8 Signs You're Not "Nice", But A People Pleaser
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- Being nice has to do with how we treat other people. But what about how we treat ourselves? What if the “niceness” we show to others actually comes at the expense of our own happiness and well-being? Here are a few tell-tale signs that what you’re actually struggling with isn’t being “too nice” but being too much of a people pleaser.
Are you too nice for your own good? If so, you may relate to this video: • 8 Signs You Are Too Ni...
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera / amandasilvera
Animator: Cristina
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Cox, S. (2004). Curing fixer-pleaser syndrome. Nursing 2020, 34(5), 64.
Braiker, H. B., & Reading, K. (2001). The disease to please: Curing the people-pleasing syndrome (p. 0). New York: McGraw-Hill.
Ehman, K. (2021). When making others happy is making you miserable: how to break the pattern of people-pleasing and confidently live your life.
Hinton Jr, A. O., McReynolds, M. R., Martinez, D., Shuler, H. D., & Termini, C. M. (2020). The power of saying no. EMBO reports, 21(7), e50918.
Fine, M. (2013). The need to please: mindfulness skills to gain freedom from people pleasing and approval seeking. New Harbinger Publications.
Do you have stories of when you might have felt you were people pleasing and how did you handle those thoughts?
I love your anime references ❤️ please keep up the great work! Love the channel and staff! ❤️
Also, could you please make a video on 'oblivious-codependents'? That's a huge problem that actually exists. Thank you.
Umm...
Idk...hehe
Umm, i do get...like i make deals kinda i also take help from them...and try to say no but not on their face tho...
I am starting to focus on my self more from now on.....
Like indirectly directly...
U get me?
I mean try to say that in a polite way...
I don't people please anymore I just be real why people please just be yourself
0:49 You tend to over-apologize
1:28 You struggle to say no
2:01 You agree with everyone
2:36 You change for others
3:12 You're uncomfortable with conflict
3:44 You take responsibility for others' feelings
4:14 You seek validation
4:52 You don't speak your feelings
Don't be so nice that you start resenting the people you're friendly to. Take care of yourself first.
Thankss
Thank you!
1 month ago!?
Thanks
Time traveler
Yep, i'm a people pleaser. It's not as bad as it was when i was younger, but i still avoid conflicts, apologize a lot, agree with everyone, hide my actual feelings and seek validation
Yeah, I'm the same way, just so I don't hurt their feelings or something
That's so me 😭
*Same. It’s because I just hate conflict and the feeling when you know someone is mad at you.*
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Never agree with everyone that's what they want just be you
"You're so nice!" Is the word I hear all the time when the people around me start to take advantage of me.
I used to over-apologize, but I try not to do this anymore. I also used to be afraid to say no, but nowadays, I use the word no as a mantra, and it’s really helped me be ok with saying no more often. I still struggle with certain things, like wondering if people are mad at me, hiding things about myself in front of others, and this involves things about my disabilities, especially my physical handicap. I also don’t speak up if my feelings are hurt, or if I’m strugglling. I tend to bottle them up and say that nothing is wrong and that I’m ok. But I’m working on these things, because people pleasing can be very dark.
I know all about this.
This is EXACTLY what I’m going through right now!
good luck working with yourself, hope you the best stay strong and never betray who you are, don't surrender!
I'm in almost the same situation as you. I would rather be a person who people don't like much but can live as they want because feeling like i have to please everyone (even though i know i don't have to) is exhausting and toxic. The worst part is i don't know how to get rid of it ￣へ￣
Oh my god me too! So glad in growing from this
*"People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Genuine love casts out fear."*
So I truly understand people pleasers. We may have been people pleaser at least once in our lives.
Love is hidden behind the clouds my friend.
All we need is to discover it and the sun will give light to people who are around.
Funny thing is it's already present and when we break the shackles it does good to no bounds.
Keep continuously looking for it.
