Reading the essay that got me into an Ivy League!
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- This is my common application essay that I used to apply to college! To the (few) people who have been asking me for this video, I'm sorry it took so long- I got a little too caught up in the visuals.
Please leave any questions you have in the comments & I'll answer them in my next video :)
Disclaimer: I am in no way saying this is the perfect or only example of a college application essay (because it definitely isn't) but it did "work" for me in that I think it played a decent role in helping me get into my dream schools. But, again, the college application process is so unpredictable you never know.
As promised, please check out these other amazing college essays if you're looking for more samples and inspiration (or just want to read some incredibly well-written writing):
- John's Hopkin's "Essays that Worked" (they have collections for every year and actual comments from the admissions committee): apply.jhu.edu/essays-that-wor...
- College Essay Guy (has some great personal statements and supplementals): www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/...
- Prep Scholar (a huge collection of essays and commentary): blog.prepscholar.com/college-...
Inquiries: valerieandiw@gmail.com
Insta: va1eriew
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I always find it s hard to pay attention to college essays esp when they're being read to me on youtube but your animations made everything so much better and made me rlly appreciate it! It was rlly good too!
Aw I'm so glad that means a lot :))
@@electwriting2193 Just for clarification, I have never used nor do I endorse this service. Also- write your essays yourself guys.
damn that's such a good essay. be a shame if someone plagiarised it
NAHHHH YOU WILD 😭
NAHH u did not😭😭
OHH MAAAAWW GAAWWDDD
lol
@@chaeryeongggg3078 girl period I love ITZY just as much as I love chaeryeong saying “~ITZAAAAAYYYY”
This is the most humble brag essay and I respect you for it.
This was beautiful. Like the definition of beautiful. One of the only essays that captured me with every single word!! I mean, not to mention that you are also so beautiful too
ohmygosh you are way too kind
i always find it so interesting learning about the American university admissions system. i really loved this video.
in the UK, we write one essay that’s called a personal statement and it’s centred entirely around the subject you want to study. you talk about why it interests you and what you’ve done to learn more about it. i think i wrote one sentence about what i’ve done outside of my studies. i gotta say i prefer the UK version 😂.
congrats on upenn!!
Thanks!! That's definitely super different- can't say which I prefer!
That sounds shit tbh
Currently working on applications in both the UK and US. I found the UK personal statement really straightforward and easy to write and am now struggling with the US essays that are a lot more personal (haha ironic)
@@elj1454 If you're an international student, the UK PS is gold as most of us find it harder to talk about ourselves in a vulnerable sense which the US essays require.
@@titler3140 I’m from the US but definitely agree with what you said. Maybe I should go to the UK haha
This was such a sweet refreshing essay, I love how you put in your extracurriculars, grades, and interest in such a subtle and cute way.
This is one of the best essays I've come across on CZcams. It doesn't feel forced unlike a lot of essays I've read (especially because most applicants try to use as many big and impressive words and meaningless metaphors as they can, most of which don't even fit the context) and your self expression skills are amazing. ❤️
I really love the end of your essay... "Rather than trying to fit 30 hours into a day..."! All I could say was "Wow!".
It has prompted me to think deeply and forge my essay with simple, but meaningful words and experiences.
Thank you!
I really wish more people would see this. Not only because it's an amazing college essay, but also because it's such an important lesson and all the videos, pictures, and doodles make it even better
i genuinely think this video is a sign to me that i should stop carrying so much stress on myself, due to school. i’ve recently been struggling a lot with the balance between personal life and academics, and so when i heard what you wrote, not only did i think it was beautiful, i took it as a sign; a sign that i should allow myself to freely breathe in the environment i crave the most, which is feeling care-free. thank you, i will cherish this video forever.
I CRIED WHAT DO YOU MEAN “UNDERWHELMING” I RELATED SO MUCH🤍🤍
that is something really refreshing!!!!! you did an awesome job Valerie, this essay can actually shift perspectives. beautiful:))
That... was so amazing. The best essay I've listened to/read (haha thanks for the subtitles and the illustrations! They made it so much more easier for me to follow along with lol) on youtube and trust me when I say I've read so many. The way you wove in factual and emotional details into the essay without making it overly sappy or looking like you were trying too hard to resonate with the reader was what I appreciated the most about it! It was simplicity at it best, and it really stood out among all of the others I watched so far, lol. I would really love a video about your Penn supplements! That would be even more helpful since I plan on applying to Penn as well! Thanks for this!
