feel like I am on the precipice of something.
I know I'm going to watch this video over again (probably more than once)so I can ponder your wise words. Your videos bring me so much comfort and joy. When I've had a really overstimulating day at work and I feel like having a meltdown I really love crawling into bed and watching one of your videos. It's just nice to know you exist. 😊 thanks.
I’ve been falling in love with your personality, your way of expressing yourself makes me want to watch more of your content and the books. I think about death constantly, so this video was weirdly refreshing to me. I always feel terrified I’m behind, and I feel a bit comforted on the experience you have, also on your demeanor. You make want to read the Emily novels, I will add them to my TBR. Thank you so much for creating in general, and also videos, I think it touches many hearts.
YES TO ALL OF THIS! I am 47 and feel all of these things. Thank you for saying it all out loud. Also, filming in front of your manga collection made me subscribe instantly 😂
I'm 35 (the avatar is 10 years old) and because I have never been conventionally attractive and have always been fat, never liked makeup, etc. I feel like each new grey hair fills me with curiosity and a little excitement? I feel like I have more apprehension about my skin and wrinkles, but... Certain parts of "Cronedom" I feel like running headlong into it asap. I even joke that my life was so sad, that's why I have a perma-frown crease-- but that I can't wait to start working on my laugh lines! 😁
I really like the realness of talking about deathbed perspective. Like , what you want to feel proud or happy about when you die. I want to think about that more. As for milestones of age, I think at 30, I realized that I wasn't "young and stupid" anymore and that meant that I needed to take more care to protect young people. Young people in the same jobs as me sort of became my honorary children in my head. I butted heads with so many managers and coworkers, especially men, who would act predatory toward high school students ... And idk, I was filled with a sort of "parental responsibility" with nowhere to put it but those coworkers and my cats. (Childless by choice.) At 35, I'm making MAJOR therapeutic breakthroughs and finally healing some DEEP childhood wounds, which has me feeling a little like, "Wow, I've never been Myself before, and now that's all I want to BE! No more bullshit, just True Me!"
I’m 47 and have outlived several of my closest friends from high school. I also have lived longer than one of my grandfathers. This stuff gives me pause and I am still sort of grieving the eventual end, however far in the future that may be. Growing old is a privilege indeed.
I am 52, started menopause at COVID and couldnt tell if the awful heat in the middle of Walmart was because of masking or hot flashes... 😂 Ive lost 3 Moms in the last 2 years since then (my Step-Mom, Mother-In-Law, and my own Mama) - I dont think any of them saw it coming... I dont think that is entirely avoidable, but Im glad at 52 to have gained that perspective, knowing tomorrow is never guaranteed. Im glad you are sharing your confidence in age and authenticity. You still have a lot to offer the world - and Im glad for your youtube adventure, that we can join you for the ride. ❤
i felt this video in my bones. Im a tiny bit younger than you but i find myself in a similar place. Also, you might've just given me that last push i needed to start my youtube channel. Thank you, i hope i get to keep watching your content as long as possible.,
I started a new phase of my life at the age of 28 after a long term relationship and left my career as a Lawyer. Now I'm 31 and still feel extremely lost. Every day. Listening to you is calming, sweet and you make me feel relaxed. Thank you.
I already commented but here I am again, to the part where you said “Maybe something happened in the zeitgeist.” I think so. I think the pandemic happened and for the first time SO MANY autistic people realized how long they had been running on fumes, and it was like when you buy one of those mattresses in the bag, and you open and it goes “POOF,” and then you can’t get it back in the bag. I can’t go back to running and working and thinking like I did. Whatever made me feel that was necessary, is just gone. I HAVE to rest now. It sucks because I am too poor to really afford any rest. But here I am. Dang, your video really got in my brain. Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
Dear Lidiya, you bring so much to the table...fun well rounded personality, brains and the best vintage wardrobe❤....i mean who cares if you' re not 21 anymore. By the way i thought you're 30? Hard to tell, but your over all demeanor, mannerism and air, comes with someone who has lived longer on this planet and rightly so🎉. I really enjoy your content, especially the video on curated stuff and consumerism😊
Me too. Me too. Well said. I'm 43 turning 44 this year and am the same. I feel like I wasn't able to express myself as the genuine "me" until my forties. Now, I am trying to share my worlds, my stories and hopefully, have the time to complete them. You can do this.
Isn’t it interesting how we are the most insecure about our looks when we’re young. But we feel our most confident when we’re older.❤❤ I’m in my 30s, but feel so incredibly sure of who I am regrowing if I’m deemed attractive by society or not. Btw, love all your videos!! I found you months ago when you had less than 3k subs. So happy for your growth ❤❤
First, I love your channel so much. I watch every video you put out and they help relax me so much at work. Plus, I feel like I “click” with your content so much more than any other writing CZcamsr I’ve seen. I really appreciate your down to earth discussions and honesty (and your taste in anime/manga is flawless, I instantly trust the storytelling abilities of anyone with LOGH figures in the background). Second, you always have the best segueways into your sponsor, haha. Third, the topic of this video has been weighing on me a lot recently. I’m still only 27 but as some other people have mentioned in the comments, I’ve been having a bit of a quarter life crisis for the past few years. My dad died unexpectedly when I was 22 and a few other family members followed in quick succession so I think it really started then, but I find myself pondering my own mortality quite a bit. I have struggled with writers block due to mental health issues since I was a teenager, and I’m trying to slowly work my way back into writing now. It always felt like something I could put off, because I was young, but I know in my heart that I shouldn’t delay anymore because anything could happen to anyone at any time. The idea of dying tomorrow without having written any of the stories screaming at me to be released is pretty soul crushing. I have found your videos extremely relatable and helpful in getting me in the right mindset and you inspire me to tell my own stories regardless of what anyone else may think or of potential popularity. And also, the idea of being in my 40s always seemed scary, but if I ended up being anything like you at 42 I would be extremely happy with that. Thank you!!
This was the first video of yours to come through the algorithm for me and it really resonated. I am 43 and the part where you talk about losing “pretty privilege” reminds me of a Gen-Z-ism that I have really been leaning into lately, and that is “ugly privilege”. You are not ugly (and do look to be at least a decade younger than you are), but “ugly privilege” is the privilege we feel to roam around the world unbothered, free of conforming for the male gaze. Since we do not look as young and fresh as we once did, the world does not focus their attention on us and we are free to just go about our business without interruption or harassment. I am loving that for me.
