Grief: What Everyone Should Know | Tanya Villanueva Tepper | TEDxUMiami
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- čas přidán 5. 12. 2017
- How do you handle grief? How do you respond to others’ grief? Tanya Tepper discusses her grief over her fiancé’s death and how it has affected her life. Tepper recounts stories and memories of how others treated her and others because of their grief. Sharing her wisdom about grieving, Tepper talks about the misconceptions and misunderstanding she has encountered that surround our idea of what grief is. Tanya is the 9/11 widow living happily “even" after who is featured in the Peabody award-winning documentary, Rebirth, which has a permanent home at the National September 11th Museum. Tanya is a senior advisor and speaker for the nonprofit
organization Project Rebirth, and uses the film to give audiences a personal connection to September 11th while inspiring hope and encouraging resilience to those who are coping with grief and trauma.
Tanya is also a member of the Advisory Board for Soaring Spirits International, which brings peer-based programs to the widowed community. Each year, Tanya delivers hope, comfort, and laughter through her workshops at Camp Widow, a weekend-long gathering of widows from around the world.
Tanya has written for the Huffington Post and loves her life in Miami with her husband Ray, two young daughters, and their baby bearded dragon.
For more information please visit www.tanyavtepper.com This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
“Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” -Jamie Anderson
Thank you for sharing - maybe it helps someone to ease the pain of loosing a loved one! 😊
🙏🙏🙏🙏 Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yes it most definitely is, the love for my wife who passed a few months ago is ever present and all powerful.
anylizing it doesnt make it any easier
@@97warlock nothing makes grief any easier but some people feel the need to express emotions and maybe find common ground with others.
no one can fathom the feeling of grief unless it happens to them..it is an actual physical pain..
SOOO TRUE!!!
James Scarcelli so very true
Very true.
James Scarcelli As well as the physical pain, the loneliness is what gets you as well
She died at sixteen in a car accident...my daughter. Eight years ago. We don’t move on. We just float through the rest of our lives in a fog of grief. Grief Hangover.
Grief is very personal and takes as long as it takes for every single person.❤️
Agreed; I just lost my mother from brain cancer today; it’ll take me as long as it’ll take me
@@strawberryfields9762 I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose our mothers and all I can say is be very gentle with yourself.💜
❤😥,👍---Yep
Only 2 months after my mom died I got the comment "I'm getting really worried about you" like I was crazy for still being so upset..( of course from someone who never lost a parent.) I also lost my dad 13 years before my mom died so when my mom died it also brought back the loss of my father because now I lost both parents and I felt so alone. People expect us to just get over it after the funeral.. we never get over it, we just have to move on because that's the only choice we have. I've learned I have to keep my grief to myself for the most part because if you don't people will just think theirs something wrong with you, which is sad. Life is so short and it's scary how fast someone can be here one minute and gone the next so don't take anyone in your life for granted.
Heyy I need help recently my grandmother has passed and I was Soo close to her.... How to deal with it.... Just not believing what had happened
@@sakshinemade3389 I lost all my grandparents, miscarried, one of my besties…
What I realised is that we cannot move on from grief, but we can try our best to move forward with the pain of our losses.
What I found helpful whenever I’m feeling upset, I just have a good cry, so if I want to cry … I won’t force myself to stop crying, if we can laugh to something funny or smile whenever we’re happy…. We can also cry, all emotions can not be ignored.
We don’t have to feel okay all the time, it’s normal for us to still miss people that we’re so close to. They were in our lives, almost every day/ week until they died. It’s totally normal and okay to miss them!
I find that talking to strangers or new friends (weekly) that are also grieving helps me to move forward.
You don’t have to keep all the sad feelings in, you don’t have to go through this alone. Try to find a few people (or just one person if you prefer) who are similar to your age (if you prefer) that has also lost their loved one.
Make sure to do some simple self care that is manageable, make sure you eat something simple but healthy even though you don’t feel hungry. Healthy balanced food will make our mood a little better too. Please sleep whenever you can, I find Magnesium supplements helpful. I can fall asleep faster with the supplement, and it relaxes my muscles so I can rest better at night.
There are gonna be some days where you feel like you’re doing better, and somedays all you want to do is cry and sleep… that’s okay, and normal. Don’t feel guilty for feeling really sad on some days / months. Life is full of ups and downs, we can learn to accept & embrace the downs as much as the ups.
Best wishes🌱
@@Bnice2any1 Thank you. I'm so sorry about your losses.
I agree. It is a physical pain that no one understands. And we have to keep silent or be judged by everyone. I just hate my life.
Iknow exactly what you mean.. 🤝
Move on from what and to? When you lose someone you love, more than life itself, it rips the soul out of you...love does not stop just because they have died...it remains...grief overtakes it's expression, because that love IS grief with no where do go. It takes time to learn to live without, life is never the same ...people say the most insensitive things, and until it happens to them, there can be no understanding...I've learnt to hide my loving grief for my son, I tuck it quietly in my heart and protect it with every painful beat.
