Silent Treatment: What Is It, How to Tackle It
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- čas přidán 12. 07. 2024
- 2 of every 3 people gave the silent treatment. It is increasing as alternative modes of interpersonal communication become mainstream.
Silent treatment is (1) efficiently punitive (2) social (takes a perpetrator and a target) (3) manipulative (controlling) (4) emotionally distant (5) exclusionary (6) plausibly deniable (element of gaslighting: not abuse) (7) coercive (forces the victim to apologize) (8) alloplastic (9) preserves negative affects (10) addictive (11) expressive (displeasure, disapproval, frustration, anger, disappointment, contempt) (12) creates uncertainty (13) attention-seeking (14) negating
Shunning, stonewalling, ghosting, blocking, banning, deleting comments between individuals - but not Tactical ignoring.
Passive givers perceive silent treatment as graceful, dignified, and conflict-avoidant.
Responsive to pressured requests, pleas, demands, or criticism.
Both verbal and bodily (avoidance of eye contact, physical distance)
Generates in both giver and receiver threatened needs of belonging, self-esteem, and meaningful existence. Giver’s perceived control enhanced.
Activates same area in brain that codes for physical and emotional pain anterior cingulate cortex.
What to do about silent treatment?
Chill rather than silent treatment: ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later, in 1 hour.’
Voice the pain of being ignored (Margaret Clark, psychology professor at Yale)
Set Healthy Boundaries
Communication protocols (I statements and naming the situation)
Acknowledge other person’s feelings
Apologize only if justified, do not reward (positively reinforce) silent treatment
Practice self-care
Don’t take it personally
Stay calm
Use humor
Avoid escalation, blaming, shaming
Seek help and succor
LITERATURE
Williams, K. D., Shore, W. J., & Grahe, J. E. (1998). The Silent Treatment: Perceptions of its Behaviors and Associated Feelings. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 1(2), 117-141. doi.org/10.1177/1368430298012002
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
There was a husband who had been giving his wife the silent treatment for months. Before bed, he instructed her, "I have to get up tomorrow at 5:30 a.m., so make sure you wake me up on time." The next morning he wakes up at 9:00 a.m., having slept through his alarm. He's alone and there's a note on his bedside table, saying "It's 5:30 a.m.; Get Up."
😂😂😂😄❣️ - Genius 👏👏👏👍
🎉😂
👍👍👍😅
Well, he asked for it.
😭😭😭😭
I'm getting the silent treatment coz I set in boundaries and standards.
Run!!!
At this time, it is the hardest thing to find a person with a healthy psychology who does not play this type of relationship games. It is also very difficult to stay healthy among dysregulated people.
💯
It's always either a friendship, romantic relationship, or family member(s) It's the reason behind when I get to know someone, I learn who they are, what their parents are like.
The silent treatment I can handle, it sucks because of how it makes me feel unworthy of being loved but I can wait it out. What I find extremely painful is once they decide their done with their silent treatment and begin communicating again, they pretend as if it never happened. They act like I imagined 2 or 3 days of 1 word answers or complete silence and get an attitude that I'm feeling disconnected or like a wounded animal. I don't know how to deal with that.
I deal with the same thing. My husband never resolve anything because he refuses to talk about anything. He wants to make decisions and inform me like I am a Stepford wife and that is a profit me. So when I question him he shuts down and gives me the silent treatment and then when he is ready to talk he does not want to discuss the very issue that caused the silence. It is frustrating, I feel like we are in this constant spin cycle of never ending issues.
I am torn whether to stay or to leave.
I understand @@bawdybyjade3881
I'm in the same situation with my husband. They do something wrong, you call them out, and you get the silent treatment. The worst part of it all is that after days of this behavior, they want to just start talking again like nothing ever happened. Basically, just not wanting to discuss the issue, why everything started in the first place. It causes so much damage to the person receiving the silent treatment mentally and eventually physically. It's exhausting!! God bless everyone who's suffering from this same abuse.