This was a nice video. I started having health issues young that deeply affected my self-esteem and I recently had a similar feeling of, "Who cares what other people think?" when it comes to posting things here, especially with regards to existing physically on camera. I'm just kind of over it. Who am I trying to impress? The most important part of any video is what's being said, not what the person speaking looks like. And while that's always easier said than done (like most things in life, haha), I'm working to believe it. As far as milestone birthdays go, my 20s were the worst years of my life, so turning 30 was life-changing. Hitting that big 3-0 helped me shed the ridiculous expectations of my 20s that I had failed to meet. It wasn't as if they stopped mattering entirely and it wasn't like I just stopped being sad about all of the things my health took from me, but the pressure of those expectations and dreams-the burden they had become-began to fall away. My physical health did not get better but I was certainly starting to heal emotionally...and that helped me accept things about myself that I just could not manage in my 20s. I'm not quite 40 yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I never thought I'd turn 30, let alone 40, so I intend to embrace it for the milestone it will be. :)
Your video is so rewarding, for the lack of a better word. I'm 35, I write video game scripts for a living, but I've wanted to do CZcams for SO long. I just always feel too old for it. In my space, commentary videos, most creators are in their 20s and they're doing great work but I just feel like a grandma trying to sit with the cool kids😂 So not only do I now feel like an imposter with writing, here I am having it with CZcams as well. Also, thrilled you've gotten yourself a sponsor. You get that coin, girl!
I've having my midlife crisis at the moment and it's such an experience! I've never been afraid of dying/always knew life was finite, but it hits different at this age than it used to. Gotta make the most of what we've got
💜 Thanks for sharing, I can identify with a lot of these thoughts you talk about, though I'm 31. But I've lost a lot of extended family members over the years to cancer, and I had a lot of fears and health issues as a child, so I've thought a lot more about death in my early teens than most people I know. Hearing you talk about growing older with acceptance and a positive outlook is encouraging.
This reminds me a little bit of a speech Steve Jobs once gave where he talked about how death was the greatest motivator and a really beautiful thing in that way. It's worth a watch it will come up on YT if you search 'Steve Jobs speech.' But I think about this a lot lately. I've been walking on my lunchbreaks thinking about my novel and mostly through a cemetery right near where I work. It's remarkably beautiful and but quite chaotic. A mid 1800s one with every kind of grave imaginable and all different faiths in there together. It's a poignant reminder that I'll die someday and I need to do what I want to do NOW.
Thank you so much for sharing! This resonated with me so much as I just went through a similar change in perspective a few years ago (I’m 38 now). The first shift happened in 2019 when I decided to open a business selling my art. I got tired of being afraid - of what people might say, of if anyone would buy, etc. The second was when I had to help care for my husband’s grandfather as he died from cancer. Although I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my life, I had never watched someone die. Though it was scary in some ways, it was also incredibly humbling and inspiring in other ways. I feel incredibly blessed to have been there in his last days. Then, just this last year, I had a younger brother beat cancer, which seemed to pop up out of nowhere. All of this has taught me that very little actually matters in this world as far as the things we worry about and the things we fear. It’s taught me to be braver, to accept myself more, and to spend my time doing the things that bring me joy.
Thanks for sharing. You certainly don't look like my grandmother! My last two grandmothers died last year at 101 and 103 years old. It is amazing to me that as a man in his 60's that I still had grandparents. Cheers!
That's awesome! I still have two grandparents who will be turning 89 and still going, so I hope they make it that far! And no, I should hope I don't look like anyone's grandma YET, but I am certainly inching closer to the age my grandma was when I was born...
I went from being an unmarried 29 year old to a married 30 year old in the span of a week this year, and I definitely feel different, I feel like I've finally become a real adult
One of the good things about aging is, the older you get, the less you are bothered by other people's criticism. It's nice to hear real words on CZcams and not taglines and catch phrases. Cheers
I always feel supported by your honesty and your experiences. Even though most would look at you and I as so different, which (for the most part) we are. But feelings wise, I can relate to some of what you speak about here. Also, there is something about the way you shoot your videos (without effects or fancy edits) which make me feel like I am having a friend over for coffee/tea and a 'chat' about life - (a meaingful chat). Note: I find it difficult to meet people face to face. So, that being said, thank you for allowing me to get to know you a little. A lot is going on for me at the moment, but I should be back on dischord in a week or two. Thank you again for this video.
Thank you for your kind words! I always hoped it would feel like a nice chat with a friend. No need to feel bad if you're not on Discord. It's always nice to see you but it's not an obligation or anything!
I love your insight and at 34, I feel a lot of the things you talk about starting(or I’m already in the midst of)-career and age-wise-you’re adorable and I laughed out loud at “cruising toward the crone zone” I’m totally using that 🤣🩷 Happy to be a new sub 🩵🩷🩵
Fellow 40- something here: just starting to write! Never had a fashion sense or beauty IQ... introverted awkward scientist... with very small YT channel... haha definitely feeling the ghost in the mirror bit
The PMS brain fog is the WORST!! I'm 10 years younger, and I hate having a brain that doesn't work as good. For me, I did have a major shift at 30 (was dumped by a significant ex I'd dated for most of my 20s, and got much closer to a nice-at-the-time friend group.) I think that 34 will have a bigger shift in a few months, as I'm getting married, we want to start a family, and I'm in the market for some more trustworthy friends lol. The last few years have been crazy but I can feel there's something new on the horizon.
It suuucks...and it sure doesn't get better 😭 The Magic Mind seriously did help more than I expected, though. If they don't renew the sponsorship I might have to swap my kombucha habit!
35 has been a big birthday for me, followed by 35 begin a hard age. I had really hard illness and have had severe fatigue since then. A deep awareness of my own mortality has set in despite my previous chronic illnesses. It's been hard to find the energy (mental and physical) to write.
43 here. I've wanted to be an author since before I could write. Insecurities held me back. Your channel and messages inspire me to try... thank you, Lidiya. Also, you're so cool! I just want to be your friend! #cringeandidontcare
Starting at 34 here.. both CZcams and writing. I'm terrified of it all ending too soon. But at least I don't care if the youth think I am cringe, I guess.