🙂
Okay, I'll admit it: I *AM* a people pleaser. I always find it hard to say no, but sometimes when I do say no I feel really bad. I apologize for saying no, and I apologize for everything even if it's not my fault. I take the blame for other people's feelings. I'm always seeking approval from others, even from my own parents. I don't talk about my feelings to others, because I think I'm wasting their time and I'll just be a bother to them. Sometimes it's hard to focus on ourselves when we want to make others around us happy, we feel like others feelings matter more than our own
It's better for me now to know that I'm not the only one to act like that
I AM a people pleaser. It just takes less energy to absorb the effects rather than accept the static
Yeah
It's okay! Being a people pleaser is a double edged sword :)
i'm kind of a selfless person here, i put others happiness and stuff first before myself and i have a extreme form of a people pleaser, i thought it was just me
Remember, that people-pleasers may have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect.
Yes, what advice do you have for someone in the same shoes?
So true!
And in my case, I ended up growing extremely resentful to those who would act like my friend when I was down (and so I showed them extra kindness). But whenever they seen me happy, it seemed to bother them so much that they would bully and gaslight me, and that's when I realized that I need to be cautious when showing appreciation to certain types of people. Sometimes I wondered if they were trying to turn me into a cry baby, since they only rewarded me when I cried in pain, but wouldn't reward me with kindness whenever I was doing something good. Now that I changed jobs, I won't respond to their text messages.
Self-sacrifice and neglect is definitely a problem.
@@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy Sorry that happened to you. Those sound like trash friends. It was good for you to get rid of them.
My entire life was destroyed through this process. Here I am at 33 and I can say that nobody chooses to be a people pleaser. This is trained into someone when they're young. Some people get it worse than others. The tragedy is that you've got all this pain. Everything is more exquisitely painful and yet you have very few if any people to confide in.
Yes 😞
yes
I agree with you. It's self preservation.
I’m in my sixties and didn’t even realise that’s what I was doing until recently. Your still young and have time to make changes.
@@deniseedwards4188 I'm sending you as much of a hug as I can through the internet. Good day, Denise.
Being a people’s pleaser is something that makes me feel safe because I know I won’t make anyone mad. Edit: yes I know all the risk and yes I know when to stand my ground and have a few no’s but it just a reaction I try to control but overall- I say sorry a ton!
Sheeeeeesh
People can be upset cuz you apologize for everything. And people use you to their advantage which is wrong. It’s okay that you don’t want to make people mad but be sure to look out for yourself. You could be minding your business and someone could get mad. Not your fault and what others do is out of your control.
It can also lead to you getting abused so please work on that. Please yourself before anyone else.
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
I can definitely relate to that! It feels so scary to think that others are mad or upset with me. Also, I can recognize that this is really not healthy, and actually detrimental to my mental health when I try to accommodate the potential of others feeling mad. Going to be going back to therapy to work on self esteem, among other things. I hope you can get some help to work through this, too. 🤗🤗
I'll admit: I can sometimes act like a complete people pleaser. But that's only because I'm very insecure, I occasionally worry way too much what the world views of me and fear I might not be good enough for them.
However, there have been moments in my life where I am a really nice person inside and out.
So there's that.
i feel you
I feel you to infinite
It's good that you recognize the pros and cons of this and realize that it's not always a bad thing :)
@@Psych2go yes.
I concur. I struggle with that as well, trying to work on it. In about 2 years, I hope that I could overcome this and start making new friends in college, so that they will see the actual me. A true and complete fresh. Because throughout elementary school, junior high, and high school... I still struggle with this. I'm still in high school, however, It will surely take more time, not just a few weeks, but years. It's good that we at least admit or acknowledge the fact that we struggle with people pleasing. Well, that's all I had to say, good luck everyone!
I used to be NOTORIOUS for over apologizing just because I wanted to be liked but there’s a power in “no” or just understanding that some people won’t be happy regardless and to remember your own boundaries. So so helpful 💛
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Yes!!