I do know how you feel
I lost my son four years ago
I will never be the same ever
JulesAka ❤️
What u have said has made me cry I couldn't put it better myself time means nothing I've lost a daughter and son a few yrs ago yr half apart nothing on earth can make me feel any better the hurt the longing is there from the moment I open my eyes until I try to close them what sort of mother would move on as said move on to where. The meaning of life left when they did God bless u x
It's hard to move on from someone you will love and miss for the rest of your life. I know this because My love for my son will never stop. I guess I will mourn for him always because my love will never die.
Thank you. I've lost the love of my life as well. As I understand it, not Love is Grief, but grief in its center, is the love we've had for our loved ones. Our love doesn't stop, but we must accept that the love is not reciprocated, and that is what we must learn to live with aswell.
I will NEVER be over losing my favorite person.
People often say that you grieve by stages; denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance. That model was designed for cancer patients, not regular people with different issues. Too often, people are not kind to those who grieve. They want us to act as we did before the loss. But grief changes you. Every time lose someone, you change.
Sharing is so hard because no one knows how it feels. I just feel like I am a ship that has lost the engine and the ruder. It has been 8 days and we had been married for 25 years.
Yes. I’m in the sea of sorrow w/ no sight of land. It’s very disorienting 😢
I lost my girlfriend about a year ago.I guess I died with her.I can’t imagine life without her.I still cry every day and I miss her every second of every day.
RIP Kiki
We will fly together one day baby
After the death of my mother I felt empty for a veryyyy long time. Half of me left with her forever ....
This is my journey as well. I’m gutted. Such a profound loss for me as we were close. No one else really understands. It’s the worst event of my life + so disorienting. All I do is cry 😢 I miss her so much.
I have just lost my beautiful mam in the last month, my heart is broken. A part of me died that day, I've never experienced a loss like this. I dread things I once loved like Christmas, my birthday etc. I know life will never be the same again.
My beautiful Wife passed away 3 months ago. Ive never experienced such pain and heartbreak in my Life before. The sickening feeling in my stomach never goes away - it never ever leaves me.
Oct 13, 2019 my beloved husband of 30 years went to Heaven. I know how you feel.
Same here.
@@sarahconnor4757 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Me too. I’m just devastated by the loss of my Mother. 😢
@@sarahconnor4757 my wife of 56 yrs. went to be with the lord oct 13 2021, it hurts so much.
I just lost my nephew, in a tragic car accident. My sister is lost, my mother is broken, and his dad is a zombie.
This helps. I will humbly share this with them.
My heart goes out to those who are in pain, at this very moment. ❤️
My mom died November 18, 2018 and my grief still goes on. RIP
Robin Hiltz,,,my condolences with the loss of your mom. I hear you,,,my grief is still fresh.. My hubby of 38 years passed last year on November 11'th,2022...😢😢😢😢
❤❤
The last 4 minutes of this video, nailed it down for me.
I lost my Wife of 53 years yesterday.
During our time together she taught me how to love.
She taught me to love others by her example of loving others.
That powerful force of love will bind us together forever.
Rooster1508 She sounds like a wonderful woman
What a wonderful tribute to your wife and the love you have for her. My husband of 44 years passed almost 4 years ago. My sincere condolence.
@@bonnieshaw7324 -- Thank you for your kind comment. It has been about 6 Months and I still choke up when reminded of her. But, that's OK.
@@bonnieshaw7324 -- Thanks for your kind comment. I know you understand.
@Rooster1508- lost my father a few months ago and have been having a difficult time letting go. I chocked up talking about him today and miss him so very much. Your wife sounds like an amazing wise woman. And the powerful force of love will definitely binds together. Bless you
My beautiful wife passed away 1 week ago she just turned 50 we were married for 29 years I miss her so much she was also my best friend
❤😥,👍---Yep, sorry bro Robert. Hand in there...I lost my wife too 2yrs ago at 53, she/we had tons more to go.
I lost my dear husband nine months ago. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. The pain is physical, crushing, disabling. I can't get motivated to do anything. I feel like I am frozen in time. I don't know how to live without him.
I found the pain to be crushing and physical as well. Immobilizing...frozen in time....you describe it so well. These feelings will “lessen” as time goes on. I considered the pain to be commensurate with how much love I felt. A gift of sorts. (I lost my 2 kids in a car accident in 1999) I’m sorry. This is a great, true, talk she gives
Hi Marilyn, have you heard of the Grief Recovery Method?