It's kind of ironic... I spent my entire childhood guilt tripped by my step-mother as she used the silent treatment as a form of punishment when it best suited her. My father was a man of few words & me being an only child made the days of being completely ignored and left in silence to ponder whatever.. last that much longer (mind you we often did not have a phone or t.v. & many of the places we moved to were so isolated you needed a car to see other people). I grew accustomed to her childish behavior & learned to ignore her attempts at making me feel unworthy of her time or attention. When her & my father divorced they became MIA for days & weeks at a time so at age 13-14 I was left alone to care for my new baby brother. I didn't want to alert nosey meddlers and potential ill intentioned predators that there was a 13 yr old girl & nearly 1 yr old boy left alone for days at tent camp sites or weekly hotels so I kept to myself as best I could & made excuses when necessary. I was granted permission by my highschool principal to bring my baby brother to school & put him in the teen mom daycare center while I attended classes.
Then my stepmom showed up 1 day out of the blue & took my brother back and said I was on my own that she wasn't sure where my dad went. I stayed at a school friends house that no child should have lived at while I tried to find my dad. My stepmom soon learned how hard it was to be a full time mom & started leaving my brother w/me again off n on. Then my unofficial foster parents announced they were divorcing, w/ foster mom getting booted to the street so foster dad could move my stepmom & baby brother in. Talk about Crazy! I tried pleading with her that he was abusive and a dangerous unhinged individual, but what could I know. Soon enough she found out just how bad he was. He didn't play the silent treatment game with her, and used his fists to make his point clear, & often.
He was a very loud in your face & space person 90% of the time... so on the rare occasion he pulled the silent treatment, it was pure bliss. I mean you could cut the tension in the air with a knife it was so thick but the quiet was to me a blessing. You had to learn to pretend to be offended though because if he suspected his childish game wasn't having the intended effect then it was back to screaming yelling breaking things or worse. Talk about dysfunctional. Luckily I was not a prisoner and I left. Made my own way in life. Had my own place, management position employment, a car & my own child by age 16. I got my GED at 18 & joined the ARMY as a truck driver (88M) & went on to college not earning a degree however earning many certifications & licenses in other professional fields. I swore to myself I would NEVER allow a person to treat me the way my step mom & "foster dad" did. I walked away from several budding relationships for that exact reason as well as 2 marriages.
My husband now & I have been together 14 years, I can honestly say he is my best friend and the love of my life. We both had issues we brought with us from our previous failed relationships but learned how to trust & communicate & most of all, we learned it isn't always sunshine and daisy's. It's learning to compromise, agree to disagree, judgement belongs in criminal court, having eachothers back even when you disagree, respect and equality can help you weather any storm sure to cloud your day. The silent treatment issue is of course one heck of a speed bump but we have made progress by exposing him to the damage it causes to ones psyche, the hurt it inflicts and how deep it goes. Nobody wants to discover the person they love is being abused especially when they realize they are the culprit. That goes just as much for pretending the silent treatment never happened. I'm thankful I no longer have a reason to look forward to the silent treatment just to escape or have some reprieve from worse treatment.
@Chrissy856 this.
My ex-husband gave me a 4 months silent treatment. Thank you for putting words on the pain
My husband has been giving me the silent treatment on and off for our entire marriage (35+ years). There is even one incident I remember before we were married but until about 11 years ago I did not understand it was abuse. I did not even call it silent treatment. Many times I had no idea what I did wrong. Over the years it has become mentally devastating to me. I started to believe I am crazy. I am 54 years old and I don't want to live like this anymore yet I can't walk away. Nobody understands the physical and emotional pain the silent treatment caused me. 😪
Believe there is No Can't !!!
I had the same silent treatment until he died of brain cancer after 31 years of marriage.
I can feel your pain.......
Same here for more than 42 years .Now I am fed up ..........
The silent treatment is ABUSE . DELIBERATE ABUSE .
Sending you much love. Walking away is certainly not easy, I have just done it in my relationship of only nine years and there is a lot to unravel and organise and sort out in my life to get it back on track. Big tasks start with one small step. Take small steps not drastic ones. Do things while you are still loving together to prepare yourself for when/of you leave. Things like your money, where you will live, how you will work. Do all that before leaving. Plan plan plan. Get yourself ready. Jane a support network in place, books to real, journals to write in, more great videos to watch and get you through. If you are going to need to go to court collect the evidence you need now for your case. Before you go! Look for a decent lawyer. There are plenty of absolutely abusive terrible lawyers (I have just experienced this) who want to string the process along and make tons of money. Tell your lawyer you want to file immediately, no questions, you can only get things done on court, otherwise your partner can continue the silent treatment with his lawyer ignoring you as my X has done. It is devastating and costly.