2 years later, as im sitting on my bed at 11pm at night w my computer as a 10th grader freaking out about what i have to do to get into the college of my dreams, this video is such a huge relief. Your essay is so beautiful and felt so heartwarming and intimate in such an effortless and undaunting way. this single video has given me sm hope! thank you so much for being kind and brave enough to share, valerie! you're so gorgeous too and intelligent and so good with conveying your emotions. Thank you!
I love how you took it in so many different directions but blended them all really well
There was nothing underwhelming about your essay! It was superb! Thank you for your courage to post this video. Well done!
That was such a heartwarming essay, it was so simple yet so genuine and extremely comforting to hear from a successful student as someone who also doesn’t agree with the hustle culture of today :)))
Great essay loved your diction and the editing made listening to someone reading their essay a lot more engaging. I’m feeling inspired so I’m gonna write an essay about a personal interest of mine. Good luck those of y’all applying to colleges. Let’s make it happen! 💪
i loved everything about this video!!! the doodles were such a nice touch - thank you for taking the time out of your day to add those & to share your essay :’)
This literally the best college essay and essay reading video i've ever seen
This essay was truly mesmerizing! It gave me a whole bouquet of pleasant feelings that are ardently burning in my head. These five minutes of your reading had sparked my imagination. My level creativeness had instantaneously elevated so that for a short period of time it prevailed my critical self-perception as a little stubborn person who sometimes seems to be incapable of performing any kind of artworks.
I am very proud of you that you have committed to University of Pennsylvania and other highly-selective schools with the help of this diligently written essay. Have a wonderful career in the school of my dream!
Sincerely. Uladzimir Charniauski
I really needed to see this. The daunting college essay confused me sm but this was great and i feel i can do this with more confidence
This was really good! You should share your Penn specific essays: )
I've watched so many essays on youtube this week, and I have to say that yours felt the most honest, original, and heartfelt. You did not throw in difficult words here and there (not that it's a bad thing), your emotions didn't feel forced, and it was like reading a piece from someone's journal that they wrote into before sleeping after a long week. Thank you for sharing this with us! I'm going to apply to colleges this year and I'm really stressed about it. Your essay reminded me that I really need to appreciate the good things I have in life in between all the hustle :)
your essay is soooo amazing and the editing was so cool omg tysm for taking the time to do that
the animations are insaneee🤯🤯💖💞💘
Such an amazing and moving essay! I love how it shows your ambitions and your great ability to reflect on your life and the small and big moments of it! Those qualities are far more attractive and weigh more for who your are going to be and what you are going to make out of your years at college, uni and after your studies than trophies and scores will. And it seems like someone at UPenn thought the same 😉, even though I know your amazing achievements also played a big role ❤
awww nice essay! and wow the animated montage narrative was really great!! go go val!!
Amazing essay - nice and simple. And brings out your personality perfectly!
thank you so much for sharing! the quality of this video is amazing :))
p.s. if you're reading this & want last-minute help editing essays email valerieandiw@gmail.com and I'll try my best to help!
@Hung-Ying (Laura) Lee ikrr 😭
Oh i love this, thank you for giving such helpful reference!
i watched the whole thing... this ate! you deserve all of your admissions. i can relate sm to the trying to fit 30 hours into a day 😭
the final sentence was just !!! like omg that really brought it home
This was one of the best essays that I've heard during my time looking at college admission advice! I'm a junior and will be applying to Upenn next year and have an idea for my essay. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful masterpiece! :)
u wrote this 11 months ago, how’s it going? I really want an update !
@@beebsage6498 Me too!
Samee I want an update too!!
this is so authentic and relatable! definitely one of the best essays that i saw on yt! yes i have watched this for three times
"Woah" is the only emotion I can muster up. This essay dealt with a perfect balance which, of course, lead you to a well-deserved admission to UPenn!! Good job, girl!!
I've literally completed every single portion of my applications except the essay because I had no idea where to start. I guess it was fate that I came across your video; I'm so inspired by you!
ahh samee!! good luck with your app processs!
@@aneesai241 Good luck with your as well! :)
this is a fantastic common app essay !! just from this video i can tell that you are sweet and hard working :) thank you for sharing this
This was so brave!!! Thank you so much!) Your effort made huge impact
this is a beautiful essay. 💕 it really inspired me!
I'd love to see some supplemental essays too!
Thank you so much for this!!!! I love it so so so much, thank you for sharing and CONGRATSSSSS
HOLY CRAP THAT ESSAY IS SO FREAKING GOOD WHY AM I LITERALLY CRYING OMG THIS IS SO GOOD
Excellent essay! You were short and to the point, which seems to be very unreachable by most people who write about their essay. You certainly accomplished a lot. But once you started reducing the pressure, you got more out of your experiences. U of Penn liked it!