Its 7 years now.. I lost my husband and i still cried when i think of him. Its a very individual situation how to handle our own! Its my own grief. True, grief will never end.. Me, i have tried support group, but its still doesn't work for me, but i do hope it will work for those who lost people they loved. What she said here, it's good..We dont have to let go the love and replaced another one..The pains is still with me. Am will keep doing my best each day!
@@MichaelSmith-kd2zj Hi my sister recommended this does it work
I am so sorry. I feel every word that you wrote. My husband died in August this year and it's been the worst year of my whole existence.
When my 14 year old son died in 2009, I experienced many comments from various people. My mother told me she didn’t feel sorry for him. A few years later, a co-worker made fun of me because my son died. Two shining examples of humanity at its best. Those comments were so hurtful, and I’ve never come to terms with them.
You have to let it go as they don't understand how it is.
I went through alot of silly people but time thought me that people say silly things and sometimes they don't mean it or just don't understand simple as. Love sent to you and your beautiful deceased son ❤
High school sweethearts- dated 4 years through high school, married 42 years, 5 sons and 13 grandchildren later and I am lost without him. I just never feel right anywhere I go. I feel so alone, even when with family, friends, church. I am not the same person. I will always be different. I don't know who I am anymore. I was privileged to be his caregiver for 16 months while he fought stage 4 lymphoma. I am so proud of the way that man fought, with everything he had, to beat it. I lost him Aug. 27th, 2020. I will always be so grateful he chose me to spend life with and how he taught me how to love. I miss you so much, at times, the pain is unbearable. I still feel numb most times. My mind doesn't work well yet. I am waiting to be able to cope. I miss you so terribly sweetheart! Thank you Tanya Villanueva Tepper for putting words to so many feelings.I pray the right people see this and know what NOT to say. God bless
My thoughts are with you
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I lost my husband of 36 years and 10 months in July 2022. I was his full-time carer for six years. Even though I knew he was very I’ll, I was shocked to find intense, crippling pain overtaking me. I thought I was prepared, thought I would be okay as it wouldn’t be a surprise. I was so wrong. My heart ripped from my body and shattered. I wake every morning at the same time to watch again as he sinks to the floor dying as his heart finally gives up. I sob uncontrollably for hours. I texted my eldest son for some comfort on my wedding anniversary, he was busy and he still hasn’t called. People don’t understand the sheer loneliness, it’s frightening at times because you think you’re going insane. I’m appalled that people stay away, giving the excuse that they don’t want to intrude upon my grief. I know as each day passes, I will learn to live without him, that I will manage the pain. But for now it’s all too raw and all I see are empty days, weeks, years in front of me.
My gosh, your story sounds like mine. We started dating at 17 and 19, dated for 2 and were married 40 years June 2022. We have 4 sons and 5 grandchildren. He was diagnosed with Non-hodgkins Lymphoma in 2021 and passed away November 2022. I also, was his full-time caregiver and would have done it all
over again. He was the most wonderful husband, father, grandfather and human
being. I feel the same way as you do, lost and alone. I have support
from my kids and family, but somehow I still feel alone. Prayer and going to church helps me get through, but everyday is a battle. I hang on to the thought
that one day we will be together again. God Bless!
I lost my partner July 2019. I watched this whole video crying because every word went through me. We both were just 22. I just turned 23, we were supposed to see 23 together.
Joshua Solomon I’m so very sorry Joshua. I am praying for you. My husband of thirty one years passed in his sleep twenty years ago. I drew close to God and He has comforted and protected me all this time. I have purpose and meaning in my life that I never thought possible. You will too....it just takes time. Am I “over” my loss? I think of my husband and still love him all these years later. However, it’s remembering with less pain. God bless you and keep you.
I understand you 100%...mine passed away 3 months ago...
I get you. I lost my partner in January 2020. We were supposed to see 23 together too.
@@gabrielazeina1753 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Hi Joshua, I lost my wife and my unborn baby girl 3 weeks ago. Im sure you know how tough it is to go through it, but since it has been some time since you commented here, I want to know. Does it get better with time? did it get better for you?
please do let me know.
The pain is real my chest hurts and I feel like I cant breathe.. stomach hurts and it feels surreal . Im still in shock..😢 my dad and were similar in character and clashed but made up later or moved on from a disagreement.. Dad was a social butterly and I just wish our relationship was better. I will miss him however I know hes fishing in gods beautiful crystal clear lakes with his best friend . I ❤ you dad!
YOUR DAD IS AT PEACE RESTING AND IM SURE HE'S WATCHING OVER YOU. GOD BLESS YOUR HEART.❤
Just lost my daddy barely a month ago. This is exactly how I feel. Struggling to breathe, chest pain, body aches. Overall depressed. I had lived away for the last 18 years but I loved him so dearly and saw him last just 2 months prior for his 75th birthday celebration. My heart is truly aching but I feel so forced to act normal 🥺
It never EVER ends....I thought it would...I was horribly WRONG...
