Why Narcissists Are So Cruel To You But Kind To Everyone Else
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- čas přidán 3. 07. 2024
- Have you tried explaining a narcissist's cruel behaviour to someone you know? Only to have them respond with - “But he is such a great guy!”
And of course many people like narcissistic women, because they are so accommodating, hospitable and charming and always there to help anyone in need.
But, we know this is SO not our experience of them!
Why are narcissists so unwilling, unmotivated and uncaring and even downright nasty with their nearest and dearest, yet sooooo accommodating and wonderful with everyone else?
Within this episode you will find out!
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It's like being in a horror movie. You know what others don't know and you are alone in it...
So true
Yes!
Yes, its horrible I feel so alone and I see no out
I know this feeling too well
True.. Can't explain or express to anyone who would believe it?
If they treated other people the way they treated you, they would have no supply.
Plus they need flying monkeys, and they would lose them if they treated them like the way they treat you.
If we treat them the way they treat us they become mean and demanding plus who wants to treat anyone that way...
Thank you. You got it.
So True!!
THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS VIDEO. I was literally bursting in tears today about how isolated I feel lately because people just don't get it. You have to be a victim of their abuse to understand.
You aren't alone. I know how you feel. Stay strong
myransary Love n light my dear. Dont give up and not up to you to expose them, its useless. Take care of yourself first n foremost. I am finally sitting back and watching this horrible narcissist crash n burn and everyone apologizing to me.
myransary God Bless you I'm k. The same place now, I hope things have worked out for you and.you.free now. In the name of jesus
It's fruitless to try and explain. Sigh.
myransary Stay Strong.... Love
My ex is a pathological narcississt. His older sister used to hate me until she had to deal with him in court when their father died. She said to me, 'I always thought you were the problem. Now I know he was.' I broke down and wept, I finally felt validated.
I recently divorced my husband of 28 years. He's the best guy to know casually, but a mental, emotional & verbal abuser to those in his household. I wish I had left decades ago. I didn't realize how oppressive all of this had been until I got out of there. Although it was difficult to do, I finally believed that I was worth being treated better. This type of abuse tramples on any self-esteem you may have & makes you question everything about yourself. I wish him no harm, but I honestly don't care if I never cross paths with him again.
Oh my God! Believe me, I know how you feel. I stop going into picnics with him and everything because it would make me sick the way everybody would come running up to him praising him. If they knew the way he treated me inside this house they would be disgusted. It makes me sick. For people that have seen it they can’t believe it. My family and friends have wanted me to divorce him for decades. One of his best friends is the mayor of the town. I look at him, and I have such resentment and I couldn’t begin and tell you what he has put me through And how he made me feel like a piece of shit and that’s what I stay
Good for you!
Street angel, home devil is a perfect description of them
The last day I seen my ex narc I asked him "Why are you so cruel" I was emotionally drained and he just kept abusing me but I had become so used to it I was actually numb, so numb I had finally got the clarity to see him for what he was. A narcissist. I told him to leave and never contact me again, he was in another relationship the following week. Enough said. That ended and he tried reaching out to me but told him, again, not to contact me again. I am finally free and happy. So much wiser and dont regret a thing most importantly
I left my x after 34yr marriage. It's been a rocket, crazy, emotional divorce and still not over yet!! Just like she says, he put out their so many rumors people turned their back on me. Nobody knew what went on behind closed doors, but yet they judged. The destruction they creat Behind your back is mind blowing and I still cand wrap my head around it. When I first left him I felt Free as a bird!! And also felt "I just don't care", even about myself. And I cried. Then the depression, wow that was tough, real tough. Now I'm in the stage of getting my self back,still with crying spells, but with more understanding. And yet it's still impossible to tell anyone what really happen, it's too long, with so many leaves. I haven't dated on 2yrs, I seem to be attracted to the same guys. So I'm putting that on the back burner till I trust myself again. So, here I am still, and probably forever, working on myself. But their is one thing that I realized, and that is, that "I MATTER"
As soon as I left..
I started to feel great
I am on the road to.freedom.....
Soon me too.
Me, too. So liberating! I just wish I did it earlier.
💜💜💜💜
I know! After having no contact my life just kept getting better and better and I felt great without them!
I was born to a narc mom, and my older sib is a narc too. It's been a long hard road, but I'm finally thriving. Praise Jesus.
Awesome Waiting for Jesus xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans Thank you, Melanie, this really helps. I am a Christian and just now am realizing why I felt so worn out by my sister. I think I have been her supply. I care for her and want the best for her, but I have to put a bit of a distance between us...not entirely, but a bit. I need to pray. Jesus is the answer.
Waiting for Jesus
♥️
Waiting for Jesus amen...me toooo...love you...your sister in Christ JESUS ...
Mystikal Ruby Luna
I have to disagree with you there, Waiting for Jesus is correct. I became a Christian this year (was a lapsed Catholic before) and a personal relationship with God through Jesus has incredible healing power. It is supernatural and of the spirit. If you doggedly pursue the truth, knowledge and healing from this relationship, prayer and reading the bible, you really can heal and recover.
Many addicts, alcoholics and abuse victims have found amazing healing from Jesus Christ. Even saying his name can free you of demons, in fact he is the only one who can. The dark side of the spiritual and human world hate him but are terrified of his name. God bless you.
You feel you're always walking on egg shells and then start wondering if you Are the one in the wrong and you are in fact the narcissist.😕
Yep - in fact it was by googling 'walking on eggshells' (as well as 'inability to self-reflect') that I finally figured out that my husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Juana Palacios yep finally after 18 years I find out what I’ve been through
Beautiful Dayzee BLESS YOU. I’m still traumatized 18 years of verbally and emotionally abusing our family he discarded me blindsided our family horrible language in and out fir months filed paperwork to cause the most horrible injuries. I’m exhausted
My ex called me "self absorbed" because I had a problem with him bringing several new supplies over to have sex in our bed while i sat in anger and tears hearing some girl moan in my bed.....
@@ginadiodati1965 sorry had to rely, usually don't but your experience is just horrific. I've dealt with a few narcissists, ones that have cheated, intellectually patronised me, criticized, corrected or just constantly compared me to other women. However, nothing like what've you been through, I am so sorry for that hurt and experience. Truly hope you are able to piece yourself together and know that your loveable and deserve commitment.
If your in this kind of relationship get out- your strong,your beautiful and there is more to life then this-don’t let them take one more minute from you
Street angel / home devil, I so love that description!
Perfect description of a narcissist.
I'm not gonna lie I was. Hurting now I have nothing to hide no more lies maybe they will all just realized what we are together band apart .. but we do make the best team ..
Yes
Light in the streets, darkness in the home.
Growing up in high school I used to cry before the school day was over or coming home from weekend school functions. I never wanted to go home.
I always hear, “I need to find someone who makes me happy”. But if you can’t be happy without someone, you’ll never truly be happy with someone.
I don’t think it’s about that people want connection they want to feel someone cares it’s only human to feel that way you can’t just tell people they have to be alone to be able to love no people need love from others they need affirmation they need to feel wanted needed if you ever lived alone for a lengthy amount of time you would crave these things too
Narcissist have two feelings. Jealousy and blaming. Don't blame yourself. You need to meet a person who is already happy. They are basically sorry bastards.
Living with someone is when you really see the true person,outside the home they can be very nice,but that's not who they are
💯🎯
I'm so jealous of all of you people who managed to get out, I'm terrified I'll never have the strenghth...
Filipa Seabra aww you can get our family members, child’s father, ex husband were NACs and now I’m no contact with them all and now I’m going through the recovery process and healing process from years of abuse from them all and I can’t forget the co workers that’s I’m surrounded by all the time.
Just start no contact/grey rock technique. Pray for strength daily -
Filipa Seabra it wasn’t until I left that I understood all this . I just ran and asked questions later. It was his emails that clued me in to investigate they were so backwards it confused me
Courage! Take a change!