I... have wanted to try doing something creative in my 40s. But I'm so depressed and messy that I have no idea how to even begin. I appreciated hearing your story.
I’m 44. It really does feel like there’s some turning point of life perspective in your early 40s, which is funny, cuz I had a major health scare in my early 20s that also redefined my life perspective and I feel like this shift has been on par with that one. Thanks for sharing your experience, this whole video is so relatable. I always feel like you seem like someone I’d be great friends with, I’d love to meet someone like you here in my hometown.
I had a nervous breakdown when I was 25 like I really did not do anything with my life. And I was very anxious about the future it took me like ten years to recover and find my own path through writing I guess I'm still having bad days but your video finds me on a day I have finished my new cozy mystery novel draft and it was emotional 😭 love your channel and thanks keep giving this energy to the world
This hit hard girl! First off did not think you were that old! Lol I turn 30 next year ugh and I am not sure what to do but after listening and a long family history of dieing young I need to write all my he things I imagined! I litterly have hundreds lol but time jst slipped through my fingers ugh
I fully understand the middle age sudden realization that you're not young anymore and the shock that middle age might not be the middle. It happened to me, too. But I've spent the past 38 years practicing and studying the craft of writing. I have always wanted to wait until I was "good enough" to publish before I tried...but this year I came to the realization that if I'm not "good enough" after 38 years of daily writing then I should probably just give up that dream. And I have too many stories to tell for me to give up. So, this year I'm finally writing with the intent to publish. I'll be 47 this year lol. Thanks for sharing your story. It feels almost like a sign to me that I'm on the right track.
I tried this website called death date and it only gave me another 31 years to live. Honestly, it doesn't scare me. It's lit a fire under me. I don't care if it's wrong or fake. I want to get stuff done. I have so many stories to tell! I can't hide behind perfection anymore.
I'm 34 and this was the first year I felt in my body that I'm aging. I had my first white hair at 26 but now it's deeper than that. Very dear people have died and it only sent me deeper into depression. Only this year I got the will to seek help and now I feel I'm finally living wanting to achieve goals. I don't know what exactly changed at 34. Maybe it was because I finally bought a house and my anxiety kept telling me old age is next on the horizon.
Another good video! Yeah- at forty you are old enough to both look back and understand where you've been, and can also face up to how you want retirement to be cause it's barrelling towards you a lot faster than it used to. And crone energy is great- embrace it!
One thing I love about my little mountain town is that this place has the best crones. Lots of role models for being an awesomely weird and creative older woman.
Y'all are too sweet but I swear I do NOT look 28!! I guess the lighting in my room is even better than I thought 😂
I started my life over from scratch at 40 after a divorce left me with nothing. 43 now and launching my first book this summer.
Ooh this video hit hard. 40 is when I learned I had cancer. 42 is when I learned it had returned and I was now stage 4. I'm terrified I won't live long enough to write all the books in my head. I'm scared to start a new series for fear I won't be able to finish it and will let readers down. But I also want to keep living as best I can and keep following my dreams for however long I'm here. I used to fear growing older - now it's my #1 goal.
You're going to be here a while. I believe it. You have a lot left to do. I think Dia did too, but on the other hand she was such an ethereal soul that maybe she was more needed on another plane of existence or something. *HUGS*
Sorry to hear about your illness. May you be blessed with better health and capacity to write all the books you wish. May you grow old and grey ❤
❤❤❤
When my grandma had her triple Bypass at age 75 and I saw her for the first time after - I noticed the scar on her sternum (well, on the skin above it) she saw, were my eyes went and said "yes, that surgery Ruins your Dekolleté, but your grandfather still is attracted to me, so everything is fine." And she giggled. I learned two things that day. You are never too old for a little vanity. You are never losing your pretty privilege with the important people. My grandma is 93 now, visibly so. And still, she is beautiful.
REAL beauty is authenticity. You’ve got it over flowing!! Own it!!! Seriously.
My "But ... I was young yesterday" moment came when people applied for joɓs in my office who were born the same year the first Lord of the Ring Movie came out. 😂
Oh no! Really?
Now I do feel old. 😂😂😂
Same! I will always remember 2001 as the day my creative journey began
I felt the same way when I met someone who was born in the 2000s. Like, uh, no, you're supposed to be a toddler, not a freaking adult! 😂
This really hit hard. My dad passed away a year ago, and I found an unfinished book on his iPad.
Aristotle said that the greatest of all the good things was contemplation/thinking, because it was the one thing any man could do regardless of privilege, or if a tyrant locked up a man in a dungeon for the rest of his life, and all his posessions were stripped from him.
I think telling stories to ourselves count as one of them too.
I count you most noble for sticking with this pursuit.
Thank you for sharing 😢
I recently turned 25 and had a (very premature) little crisis about some of these topics and, the main thing I’m taking from this video is just how important it is to show up as authentically as possible. I’m going to make that my biggest goal / North Star and continue prioritizing meaningful interactions. Thank you I love your channel sm
I'm 35 and just beginning to take my writing seriously. Your videos inspire me. I've always felt "old" though in a way, even as a kid, because I was born with vacterl association aka a lot of medical issues. So growing up disabled i've ended up relating to a lot of old people from a young age. Of course now at 35 I feel like i'm 15 but... life is weird. Also i'm not expected to live to 80. I am in my midlife already. I was married. They passed away in 2021 at age 41. I'm the one with the medical issues... i'm the one still alive. One never really knows. While I am here I want to write, because I have stories in my soul. I want to be me and I want to be happy. Whether that's for another year, or a few more decades.
I'm 43. It didn't even hit me on my 40th birthday but in the last year it has. My good friend died from cancer 2 years ago, we were the same age. I realize I am closer to death and that I have wasted half of my life working useless jobs that I mostly hate (that is if I even live until my 80's). You articulate how I feel very well! I always wished I was a better speaker. Great video, thank you.
I am about to turn 37. Still single, still unpopular, thankfully not alone and doing ok on the health and economy department.
I liked this video, it really spoke to me. After 37 years of constant failures and disappointments, I actually feel pretty good now. Just as you said, things change the older you become and weirdly enough, it is only until now that I feel prepared to chase my dreams and to just enjoy the ride, instead of being paralyzed with the fear of failure and criticism.