I thought it would end as well. The feeling I have always had is feeling like I’m forgetting something or I’ve lost an item I really need but can’t seem to find. Catching yourself laughing in the moment you stop and instantly feel guilty. A part of you has been stolen forever and you feel powerless. I don’t know your loss and what you are going through but just know you don’t go through it alone. All over the world you have many to relate to and just know we are thoughtful of each other. Hope the pain eases and one day you can be lifted again. May peace be with you. 🙏
I am in the process of losing my mother. Two strokes have left her with no speech and she is unable to feed herself. She is the only person who I ever really loved or that really loved me. It's been over a year now and she's still alive but as you can imagine it's very different now. As monumentally difficult as it is I now must adjust to a new normal that doesn't involve her. The way that I feel cannot be expressed in words. Each day I force myself to find things to be thankful for and I try to treat everyone I meet with kindness, listening to them and responding in such a way as to make them feel good. These two things have helped me cope, at least so far.
john noe ..how are you doing now John? Have you had good support around you. I do hope so.
My mom is dying too :( it is so painful I cant see my life without her in it
@@Amanda3280h I am so sorry for you and your mother and everyone in both your lives. There are no words I can say that would have any meaning here.
How are you doing now? How is your mother? I know this feeling going through it with my grandpa. Everyone knows dying is inevitable but when something like this happens, it feels you're actually facing it way more closely now.
How is she now? How are u coping with it? It must be exhausting for u taking care of her.also emotionally draining.l pray to God that things work out for u .meanwhile treasure her as much as u can hug her let her know you love her.i was busy for the last 4 days my mom passed away .I didn't do this things( hug her say thank u or sorry make her feel loved)I regret it now
Lost my Wife 10 Months ago - it's killing me - my Soul Bleeds everyday of my Life.
Mine this last Christmas.
38 years.
You know.
What can I say. It just kills me.
❤️😪
For as long i have memories and love for my son, I'll always be haunted by grief. 💙🌸
Mammy Belle ..so so sorry. May God bless you with His love peace & hope in Jesus.
Coco Cartoon ..and for you also I am so sorry for your pain.
May you find the hope that is in knowing Jesus Christ. He has helped me in the loss of my dad & young sister through suicide.
I don't know how people go through grief without Him..I pray you know Him.
Hi Mammy....i lost my son 2 months ago at 37 ....it was 2 hours before his birthday and sadly he was alone....massive heart attack...my pain is constant with up and down days and has left me with only a few friends around....the special stay and somehow make it just a little bearable....hang in there honey...sending you alllll my love
.
Mammy Belle I just lost my son 5 months ago. The pain is the worst...I'm broken to my core. My ❤ feels for you sorry for your loss.
God bless you your comment has made me weep that's nothing new I have wept for over six yrs I lost my beautiful daughter yr half after I lost my son Joseph nothing on earth will ever make me feel any better I feel for you mother's only know this pain xx
Anne Frank once said: “we give flowers to the dead more than the living because guilt overpowers gratitude”.
Huh? We give flowers over guilt? How clueless Anne Frank was on grief.
@@senorabratt As you are to the truth of the human condition.
@@visionofgrey I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
ThNk you very much Chris. Comforting to have empathic individuals such as yourself these days.
@@visionofgrey Thanks, it's nice hearing from you, I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind sending me message on my cell number or you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
So true! What a sensitive and interesting Tedtalk! I’m going through deep sorrow, no one but those of us who share this experience can understand!
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
It's a shame but understandable that until we have been through it, we will never know. That's why although a part of me is angry when people respond in such a way to people's grief, the other part is empathetic to the human nature of not understanding until it knocks on your door. Only the same experience can really connect both people together however we must do our best to empathize with those going through touch situations...Love this talk
Yes this is exactly! What it feels like... But like her, I know now how to confront someone ealse that is going through loss of a loved one , and grief...
Mary g
Absolutely. and yes, this talk is waaaay underrated. Very very good one. At least it helped me so much more than dozens of videos Ive seen.
This is a really good talk. Its helpful. It's made me feel better. Made me feel like finally some one understands and makes me feel not so alone. Thank you
On Jan 18th it will be a year since my mother died. My father passed 3 years prior and even though I grieved for him tremendously I still had my mother to care for who immediately started to go downhill when he died. Everything you said resonated with me. My grief has been almost crippling. With her death came the revelation that even though part of me knew that I always loved to make her proud of me, I never knew until she passed, that my whole motivation in life for doing anything worthy that exemplified success and happiness, I did for her. When she finally passed into that great unknown where you will never be able to kiss and hug and share a meal, a dream, a fear or concern, the person who's happiness is your happiness and your sorrow is their sorrow, I lost my desire and ambition to do almost anything for myself. Ive been a singer all my life. Nothing else had ever brought me so much joy and feeling of belonging and connection. I have no desire to sing anymore. I am not suicidal by any means, but there is no joy in my life. I force myself to do the things that have to be done. The joys and passions of life that gets us through the peaks and valleys and struggles are gone. The best I can do is "Act a If" and go through the motions. For this New Year resolution I thought if I dont get out of this rut I will get physically sick. Even if I dont have the motivation to live a life of purpose and meaning for myself anymore , Im going to tell myself that Im going to do it anyway and Im going to do it for her until the day comes if ever, that I can do it for me.