Best of luck and love.
My narcissistic estranged husband used the silent treatment with me as punishment whenever his favorite football team lost, which was frequently. For days after the team's loss, he stomped around in "silent" rage, slamming doors & drawers, or yelling & cursing at me if I tried to talk to him, or at the dog or the cats if they somehow annoyed him. This was year after year during football season, which I grew to dread. I learned to give him his space and simply ignore him unless he was being mean to one of the animals. When his anger appeared to dissipate after a few days, it was like a switch. He then turned on me, accusing me of giving HIM the silent treatment. He acted like nothing happened, or it was no big deal. Gaslighter extraordinaire. We had so many arguments about it. He said I'd never "get" that his team loyalty was normal because I didn't grow up in his hometown. Just one of the many reasons our divorce is pending.
You have been extra😮ordinarily patient....what a terrible bully.
I have been the subject of the silent treatment by my daughter (36) for 10 months now. She wants me to "figure it out" and "find peace without her" after I impulsively called her out on a pattern of silent treatments and I told her I didn't feel emotionally safe around her. I did apologize. She has not said a word, ignored my reaching out on holidays and Mother's Day. We were close and talked at least twice a week. I have been struggling with depression and severe anxiety. You see a lot on social media about narcissistic mothers these days, but not that much about adult children. Her father was a covert narcissist. He died at the age of 55, an alcoholic, and made my life hell years ago. I am sure she is mimicking his behavior, but it's not an excuse. I am out of ideas about how to stop it.. It's been heart wrenching.
The more you voice your pain, the more the narcissist will enjoy escalating and try to make you beg more and more to the point of destroying you.
The worst part is that she takes pleasure in it.
I am glad we’re divorcing finally.
After watching more than 200 videos on this channel, I can see based on her behavioral patterns for the past 15 years that she could be a covert narcissist.
On the other hand I have traits of dependency and wanted to play the “grandiose savior” to help her feel the unconditional love she was denied as a child.
The irony was that she used her parents to triangulate 😂😂😂.
As much as being alone in the desert of the soul hurts, I am finally starting to find joy in the small things in life, her voices in my head (introjects) are becoming clear and I am silencing them 1 by 1 as they appear.
To all who have been victimized, trust that there’s always light in the end of the tunnel. Don’t get too attached to diagnose your partner or yourself, just observe your behaviors and theirs to understand the situation and yourself better.
Abusive relationships are destructive and should be ended if couples can’t reconcile their differences.
Life is too short to waste it. It will take time, but who cares, take all the time you need.
This happened to me through my adolescent life by my mother. She refused to talk to me. Years later as I battled cancer she got upset with me about something and gave me the silent treatment turned the family against me and they all disinvited me to family gatherings. I actually didn’t know there were family outings until it was posted on social media later. I thought it was my fault. I was upset and co fused. Now I see it. I hope to heal and let go.
Same here. I have been shunned by my whole family too. As they have all sided with my mother. I didn't get the silent treatment from her growing up, but I was definitely verbally abused. And somehow she's the good guy & I'm the bad guy. May God bring healthy & loving people/ person into our lives. God bless you.
*And of course, healing.🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
My husband employed silent treatment and it was so confusing to me. I ALWAYS had to be the one to end it. Once I figured it out I decided to turn the tables and try it on him and just wait for him to end it. Not kidding. 2 years now. He won’t end it. Still married -ish.
Two years of the silent treatment? Sounds like you should divorce or go to couples therapy. That can't be fun to coexist with
@@hannahdurga3277 I’d say well beyond counselling- this sounds like a very stuck pattern
Oh my. How do you co-exist with a spouse you have not talk to in two years?
My husband does this to me occasionally. It is extremely painful and I always make the mistake of “reacting” which is what feeds this style of covert narcissism the necessary supply.
Whenever I address it, the blame is shifted and he struggles to take responsibility for this punitive behavior. It’s so maddening.
My favorite line: Sunshine is a disinfectant. 😂 Expose it to others.