I relate with all of the things said in this video. I am not very kind to myself and I have low self esteem. I know I'm not perfect and nobody is but I still strive to be perfect in my own eyes as well as others eyes. I overthink to much about certain things that I will start to shake because of how upset I get when I overthink. I tend to bottle up my emotions and try to hide my emotions from people but sometimes it just slips out. I can't control my tears. I'm the type of person to cry to relieve stress, I find it annoying and pathetic of me to cry so easily and get upset over little mistakes. If I fail at something I punish myself for not being perfect the first time. I hide what I like from other people as of the fear of being judged. I fear that if people saw the real me who wasn't afraid to say the word "NO" then everyone will leave me and I'd be alone, as I often find myself to be anyways. I do have good friends who care about me however, and I'm lucky to have them as friends, they mean a lot to me. I cringe at my own voice because I am uncomfortable with the sound of my voice sometimes. I have lots of stress and anxiety about things I cannot control. I get tired a lot and some days I'm just really sad and I feel empty. I don't know what to believe anymore. I can't control my thoughts.
I know I'm late to comment and you'll probably not see this but this was just a rant vent thing that I wanted to share with you as well as others. Thank you for reading. ❤️
Crazy to say majority of these characteristics I once possessed..
Why should you disregard yourself to appease others? Do they do the same for you? There's light on the other side lol. Walk in your truth. Your feelings matter!! Once you put up those boundaries watch how the people you surround yourself with react.
I don't anymore but I'm quite a shy person that's why people take advantage of me because they think I won't say anything back throughout my childhood I'm very reserved and maybe people think there's something wrong with me so they bully me
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
I spent my entire school years being such a people pleaser. From the beginning of Middle School towards the end of High School. Never really knew how to say no or disagree. I always did anything I could to please other people and made sure everyone liked me. I didn’t think anything of it as back then I was such an extroverted, energetic, happy and positive person, but now I’m severely depressed, chronically anxious, and introverted as hell… They would tell you it will take a toll on you, of course I didn’t believe it, but of course it’s a process, keep storing everyone else’s burdens and soon you’ll find yourself carrying not only yours but everyone else’s burdens. Which can bring you down a lot, which I can say is one the leading causes that made me mentally unhealthy. Now I’m struggling to maintain happiness, struggling to sleep well, and struggling to stay energized since I’m constantly tired. Please watch over yourselves, make sure you please yourself before others. ♡
Agreed dear. Take care😊👊
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Thanks for the warning 😥
I get along with everybody but rarely do I speak my mind on things that people do that I don't like. Often I don't actually know what I like because I'm so used to thinking first of how other people will react before answering on what I think or feel.
Right now I live a pretty happy life but that might not be the case forever and I need to prepare. Thanks again for the warning
And I hope things will look up for you too
even if i am a people pleaser, they still don't like me. they like people who are not people pleaser like me and who hurt there feelings often. (+_+)
Same thing happened to me!
Wow literally everything applies to me 100%💀
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Noob (me too)
Lots apply to me too... !
@@Psych2go Psych2go you're a ppl pleaser? 😮
I feel so identified just with the title, thanks so so much, this feels like home and a mental health safe space love you ✨ 😘
Glad the video could be relatable and helpful somewhat. It's nice to be described as the mental safe space! :)
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
I surrender to this program god,
I'm guilty of many of these signs, but I resolve to sort them out, and put myself first, and not just try to please others all the time.
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Yes!
This is honestly so heart breaking for me I grew up in a abusive house hold where I was abused both physically and mentally whenever I was out of that house people used to compliment me alot about how kind I used to be with them but now that I look back I understand how they were praising me for the compromises I made at the expense of my self esteem and time
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
agreed
Thank you for sharing this. Recognizing this is the first step to healing!
I have been a people pleaser but I don’t know where it came from thank you so much for everything have a wonderful weekend
I identified with almost all of these signs to a degree. It’s interesting to think about how much our personality vs. our environment has contributed to these tendencies.
Thanks for sharing this :)
I already noticed this problem in me and I'm strating to try stoping being a people pleasure, by being more determined and saying to my self:
"You can't make everyone happy"
Exactly!
