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My journey of dealing with grief: Simon Hancox at TEDxDerby

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  • čas přidán 24. 04. 2014
  • Simon works for a local support charity in Derby that helps other charities to form and grow. He delivers training, workshops and talks in schools and out in the community about volunteering and he also manages a community reporting project. Since Annabel's passing, Simon has established Annabel's Angels in her name. They aim to raise funds to support the delivery of cancer support services at Royal Derby Hospital, develop support services for patients and families affected by cancer and to reduce isolation experienced by cancer patients and carers locally.
    In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Komentáře • 53

  • @robertcarr5457
    @robertcarr5457 Před 4 lety +48

    Lost my wife of 38 yrs, 5 months ago. what has worked so far. Walk every day that I can for an hour and a half. Put myself in the fore front to heath and eating. Do not hide from any emotion they may erupt regardless of the company present. Have no plans for the future try to meditate and live each moment in the present. There are days i still feel lost and days that triggers can make me cry. I accept it all . There is no doubt I will never forget her but every day is just another step forward.

    • @jlosinski
      @jlosinski Před 4 lety +4

      Inspiring words, you are spot on.. I lost my wife to cancer in 2015, and after a recent breakup (my most significant relationship since my wife passed) am now finally seeing the reality and truth of what you've suggested in your comment, particularly having no plans for the future, but rather meditating and accepting each moment in the present. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

    • @gregemurphy346
      @gregemurphy346 Před 3 lety +3

      My wife passed on Memorial Day 2020 at home on hospice for three short days . She had five year battle of cancer ,we were married 37 years and I loved her more than anything in the world and I think of her every day some days are very sad and I cry . I will never understand why god took her from me , I try to accept her death. I walk every morning and talk to her tell her I love her forever and hope to see her some day .

  • @shirleysarradet9486
    @shirleysarradet9486 Před rokem +4

    Lost my Paul, husband of 68 years, 10 months ago. I’m very old. Just no words to even start to tell about the loss and pain and loneliness. One moment I can be pretty good- then- all goes awful. Just grief untold.

    • @Apollo_Blaze
      @Apollo_Blaze Před rokem +1

      I am sending you a huge hug...I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in grief too.

  • @dcs1106
    @dcs1106 Před 5 lety +64

    Lost my wife of 25 years just two weeks ago. Obviously my best friend. I'm just in a haze. Don't have much of a social life per se, am looking to try grief counseling soon. Prayers to all who have experienced the loss of a dearly loved one.

    • @rigelmoon9030
      @rigelmoon9030 Před 5 lety +11

      Lost my wife of 43 years 4 weeks ago this day. The haze is still daunting, overwhelming.... She's who I think of first thing in the morning, last thing at night and all day in between. I live with our 41 year old son. We cry daily, sometime it pours and sometimes is drizzles.......We understand that grief will wax and wane but will never go away entirely. I miss my love terribly. But, you, me, my son and a million others are in for a rough go ahead. The lump in our throat and the sigh at the end of each breath remind us of our loves who we lost and will never see again. We must move through our grief like a toy boat bobs on a pond: we have no understood plan of movement except to say we do not ever want to forget even the simplest reminder of who we were when we were all together, laughing, crying and loving. May you recognize peace and joy when it jumps in front of you for that is your lost love, my friend.

    • @PauloRobertoElias
      @PauloRobertoElias Před 4 lety +12

      My wife passed away a month ago at age 32, 6 days after giving birth to our only child.
      I'm looking for this kind of video, bit I'm not sure if it helps. It's terrifying to see another stories of people struggling to live well again.
      If any of you wanna talk I would appreciate

    • @kathyscheuer5256
      @kathyscheuer5256 Před 4 lety +3

      @@PauloRobertoElias Believe in yourself, think about what she would want for you and your child. You can do this, one minute at a time, you will do this.