Cheers!
I am a middle-aged person (a few years older than you) and have been starting to feel it physically and mentally. It really is alarming because you think of yourself in the "young adult" category for so long and then it seems like all of a sudden you're like "what the hell, I'm 45?!" I really think it's amazing that you know what you want to say and accomplish and you kind of have a path at least outlined, so I guess I'm going to have to tune in so I can watch it all unfold. You can do it! All this makes me wish we had relatable fantasy writers on CZcams back in the 90s, because teenage me would have appreciated you, too.
I just wanted to say that I love your video's and your honesty. I am a self pub author, first book released in 2017 ... and three books later I am still doing this. It was hard writing those books with a full time job. I don't know how I did it.
It's been my dream to be a writer, since I was a teen but when I WAS a teen I never thought that you could make a living from it. As crazy as that seems given all the books I was reading. Well, I'm forty-six now and I quit my job this year to write full time with the support of my hubby, and I hope to release books like crazy next year. That's the plan. Life is short.
Those first nature shots were giving me Edna St Vincent Millay vibes. 👍 Love the deep stuff. I am 65 and I tell you this: the bloom of youth is still with you. 🦋🦋🦋 PS 50th birthday was very hard. Only realized in hindsight that it was responsible for a week of horrendous moods. Lol
I'm 42 and only 5 minutes in, but I'm crying. I identify with sooo much of this. I'm just so glad you're on here.
"...but I can guarantee that I will not care, when I leave this life, how many Manga were on my shelf" OOF... After my dad died in 2022 (when I was 40) something in me broke/shifted. In the weeks after his death I wanted NOTHING. I threw away/donated bag after bag of stuff I'd collected (mostly thrifting-my addiction!). He had been a rare/antiquarian book collector and something about watching someone collect all these items and then just...die...hit me too hard. I hope this doesn't come across as trauma dumping...just agreeing that my memories of him, and the time we spent together, mean so much more to me than the books I'm now surrounded by.
@@annemorph Bless you, I agree.... it is so sad.
I do really hope you have had a LOVELY 42nd Birthday! 🎈🎈And have many more with things, People/ Pets you genuinely care for.
Oh, wow, I love Dia's books! Bleeding Violet and Slice of Cherry are just stunning.
She self-published a few more also set in Portero that I REALLY need to get. They sound equally compelling.
I was a novel writer as a teen, and went to business school, and now a CZcamsr with millions of views by combining both worlds. It is all possible as long as you dare to dream!
This one hit hard. I'm 35, 36 in a month's time, and I haven't really been able to take any of my artistic passions seriously due to life just lifing a lot these past years. This video is a great reminder to really stop and think about what things are most important to me and deserve my focus. To practice the arts of embracing and of letting go. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing ❤ I’m turning 42 in a few months and I feel the time is slipping by so quickly. My brain and heart feel 20, but my body feels 80 😅
Yeah, it sure hits the body more than the brain.
I have no idea who you are, what books you’ve written or anything else about you other than what you just elucidated, but I had a smile on my face the whole way through your video and have subbed and queued up a bunch more of your content. Your brain, heart and soul shine through with a joy for life and sober understanding of life’s lessons and limitations. Look forward to more. 😊
the other day i had this thought. i said, i dont need three sheep as much as i want them. i dont want to learn how to care for them, build their housing needs, etc. I just want to sit in my room and finally write my stories. i really appreciate this video and the insight. i fear my own mortality and this is it.
I love this video. Thank you for being so honest & real (a rare thing online!) ha :) I’ve gone through various “phases” in my creative/adult life - I was a professional illustrator for a decade, then designed kids’ books for many years, became a foster parent for awhile, tried my hand at writing (self-published 2 novels), etc. In a few days I’m turning 50 and I feel like I have so many more things I want to do… How can I be turning 50?!? I still dream of fantasy worlds & wanna play D&D with friends and act like a kid… wtf!! Anyway, yeah, i can relate to a lot of what you’re talking about… :)
I started my new channel at 43. Wasn’t sure where I wanted to take it. But animal rescue and Subaru camping seem to be the thing. So, I’m trying to find how I’m going to do this. What stops me is being judged by people BUT it’s going to happen regardless. So here I go. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. 🐾
We appreciate you and your honesty, and your candor. You're only a few years older than me (I'm closer to 39 than 38) so I'll say you give off quirky big sister vibes!
And within the last three months, two of my dad's closest friends who were like uncles to me passed away. It's weird and scary to accept that we just don't live forever. So I'm going to make the most of the time I have. I'm done waiting for perfect conditions, so I'm going to make life fall in line and achieve what I want.
GOOD GRAVY! I just discovered your channel and I am so thankful to find an over 40 content creator. My YT feed is full of youngin's and it's hard to relate to the commentary about how dating on TikTok sucks. Or even, a lot of "over 40" channel search results are like "How to dress when you're over 40", "makeup tips for mature skin - over 40". Like I'm not quite the crypt keeper and I have my own personal style.... it's rough out here being a 40+ lady who watches YT all day. All of that to say THANK YOU and please keep going!!!
I’m 31, and I do think I had a shift in how I saw myself and life when I turned 30 at the end of 2022. When I realised nothing bad, drastic, or life changing happens when you’re no longer in your 20s, it did feel liberating! I’m much more comfortable with who I am and don’t concern myself with how others perceive me as much. My life direction is much clearer now too!
Yes! I turned 30 last year and felt the same way. I thought I would suddenly become an adult and figure out what I want with my life, but all I feel instead is just an inner peace that life is just this. Hours, days, months, years on this earth and we don’t know how many of them we get to have. Suddenly they’ll all be gone and I would much rather have spent them slowly at peace savouring each moment and than rushing for some future that I don’t even know will ever happen.
I also feel that I can be more authentic and live according to my values now. This is my life and it’s worth more to me that I live it the way I want than the shame I would feel of people maybe looking down on me for my life choices.
@@Slowbeginnings the authenticity thing is absolutely fantastic!! Peace is such an important feeling honestly, I believe it’s the most pure and authentic manifestation of happiness. And that’s so true, planning for the future is all well and good but no one ever really knows for sure how long they have. Realising that caused a shift in my understanding of aging. Everyone gets to be young but not everyone has the privilege of living a long time.