I knew the answer to this question but I watched the video anyway. I always try to make people happy. I try to avoid conflict because I don't just dislike when people are upset with me; I get scared if they are upset because in my experience arguments and disagreements don't end well. I always feel responsible for other people's feelings especially in my family when I am pulled into the fights that my family have with each other. I love to help people and I think that's a good trait to have but I know that a lot of the time I help so people won't be mad at me for saying no. I could be doing a million different things, if someone else asks me for help I will say yes. I must confess that this also makes me very angry, because I feel that people take advantage of me. I want to yell and scream but I take it out on myself because I have to be nice.
There is a fine line between caring for others and making people happy unconditionally... It's a skill to distinguish that line.
100% agree with everything. I’m sad at what I become. I need to set some boundaries and not care what others think
Me too 😞 I relate so much to every one of the signs in the video. The first step is recognizing, though. Now we can try to make healthy changes for ourselves. We got this! 🤗
When I saw this video, at first I was like "yeah, I'm not a people pleaser anymore, I moved on from that", but as I was watching the video, I started realizing I still am one.
Luckily, I think it's getting better now. I would relate to every single sign in this video a few years ago, but today I only relate to a few of these!!
Thanks for this video, it helps c:
Me tooo!
Great realization! Thanks for your support :)
We live in a very stressful time and people are easily offended. I think I try to please people but just think I am being nice!
I think the external validation part is what distinguishes a caring person from a people pleaser. If you do things that are outside of your normal self just to seek external validation, then I would think that is what separates someone who is genuinely generous and caring to a people pleaser. Helping people whenever you are able to is not people pleasing.
"what separates someone who is genuinely generous and caring to a people pleaser"
True!
We live in dualistic world and this causes so much chaos and misunderstandings.
For any occurrence in life (unless unkind or violent) - it can be viewed from multiple angles.
Labels will destroy sanity. It seems like quick fix for chaos and insecurity and vagueness, however oversimplifications and jumping to conclusions and being convinced in your own explanation is wrong way, it is ego-centrism.
True!
It's so important that we take care of our own needs without sacrificing our well-being to satisfy
and please others. When you can, take breaks if need to, meditate, take a walk and be kind to
yourself for the practice of self-care. Do whatever makes you feel that inner peace and
calmness that's needed for your mental health and overall well-being.
💙CZcamsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
How is this possible?czcams.com/video/O4CAgHNqSg8/video.html
Preach!
I am a people pleaser, therefore I want to help you and let you know THAT THE THUMBNAIL HAS "YOUR" INSTEAD OF "YOU'RE". This kills me 😂
Honestly, now I’m realizing that yes, I do relate to all of these things and may be a people pleaser… I feel like if I can’t do things correctly, people will dislike me, and not want to be friends with me. I always try to hide my opinion, and I feel like I changed a lot to be someone I’m not. So much so, I somehow forgot things about myself. I am always very self-conscious, so I thought it was selfish of me to ask for so many people to comment on my art. I’m afraid that if I say these things to people, specifically in real life, they will think I’m very selfish and just wanting to be perfect at everything. I’m always thinking that other people are believing that I’m not a good person, and I try to please everyone. So, uh- sorry for the vent, I guess I really needed to say this- may not be the best idea to say it on the comment of a CZcams video, but I dunno. It might be good for me to say something, even if it doesn’t matter. Thanks for the video, though! It helped me realize these things a bit clearer.
Same 😞
I CAN RELATE TO THIS COMMENT SO MUCH ITS SCARY'
I just wanna say, i listened, and its alr, im similar. I dont want other ppl to feel the pain i did, so i try and make everyone feel better.
Deep reflection :)
omggg let’s be be besties I relate to this comment so much and the fact that ur pfp is mizuki omggg 😭 the fact that you don’t know who you are just so other people can accept an idealistic version of you. its like you have to change yourself to fit other peoples liking so they won’t leave you. 🫶
I don’t care anymore. I’m living for myself so 🤷🏽♀️
It's kinda sad if you lived like this your whole life without even realizing what's wrong. You try to be good to people but they end up disrespecting you. You end up cutting off friends because of this.
these 8 signs indicate total unhappiness...been there, done that...when i stopped...i found happiness and myself...seriously...♡
How?