    • @JG-mt3rp
      @JG-mt3rp Před 4 lety +1

      Rigel Moon thank you for sharing this beautiful writing. I lost my mum last month and your words bring me comfort. I hope you and your son are doing well today. 🙏💕

    • @michaeld.williamsiii9026
      @michaeld.williamsiii9026 Před 4 lety +1

      dcs1106 I definitely know how you feel grief has often hit me in waves. This week I’ve been feeling it, even more with being lockdown, and socially distanced. I’m so sorry for your loss, almost two years ago I kiss four of my adopted aunts and two good dearly friends... Before that was my paternal grandmother and father. 😞💔🥀 So I’ve had more loss than I’d like... I’ve started counseling and getting out for walks and hikes/runs when I can to try and cope but the weight of loss never goes away, I do wish you and everyone who’s experiencing loss and grief certainly the best. 🌸🙏🏾☁️

  • @khaliddurrani6432
    @khaliddurrani6432 Před 4 lety +9

    Grief walk is journey, hard and challenging, a walk alone indeed.

  • @youngpab12
    @youngpab12 Před 4 lety +11

    came here through my grieving process.Found this, a very warm and inspirational talk. Thank you Simon..

  • @amyjaltic8316
    @amyjaltic8316 Před 6 lety +19

    These podcast have helped me a bunch. I lost my husband in February very unexpectedly after 25 years of marriage. He was the love of my life the one and only and the rock of our family and I've been reeling ever since. But I found these podcast and they have helped so much.

    • @mikebonora2238
      @mikebonora2238 Před 5 lety +4

      Amy, I know what you are going through and it is hard, I lost my wife two and a half years ago in a fire in our home. I have known her since kindergarten and we got married in 2005. I to have watched many of these Ted events just to see how regular people deal with losing the greatest love of their life. I have liked a few so I can watch when I feel the need. Most people just don't know what to say when we have been through this, maybe they need to see this so they don't say "get over it, move on". I have'nt moved on but have moved forward in life, and will never forget the love we had for each other. Don't ever forget that love that the two of you have had! Hope you are doing alright.

    • @patriciamunson3220
      @patriciamunson3220 Před 5 lety +3

      Amy, I lost my husband in April. I feel your pain.

  • @cdbfort
    @cdbfort Před 10 lety +16

    thank you for sharing with us , the journey of your personal loss. You speak with compassion and empathy. Annabel surrounds you . Peace

  • @born4this783
    @born4this783 Před 4 lety +9

    Anticipatory grief on top of other significant losses....more than I can take most days.

  • @garrybowers2006
    @garrybowers2006 Před 4 lety +8

    Thank you for this my wife passed away suddenly 16 months ago I've been unable to open up about it and talke to any one .

    • @heshmatkerman6116
      @heshmatkerman6116 Před 3 lety

      Very sorry for your loss

    • @beautyRest1
      @beautyRest1 Před 3 lety +1

      How are you Garry? I’m so very sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope you are able to move on! I wish you the best!

  • @domais68
    @domais68 Před 7 lety +23

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is a personal journey. I lost my mother to cancer 5 mos. ago and my wife to a fluke kidney illness. 3 mos. ago. To say life is hard and confusing now is a vast understatement. You're handling your grief well by helping others and I know your wife would be very proud. Best wishes to you, your sons and your dog. My wife and I rescued a dog together and she has been an amazing companion during my time of pain.

    • @icemancometh8679
      @icemancometh8679 Před 7 lety +4

      I lost my mom too and hope your not alone, you need family and friends to talk to. Even if someone takes you out to eat, it helps. I don't work, draw disability and that makes it even worse. I can't help but miss my mom because she was 83 and in a wheelchair and everything I did I did with her.

    • @lacosa4597
      @lacosa4597 Před 7 lety +4

      Burr Nelson I'm sorry for both of your loses. I lost my Mother on April 2nd from the big C. I'm 38 years old, but she was my life. I can't believe how much I still cry. It's also physical pain that's difficult to explain.

    • @icemancometh8679
      @icemancometh8679 Před 7 lety +3

      Hi Josh. Google "the lounge" chat room. It'll say health chat. It's a chat room you can talk to people in and doesn't move too fast. It has many different chat rooms: depression, bereavement, lounge, etc. Easy to use.

    • @jackiejackiebootysmackie
      @jackiejackiebootysmackie Před 7 lety +2

      Josh Adams I lost my mom to cancer in 2010. I will never be the same. Her death hit me like a wave. It sucks the breath out of you. It hurts so bad. The only difference between then and now is I've learned to not cry everyday. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. I'm so sorry you have to go through this heartache. I may not know your exact pain but I'm right there with you.

    • @sandraho3203
      @sandraho3203 Před 5 lety

      So sorry of your multiple loss, I went through 3 loss in 2 years, fully understand

  • @TrOuTster5
    @TrOuTster5 Před 6 lety +2

    Our story is very similar. Thank you for sharing.