I experienced this a few years ago. I was hundreds of miles from home, trapped with an emotionally abusive partner. I had an accident which resulted in surgery and very limited mobility and was instructed not to fly for 1 month. My 'partner', who had become increasingly abusive before the accident, subjected me to the silent treatment. He would provide a meal for me, as I was unable to do so and his family were aware of the situation (so he had to appear to be 'caring') but he would totally ignore me otherwise, not saying one word. I felt utterly worthless, confused and in more pain than my considerable physical injuries. When I expressed how lonely I felt to have a meal in total slience, as if I didn't exist, he responded with what I now understand is a narcissistic 'word salad' retort, along the lines of 'well, if there were three people here there would be more opportunity for conversation'. Utterly deflective, nonsensical, devoid of empathy and contemptuous - can you even call it a response? This continued on a daily basis - he treated me as a 'thing', like an animal he was obliged to keep alive. Thankfully, I did manage to return home but my physical recovery is so slow, I wonder if I have emotional trauma trapped within my body. I've tried many different therapies but haven't been able to resume 'normal' life, to the point where I can't walk properly. I don't want this horrific experience to have a hold over me but I don't know how to exorcise the pain. Perhaps I am subconsciously holding myself in a state of 'emergency' and therefore not releasing the tendons and muscles sufficiently to allow them to heal naturally. It really does shape your view of the world and the people around you but I'm determined to keep seeking the good in people and giving my best. To anyone who is experiencing anything similar, you're not alone - know that you are valuable, unique and blessed.
On using humour, I have often said how hilariously comformative my ex was to textbook description of narcissism and that it would have been comedic if it wasn't for how much I suffered from the narcissistic abuse. Before I found out about narcissism, the behaviour I encountered was just confoundingly ridiculous. After learning about it, it was almost like reading a journal documenting our entire relationship.
I faced that in my marriage. It was a torture. After months of no attention he just started to connect me from nowhere without addressing the issue. It was so painful that I stopped eating, destroyed some objects at home... I couldn't understand why someone for whom I was everything suddenly stopped being interseted if I am even alive. Finally, I told him I am not a toy and I am done. I divorced him. After few months he started to contact me again, sending the photos of the dog I bought with him (he knows I care for the dog)...I asked for no contact. Otherwise, I would inform the police. I don't want to go through the same pain again and again. Your posts help me to move on and I understood that I was always fascinated with men having the sociopathic traits. All my favourite movie characters were those. Now, I don't find it masculine any longer, as I know they are just immature children. It's not sexy any more 😂. I also stopped feeling anxious when getting a message from my ex. I know he is very unhappy person. I don't want any revenge, just to separate completely from him. Thank you for sharing the knowledge. It can safe a life.
In terms of self-healing from narcissistic abuse I begin from my own relational patterns (wounds, reactions, etc), that are patterned to survive this horrific condition. It’s not “the real me”, which is my core, loving self. It is the “survival self” patterned in the context of an aggressive and impossible relationship.
Tragically, I’m very familiar with the Silent Treatment, as a frequent weapon of choice from the narcissists, beginning from a young age. The pain & fear ran deep, as this tactical strategy was used and passed down inter generationally, creating craters of psyche pain.
THANK YOU, Dr. Vaknin - you continue to inspire my deepest healing! ❤ It is ONLY in the context of NPD / BPD / Psychopathy (the ‘dark triad’), that any of their madness makes sense. And by my acceptance, and living my values, that I can begin to really heal.
Wow this made me cry and I'm not a crier. Brought back a lot of pain from my childhood. My father, who I adored, would inflict silent treatment on me whenever I did something that displeased him. He was my best friend, my ally against an abusive, nasty, hateful mother. So when he would stop talking to me it was heartbreaking. He would look right through me as if I didn't exist and he could keep this up for a week. I think it set me up for a lifetime of terrible relationships. He died suddenly when I was 19 which weirdly was like eternal silent treatment. I knew he wasn't happy with the relationship I was in at the time and I felt guilty in a way, that somehow I had caused his death. In my late 50s still looking for Mr Right. Love these videos, very helpful in healing from narcissist abuse. I could write a book on it.