After years of trying to understand myself, I’ve come to terms that I’m a HUGE people pleaser. And I Overthink a TON! This stimulates from my parents setting huge expectations on me. And when I didn’t match those expectations I felt awful and a Failure in their eyes. It was never “you tried your best” it was always them worrying about the results of everything. I’m still struggling with this and I plan on going to therapy very soon
People pleasing can lead to getting abused. Care for yourself before anyone else. Be careful and take care everyone.
I am a huge people pleaser, I have a huge problem with saying no, even if I say no in the softest way it doesn't come out to others as a no only as "maybe sometime soon" I'm trying my best to break away from this habit, the final straw was I overworked myself to the point I strained my back and I became extremely burnt out, it was worse because I overfilled with stress and worry to leaving my bubble or my room and be in public, I'm slowly learning to be nicer for myself and take care of my mental health. It's not easy but thankfully I have someone in my life who is helping me past my bad habits. Videos like these are nice to see because it's helping me understand what I'm going through and find ways to heal.
Part 2: how to stop being a people pleaser
im proud of myself that over the past few months i have been able to overcome being a people pleaser, after having too many really bad relationships/friendships where i was used, guilt tripped, and manipulated. i was just never able to stand up for myself. im glad everyone can always vent or share their experiences in the comments on these videos without it being oversharing :)
I'm proud of you!
Yeah it's hard to break away from being a people pleaser 24/7...
Enjoy the little references you guys throw in 😊
:)
just about time. ive recently been told by my psychologist that im a people pleaser :') which never even once did I expect myself to be one
I do most of these things when i'm around people. It's always so hard for me to say "no" to others. i try to look/act my best around people, and tend to care about their feelings more than myself. During group discussions i'm always trying to avoid saying my real thoughts and opinions rather than speaking up. Disagreement makes me feel anxious.
It's good that you recognize this --> on your way to improvement!
@@Psych2go Thanks, psych2go.
Completely unrelated but I love the dynamic between the green leaf guy and the blue smug leaf guy. They’re so cute together and they make a great couple! It’s like opposites attract lol, just look at this 3:00 - 3:10
1:04 and the part where green leaf dude accidentally beamed the pink flower dude with a wood pole 😂
And the expression on Cactus lady's face 😂
This whole video explained my personality and my daily life. I’m a people pleaser and I don’t really know why I am. I apologise for everything, I say sorry if I’m upset *sorry that I’m crying* or sorry for things that is not even my fault. I also think it’s so hard to say no to people, I think that they will get mad. I also avoid conflicts at all costs. And I can just stuff my own feelings in just to help my friends.
I had all these signs... I treated my self as a sh*t..it costed me my health,time,effort,mental peace and so on... It broke my heart... Im not sure whether i healed from those traumas.. Bt im proud of myself for becomg a better person than before.. I nevr thought i could change like this.. And i love this version of me... I hope evryone get the guts to takecare of themselves ..because u r important than anyone else 💚💚
Everything said checks out for me. I knew something wasn’t authentic when I was being “nice” but I didn’t know what I was feeling. Now, rooting back to my past, I was able to confirm that I am just trying to please everyone. Good thing as I grow older, I was able to see beyond being a people pleaser and be nice to myself. Value yourself.
OMG I JUST LOVED THAT RARITY SHOWED UP IN THIS VIDEO
0:16 The Encanto and toh references are the only ones I understand and they make my heart flutter
same
I don't think people know how serious this can be. It can seriously ruin someones life. I'm experiencing this right now and I have started to go to therapy.
Just wanted to add something - I'm not *purely* going to therapy for this. It's just one of the reasons.
Thanks, I just realized this...
My parents trained me this when i was young, I guess. I used to think I'm just generally nice because I was trained. Now idk anymore, it feels weird. I guess I feel better now when I grow up and know I don't have to make every single person happy, even if it still makes me feel guilty when I upset others. I should really look more into myself and know what kind of person I want to be instead of who they want me to be.
Oh wow, Im truly in awe every single statement hit me so hard, I really need to change :))
That makes me think, I am a people pleaser for sure which I hate, but does that mean I am a bad person?