I pray that you will and can before the BIG HURT comes. Prays to you
The day I left my narcissist I said." I don't know you and I never did but that's ok because nobody really knows you. Today I found out who you really are( sexual betrayal) and today I wondered who I had become. Today I wondered how all of my experience and intuition failed me with you but then I realized that you did you very best to lull me into this false sense of a union. There is nothing in this for ME. I don't care how this affects you Because you didn't care how your betrayal would affect me. Boom zero contact. They did cartwheels to get my attention. I told them thru my closed door to go away and that they were not welcome in any way anymore.
johnny james very well said and so true about the betrayal, well said! It's rediculous but they lose out in the end, it catches up to them. Sick, sick, sick cowards!
johnny james I love this!! I will copy this and read this from time to time. Described my last relationship to a "Tee'!!
Good for you my friend !
Im happy you found the strength to leave . You'll find true happiness !!
johnny james this is so strong. i wish i had told something like that but it's too late now, and it was over with the idea that i'm the bad one. :((..
johnny james
That describes my relationship as well why is it so hard to break away from these sexual beings
Ugh. I just want to warn his friends and new supply but of course they wont believe it. They have to find out for themselves. He will show his real side eventually. Narcissists always will.
Jupiter Stars how I felt like I wouldn't want someone going through it but it took me long because he didn't act like that for along time
That is so true! They always reveal themselves. When they are collapsed, they reveal themselves that much faster.
You poor women. I am a so called narcissist. I think its halarious this topic. I think I need to write a book The Narcissist VS The Victim.
Always a Victim geeezuz. Sounds like someone needs a hug🤣
My bf who I think is he is always nice to himself and to his family but not to me and my son:(
I can get along great with everybody but him, a long time ago I came to realize that he's cruel to me, because he chooses to be cruel to me he needs that dog he can kick at the end of the day.
A few months ago I ran into a former employee of his one night who told me the most horrible and untruthful stories about me that he shared with all of his employees.
he will talk on the phone with a customer or friend or text a friend and joke around with them hang up and immediately start a fight with me.
If you are hanging in there with one in the hopes that they mellow with age you are fooling yourself they only get worse with age.
OMG! This is the story of my life from 5 years of age (mother died) to 51 (father died). Father was a narcissist, alcoholic, raging person. Now realize he probably have unhappy childhood. Yes, I am still angry at the kindness he showed others and how hard I had to work for that kindness, never receiving it unless he needed supply.
very simple....if you have something they want they are great. If they have no use for you...look out!
yes you are so right!
So true! He literally told me "you need to work on yourself. Why don't you do an MBA so you can teach me something for a change instead of me mothering you all the time?" "The only thing you're good for is sex!"
"I need to be with someone who inspired me".
Exactly! - Mark B.
@AllGuts NoGlory You should be a comedian. lol
The day I left my Narcissist... I already knew he was sick . I looked him in the eye and said. " YOU WILL NOT WIN "I swear the the look in his eyes was pure terror ...... coz he was about to lose his supply!!!
I grabbed my ex by the face and looked him straight in the eyes and said in a mean growly voice "I wish you were dead"! He also had a look of shear terror. Sadly...I loved it.
Love this. Good for you
Your story is my story. How EVIL these people are. Thank you for the affirmations.
"We need to become to ourselves everything we want to receive from others". ❤️
Alaska of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!!!!
the purpose of this behavioral dichotomy is to keep you confused, in other words: a cognitive dissonance. in other words: to keep you asking yourself: what am i doing wrong ?
yes and to keep you hooked up in the web.
Thank you I needed to know the exact term for the behavior
Thanks for clarifying cognitive dissonance
I was married to one 28 years. It took The Holy Spirit to break the hold!!!
God is healing the damage to my mind and physiological thinking.
Yep, “Street Angel Home Devil” is the absolutely best way to describe it. Thank you for discussing what it really means to self-partner and the importance of fully committing yourself to self healing.
This is why I don't tell anyone my business the whole looking at me like I have 2 heads thing
I did not reveal, to my extended family, the extent of my narcissistic sibling's narcissistic behavior during our now deceased Mom's long illness. I only found out after our Mother's death the vicious falsehoods he had been spreading about me. The sad thing is that the relatives automatically believed every word without checking the facts. It shocked me that he so easily lied, and in addition, no one thought to ask me directly. So, in other words, my brother told everyone our business for several years, and the family enjoyed the gossip. When I visit my relatives, now, I hold my head high, and refuse to engage in negative attacks on my brother: that would just perpetuate the crazy drama.
I broke away and on my own. Making a new happy life for myself.
Me as well . We'll be okay .
How did u do it?
Mmmm 😋 pounding?
Ben Dale, Yeah Stay Strong. Much love from me and the rest of this wonderful soul family
Brooks Equine, yes, we'll be OK. Stay strong
I am listening to this on my phone on full volume with my mom, the narcissist, within hearing range, and she literally just now got up and went outside‼️😂😂🤣🤣
My youngest son always knew. He was always paying more attention than I imagined. After disposal of our family my son finally forced himself to express: recalled-describing so many issues of 14 years I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to hurt me or take any chances of being wrong. However: It completely uncovered the reality of why he always stayed close as possible no matter how hard it was. Him experiencing certain issues which he knew were false or dramatically twisted to the point of me 2nd guessing everything i was doing, along with accepting I was wrong or my fault when it actually wasn’t‼️
If not for his knowledge, Love for his mother to man up early on for protection of my sanity I’d not be alive today🙏
This is so true ! I lost
Friends
Family
Church
All !
Nobody believed me ...
Mirelle Wittig I believe you. ♥️
@@wms72 yes isn’t it terrible .. nobody believed me ... still till this day they think I’m the crazy one for leaving such a great guy ! They have no idea
Same here! I lost family, my oldest son, friends, my church, basically my whole life! Because they all chose to believe him. I was a total wreck and looked crazy. Since I’ve left he’s started doing it to other women and they don’t see but I feel validated and know that one of these women will speak up like I did. He cheats and lies to everyone. But looks like a wonder, Christian man.
@@sstiles457 someday all will come out into the light ... trust ! He’ll get old and his true self will be seen .
@@mirellewittig954 same with yours! It will all come out in the end.
I was wondering why I was treated cruel and other people so nice. I'm glad I'm free but in the ptsd stage.
Me too! He would never treat his business associates the way he treated me.
Crying whilst watching this because I am still so confused about it all. Hurt and just confused.
Dana please come into my free webinar if you would like to receive some healing on this: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar It could be your turning point as it has been for so many others xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans thank you, I reserved a slot for Wednesday 6:pm GMT
Melanie Tonia Evans What timezone is it in? It does not say on the link but below someone wrote GYM.
Me too I’m so shocked and confused my bestie crossed the line and keyed my car and she doesn’t have no remorse
Please dont cry because this is all real and is happening.I have been in living hell for years and now am almost divorced from her.Just hang on you are not alone .
I was never argumentative or confronting, yet my ex fought with me ever day ever other day sometimes twice a day. I would explain my side with a level head but he'd continue till i was angry and sad. he tried to tell me that its my fault i lost control of my emotions. LOL I am in fact a shy soft spoken, level headed person. in the end he told me the times i didnt fight and have no reaction where the days he wanted to leave me. i had no idea that his mentality had a name...I had no idea that he was actually a sick sadistic life ruiner at heart. his family thought he was great.
Jerrica Benton Sounds exactly like my sister. Parents are gone now & after 50 years of her shit I'm done.
Jerrica Benton a
Jerrica Benton - My NARC Ex Husband Of 33 years used to say this to me after he had Spun Me Up into A Fury or Rage - “ You Are So HOT WHEN YOU ARE MAD!” “ I am SO Turned On!”
He never heard a word. It was JUST A GAME FOR HIM. IT WAS ALL F. O. R. HIM & his D*#k, his EGO, his SENSE OF POWER.