🥺
@@s.hicks7213 thank you but as the saying goes what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (or codependent or emotionally unattainable lol)
I’m so sorry, I know this pain.
My mother constantly used the silent treatment me growing up (it was very destabilizing). Now she uses it on my father. She sees herself as the victim.
You are a brilliant man doctor, your saving the lives of us victims of narcissistic abuse ❤.
You know how to tackle it? You ignore it and live your life. Eventually the passive aggressive idiot will catch on. Or they won't because they're too busy being mad. But who cares. You're living!
This helps me understand what happened in a friendship that went very wrong. I'm also amazed by the physical problems connected to "silent treatment" and I would really like to see those studies.
Thank you very much for this- I left him, and he is still here- he is not talking to me, and I did say something and wow he was so upset , I stopped saying anything anymore. Its like you dont want me so I left, and he is still here with me, not sure why I feel in a prison even more now then before.
Thank you so much, dear Sam Vaknin , the most handsome professor of psychology ever, on Earth 😊❤
Totally happened to me by a person that knew exactly how to manipulate. He did it for 8 months and talked to me until one month before passing but made sure to shift blame, humiliate etc etc even under his circumstances!
My ex tormented me with versions of the silent treatment. He was very good at using this tactic
Thank you Prof. When we are in a situation like this, is difficult to think clearly and pinpoint the real issues. It hurts to deeply… it really saddens me that the people we love the most could be capable of just seeing through our pain and feel satisfaction or contempt. As you said, the answer is self love. Today Im starting to care more about me, even if it hurts, even if I still feel like I’m not worthy… I hope I can find some peace
It is the saddest thing. The person you love most, not caring in the least, that you are hurt by their actions/non-actions. God bless you & may we continue healing.
My Ex narc would give the silent treatment even for days! Blue tick all my messeges and come back later on like nothing ever happened! These people are demented!
Love your sense of humor. Didn't expect I'd laugh while learning about narcissism. Thank you
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Love this I had urine & bowel did not realise silent treatment & mental abuse was causing this, got to get out and gain strength to end it
Always a pleasure
Just be glad they finally shut up, and go do something fun on your own or with other people and forget them. Preferably forever.
story of my last 12 years.... She give this regulary, a couple of good days and them boom - out of knowhere silence treatment that can last up to 3 months. At first I thought there are cultural differences between us but only recently learn about the narcissism and narcissfic abuse. She is a nurse, at work she professionally handover her patient yet when my todler with genetical condition been sick and she went to work - because of silence treatment she refused to communicate even about the time of last and next medication. Pure evil behaviour.
I’ve had this happen at work with the CEO and another leadership team member who gaslit me and gave me the silent treatment when I called out their bullshit. Two weeks of no eye contact, speaking or salutations. I loved it towards the end. I was productive and got a lot of work done as I did not have to speak with them . In the end, they needed me for their work so broke the silence . I so wanted it to continue as it showed me who they were, workplace bullies and morons, they are still struggling in their self created chaos , one has resigned the other narc will be found out by the board.
OMG, time for a wine break😁…I love every video.,now this one is my new favorite, I can’t believe how you are on point with everything you post. This is my life story with my spouse , so much abuse. And he wonders “why I’m crazy “.
Multumesc tare mult stimate domn profesor 😊
You’ve taught me so much. Thank you, Professor ❤️
Im going through it right now.
This brings back so much childhood pain.
I am as well. I am in Day 22 of the second silent treatment in 2 months. Only had 3 days of him talking to me after 31 days the first time. There won’t be a 3rd time
me too... id send my mom thsi video but shed only use it as more ammo to use against me. literally turned to the wall in a room full of family to avoid talking to me.
This is great in both detailing the impact of the silence and the strategies for addressing - thank you
Thank you for this. It’s very validating.
You are the best Sam !
Thank you Professor Sam Vaknin. This is very appreciated.
Probably the must important video I have ever watched.
Thank you Sam Vaknin for your awesome presenve in this world 🌎
Thank you for being so informative, intelligent and for a really good laugh.
Thank you Prof.Vaknin,for offering this enlightening lecture about silent treatment. Understanding the points of view are poignant and distressing. I’m curious about the relationship between silent treatment used as a passive act of fear of attachment/exploitation, vs an aggressive act of control, with CPTSD. Thanks again for the opportunity for provocation of thought.🌷
Thank you, very helpful.