@Sara Wilkinson This is a beautiful comment to Peter but at the same time, it helped me...my most precious mom just died on February 21,2020...I'm an only child and for most of my life it has only been me and her. I'm married and have an adopted son that is 27 now and if it wasn't for them...I don't know where I would be...but they are NOT my mom, they are not a source of unconditional love....I have cared for my mom for the last 3 years but her heart could not continue on as she had congestive heart failure. I try to be normal for the sake of the very few people I have in my life but my will to live, left when she did...if I were to die now, that would be fine with me...but I do understand exactly what you are saying to Peter...it's just so hard when, like you said , the searing pain in my heart is so fresh. I just want to thank you though for your kind words to him as they have resonated with me as well. ..God bless you!!!
This is what I am going through. I lost my mom 1 month ago who was my only family.i don't feel like eating drinking or working. I lost hhe purpose of my life. My mother was like my daughter and me her mother. Ee used to take care of each other. This loneliness kills me. All I want to do is die. I want to be with her...I can give away on anything yo be with her..I am surprised how I M alive without her. This pain and loneliness is unbearable. Death is easier
Wow Peter, thankyou. I feel the same way too.
@@joannenascimento9213 Be kind and gentle with yourself and love and encourage yourself as your mother would. If not for you do it for her. Thats what she would have wanted. Thats what I still try to do 4 years after her passing.
Greiving is the hardest "thing" if ever felt. I lost my husband of 9 years and the father to our 8 year old . It is so excruciating and i could almost feel the pain when you said "dont come in here with this sadness" its been 7 months and thats all I ever feel from my family. Greif alone is so hard. Thank you for sharing this ❤
MAY ALMIGHTY GOD'S GIVES YOU STRENGTH & COURAGE .❤
Yes this is a good talk. For me those who have died those who I loved
are still with me alive in my mind, in my hart and in my very genes.
When I laugh I hear my fathers laugh. Yes there is grief but it is tempered
by these things and life is still good. Also reading the comments is
both heart wrenching but also comforting at the same time I am at a
loss how to explain this but suspect many of you may feel the same.
One parting note, it is most likely I will soon loose my wife to cancer
that is what brought me here and so I will do as have done before but
this will pain me greater than any loss before.
It’s exactly like she says, and it’s very difficult. I feel so bad that I think it could kill me. Praying has helped and was really the only thing that did help.
Donna King ..how are you doing now? My daughter lost her beloved husband of 15 yrs, 6 months ago. Time has just intensified her grief!
Me and you share the same name..and grief for loved one..
@@donnar9864 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
@@donnar9864 i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
I lost my significant other almost 2 months ago..we had been together 16 yrs, the pain is so unbearable. I feel her with me quite often which makes me sad, happy all at the same time. "Getting over" it is not as simple as might think..doubt I ever will...sometimes in life you only meet your true love once, she was mine. The only hope I keep ahold of is that one day we will be together again. This time forever!
Hi Debrah, have you heard of the Grief Recovery Method? Let me know if I can help you.
* TIGHT, LONG, LINGERING HUGS, DEBRAH 💜😢
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
I'm stunned by how people could be so insensitive to such a huge loss such as losing a loved one, also so soon after it happened. I myself have never experienced anything close to a loved one's unexpected, unnatural death. However, I've had my fair share of grief, or should I say repression of grief, by stigma, by lack of space, validation, acceptance. That hurt me much more, and for much longer, than the losses themselves. Just being stuck in this insensitive world simply. I can't possibly tell what's worse for someone who's lost a loved one, but I'm quite sure all that insensitivity has added insult to injury over and over.
I hope... like I did... someone else finds this video like I did... As what this lady says, is 100% on point... what a great speaker and I really appreciate her candor as well. I lost my father a few days ago, very suddenly. I've found already experienced what Tanya says in the video IS VERY accurate.. some people do not think and have said things like "you'll get over it soon".... "It will last a good year then you'll be fine"..... like they have a set time line on how I feel. I am sure it will take a while and there is one thing that I like to share with others out there who may find my post after losing a loved one: REMEMBER -> "One day at a time".. be kind to yourself... do not worry about tomorrow, the next day, month, year.. If you can complete a few simple tasks each day that's all you need to do right now. Loss of sleep, REAL anxiety, depression.. I find myself going though it all.. But I also realize again -> "One day at a time".. I'm doing the best that I can right now while going through the grief process. If you have loss someone like me, I am sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best in the grieving process. You are NOT alone! - Tom
Not a one word out of place dear Tanya!