Typical. they have different faces but operate from the same manual
Sounds like a typical disordered. the more you stay in their company they have so little capacity to take responsibility for their actions, yet they EXPECT YOU to bend all of their demands at any time. Sick minds
You described my private hell that I’ve been living through in my marriage of 22 years. I’ve been working on myself for four years now; it’s been a real slow and exhausting process, but I’m whole once again and am excited about living on my own soon.
Hi, did you get out?
Nancy's Classic Bedtime Stories Im just getting out now after 22 years. Uggh.
8:45 so true when the narc was not getting some supply from somewhere, the abuse would get worse!
A false self, a consummate actor--so perfectly said.
I'm so glad that my childhood friends witnessed the extent of the verbal abuse. They were a great support system for me and are the only ones who understand why I have reached such a level of peace after my mother's death. If this has happened to you, never feel guilty about enjoying not having a psychological weight around your neck.
Yes, my narc mother-in-law didn't buy a present for her grandson, and she homemade beautiful couch pillows for a politician. I knew something was wrong then, yet I continued to be a part of this abuse for decades. I disbanded from her about 5 years ago. I am so happy now.
After trying for many years to have a great relationship with a narc family, it is difficult to accept this is what it is and it is not the family that you see on movies and they are all sick, it is really hard to accept sad, it is exausting
It is hard to accept Gracieli, my heart goes out to you. When we heal all the emotions, sadness, hurt and pain that we have been living under the illusions, we come to a place of peace and acceptance and can then move on into our thriver life. It was all meant to be, a way to 'wake us' up out of unconsciousness. If you would like to heal the emotions, I would love you to have the free New Life starter pack, so you can come to a place of serenity and regain your power and energy. xoxox
www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm
I agree with you I finally decided cut my mom and sister out of my life for good.
HOW many families would you say are narcisistic? would you say its the minority?i ve never found anyone to relate to what iwas experiencing in my famiy but i now wonder if more happens behind close doors
but yes its the opposite not only from what you se in movies but from what you expect THE NORMAL to be
+Melanie thank you so much for your videos .Its important that you know abt lightworkers too :) again thanks.
have you pinpointed when /why the narc behavior was born?coz it seems counterintuitive for human evolution,
and its not what feels naturaly even to a child for a family to be .i mean ,it sems that this behavior peaked in our era
Sometimes family are the worst cause they know ur weaknesses and play on it ,emotional sucking vampires stay safe 😌
My father was a very cruel and evil narcissist. He drove my little brother to suicide. Outside the family he was the nicest person in the world and fooled everyone. If he would of had the power 95% of the human race would of been put to death. My Mom on her death bed was so sorry for not leaving him when we were little kids. At the moment of his death his face turned into scream in terror. I hope I can get 43 years of his brainwashing negativity out of my head. I had to talk my mother out of killing him many times because he was such a soul destroying monster. I allow no toxic people in my life and ended many friendships. My dads face when he died told me Hell took him and I have never met a person that deserved it more.
I feel sorry to know your story....Narcissists without a doubt are very dangerous...
Sorry to hear your story.... Went through a similar experience.... He got everyone thinking I was the bad person... Spoke I'll of me to everyone, even my own friends and they believed him. When you're young you wouldn't think that your own father could do stuff like this... But it can happen
88wulfgar omg I cry when I read your comment as I fear that’s what my 17 year old is and will be thinking :(
So sorry, big hug🕊️
88wulfgar Wow! I am so sorry to read this about your life. The opportunity to be a parent is MAGICAL! It is an opportunity I have not had the ability to experience due to illness. I cannot imagine how or why a narcissistic parent can abuse and belittle a child.... and THEN sometimes, the pattern continues... I have witnessed this firsthand as well. I unbelievably over the term of almost twenty years, have watched and been unable to stop a mother from destroying her son. A son that spent his entire life defending, protecting and supporting her. THEN, the son began to repeat this type of behavior on me. The more his world is out of control, the more he tries to control. At times, these people will treat a so called “loved one” worse than rotten garbage. I am at a loss to even describe it. The result becomes a feeling of emptiness where true love once was. We are left to feel as if we are, or were, inadequate. But we are not! In fact, we are some of the best individuals out there.. loving, patient, kind, forgiving.... Why can’t the Narcissist see and realize this? They did at one time. Why not now? It really is a mystery isn’t it? I hope that you can let the frustration, the anger, go.... I hope you can find health and happiness and positive mental growth, and someone magical to share your life with, so that you can forget about all the negativity in your past life before this moment you speak of. And your Father... he can control you no more. You are free! Aloha
I found that once I focused on taking care of myself, and working to better my life, those other people following him began, over time, to see that he was not as friendly, or nice, or interesting as they had originally thought. They began seeing through him. I didn't have to do anything to convince them. They eventually saw it for themselves.
Honestly, I sort of knew this within myself from the beginning that I wouldn't have to do anything to convince others. It just took time for me to get over the initial heartbreak of leaving. I eventually just left matters up to others to find out about him on their own.
This is so spot on it's incredible.....they just can't stop the put-downs, nasty degrading language in their messages and all around negative energy they dole out, it can be deeply emotional, in more ways than one.
I cannot BEGIN to say how wonderful it is to finally (after years and years of therapy) - to have this cruel behavior revealed for what it is!! As a miserable teenager, I tried to make my feelings understood - and invariably received the same response: "Have you tried talking to them?" Because, of course, any problem which existed at home was ALWAYS considered the fault of the child.
When I read your post I felt instant anger! those people who say, Have you tried talking to them, don't have the slightest clue what we are dealing with. I have had more than one counselor say that and that's when I know they won't be of any help, they are clueless. It makes me so mad. I told one counselor that if I could talk to her I wouldn't be here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!They have no understanding of how sick and manipulative these people are.
I sympathize tremendously. I'm still hearing this at times. The sickness that a child is always to blame, and in my experience it's usually one child that is the target of blame. And thank you +crystalheart9 for your insight that people won't be of any help when they ask if you've tried talking to them.
+crystalheart9
I tolerated my mother for 57 years. She tried to ruin my life whenever , I show my emotional dependence on her.
Yes its usually the one who refuses to take their sh**t and the one who sees them for what they are, without their Rose colloured glasses. they are cowards@@Silvana716
I've just 3 wks ago left a narcissist after 3 and a half yrs luckily I kept my own life n didn't give all to him even tho I've been homeless with my boys n no car since I met him in the 3 wks everything has changed. I've got a car n so many friends helping me. Thank you for your words I hope they reach everyone who needs them xx
You are very welcome Keturah. I hope that too xoxoxo
Melanie Tonia Evans im about to be homeless but I know I have to leave. No money and I can't concentrate. I feel fuzzy brained, I feel loneliness to desperately and viscerally and I feel completely lost and void.. I still live with him but he goes away on holiday for a month in 8 days. Everyone else in the house - his flying monkeys who have bullied me and don't speak to me will also be away. I will take the time to catch my breath but also really must leave. He cheated and discarded throughout the situation despite booking therapy and then discarded when the therapy was due. He cries and cries and tells people how amazing I am leaving it so I can't even explain myself about what he has done. He triangulates and says the girls are to go with work so I'm in the house whilst they are in his home studio. I have no friends or anyone who truly understands. I feel like there is something wrong with me to have wound up here and feel scared. Christmas is around the corner and I'm scared of going it all alone. This used to be my best friend who knew about my history of abuse and I his personal
Life. We were doing it together about to be married. I thought I had built up and made the right decision for once. Trusting myself is scary. I fear relationships if I'm to be honest. I feel intensely abandoned.. I feel completely out of myself.. and have nothing.. he gets to get away with everything and build his life and business which I helped him with.. I feel unable to and even unwilling - as ashamed as that makes me feel - to do anything. I just feel stuck... I have considered walking into the road into a car.. when I say how it affects me all he does is cry and says it affected him and he is a horrible person and I should just leave him to be alone to work on himself and that even if he does I will never accept him or love him.. He has done so much.. I cry and cry and have triggers, my body jerks and sweats at memories and I have difficulty sleeping and concentrating.. I want this to finish.. to end.. forever.. I fear how I'll be after he leaves - I feel he will do things on social media to get at me and rub it in my face..