I think of growing old and living a long life as a blessing. Our time here is so beautifully brief. Life’s there to be enjoyed, savoured, live your life in the way that makes you the happiest! 🩷
I love this discussion. I have also been realizing that inner peace is often more valuable than grand plans...although sure I have some of those, but I've been getting WAY more content with less. And it feels incredibly liberating. Awesome for you to realize that at 30.
@@lidiyafoxgloveauthor aww omg thank you for responding, I have a great deal of respect for you and love your content 🥹 so true, I have plans and aspirations, I think it’s important to have those to help add structure and direction in life, but more so than that I think it’s good to have a growth mindset, to learn and become better as you walk through life. Even if that growth isn’t as drastic as other people’s, learning to not compare myself to everyone else has gone a long way toward self-acceptance and knowing this is my own individual journey.
I love your content. You make me feel ok with life. Like I'm talking to a really good friend. Thank you for these!
As for deep convos, I think living a life where we always want to do more is one of the greatest blessings out there. 'The endless pursuit of magic,' is what I like to call it. So long as we are happy with our efforts, the result won't be what we remember most in the end. It'll be how much fun we had getting here. That awareness comforts me.
...in my brief, non-nuerotic perfectionist moments 🙃😆 One day. These stories will escape my head I swear 🙃
Its really interesting to see this perspective, as someone who's on the younger side (and has been perpetually been considering my own mortality). Growing up, I never thought I would get to this age, so I feel strangely old for being a young adult, if that makes any sense. I never thought this far ahead, so seeing how much hope and promise there is in the following decades is incredibly inspiring. It makes me so happy to see that you never toned down your fashion taste or stopped following your passions, as a lot of people I know in real life have done. I'm really glad you decided to start this channel, your videos are always so delightful and comforting.
I'm also in the perpetually considering my own mortality club. I was a very gloomy child and teenager and it's part of the reason I escaped into my own fantasy world that had a lot of "cozy goth" elements. And I had zero risk-taking streak. (That remains true...)
To be fair to everyone else re: clothes, I have been very lucky with fashion in that I've stayed the same size, which definitely makes it MUCH easier to curate a wardrobe. But with that said...I know it's pretty unusual to really go for a distinct style. I can't really imagine just settling for basic fast fashion.
I watch all your videos, and my 27 year old son sometimes watches with me. He was shocked to learn you're in your 40s. All this time, he thought you were in your 20s. xo
I can so relate to your words and experiences. I don't know whether I could do a CZcams channel myself but i've watched a few of your videos and I like your honesty and how you say things many people feel but wouldn't be confident in saying out loud themselves. I guess that's why they talk about people who have a midlife crisis at around 45, but then for some life begins at 40. I'm a creative introvert too but at present my husband doesn't support my creative endeavors and I find it very hard not to be able to do the things I enjoy. Thank you for sharing.
Ms. Lidiya, you just got yourself a new subscriber. This somehow hits me in a deeper level. I'll be turning 32 this year and ya'll, quarter life crisis is NOT cute! I have this sense of urgency that I should have a published book by now especially since I started writing "seriously" when I was 16-years old.
Adulting is hard :')
I just turned 40, and I have been thinking about when my shift in thinking would start. When would I feel my age! I still think I'm 30 or so, maybe that's embarrassing, I should be more mature! I have always been daydreaming about stories and characters and wanted to finish a novel but I always used the excuse I didn't have time. Homeschooling 3 daughters over the last 16 years has kept me busy, and now I am finally feeling like I have more free time to write. Inspired by this video, I believe I can start something new even if I am middle aged. Thank you for starting your CZcams channel. I have enjoyed all your videos!!
I'm also 42 ❤️ So much of this is relatable; the past year or so has definitely been a season of re-evaluating priorities; my mother's health has been failing the past few years and took a sharp downturn this winter, leading to her passing last month. So I spent a lot of the winter thinking about my own mortality a lot, given that my health already isn't great (there's not a lot of diagnosable issues yet but I've been weak for most of my life and I think perimenopause kicked a lot of my underlying issues into overdrive. I also get winter depression so badly (and winter feels like half the year here in Ontario).
It feels hard to hold onto goals that I used to have; doing anything big feels unmanageable/impossible, and doing anything small often feels pointless. But I'm still trying to do the small things, very slowly, because they're better than nothing. Hopefully someday I'll find something that helps and feel up to working on some of the many projects in my head that feel impossible to start.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble but your channel is a comfort so thanks for your videos :)
I'm 37 and, Lady, you are preaching to the choir! I have been struggling with all of this over the last year or so (due to unfortunate genetics, my hair undyed is 60% grey which doesn't help...). Hearing you say everything you covered makes me feel less alone. ❤
Yes, I definitely have more grey hair than CZcams lighting usually shows... it's not at that tipping point where it's SUPER noticeable yet, but I see it about to crash on me. But I really want to appreciate all the benefits of getting older & not be bothered by that stuff! I'm glad it helped you feel less alone!
I'm two years younger than you and I'm SO grey. I colour it atm because I'm just too vain but if I didn't, I'd be half grey. I'm glad I get to age, I know it's a privilege, but there are days where I wish it wasn't so visible😅
What a beautiful video! It's tuff getting older when you still feel like a kid inside. I agree, when you realize the actuality of limited time left on this gorgeous earth, the number of years that you are, your physical age, becomes minimally important, and gratitude for the simplicity of just being alive is the most important thing. I have always felt that we are all kids in big people bodies.
i love these videos. makes me think of some things i have in common, and encourages me to do my monthly banking lol.
Thank you for being here and for sharing such authentic, relatable thoughts! I’m 29 and have had so much loss and grief over these past 3 years, so I can connect with so much of what you’re saying. I feel like grief has shaped so much of who I am and how I experience life. And it’s helped me decide how I want to live. 🖤
Age is seriously only a number-we’re all in this life together, feeling so many of the same things and yearning for connection. I so appreciate your realness, and I find solace in knowing I’m not the only one feeling melancholy and desire for more in life. 🖤
Love your authenticity 🫶
I'm 58, just published my first novel with three more completed, and I appreciated this video
I turned 42 this year and this hit home a lot. I'm a dyslexic writer who's afraid I will never be good enough because of it. You're inspiring me to keep trying even if it is hard because I'm also afraid of passing away and never publishing. Thank you for sharing your story.