The points 1 , 5 ,6 and 7 fit to me in some ways. When I was kid and a teen i was totally a ppl pleaser without knowing it and it had a huge influence on my health and life. Im' glad I hanged now. Self care and punting my own needs on 1st place is not egoism as I thought long ago.
When you come to realisation that you are not a nice person but a people pleaser 😭💔
Yes, this is exactly me. I am a people pleaser. I always try treating people with my most respect. I also don’t feel really happy and most of the time people do try to take advantage of that…. But recently I have gotten a lot better at self respect and telling people how to say no. 1:33 also I love the Wonder over Yonder reference right here :) so much nostalgia
I might be a People pleaser, I am always told that i am kind: but is it truly kindness or that I want to please people?
It can be frustrating but this has opened my eyes!
I'm a diagnosed one, and I hate it sometimes... Knowing that you are a People pleaser is something else
2:47 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ACCURATE??!! EVEN THE DRAWING??!! who told you I like my little pony??😄
Totally relatable!!! Thank you for the video. It was GREAT and explained all this very well. Loved the animation! It brought an another layer to the text. Excellent job in everything!
I also have been learning to seem like a people pleaser. I moved to a different country and people are extra polite in here. First I did not fit in, but now I am over-doing the politeness. It confuses people, because I show all the signs that you can just walk over me, but when they do, I bite them hard and they always get so surprised that I confront them about stuff. I can hear them thinking: "But I though that you were too nice for this! How this is possible." It is also not good as people who have under-estimated me do not want to change their opinion about me and resist apologizing even that is very clear that they were wrong to step on my toes. So I should be more true to myself and show some punk straight away hahhaaa :) Warn them off with yellow and black stripes..."Yes, she is a cute little frog, but poisonous...Do not step on her!!!"
Thanks for your support!
Amazing video physc ik I say this A LOT but I'm just speaking facts tysm for posting these videos happy Easter and bless you all!
Oddly enough, I think I got 6 out of 8. What sucks is no one means to get this way. Sometimes it's just hard to see clearly and value myself in comparison to others. Mental illness with a serious side of insecurity just makes things complicated. Thanks for the content, it's quite helpful.
Thank you for sharing! We glad this video helped! :) What do you plan to do next after this realization?
@@Psych2go just keep going. I've been heavy on lifestyle adjustment and habit changing to try and bring sense to it. The typical exercise, eat healthy, etc. I'm in regular therapy so this is part of treatment to learn. I'm going to keep on keepin on. Thanks again for the content. Your voice and tone are Morgan Freeman competition:)
I think I used to do these very things myself. And while it can be hard for me to say no to this day,because I’m really too polite haha. I have swayed away from a lot of the signs here.
It’s okay to do things for yourself yall! Like someone else in the comment section said, you can be nice without having to please those around you.Your an INDIVIDUAL as well. 💓
I’ve gotten a lot better about some of these, and others I’m aware I can work more on. Great video!
Psycho to go is the miniature being that operates my brain, I convinced.
hey psych2go! Could u plss make a vid about how to help a friend that is struggling with depression?? Would be very helpful❤❤
Yes plz do on this!!.....
The Owl House reference 🥺💝 3:49
😍
Yep. I'm a people pleaser all the way. I pretty much fit into all 8 of these signs and I can't wait to start saying no more often to people. I'm now imagining what the possible outcomes would be if I simply said NO to certain situations I'm currently dealing with right now from those I care about and those people I don't even know. Saying NO sounds very liberating no matter what the actual outcome could be and I believe I would be more respected from all of them. I appreciate your video.
All these cool cartoon references made this really relatable. You have good taste.
I was raised to be kind to everyone, and in’s just the way I am…I’m 45 now and look back at how much shit I put up with….toxic relationships, helping people move,lending money,etc…And it’s true but kinda sad, that girls don’t want anything to with a nice guy. My observation of these girls is that they’ve been treated like shit for so long, that they’re addicted to drama and toxic assholes
We tend to gravitate towards what is familiar to us, and what is familar to these girls IS the abuse, the manipulation, the being used by people and being treated like shit, so of course they gravitate towards other people and relationships that are like this and will treat them in the way that they are familiar with- it's such a sad, tragic thing to see, honestly
Thanks for sharing this...