Keturah Carter. Keep going and don't look back. Good for you!
@@oeu3669 I hope you are doing well, and don't worry about social media, just make sure you video everything and I mean everything. And the next time he goes on his little trip out of town, you should run a Craigslist ad and sell everything to start your life
Wow, this is spot on lady. My sister is a narcissist and is literally an actor and hostess with the most-est and is somewhat famous in the community. SHE NEEDS THIS. She always has to be in charge, is "fake nice", etc. But behind closed doors, at least with me, wow, watch out. she is an absolute SNAKE. She's almost pathologically defense, pathologically dishonest, her rage is scary. For the most part I try to stay away from her but sometimes I am forced by family dynamics to deal with her. I am basically studying how to deal with narcissists with videos like this. THANK YOU. These people are extremely tricky and the best thing is to just stay the hell away from them. Love the video. SUBSCRIBED.
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Thank you ,I have doubted my self for so long , but could not figure out why I was being screamed at talked to like a dog ,told no mater what ,that I did not love her ,when I néw better , and yet everyone else was treated like gold , I worked 6 and 7 days a week , 10 and 12 hours a day ,come home start doing laundry ,start supper, do the dishes ,it was never given any credit, I was washing dishing one night and unexpected guest arrived and she ran to my side to pretend she was helping me ,I gave up
Accurate! My ex husband, 100% !!
11 yrs ago, a therapist told me what was going on. I found a book, it was as though it was written exclusively about my then, husband, the book is 'Narcissism, Why is it always about you?'
After reading the book, I understood the narcissist. I had to get out of the marriage. I did. :)
Deb Headaaaady
Any pleaser is potentially a victim
Bryan Bloom
Yes, all empath eventually become victims to others, whether they have mental problems or not. Makes me wonder if empathy is a mental disorder..
Blue Crystal I hear what you are saying about empathy. Certainly empaths suffer great emotional distress in our society, but does that mean that empathy is a pathology?
I don’t believe so.
I think empathy is the evolutionary way forward. Every generation has greater levels of it and that is what drives social movements.
The fact that empaths suffer is solely as a result of the conscious less, non empath Neanderthals that evolution is slowly leaving behind.
I’m not religious in the least, but I think that the biblical passage about “the meek shall inherit the earth” applies here.
We are on the cusp of great change in this century. Our grasp of these concepts will make or break us as a species in my opinion.
Blue Crystal
Who can say that all empathic people are going to fall victim to someone? That is simply not true.
Separately, because you have 30 or 100, or 1000 people who have been victimized by a narcissist (in this example), it does not mean that the empathic person is really the mentally ill/unbalanced. The ability to be empathic is a gift, a blessing, but it must be protected, as those with only their own selfish desires clouding their minds will destroy whomever they can to satisfy what they perceive as needs.
If you have 6000 mental patients all together, that is no proof that they are the 'normal' ones, much less that their way is the 'righr' way.
I have come to the realization that I was raised by a narcissist. I am a people pleaser, likely a trait developed out of necessity, which in turn makes me a magnet for and susceptible to narcissists. It's a wicked, vicious cycle.
Wow your comment really hit home with me... I've always been a pleaser... and I am also a survivor
When I told him I didn't value or believe in him and he was weak and held no credibility with me anymore he turned around and said * Dawn...you don't get to disrespect me now or ever * and I said I just did and he went bolistic !!!!!!!!
Dawn Conway yes the Same Thing happened to me. He went bolistic when I told him that he was making it all up and I didn't believe him. He went nuts. It was the beginning of my new, independent life.
I don't think is a good idea to challenge them because it could backfire and turn into a very dangerous situation. It might be better to keep it to yourself and plan to escape from this person.
Lmfaa
@WolfThorn that's true. I struggle to know is it defending yourself or lowering myself. I personally think it gave my ex a great sense of achievement and power if and when I dropped to his level.
You are so Beautiful. Your videos and your words are a shining light for me in these dark times of recovery, after a recent decision that I must get a divorce and end this insanity I have allowed upon myself. Your strength and grace are apparent, and you demonstrate to me with certainty that I can overcome this, and that I too will be even better when I come out on the other side. Thank you for doing what you're doing. You are a force of Good, and I am grateful to know that you exist.
I have found my isolation to be the best time to work on my wounded inner child and adult self. Lonely yes, but thankful I’m awakened and no longer asleep. Have figured out what attracted me to a Narc and its primarily bc I was raised in a Narc Family, it was the norm. Not anymore, it now the complete opposite. Unhealthy & Unsafe people=toxicity extreme. My family relationships have all severed but a few as the Family Narcs continue on with the silent treatment and smear campaign. Meanwhile Im becoming more and more whole in my awakened state. Im learning that family is those who love you and our souls understand one another with no harsh words, judgement, jealously, competition etc. Everything flows so peacefully. Im now happier than I ever have been in my entire life. Yes it does come to all in Divine timing.✨💫
WOW such a beautiful share thank you ❤️💕❤️❣️💕❤️💕❣️💕❣️ I am an "adult child" and in a 12step support program, and I been dealing with my Narc for 12, yrs now, and I'm trying to get myself back , so thankful I'm not alone with this. I never know what's true with him and it's hard to take him seriously anymore 😢 but I have stood up to him at times and stood my ground, 😇
Yes yes sweetheart heart education and knowledge is power ....billions people lives have been ruined because of a narcissists people !!@ stay away from these demonic , delusional, vicious , malicious , demonic and dangerous people because they have problem for every solution!!!!! Cptsd and anxiety have almost ruined pmy life ......nobody has power over you unless you give them !!!!! Take yall power back ladies and jentlemen!!! You're enough sweetheart!!!! That's the reason why I love and cherish being alone I enjoy my own company until I find healthy, like minded and well educated people then I will be open to chat or interact with them ....I'm in love with myself l f frankly speaking!!!! Don't get me wrong I love people with all my heart I have learn to love them from a distance because I don't know what they're doing behind closed doors or behind the scene!!!! I'm not trying to be rude vulgar, mean , prude or anything like that !!! Love yall!!!!!
@@freespirit21newyork Stay strong angel 🙏🏻🤍💕🌸🌹🦋🌟🌈🌺
There are some of those who sided with him that I am not sure I want back in my life.
You NEVER want any of those people back!! Shame on them for believing his lies.
Their mind is poisoned now. IDont let them back in your life. I lost my brother because ofb ex
I was never aware of this Narcissistic abuse.
I'm still stuck in my life, they all have destroyed my life, ruined my job and career, Defamed me publicly, and they have also cast some spell on me, able to read my thoughts, control and manipulate my mind.
I was never aware of my abuse, which has been going on all my life, i'm still trying to find a genuine help, as these people have turned everyone against me and no one trusts me and helps me genuinely due to public defamation. the defamation is still going on by using media, radio, newspaper, TV and everything else.
everyday is a struggle for me to live, due to mind control everything about me has been made public, I don't have any life left, praying to god everyday to end this life and free me from this abuse, these people will not stop until i'm gone.
God is not letting me die, these people are not letting me live.
jissein that's how I felt about the reading my mind but keep pushing I'm still healing but u have to focus on the good not dwell in the misery it's hard I know I bust out crying many days but keep moving up
One of the things that is helping me to overcome a very similar situation as the one you're describing is realising that the root of my hopelessness and my difficulty in overcoming the defamation of my person was thinking deep inside that God for some reason supported what this horrible person did cause it was "one of his servants". Once I came to the awareness that no matter what I do or did, NOTHING justifies the slaughtering of your person, and God is strongly against that. Then I started little by little to get rid of guilt and the feeling that my life was destroyed. No one can destroy something is not their hands and certainly your life isn't, that's what they want you to believe but it's a LIE!! A demonic, straight from Hell, deception. And you have all the God given power within you to move on and do something wonderful and new with your life that is only one, so please live it to the full, and let God deal with that person cause boy, they will face judgment and the consequences of their acts if they don't repent.