Good luck! I’m here for the journey ❤❤❤
This video was a breath of fresh air. I'm a new-ish subscriber, and I'm so grateful to find quality videos from someone in my peer group (36 feeling fearless about crone-dom). I'm also a manga nerd, and until recently I felt "guilty" about enjoying manga after being told I was "TOO OLD" to read it 😂
I'm glad you started your channel, it's not fun having all the same types as role models. I agree that there is an aspect of being freed by ageing. You reminded me that we only have time to really pursue a few things, and if we are using too much time on our appearance, or consumerism, then we may be missing out on using the time to create what we really want to 'leave behind'.
It does bring me comfort to see someone that has been authentic to themselves throughout their life and keeps going. You remind me of Grimes like if she was a writer. I went through many things in my life that made me untrust myself and want to change and become like society wanted EVERYONE to be... big mistake. There's nothing more beautiful than oneself... I got very lost and I'm still trying to recuperate my me. My me-ness hahah if that's a word... Lot of pain, lot of losses, lot of trauma and desperation... I guess it wasn't all my fault, but... seeing someone like you that is soooo you it's just the best... sigh... (L)
Wow. This was an amazing video. I'm a few years older than you and everything you said about aging/40's really resonated with me. I still feel young, I dress young-ish, I listen to new music (as well as stuff from mine and my parents' eras). The internet makes it easy to keep up with the cultural zeitgeist, language & ideas that younger generations are using, etc. I don't *feel* old. But I do feel more confident in myself. When problems come along, I'm like, "This is nothing compared to what I've dealt with in the past." Everything feels doable, if not easy. Problems feel more solvable instead of feeling like an unscalable wall. I know I can handle it because I've already been to Hell and back---this is nothing!
The 40's are also definitely a time of letting go of what other people think. I'll begin to worry about what people will think/say about X and then suddenly it occurs to me, "Oh yeah, I really don't care." 😂 I hear this gets even stronger in your 50's and beyond. I'm looking forward to future decades of giving no f***s!
In my 30's I dealt with some major health issues and withdrew from my social life, out of necessity. But now I'm beginning a season of making connections. I feel I'm now better equipped to chose the right people to nurture close relationships with. I also want to make connections that will help people & leave the world a better place than I found it.
Here's to floating gracefully toward crone-dom!
I am a 36 year old and crying over this video. I always hear that life gets better every decade and I really hope so because I am struggling. I feel like I am on the precipice of something.
I know I'm going to watch this video over again (probably more than once)so I can ponder your wise words. Your videos bring me so much comfort and joy. When I've had a really overstimulating day at work and I feel like having a meltdown I really love crawling into bed and watching one of your videos. It's just nice to know you exist. 😊 thanks.
I’ve been falling in love with your personality, your way of expressing yourself makes me want to watch more of your content and the books. I think about death constantly, so this video was weirdly refreshing to me. I always feel terrified I’m behind, and I feel a bit comforted on the experience you have, also on your demeanor. You make want to read the Emily novels, I will add them to my TBR. Thank you so much for creating in general, and also videos, I think it touches many hearts.
YES TO ALL OF THIS! I am 47 and feel all of these things. Thank you for saying it all out loud. Also, filming in front of your manga collection made me subscribe instantly 😂
the weather outside is frightful LOL
Candy-stripe dress is cute ^_^
That dress is the ding dang cutest. The only good vintage dress find I've ever had on Etsy.
I'm 35 (the avatar is 10 years old) and because I have never been conventionally attractive and have always been fat, never liked makeup, etc. I feel like each new grey hair fills me with curiosity and a little excitement? I feel like I have more apprehension about my skin and wrinkles, but... Certain parts of "Cronedom" I feel like running headlong into it asap. I even joke that my life was so sad, that's why I have a perma-frown crease-- but that I can't wait to start working on my laugh lines! 😁
I really like the realness of talking about deathbed perspective. Like , what you want to feel proud or happy about when you die. I want to think about that more.
As for milestones of age, I think at 30, I realized that I wasn't "young and stupid" anymore and that meant that I needed to take more care to protect young people. Young people in the same jobs as me sort of became my honorary children in my head. I butted heads with so many managers and coworkers, especially men, who would act predatory toward high school students ... And idk, I was filled with a sort of "parental responsibility" with nowhere to put it but those coworkers and my cats. (Childless by choice.)
At 35, I'm making MAJOR therapeutic breakthroughs and finally healing some DEEP childhood wounds, which has me feeling a little like, "Wow, I've never been Myself before, and now that's all I want to BE! No more bullshit, just True Me!"
I’m 47 and have outlived several of my closest friends from high school. I also have lived longer than one of my grandfathers. This stuff gives me pause and I am still sort of grieving the eventual end, however far in the future that may be. Growing old is a privilege indeed.
You have a very relaxing way of speaking, you ended up in my algorithm somehow and I’m glad you did! Love your videos. 💚
I’m SO glad that you made the decision to share your “most me” with the world!
I have enjoyed your videos, stories and personality so much!
I am 52, started menopause at COVID and couldnt tell if the awful heat in the middle of Walmart was because of masking or hot flashes... 😂
Ive lost 3 Moms in the last 2 years since then (my Step-Mom, Mother-In-Law, and my own Mama) - I dont think any of them saw it coming...
I dont think that is entirely avoidable, but Im glad at 52 to have gained that perspective, knowing tomorrow is never guaranteed.
Im glad you are sharing your confidence in age and authenticity. You still have a lot to offer the world - and Im glad for your youtube adventure, that we can join you for the ride. ❤
i felt this video in my bones. Im a tiny bit younger than you but i find myself in a similar place. Also, you might've just given me that last push i needed to start my youtube channel. Thank you, i hope i get to keep watching your content as long as possible.,
I started a new phase of my life at the age of 28 after a long term relationship and left my career as a Lawyer. Now I'm 31 and still feel extremely lost. Every day. Listening to you is calming, sweet and you make me feel relaxed. Thank you.