I'll say it again being desperate to get an answer, can you pls talk about how depression is the cause of depression?
Edit: like how depression itself keeps you depressed, and its symptoms and side effects on their own cause depression already. So there's a hidden loop that I don't seem to find anyone who notices too
Oh believe me people have noticed you can probably find at least 5 academic reports on depression that state this.
One of the problems with having years of history and 7 billion people is that your thoughts are never original.
Of course there are some people who let those thoughts be but then there that small proactive group that take initiative with that thought and do something about it.
Struggling to say no is well…a struggle
There has never been any of your videos that I related to 100% of the bullet points mentioned except this one... The thing that makes me happy is that I feel like I've been getting alot better in the last few months
People pleaser seems harsh! Some are just tuned to focusing on others needs without realising one’s own needs, that’s not people pleasing
is it wrong to be a people pleaser?
It makes you easy to exploit
I recently fell into a hard depressive state after finally breaking down and realizing I am a people pleaser and introverted. I had every single point in this video and it opened my mind to forgive myself for this. It’s hard to want to be perfect in front of everyone and not want anyone to dislike you in the slightest bit but if I don’t do what I need for myself, I will continue to be this person and what I have done has not made me happy but more anxious and self conscious.
I am indeed a people-pleaser that has a handful of these qualities, it's hard sometimes but I'm trying to work on it. This helps better understand my situations and sees what I can do do to improve these feelings. Thanks for the very good information.
Man this video really helped me self-reflect a lot. I unfortunately have all of these traits and watching this video made me realize that. I have a really bad tendency to worry about what complete strangers think about me and I really want to get to the point to where it shouldn’t bother me. Thank you for making this video
Thank you for your reflection!
This is so accurate and it honestly gets so draining
I'm a thorough people pleaser. I've always been one, and so is my father.
I’m definitely a people pleaser and I hate it. I change how I act around others and don’t speak my mind or speak up about anything. I’ve tried my best to change this but I always go back to same thing over and over again. :(
Now I've realized of everything that I've done. This video taught me about so much things about people pleaser, and I'm also one of them. Now I truly understand of what my feelings are, thank you so much
Thanks for watching!
Not happy that I definitely align with these signs but happy that I can be aware and try to change. It can be really scary to be honest with people because you don’t want to hurt them but you’re right about that it starts to hurt you more than anything. Thanks for the video
I AM. THANK YOU!
You see, I've been struggling if what type of person I am, and this vid come up, THANK YOU, your video shows me a lot but they don't intent of some me our all of us feelings, especially the deeper inside, and since this is called "People pleaser" then I am that person.
And...does that include that you can't talk too much...because in vid...it mentions how you agree with people...and you're just agreeing...ive been struggling to GIVE OPTIONS out...and FOLLOWING what people say what best...
You see...as of right now, I've been in a relationship...and he's an amazing guy, very cool, very knowledgeable, cool skills and talented, but unlike me...i don't have all that...but anyway, what happened was that...he and I had a lil fight...in a relationship you might right? But I don't fight rather then...again agreeing so he said that I should...GIVE option and start talking, don't shut down or stuff...by the tone...he was very angry...
Till this day, I'm afraid to talk to him anymore...or even phone calls...so I mute myself. we're also in a long distance relationship....
Being nice was the only thing that made me feel good about myself but apparently I suck at that to because I relate to a lot of these.....
This year I’m learning to say no and setting boundaries and standing on those boundaries
this is literally my definition, i’ve always known i wasnt nice nd tht im a people pleaser, this made it even more clear cause i do everything mentioned
I had the same problem, and it lead to bullying, being taken advantage at, being manipulated, and I was in a toxic relationship and was at a very huge risk to be in a another one. I was very gullible, naive, and innocent, and was a big people pleaser.