You did great as I watched 6 months ago when my wife died after 40 years of marriage and I cannot fathom being without her one day of my life but it happened the only thing I would ask is the family members or long term friends who abandon you once they hear someone close you died they just don't contact you or don't even express their condolences. Well they can continue To live the way they are living now!
It is not only the passing of a loved one (s) that causes such total devastation. Divorce has been all encompassing and self destructive for myself, and it will lead to a place beyond words, placations, to that place where as stated in this talk, " nobody gets out alive" , quite literally for me. I send my love to all who are paralysed by grief, in all its' insidious manifestations, and hope sincerely that you find a way through, somehow, someway. X.
You're was a beautiful and truthful account. Thank you for validating how I feel. God bless you, Ma'sm!
I think this might be one of my favorite Ted Talks on grief and loss. Thank you for being such a brilliant speaker and inspiring me with your vulnerability, courage and strength ❤️
thank you losing someone you love is hard and this helps.
Shelah Keil I agree it is hard I needed this
This is really helpful... thinking about grief as an act of love rather than weakness. I lost one of my best friends 8 months ago...and she was only 19 years old. Hard to explain how I feel to my other friends and family and everyone tells me that I should basically be past it. That’s not how it works. It gives me relief to know something isn’t wrong with me, that other people do understand it too.
I'm going through grief over losing my daughtercat, Yoko, 3 weeks ago & it'll be a long road. I've been through this before. Lost my dad 10 years ago this month & my mom 17 years ago also this month. It's so damn hard. It does get better, though. It'll never go away fully, but it'll get better. You just have to find your own way.
I lost my husband 10 months ago to a rare cancer. The last thing he said to me was "I want to live". Taking that with you for the rest of your own life is almost unendurable. Thankfully, no one has said to me "time to move on" because I too would feel the need to slap them in the face. As long as it takes, but my heart is so broken, I don't know how long my own time will be.
I hate it here without my partner.. Also fed up of people telling me to move on.. Im broken.. Some days are better than others..but it's the worse pain I've ever had.
People don’t know what to say. Some don’t want to have to take the time to properly console you. Please know that this will, in time, get better. You will never “get over it”. You will blend this experience into yourself, making you a more understanding and compassionate human.
@paul leeming thankyou that's a lovely message x till it happens to them they just won't understand x I'm the only one in my group of friends that stayed with the same man for nearly 30 years xx
Hayley Dryden ..aaw Hayley. It's so sad the pain you've gone & going through & the so many others too..including my darling daughter who 6 months ago suddenly lost her husband. Time so far has intensified the pain, & for her it's a reminder of him. She doesn't want to forget him. She has 3 children 12-16yrs & she has to think of their pain as well which is tough..she's exhausted.
I hope you can come to a place of hope. God bless you.
@@yvonnerahui8729 thankyou for taking the time to reply.. I feel for your daughter and her children x I also have three children xx and two grandsons x it's hard x greif doesn't leave it just changes it pattern.. Love to you all from England x
@@hayleydryden3137 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
This is a fantastic talk. Its really helped me. This is just what I needed at this moment in time. Thank you for sharing your experiences and putting them into an understandable way.
Thank you for sharing Tanya, this inspirational talk brought up some unresolved feelings for both of my parents I have lost. My father over 30 years ago. I now know how important it is to work through pent up emotions which can otherwise destroy us from the inside. Love and Light sent to you and your family.
I m 33 and I lost my husband 3 months ago 😢 I find myself in every single word... It s so hard... I feel like I can't do this anymore..
How are you feeling now
I am 31 and lost my husband few weeks ago. Its been so hard and still can't understand the why's. I haven't imagine life without him.. when all plans are shattered. 💔💔😥😥
Please go to Griefshare
It can help you cope a little better. 🙏💗
I am 35 and I lost my husband, 3 months ago.
Me too going through grief..cant handle it..my wtss app no. 7903021227..
Tank you for sharing. This is one of the most valuable speeches I've ever watched.
I am so glad I found this video
This is the best talk on grief I've heard.
Excellent talk thank you, it takes courage to talk of your loss
This was a beautiful TedTalk and so spot on! Grief is personal and unique to everyone. We never move on, we move forward.
Tanya, my younger brother passed away a week ago. Your video has been great for me and by far the best of the many I have watched.
I am struggling really struggling with my brothers passing and your ocean description is a perfect vision of where I am.