I already commented but here I am again, to the part where you said “Maybe something happened in the zeitgeist.” I think so. I think the pandemic happened and for the first time SO MANY autistic people realized how long they had been running on fumes, and it was like when you buy one of those mattresses in the bag, and you open and it goes “POOF,” and then you can’t get it back in the bag. I can’t go back to running and working and thinking like I did. Whatever made me feel that was necessary, is just gone. I HAVE to rest now. It sucks because I am too poor to really afford any rest. But here I am.
Dang, your video really got in my brain. Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
Dear Lidiya, you bring so much to the table...fun well rounded personality, brains and the best vintage wardrobe❤....i mean who cares if you' re not 21 anymore. By the way i thought you're 30? Hard to tell, but your over all demeanor, mannerism and air, comes with someone who has lived longer on this planet and rightly so🎉. I really enjoy your content, especially the video on curated stuff and consumerism😊
Me too. Me too. Well said. I'm 43 turning 44 this year and am the same. I feel like I wasn't able to express myself as the genuine "me" until my forties. Now, I am trying to share my worlds, my stories and hopefully, have the time to complete them. You can do this.
Isn’t it interesting how we are the most insecure about our looks when we’re young. But we feel our most confident when we’re older.❤❤ I’m in my 30s, but feel so incredibly sure of who I am regrowing if I’m deemed attractive by society or not. Btw, love all your videos!! I found you months ago when you had less than 3k subs. So happy for your growth ❤❤
First, I love your channel so much. I watch every video you put out and they help relax me so much at work. Plus, I feel like I “click” with your content so much more than any other writing CZcamsr I’ve seen. I really appreciate your down to earth discussions and honesty (and your taste in anime/manga is flawless, I instantly trust the storytelling abilities of anyone with LOGH figures in the background).
Second, you always have the best segueways into your sponsor, haha.
Third, the topic of this video has been weighing on me a lot recently. I’m still only 27 but as some other people have mentioned in the comments, I’ve been having a bit of a quarter life crisis for the past few years. My dad died unexpectedly when I was 22 and a few other family members followed in quick succession so I think it really started then, but I find myself pondering my own mortality quite a bit. I have struggled with writers block due to mental health issues since I was a teenager, and I’m trying to slowly work my way back into writing now. It always felt like something I could put off, because I was young, but I know in my heart that I shouldn’t delay anymore because anything could happen to anyone at any time. The idea of dying tomorrow without having written any of the stories screaming at me to be released is pretty soul crushing. I have found your videos extremely relatable and helpful in getting me in the right mindset and you inspire me to tell my own stories regardless of what anyone else may think or of potential popularity. And also, the idea of being in my 40s always seemed scary, but if I ended up being anything like you at 42 I would be extremely happy with that. Thank you!!
This was the first video of yours to come through the algorithm for me and it really resonated. I am 43 and the part where you talk about losing “pretty privilege” reminds me of a Gen-Z-ism that I have really been leaning into lately, and that is “ugly privilege”. You are not ugly (and do look to be at least a decade younger than you are), but “ugly privilege” is the privilege we feel to roam around the world unbothered, free of conforming for the male gaze. Since we do not look as young and fresh as we once did, the world does not focus their attention on us and we are free to just go about our business without interruption or harassment. I am loving that for me.
This was a nice video. I started having health issues young that deeply affected my self-esteem and I recently had a similar feeling of, "Who cares what other people think?" when it comes to posting things here, especially with regards to existing physically on camera. I'm just kind of over it. Who am I trying to impress? The most important part of any video is what's being said, not what the person speaking looks like. And while that's always easier said than done (like most things in life, haha), I'm working to believe it.
As far as milestone birthdays go, my 20s were the worst years of my life, so turning 30 was life-changing. Hitting that big 3-0 helped me shed the ridiculous expectations of my 20s that I had failed to meet. It wasn't as if they stopped mattering entirely and it wasn't like I just stopped being sad about all of the things my health took from me, but the pressure of those expectations and dreams-the burden they had become-began to fall away. My physical health did not get better but I was certainly starting to heal emotionally...and that helped me accept things about myself that I just could not manage in my 20s.
I'm not quite 40 yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I never thought I'd turn 30, let alone 40, so I intend to embrace it for the milestone it will be. :)
Your video is so rewarding, for the lack of a better word. I'm 35, I write video game scripts for a living, but I've wanted to do CZcams for SO long. I just always feel too old for it. In my space, commentary videos, most creators are in their 20s and they're doing great work but I just feel like a grandma trying to sit with the cool kids😂 So not only do I now feel like an imposter with writing, here I am having it with CZcams as well. Also, thrilled you've gotten yourself a sponsor. You get that coin, girl!
I've having my midlife crisis at the moment and it's such an experience! I've never been afraid of dying/always knew life was finite, but it hits different at this age than it used to. Gotta make the most of what we've got
💜 Thanks for sharing, I can identify with a lot of these thoughts you talk about, though I'm 31. But I've lost a lot of extended family members over the years to cancer, and I had a lot of fears and health issues as a child, so I've thought a lot more about death in my early teens than most people I know. Hearing you talk about growing older with acceptance and a positive outlook is encouraging.
This reminds me a little bit of a speech Steve Jobs once gave where he talked about how death was the greatest motivator and a really beautiful thing in that way. It's worth a watch it will come up on YT if you search 'Steve Jobs speech.' But I think about this a lot lately. I've been walking on my lunchbreaks thinking about my novel and mostly through a cemetery right near where I work. It's remarkably beautiful and but quite chaotic. A mid 1800s one with every kind of grave imaginable and all different faiths in there together. It's a poignant reminder that I'll die someday and I need to do what I want to do NOW.
I've felt really mortal since my mother died young. I try to appreciate each day and sometimes I try to live my whole life in one day.
There is a use in your consumerism though. I buy a ton of books too. It makes you feel good so why not :)
Thank you so much for sharing! This resonated with me so much as I just went through a similar change in perspective a few years ago (I’m 38 now). The first shift happened in 2019 when I decided to open a business selling my art. I got tired of being afraid - of what people might say, of if anyone would buy, etc. The second was when I had to help care for my husband’s grandfather as he died from cancer. Although I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my life, I had never watched someone die. Though it was scary in some ways, it was also incredibly humbling and inspiring in other ways. I feel incredibly blessed to have been there in his last days. Then, just this last year, I had a younger brother beat cancer, which seemed to pop up out of nowhere. All of this has taught me that very little actually matters in this world as far as the things we worry about and the things we fear. It’s taught me to be braver, to accept myself more, and to spend my time doing the things that bring me joy.