Currently living with a NPD mother!!!
This video has proven very helpful and validating as I go through the motions of healing at 50 years of age. Whether it be a parent, lover or friend it is clear to see that all narcissists use the SAME tactics.
Thanks for this my dear soul sister. xx
Lesley you are so welcome Dear Sister - and I am so pleased this helped xoxox
This is the best narcissist video. You completely get it. I can't tell anyone lest I make my life even worse.
I'm happy you liked it Kelly. I would love you to have the free New Life starter pack, if you don't already have it, in there you will find much more information to help you xoxox
www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm
Melanie Tonia Evans Thank you so much 🙏❤️
If it wasn't for my friend that I've known since grade school, I don't know how I would have made it. - Mark B.
The person you meet in the first six weeks isn't the real person.. that is the act. Time will tell... don't be in a rush.... keep your head on straight... enjoy the 'feelings' but still use your brain too and see what the behavour is like after the first few months... is it still great or is it becoming unacceptable. Set your boundaries and get out if there are things happening that you agreed with yourself to NOT be willing to live with. Don't 'put up' with poor treatment thinking the good balances it out.. that isn't the kind of balance you want/need in your life. Spouses should cherish each other and have a connection they do not have with others, not live in fear or have that "I can't wait until this is over" feeling while together.
So once it's the day after the six weeks it's real?????
J
Yes I started noticing strange behaviour creeping in around three months, can remember making up excuses for it but I knew this wasn't the action of a caring person deep down. Hoping the man I met would re-emerge without realising he never really existed....
how could u trust a person who betrayed u in the past....people are too fickle and untrustworthy
corsican lulu: Yep, once burned, twice shy!
Unless you we're raisied like this then you think it's normal for people to do it to you and you continue in those relationships because you've learned to cope and forgive people who have hurt you like Christianity teaches.. Christianity is all about being a codependent bitch..
OMG listening to this is a breath of fresh air! You just described my life for the past 10 years, the first person to truly understand! Thank you!
It's so true! I've been abused for 25 years. Didn't know name of it is a narcissism.
Married for 19 years, divorced for the last 4 years. It has only in the last six months that I started to regain my self confidence. Of course my ex didn't like this so now she has turned my daughter against me, that along with our "friends" means that I have no one. I am at a complete loss and so lonely. Your insight and advice is absolutely spot on, but it's so difficult to implement when your rock bottom. Some days I feel like "what's the point" but thankfully it's only some days.
Paul Adams I thought I was crazy but what happened to you is exactly what happened in my life he turned my only daughter and all my friends against me. I wanted to kill myself until I found out that if I did he would win. They want to destroy us and we can't give them that much joy.
You are not alone Paul... I promise! My husband has turned my son against me too. He is part of his power play. Know there are others in the world (Utah) who are suffering too but if we reach out to each other we can receive comfort and support. You can no longer say you have no one because you can reach out to us. We get it. Hang in there... allow this to refine you into a stronger more compassionate person. Healing and miracles are always there for us... we just need to have the heart, eyes and ears to receive them. Not only survive your current heartache... but do so with strength that inspires others.
I had no idea the deep denial within my family. I wish I knew what was really taking place when I was 18. I would have walked out the door and never looked back. And, it is so sad that it has taken me this long to know what was really taking place, even with my siblings, who are narcs themselves. (Narc parents are dead). I am devastated, traumatized and having a difficult time dealing with what I have just discovered. But, I know that I will heal, so I am being kind and understanding to myself, because no one seems to be able to give me what I need. Yes, it is a lonely, long road to wholeness.
I've learned and it took me forever, don't argue with them. It's a waste of time and whatever you are arguing for will not be validated even if you are 100% correct. Simple state your case, don't feel you have to get them to see your way and move the f&$* on! Anything other than that you are just playing into their hand! Took me about 15 years to figure this out, dumb me!!!
I really appreciate your input. I'm 16 years in and just discovering what all of this is. Now I don't feel so bad about how long I've been in this without knowing.
@@mogha1920 Stay strong angel and always respect and believe in yourself. Never doubt your feelings and instincts and try to switch off from the narcicistuc abuse. Go gray rock with minimal contact if possible. Things will get better as you get more independent and you can create your own life the way you want it to be. Do not get sucked into guilt trips either. Be aware that none of this is your fault and you are never alone. God bless you always angel 🙏🏻✨💕🤍🌸🌹🦋🌟🌈🌺
@@rozalina531 hi - update: we're divorced now and I'm free! I do have to say God's hand carried me the whole way. Once I did the gray rock, etc, and detached myself from his reactions I really saw a different, unstable, less controlled side of him. I had patience with the situation, held him accountable for his behavior, and boy he could not handle it. He lost control of me, and felt "not worshipped." Because I made the choice to get off the hamster wheel of hell, and not engage in his mind twisted nonsense -- HE LEFT. Then tried to come back and I would not let him. I got my freedom, I got to stay in my house, the kids had some horrible moments with him but now we are mostly all ok. Knowing that issues will come up but one day at a time. I can not stress enough don't forget about your prayers, people! And spend lots of time with your family and people who truly care for you during this transition, so you don't get sucked back into this swamp of lies and deceit. ❤️🙌🏼 Praise God!
My husband did this at Christmas. He started out the holiday saying he would try really hard to make me happy from now on. I hosted family and he started out great but the last few days he reverted to his old ways. He tried to disrupt all the planning I did. He even sabotaged the coffee switching the special coffee that I bought for my guests with cheap coffee. Luckily I caught him. He hid presents and snacks and insulted my attempts to make things nice. Long story short now he’s acting like I did something to him because I refuse to ignore what he did. Not fighting and not talking??!
Hi Jane,
Christmas with a narcissist is usually problematic. Here is a resource that can help you understand why this happens: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/6-sneaky-tactics-narcissists-use-at-christmas/ Love and blessings xoxox
What is apparent to me, even after two years of narc education , is how the recovery advancements come incrementally slow. Even now I learn that a higher conciousness than before disorder is the pay off. Good friends say I should wean off vlogs. They mean well but have never been narc'd & I'm glad for that. Now definitely are indulging in an abundance of fun normallity. But to think I would have missed this vlog & recovery would have stagnated. Good updates of healthy information is not obsessive, it's self defense as any other type of activity humans endeavor in to protect themselves. Some need a gun, some need critical thinking.
This vlog is just incredible.
Thank you.
My pleasure Brad and so pleased this resonates with you xoxox
I did not know that my mother and sis are both narc. Until i was 57 yrs. Old. I knew the abuse and cruelity was heart breaking, i did not understand why they hated me.
I'm going thru this now I have no support I don't even bother getting anyone to understand it's not worth it it never works
It's like those bad seed movies where the good kid tries to warn everyone about the bad kid, and everyone thinks the bad kid is great and the good kid is bad, vengeful, crazy jealous, etc.... You are not alone! I've had a narc in law for 30 years who has utterly destroyed my family, including a suicide. She has everyone fooled and I've been played as the problem. She's got a sister who's also a narc so I've been double teamed by two narcs - imagine the fun of that. IIt's a nightmare.
sarah jenkins I totally understand, do the best for you! Some day and it will come, their lives unravel and sit back and watch, not very nice!
I feel you Sarah Jenkins. Having no support has kept me trying to live with the narcissistic abuse for too many years. I don’t talk about it anymore either. It’s a broken record. Thank God for Melanie!