Thank you so much Dear Professor ❤.
Thanks Sam for explaining in details
DO all the things that you love see the people you love go to the places you love to go. In a nutshell this is killing two birds with one stone, the narcissist will hate the idea of knowing you are happy. Lastly move on and start looking for someone new, make yourself look or feel good and attract someone that looks way better than they do even if they don’t it’s still two fingers up to the narcissist. So now you have focused your attention on someone else, doing things you love, around people who make you feel good, being in the right places that make you feel good. Sooner or later they will just be a thing of the past, slowly becoming more insignificant. Don’t sit around and dwell or over think things, accept them for who they are and force yourself every single day to do a few of these things. If you don’t have the energy at the start that’s fine lose yourself on Netflix or anything until you have fully rested and then go out and show the piece of crap that you can’t hold a good one down!
Long post ahead :) I've listened to many silent treatment videos and this is one of the best I came across so far. I'm still coming to terms with the silent treatment I'm receiving from a former friend. When i met her she was kind of obsessed with me and constantly buying me small presents, which I now know was the "love bombing phase". As she was new in the country, I introduced her to many people, invited her to parties, dinners, to my house, she met my children etc. While she shared some trauma from her past, she was very vague about her present life and she would never share what she was doing during weekends or after work. We did not have an argument however I did challenge her about her obvious eating disorder. She actually thanked me for my concern and told me that she had some therapy sessions. Everything was well for several months after that, but then she started avoiding me. It took me two months to realise it was on purpose as we work together and it can get very busy at times. I invited her on few events, asked her to meet me for coffee and since she was always providing excuses I told her to let me know when she has time for coffee. That was almost a year ago. First she stopped any communication which escalated to complete ignoring, avoiding eye contact and in few occasions she physically left or hid when she saw me. As you mention at the end of your video, I'm trying to use humor to overcome this as it is quite ridiculous when an adult woman hides behind a wall when she sees me in the washroom. I honestly don't know what I did. It is possible that she made a story in her head as she is quite paranoid. I'm 100% sure that if I ask her why is she ignoring me, she will pretend that everything is OK. She's conflict avoidant and constantly apologies for irrelevant things and makes excuses for other people. I have unfriended her from my social media as she is a stalker (never posting anything, but she was constantly checking my stories while in the same time ignoring me). As this has been going on for so long, I'm pretty much over it. However, the problem is that we work together. This lead to a few awkward encounters and people are starting to notice that smth is off. Any suggestions for me or just keep seeing it as immature and childish behaviour? I honestly don't want such a friend 😂
Thank you this will help me with my mother
Your lovely humour suits you, the more of it the better 🎉
wow, best video of this i've seen. Really helpful, thank you.
He gives me life! ❤
Thank you!
Amazing as always
Thank you for this!
Just today Ive received TS for the first time.
It hurt incredibly and funny thing, I havent even looked for the vid, it appeared in my feed because im subbed to the channel.
Bizzare coincidence for sure...
I love your videos. They have been really helpful to me
Thank you.
Don’t be a you-you.
Yo-yo never stops spinning.
I cee what you are doing, my friend, or are you my friend?
I see you.
Do you see me?
Re look or re spect each other.
Many people, specifically those who have been severely mistreated have difficulty with eye contact and are confused by facial expressions and touching is complicated.
Sad but many children now are just hiding and very distant from the dangerous world of pain from others.
They shut down.
Be gentle with the attention that you offer and patient in your calm manner and maybe the one who hides in silence behind their pain , will peek out at you and smile with happy eyes.
So worth it all.
Connection and joy!
Thank you
Grana Rose
Thank-you for this😊
Brilliant. Thank u Prof !
Brilliant explanation
Thank you ❤
Thank you for this video x
He started a silence treatment with me , since 3-4 months ago…..we had a relationship from a distance, ….he dont respond on my calls and messages….he read my msg…. but dont respond ….dont blocked me yet……I made my appologizes for my little guilty, I spoke about my upset soul…. but nothing changed….he is in a great silence with me…….!!!!! I wish to can forget and forgive…….!!!😢😢😢😢
highlight of my day
Thank you so much professor😍💗
The remedies 👏🏻👏🏻
That was golden.