And now when I think back, I was such a people pleaser, wanting validation, wanting friends, wanting love and affection, when I was the one who was holding myself back. I was extremely shy, never talked to anyone, doing everything on my own, yet I wanted someone.
I thought being hit at was normal, because I thought I needed to do better to please people, to make them like me, but yet, everytime I tried so hard, I never came far. And because of how naive I am, it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore after such personal events.
And now here I am. I'm mean and cold to everyone to show them how, like... Idk how to explain it, but, how I am tough now and won't be held down anymore, how I won't be deceived or lied to as a defense mechanism.
And I don't want to be mean, but I got no choice but to show them I changed and I am tougher now than before and won't be sad, cry, or naive. Now some people think I'm not approachable and fun to be around with, I only got my close friends and that's it lol. It's funny how being a people pleaser can change everything and make you a different person than you were before. (From my experience)
Man, these videos get more and more specific as each upload comes up, and this is the exact one, yes I thought I was nice, making thank you gifts for everyone who drew my original characters, in the end I didn't finish it, so I silently just went away from it, it's just that everyone is better than me in every single way, but at least I have a life... Just a low mediocre one...
I am definitely a people pleaser. I've learned it's because I'm trying to appease my own anxiety. That's not a healthy way to deal with anxiety. I am seeking help to work on this area of my life.
i have been a people pleaser for almost my entire life so much so i find comfort in it at this point but i know its a very toxic triat and i have been doing my best to (with some external help) change that about myself but I've been falling back into my old ways and this video has been a bit of a wake up call so thank you
I just realized that I was blinded. I blinded myself into thinking that other people’s happiness is better than me. Constantly thinking that what shoud I change on myself to be accepted by the people around me. Now I know. My heart truly forgot my own happiness, my own world, and who I was. Just because of the neglect people gave me, the trauma that they buried deep in my heart. Maybe I should start on keeping valuing myself and other people. Thank you so much psych2go team.
So glad you made a video of this, i struggle with this
I do 5 of these things till this day and I’m great full that you shared this with us. I’m now more aware of what I’m doing to myself and how I should treat myself and my feelings. I find it really hard to say no because I don’t want to let anyone down or make them think I’m a bad person. I also agree with everyone for the reason that they might think I’m weird or different to be around. I’m uncomfortable with conflict, example: I said I hate you to my brother (obviously not meaning it) and I felt a guilt and sadness, btw this happened a month ago. I HATE speaking my feelings. If I go to my friends and say if I’m sad, I’m worried they’d feel awkward and don’t know how to handle how I feel. Instead I’d usually bottle it up and keep how I feel to myself. And I seek validation. When I do something that I like and appreciate, I want to share it with others, and usually if they’d like it too I’ll feel better about it, but if they give a dull answer I’ll respond with “yea your right it’s not my best” I need to look after myself more… 😞
I love those tiny references! Love the animation. 🥰
This helped me see how I have improved since seeing a therapist. Cool!
Just what I need, a video calling me out
Thanks for making this video I relate to a couple of those points. I related to the over apologetic, I don't stand up for myself and the last point the video made. I am starting to learn it is okay to just be myself^^! I am no longer afraid to show my true interest and hobbys. I am still working on that one but it made me feel a lot better. I still need to work on the 3 points I have mentioned thanks for making this video it made me show myself in a different way.
And when you become a people pleaser , you also expect others to become a people pleaser. From personal experience,id feel really mad and angry when people don't help me or be nice to me, like i do to them. This will not only make me disappointed in myself but i will also start to detest others because of their lack of empathy, which in fact are just prioritising themselves
I love the amount of personality given to all of the characters in this video! Cristina did a bang-up job 👍
Anyone else ship the people pleasing leaf guy and the grumpy flower guy? They're so cute how much they care about each other
PSI and frikin' hoodie man(AKA Lance)!? Heck yeah!!!
All these signs correspond to me, I was almost afraid of them...
Thank you for making this video.
Starts in childhood.
Look at your relationship with your parents
Indeed
i thought i wasn’t much of a people pleaser, and as the video kept going i learned so much more and it makes so much more sense