I lost my Mom and grandma within two weeks and I never felt so alone. An because I’m a mom I feel as though I always have to put in a brave face. And when I want time to be sad or mad or just simply grieve I feel as though I’m selfish. This is so hard
My wife died recently now I'm all alone with No one next to me no one to share my feelings with anymore
I pray the Lord comfort and restores your peace and joy
So sorry for you heartbreaking situation. ❤️😪
@@ruthlokp296 thankyou
@@sweetcherryblossom9708 thankyou
thank you for sharing your story! Your words spoke to me and I so needed to hear your speech! Thank you
You said everything so beautifully!
The pain is unrelenting
Thank you for this.
I lost my dearest husband from cancer three months ago. No words can describe how one feels. The whole worlds turns from top to the bottom. I talk to him, I believe he guides me. It crossed my mind only a few days ago that no matter what I want to do something meaningful in life, I can’t just give up on myself. My husband used to be my greatest support in everything. He’s gone now. I have to learn to be a support for myself.
Thank you for this talk which resonates so much with me, It really has helped me, All the best to you in your journey. Thank you for sharing, and inspiring me
When we loose our loved ones, or loss of some things precious is really really pain full. But perception of different people are not right for dealing with loss for each individual. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
God bless Tanya, she is amazing ❤️🙏💪
..grief feels like intense fear….it burns you up…it robbest you of your breath…
Thank you
This was a wonderful talk, thank you for this.
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
Thank you.
Thank you for your beautiful and understanding talk and the hope it brings. I will try to be the best I can be while I continue to feel wonderful connections to my darling husband who has gone on ahead.
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
I needed to hear this thank you
Thank you for that my beautiful mam died on Friday 15th January I loved her so much and she loved me so that helped
❤️😪
My daughter Kate died 4 weeks ago, it seems impossible she has gone. I want her back. xxx
So sorry for your loss 💐
I'm sorry for your heartbreak. X❤️😪
♥️♥️♥️ I want her back for you too. As a parent who lost a child I know that pain. I’m sorry
I just lost my Great Great Grandmama i am still grieving it is still rip my heart out 🌸🌸🌸 but know she is heaven looking down on with the Angels 👼👼👼👼
I needed this today.. ❤️🎈
Thank you!
That's lovely thank you so much
That smacking vision is helpful ... I will try that
I lost the man I was dating in Tower 2 on 9/11 and just lost the love of my life, my fiance last week suddenly. I don't know how its possible to feel so much pain and still go on.
Please fix volume.
Thank you my Father almost Day 1 says you need to go on.....I just lost my Mother to stage 4 cancer I was numb from watching her suffer then to pass he just doesn't get it. This talk helps me.
TheErika 711,,,I lost my hubby to stage 4 brain cancer on Nov 22'nd,2022...😢😢😢😢
My sister told me that I am no longer grieving after a year and a half! That I am mentally ill ! 💔💔💔💔 my husband was killed in a one car accident I was devastated. I am counseling with a grief mentor but my sister is so hateful and mean to me, she makes me feel worse. WHY😩💔💔💔💔💔does she do this to me?
thank you
My heart goes out to all of you suffering. I hope that for a few moments thru day you can find respite.
Brilliant and beautiful 🙏
Thank you!❤️❤️❤️❤️
You said what I've told others as a chaplain (you don't stop loving the one who has passed away, but you can learn to love others); each relationship is unique and different.
My dad was my human, he passed in 2019 after years battling with Parkinsons. Last Oct my dog died, 3 years old. My baby, my cuddle buddy through my loneliest, darkest and coldest nights, my little friend.... I have never felt grief like I do missing you Wairua, my darling, my honey dog, my little nugget of LOVE! The one person I wish I could run too, I cannot... you are with Poppa now, I know he came to get you my girl, thank you Dad ❤ I will grieve you both out loud for the rest of my life 💔💔💔 My Dad and my baby girl, I still cant believe you are actually gone 😭
Since last March of 2020 until today I've lost 5 close loved ones and 1 beloved pet bird spike. Plus my health has taken alot of hits over the years. It just makes me so mad when others tell me to get over it. Well, I'm not going to ever get over the loss of my loved ones who have died.