Excellent content!!
Thanks 👍🏻
“Time for my wine break” I thought he was kidding. Ensues to take a sip of wine 😂.
For 17 years a dealt with it
So I finish doing the same thing
I just didn’t know the name for it.
It does make you sick and emotional unstable! But I am strong minded it. Now I am at the end of the bridge.
Thank you 🤗🥰
Very good!!!! Thank you!!!!
The main weapon of choice from ex in my marriage, 13 years ,,, could last for weeks, though towards the end it was the better place to be
thank you very much
Silent treatment is a mechanism of control, punishment and manipulation.
stand for yourself and walk away!
Silent treatment.
@@samvaknin just don't give me silent treatment for this :) mistake, I corrected, of course, " silent"
Thank you
great channel
My mom denied giving me the silent treatment for years until one day she slipped up and told me that she was ignoring my dad because he was in the dog house
Thé humor 😂 love it!
I appreciate you Sam! A big hug from Brazil 🇧🇷
Thanks for your collaboration with truly and real information about narcisissm and clusters B.
💎💎💎💎 thank you
My sister uses the silent treatment shame religion, ostracism, guilt, I went no contact and won’t be going back.
Loving you לאהוב אותך
If he refuses to open his mouth….open the door and walk away…
The worst form of silent treatment because it took me so long to understand what it really is happened with the man I now know I traumabonded with for 10 years.
I even had relationships during this time, but somehow he managed to get me back or keep me.
After my longest relationship of 5 years with a man I now can identify as a celibate/latent homosexual narcissist, I met this other man. He openly said he is drawn to macchiavellian and darwinistic ideas (I didn´t know what this should tell me about his character) and other things related to this BS, around fantasies of power etc.
But he wouldn´t tell much more about it so I thought let´s just get to know each other better and see if we can make sth out of it. It never happened. We met a handful of times over the years and he always stood me up after another meeting. I didn´t get it, I was SO "well-prepared" by my family and the way they completely ignored me and abused me to move forwards and grow with me as their object of hate or whatever, Idk.
Most of the time he could simply let me wait and get his sadistic joy through this. NOW I understand this, but back then I was SO insecure, I didn´t trust myself. And people who use this as their supply will never! make the mistake and validate what you feel, what you say. They will never admit that they´re using you for exactly this.
When my wife employs this, 20:44 I tend to go to the park and go for a walk. Usually, that would be the second walk for the day.
Hi Sam, When you say, I can express my pain while the person conducts the silent treatment, Should I do this even if the other person is wrong and I tried multiple ways to talk to them. Isn't it a reward for them if I react to their silent treatment and will make this behaviour continue to elicit a reaction? Especially , if I sense narcissism in the person
You act for your own wellbeing. What your partner makes of your actions is his/her business.
What is the Silent Treatment? Well, it is the elixir of gods, the ambrosia of life, and quite as rare too.
--Sincerely, introvert
Now, if I ever were in this position, it just so happens that one of my greatest talents is that I can give an hour-long lecture on a topic that interests me, any time, anywhere. Hearing a question like "hey, want to hear about all the different historical theories of mind?" would terrify anyone enough on the third time at the very latest, that I would at least get one word out of them. And then, they lost the game.
Great video Sam ☺️
What's the difference between "silent treatment" and "NO contact" ?
Thanks
No contact is final and permanent. Silent treatment is intermittent.
@@samvakninThank you Sam 😊
@@samvakninHow do I know when silent treatment turns into no contact, with a friend.
I use to do that when my now ex wife refuse to talk about issues that bothered me, like her staying in bed all day, not cleaning up after herself and the kids, and other Gass lighting tactics she would use to make me think I was crazy, it's the last sign of a failing relationship
Professor you just explained something i was experiencing because of my BPD GF, but luckily i have had enough knowledge of BPD and narcs that i reversed the whole game and treated the abuser with silent treatment.
So what happened?
@@notayoutuber09 she once again started to get my attentions which i am not giving her now. She sometimes acts as if she is ill so that i will ask her and show my affections. She also skips meals so that i take care of her and show my concern and love like before but all in Vain. I am done.