Don't give up keep telling it
Get onto Vital Mind Psychology CZcams & website
He is the most informative person I have ever heard on these subjects
He shares for free full recovery programs helps you to help yrself recover/heal from Narcissistic abuse AND helps you discover yourself why you got trapped by the narcissists ect
Ive listened to 100s of people on these subjects & this man is hands down the best, as a TRUE Healer he gives you the knowledge information that helps you helps yourself doesnt require you to pay him to heal
A true Gift sent to us 🦋
I was married to a narc for 21 years . My second marriage , he was not the father of my two kids. I was his third wife ! He was physically, mentally , and verbally abusive to me ! I left him several times , but went back, because I missed my home & pets! The worse abuse came when my only brother died in 2013. I had my two cats and a pet hen. We would go out in the woods and pray for help! Mysteriously , my abusive husband dropped dead in our yard of a cerebral hemmorrage when he was yelling at me and coming after me to punch me in the face
linda from ga Praise God! He freed you and did it in a powerful way. God had had enough of his cruel treatment of you. I hope you agree finding happiness and peace.
WOW...KARMA..
GOD IS GREAT AND YR ONE AND ONLY TRUE FRIEND ! Enjoy yr life and love YRSELF and do not ever get committed to another Narc . PETS R SO MUCH BETTER !!
Aurora 26, I agree with you 100%!
Aurora26 ok why and the more I pray and pray it got WORSE for me, my partner ended it with me after 13 years together through ups and downs. Yet she is still going strong 💪 and I get beat down people turning on me like nobody’s business 😪. Why don’t God get her too? I don’t wish death on no one, but something like someone steal her truck🤔 she breaks an arm . Why I must be the one deserves to be punished from this she God from Hell.
It is exceptionally hard to get people to believe that my daughter might be a narcissist AND no one wants to hear a mother talk about her kid the way I feel like I need to talk to heal. But, you're right, needing other people to substantiate my own inner experience IS the whole problem.
Kathlyn Hinesley I can relate so much
Kathlyn Hinesley. My 22 yr old son is a covert narcissist and of course everyone he meets is charmed by him and falls in love with him. He burns a path of destruction thru every life that intersects with his for a season and treats me cruel to no end. I cry because I want him desperately to be healed and happy so I continue to pray to God who is the only one who can heal him.
OMG...bless you. I’m living the same nightmare with my 19 year old daughter. I can’t win no matter what I do for her. She’s very opportunistic and explosive with her rage it’s terrifying. Even when she brings me to tears, she shows no emotion, she even laughs at me. The only way things are calm, is if I just let her do whatever she wants. She’s threatened to move out so many times, the last time I finally told her to go. My family thinks I threw her out, which is what I’m sure she told them with a blatant lie, but I’ve been completely isolated. I’ve ended up in counseling over this ordeal. I hope she straightens her shit out, because I can’t help her anymore. My sanity is gone and I’m broken emotionally. There’s not enough research or references to adult child narcs. It’s devastating.
I'm living it too with my 17 year old daughter! Sometimes just hearing her voice in another room when I wake up in the morning makes me want to roll back over and stay in bed until she leaves.
My covert husband is exactly this way. My saving grace is that my 2 good friends are married to the same kind. We support each other.
Christine Miller yes!
Christine Miller I feel for you
RUN....RUN... RUN! I just finally divorced my narcissistic husband this last February 21, 2017 of 30 years with three children, now all grown with 9 grandkids total. I tried to leave and did leave actually 5 times, (starting 2001) and filed for divorce 3 times, finally saying to myself that I'm not going to take anymore lies and drama in my life that I kept accepting. I have had no contact either with him (solely my doings) because I wasn't going to give him anymore supply for him to feed off of. I was finally done and I meant it this last time Sept, 2015. Our youngest - which is our only son, literally and truely hates his father and wants nothing to do with him. He's also had enough. I feel for all that haven't left yet, as that's the hardest part. But I understand the reasons you keep going back, but I blame myself now that I ever kept giving him chances. Please don't wait as long as I did, as it's not going to do any good at all if you wait. He will not ever ever change his way, and it gets worse each time I went back and it started again. He lied, cheated, drank too so that was also against his actions, and I had enough. You will one day have enough, and realize you can't change him.
Christine Miller It's epidemic! I am a psychologist specializing in nacisisstic abuse if any of you need any help. Also, spartenlifecoach is brilliant and funny (on YT). He's also had first hand experience with narc abuse in family and relationships and overcome it. He's awesome.
Connie Lynn Yes, I was legally separated twice, you have to be separated legally for 6 mo in my state, & went back. But by the time I was 25, I was out of there!
I had to leave the state because he was stalking me for the entire time we were married (and separated) & I feared for my life. But I never made that mistake again!
thats there goal to leave you looking like the looney
Aatikah Carmen happy yes omg have I fed in lord for too long I’m learning now ... they are dipicable
I used to ask my narc ex why everything and everyone else was a priority over me. I told him I didn't even need to be his top priority and not even on his top ten list of priorities, that I just needed to be somewhere on his priority list.
thats fucked up you would be okay with 10+ before you
Do not EVER accept that. EVER! Youbhear me? You deserve to be a priority and don’t accept any less . Don’t ever say or think that again
@Nyree Harris let's accept responsibility and stop being the Victim . Get some good counseling before throwing ur relationship away.
@Nyree Harris I got her back yesterday. She has no job no where to go. So I brought her back in. She isn't allowed to have a cell phone anymore. I took it away. This is the problem w all this the cell phone is the reason for this.
The cell phones give access to this damaging brainwashing crap. If she can prove herself I may give it back.
Women must listen and submit. Thanks🤨
I love what you said about having someone help us heal and we don't. And Your Right!! But it's been a journey of self discovery. Like a baby learning to self soothe
These videos are amazing. I married on who was covert during our marriage and overt during our divorce. He fits all the signs of a classic narcissist save for the fact that his ways are more insidious than overly emotional or out of control. I cannot believe how many people were raised by narcissist, my heart goes out to you. No child deserves that, I hope you all find peace and strength because of it.
You nailed it on every point. The elaborate kid's b-day parties were never about our kids but more about how awesome the "party appearance" was. Every one of them looked like a Pinterest shoot!
I realize the guy who keeps ghosting me is a narcissist. He leaves to make me miss him and expects alot of praise and love when he pops back up later. If i disagree with him...he runs away. He admits to being whatever person people need him to be. I think he has two personalities. I explain things to him like hes a child and he understands. Yet...i wont make him my boyfriend again.
Totally relate to this: when I caught her having various affairs, all she was worried about was my contacting her various lovers' families with evidence I'd collected. She hasn't cared a wink about me for months. Ungrateful, unempathetic, charming for a time, but totally selfish ... I'm good now, but had never encountered such a severe narcissist before, and I didn't want to believe she could be so cruel and callous. But this was surely her pattern before I met her, never being in a serious relationship for more than a year or two, living alone, no kids, no friends, no hobbies (other than two hours of makeup and hair in morning mirror) other than going to the gym to flirt and bed desperate muscleheads, no job lasting more than a year, not making any $ at her home based business cuz she spent all her time surfing losers on Ashley Madison, no siblings, etc. etc.
Ditto...there's no hope for them..stay strong.
My pedophile mother, child-beating father, and my abusive (both ways) sister were narcissists. I saw two (husband and wife team) therapists who were narcissists.
It chewed up about 45 years of my life....Finally I got somewhat free and started seeing a deeply empathic therapist.
First, I give myself credit for saying out loud to myself, "I deserve and need EMPATHY!"
Then, I give credit to her. She identifies narcissistic behavior as such. Slowly, which is how it happens, she is helping me through some semblance of recovery. I am 55 now.....and still working.
This woman understands very well what she is talking about. Excellent video. Thank you.
My pleasure and wishing you wonderful healing and freedom xoxox
Thank you.
Wow you are right. My friend used to call her narciscist a 'street angel, house devil'...no one imagined!
Yes. What I have done is to let people think what they want. I am now at peace with no contact. All I know is that he treated me with disrespect and cruelty. That was enough for me to move on and never look back. His numerous admirers are being duped, but there is nothing I can do.