  • @carisafink4266
    @carisafink4266 Před 2 lety

    I lost my 18 year old son two days before his 19th birthday 3 weeks ago. I can’t bear the thought that he’s not going to get to grow old and experience the love and joy that comes with having his own family.

    • @Simon-xi8tb
      @Simon-xi8tb Před 2 lety

      I am sorry for your son. I lost my mother 10 days ago.

    • @carisafink4266
      @carisafink4266 Před 2 lety

      @@Simon-xi8tb I am sorry to hear that!

    • @soniaclancy3397
      @soniaclancy3397 Před rokem

      I just lost my only sibling my brother my mother is not doing well so you think you could speak to her

  • @nancyschaefer9748
    @nancyschaefer9748 Před 2 lety

    Grief is a common theme even if your spouse did not die of cancer. My 87 year old husband is dying of dementia and the grief and letting go has been going on for a year. It wears you down….

  • @angieagentlesoul
    @angieagentlesoul Před 5 lety +2

    I think you have great perspective considering it's only been a little bit of time, at that point. Dang, I'm so sorry

  • @icemancometh8679
    @icemancometh8679 Před 7 lety +12

    Boy, you want to feel better, just look at other people's circumstances. I was taking antidepressant pills I didn't need and my doctor threw them in the trash when I said all the different ones I was on in two months made me sick (long story). But anyway, you don't stop antidepressants cold turkey without going through horrible withdrawal like anxiety. Then my mom died, she had alzheimers and I was her caregiver. That left me alone, made my finances change and depression and loneliness set in. I didn't think I was depressed, it felt like my body was and talk about fatigue, you don't feel like doing anything and get chills, numbness in your arms and feet and sleep only 11 to 3 at night. Now, I can't look at her photo, everything reminds me of her and no one really understands, everybody came for the funeral then went back home to their normal. I lost my normal. How this man can talk about his wife and look at her picture I'll never know. I get chest pains (which is a normal grief response) and feel sad and cry. You get to where you want to talk to somebody but can't without crying and online chat rooms almost seem too crowded or just people on there for all the wrong reasons.

    • @BIitzComet
      @BIitzComet Před 5 lety +1

      I wish you well on your healing journey.

    • @sandraho3203
      @sandraho3203 Před 5 lety +2

      Understand how you feel. When you said 'lost my normal', I was like that too. But please don't go into taking things that are harmful to your body because we want to numb our pain. You are more important than waste your life away. Do know it is very difficult but please have good friends to help you go through this rough patch that we all feel lost, despair, sad, meaningless towards life, broken heart and painful a lot times.

  • @eileennapier1109
    @eileennapier1109 Před 6 lety +4

    So Sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and your boys. I have a question, what happens when you open the door and no one comes in. And you are ridiculed for your grief especially by your family.

    • @dannimccarthur8809
      @dannimccarthur8809 Před 6 lety +3

      I'd recommend looking up grief groups in your area to connect with people who've gone through similar things. I'm sorry your family is treating you like this, especially during a time like this.

  • @angellaryea-adu4450
    @angellaryea-adu4450 Před 4 lety +2

    Hi i just lossed my Great Great Grandmama just passed away just last month and i am still grieving and i am still coming to terms to it and my heart is still torn apart how did u get through the greiving a few weeks ago it was a whole week since my Great great grandmama passed now that she is in heaven with the angels i know that she will always be looking down on us 👼👼👼👼🌸🌸🌸🙏🙏🙏🙏

  • @angieagentlesoul
    @angieagentlesoul Před 5 lety +3

    I'm so damn sorry

  • @shirleysarradet9486
    @shirleysarradet9486 Před rokem

    Since it has been 8 yrs ago for Simon, how has grief changed or whatever-in that time frame?? I can only go one day- or one moment- or one hour- after over 10 months.

  • @VladyslavKL
    @VladyslavKL Před 3 lety

    🕊

  • @doloreshaze10
    @doloreshaze10 Před rokem

    "really"

  • @rananewbury2149
    @rananewbury2149 Před 3 lety

    I'm sorry, I don't understand how you have any kind of social life after you lose your person. I mean nobody comes around or invites you over. You invite them, but they cancel near 90% of the time.