@@muhammadhassantahir7179 im at about 2 weeks no contact. I started doing my own thing, making plans etc. Im not planning to reach out. Hope the best for you bro, we got this!
keep it up. She might try to get your attention back. i am not only silent for a month but also I don't look at her even for a second.
@@muhammadhassantahir7179 Thanks buddy, she left her shit at my house, I know its for a reason before she left and to give me the silent treatment. Im about to put it in all im a box. Beautiful, smart, crazy successful, but just fucked up mentally.
My sister-in-law has played this game with my family for years. My brother would beg my parents to give in to her demands to make his home life easier. The demands were always financial. She would hold the grandkids over their heads, making promises of visits that never came. She would use this tatic on my parents constantly and they would give in. I gave in because my parents would say, if you love our family do this for your brother and us. I did as they asked feeling totally resentful. Why!! It made no sense, she had issues and using the kids and my brother as a card to play to get what she wants. I have not seen my niece or nephew in 25 years. She couldn't use that card, but she still had my brother as leverage. My parents passed away and she has tried playing the same mind games to get money off my husband and me. I dont have to take her crap anymore. So play the silence game, holding back my brother's visit. I have boundaries, my brother married her not me. My door is always open to him. When he can come over with no alternative motives but because he loves and misses us. My parents always gave in to her, i am not my parents.
Can you do more on how the silent treatment is addictive please , and how it relates to going no contact - as a longer term silent treatment.
Have you seen my video on silent treatment?
@samvaknin Dr., why do you inform and share with us? What made you want the world to know about " your" presumable past behaviors? Did you know something was wrong within you? Im currently being punished via silent treatment for daring to call him out and tell him that he was wrong. He doesnt like to text but had told me if it was important he would answer. Well it was, but he took 4 hrs to respond and only responded to threatened that he would go off if he pressed play on my message and it was regarding the same thing i texted earlier. I broke it off with him but somehow felt guilty for feeling abandoned by him and tried to reach out. He literally picked up and refused to say anything twice. I thought it was something wrong with the phone but my next calls went unanswered. It was then that i realized i was being punished. I love him but im tired. I left the door open for communication but i will not apologize. I kinda feel like thats what he's wanting. Do you think im dealing with someone narcissistic?
My partner was giving me silent treatment very often and started from 3 days and each time was longer and longer by 3,5 years went to 5 months. When he left home, I changed the locks and when he returned I contacted cops and took AVO against him. He was done for me for ever.
My ex-wife did it to me all the time. I got us in to couples therapy so I could expose it to a shrink. I knew she was F***ked up and wanted some resolution so the kids wouldn't think the shit was normal cuz they'd seen it since birth. Worthless damn shrink, along with the one later during the psych evaluation during the divorce both bought her charm and ate up her lies about how poor little her just got quiet and meek during arguments because she's a quiet low conflict type blah blah blah. Biggest liar I'd ever seen and the stupid F***king shrinks wouldn't do the work of getting to the bottom of who was lying and who was telling the truth. She convinced them of her victimhood in about an hour and they wouldn't question her, never saw a better manipulator in my life. Maybe there is a good shrink out there somewhere but I doubt it. So glad to be out of the family court system, most screwed up place on earth for a normal mentally healthy man and his kids.
Holy shit! I did not know how much I needed to hear this topic! This is a powerful one!
I cried during listening to this because it’s overwhelming having been on the receiving end of silent treatment from my ex bpd friend/parter, and now realizing what exactly I went through. I tried to blame it on a disorder and not on her (did not know it was bpd yet though). However it caused me to never bring up that she was using the silent treatment. I tried to “take one for the team” but that doesn’t work lol, things only got more abusive. She would talk to me again in a few hours or 1-3 days, with of course no conflict resolution discussion ever happening. Usually I’d end up apologizing and then we’d just continue on like nothing happened.
Thank you Dr. Vaknin for this video, and your incredibly insightful and detailed analyses!Your videos have helped me gain knowledge, freedom, and reassurance!
Is tactical ignoring also a form of manipulation and thus also a toxic trait much the same as silent treatment? I’m not sure if I fully understand the difference and would greatly appreciate any clarification.
Thanks for all you do!