It took me a long time to realize that I was setting myself up for these kinds of relationships. I was obviously hurt and angry and I found the listening ears of narcissists. They knew exactly what to do and what to say. I was so naïve!
When it came down to it...you were right about another very important fact. I didn't need him to heal. I needed to allow myself to heal. I needed to know that it was ok to be mad right now, but I had to move on too. I needed to know that the apology I wanted would never manifest. That forgiveness was something I gave regardless of the apology. Not that an apology would work from those types. They forget ...that if "they" are ASKING for forgiveness, if they mean it they will repent/change. But they can't and they won't so their apology is bunk. Always was anyway.
I was so used to falling for all the ways my feelings were dismissed for their more important ones that I simply forgot to love myself. My confidence just took a free fall. I remember saying things like "I used to laugh".
In the end it was up to me to decide if I really wanted to be happy and when it came down to it....happiness doesn't require being in a relationship. You either are or you aren't happy. And when someone tells me that they are looking for that person that will make them happy? I am quick to say that I am not that person. I am quick to say that if you aren't happy? Then there is absolutely nothing I can do that will make you happy in this life or any other. That simple.
Awesome share Christienah!! Thank you and keep thriving sweetheart because there is nothing else to do!! xoxox
Thank you, Melanie. If there is any advice I really wish would become common, it would be this. Looking for your "other half" is the same as saying "I'm looking for someone broken like me."
YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU WHOLE!
You both need to be whole or it is like trying to stand on two legs with broken ankles. Who wants a half a person anyway? You are responsible for your own happiness and they are responsible for theirs. Otherwise, you are a meaningless emotional servant feeding a black hole.
Well said Chrstienah! :)
@@ChristienahRobertsonTravis Wow! Your statement is so insightful!
OMG, EXACTLY. U HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. I SAID THAT EXACT THING. " I USE TO LAUGJ". He kept saying why are u so angry and unhappy. I said, bcyz of YOU!! I said ur shady actions ARE the way I react to what ur saying or doing, or blaming me for.
I realized EVERYTHING HE blamed me for, IS WHAT HE WAS DOING BEHIND MY BACK. He had a GF entire time, but said he didnt F' her. I finally found out where she lived, went there at 2am. he truck was there, knocked on door. She wanted to kill me. HE was defending her, mad at ME, never said sorry, had excuses, AFTER they both said they are getting restraining orders on me. Bla bla bla. NEVER Did. CONTACTED ME LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED to me to get over it, kept doing it, kept having excuses, but kept saying, never F 'd her...excuse was, get medicine, help w/ a lamp, dropped off something, picked something, she was my carpool dummy. OMG, so much I can say....! I even wld find him sitting in truck down street, found him in backyard at 4am, scared me to death, he did that 2x. HE always texted me. Bcuz he needed to know where I was at all times. BUT I wld go to his house not home, wait there, catch him confront him. He said he parked AROUND THE CORNER, haha. I use to play games right back, he wld flip. I played I parked around corner back to him, but IM the liar, I'm the slut, I said HOW DO U LIKE IT??? He was pissed. He was good about NOT answering any QUESTIONS, BUT he ANSWERED all of them w/a QUESTION, or he wld [I call circle back], he wld lie about orig story, or he wld change story, or blame me the question I was
ASKING HIM & faulted it back on me. Or I wld ask him QUESTIONS, bcuz he had been lieing, ask QUESTIONS all the time, that use to piss him off. He tells me HOW COME U ARE THE ONLY ONE I DO THIS WITH. I DONT FIGHT W/ ANYBODY, THEY DONT ASK ME QUESTIONS, bla bla bla. Well DUH U (HE) DOESNT DO THIS TO ANYONE ELSE.
I CAN GO ON and on, bottom line, I got so sick of it, I started texting (his GF. Side chick, or I was..?) All his texted, let her know when we F'd, pissed him off, I told him me or her, if her leave me alone, he didnt, he kept swapping back and forth, I told him STOP TEXTIN ME LEAVE ME ALONE, OUT OF UR LIFE, AND MY NAME OUT OF UR MOUTH, ILL STOP TEXTING HER. OF COURSE I CALL IT OFF, THEN HE COMES BACK, wanting the breakup credit, saying stay away from me bla bla, then starts threat to me...long story short, havent talked in 2 days!! IM DONE!! it hurts, dunno why, I miss him, but not worth! OVER & DONE!
I see I've been going about my recovery all wrong. I've been watching narc videos for almost a year, and all I can think about is what she and her group did to me. Most of the videos I watch seem to make me get more stressed out. I'm full of anger! I went to your quanta-healing link, and although I have yet to buy anything, just reading what you've written there, made me realize I need to rethink things. I don't want to live the rest of my life in anger and despair. I want to move forward! And I can't, until I address the issues that got me here in the first place.
That is great that you are gravitating towards Thriving xoxox
Sending you love and empathy. I definitely have been where you have been andI promise you it will get better. I don't blame you for being angry at all. After years and years, I finally realized that I wasn't able to move on because of my self esteem. I always started off as someone who had a good dose of healthy self esteem - confident, friendly, happy, kind to myself and others yet being around narcs has depleted my self esteem over time, no matter how much of a good person I am. I've recently come across subliminal videos here on youtube as my own form of meditation - the youtube channel is called "mind power" and i highly recommend it. I listen to "love yourself" or "develop self esteem" and it has helped me to become the person I once was but now smarter. The narcs still try to bring me down but at least I am able to control my emotions so much better. Remember to go gray rock and continue to be the wonderful person you are (not to them though). The reason why they bring you down is because you're waaaay up. Wishing you the best, my friend!
Thank you
That's why we go no contact. Because we get reminded and re-traumatised. Know they are programmed that way - it wasn't personal and you were somehow programmed to continue suffering it. The great thing is you can change. Recognise them, there are more, and learn to not get sucked in to their dramas and not to tolerate them. They have nothing for you. What an opportunity for a better life! Accept ourselves and not hold on to what doesn't serve us. Courageously come out of that past misery. Embrace freedom.
Thank you. I actually recently got caught up in another mess, by young victim of this same group. She is a victim, no doubt, and her wounds are deep, from being trapped in it since birth, but she was taking advantage of me trying to help her out of a jam, and I had to put a stop to it. It was hard to cut her off, but I did it. I hope she gets help, but she's going to have to help herself.
I'm a fawning fool. :(
I have no idea how people survive this. Maybe it's because my own childhood abandonment/abuse/trauma has been severely triggered over the past few years, but I feel like an abandoned 4 year old. All I can do right now is cry and ask "how could he?" and, "why doesn't he love and care for me, like he promised he would?"
I feel so weak and pathetic, because as I'm starting to realize I might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, yet all I want still is for him to understand and wrap his arms around me and say he's sorry and love me forever. Over the course of this relationship, I developed Interstitial Cystitis - very painful chronic bladder pain condition. I don't understand how I'm supposed to be okay on my own with this. I feel no one will ever want me because of this horrible condition.
The ending of your vid was beautiful - I must somehow figure out how to do "self-partnering." I've already been trying to practice self-compassion and convince myself I'm worthy of compassion. I need to give myself positive pep talks and hug myself when I wish he would hug me.
This may help Marie blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-is-self-partnering/ xoxoxo
Marie M you may discover that your health issues resolve themselves after you start detaching from your narc abuser. I've suffered with chronic pain, fibromyalgia, depression and numerous other health problems. Since recognizing the abuse for what it is and getting counseling with good therapists, my health problems are diminishing. I feel physically better now than I have in 20 years! There is hope, Don't give up. Even if your problem doesn't get better, there are decent people out there who will truly love you regardless of any health issue.
YOU ARE LOVED!!!!!!!!! XOXO :)
Marie M
Get out, away from him, as often as possible and meet lots and lots of new people, only this time establish rules of engagement!