PLEASE FIX THE VOLUME,I PUT MY VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP ON MY PHONE AND THIS IS HEARD IN VERY LOW VOLUME. BEAUTIFUL VIDEO AND YOUR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. THANK YOU TANYA. GOD BLESS YOU
I lost my husband in October 2018 after a 22-month battle with cancer. It has been 3 years and 2 months since he died, and I'm still trying to figure it out. I do know there is no moving on, only moving forward. My grief helped shape me into who I am and, like all the other experiences in my life, grief is ever present. I have more good days than bad, and I can smile most times when I think of him. I love and miss him. ❤️
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
I’m 15 and my should-have-been-seventeen-years-old friend died after going missing for 1 1/2 weeks, and I keep remembering the fact that I didn’t say goodbye properly last time I saw him, I was in chock I cried one single tear that day, didn’t cry at all the second day, on the third night I broke down The only time I’ve cried more than that night was at his memorial service, he was a month from turning 17, 2 1/2 months from Christmas I don’t even know how he died, he went missing in the forest and he was found dead non of his friends know what exactly happened I don’t know if anyone knows. This is the first time I’m genuinely praying for there to be an afterlife
I am sorry for your loss. My story is the same but different. Many years
ago when I was but 17 one of my dearest friends was killed while on a
bicycle trip through Mexico. He was hit by a truck on a rural road and left
for dead. I never saw him again his casket was closed. I have visited his
grave a couple of times, now I am old (65) there is still traces of grief in me.
I know how no proper farewell feels like but I still think of the good times
we all had. I too would be OK with another world beyond this one but how
can a mortal ever know these things. Heal, remember the best and live life
all the best to you LOE.
Nobody understands the grief of others. It’s unique to everyone. You are so correct about the timeline. There isn’t a timeline.
She is real and really bad ass...I'm happy for her....I hope I will be able like she did
grief ,it is life you just live it ,your loved ones are always with you see what your doing and leave you messages ,my wife i call my air conditioning has been before 2008 people forget the grief they suffer before they die ,my wife in 09 prompted a medium to come to me and said my name and answered the questions i had asked her after she died including taking my ring off the dining table ,after many messages off her seeing her spirit visit ,it is our loved ones who prefer to disbelieve us . our loved ones are well ,with other family members in spirit and will meet us again , i have been seeing my wife for 11 years now ,they dont leave us .
I needed to see this… so they are actually right there with us?? No matter where we go , do they come with us too?? And we just can’t see them?..I lost the love of my life 7 days ago in a fire… I’m longing for him so bad and just want to know that he is still next to me and not leaving me
Very good
I’ve just lost my soulmate. After 30 years of waiting, we found each other. It was so unexpected and now he is gone. I can’t deal with it. Why would god give me someone like him and take him so quickly.
The same thing has happened to me. After finding each other after years of being in loveless marriages because we each had tried to honor our vows before God. We had literally given up on ever having true happiness. We met and over time, fell deeply in love. He was my best friend and soulmate. He was like a covering of protection over me. Then he died from a heart attack after contracting COVID. I couldn't be with him when he died. We did get to tell each other , "I love you with all my heart" on the phone. Then everything ended. Life will never be the same. God bless you as only He can.❤
Mine just died ...I am having the same question. What is the point of bringing to me a great a beautiful magical love and then to rip that person away ? It's only been a few days and I miss him so much already
@@ginasprouse8268 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Darling take a dog 1st husband screw me over financially and 2d was a nite mare so take a dog
@@ginasprouse8268 i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
that was wonderful. Thank you! I loved you vision of smacking some sense into some people. Lol I am so shocked by comments and behavors of some people.
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!
I'll never get over the losses of my grandma & uncle .
why can't they just give us a tight hug and rather say let us pray
EXACTLY.
Not everyone prays
i came across your touching comment in the grieving of love ones post here on face book. Well am really sorry about that okay 😒☹and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life must move on because death is inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday!!!!
Tk you I lost my youngest sister suddenly last week my heart is breaking I've never went through this in 53 and can't cope with this x
So sorry for your loss (hug).
Oh Teresa, my heart is breaking for you. I want to encourage you to please get help either in a support group (GriefShare is excellent)or a good counselor, or both. Don’t grieve alone. I’m saying a prayer for you, a prayer for peace and comfort from our Lord. You’re going to get through this. It just takes time....lots of time. 😓
Iam going through the most difficult time of my life
My boyfriend passed away 2months ago at the age of 33yrs and iam 26years,i feel like my whole life has been ripped apart.
And with the society that i dont fit in anymore
Its the worst moment of my life.
@@katrinestevnhj6233 I'm so sorry about your husband, my deepest condolence to you, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a horrible heart attack, it was a terrible experience for me but I kept strong for my little daughter hoping for the best future for her, time does heal the broken heart expecially when you're around the right people, life goes on because the future and our happiness is all that really matters because our past doesn't it's just full of both sad and happy memories of our loved one's that passed away, I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind, I'd have drop my cell # here but I'm not sure about that it'd be nice if you send me your email address so I can reach out on you.?
Lost my husband David in Nov 22 n there are no words to express the depths of pain n it’s true the love will never go away n they’re with us in spirit n our angel assistants n maybe we can’t see them but we do get reminded of their presence smell n memories which would stay always in our hearts. A tip to those who know who’ve been through a loss jus be patient with them n never ever shut them up as you truly don’t know what they’re going through n maybe at times they’d never express at all ♥️