Thank you for your introspective wisdom.
Thanks for sharing. You certainly don't look like my grandmother! My last two grandmothers died last year at 101 and 103 years old. It is amazing to me that as a man in his 60's that I still had grandparents. Cheers!
That's awesome! I still have two grandparents who will be turning 89 and still going, so I hope they make it that far! And no, I should hope I don't look like anyone's grandma YET, but I am certainly inching closer to the age my grandma was when I was born...
I went from being an unmarried 29 year old to a married 30 year old in the span of a week this year, and I definitely feel different, I feel like I've finally become a real adult
One of the good things about aging is, the older you get, the less you are bothered by other people's criticism. It's nice to hear real words on CZcams and not taglines and catch phrases. Cheers
I always feel supported by your honesty and your experiences. Even though most would look at you and I as so different, which (for the most part) we are. But feelings wise, I can relate to some of what you speak about here. Also, there is something about the way you shoot your videos (without effects or fancy edits) which make me feel like I am having a friend over for coffee/tea and a 'chat' about life - (a meaingful chat). Note: I find it difficult to meet people face to face. So, that being said, thank you for allowing me to get to know you a little. A lot is going on for me at the moment, but I should be back on dischord in a week or two. Thank you again for this video.
Thank you for your kind words! I always hoped it would feel like a nice chat with a friend. No need to feel bad if you're not on Discord. It's always nice to see you but it's not an obligation or anything!
I love your insight and at 34, I feel a lot of the things you talk about starting(or I’m already in the midst of)-career and age-wise-you’re adorable and I laughed out loud at “cruising toward the crone zone” I’m totally using that 🤣🩷 Happy to be a new sub 🩵🩷🩵
Fellow 40- something here: just starting to write! Never had a fashion sense or beauty IQ... introverted awkward scientist... with very small YT channel... haha definitely feeling the ghost in the mirror bit
You're so cool! Your video makes me want to try again on CZcams. Wishing you all the best.
these kinda videos mean a lot to me. thanks for the honesty
The PMS brain fog is the WORST!! I'm 10 years younger, and I hate having a brain that doesn't work as good. For me, I did have a major shift at 30 (was dumped by a significant ex I'd dated for most of my 20s, and got much closer to a nice-at-the-time friend group.) I think that 34 will have a bigger shift in a few months, as I'm getting married, we want to start a family, and I'm in the market for some more trustworthy friends lol. The last few years have been crazy but I can feel there's something new on the horizon.
It suuucks...and it sure doesn't get better 😭 The Magic Mind seriously did help more than I expected, though. If they don't renew the sponsorship I might have to swap my kombucha habit!
You're such a cool person
Jack Benny used to sign off his show with “39 and holding”.
Hard relate to a lot of points in this vid. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
35 has been a big birthday for me, followed by 35 begin a hard age. I had really hard illness and have had severe fatigue since then. A deep awareness of my own mortality has set in despite my previous chronic illnesses. It's been hard to find the energy (mental and physical) to write.
Thank you!
43 here. I've wanted to be an author since before I could write. Insecurities held me back. Your channel and messages inspire me to try... thank you, Lidiya. Also, you're so cool! I just want to be your friend! #cringeandidontcare
Starting at 34 here.. both CZcams and writing. I'm terrified of it all ending too soon.
But at least I don't care if the youth think I am cringe, I guess.
I... have wanted to try doing something creative in my 40s. But I'm so depressed and messy that I have no idea how to even begin. I appreciated hearing your story.
I’m 44. It really does feel like there’s some turning point of life perspective in your early 40s, which is funny, cuz I had a major health scare in my early 20s that also redefined my life perspective and I feel like this shift has been on par with that one. Thanks for sharing your experience, this whole video is so relatable. I always feel like you seem like someone I’d be great friends with, I’d love to meet someone like you here in my hometown.
I’m nearly 50 and I hear you on the JRPGs!😆
I had a nervous breakdown when I was 25 like I really did not do anything with my life. And I was very anxious about the future it took me like ten years to recover and find my own path through writing I guess I'm still having bad days but your video finds me on a day I have finished my new cozy mystery novel draft and it was emotional 😭 love your channel and thanks keep giving this energy to the world
"Let's just get back to being a housecat..." 😻
This hit hard girl! First off did not think you were that old! Lol I turn 30 next year ugh and I am not sure what to do but after listening and a long family history of dieing young I need to write all my he things I imagined! I litterly have hundreds lol but time jst slipped through my fingers ugh
I fully understand the middle age sudden realization that you're not young anymore and the shock that middle age might not be the middle. It happened to me, too. But I've spent the past 38 years practicing and studying the craft of writing. I have always wanted to wait until I was "good enough" to publish before I tried...but this year I came to the realization that if I'm not "good enough" after 38 years of daily writing then I should probably just give up that dream. And I have too many stories to tell for me to give up. So, this year I'm finally writing with the intent to publish. I'll be 47 this year lol. Thanks for sharing your story. It feels almost like a sign to me that I'm on the right track.
I tried this website called death date and it only gave me another 31 years to live. Honestly, it doesn't scare me. It's lit a fire under me. I don't care if it's wrong or fake. I want to get stuff done. I have so many stories to tell! I can't hide behind perfection anymore.
Rip Dia 😢
I'm 34 and this was the first year I felt in my body that I'm aging. I had my first white hair at 26 but now it's deeper than that. Very dear people have died and it only sent me deeper into depression. Only this year I got the will to seek help and now I feel I'm finally living wanting to achieve goals. I don't know what exactly changed at 34. Maybe it was because I finally bought a house and my anxiety kept telling me old age is next on the horizon.
what an amazing video. well done.
Another good video! Yeah- at forty you are old enough to both look back and understand where you've been, and can also face up to how you want retirement to be cause it's barrelling towards you a lot faster than it used to. And crone energy is great- embrace it!
One thing I love about my little mountain town is that this place has the best crones. Lots of role models for being an awesomely weird and creative older woman.