Marie M
Lack of physical contact is the hardest part because they instinctively know that physical contact, any kind sexual or not, means love and acceptance, and they don't EVER want you to feel that. They are poison, Just keep telling yourself that. And start living your life as if he didn't exist even if you live with him.
ive always had this life motto that i strongly believe to be true: you get what u want when u no longer need it
Thank you for providing clarity. I have come to the realization as an adult that I was raised by a malignant narcissist, who was cruel to myself, my siblings and my father for the reasons described in the video; there are few accolades to be gained within a family for being a wife and mother. From as young as age 5 she would gaslight me, blame me, and play the martyr, even going as far as continually declaring that her life was so much better before having children.
My pleasure BKLNHobo. This may off you more clarity and validation hun blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-heal-the-wounds-from-narcissistic-mothers/ love and blessings to you and your family xoxox
Self partnering, profound. Never needing someone else to heal, giving myself what I would want from another. Absolutely brilliant...this is my goal now. The biggest part of the healing process. It has been such an eye-opening journey. Finally working my way through the lies, manipulation, shaming all my life. Family get together this weekend. Brother has been shaming me & now we will meet. Just another sick-o who followed in mothers footsteps. Thankfully I have you for guidance Melanie. Walking away just never felt so good. Thank you for your incite Melanie, I will be using it again... 😊💗
Aww Debbie, you are SO welcome sweetheart. Self partnering is a key step in recovery so I am thrilled you are making this a goal, this blog may help with this too blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-10-most-impactful-ways-to-start-self-partnering-right-now/ Good luck at the family get together. Love and blessings to you xoxox
Woke up to this video, it's 6 am on a beautiful sunny day. Thank you for the refreshing message of hope and strength. Good wishes to all you survivors! Xx
I met a Nar. About 3 years ago. I swear I didn't know he was a Nar. Nothing I said did he ever acknowledge. He had no feelings for others. He likes to put on a show for everyone on social media. He looks down on me and talk down on me. I started feeling like I was going crazy til I did some research. Now I know it's not me. But in the back if my head I feel it's gonna get better, but I know it won't ever get better.
I needed to hear this. I divorced mine two years ago. He continue to say he want me back. He's been with many women since our divorce not to mention the ones during the marriage. I too was confused because he's so much better with his current woman friend than he ever was with me. He buy her everything, drive her every where. Very very nice. So to hear your video I now know that he's got something up his sleeve for her. It's all a cover and he's not a changed man.
Hi QponHoney, this video may help too blog.melanietoniaevans.com/do-narcissists-treat-their-new-supply-differently/ xoxox
This is a textbook description of the experience I was having with one of my family members. I tried and tried to deal with them because they were family until I went from tried to tired. Good thing I was following your solution the whole time.
Narcissists must be in unphathomable pain to do the things they do. It's too bad life has to be so hard on this plane.
Narc's arent in ANY PAIN. They transfer all of it onto their victims and cause THEM "unphathomable pain". No conscience = no introspection = NO PAIN. Let's put our sympathy where it belongs. Narcissistic MONSTERS deserve zero sympathy and their VICTIMS/TARGETS DESERVE ALL OF IT (and most often get NONE)! The fact that they have duped most of society into sympathizing with and supporting them in their evil should suffice for now. I have a very very sore spot for anyone who sympathizes with a narc beast.
IT IS VERY SAD.. BUT THEY DONT WANT TO H EAR THAT UNLESS IN "GETTING SYMPATHY" MODE...AND I DO FEEL HIS PAIN..BECOZ HES TOLD ME HOW BADLY HE WAS TREATED AS A CHILD..AND SO WAS I, NOT BY MY PARENTS BY MY NARC BROTHER.. HE DECIDED ..LOL WHEN MY PARENTS SPLIT UP..HE WAS NOW THE "BOSS" OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY..AND WAS MY ABUSER... WHEN I WAS ABOUT 37, I GOT HIM TO FINALLY LISTEN TO WHAT HE'D DONE TO ME..AND APOLOGIZE.. REAL OR NOT..I TOOK IT FOR ""ME""... I HAD ALREADY FORGIVEN HIM YRS BEFORE... (ABOUT AGE 28-29)... IT IS NOT HARD FOR ME TO FORGIVE... MY PROBLEM IS THAT I FORGET WHAT THEYVE DONE... AND ALLOW IT OVER AND OVER... AND I KNOW BETTER... BECOZ OF THE LOVE I HAVE FOR THESE PEOPLE IN ME... THATS WHAT I FIGHT!
They're possessed. All of them. They do what their demons motivate them to do, and they have no foresight or insight beyond that.
It Took me 25 years to realize who she was , and for a long time I felt so guilty , since dating to even after divorce couldn’t understand how much damage she did in my life , her mother is also the same way, so I dealt with 2 ... I took some serious pain in my soul , heart and health ... after all that trauma , I’m so grateful I can finally understand, it wasn’t all me. I’m certainly far away from being perfect but I thought I was going crazy. Very expensive Toll you’ll pay , when such a person gets involved in your life . Run !!!!!!!
OMG. I see a glimmer of hope... this is my first step to healing and the small thread I'm having on to needs to be "sewn" back together. Yes, I'm petrified and almost gave up a few days ago... It's been years and years of unthinkable trauma and I'm still living it daily. Thank you for the glimmer of hope.
You are so welcome WildCat Sal AND when YOU are ready I would love you to connect to my free resources to help you further
www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings to you Dear One xoxox
I noticed that manipulators and users have ONE or TWO people that they spare no expenses for and will always cater to.
However the people that they think worthy enough of their efforts are not necessarily their “golden child” but a friend or new love interest.
Why is this?
Hi Whispering Acts - they grant them Grade A narcissistic supply hun - blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-is-narcissistic-supply/ xoxox
This is an exact description of the person on my mind when I watched the video... it's so sad when it's family and you've always wanted love and peace from that person.
Wow this means I need to get out! I thought I was going crazy.... This is him to a T
What my kids do to me. Their narcissistic gaslighting has ruined our relationship and I have no desire to communicate with them. Took a long time, but this Christmas season put an end to it. Being told that, as well as my daughter refusing to have anything to do with me, she gave her brother strict orders not to tell me anything about her; and after receiving a frantic call from my husband regarding my daughter's welfare, my son tells me the only time he wants to hear from my husband is if I'm dead or dying? Yeah, no. FTS!
And to think, I allllmost subjected my children to this character. He is the worst person I've ever known, hope it stays that way. I'm completely over him and it. I feel so happy and so free. Dumping the toxicity from my body, words cannot describe the amazing feeling. Once you learn the nature of the beast, leaving and letting go for good, becomes SO MUCH EASIER.
I broke away
Anthony Keller was it a family member or ex?
Anthony Keller : Same here. My NPD father thought he could use emotional blackmail to force me to take care of him in his final years. I refused. I have gone no contact. Then I hear the latest nursing home and they talk about how he is old and amazing. For a few days. Until he acts out and then leaves to live on the street. Very sad way to end your life. Broke and homeless.
They create their own demise through their own behaviour. if you pity them or try to help them, just like a snake they will bite the hand that fed them. @@claireclaire7504
It's all so sad. I wish ppl weren't like this. Why can't they see tht even if they are hurting their target at the end of the day they're only hurting themselves the most. Shame.
The perimeters of their mental condition prevent from having emotional empathy, compassion, and the ability to acknowledge there’s anything wrong with them. This is a toxic self defense mental shield they developed in response to their own abusive upbringing that stunts those parts of the mind from developing. Unfortunately once that self defense tactic is in place, it’s there permanently. No cure and no treatment exists for it as a result.
Wow. Never thought someone could provide such great insight. You are opening a whole new world of ideas. And it makes me rethink everything. Thank you!
It's a blessing in disguise because if you didn't go through what you have so many more people would continue to suffer because you wouldn't be able to help so many other people, you helped me so much Thank you
Si so true Danielle, it is a blessing in disguise, in so many ways xoxox