That's an amazing essay! Subtle hints to all your extracurriculars, but to me, it kind of sounded like a storytime yt video, which I'm sure the college admissions officer appreciated
It's not even upenn,it's the essay.So much thankful for this.I needed to hear that!
This was such a good essay! Great job
Hey! I was just wondering what common app prompt you had chosen. It's funny because I was thinking about writing about the struggle of time as well, but you made it sound so much better lol
Wow im 12 years old and I keep looking at videos like these for no reason, I find them super inspiring !!
such pretty edits!
OK but i vibe w ur personality so much
oooh that last line though! so good!
I LOVE your essay!!!
that was beautiful. i hope i could write an essay as touching as that hehe. i wish you the best in your future years :)
Thanks for sharing. It is a great inspiration point for others.
unrelated but girl you're so pretty?? i love your hair!
this video is so well done!!
it's actually so beauty, i'd read it if it was a book omg!⭐🤩
This essay is so freaking good omg
Right
this was so good and calming! And i spotted conan gray haha
YES I'm so glad I got to go to a concert before everything was locked down
girl this used to be me. im telling you right now you need to quit the majority of your commitments and just enjoy life, watch TV, drive around aimlessly, sit with friends. life is not about achievement and business, its about making your soul happy
That was so beautiful and wholesome
Wow ur essay flows so well n actually makes sense! I'm still tryna make mine coherent haha
5:00 "I'm sorry if that was a little underwhelming..."
That was overwhelmingly good if not anything :)
**edit**
NGL this has actually become a go-to place for inspiration every time I'm stuck with writing my essays
heyy! if you're interested, my friends and i started a company called collegae (collegae.weebly.com) that provides affordable college counseling where you can speak to a collegian from schools (we have stanford, uc berkeley, harvard, upenn, princeton, and so much more) for just $20/ half hour! they can answer questions like what their essay was on, how they got in, their stats, extracurriculars, campus life/culture, and so much more! hope this helps:)
I liked this so much! Thank you.
this is so beautiful omfg
Wait girl this is really good
I loved listening , thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing!
This video was amazing!
Omg great essay that inspires mine.
What a powerful personal statement. 😳Now I'm unsatisfied with what I've created... thank you for sharing! I've got edits to make lol.
bro this made me emotional
that was so beautiful thanks for sharing xx
Ok I do debate and I literally would not be able to debate against this girl bc her voice is so soothing
Thanks for sharing!
Wow that was incredible !
awesome! Refined thoughts!!
Your editing is so good!! What do you use to edit??
THAT WAS SO GOOD OMG
That was amazing!
It is very good, our teacher let us watch your video and I got inspired by your essay
GIRL OMG I KNEW YOU LOOKED SOOOOO FAMILIAR!!! you went to my school ahhhhhhh! i'd recognize those RM gyms anywhere :)
this was amazing !!!!!!
Wow, I felt that writing an essay isn't as tough as the Costco essay (that level is too high for me) thanks~
So helpful. Thank u!
Thanks for sharing essay. Love it!
this is beautiful
I- that was so good omg
aw thank youu
I j finished writing my essay but I’ve read it so many times that I feel numb to it...how do I know if the essay is good? Thx for the video !!
Great question! I'd say have someone else read it- it doesn't even have to be a college counselor or anything like that. Just have someone look it over and let you know what their takeaways are from it/ to confirm that everything flows and makes sense. It always helps to have a fresh set of eyes :)
this Is sooo sooo good
Thank you!
Hi Valerie!thank you so much for the video, I am currently writing my essay for Cuny and I was wondering about the world limit you chose for this essay.
Thank you!
Your essay mentioned a good number of awards and extracurriculars but do you think a personal statement can be just as effective without mentioning academics or honors in any way?
Yes!!! Check out “Essays that worked” Hamilton college. One kid wrote about Cicadas 😮🎉
I don't know if you'll see this, but I am currently writing my essay and I want to know how many paragraphs should the essay be? My friend said to split up my writing into paragraphs but right now I have it just one big paragraph that tells a story. Does it matter if it's split up or as long as it tells a story it's ok? Thanks! Btw your essay was amazing and I really enjoyed it!
I'd definitely say to split it into paragraphs if you're talking about the common app essay. To have 650 words all in one paragraph would be harder to read! Even if you're telling a story, split it into different chunks. I'll talk more about organization in my upcoming video so stay tuned ;)
OMFG SORRY but we just got the same outdoor couch from Costco and I just ordered the SAME sweater I'm screaming
hahaha we love costco
AWE SO GOOD!
That was so good.
THIS IS SO GOOD WOW. Can you like publish a book?
omg thank youu